Summary: It's Christmas, when the family Is all together, but this year everything is different. Things will never be the same again. Regina needs the comfort of her family more than ever.
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A/N: I sit down to write a Christmas OS and finally THIS is the result. If you'd rather read something fluffy, you'd better stop right here. Have a merry Christmas anyway!
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Disclaimer: ABC - who have been bringing me joy and creativity with this wonderful series, especially during that last difficult year.
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How to let you go
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Regina sat on the chair next to the bed with her legs drawn up. Like so often in the past weeks, while she had to watch how the strength slowly drained from her beautiful, cheerful sister. Zelena covered it up when she was in pain, only her dull look revealed the truth. She could barely sit upright in bed without meds, but she hid it from her daughter, who was sitting next to her. The three of them played Uno, which made Robin squeal with delight again and again. Nevertheless the five years old girl was able to realize that something was very wrong. Regina did best to care for her niece, but she herself was overwhelmed by the situation and her own helplessness. It was the twenty-fourth of December and she actually liked this season, when the family was particularly close. Zelena had also finally managed to find her place. This time, however, she would not be there, at the Charmings' house the following day. Regina wasn't in the mood for Christmas at all and she simply couldn't stand Snow's unwavering optimism.
"Again," Robin enthusiastically asked after she had won another time.
Regina worriedly looked at her sister. She had lost so much weight in a too short amount of time that her cheekbones stood out under her pale skin. Zelena nodded in agreement, so she collected the cards to shuffle them for another round. A knock at the door interrupted her dealing and she raised her head. It was Henry entering the room, who had just arrived the night before to spend his Christmas vacation in Storybrooke. He was followed by Emma and Snow with Neal. Finally Killian and David came in, who brought a couple of the uncomfortable plastic chairs from the hallway with them, so that everyone could sit down. The small room was suddenly crowded.
"We thought we'd celebrate with you tonight, Zelena," Henry stated as he placed his smartphone on her bedside table. It was connected to a portable speaker and began to play Christmas music.
Regina was completely puzzled when Snow presented a large cake tin filled home-baked cookies and Hook fixed a glittering green star above Zelena's bed.
"I've brought punch from Granny. Who wants some?" Emma passed around two thermos flasks, from which a pleasantly spicy scent of cinnamon and cloves emanated.
"The rum is missing, but I was outvoted," Hook commented, rolling his eyes.
Snow swallowed a bite of cookie. "This is still a hospital."
"What absolutely justifies a nip or two, dearie," he returned and pulled his flask from his pocket, causing Emma to wordlessly facepalm.
The punch tasted delicious even without alcohol, Regina noticed. With the cup in her hand, she sat down by Zelena's bed and carefully gave it to her so that she could take a sip. There was a little sparkle in her tired eyes that she hadn't seen for a long time. The conversation stopped for a moment so that the music could be heard, only interrupted by the giggling of the two kids.
I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents by the tree
Emma also sat down at the edge of the bed to offer the two sisters a few cookies on a napkin. "How are you feeling?"
"Quite okay," Zelena replied quietly. "It's lovely of you to pay a visit."
"Henry said that if you can be with us tomorrow, we'll bring a bit of Christmas to you. I hope we haven't overwhelmed you with that."
She shook her head almost imperceptibly. Even though she tried to cover it up, Regina could see how exhausted she was. The effect of the painkiller seemed to be wearing off.
"Next year we'll celebrate together again, everyone of us" said Snow, who had just pulled her chair closer.
Regina swallowed the bitter reply that was on the tip of her tongue. This exaggerated optimism was nothing more than self-deception. "Can Robin stay with you tonight?"
"Sure, Neal will like that." She put her hand on her arm to encourage her. "You'll come over tomorrow, won't you?"
She shrugged her shoulders. She really wasn't in a mood for celebrating. Part of her longed for hope and still wanted to believe in miracles that even magic couldn't perform. Zelena's own body was failing her and no magic existed to fix this.
As if on cue, everyone turned to the door as it opened and the nurse on duty peered in with her brows raised. "Five more minutes. Visiting time is already over."
While Emma and Snow stowed away the things they had brought with them, Robin climbed onto the bed to hug her mother. "I want to stay with Mommy."
"She's very tired, honey, you know she's sick," Regina gently explained. "Say goodnight to her before you go with Snow and David. You and Neal can wait for Santa Claus then."
The girl's eyes immediately began to light up. "When I see him, I'll ask him to make you well again, Mommy."
Zelena stroked her daughter's hair tenderly and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, sweetie, you always have to remember this."
The last few words were so soft that they were barely audible. Together with Snow and Neal, Robin was about to leave, waving goodbye to her mother again before she rushed out of the door. David and Killian had brought the chairs back outside in the meantime, just Henry and Emma stayed in the room.
"Mom, you look tired. You've lost weight," the young man worriedly said. "When was the last time you slept properly?"
She didn't know. Before her last breakdown about a week ago, Zelena had been at home and she cared for her sister. Zelena had learned get by herself from her early childhood on, which made it all the more difficult for her to need help. The fact that she barely had the strength to protest and to annoy Regina made it clear how bad she really was. She gave her one of the pills from the small box on the bedside table and a glass of water. Zelena choked and coughed before leaning back into her pillow.
"Are you coming home with me?"
Regina shook her head. "I'm staying for a while. I'll see you at your grandparents' at lunchtime."
"You shouldn't forget about yourself, you know," Emma remarked, worrying just as much as her son.
"I won't." She looked at her sister, who had become drowsy from the painkiller. Her head sank to the side. "Zelena needs to rest."
They both understood this request and Henry gave his mother a quick hug before Emma gently but firmly pushed him towards the door. For a moment, the voices of the other family members could be heard in the corridor, then silence finally fell. Once again, she crouched down in the chair next to the bed.
"Regina..." she heard her sister's faint voice.
She leaned over to stroke her thick curls. "Hush, don't talk, dear. I'm with you."
A few minutes later, the nurse came back to make sure that all the visitors had left and that the ward was quiet. She silently tolerated Regina's presence. The first time Zelena had to stay in the hospital for a few days, a resolute young nurse had tried to throw her out of the room and quickly regretted it facing a fireball. Regina was sorry to have frightened her, but afterwards it had probably spread among the staff that it was better not to mess with her. While Zelena had borne her fate with remarkable composure, Regina's initial shock had given way to repression and finally anger. She believed it was so unfair that of all people it had to be her sister.
Exhaustion finally overcame Regina and she woke up again when it was light outside the window. Her back ached terribly because her upper body had slumped forward onto the edge of the bed in an uncomfortable position. Rubbing her neck, she realized that outside it was snowing in thick flakes. She looked at Zelena, who still seemed to be fast asleep. Her white face was completely calm and relaxed. Then she noticed the strange bluish color of her lips.
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Regina walked through the snow-covered streets, the park and finally the woods that surrounded Storybrooke. The falling snow quickly covered her tracks. She had buried her hands deep in the pockets of her coat, but the tip of her nose and her ears were now numb from the cold air. She didn't want to see a soul or hear a word. From time to time she glanced at her cell phone to check how late it was. She ignored the missed calls and messages, almost all from Henry, because she simply didn't have the energy to respond. Now that it was midday, she left the silence of the forest behind her. It felt as if she was carried like a puppet on invisible strings when she climbed the stairs to Snow's and David's apartment. The door was decorated with a pretty Christmas arrangement. Everything in her screamed to turn around and run back into the snowstorm, but she didn't. Instead, she knocked.
"There you are at last," David said, opening the door for her. "Henry and Emma have tried to call or text you probably a hundred times."
She didn't answer him, just hung her coat on the coat rack and walked past him without saying a word. In the living room there was an huge, colorfully decorated Christmas tree, in front of which Henry and Killian were sitting with the two kids, who were playing with a brand new Playmobil fairytale castle. Regina suddenly had a lump in her throat when her eyes fell on Robin's reddish-blonde hair tied into two pigtails. She had to tell her, but the words were like stones in her heart. Mechanically, she turned away and dropped onto the sofa, from where she could see the dancing snowflakes through the large window covered by thin curtains. Then she heard the song playing on the radio.
Christmas eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Something inside her broke into pieces. Her whole body was trembling; she buried her face into one of the soft sofa cushions to muffle her uncontrolled sobs. She felt someone gently take her in their arms. No one spoke to her, but she inhaled the aroma of Emma's favorite perfume. She cried until all her tears were gone and her lungs, already strained by the cold air, ached. When she finally managed to pull herself off the damp cushion and sit up, she saw Emma's serious face. She still didn't ask her any questions, she just comfortingly stroked her back.
"She died," Regina said in a fragile voice. "During the night."
Speaking it out loud, listening to her own words made it real in a way that was almost too much to bear for her. Ever since she had brought Zelena for the first time to the hospital weeks ago, she had known it would end like this, but now that the day had come, she couldn't believe it. Perhaps Zelena could have lived a few weeks longer if she hadn't utterly refused medical treatment. Regina understood that she had made this decision to spare her daughter from watching her die slowly. The thought of Robin made her look around. Henry was sitting with her on the sofa too, Snow next to him on the armchair.
"David and Killian took the kids to Neal's room. Robin didn't notice anything," her stepdaughter answered the unasked question.
As Regina blankly stared at the faces that silently watched her, she realized that Christmas would never be the same again. Not for any of them. Least of all for the little girl in the other room, whose world was falling apart.
"I have to tell her." With the back of her hand she wiped the wet marks from her cheeks. "I don't know how. Damn, it's so unfair that she only had five years with her mother."
Emma squeezed her hand gently. "Your niece needs you now; the both of you need each other. Go to her."
She hesitantly nodded and got up from the sofa. Before she could take a single step, however, Henry pulled her into his strong arms. "Zelena's fine, she isn't suffering anymore. Your dad will take good care of her until you two will finally be reunited."
Once again she felt the tears coming, but this time she swallowed them as she leaned against her son's chest for a moment. She gathered her strength before finally walking to the closed door where four colorful letters formed Neal's name. Inside, she found the two men and the kids engrossed in a game of Uno. As David pushed his son out in front of him and Killian followed, she could see Emma fall into her husband's arms. She crouched down on the floor in front of Robin, who looked at her with light blue eyes that were so similar to her mother's.
"I have to tell you something, honey." She lovingly took the girl in her arms. "Your Mommy went to a better place now."
Robin's eyes filled with tears. "Santa didn't grant my wish. I wanted him to make Mommy well."
She swallowed hard, but then a realization dawned on her. "Of course he did, just not in the way you expected it. He came to her last night. She could see his kind face before she fell asleep." Carefully, she placed Robin's small hand on her chest. "Deep down, you feel that your Mommy is finally better. She isn't in pain anymore."
Sobbing, Robin clung to her, whereupon she lifted her slight body and stepped with her in front of the window decorated with winter stickers. The snow flurries had become even thicker. For a while, they both gazed out into this silent white world.
"I don't want her to be gone," her niece sorrowfully whispered. "Do you think she was allowed to fly with him in his sleigh?"
Regina struggled to smile, her heart was so heavy. "Surely she did, and I bet she even took the reins of the reindeers out of his hands just to do an extra loop over Storybrooke."
When she finally came back out of the room with Robin, she could read the same emotions as her own in the faces of the other family members. They reverently sat together, no words were needed.
Later that evening, Regina found her son and niece in the living room in front of the Christmas tree, engrossed in the storybook that told all their stories. The page they had turned to showed Zelena back in Oz, when the Wicked Witch was feared.
"Why was she like that?" Robin asked, distraught.
Regina crouched down between the two of them, whereupon the little girl snuggled up to her. "Your Mommy didn't have a good life when she was young. That made her very angry. But then something happened."
"What was it?" Reverently, her niece touched the picture captured on paper.
"She gave birth to you." A melancholy smile flitted across Regina's face. "It's time for bed now. Go brush your teeth."
Robin's eyes grew so wide that the light from the electric candles reflected in them. "Can I stay with you tonight?"
She slightly nodded. While the girl ran out of the room, she stayed for a moment with Henry, who put his arm around her shoulder. She lovingly hugged her son. The little boy had grown into a man, but his heart had not changed. It was still full of hope and the belief that good would always succeed.
Robin snuggled up close to her under the comfortable blanked. A candle they had lit for Zelena burned slowly on the windowsill. According to an old custom of the Enchanted Forest, it was supposed to help her find her way. In a sudden breath of air, the flame flickered brightly for the blink of an eye, then Regina heard something. The melody of a nursery rhyme, as soft and distant as the echo of a dream. She sat up, whereupon her niece rubbed her eyes. It was Zelena's voice, saying goodbye to them.
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Song: I'll be home for Christmas (Bing Crosby)