Chapter 4: Stagnant Wrath
Without anyway to contact anyone else I know whenever I needed, it made this whole situation a lot more awkward. Kiritsugu had shown me all about mobile phones, but the only one I knew who had one was him. And well, I already said Matou could come with me without asking the others at training...
Which means I'd have to do my usual schedule with Matou coming with me everywhere. I had training with Rin later today, so I should probably leave now so I wouldn't be late. Getting ready and leaving the house required little since I needed little, and Matou had little.
Trying not to grimace as I lead Matou by foot towards our usual training spot, my attempts at asking her about herself went fairly poorly. With no hobbies or interests, the best I could get from her was that I was certain her family must have hated her.
It was hard not to show my anger at her previous family. I'd never tell Justeaze this, but I think she did the right thing here.
Partway Matou had slowed down, so I just gave her a piggyback ride for the last couple of hours. Normally I'd just run the entire way there instead of asking for a ride to get there, but I wasn't sure how she'd handle it.
Matou said little about our long travel or being carried. It surprised me how thin and light she was. People were used to seeing me run past, so they no longer got as worried by it. I had to talk a few concerned adults out of being worried about me.
"Don't worry about the forest we are going to. Since I'm here, you'll be safe, okay?" I can feel her nod behind me on my shoulder as we make our way into the depths of the Einzbern forest. Mist covered most of our path and only thinned when we got close to the mansion.
Sounds of thumps and grunts of pain were what I heard first before I saw Rin and Kotomine. I winced as I saw Kotomine with an open palm get under Rins guard, hold on to Rins neck and toss her a couple of feet on her back. Sweating and out of breath, she just lied on her back with closed eyes as Kotomine stared down at her impassively.
Turning his head to look in my direction, he gives an appraising look. "Emiya, so this is why you were late."
Trying not to let my guilt show, I nod. "Yeah, sorry for being late, it's... complicated."
"I hope you have not started following in your sister's habits and tried kidnapping." Giving a look of reproach, he looks between the both of us. Matou ignores either of us to look at Rin out of the corner of her eye, between staring at the floor.
"Grk." I didn't have anyway to defend Justeaze against that accusation.
Wait, she's done this before?
Rin, exhausted on the ground, opens her eyes and moves her head to look in my direction and freezes. Under my concerned look, she drags herself to her feet and starts stumbling in my direction. It looks like she wants to say something, but looks between Matou and me with a gaping mouth.
"Shirou, what do you think you are doing with my- Matou here!" Stumbling over her words, she furiously pokes a finger into me repeatedly. Unfortunately, she's still reinforced, so it has some painful force to do it.
Wait, did she just call Matou hers? Is she one of Rins' friends I didn't know about? Annoyed with myself, I can only hope to pay more attention next time.
Moving back out of range from her painful pokes, I give her a frown back. "The walk here was long, so I helped carry her here."
This doesn't relieve Rin and instead makes her angrier. "You walked from your house to here, didn't you?" Not giving me a chance to speak up, she advances as I backtrack. "Do you know how many hours that takes to walk? Are you an idiot?"
As I run backwards, I make sure not to jostle Matou while giving a apologetic smile for both of their benefits. "I know. I just didn't have anyway to make the trip faster. And I didn't want to run here like I normally do."
Rin stops as her anger is instead replaced with credulousness. "Wait. You don't get somebody to drive you here?"
"No...? That seems like a waste when I can just run here."
"...but that's still hours of running...?" In her bafflement, she narrows her eyes at me.
"It's not that long if you don't take breaks. People were concerned at first, but now they just ignore it." I think I left Rin speechless. Matou gives a very faint giggle from behind my back. I felt more than heard. I turn my head to give her a small smile.
Kotomine, having made his way closer to the both of us, gives me a look of concern. "Regardless of your methods of getting here, the major concern here is the young Matou heir you have. Unless there is some information you have I am unaware of, the elder Matou will almost certainly come back to reclaim her and will be unconcerned about if you, Emiya, live through the experience."
With a stubborn set of my jaw, I shake my head for no. "Apparently the Matou elder was trying to steal from Justeaze, so she took Matou here in response." Both Rin and Kotomine give complicated expressions at that confession. "Then she learned that Matou here has been mistreated."
Saying it out loud only brings back my anger once again.
"Her whole family hates her, has been hurting her without teaching her magic properly. Justeaze said she was being wasted there, and personally, I can't let them abuse somebody for no reason." Almost daring them to disagree, I scowl fiercely at them fiercely at them both.
The responses from them both are vastly different, where Kotomine seems unmoved by this discovery. Rin looks like she's going to be sick.
"As Rins guardian and a member of the Church, I must, of course, remain neutral in this scenario. While mistreatment of a child is reprehensible, I require more concrete evidence that would need intervention. I shall neither help nor hinder you."
My vision flashes red briefly as I tense in my anger. Letting out an explosive breath to calm myself down, I feel Matou go still from behind me. I'm such an idiot, I didn't even think about if I might upset her.
"Why can't someone from the church help somebody being hurt by their family?" My tone is deceptively calm, despite my boiling rage.
"One cannot simply ignore both the laws and peace for the sake of one girl, Emiya." He gives me a look of pity.
Rin, having come closer to me, hesitates before holding a hand out to Matou. "Sakura, is what Shirou here said true?"
Both her hands and voice are shaky. I've never seen Rin sound so shaken before.
This is my fault for bringing her in and not finding a better way to bring this up. If I just need payed more attention, this wouldn't be a problem!
Matou hesitates from behind me, still as a statue, as she has some sort of mental debate. Silently in my head, I wish she would just speak up. A burden shared is a burden halved after all, so I might as well help her come to her own decision and hopefully help her heal.
I'm not sure if healing the way you felt was much easier than healing pain, but it was worth trying. That's another thing I'd need to learn. Even if I save people's lives, that doesn't mean I've saved them entirely.
Hopefully, her family won't haunt her like the fire does me.
"Hey, it's okay." She can't see me, but I make my voice strong and give a bright smile so they have nothing to worry about. "You're safe here. You have people here who you care about you." I turn my head to look into her eyes and project as much confidence as possible.
"If anyone tries to hurt you, I'll beat them up. So let's make today something you can smile to, okay?" Internally I'm sweating but trying not to let it show.
There's a couple of long seconds where Matou and Rin look at me blankly. But for a very brief moment, to the point I almost missed it, I think I saw Matou smile. Matous expression drops, compared to her blank expression from before she looks upset. Even when showing herself to be upset like this, she's still quiet.
"…yes. They were… not very good people." With a trembling hand Matou takes Rins' hand in her own. Bending down so she can get off easier, she slowly slides down off my back. My jaw drops when Rin pulls Matou into a hug, where they both start crying. Awkwardly, unsure on how to deal with this, I move towards Kotomine, who smiles at this reunion of friends.
Maybe Rin and I have misjudged him if he can be this happy at this scene. He seems like a decent guy as long as I've known him... most of the time.
"They are going to be busy catching up. While they do that, can I spar with you teacher?" I asked.
Looking in my direction, Kotomine looks curious. "Do you not wish to ask further about what is happening? I would have expected you to be more curious, considering the distress of those girls." While the question is harmless, it echoes in my head like a condemnation. I grit my teeth before calming down.
"I'm not sure how I can help them." The admission hurts. "Since it's Rins friend, I'll let her handle it for now. I trust her." With a slump of my shoulders, I continue. "Until then, I'll support them from the side and do my best to become the sort of person who can make everyone smile."
"Oh?" With a sound of interest, Kotomine stares down at me as if to peer into my soul. "Someone who can make everyone smile? You should know better than to seek the impossible. You will only make more tears in the end for yourself following that path. There are those in the world you will never be able to please."
His admonishment has the blood rush to my head. Before I know it, I've stepped closer to Kotomine without realizing it. Unsure of what I was even doing, I shake my head while Kotomine watches me with an amused, if cautious, expression.
"Impossible..." Gritting my teeth, I think back on the stories Justeaze had told me. Those in history who were told things were impossible. "The impossible hasn't always stopped people. Even if nobody knows the answer now, I'll keep looking."
In a very rare moment, he chuckles at me, finally lowering his body as he prepares for our spar. "I'll look forward to what you do in the future, then."
There were no more words exchanged after the fight started.
After that, while Matou lived with me, Rin would come visit almost every day. To make sure I could spend as much time with Matou to keep her safe while Justeaze was away, both Tohsaka, and I had to beg Kotomine to help us. Eventually he caved and arranged for Matou to join us in our year level even if she was a year behind.
If that failed, we were considering on trying to alter the memories of the teachers to have her join temporarily until we could make it real. Thankfully, we didn't need to.
Matou struggled a lot, but Rin and I spent as much time as possible tutoring her to get her up to speed. Matou was actually just as smart as Rin, which left me in awe of the two of them.
Maybe smart people just all know each other?
While she almost said nothing and was very shy, over time she slowly opened up. At times, I swear she looked as if she was afraid or in disbelief. Matou followed me almost everywhere, when I was training in my workshop, the dojo when I sparred with Taiga, to and from school. It was like we were attached to the hip.
Everything had been going fairly well. Even without Justeaze around nowadays, I only slept a couple of hours a night, so I usually spent the extra time studying. But something we hadn't really accounted for happened two weeks after Justeaze had left.
There was no medication left to help with my nightmares.
At first, it was like I relived that fire every night. Helpless, lost, left following an ashen trail of flowers. But the longer it went on, the more horrific my nightmares got.
In the fire, those I leave behind only become more and more monstrous. Murderers, liars, cheats and cowards. People shoved into the fire with glee, those killed so the fire wouldn't take their prey first. Belongings taken in greed before the thief burns to death for their foolishness. Countless, horrible people for hours on end.
Trapped in my body, I could only witness these sights without stopping them. I raged and screamed, but my body left no sound. Only silent footfalls in the muddy ash.
The worst part is that even after doing such terrible things, they didn't feel satisfied. We had the same eyes, after all. Constantly desiring more.
Waking up from these nightmares leave me covered in sweat, feeling sick and aching. This doesn't last longer than an hour, thankfully. The pain is bone deep across my body and beats in tune with my heart, but thankfully pain is something I'm used to.
I thought about asking Kotomine or Rin for help, but I preferred them being happy and not worrying, so I kept it to myself.
So long as no one knows about it, it should be fine.
My nightmares were how I found out that Matou has them too, crying out in her sleep. If I had any of my medication left, I would have given her some. But unfortunately, I have no talent for magical healing. I'm useless here for both our sakes.
At the end of our first month, in the morning of the first day of the weekend, I had come up with a answer on how to help myself. Talking to others looked like it worked for Rin and Matou. But I didn't want to bother anyone.
Instead, there were only two people I could talk to that this would work with and who I wouldn't worry anymore.
As I tried sneaking out of the house after my latest nightmare, I run into Matou of all people sitting at the Kotatsu in the dark of the living room. The entrance was left open, so I have a clear view of her. Her eyes are closed, but open in time for both of us to make eye contact. Startled, she flinches before giving me a curious look in the faint moonlight.
"Ah, Matou." I said.
Awkwardly, we stare at each other.
"...Emiya. Were you getting some water?" Just as awkwardly, Matou offers a path out of our awkwardness. Since it's too late now I might as well be truthful on what I'm doing.
"No, I just couldn't sleep properly." Hopefully, my tired smile reassures her somewhat. Actually, maybe this is an opportunity?
Making my way to the same kotatsu as her, I sit down across from her with a sigh. "Normally, I have nightmares. My sister or my old man have medicine to help me sleep properly, but both of them are away." Trying to make light of the situation, I shrug. "There isn't any magical medicine left right now. And I can't do magecraft like that at all."
Taking the time to mull over my words, eventually Matou speaks up with a faint tone of concern. "Nightmares?"
Fire and screams are all I see as my thoughts go back to my nightmare before I snap out of it. In the time I wasn't paying attention Matou has moved closer and hovers a hand near me. Her eyes have gone wide, and she looks concerned in the most expressive I've seen her outside of with Rin. Noticing me paying attention now, she retracts her hand.
"Are you okay?"
Feeling bad at making her worry, I nod my head.
"Yeah." The silence stretches for a couple of seconds. "Yeah, I'm fine." Sounding much more sure the second time, I shake my head to forget. "Sorry, here I am talking about nightmares when you want to avoid your own."
Shocked, Matou looks down in shame, staying silent. I sigh.
"Hey, keep your head up. I have nightmares too, it's nothing to be ashamed of." Peeking out at me from her bangs, she has a slight look of curiosity even as she stays hunched. "If you ever want to talk about that sort of stuff, I'm here for you. But if you don't, I understand."
Shaking her head for no with only a slight motion, I make a small sound of agreement.
"That's fine then. Even I'm avoiding talking to others about my nightmares." Her head shooting up from where she was looking down, her eyes are wide in surprise. "Yeah, I know, right? I just don't want to burden other people."
Matou gives me a look I can't quite place, something both positive and negative all at once. At least understanding her gets easier with time compared to when I first met her.
"Why?" The word is heavy with multiple emotions from Matou.
Trying to think of the right answer just doesn't work. So all I can do is speak from the heart.
"...I just want others to be happy. If people hear I'm not doing well, then it will either make them feel bad or they won't care. Even if I know it might make me feel better... it just doesn't feel worth it to make others feel worse."
My eyes see all those left in the fire. A real hero would have been able to save them. My fist clenches under my determination. Nothing like that will happen ever again. A world where everyone can be happy. That's what I want.
"For this, I'm truly sorry Matou." I lower my head in a bow in apology. "I was going to say all this to someone else so I wouldn't burden anyone. But I ended up saying all of it, anyway." Guilt eats away at me. My still sick stomach lurches and I fight down the urge to vomit even as my muscles ache at my bending.
Without seeing her, all I hear is a small gasp and then silence. "It's okay." I hear rustling before I feel a small hand patting my head. "You and Rin have been kind to me. I feel like I've been in a dream." Struggling to find the right words, she lamely finishes. "So helping you makes me happy, too."
Tension leaves my body in my relief, feeling almost lightheaded as a radiant smile comes across my face. Matou retracts her hand so I can raise my head. Looking into her eyes, I can only give a grateful look to her. "Thank you."
Taken aback by words, we stare at each other for a long couple of seconds as Matou seems almost unable to look away. "Rin is really lucky to have a friend as nice as you." With a blush, she looks down, both confused and embarrassed.
Even suffering from the effects of my nightmare, I feel like I have had a weight taken off my back. I was going to go alone, but maybe Matou wouldn't mind going for a walk with me.
"Matou, I know it's late. But if you feel like taking a walk with me, do you want to come visit my parents?" Even after resolving myself to ask, I still hesitated.
Looking just as hesitant, Matou stares across at me as her blush fades. "Your parents?"
Nodding my head, I get up from under the kotatsu. "Yeah, I haven't talked to them since the fire. I've been avoiding it, I guess." When I first came to live here, I thought about it initially, but Justeaze kept me so busy I never got the chance.
Looking unconvinced, Matou just nods her head. "If you want to, do it."
I'm not sure how to take that answer, so I just assume we are going together. "I'll get you one of my coats, then. It'll be cold out this morning."
By the time we are ready to go, Matou is wearing some of my older clothes and almost swallowed by my larger coat, but at least she looks warm. Taking a scarf, I wrap it around her neck so the only thing left uncovered is from her nose upwards. I briefly think about getting her a hat before she tugs on my shirtsleeve.
"Are we going?" Matou has a mixed expression, as if she is unsure if she likes or dislikes my treatment.
Chuckling awkwardly to myself, I nod. "If it gets warm, you can just take off a layer." The wisdom of Kiritsugu I gleamed by watching him always wear multiple layers. I always had clothes with plenty of pockets, too. Pockets are amazing.
We open the door and leave, our way lit only by moonlight in the dead silent morning.
Our trek this time is slow. I don't feel like making my pain much worse at the minute. Most of our talk on the way is mostly about schoolwork and how she has found living here. Thankfully, she seemed content with the way things were going.
Eventually we arrived at my destination, the new Fuyuki Central Park. A large open space that should eventually be made into a place that would bring joy back to those who spend time here. But as we walked through it, I felt almost as if I was walking backwards through that fire once again.
Eventually, we arrived at where my house once stood. Out the front, I see my parents waving at me. I wave back before a sound to my side makes the vision fade. Matou tugs at my side with a worried glance at me. "Who is it? I can't see."
No longer lost in my head, I can feel my own pains once again. My pain is worse than ever before, as it feels almost like something burns in my veins and my vision swims. I don't feel tired anymore, thankfully.
"Sorry, just my parents." Walking closer to be just where my parents were standing, I look at the empty dirt where they died.
"Hello mother, hello father." Matou makes a sound of realization in the back of her throat that sounds terribly sad. I wince.
"Sorry it's taken me this long to come visit. I promise I haven't forgotten you." On the worst nights sometimes I wish I did. "I've made friends now. I'm one of the best in school. People look up to me now."
"I wish you could see it." My voice trails off in the silent park. An icy wind sweeps through the area, sounding like a quiet wail. We both shiver.
"I'm going to become a hero of justice. So nothing like this ever happens again." I hesitate, not wanting to ruin the positive note I have going. After it stretches for too long, Matou nudges me before taking my hand in her own. She says nothing.
"...sorry. I've not been saying everything." I sigh. "It's been hard. Even like this I feel like there's always a part of me stuck in that fire following a endless road of flowers." Avoiding to look at the ground and stare up at the moon, I continue. "Sometimes, whenever Justeaze isn't around, I have nightmares of being back in the fire. Of abandoning people to die, of leaving you."
I grimace. "And they only get worse. The people in them become more and more awful. Sometimes... sometimes I wonder if we should save people like that." My skin crawls at that confession and even Matous hand holding mine slackens.
Gritting my teeth, I raise my voice. "But I refuse!" Startled, Matou flinches at my voice. "A real hero, the type of hero I want to be. I'll make it so even the worst of people will be able to smile. Everybody should have a chance to be saved."
"It'll take more than nightmares to stop me."
In the aftermath of my confession, I straighten my back and stare up at the moon, reaffirming my wish. The sound of a dry chuckle startles me as Matou gives a small squeak in surprise. Turning my head I spot a withered, hairless old man standing only a couple of feet across from us. Hunched over with a cane and wearing black and purple robes, he looks unassuming, except for the fact he somehow sneaked up on me.
I must have been too focused on my speech. My cheeks color in embarrassment.
Matou has completely frozen next to me and doesn't seem to breathe. Worried, I squeeze her hand but get no response.
"It's refreshing to hear the passion of the youth of today." The old man said, giving a fond look at us. "Hearing you talk like that makes me nostalgic." Staying where he is, the old man looks up to where I was staring at the moon.
Matou calls out hesitantly after a pause. "G-grandfather...?" Her voice shakes in fear at this old man. Hearing her call this man's grandfather leaves me stunned for a few seconds before I grit my teeth in my anger. I feel my blood boiling as the ache in my bones gets worse.
"Hmm?" Turning his head back to look at us, he gives an appraising look before his grin turns wider. "Sakura, I hope they have treated you well," he says, turning his head back to look at us and giving an appraising look before his grin turns wider. My hands twitch as the urge to destroy this old man thrums in my head.
"They have." Her tone is dead, as all the emotion she had gained over the last week drains from it. After that, I don't remember activating my magic circuits, but the next moment magical energy was coursing through me. I had to fight down cursing this old man immediately since I didn't know strong he was.
"If you try to hurt Matou, you'll regret it." Next to me, Matou shivers in the cold as I keep my eyes on this old man. My head hurts, but I refuse to focus on anything except for Matou in the red haze my vision has become.
The old man's amusement briefly fades, and frustration takes its place. "So that is where it went. How troublesome to be beaten on all fronts." His friendly expression returns slowly, before looking over the two of us with an appraising look.
I watch with rapt attention as he talks and addresses me, not falling for whatever nonsense he was on about. "Have no fear, young Emiya. I'm sure my granddaughter will be in safe hands so long as you are around, yes?" While completely benign, it feels almost like he is mocking me.
Now facing Matou, he continues. "You shall stay with Justeaze and young Emiya here there from now on. While Shinji has replaced you as the current heir, you must conduct yourself befitting of the Matou family."
Almost slack in her shock, Matou sways as she uses me as support. Something in the elders' words draw her attention, leaving her sounding worried through the numb facade.
"Shinji is the heir now? But I thought..." She trails off in her confusion.
"It is no longer a problem going forward." Truly pleased, he leans forward as if to peer closer at Matou. "He shall, of course, need to catch up in his training." As Matou pales at his words and starts looking ill, I interpose myself between the two of them.
"Get to your point. You are making her uncomfortable." Giving her hand a squeeze, I let out a heavy breath between my clenched teeth. I'm both glad and feel guilty that she is here. If she wasn't, I'm sure I would have attacked already.
It wouldn't go well with an old Magus like this. To walk with death this long and still live... how frightening.
"Hmph." Making a disgruntled sound, he shakes his head in disappointment. "The youth of today, so impatient." Just before my temper frays, consequences be damned, he sighs. "I shall have Shinji leave some tomes for you to study by yourself, Sakura. Both the Einzbern and I expect much from you."
Turning so that he would circle around and away from us, he makes his slow trek with his cane.
"So long as you stay ahead in your studies of magecraft, I'm sure you will have no need of additional lessons."
Almost growling, I respond before Matou can. "She won't need them."
The old man only gives a dry chuckle in response. Stopping briefly, he turns his head to stare at us both with his beady little eyes. "You two are, of course, invited to visit the Matou household at any time."
Neither of us says anything in response. Now satisfied with himself, it takes minutes for her grandfather to finally be out of my eyesight. Absently, I notice the fact I must have reinforced myself without realizing it.
Tossing the thought out of my mind for more important things, I turn my focus to Matou. Now with her grandfather gone out of view, she shakes like a leaf in the wind. Hugging herself, she looks both elated and horrified all at once.
With a quick debate in my mind, I pull Matou to my side. The silence stretches on for what feels like forever before her shivering subsides as she buries her face in my shirt.
"You'll never have to go back to them, Matou. I promise."
My promise carries on the wind, before fading into the distance. She just nods into my shirt without looking up.
As we made our way back, I tried to ignore the shadows at the corners of my eyes and the throbbing headache I have. It's only once we exit the back that I felt better. Normal nightlife outside of the oppressive silence and wind of the park leave me almost gasping in relief.
It felt like I'd stopped breathing and only just realized I needed air. Matou was thankfully too out of it to pay too much attention to my struggle. The rest of the walk home is in silence.
Being already reinforced, it's easy to avoid other people until we arrive back home. Matou was practically sleep walking near the end, so with great care I took her to my room and tucked her into my futon. As soon as she lied down, she was out like a light.
Sitting down in seiza next to her, I practice meditating while waiting for the morning. This anger I had was getting out of hand, and I needed to learn how to control it better. I never thought of myself as a angry person before this year. It's best just to make sure nothing goes wrong.
After all, a genuine hero would save someone like that horrible old man.
Wouldn't they?
By the time the sun rose, I couldn't convince myself to stay and watch over Matou for longer. Letting her rest in, I took the time to get my regular exercise done before Rin would drag herself to my house.
There was something always entertaining about watching Rin half asleep dragging herself to my doorstep to check up on Matou. She would forget to eat something, so usually she would force me with all the power of a dictator to cook for both her and Matou whenever she showed up.
Sometimes I felt like Rin was a friendly cat I befriended when she's not fully awake.
After I'd toweled myself off and was finishing making breakfast, Rin had arrived. Bleary-eyed and stumbling like a zombie, she sunk herself down at the kotatsu once she got close enough. Taking a couple of minutes to collect herself, she finally realizes the absence in the room.
"Shirou, where is Sakura?" Searching as if she can find her nearby, she still doesn't leave the warmth of the kotatsu.
"Still sleeping. She's had nightmares again."
Grimacing, Rin seems to wake up from that sentence alone. A myriad of emotions cross her face before I place a bowl of porridge in front of her. Wrinkling her nose, she doesn't turn down the food she's unfamiliar with.
We say the customary lets eat before digging in. Both Rin and I silently agree to let Matou sleep in today. Eating is the only sound that fills the room for a couple of minutes. Thinking about it, I should inform Rin about what happened last night.
"We saw the Matou elder last night." Better I get straight to the point.
Chocking on her food, Rin pounds her chest before glaring at me with a look that promises murder for someone. "Excuse me Shirou, I thought I misheard you."
"He told us so long as Matou stayed ahead in her magical and school studies, she could stay here."
Unsure of how to even process what I just said, Rin blinks owlishly before sighing in a way that felt like she was copying me.
"That's good at least. But you haven't explained *what* happened at all." Frustrated, Rin scowls at me.
Hesitating, I debate internally about how to tell this. Matou might just tell Rin anyway, so I'm not sure withholding things would be a good idea. But there was an unfortunate middle ground where Rin deserved to know, but I didn't want to worry her.
"Well." My hesitated makes her scowl further. If I don't talk soon, she will do something drastic.
"Last night, I saw Matou in the kitchen after she had a nightmare. I asked if she wanted to go for a walk with me, which she agreed to. We traveled to the park and met the Matou elder." A brief look of distaste flickers across my face. "He talked at us. I got angry. Matou got scared and he shared a couple of things with us.
Counting with my hands, I list what he said from memory. "First, he said something about losing. I didn't know what he was on about. Second, he said Matou could live with me so long as she stayed up to date in her studies and wouldn't need extra lessons."
Rin pales at the lesson part.
"Then he mentioned that someone called Shinji had replaced Matou as the heir and that a previous problem he had was no longer a worry. That and he would need to catch up on his learning. Shinji will come here to drop off books for Matous learning."
Looking contemplative, Rin waves her hand for me to continue.
"And the last thing was the elder inviting us to come visit at any time." My distaste is quite obvious to that option.
Debating internally, eventually Rin has a look of determination come across her face. "The answer here is clear, then. Obviously this just means Sakura is going to need to be ahead of expectations, so she will never need to go back." Nodding to herself, she looks pleased at her own thoughts. "In exchange for teaching her magic from my family, that just means I'll take some knowledge from her family tomes. An easy exchange."
My unimpressed look goes ignored. You don't need an excuse to help someone, Rin.
Turning her attention to me, she glares before jabbing a finger in my direction. "And you, stop talking long walks off by yourself, especially at night! Did nobody tell you that could be dangerous?"
"No? I mean, everything can be dangerous, and I should be able to handle most of it."
Giving an exasperated look to my unmoved one, she huffs. "Your arrogance will get you or someone else hurt one day."
Pausing between bites of my breakfast, I grimace at Rin's point.
Softening her tone, she gives me a look of pity. "I know you like to help others, but that won't matter if the person who needs saving in the end is you."
The rest of breakfast is silent.
With how often Rin came over, she had her own room where she left her own things. After Matou had woken up, the two of them had left to speak privately there. Inwardly, I sighed in relief. Good thing I told Rin, otherwise she would have found out from Matou.
Nowadays, Rin practiced Magecraft together with me. But initially she had just practiced by herself at my house, but it had been fairly awkward until we both gave up on it.
Considering the time we spent together and shared. It felt wrong to have such a disconnect.
Eventually, they allowed me back in the room. The both of them sported smiles and red eyes, but I made sure not to mention it.
Rins' room had been filled with various books, both old and new, with various tags on them to keep track of certain pages. To the side, she had her own desk, with what looked like odd tools and materials. I had no idea on what they all did.
She even had her own western style bed. She had moved here with the help of Kotomine. He seemed fairly amused at the whole situation and didn't protest. Despite getting a bed here, Rin almost never stayed the night.
I didn't get her at all sometimes.
At least I knew now that the reason Rin liked jewels was because part of the Magecraft she knew made use of them. It made getting her gifts easy if I ran out of ideas.
All three of us found different parts of the floor to sit seiza as we faced each other.
"Considering Sakura needs to catchup in her training. While I'm here, I'll be helping her with different magecraft to see what works for her. While I'm away, Shirou will teach you in the basics."
We both nod at Rins words. She gives a stern look to the both of us. "And just because we want Matou to learn, that doesn't mean she should rush using magic. Be smart about this." Looking between us to make sure we got the point, she makes eye contact with Matou.
"For now, until your books get here, we will practice the basics in the four different elemental magic. Just to be safe, we will do it in Shirous workshop."
Matou gives a questioning look at me before I clarify. "I'm not that picky about you two seeing my workshop. There isn't anything in there I don't trust you with or you couldn't find out yourself."
Rin shakes her head in bemusement.
"Shirou here is the type of weirdo who lets anyone into his workshop." Teasing me, I roll my eyes in return.
"Not just anyone. Rin here is the only person who's seen mine that isn't Justeaze."
"Considering the bounded field and protections in your workshop are way more than anything I've seen you do, I'm not surprised Justeaze has been in there."
All I can do is sulk in silence at the truth of Rin's words. It hurts my pride to admit I have almost no experience in that sort of magecraft.
Matou gives me a look of pity before giving a look of admonishment to Rin. "Emiya is trying his hardest. You shouldn't be mean to him." Her frown makes even me feel bad.
Rin makes a sound of pain before pouting herself. "Fine, fine. I'll leave him alone for now." Getting up from her position, she grabs Matou by the hand to drag her towards our destination.
"Wait, hey!" I scramble to my feet to follow.
My workshop wasn't anything special ever since I got it. Considering my lack of knowledge in a lot of areas of magecraft and no ability to make anything, all it had was a couple of sturdy draws, some desks, training dummies and a lot of space. Which, considering all the protections it had, made it a good spot to test out magecraft if I was unsure of the result.
Little surprise on why we went here.
Out of the great consideration of Rin, or something like that in her own words, both Matou and I got to practice the elemental spells together. I refrained from reminding her we were practicing in my place, too.
It turned out as we started practicing that Matou was just as good at learning magic as Rin was. I tried not to let my jealousy of their talent show. Jealousy was something I hadn't felt in so long that it surprised me at the feeling. It's not something I should show towards friends, anyway. So I focused on why it was good they were doing well.
If Matou was anything like Rin, I'm sure the talent was in excellent hands.
Where Rin would be fairly ecstatic at her own success, Matou was humble and reserved. Telling Rin to learn from Matous example earned me a smile from one and a smack on the back of the head from the other.
But compared to Rin, who was focused and dedicated. Matou was a altogether a different beast. Matou just could focus completely on a task until it was done. Even Rin would need a break from learning, but Matou just soldiered on.
The only element that Matou could use with any sort of proficiency was water-based spells. Unfortunately, like I already suspected with my talk with Justeaze, any attempt I made at the normal elements was a struggle uphill.
During practice, I got all the spell-casting elements right. The problem was that whenever I tried using that magic, it would just never work properly the way it should. The magic was expensive for what they did. They were imprecise and went towards more... violent results.
Fire I seemed to have the most success with, though not in any conventional way. The best I could get with it was a sort of controlled failure, where it ate through my magical energy and overloaded itself for a destructive result.
Fire, I think, I'm going to avoid.
My lack of results in Earth or Wood type magic left me very disappointed, though. I hoped...
Well, I guess it didn't matter in the end. If it couldn't be done, then that was the way it was. Eventually I could convince myself of that, at least if I repeated it.
At the very least, I'm going to keep trying to see if I can make these spells work while I'm here with the two of them, but I had a sinking feeling it would not work. Rin quickly grew frustrated with both of us within the first few hours.
Throwing up her hands in exasperation, she scowls at the both of us. "Emiya, I can understand because he's weird. But you too Sakura? Even I'm getting tired at this rate. How do you two just not take breaks?"
Sulking, she drapes herself across the floor. Matou and I share a glance before I get a great idea. "Hmm, I mean if you want to rest because you can't handle it Rin, just say so."
Shooting upright as if electrocuted, she splutters. "That wasn't what I was saying at all!"
Making a non-committal sound, I look at Matou, who seems unsure on how to react. "That's what I heard. What did you hear?"
Realizing what is going on, a rare mischievous smile shows up on Matous face for a brief second before she nods. "That's what I heard."
Rin gapes at us both before making a whining sound. "You two are mean. You're teasing me, aren't you?" My composure breaks before I give out a small chuckle, with Matou giving out a giggle. Rin smiles at us both with a look that promises revenge.
Before Rin continues, I hear a sound of a bell in my head. Getting up from my spot on the floor, I motion for the others to stay. "Just somebody at the door. You two can keep practicing here if you want while I answer it."
As I make my way away from the both of them towards the entrance, Rin calls out. "What if it's the package for Sakura?"
"Even better if I answer it by myself, then."
I don't hear her answer as the door closes behind me. Keeping my speed fairly quick on my way up so I don't leave the person waiting in front of the house too long, I reinforce myself, just in case.
By the time I get to the front and open the door, an impatient, blue-haired boy with short curly hair is tapping his foot as he stands next to piles of boxes lying on the ground. Obviously coming from some form of wealth, he wears a yukata that would have cost a fair amount of money if what Makidera had told me about them was true.
"Finally!" Practically shouting in my face, I frown at his rudeness. "I'm here to drop off some things for Sakura, so if you could go get her." Dismissively, he waits impatiently as I stand there and make no move to leave.
"That won't be needed."
Annoyed at my tone mirroring his, I give him a bright grin in response that I don't feel at all. "What are you, a servant or something?" Shaking his head, he puffs out his chest and gives a grin, bursting with bravado, self satisfied in himself over something.
"It doesn't matter, this stuff is something quite private, so I shouldn't hand it to strangers like you," he repeats his previous dismissive motion, treating me like some annoying pet he's trying to shoo away. Despite this, I step forward into his space, maintaining my smile.
Matou realizes the difference in our sizes as I tower well over a foot over him and am much wider. He looks a little unsettled and confused at me, but noticeably doesn't back down.
"What, are you deaf? I said go get her!" I ignore him.
"Your name is Shinji, right?"
Completely forgoing politeness, I ask directly.
Continuing before he can say something else, I keep eye contact with him. "That means you must be related to Matou, then."
"Y-yes," he says, getting control of himself and trying to maintain eye contact to not be cowed. "Has anyone told you that you are rude? I'm not surprised Sakura would find herself an inferior servant after running away."
"Shinji, I'll give you some friendly advice." My smile slips for a moment as something unpleasant stirs in my stomach. He sweats across from me.
"If you keep talking like that knowing nothing, people might just have to educate you, you know?" Imitating the way old man Raiga sometimes talked when angry I lean over him.
Moving away from Matou here, I pick up some boxes to start taking them into the house. I give a glance over at him. "Make yourself useful and pick up some boxes to help them get inside. We shouldn't make a girl carry this all."
Before the blue-haired boy can make can make a sound of protest, I give him one of Rins mocking grins. "Your a man, aren't you? Or can't you handle it?" At this point, it's fairly obvious to me. I think there's something I just can't stand about the Matou family knowing what they've done.
The next couple of minutes are silent as we both carry some boxes inside. Intially, he tried to copy how much I was carrying, but he couldn't even pick up half of what I did without collapsing. He probably had a servant carry all of it to the door.
"Who even are you anyway?" Panting, the disheveled boy drops the last of the bags inside. He doesn't have the energy anymore to sound arrogant like he did before. Good.
"Emiya Shirou, a fellow Magus." My words taste bitter on my tongue at the lie. I wouldn't consider him and I even close on the same level as people.
Shocked into silence at my words, he looks at me with wide eyes. "Matou shall, of course, be staying here with me from now on. I'm to hear you are the new heir. Congratulations." My words are hollow, but he seems to draw strength from them.
"Thank you." He tries to sound humble, but pride is fit to burst from him.
"On the other hand, I've come to believe your treatment of her was... disappointing." Scowling at me, I bulldoze through before he can say anything. "While Matou lives here, I'd rather you never spoke to her. Since we are young, I shouldn't hold grudges, so I'll just admonish you in her place."
"Who are you to tell my family how to act?!" Having regained some of his energy, he straightens up to point at me in all his young anger. I remain cool on the outside as my blood boils.
"Frankly speaking, I don't care about what your family thinks is right or not." That's right, I'm just that sort of selfish person. "If I see people miserable like that, I'm not going to just stand by the side and give up."
Obviously tired of me completely dominating the conversation, he crosses his arms and stops being so reactionary. "And who are you to tell me or my family what to do? You're a nobody. I've never heard of someone from you family. You're not an adult, you're not somebody from the church. Your parents aren't even answering the door."
Shrewdly, he looks around, taking stock of the area. "No servants either." He gives a triumphant look at me. "So that means you aren't an old running family, you're just somebody from a background that had money and can do magecraft."
How annoying. I didn't think there were more people who were smart just like Rin. Thankfully he seemed not as skilled in magecraft, otherwise he would have noticed how much danger he was in by stepping into the house.
Not being entirely right, but the fact he learned this much is impressive by itself.
"If I'm such a nobody, why is Matou here?" That brings us both up short. After all, even I didn't know why exactly she was here outside of what Justeaze had said.
Annoyed at being unable to answer that question, the finely dressed boy dusts himself off and collects his composure. "Well, if Sakura wants to waste my time and her books here, then she can do that for all I care."
"I'm destined for greater things now, after all." Assured in his own future, he makes his way to the door. "I'll be keeping my eye on you, Emiya. Make sure not to cause any problems."
"If Matou ever talks to you, and you hurt her again Shinji, you'll regret it." Being extra disrespectful, I close the door on his faltering footsteps. I turn on my heel to make my way back.
Both Matou and Rin are hiding around the corner as I make my way back. Both seem completely astonished by something as I pause in front of them. I sigh.
"You know it's rude to eavesdrop, right?" My tone of admonishment is light. Their expression is both briefly embarrassed before in surprising similarity they both ignore their rudeness. Rin gives me a concerned look while Matou looks much more mixed.
"Are you okay Shirou?" Rin asked.
I honestly felt great now that, that person is no longer here. Confused, I blink owlishly at Rin.
"I'm fine, why?"
"It's just... you've been acting odd lately."
Thinking about it, I have been feeling fairly negatively lately. "Most of the time, I feel fine. I've never had both Kiritsugu and Justeaze gone at the same time. Maybe I just miss them...?" I'm more questioning myself at the end than anything.
"No, sometimes you are like this when Justeaze leaves. It's never been this bad before..." Rin sounds confused, which I can only share.
"To be fair, I'm quite angry at Matou's relatives." Rin scowls at the mention of them. "Maybe that's it?" But she sounds just as unsure as I was about my theory.
"I guess I should do more meditation than. Apparently that's good for dealing with things like that. I'll ask Ryuudou when I see him next." Rin makes a non-committal sound as she thinks it over.
"You should call me Sakura."
Both of us look in surprise in Matous direction as she blurted it out. Blushing furiously at our looks, she stubbornly digs her heels in. "It's weird if we all use our first names except for Emiya and I."
"Sure." Honestly, I'd prefer not to call her Matou anyway if I had the choice.
Rin has a complicated expression on her face but says nothing against it. After all, Matou gives us both a pure and happy smile. One of the largest she has given ever since moving here instead of the fleeting small smiles she would sometimes give.
"Getting back onto topic." With an awkward transition, Rin gets us back on track. "We will just have to wait until the teacher gets back before we can ask her questions about what is going on. What a pain in the ass." Sakura gives a gasp at Rins rude language, but I just give a snort in amusement.
"Shirou, you can take these books into the workshop for us. We will just have a read through and sort them all."
Giving a groan in annoyance, I give Rin a look. "Why aren't you helping to carry this as well, Rin?"
Rin gives me a devilish smile in response. "You're a man, aren't you? Or can't you handle it?"
Picking up some boxes, I hide my amused smile. "You're basically a man with how strong you are." Muttering just loud enough for her to hear, I start quickly making my way back to the workshop.
"What did you just say, you idiot?!" The sound of Rin chasing me makes me give a short laugh.
End of Chapter 4:
A bit of a slower chapter to introduce some more character relationships, consequences and some hints. Thankfully it was a bit of a lighter tone near the end considering the time currently. For any of you celebrate it, hope you all have a merry christmas. If not, just have a nice day!
Reviews:
Liam -
To be fair I'm not sure if Shirous origin or element was changed to sword by Avalon or the fire, it might have been like that beforehand. Though if you know somewhere that says this I'd be happy to read it! And I'm glad to hear you are enjoying it.