***Spoiler Warning***

This fic contains spoilers from TDI 2023 Reboot season 2! If you have not seen anything from this season yet and do not wish to be spoiled, this is your LAST call to turn back!

So… here I am again! Because I have long accepted I am going to be shipper trash until the day I die and I am LOVING the dynamic of MKulia more with every episode since this pairing has more realistic depth to it than any TD couple I have seen in a while, I just had to make more fanfics for these two! Since my previous MKulia fic "Reciprocal" revolved mostly around MK and her thoughts that I based on the show's contents at the time, I decided I was going to go on the other side of the coin with this one and focus on Julia. But, I am going to write a fanfic completely from Julia's perspective with what we have seen so far from episodes 7 and 8. Particularly, I wanted to write a fanfic on Julia's thoughts after her and MK's 'You like me' conversation and also Julia's 'reluctant back-stab' to MK in the baking challenge. Then having all this eventually leading up to their conversation outside the confessional when MK confronts Julia for avoiding her. But, in the case of this fic, what if Zee never intervened at that moment as a distraction and these two had a little while longer to talk? Anyway, with that being said, let's dive in! This chapter begins right after Ripper and Axel's double elimination where Julia is starting to actively avoid MK. Hope you all enjoy!

(Julia's POV)

I have no idea what I'm even doing right now.

All I know is I could not deal with any of this right now… which is exactly why I tried to stall for time as much as possible after everything.

Even though I have been literally 'stalling for time' by hiding in the bathroom in a literal toilet stall on my phone like a total loser for the past almost 4 hours. But, like I said, I can't do this right now and I wanted to make sure everyone was asleep… or someone specifically was asleep.

Speaking of…

I bit my lip as I looked around into our side of the cabin and almost breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the lights out in our cabin and could see MK already sleeping through the screen door. And I knew she definitely was since I could see her sleeping with her mouth hanging open and her arm hanging over the side of her bunk like usual.

Plus, she has her stupid ratty beanie off that she only takes off when she's sleeping, which I still literally don't understand why she even wears it honestly. If I had her hair, I would never wear a hat ever and…

Ugh, Julia, stop it! Get over yourself! Just… What is even happening to me?!

Seriously, I literally almost gave it all away when she was messing with me earlier.

Then she made me feel like an idiot when she was talking about just 'being friends' and then I started to actually feel 'guilty' when I was just being strategic during the baking challenge and wouldn't have even given a damn about it before.

After all, who cares how you win as long as you do? And since when do I 'care' about screwing anyone over to win or gain something?

Besides, in the end, I needed that immunity WAY more since I have a giant target on my back now that Bowie's gone. It was just a strategic move… a smart move!

And both of us knew we were gonna have to do something to screw each other over eventually.

So, then why do I feel like… crap for some reason?

I kept looking at her until I shook my head to try to ignore it as I changed into my pajamas. But, right as I was putting on my eye mask to sleep, I heard MK inhale and then snort out a snore as she kept sleeping.

I couldn't stop myself from almost smiling on reflex and letting out a quiet laugh to myself.

Heh… cute, MK.

Wait… WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?!

Ugh, screw it! I'm going to bed!

Almost immediately, I just pulled my mask over my eyes and pretty much threw myself in bed, almost feeling like I was trying to suffocate myself with my sheets at this point just to force myself and these stupid thoughts out cold.

2 hours later

Well… crap.

So much for sleeping, I guess?

Right then, I heard MK let out another snort through a snore in her sleep, something I noticed that she does a lot from me having to share a cabin with her these past 2 seasons… and also making me question if she has some weird sinus issues or something?

But, when I lifted my eye mask to see if she was awake and I smirked to myself as I grabbed my phone to see if she was maybe drooling in her sleep now or something and to maybe try to capture it for posterity (and by 'posterity', I mean use it to possibly throw it in her face for fun later if needed).

Right then, my eyes went wide when I saw MK lying on her back in her bed now, her head still facing toward me with her lips parted slightly, and her left arm outstretched toward me over the side of her bed.

She was still completely out cold, but… I don't know?

All I kept doing was look at her arm extended out in my direction and eventually, I just felt myself just looking at her hand.

Slowly, I sat up on the edge of my bed as I kept looking at her and just thinking, almost nervously wringing my hands together as I did that.

I bit my lip and ended up clasping my hands together so hard I thought I was going to break all my fingers at this point.

Then I literally felt like I was going to bite off my bottom lip as I kept looking at her hand, feeling like my stomach was being crushed in a vice.

Seriously… what the hell is going on with me?!

"Why? Because you 'like' me?"

My stomach just kept twisting as my mind just kept piling it on and throwing it all back in my face.

"You do! You like me!"

"Shut… up…" I quietly strained out through my teeth as I felt like I was giving myself an aneurysm at this point from how tight I was scrunching my eyes shut and clenching my teeth.

But, as much as I was trying to ignore it, my subconscious wasn't done as it just had to keep throwing it all back in my face like an open palm slap, along with a good punch in the stomach for good measure.

"Hashtag BFFs! Hahaha!"

"Hashtag BFFs!"

"BFFs!..."

"BFFs!..."

"BFFs!..."

I grit my teeth as I ripped my eye mask off and threw it on the ground before running and gripping my hands into my hair, feeling like I was literally losing it right now.

But, right as I felt like I got some sort of 'grip' on myself, MK let out a groan and took back her hand that was hanging over the side to pull her blanket more over herself and putting her back to me as she kept sleeping.

After a second of silence, I scrunched my eyes shut before standing up and changing again, accepting the fact that I probably wasn't gonna get any sleep at this point.

Right as I got dressed back into my usual clothes, I pretty much made a direct exit back outside the cabin. And even though all I wanted to do was get out the urge to just slam the screen door behind me out of frustration, I made sure to stop and close the door as quietly as possible.

Otherwise what was the point of avoiding her for the past 3 friggin' hours like some totally pathetic loser if all I'm going to do is wake her up?

But, right as I closed the screen door, I barely made it ten steps before just pausing at the small set of stairs leading up to the cabin. I just stood there for a second, looking out at the lake and kept doing what I've been doing WAY too much of lately… think.

But, not about anything important.

You know like focusing on winning, advancing myself any way I can, the million dollars… none of that.

All I keep doing is thinking about and wanting to kick the crap out of myself for breaking my one and only rule: No friends.

Like I said before, friends really are like zits to me. I don't have any (because I never really ever had any in my life) and I don't ever want any (for very good reason).

Friendships are just invitations to have people leech off you, hold you back, and screw you over. And I am not about to just throw out a bunch of invitations to a bunch of idiots just to have them screw me over. And not even just friends either.

I mean, c'mon, I have a restraining order against my own parents, so why should I care about friends?

I took off on social media and became a successful influencer because of me, myself, and I.

And then she just had to come along and ruin EVERYTHING that I built for myself… or that's what I thought? Sure I was pissed at first when MK practically almost canceled me and made me lose pretty much all my original subscribers.

I mean, seriously, anyone who saw me after MK did that to me could tell you how pissed off I was to the point that I wanted to burn the world to the ground and take the person who did that down with me.

But, then… I felt… better.

I spent years pretending to be something I wasn't and now I was finally able to just be… myself.

Even slightly before I fully realized it, and also after I screwed MK over too by exposing her as a thief, I actually… owed her in some weird-ass way.

Because of what MK did, I became more popular than ever!

Sure my subscriber count tanked initially, but now it's practically gone up almost ten times what it was and I'm free to make the content that I want now.

And then there was the finale afterparty last season when MK actually walked up to me during the party. Honestly, I was even surprised when MK actually came up to me for any reason at all.

I was expecting her to just roll her eyes and flip me off (and also probably making some kind of snarky dig at me knowing her) and keep walking like I was fully expecting, and not that I would have cared.

Because, yeah, I screwed her over to get ahead and I would have definitely done it again if I had the choice. So, when I was ignoring everyone and looking at my phone while we were on the beach, I was surprised when MK walked by me and smirked and gave me a nod… almost out of 'respect' or something?

Either way, I was seriously confused.

I totally threw her under the bus and even went as low as telling everyone she 'saw them pooping' out of desperation of getting her kicked out to save my own ass on the chopping block… and she still did 'that' toward me? Then when all of us returned for this season and put on that death trap plane, we were put on the same team again.

At first, I almost couldn't believe she actually tipped me off on Bowie possibly using his voting numbers to boot me off first by making me a pick for his team.

But, at the same time, I couldn't deny she was right… and we were better off working together than alone.

It was ultimately what led us into an alliance from the get-go.

Besides, even if I never fully admitted it and as weird as it sounds, MK really was my best bet as an ally to get ahead this season.

After all, if Bowie was not going to immediately jump into an enemy of my enemy is my friend or whatever alliance with MK, then I wasn't going to pass it up.

MK is a devious little klepto that can also hack into pretty much anything like it's pathetic child's play, so… yeah, I'd seriously have to be more clueless than Wayne and Raj to want to pass on an alliance with her.

And at first… that was all it was to me.

An alliance.

And it was working… really working.

We were working.

Honestly, MK and I were practically running the team more than Bowie was.

Then especially since we were the only girls on the team, we pretty much had the entire girl's side of the cabin to ourselves and that was our opportunity to strategize every night after challenges.

Looking at what we had, things we could use to our advantage to win later, who we could scheme around to boot at the first chance we got, bouncing off ideas… it worked.

Even without the challenges, we still just kind of hung out together.

Sure we're in an alliance, but… that doesn't mean we had to eat together, talk to eachother all the time, or do confessionals together just because we were 'allies'.

Seriously, sometimes we don't even talk about things that even have to do with strategy or the competition. I remember before we went to sleep, MK asked me what I was going to do with the million dollars if I won.

After being shocked for a second at MK asking a totally normal question with no ironic or sarcastic undertones, I told her I was going to give part of it to my brand manager to help fully revamp my image and use the rest to put toward finally launching and promoting my own makeup and fashion lines like I always wanted to, considering I got started online by posting videos about makeup when I was 13.

And, typical MK, just said 'Wow, I'm so shocked' in the most sarcastic way possible as a response.

So, I made a jab back at her that she'd probably need the million more than me to help her pay off her future bail when she's inevitably arrested for stealing something.

After we both scoffed out a laugh at what we both said, she started to tell me that she still didn't know exactly what she wanted to do with the all the money yet.

But, the one thing she really wanted to do was start by using part of the money to help her get started on a 'full arm sleeve tattoo of nothing but videogame characters, logos, and references' since she said her mom would not give her verbal or financial consent' to get a tattoo ever since she despises tattoos anyway.

And then proceeded to tell me that she'll try to find some way to pay someone off for a fake ID or forge her mom's signature so she can 'get started on her sleeve' before she's 18, and possibly use the money to get her own place after her mom inevitably kicks her out for getting a tattoo.

Seriously, MK is cool in a lot of ways, but literally such a dork in so many others.

My eyes went wide immediately after I caught myself smiling thinking back to that as I got frustrated and kicked the dirt under my feet and gripped my hands into my hair out of frustration.

Ugh, dammit…

I don't think I even realized it until yesterday when we were looking for the immunity idol and I can't believe I'm even admitting this because it sounds beyond pathetic, but… I think I… like her. And not just 'as a friend' either.

What? Yeah, I said I think MK's kind of a dork sometimes (and we both literally have almost nothing in common aside from 'how we operate' to get what we want), but she's also… cool.

Honestly, she's actually really cool.

And it's not like she's completely repulsive.

Sure, I used to think she was an annoying little buttknuckle for constantly mocking and outsmarting me last season.

But, now?

Honestly, and again I can't believe I'm saying this, but… she's one of if not the only person I can actually stand being around.

She's smart, she's funny, and she's…kinda… cute in her own weird, fashionably-challenged way.

Crap… I really do like her.

Ugh, I am seriously crushing on her so hard it's literally pathetic.

Seriously, am I in freaking middle school or something?! Why am I getting so bent like this over a stupid crush?! Probably because I just screwed over my 'crush' who also is the only real 'friend' I ever had earlier and I still haven't talked to her about it and she's probably pissed at me and I'm secretly too freaked out to even talk to her about it since it happened.

And then if she finds out how I actually 'feel' about her?...

UGH! No! I am NOT doing this right now!

This is exactly why I don't do the whole 'friend' crap whatever thing!

Okay, think Julia. Get your head back in the game here.

I was looking around until I saw something sitting on a nearby tree stump. I walked over and quirked up an eyebrow when I saw a clipboard with a pad of paper on it and a pen.

I picked it up and looked at it as I commented to myself, "Bet one of the interns probably left this here earlier." I kept looking at it until finally I could feel a devious smirk spread across my face as I sat on the stump, 'clicked' the pen, and wrote out:

"I know you have the Idol."

Hey, if I can't sleep, might as well use my time constructively and mess with some heads, right?

Besides, Chris did say someone found the idol. So, let's see, leave notes by everyone in camp and then scan the perimeter of the forest surrounding the camp to follow whichever buttknuckle I can see that looks like they are crapping themselves from blind panic?

And then possibly getting the immunity idol for myself in the process?

Ha! Perfect…

3 hours later

Well, that didn't really work out like I wanted it to.

Right after I planted all those notes about the Immunity Idol and climbed up to hide just high enough in a tree to try and see if anyone 'took the bait'… yeah, I ended up falling asleep in the tree from mental exhaustion.

So, I probably totally missed whatever buttknuckle found the idol like an idiot, but… whatever, I'll find some other way to get that idol later.

I sat up, feeling stiff from the awkward-as-all-get-out position I slept in.

Well, 'sleep' is 'sleep' at this point, I guess?

Actually, wait, what time is it anyway?

Right then I saw everyone walking out of the dining hall, meaning I just missed breakfast. Which, for real, not a huge loss with Chef's cooking, but… wow, I was out longer than I thought.

Then my eyes went wide when I saw MK walking out of the dining hall behind everyone else, but she paused and kept looking around.

My eyes went wide as my stomach clenched.

Crap…

I tried to look around and saw I wasn't too far away from the confessional. Hey, it's worth a shot to stay completely out of sight for a bit. Besides, I need to distract myself anyway. I tried to climb down as fast as possible and bolted into the confessional before I could even change my mind.

Eventually, I got inside and sat down, trying to come up with words and clear my head simultaneously, as I started, really trying to compose myself.

C'mon Julia, it's just like shooting a stupid vlog. Just get a grip.

Right as that thought went through, I brushed some of my hair back behind my ear and smirked before looking right at the confessional camera and starting:

"So, this morning I wrote anonymous notes to everyone in the game: 'I know you have the idol'. Doubt anyone's gullible enough to fall for it, but, hmm… worth a try!"

Okay, not bad.

But, I still kept thinking. I didn't exactly give a note to everyone in camp. I bit my lip as I just sat in the confessional just… thinking.

Ugh, whatever, time to move on.

At this point, MK had to be back at the cabin by now. Oh yeah, for sure!

I smiled and opened the door to walk out. But, right as I was about to shut the confessional door, I thought I was going to crap out a cinderblock when I heard and saw the exact person I was avoiding standing right in front of my face, "There you are! I've been looking for you all morning!"

MK.

Dammit… Alright, it's fine, just play it cool and talk your way out of this.

"Heeey! Sup, girlfriend? Haha…" Right as those words flew out of my mouth, I literally wanted someone to just end me because what the HELL was that?!

Since when the hell have I ever said any of those words unironically ever to anyone except right now in front of MK for some weird-ass reason?

Ugh… how can this possibly get any worse?!

Look, it's fine, just keep eye contact with her. Avoiding her now will just make this even more awkward.

Right then, she tilted her head in confusion at me as she started, "Are you… avoiding me?"

And… it literally just got worse. Well, yeah, duh, I have been avoiding her for WAY too many reasons at this point, but I'm not going to tell her that! I already look stupid enough right now.

Deny it, Julia. Work around it! NOW!

I straightened up and started, feeling myself almost pathetically crumbling with each word, and also knowing MK probably wasn't buying any of it since she is way too smart for that, "Uhhh… Avoiding you? What?! Heheh… N-nuh… No…"

Julia… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU IDIOTIC BUTTKNUCKLE?!

Since when do I even 'stutter' anyway?!

UGH! I hate feelings! And I hate her for somehow making me have them right now!

But, MK immediately gave me this look and totally saw through me as she called me out on avoiding her, "So, yes."

Yeah, MK is A LOT of things, but a moron is NOT one of them. And I knew that better than anyone.

Luckily she didn't give me time to think anymore as she sighed and kept going, "Look, I am so over that whole 'Owen thing'. It's like, whatever, we make a sick team and all I want is for us to be… cool, okay?"

Wait… what?

My eyes went wide and it was almost like I completely lost my filter as I thought out loud in total shock, "Wait, so… you're not 'mad' about me using my sabotage on you yesterday?"

MK scoffed and rolled her, "Well, yeah, kinda. At least you had teammates that were sorta helpful! I was doing pretty much everything by myself since the rest of my team was just disgustingly 'sucking face' the entire time. If it wasn't for me scoring that box of instant cake mix, I would've been totally hosed!"

I crossed my arms, feeling that 'guilt' coming on again (which I hate), as I glanced away.

But, not wanting to just fully admit her point, I just rolled my eyes, crossed my arms, and conceded, "Yeah, fully expected that."

But, then I felt every muscle in my body tense up and my eyes felt like they were going to fall out of my head when she put her hand on my shoulder.

Don't do it… Don't… you… DARE, Julia! You blush or do anything right now and you'll literally give it away worse than when she was teasing you yesterday and that is NOT going to happen over my dead body. Keep it in!

Luckily MK distracted me from my insanity as she said, sounding genuinely straight up, "But, I mean, I get why you did it."

I whipped my head up immediately, seeing her looking pretty chill about it as she smirked and shrugged before saying, "You were just playing the game. Because c'mon, if it wasn't me being ahead, then you would have used it on the other team if you had to, I know I would've. Besides, I totally blame Ripper for that one. He was the idiot who grabbed the most useless remote ever when we could've had your remote."

Eventually, I just smirked and teased, giving her a look while also trying to ignore her hand that was still on my shoulder, "Oh, so then you would've left me with the completely useless remote then?"

Right then, she just smirked back and shrugged before confirming, "Hey, like I said, just playing the game."

We both scoffed out a laugh at that and I shoved her shoulder before MK continued, "But, for real here, I still want this alliance if you do. So… are we cool, BFF?"

Even though my natural reaction was feeling my stomach internally being crushed, I smirked back and said, "Yeah, we're 'cool'… or whatever." M

K scoffed before smirking and saying, totally messing with me in true 'MK form', "Wow, I'm so convinced. C'mon, aren't we friends-ish?"

I just gave her a look back as I started, "Don't push it."

We both laughed again, but… my mind just kept spiraling into something.

Yeah, because that's all this is.

Just an 'alliance', right?

Just… 'friends'... right?

But, I was trying not to think about it as we both kept laughing until we fist-bumped. But… I still couldn't completely ignore it.

Seriously, what is going on with me? WHY DO I EVEN CARE?!

So, what if MK is into me or not? Besides, what's the point of telling her anyway? What are we gonna do even if she's into me?

What, like… 'date'? Something else totally cliché and pathetic?

We're in a competition and eventually, we're going to have to compete against eachother and ultimately screw eachother over for the million dollars.

And even if we weren't in a competition… what's the point?

Intentionally putting me in a spot where I'm making a total idiot of myself in front of her by telling her how I 'feel' and possibly get rejected like a total loser? Or make her never want to talk to me again?… I internally threw all of that into the incinerator in the depths of my mind, determined to keep ignoring it.

Luckily MK pulled me out of it as she started, "So… now that we got all that stuff out of the way, we gotta get back on track here. Now that Bowie's gone we gotta…"

I was confused about what she was looking at since she seemed to just be looking past me in almost disturbed confusion.

Huh?

I looked behind my shoulder and then I froze and went wide-eyed at 'whatever the hell I was looking at right now', now totally understanding why MK looked like that.

Zee was pacing around behind us and… he had no pants.

Well, technically he did have pants, but they were… in his… mouth?

MK and I almost reflexively looked at each other before smirking as she started, knowing I'd catch on, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"See if Zee's weird mental breakdown has anything to do with something going on around here? And that we should totally take advantage of it?" I responded immediately.

We both kept smirking until we both simultaneously responded in agreement, "BINGO!"

Right then, MK laughed and pointed out as she started walking toward Zee, "Ha! This is either gonna be so good or totally gross and weird."

She walked off ahead of me and I stopped for a second just thinking until I shook my head and caught up.

Yeah, no thanks…

I need to focus on the million here. I can't afford any distractions from winning.

So, if that means living in a vicious cycle of denial and reluctance to keep MK from figuring out I'm into her and ruining our alliance, then so be it. The million is my one and only priority.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Okay, I kind of got carried away on this one since it came out WAY longer than I was anticipating, so I hope you enjoyed the long read! And I also hope you enjoyed my angle I took on Julia doing an introspective analysis on both herself as well as her feelings for MK. Again, I have said it once and I'll continue saying it, but MK and Julia in this season have been giving me MAJOR Alejandro and Heather vibes… and somehow coming off even healthier as a dynamic thus far. But, the writers are also showing them to be something totally unique in their dynamic on the show! Not only because they are possibly going to be the first official lesbian ship of the series, but it's the fact that now the show is currently showing that this is a sort of 'one-sided attraction' for now since it is being VERY heavily implied that Julia VERY obviously has a thing for MK. However, MK is still up in the air as to what her feelings are when it comes to Julia. It's kind of ambiguous, but at the very least MK does like Julia's company as allies and friends, but… we haven't seen or heard anything overt about MK's feelings yet. Either way I am SO intrigued to see where this goes! But, at this point and especially after the weird direction they took Ripper and Axel, I just want the writers to give MK and Julia a quality conclusion no matter how it ends up between them. The dynamic between these two is just WAY too good and I just want it to be accorded the love and respect it deserves, especially given how much of a following this ship is getting right now. Again, the season is still FAR from over yet, but I am kind of hoping at this point that Julia gets eliminated before MK, despite how much I hate to say it since she is like the new Heather in the BEST way possible while still being her own character. My reasoning behind this is because of how far Julia made it the first season, it would make sense for something to happen to make Julia go sooner given how she almost made it to the finale in season 1. But, maybe her leaving will prompt an interaction between her and MK. Perhaps even lead Julia to make a move of some kind to drop a hint of her real feelings. Like Julia 'wishing MK luck and that she better win' on the dock of shame before kissing MK on the cheek right before she gets carried off by the drone. This would leave MK with more screen time, a new plotline where she is left to analyze her feelings about Julia on her own, and also allowing her time to shine as the solo antagonist. Just an idea though and who knows what will happen, but again… I just want these characters to be given a quality storyline at this point more than anything else! :) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this 'what-if' fic from Julia's perspective (as well as Julia having a mental breakdown over having feelings. Haha.) and just thank you so much for reading through this beast I wrote over the past couple days. Kudos to ya'll! Haha. Thank you again and constructive feedback is always very much appreciated if you can spare it. :)

Stay Classy and Merry Christmas!

Dexter1995