From the May 18, 2023 writer's prompt on the JE FF Facebook page. Write a one-shot using the words "asking for a friend". No longer a one-shot. Not by a long shot.

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. Mistakes are mine.

Asking for a Friend by Debra8652

Chapter 17 Remy

Remy's - yes, I can see colors - POV

Another duty has been added to my job description - I need a raise! I have been chosen, along with Mom's Man, Ella, and Louis to judge the Ugly Sweater competition in the large conference room at Rangeman. With the guys' crazy schedules, this will allow for more participation and not frighten the general public if we went to Shorty's or Pino's. I am wearing a red and green hoodie that says "So Elfing Merry" with little elf shoes on it. My mom is wearing a sweater that says "Dear Santa, I Can Explain."

Hector has it set up so that the guys can come in and stand in front of a backdrop, which may or may not be Rodriguez's ghost costume from the RM security detail at Halloween, and their picture will be taken via a monitor and uploaded onto the Rangeman Trenton server. Mom and I are the first ones to get photographed. My back is turned to the camera so everyone can read my hoodie. I'm rockin' it.

I am now watching the monitor in that conference room from the side chair in Mom's cubicle. Oh, boy - here comes Woody. He's wearing a green sweater with a black and white cow on it and the cow is wearing a Santa hat. The wording is "Christmas Moood."

I was expecting this since Junior and Ram were shopping on-line for their sweaters on their lunch break and both of them wanted the same one. So, they are wearing identical sweaters to have their picture taken. It's a black sweater with red and green assault weapons on it and the wording "All I Want for Christmas is Another Gun."

My ears just flew up in the air and Mom snorted in a none-too-ladylike fashion. Our next Rangeman is wearing a red sweater with a big upside down snowman on it, legs splayed, with a carrot nose in a really suggestive place. Beneath it is a little green garland with two blue balls hanging from it. Really, Santos?

Here comes Tank. He's wearing a beige sweater (Mom says it's called ecru) with a few red and green stripes and an Army tank in the middle of it. That sweater wouldn't fit anyone else, literally or figuratively.

Bobby is next - it's a black sweater with a picture of a doctor on it. It says "Doc the Halls."

Oh, wow - here's Dad Diesel in an ET sweater that says "Going Home for Christmas." You can record a message with your photo and he claims he couldn't find a sweater with an Intergalactic Apprehension Agent on it.

Hector is next - a black sweater with a wrapped holiday package in the center and "Gangsta Wrapper" on it. Funny.

We may have a winner here - it's RM resident artist Raphael in a sweater with a picture of Bob Ross at his easel, painting Christmas trees, that says "This is My Happy Little Christmas Sweater."

Zip and Zero come in together - they could easily pass for twins. They are both wearing the "I'm with Stupid" sweaters, which point at each other. They aren't exclusively Christmas sweaters but they are wearing Santa hats so they are good to go.

Vince is next - a white sweater with a red outline of Santa's head and "Holly Jolly Buon Natale."

Awesome RM singer Ramon is up - a black sweater with "Warning - May Spontaneously Break Into Song." It's been known to happen.

Aw, here's my baby-faced RM Binkie - he had his baby picture in a Santa outfit transferred to a shirt and Ella embroidered on it "Yes, my mother knows where I am, thank you very much."

Hal is here - a pic of a blushing little boy that says "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

The always camera-ready Caesar, who looks as if he should be on the cover of GQ - a black sweater with a flock of sheep on it - "Fleece Navidad."

And Ghost is in his "I Am the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

Brett's sweater has an opossum wearing a Santa hat. I guess it was never determined what exploded all over him.*

Gene is in his "All I Want for Christmas is an Airplane" sweater. He's a pilot.

Manny - oh, this is cute - a picture of Santa and "My Wifey is Mrs. Claus." That may get him shipped off to a 'Stan.

Bones is in his "Irish You a Merry Christmas" sweater.

Cal with a drunk looking guy on his sweater - "When They Realize the Eggnog is Spiked."

Rodriguez is wearing a latex Santa mask that fits over his whole head. Poor Mom - thwarted again in her quest to see Rodriguez.

Mom's Man just made a great decision - the photos will be uploaded to all Rangeman branches for voting. A donation will be made to the winner's charity of choice.

So ... are my guys still badasses? Asking for a friend.

*Lean Mean Thirteen

A/N This was inspired by the story "The Sweater" by Robot Zombie Pineapples - a highly recommended and very entertaining read! Christmas sweaters were found on the Internet, or are the product of my imagination. You can choose your own contest winner.