Chapter One: Inverted Lotus

Stumbling from the violent coughing leaving my throat, my eyes tear up before even that is gone in the heat. The ash falling from the sky had already coated me, clinging to me and dragging me down with every step. The world burned, and I felt lost. There were always flowers in the distance, but whenever I got closer, the flames had already taken them.

Losing strength in my body, I collapsed on the rubble left of some stranger's house. As if in time with my falling, raindrops fall from the sky. Watching as the ash washes off me, I take deep, hitching breaths as the fires die out under the sky pouring.

There was no more strength in me to get up. As if a spectator in my body the area around me fills with white flowers growing between the cracks of the rubble and the mud.

They were beautiful.

I felt numb as my legs could not move. I reached my hands towards the dark sun, unsure of what I was reaching for. Eyes closing with how heavy they were, my arm had fallen with them.

With his one hand, a dark-haired man in a torn suit caught it before it fell. His sleeve, where his right hand was supposed to be, was gone. It looked like it was both wet and burned.

He smiled, as if I had saved him. "I'm so glad I found someone." He gasped as tears dropped from his face.

I saw a young lady looming behind this man as he cried. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming while looking at her. Pale white hair and skin, with red eyes. She smiled as if overjoyed even while covered in dirty black rags. My breath hitched, unable to avert my eyes or turn my head away from them. With a similar look to the man, she seemed to have tears in her eyes. I wish I could be that happy one day.

Lost in a storm of flames and flowers, I hear something like whispering before my vision goes blurry as I drag my eyes open with a force of effort. My hearts races and I'm soaked in sweat. The girl's face from the fire fills my sight as she leans over me.

There's something soft that I'm lying on. But all other thoughts have stopped existing in the presence of this pale intruder.

With a broad grin on her face as she looks down at me, she produces a sound of amusement in the back of her throat before shaking her head. "This must be fate, I think." Her grin only grows larger at her own commentary, even as it makes me more confused. "Yes, I can work with this." She chuckled.

As I begin to speak, a yawn escapes from my mouth while my limbs become unresponsive, moving only at a slow and lethargic pace. The pale lady motions for silence while patting my head, looking fond. "Don't worry. Your new big sister is going to take care of everything." She said. When I close my eyes, the young girl disappears, and a doctor appears a few steps away.

Over the next couple of days of talking with various doctors, nurses and law enforcement, I realize. My parents had died back where I had left them at home. Feeling nothing at that knowledge besides a vague feeling like I should. With no relatives either, I was alone.

The fire and the flowers consumed my thoughts throughout my hospital stay. Of that man and girl. I hadn't seen either of them since that first day. All I desired was to see them once more.

At the end of the week, that man I met visits me. Sporting dark circles under his eyes, he gives a small smile to me. "Hello there." He said. The tired man looks over at me as making sure I'm fine. "I know we don't know each other, but I just wanted to check up on you. Can you tell me about yourself? My name is Kiritsugu Emiya."

It's only after a brief consideration that I nod. "My name is Shirou." There's a brief pause as Kiritsugu waits for me to continue before he fills the silence. "I heard you have no relatives or place to go," he said, momentarily reaching into his pocket. "I wanted to come ask you if you'd like to be adopted by this stranger you've only just met," He asked as he tries to read my reaction. "Also, I'm someone who can do magecraft." He mentioned with an air of casualness, as if describing a fact of life.

It was an easy decision for me to come with him and try to find out why the man trying to adopt me smiled, as I had nowhere else to go. I nod once more. Kiritsugu smiles in response and stands up straighter, as if I had lifted a weight from his shoulders. "Oh." My voice slips out as I realise something important. "Is the red-eyed girl coming with us? She said she was my big sister." I asked.

Kiritsugu's hunched posture suggests the weight of the world on his shoulders. His breath leaves him in a horrified exhale before he composes himself. He smiles, though this time it doesn't reach his eyes. "A girl with red eyes? Can you tell me about her, Shirou?" He asked.

I'm unsure what's happening with Kiritsugu's strange smile as I avert my gaze. I'll answer him anyway so I can learn more. "I saw her in the fire when you were crying. She was behind you." I said. Kiritsugu looks around the area as I talk. His remaining hand had moved to be in his pocket. "I woke up in the hospital and saw her. She said she was going to be my big sister." I said.

As he directs his gaze towards me, the shadows under his eyes appear even deeper while he frowns. "Thank you for telling me, Shirou. I'll get the paperwork sorted for us on the adoption. Let me know if you ever talk to that girl again." He gives me a brief smile before he turns on his heels and leaves.

It left me to my own thoughts after he was gone. Kiritsugu acted weird when I mentioned that girl. Maybe they didn't know each other? She didn't resemble me, my mother, or my father. Wearing a scowl, I vigorously shake my head as I gaze up at the ceiling. I'm sure I'll find out once she visits again.

When I saw Kiritsugu next, it was with the girl following behind as they came to pick me up from the hospital. Dressed like a maid in all white, she had an expressionless face. Even days later, seeing her in person, she doesn't feel real.

As we get closer, the girl approaches me and takes the small bag I carried, which the hospital gave me. "This here is Justeaze von Einzbern. You can just call her Einzbern," he said. As she takes my bag, she gives me a wink and a small smile before returning to her more serious appearance. "While you're living with us, she'll take care of you and handle the house when it's ready."

I take a moment to nod, despite my confusion. They were familiar with each other? If it was like that, why was he so worried before? Kiritsugu motions for me to follow before we get into a fancy black car. Kiritsugu sits at the front while me and Einzbern sit in the back. Hesitating, I open my mouth to ask him a question about what's going on before Einzbern pokes a finger into my side. "Don't frown so much. If it bothers you so much, you can call me Justeaze. But only if it's just the two of us, okay?" She asked with a smile.

Before I can speak, she puts a finger over my mouth to quiet me. "I know you're impatient, but I'm sure waiting will give you all your answers." Nodding to herself with a small smile, she settles down. In response, I frown, settling more into my seat with my arms crossed but following her advice.

Kiritsugu took us all to the ruins of a large house. I leaned in closer to the car window to get a better view. Several men were repairing the outside, while a girl, who was not much younger than Einzbern, attempted to help but got turned away.

Over the next few weeks, I learned the girl's name: Taiga Fujimura.

The fire haunted me for the first few nights, making it hard to sleep. The only thing that gave me relief in those dreams was following the flowers. It got so bad Justeaze and Kiritsugu worked together to make some medicine so I'd be able to sleep.

Once we got settled in, she started showing up more often. Apparently, she was the granddaughter of the man who helped Kiritsugu with the house. In exchange for some of the help, Kiritsugu would teach Fujimura more about Kendo. I didn't know why she enjoyed waving sticks so much. But Einzbern always looked happy watching, even if she tried not to smile. So I always stuck around to watch, hoping I could understand why.

Whenever I could, I always tried to ask Kiritsugu to teach me how to do magecraft like him. But he always refused to show me anything, only mentioning it was dangerous. Maybe if I got Einzbern to help me convince him everything would work out?

After getting frustrated by my failure, I caught up with Einzbern outside of the house, where she had grown her own garden. She hums while leaning over the budding white roses she had mentioned before. "Hello there, young master Emiya. How can I help you today?" Einzbern asked, enjoying playing as a servant even when she said she was my big sister. It was a little weird.

Without pausing on her task, she seems to tell I'm near. Despite my speechlessness, a small part of me craves the sight of those flowers.

"Big sister Justeaze. Can you help me convince Kiritsugu to teach me magecraft?" I plead, shuffling my feet as I wait, feeling my stomach do flips.

A giggle escapes from her direction, sounding almost like music, making me wish I could hear it again even after it ends. "Silly Shirou. Of course I'll help you. I said I'd take care of things for you." She said, amused. She brushes her dress with her hands where I can't see them before turning on her heels in my direction with a bright smile. "And even if he says no, I can always teach you magecraft myself. You'll have to promise to do something for me in exchange, though~" She offers.

Her grin turns to show much more teeth as she looks at me, almost like how Fujimura looks at meals. Learning magecraft will bring me closer to Einzbern and make me more like Kiritsugu. Despite Einzbern being a bit intimidating, I'll still accept.

I nod and she looks just as happy as the day we first met. My lips respond with a smile for the first time since the fire.

Kiritsugu was sitting in the living room, eating breakfast, when I found him the next day. Since Kiritsugu couldn't cook, Einzbern always prepared our meals while I watched.

I fidgeted after I had finished my food, waiting for him to finish. Soon after, he gave me an inquisitive glance. "Shirou, what's wrong...?" He said. His voice trails off near the end.

"Can you teach me magic?" I pleaded, almost demanded. The question comes out in a rush. My jaw clenches as I dig my fingers into my knees, expecting to be told no. The tired man in front of me blinks slowly and furrows his brows.

"Shirou." Sighing in exasperation, he slumps. "Alright, I'll teach you." He said. Almost unconsciously, he utters the words and then fixes me with a cold stare. "This can be very dangerous, Shirou. I'm going to have Einzbern here to answer questions I can't answer." He said.

Despite his words, I can't help but feel my lips rise again in a smile. I direct a thankful glance to Justeaze, who responds with a wink before I hastily rise to my feet. "Can we do it now?" I said. He huffs with an amused expression even as he gives me a stern and disappointed gaze. "Shirou, what did I just say? If you can't listen to me, we'll do this only when I think you are ready." He said.

That brings me up short. Sheepishly, I sit down quietly and observe my two caretakers, fully focused.

"Later this afternoon you are going to have your Magic Circuits activated under the supervision of Einzbern here." He motions in her direction. "It will be painful, Shirou. And if you ever feel you don't want to do this anymore, then say so." Kiritsugu frowns down at me. I nod back solemnly.

The afternoon was something I only remembered as if I was dreaming. I remembered I was lying on a bed with Justeaze's hand on my chest. Everything becomes a blur after that. Pain across my whole body and being feverish are all I felt.

Waking up the next morning, it was like nothing happened. Justeaze is the first thing I see, sitting on the floor next to my futon. We stare at each other before she smiles at me. "Looks like everything went well there, Shirou!" She spreads her arms as if to give me a hug without coming closer. "You recovered quickly. It seems like you were sick before getting your Circuits Activated. Why didn't you say something? Impatience is bad, you know?" She asked. She drops her hands to her hips and pouts at me in frustration. Einzbern sounds like she speaks from experience.

Left speechless, I flounder to say something in response. I don't remember being sick or feeling anything like that? "Well, anyway, it's not like it's important or anything. You have something much cooler now. Before I can even say anything, she continues as if nothing happened.

"Look at your left hand." Across the back of my left hand are red marks that look almost like a cup with a flower. I try to give the Kiritsugu 'I'm not impressed' expression to her, but I don't think it works as she just ruffles my hair.

"In hindsight, I don't know what I was expecting." Justeaze huffs to herself with a chuckle before dropping her smile. "Just think of it like being always close to big sis, okay?

Nodding my head, I just accept this as another weird Justeaze thing. I don't really get it.

That weird stick girl started coming over even more often. Around twice a week she'd show up and spar with either me, Kiritsugu or Justeaze. I was the only one she won against, and I didn't win against anyone.

Over the next couple of weeks, Justeaze was even clingier than before. I started learning more about Magecraft, but I got frustrated since I wasn't very good at it. Kiritsugu tried to explain, but I always got lost. I later asked Justeaze to help me again.

There were only three conditions for her helping me. To make me better at magic, she'd be like a doctor and I'd have to follow whatever she told me if she called it medicine. To not complain about how hard it became or how much it hurt and to call her big sister. I agreed, though I'm not sure I'll remember it later.

Even after that, my progress was slow. I only practiced what Justeaze called Structural Grasp before I started learning Projection.

Kiritsugu and Justeaze both praised my magical talent for identifying the makeup of objects. But Kiritsugu called it 'useless'. Justeaze urged me to keep going and give it my all, despite my lack of talent in other magical areas.

Projection was a whole other problem.

Kiritsugu wasn't of much help at all in teaching me, except for how to avoid the dangers of somebody using that magic against me. But Justeaze was excited about it.

Instead of learning about Projection, she spent half the time explaining various illusions and how they function.

I didn't mind though, since seeing her so happy was nice.

After failing for a while, I had to go learn Reinforcement first since Justeaze wanted to get to learning illusions and skipped the first thing I should have learned. A lot of objects that were brought in for me to test my Reinforcement with ended up breaking since I filled them up with too much magical energy. I spent months just practicing that.

Justeaze was getting frustrated at my slow progress. She'd tell me about how she had so many plans for different magecraft for me to learn once I mastered this first one. I felt pretty sad about it, but I always tried my best. When I tried using more magic than I was supposed to, Justeaze got angry at me. I tried not to overdo it after that.

Once she was confident in my skill, the next subjects would be Alteration and Projection. My overeager sister wanted me to understand my body and reinforce it before she would let me learn more.

Throughout the year, my new big sister would disappear for days or even weeks. Justeaze would always come back after with weird foods or drinks that she'd make me consume after. Kiritsugu never mentioned why, though he also liked to go on trips sometimes.

Mornings would leave me feeling sore from all the exercise I'd do whether or not Justeaze was there, and now Justeaze would always pair me with Fujimaru when she visits for practicing Kendo. Justeaze could actually hit hard without looking like she was trying. Even with both me and Fujimaru on the same side, we couldn't overcome her in a two-on-one situation.

Part of all this exercise was also to tell me in part that apparently, eating well and exercising would make me better at magic. So I always did my best in these spars. I never won against Fujimaru either when I think about it…

Sometimes my big sister would bring out different shaped wooden sticks for us to spar with that weren't for Kendo. But big sister didn't allow Fujimaru to know or use these things though.

Only us, no one else. She'd show me how to use and swing all the different types, but it was slow. I wanted to become skilled at it quickly!

While all this was happening, I started school again this year. I had nothing about it I liked or disliked. I always felt like I was waiting to get back home and learn more about magic or spend time with Kiritsugu or Justeaze. Taiga too, I suppose. Justeaze or Kiritsugu would always drop me off, and Justeaze would always ask my teacher about me. She even got the teacher to let her stay during school. It was a relief to have her there.

Change occurred as the old year ended and the new one began.

Despite no school on the weekend, I didn't feel as positive as usual. Justeaze hadn't smiled at all today. Kiritsugu was off on another one of his trips to a different country. So I wasn't in the best mood myself.

Trying to reinforce my body for as long as I could today. After a few months, she permitted me to use Reinforcement on myself, with her watching. I had over reinforced myself a few times, but thankfully Justeaze had a spell on me before we started that made sure I didn't stay hurt. Washing out the blood was tough, but not as bad as the fire.

Practicing my Reinforcement was for my sparring later with Justeaze. If I didn't take it seriously, I'd be hurting pretty badly with my sister in a bad mood like this.

Now our spars between the two of us allowed me to use any magic or wooden weapons I wanted. Justeaze would always give me advice as we sparred, but I wanted to show her I could do both.

As I was thinking about how best to win tonight, Justeaze places food in front of me. Absently I take it. "Thank you." I said.

It's around that time I gaze upwards. She's scowling at me! I feel my stomach drop. I don't know what's wrong- I did nothing wrong, right?

She marches away, only to collapse dramatically across from me at the table. Justeaze glares in my direction with a scowl. "This is going so sloooooooow." She groans. Dropping her head on the table, she looks up at me from where she lies in her own misery. "I've never put so much effort into a student before and you are still way behind all the rest."

My face heats and I stare down at the table. I know I'm failing. I wish I could say something in response but I have nothing to show for it. If Justeaze, who always supports me, says I'm not good enough, then that's the way it is.

Across from me, Justeaze makes a dissatisfied sound. "Alright, I've had enough. If the safe and easy way is this slow, then we are just going to be risky about it." She growls out. Hope stirs in my chest. I can make this better?

As I shifted my eyes in her direction, she silently rose to her feet. She looks determined as I find my breath leaves me in response. Sometimes when she is like this, I feel I can't take my eyes away. Like I'll miss something I can never replace.

Before I realize it, that feeling vanishes, and she carries on talking as if nothing took place. "So considering you're human, this would usually be a bad idea. But because you are very lucky, we have me to help you so you don't hurt your head too much and die." She said.

Casually admitting something really serious, she gives a smile my way, as if it's of no concern at all. I smile back. Bringing smiles to people like this feels good.

"Which means your training is going to extend into your dreams, too. Since I'm so good at magic on this sort of thing, and am full of super cool knowledge, I'll be able to simulate most things to a degree that your brain will keep the knowledge you learn while you sleep." She said.

Having a hard time keeping pace, I silently replay her words in my mind. Why would dreaming hurt me? I decide to the question out loud to her as well.

"Well, people are supposed to rest for their brain and body to recover, right?" She pauses for a second, thinking over what she said.

"It's more complicated than that for modern humans, but we will leave it at that." Justeaze waves it off. "Anyway. If we do training like this, your brain won't get its proper rest. But like any good Magus, we are just going to cheat as much as possible instead! She declares. Her carefree demeanor, coupled with the gesture of thumbs up, evokes a sigh and a smile from me.

Sometimes I think I looked like how Kiritsugu does with Fujimaru in one of Fujimarus' moods, but with Justeaze instead. It made my chest feel warm being closer to him.

"Okay. I trust you." The happiness from her in return is enough to make my day.

We continued on as normal for that day, though Justeaze was much more positive. I had my Reinforcement work enough for the sparring, though I lost badly again. Today was a good day at the end.

It was during the night when I fell asleep that things were strange. Waking up, I found myself out in the dojo again, even though I don't remember falling asleep here.

Taking the time to look around, I spot Justeaze with the shoji open. She's sitting down facing the garden, staring up at the sky above. I make my way over to her to sit next to her, following her gaze with's looking at. Up above, the moon is a bright red, like blood. I have this vague feeling of being uncomfortable looking at it, so I turn to look at her.

Both relaxed and thoughtful is how she appears. She doesn't even turn her head to glance at me. "You ever wonder what the future will be?" She asked.

"No." I said. My answer is pretty blunt. I always know what I'm going to do.

Justeaze looks like she expected it, but giggles to herself as if amused. "Me either, I suppose. I've always had a gift of knowing what will happen next. Wondering on what ifs was never really as interesting as what is." She said. I don't think I understood. But I listened anyway so I could remember it for later.

"But that doesn't matter as much anymore. I'm a different person nowadays." She says. She diverts her gaze from the moon, then leads me to the dojo.

"This is more like an accurate and elaborate illusion while you dream. So on the bright side, we can be a lot more reckless here. But I'm going to make sure you still learn not to cripple or kill yourself horrifically, okay?" She asked.

"Okay." I said. I don't have much to add. I'm just glad this means I can spend more time with her and I can get better faster.

Kiritsugu being here would make this complete. I feel a little pain in my chest at his absence, but ignore it.

"They say to be a Magus is to walk with death. So my job is to make sure you know how to walk," Justeaze said.

As if they were always there, she held a pair of daggers in her hands. She passes me one. It's hard to carry and cold.

"With these, we can practice with weapons. It helps you become familiar with pain and skilled in handling various weapons." She motions down at me. "Your size makes this awkward, as you won't be strong enough or tall enough to use them all properly." She said.

Justeaze's gaze travels up and down my body, as if she's trying to place me in her mind. "I might need to get you an instructor in martial arts, since I can't teach you myself. Maybe that weird priest guy is still around if Kiritsugu didn't kill him?" She muses to herself.

"Weird priest guy?" I ask before even thinking about it. Somebody dad knew?

"Oh, yeah." As if realizing who she's talking to, she shakes her head. "I never used to be this absent minded." She sighs to herself before speaking up again. "He and your dad clashed in a tournament. Some things occurred, and that's all there was to it."

"There's gotta be more than that!" I can't help but feel frustrated by the lack of information.

Shaking her head, she raises her knife, which gets me to raise mine in habit. "If you want to know, I'll tell you if you manage to hit me."

Nodding my head in determination, I move forward to hit her with the knife.

Turns out the knife hurts when she hits me with it, though not as bad as reinforcing my body wrong. Dream blood doesn't even stain my clothes! We train in both magic and different weapons until I stop moving and can't go on.

Then, as if I wake up all over again, all my magical energy is back and my exhaustion is gone.

Dream training is amazing! Justeaze seems just as pleased as I am. I may not be as skilled as the others she has taught, but I will surpass them with sheer effort!

Our routine after this event changed. In the morning, we trained, followed by school, and then more training and studying in the afternoon.

Justeaze told me I need to always do my best in school. Now that we had the dream training, she expected me to try my best at school. She even gave me minor challenges every day at school that made it a lot better. If I completed them all each day, she'd tell me stories about different things she knew. She was a big fan of heroes and knew a lot about them. Hearing about them was always interesting! She knew a lot about France and Britain, though.

The assignment of collecting names and discovering people's interests at school turned out to be tougher than I initially thought. Talking to my classmates was a completely different experience compared to talking to Justeaze and Kiritsugu.

I'm not sure I really understood them.

The night after I succeeded, I got my reward. Justeaze was going to tell me about a hero she liked before I went to sleep. Justeaze was just getting to the part where she was telling me about how Jeanne D'Arc was going to be burned away because they thought she was a witch. My vision went red even as all I could hear was a dull roaring in the background. They shouldn't burn people at all!

What brought me out of my anger was looking at Justeaze. She was grinning as she was reading this part as if remembering something fondly. Did burning people make her happy? Would burning people make me happy too?

I didn't know what to think. But I just felt upset and confused.

Just as I'm about to ask, she closes the book and rises from the floor. "Kiritsugu is home. Let's greet him, shall we?" She said, making it more of a rhetorical question as she led the path to the door.

Justeaze always changed how she acted whenever Kiritsugu was around. I thought she was shy, but she only does it with him.

Kiritsugu stands at the door, wearing a suit similar to the one he wore during the fire, but in much better condition. The weight of the world appears to be on his shoulders again. He's pale. The shadows under his eyes are deeper and he seems to drag his feet.

Spotting us by the door, he smiles, as if life has returned to him.

I smile back. "Welcome home Kiritsugu." I said.

"I'm home." He said. Despite looking happier after he saw us. He didn't appear satisfied by his statement, as if something was missing.

Taking his suitcase from him, Justeaze goes to place his luggage away. They barely exchange more than a cursory glance before she's gone. I wish they were a lot closer, like I was with them. But their interactions are too cold.

As Kiritsugu sits down at our table with a sigh, I observe him. "How was it?" I asked. I never discovered where Kiritsugu went on his travels, even though I was curious to find out. Hopefully, when I was better at my training, he'd take me with him.

The pause is a couple of seconds before he responds. "…it wasn't what I hoped." He said. I could sense the weight of his words even from the opposite side. Witnessing him like this was not enjoyable. I tried thinking of what to say to make him happier, but I kept coming up short. I wish I was a lot better at words like my sister or Kiritsugu.

"Sometimes… no matter how hard you try, you just fail…" Kiritsugu said. I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or himself anymore.

Sometimes, Kiritsugu would be like this after his trips or late at night. He'd move like he just had one of my training sessions with my sister. We'd talk about a lot of hard to understand topics for me or sometimes just about how I've been. Things anywhere from how you would have to sacrifice something to save something else to how school has been.

Not sure on what to say to him, I just grab some leftovers of dinner for him to eat.

"You should take me with you." I asked. The silence got to me. And I just wished I could help. "When I'm stuck, you or Justeaze help me. Why can't we help?"

Appearing stricken by my comment, it quickly transitions into a momentary expression of tired contemplation before shaking his head. "I can't do that, Shirou. It's not something I want you involved in." He said. It just makes me frustrated, but I hold my breath. Justeaze taught me to think before speaking, to be heard.

"Even if I can't help. Ask Justeaze!" I'm nearly shouting at this point as my frustration grows. "…or teach me so I don't have things go wrong." The last part is more of an afterthought, as my anger dies out to be replaced with thoughtfulness.

Maybe Kiritsugu is trying to stop me from failing? But Justeaze tells me failure is the first steps to success. So we can't just give up.

We engage in a silent, intense stare. I try to imitate Kiritsugu's 'no nonsense' stare back at him, but I'm not sure how effective it is.

Justeaze interrupts our staring by inserting herself into the living room once more at the table. She claps her hands together, catching our attention.

"Alright. Boys, I think this has gone on long enough." She said. Kiritsugu looks as if he staring at a stranger but stays silent.

"I think teaching Shirou is a great idea, but I agree with Emiya you shouldn't go on some trips he takes." My eyes drop at this to stare a hole into the table as my chest feels tight.

"Emiya, it would be a good idea to teach Shirou what you know. I'm sure Shirou might need it if anybody you used to know comes to visit. Or if he meets them." Looking back up, Kiritsugu looks like he disagrees with her thoughts on the matter. But her mentioning people he knew in the past causes him to waver.

Who were these people they used to know, and why did I need to learn about them?

"You want to save Shirou from that sort of fate, right?" She said. She smiles sweetly at Kiritsugu, even if it doesn't reach her eyes.

Kiritsugu looks back coldly in response before closing his eyes in pain. It's silent for almost a full minute, the air so thick I don't even think Justeaze could cut it.

"…alright," He whispered. Kiritsugus eyes drop like mine did before and he looks more tired than ever. "He's already learned magic even though I didn't want him too… I guess he will be in danger no matter what I say or do."

My heart hurts, bile rises to my throat as Kiritsugu goes silent. It's as if I'm back in the fire once more. He reminds me of those I left behind. Like there was no hope. I couldn't stand it. Kiritsugu should be someone who smiles. Not someone like this.

Justeaze smiles at her victory before it drops. Exchanging a worried glance between the two of us, she rolls her eyes. "It's not that bad. Chin up." Her voice is jovial in contrast.

"When life hits hard, it just means you need to roll with it. Otherwise, it will just keep hitting."

Rallying himself, Kiritsugu seems to come to his own conclusion before ignoring Justeaze. Justeaze puffs out air in frustration before reaching out to lift me up. I give a worried glance at Kiritsugu even as I'm dragged away.

"We are just going to do more training. Don't worry about us," Justeaze said. Kiritsugu is silent as we go past, lost in thought.

"What a sourpuss. You'd think somebody was holding him hostage or something." While complaining, it sounds like Justeaze is making a joke again at something.

I frown at her. I'm not exactly pleased with her myself.

Noticing, she groans. It looks like Justeaze is in one of her bad moods today if she is this rude. "Shirou. I know it sucks for our whole happy family thing going on. But Kiritsugu was going to be a way too stubborn to bother teaching you properly. It's better to rip off the band aid for both of your sakes."

My frown becomes a scowl at her. I cross my arms and stop walking even as she drags me. She effortlessly keeps moving forward with me.

"You should have done it, so he wasn't sad." I demanded.

Justeaze just sighs as we reach the dojo. "And why should have I Shirou?"

"Because it's wrong!"

"Why?"

My arms wave in frustration. Why doesn't she get it? "Because making people sad is wrong."

"And what if making Kiritsugu sad now meant he was happier later? That his sadness meant more people would be happier than if I did nothing."

I'm brought up short for a brief second. Can making people sad bring happiness to others? I couldn't accept that. I couldn't accept a world where the cries for help from those who died in the fire meant Kiritsugu could be happy saving me.

"Then you just make everyone happy! I sensed that deep in my soul. The right way is to make sure everyone is smiling. Other people being happy made me happy. I don't want anyone to be sad near me.

Justeaze just laughs at me. I hit her leg in response and she just laughs harder. Frustration boils in me.

"Sorry, sorry." She said, wiping tears from her eyes. "My laughter wasn't directed towards you. This is new for me, dealing with kids like this," she sighs. "I never used to be like this…" she whispers.

"Like what?" I asked.

Justeaze blushes and looks away at my question, ashamed. "Ah… well, I'm a lot more emotional now…?"

She lost me. She has always been this emotional.

"Anyway." She coughs before recovering and looking a lot more serious. "I'm all for supporting you, Shirou. But you know that making everyone happy with no problems isn't a thing a human can do, right?"

Faced with her criticism, I just scowl. "Then I'll be a human who does it!"

Justeaze has her jaw drop for a second before laughing once again. She doesn't laugh often ever since I met her so it's nice to see it. But when she laughs at me like this, I want to kick her.

"Alright then Shirou. If you want to be someone who makes everyone happy, then who am I disagree?" She puts a hand on my shoulder and smiles down at me. "If you want to walk down this path, it's only right that I support you to the best of my ability."

Her words bring a warmth to my chest as I smile back at her. "I do." I said.

"Well, in that case, I hope you are ready for a world of pain. If you thought the previous stuff was hard, this is going to be your own hell." Her grip tightens on my shoulder, then her expression becomes much more stern.

I gulp nervously.

"I think you have enough knowledge on Reinforcement, Alteration, Graduation Air and Structural Grasp for us to move on to something else. Though I expect you to keep studying these in your own time. Reinforcement is hard but versatile if you are creative enough. Your learning curve is hard for a lot of normal magic, so it's better to get great at what you can."

In her big sister lecture mode, a pair of glasses and a chalkboard that wasn't there before appears. Unlike me, she didn't even need to say an Aria to use her magic to summon these two things.

"If you think making everyone smile is what you want. I think teaching you all about the reasons people don't might be a suitable topic of magic." Justeaze nods her head smugly to herself.

I tilt my head.

"Which means we are going to be learning about curses!" Justeaze sounds cheerful about it.

"You mean like saying bad words?" I asked. She smiles at me fondly as she shakes her head for no.

"No. Well, I suppose yes in a specific instance, but it's more complicated than that." Justeaze turns to the board to draw what looks like a crude stick person and a pointy hat with a piece of chalk I didn't see in her hand. "For those who use magic to cast curses, shamans and witches are quite renowned." She said. She points at the stick person for the shaman, and the hat for the witch.

Jeanne D'Arc. They called her a witch before they tried to burn her.

I interrupt her before she continues. "Like when they called Jeanne a witch? But all she did was fight, right?"

"Well, not necessarily…" she trails off. "Depends on if you consider later on what she did a curse or not." I perk up, staring at Justeaze, hoping she continues.

"Just never call her a witch to the church, okay? That way only leads to problems." She asked. Nodding even if confused, she clicks her tongue. "You almost distracted me." I duck my head in embarrassment while she continues. "I'm only familiar with western curses that I can teach you. The rest we will have to find from other places or people."

"A useful one for you I think we should start with is a curse of retribution."

I raise a hand like I'm in class. "Yes Shirou?" She asked.

"What does retribution mean?"

"Well… it's like revenge in spell form. Or like punishment for doing something bad." She draws a figure of one person on the board writing 'me' underneath it. She then draws an arrow pointing towards a second person on the right, writing 'witch'.

"Lets say I hit the witch with a force of two." Justeaze draws a two above the line on the arrow. "With certain uses of this curse, they can return that same thing back to me but multiplied." She draws a second line above the first, but it now faces in the opposite direction away from the witch. Justeaze writes a four over the top of this new line.

"Pretty simple, right? But honestly, it's hard to implement. Not even including uses that are more returning things like misfortune manifold back or other such things." Her lecture is a lot more on theory today, which I'm not as good at.

"We will stick to just practicing with small wounds first and work our way up into doing this in the dreams with more serious practice." I can only nod in response.

My study after that was a lot easier than any of the magic I had learned outside of Structural Grasp. Where Reinforcement and the magic connected to it had taken me months to make any progress, even with all of Justeazes' help. Making use of curses like this came to me almost second nature. Justeaze's expression mirrored my own joy at my accomplishment.

We stopped early since I still needed to sleep.

Guiding me back to my room, I go to lie in my futon while Justeaze watches. "What happened to Jeanne? You never finished your story." I asked.

With a thoughtful expression, she agrees by nodding her head. "Well, she died." My happiness from my progress turns to ash in my mouth. Having somebody die in a fire like that… it's awful.

"Miraculously, she came back to life not even a week later. The French claimed it as the clear sign of providence, while the English decried her as a witch capable of defying death itself." Her tone turns much more gleeful as she tells the story.

Sitting up, I stare at Justeaze intensely. "You can bring people back from the dead?"

Her amusement fades as she considers my question. "Yes. But such a thing is on the tier of true magic, or the work of the divine." If I could learn such magic. I could bring back all those who died in the fire. There's so much I could make better.

Justeaze just gazes at me with a somber expression, as if she comprehended my thoughts without any words. "Such things are impossible nowadays. You'd need to be an exception, among exceptions, in this time where mystery has degraded so heavily."

My disappointment is heavy. But I keep the thought in the back of my hand that eventually, if I got good enough at magic, I could make everything right again.

"Continuing on." After a pause, she soldiers on. "Traveling by herself, Jeanne, after resurrecting, created both minor and great miracles in the lord's name and the French people praised her name." Her tone has a weird note to it, as if she's trying to keep it normal but not quite succeeding.

"Her deeds were so notable that King Charles, the seventh, sought an audience with her to verify her authenticity after he had left her at the mercy of the English." It made me wonder why she didn't seek him out after being resurrected to ask him why he never tried to save her.

"After meeting privately with the king. He vouched for her authenticity. It had appeared the real Jeanne D'Arc had returned from the dead." With a note of finality, Justeaze tucks me in before laying me down.

"Can't you tell me more?" I asked.

She only chuckles in response before turning on her heel to walk away. "If you do well tonight in training, I'll tell you more."

Sighing, I lay down. I'm just going to sleep so I can train sooner. "Goodnight Justeaze."

"Night." Is the last thing I hear from her before I fall asleep.

End of Chapter One:

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I've been a fan of the whole Type Moon and fate franchise for a fair while at this point. Never really done much writing before so any criticism or thoughts are welcome. I'm aiming to make this be more of slower build up before any Grail War and more of a exploration of the larger setting and different characters. I'm aiming to keep the core of Shirou hopefully still true or believeable despite some changes. And over time explore how he changes or stays similar to his regular counterpart. Writing for a younger Shirou is kind of hard in hindsight. But it does make things a bit more interesting for story exploration.

I'll likely have elements from quite a few different Type Moon connected universes intersect in some way in this fic. There'll also be a bit of a mystery (or more!) going on in the background that I hope some people will be able to figure out what it might possibly be or why.

Till next time.