Chapter Two

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Blitzø followed Stolas through the portal and immediately ran into his back.

"Sorry it's cramped." Stolas closed the portal behind them, "I've found that bathroom stalls are an easy way to avoid being noticed when entering buildings."

"That explains the smell." Blitzø remarked as he pressed himself against Stolas to get as far as he could from the toilet.

Stolas hooted a giggle, "It's not going to bite you."

"Do you know how many diseases can be carried in human shit?" Blitzø saw the slightest hint of grim on the ground, and immediately started climbing onto Stolas's shoulders, fleeing like a cat from water.

"Over a hundred, but that is no reason to climb me like high ground in a flood! You're above the stall walls now. So much for being discreet." Stolas shook his head, but was still smiling.

"Oh, right." Blitzø looked over to the stall next to them, "That's a big dick you got there by the way."

"Blitzy! I'm so sorry about tha- oh!" Stolas looked over the edge to find no one was there.

"Ha! Made ya look." Blitzø poked at Stolas's face, "You wanted to see it, didn't you."

Stolas walked out of the stall with his head held high, blushing, "I did not! I was simply apologizing for your rude behavior."

"Yeah, as an excuse to peek." Blitzø grinned, then found himself being lifted off of Stolas's shoulders.

Stolas held him out at arms length and held him there for a second, "You silly, silly man." And then he dropped him.

"Agh! Hey!" Blitzø hit the tile floor on his ass.

"Well, it looks like the coast is clear for now." With a beam of light, Stolas transformed himself into his human form, long overcoat and earmuffs still on, "Be sure to stay close to me, alright? Hopefully everyone will be too busy with all the colorful lights and barrage of advertisements to notice you." Stolas offered Blitzø his hand, but Blitzø only stared, "What is it?"

"Err, yeah. Okay." Blitzø took his hand and as they left the bathroom neither let go.

There were gaggles of people everywhere, most of them in pairs or groups, talking to one another, coming in and out of different stores carrying disposable shopping bags with various logos, in themselves an advertisement. The big building somehow maintained a neutral temperature, although the skylight windows were covered in snow.

Stolas gestured to the many people and places around them,"This is a human mall, where people go to-"

"I know what a fucking mall is, Stolas." Blitzø rolled his eyes, "We have plenty of these in hell. The only difference is that this one lacks the distinct scent of urine. Wait, no" Blitzø sniffed the air, and spotted an indoor amusement ride for children, "There it is."

"R-right. . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was underestimating your intelligence. I guess, I just got a little carried away. That's all." Stolas rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand as they started walking, "It's so rare that you seem interested in the things I show you, not unlike Via these days, s-so when you said, that you e-enjoyed the snow . . . At any rate, we best get you a proper coat from one of these shops."

Blitzø looked up at Stolas, who was scanning the different stores they were passing, noticeably avoiding Blitzø's gaze. He grinned to himself, "Don't get your feathers in a twist, it's alright. Sorry if I . . . uh, came off a bit harsh. . . I wasn't actually that upset. It's just how I talk sometimes, you know?"

Stolas laughed then, "I do know. Ever the drama queen, my dear Blitzy."

"Ha! Like you're one to talk, do you remember when-" Blitzø started but suddenly Stolas was pulling him into a store, "Wha-?"

"Shh!" Stolas pressed a hand over his mouth as they hid behind a rack of clothes. After a moment, he released him, "I'm sorry about that. Some people seemed to take notice of us."

Blitzø groaned, "Ugh, it's fine. The worst thing that humans usually do when they see me is call me their choice of inaccurate racial slur, laugh, and move on."

"They were pulling out their phones, Blitzø! To take photographs!" Stolas countered.

"Oh yeah? And what about the dozens of security cameras we've past on our way here?" Blitzø leaned in with a wry grin.

"I . . . I hadn't thought of that." Stolas said, looking around.

"Pfft, bird brain." Blitzø said, before looking up startled at Stolas, who's eye glowed an intense red, and balls of light appeared around him. He chanted some ancient words, and some of the clothes hovered just above the shelves, and then everything went back to normal, ". . . What the fuck was that?"

"Just a little spell. I've deleted the past hour of video footage and turned off all the cameras in this store. It's lucky we wound up in this one. It should have what we need." Stolas said, gesturing to all the outdoor sporting gear around them, including coats.

"Ha! Nice. Oh, damn it!" Blitzø stomped one of his boots.

"What's wrong?" Stolas drew his eyebrows together.

"If I had known you were going to delete the security footage anyway, I would've stolen from every store we past!" Blitzø folded his arms and pouted.

Stolas giggled, "Come on, let's get you something warm to wear."

A few minutes later, Blitzø had on 3 jackets, 2 coats, 5 scarves, a pair of gloves underneath a pair of mittens, and thermal leggings under his pants. Stolas was trying to figure out how to put the beanie on Blitzø's head without ripping holes in it from his horns and spikes. All the while Blitzø glared at his reflection in the full length mirror, watching himself look less and less like a demon, and more like a marshmallow.

". . . That's it, get this stuff off me!" He shouted as he struggled unsuccessfully to peel back the layers of coat with mittens on his hands.

"No! You need all of these to stay warm!" Stolas said, as he watches Blitzø finally get the first zipper undone.

"Stolas, it is literally as hot as the Satan's ass crack in here." Blitzø bumped into the mirror, which wobbled unsteadily.

"You'll get cold the moment we step outside!" Stolas protested, but began helping Blitzø get undressed, " . . . Wait, how do you know the temperature of attractiveness of Satan's ass?"

"It's a common metaphor, Stolas!" Blitzø tore his gloves off with his teeth.

Stolas pouted and mumbled to himself, "Well, you said it was literal . . ."

"Whew!" Blitzø said once he was finally just in his clothes, save for the thermal leggings which he kept on, "Alright, why don't we settle on something more reasonable for me to wear. Oh, like that!"

Stolas looked to where he was pointing and saw a black jacket with a cream colored fluffy layer on the inside, on a mannequin, "Hmm, I don't know if that'll be warm enough on its own. . ." Stolas cocked his head to the side and inspected it.

"But it's flufffffffyyyyyy!" Blitzø shouted, and clung to the mannequin's leg like a child.

Stolas chuckled, "I suppose it does look well made, and the tag says it's insulating. Alright, we'll get it."

He took the coat off the mannequin, made sure it was the right size and went up to the cash register with it and a couple other things. Blitzø stood and watched as Stolas handed the person at the counter a thick wad of cash, and came back to him.

"Where'd you get all that human money?" Blitzø asked, incredulous.

Stolas leaned down and whispered, "A simple cloaking spell. It's actually just a bunch of empty envelopes. It'll revert back in a few hours."

" . . . You cheeky shit." Blitzø gave a mischievous grin.

Stolas snickered a little.

"No, really," Blitzø gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder, "I'm impressed. Sure, it was the lamest way to steal, but I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Hehe, You didn't think sleeping with you was my first act of rebellion, did you? Anyway, we best be going- Oh look!" Stolas ran over to a stand with holiday themed scarves, each one cringier than the last.

"No, absolutely not." Blitzø walked over, arms crossed.

"Please? You would look absolutely darling!" Stolas picked one up with little snowmen, and wrapped it around his neck, "Yep! I was right. You're adorable."

Blitzø rolled his eyes, but happy at how happy he was, "Alright fine. Go 'pay for it'." He held up air quotes.

Stolas patted his pockets, "Oh, dear. It seems I'm out of envelopes. Oh . . ."

Blitzø looked at his bird in human form, taking the scarf and putting it back sadly.

Blitzø tugged at his arm, grinning "How's about we steal it my way?"

The shopkeeper looked up when they heard a mysterious sound, in time to see a man and a little red kid with black and white horns jumping through a hole in space with a scarf. The little one shouted in a surprisingly mature voice, "Hasta la vista, motherfuckers!" And the swirling portal disappeared.

They stared at the spot, but nothing happened, ". . . That's the last time I come to work high. . . and I mean it this time."

— — —

They both came out of the portal laughing. Blitzø heard a crunch sound and looked to see they were outside once again, his feet cracking some ice. This time, they looked to be just outside of the mall, out on the sidewalk.

Stolas turned to him, and wrapped the silly scarf around him, and spoke with feeling, "Haha! Worth every penny 3"

"Hey!" Blitzø said and laughed, "Alright, what now? I don't see much snow around."

"Aw, that's because they shovel it into piles and use salt on the sidewalks to decrease ice, so there's less chance of injury from people falling." Stolas said.

Blitzø looked at the ground, and picked up a little white pebble, "You mean this stuff?"

Before he could reply, Stolas watched in mild horror as Blitzø licked the little rock, then spat on the ground, "Ew."

" . . . You freak out at even being in the presence of a public toilet, but you'll lick salt off the ground?" Stolas chuckled worriedly.

"Public human toilet." Blitzø shivered and began zipping up his coat, "You were right about it still being called though."

"Aw yes, that's where part two of my plan comes in." Stolas held his hand out, clenched in his fist, then begin whispering some ancient words again and though it was less intense this time some of the salt on the road floated a little off the ground as he performed another spell. Opening his hand he revealed two small little orbs of light, the size of marbles.

Blitzø stared at their gentle glow, confused, "Wow . . . I've always wanted my own pair of glowing balls."

Stolas snickered, "I used to make these for Via all the time when she was little. They're for your pockets. They'll keep you nice and toasty."

Blitzø raised an eyebrow. It was always moments like this, when Stolas was saying cutesy things like 'nice and toasty' that Blitzø remembered how easily this man could kill hundreds, if not thousands, if he ever felt like it.

Blitzø reached out to take one of them, but even through the gloves, it hurt his fingers, "Ow!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, my dear. Are they too hot? They'll cool down with time. Here, allow me." Stolas leaned over and slipped one marble into each of Blitzø's coat pockets. He immediately felt their heat against him, not too hot with the layers of clothes, warming him up.

"Thanks. So, uh, where to now?" Blitzø asked, looking around.

Stolas pointed over to a walled off area, where a bunch of people appeared to be gliding around in a circle over and over again, "There."

"Looks boring." Blitzø said before he could stop himself.

Stolas smiled and simply grabbed his arm, and began guiding him over, "Come on, let's give it a try!"

Turns out, the gliding was called ice skating, and humans had special shoes with knives on the bottom to slide across the ice. Blitzø made a comment to Stolas about how he already had knives hidden in his shoes, but once he saw what the humans were wearing, he understood that this was different and told him the boring circle of people seemed a lot cooler knowing there were knives on their feet that could slit an artery if they weren't careful.

Stolas managed to use telekinesis magic on some skates in the rental area, so they could grab them without paying. Stolas had no trouble putting them on, as he was still in his human disguise, but it took a try or two to figure out what would work for Blitzø. Eventually, they found a pair of skates that worked, tied them really tight, and headed onto the ice. Stolas took a wary first step out, and his feet immediately flew out from under him, and he clung to the wall, barely managing to stay upright.

"Have yooouu done this before?" Blitzø asked, trying not to laugh.

"I have! . . . Though I admit, I only did it once, and it has been some years since then." Stolas managed to stand up, still holding the wall, "Your turn!"

"R-right. Okay. This'll be eas-y!" Blitzø shouted as he immediately started to fall, but was caught by Stolas's arm.

"See? It's not so bad, is it?" Stolas smiled down at him, "Now, grab the wall, and move your legs like a 'v' starting from the middle, going out, one leg at a time." Stolas demonstrated, though he seemed a little wobbly doing so.

"Okay. . ." Blitzø tried, and he made it two strides before starting to fall forward, catching himself on the wall this time.

"Careful!" Stolas fretted, "If you're going to fall, try to fall backward. Landing on your face is never fun."

"Pfft," Blitzø snorted as he tried again, "You sound like you speak from experience."

"Yes, and I don't intend to repeat that experience." Stolas smiled, gaining a bit more confidence in his legs.

"Now that's something I'd like to seeee!" Blitzø started falling forward again, and clung to Stolas's coat.

Stolas giggled, "Falling forward seems to be a habit for you, isn't it."

"Shut up." Blitzø smiled, and held onto his arm while they went in a circle.

They managed to go around twice with Blitzø falling 3 times and Stolas falling once, which also took Blitzø down, but that didn't count for his falls because it wasn't his fault. Why Blitzø had decided it was a competition, when it was obvious he was going to loose, was a mystery.

Blitzø was nearing the end of the second loop, exhausted, "Any chance we can be done soon?"

Stolas looked down at him, "Oh, yes of course. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were tired."

"It's fine." He replied as they got off the ice.

They took off their skates and were walking, when Blitzø spotted a coffee shop.

"Hang on a second." He said to stolas and sprinted inside. When he came out, he was holding two cups of something warm and steaming.

"Here." Blitzø gave Stolas one of them.

"Oh, thank you!" Stolas said, surprised, "How did you get them?"

"Just grabbed them off the counter, before the person who paid for them got there." Blitzø said taking a sip of his, "Mmm, I got a mocha. What'd you get?"

Stolas took a sip, ". . . A chai? I think?"

"Which one do you want? Chai or mocha? Not too late to switch." Blitzø asked as they started walking over to an outdoor fireplace.

"Oh, this is fine. Thank you." Stolas grinned.

Blitzø frowned, and hopping up, stole the chai from him, "What the-"

"If you want the mocha, just say so, dumbass." Blitzø took a sip of the chai and offered him the other one.

" . . . Thank you, dear. Really." Stolas blushed a little.

"Yeah, don't mention it. Consider it paying you back for the snow and ice shit." Blitzø said.

They drank in comfortable silence for a few minutes, warming up by the fire. Then Stolas shivered.

"Uh oh, do you need one of the hot balls?" Blitzø asked.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just used to having feathers to help me keep warm is all. But there are still a lot of people around, so . . . " Stolas smiled sheepishly and trailed off.

Blitzø looked around them, and without warning, pulled out his gun and fired three shots into the air.

Everyone started running and screaming, and Stolas almost fell over in surprise, "What the fu-?!"

"You'll be finished with your drink in about 15 minutes, right?" Blitzø asked, putting his gun back.

"L-l-less than that, why?" Stolas stuttered.

"Cause that's about the time it'll take for the cops to show up." Blitzø grinned and leaned on the fire pits' ledge, horns actively in the fire, but not noticing, " 'til then, you can take whatever form you want."

Stolas stared at him for a moment in shock, let out a little snort, then burst out laughing.

"What? What'd I do?" Blitzø asked confused.

When he got nothing but laughter in response he continued, "Hey, I have more bullets you know and I'm not afraid to put one up your ass."

Stolas began to calm down, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was just such an extreme reaction to such a small problem! I just-" he giggled again.

Blitzø smiled and laughed a little too, "Well, it worked didn't it?"

After their giggle fit was over, Stolas did change back into his usual form, "Thank you Blitzy. You know, you have quite the odd way of caring about people." He smiled.

Blitzø puffed out his chest, "Caring? Who said anything about caring?"

Stolas stepped back a little, "Oh-! I'm sorry. I thought-"

"Well, don't. I just didn't want you to get frost bite and then you stick me with the medical bill." Blitzø turned to look into the fire, drinking more chai.

"Ah, right. Yes. Of course." Stolas said, and looked into the fire as well.

Blitzø risked a glance up to see how sad he looked. Shit, that was more effective than he meant for it to be.

He sighed, "Well, I guess I just mean that you made sure I didn't get cold. When you said you were, I thought I could pay back the favor. I just . . . wanted to be useful." He mumbled the last words, and tried to ignore the fact that Stolas was staring at him.

" . . . Is that so?" Stolas stood a little closer to him now, and when he looked up at him again, he saw that he was back to smiling, though not as much as before.

Blitzø was struggling to think of something else to say, when Stolas spoke again, "Do you . . . ever wonder . . . What life would be like as a human?"

Blitzø looked at him confused, ". . . Why the fuck would I wonder about that?"

"W-well, because you know . . . They are born into this world, without ever knowing for certain what lies at the end of it. And despite all that uncertainty, they manage to . . . make a life for themselves. Find meaning where there may very well be nothing and . . . Be whoever they want to be for what little time they have . . . It may be silly, but I think it's admirable." Stolas watched his hands turn his cup around and around, fidgeting.

Blitzø stared up at him for a few moments, watching the fire light bounce off of his face, ". . . You're right, that is pretty fucking stupid."

Stolas chuckled, "I had a feeling you were going to say that-"

"It is amazing how they manage to do that, but it's not admirable. Having a short, uncertain life isn't something to admire." Blitzø looked back into the fire and continued, "They make the best that they can with the hand they were dealt, that's all; same as the rest of us. Many of them don't even get to be who they are or don't get to make their own choices, but they do their best. If that was all that we had, we'd do the same as them; simple as that." Blitzø took another sip of his drink.

"Hmm . . ." Stolas said as he thought it over, "I suppose you're right. Though, if we were the same as them," Stolas leaned down a little and looked into Blitzø's eyes, "Do you think we would've been friends?"

Blitzø looked up at him nervous. He knew what he wanted to hear of course, but for some reason, he wanted to give him an honest answer. After a moment to think about it he replied, "Yeah, I think we would."

That's when they heard police sirens coming their way.

"Oh, that's our cue!" Blitzø said, throwing his paper cup into the fire (not recommended).

"Did you have an escape plan in mind?" Stolas smiled.

"I . . . didn't think that far ahead." Blitzø smiled and shrugged.

Stolas might have rolled his eyes, it was hard to tell when they were entirely red, "Of course you didn't. Alrighty then!"

With a beam of light, a new portal appeared, and Blitzø saw on the otherside was the hallway in front of his apartment.

"Shall we go home, dear?" Stolas offered Blitzø his hand.

"Yeah," Blitzø smiled, "let's go home."

The end

Author's Note:

If this is my first ever work you are reading, welcome! If you want more Stolas x Blitz content, I have another story called The Pompous and The Prick. It's a lot more angsty, but also very funny, so maybe check it out? I'm on, like, chapter 22 in it so there's plenty to read. And I don't skimp on chapters either. Like 7 pages each most of the time.

You may have noticed that this was a lot longer than I originally planned. It was supposed to be a one-shot, afterall. What you may not know is that it could have been much longer. When Stolas mentions that he used to make the magical orb hand warmers for Via, I was thinking he'd go on a long rant about it. I realized that it was getting long, though, so I decided if I had room I'd go back and add it in. Alas, there was no room.

I also thought about adding a frame around the story. This whole thing was going to be a story Blitz was telling to Loona and M&M at an I.M.P. celebratory dinner.

And lastly, the cover artist nosamiam345 on Tumblr, informed me about how in some places, they have little training equipment for kids learning to ice skate that they sit down on and come in animal shapes. I trained using PVC pipes connected together in the shape of a walker, so I had no idea. Anyway, they suggested I add in a scene with Blitzø scooting along the ice on one shaped like a horse. I tried to add it in, but I couldn't figure out how to make it work without Blitzø and Stolas drawing attention to themselves and the humans around freaking out. But they did draw a sketch of it that's freaking adorable, so obviously I have to share it.

I might add a 3rd chapter to this later with the deleted scenes. It depends on if I have time. So I'm not going to put a specific date on that coming out, but if you're a reader from my P&P series, I'll let you know in the author's notes if I've put it out.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to check out nosamiam345 on Tumblr! Have a very happy holiday, whatever you celebrate! And if it's a not so happy holiday, just know everything is going to be okay, your feelings are valid, and I love you!