Aziraphale looked at the cupboard and sighed. He opened the door, and in amongst the spare sheets and towels sat a large red and black snake. Big yellow eyes looked at him, the tongue flicked the air.
"Here again?" Aziraphale queeried. The yellow eyes withdrew into the shadows.
"You're getting scales on the sheets." Aziraphale tried, knowing it wouldn't work. He could see the coils of the snake's body tightening.
"Really?!" Aziraphale snapped, starting to lose patience. Since the incident with the second coming, Crowley had taken to hiding in cupboards. Understandable as there were incidents in their lives they had both regarded as shameful and which had been forcibly dragged into the light. Aziraphale had felt a sense of relief from no longer having to hide, Crowley on the other hand was intensely private and hadn't appreciated the more guilty parts of his life being exposed. He didn't seem to accept that Aziraphale really didn't care what he'd done in the past, it wasn't who he was now. Aziraphale sat on the floor and looked into the cupboard.
"If you hadn't done those things, then you wouldn't be who you are now. I know you are a very kind person." Even as the words left his mouth, he knew that wouldn't help. He had an instinct that something else was bothering Crowley. Aziraphale scratched his head. There was Satan of course.
"I don't mind that you came up with the idea to tempt Eve. I should have been more watchful around the apple tree." Aziraphale tried but this also gained no reaction.
"I assume you're not silly enough to think that I'm jealous." Aziraphale said then looked into the cupboard. Two yellow eyes appeared. Oh dear, Aziraphale thought.
"Oh where do I start?" Aziraphale sighed. "I've always been envious of you. A group of sex mad angels ruined it for the rest of us, so we cleaned up after the giants and Metatron decreed no physical pleasure. No food, no drink, no…well you know. Such pleasures weren't denied to demons." Aziraphale looked into the distance thoughtfully.
"I'm not surprised you sought comfort from…" An angry hiss interrupted Aziraphale. Crowley had poked his head out of the cupboard and was looking at him.
"Pleasure then?" Aziraphale queried, there seemed to be no objection to this. "from another demon. I'm surprised that it was Satan!" There was another hiss. Aziraphale glanced at Crowley and sighed.
Maybe not too surprised, Aziraphale thought. Satan's appearance in the bookshop had been a tall slim man with dark hair and bright blue eyes. Whilst terrifying, Aziraphale had thought he was quite arresting.
"I've gone six thousand years without having a type, you know. Other than you obviously." Aziraphale said. The snake's tongue flicked the air.
"Oh come on! You cannot hide in there forever!" He pleaded. The snake withdrew back into the cupboard.
"If you don't come out, I will be forced to take action." He threatened. The idea of turning into a mongoose had occurred to him. He dismissed it, thinking it was not big enough to deal with a large red and black python. A wolverine was a definite possibility, but then a third idea had occurred to him. It had crept guiltily into his mind, planted itself and firmly taken root. He'd tried ignoring it, but every time Crowley went into hiding, the idea grinned evilly at him from the shadows. He looked into the cupboard.
"I've done some research, you know." A tongue flicked the air, yellow eyes looked at him from the darkness.
"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." Aziraphale transformed and a white and yellow python with blue eyes slithered into the cupboard.
Crowley, now in human form, burst from the cupboard. His entire body tingled and his muscles ached in a very pleasant way. He took off his sunglasses. His eyes were wide, matching the look of surprise on his face. There was a word that was threatening to erupt from his mouth. He tried to hide it, lock it in a safe and bury it in the dark corners of his mind but it contrived to escape his lips in a whisper.
"Wow!"
Aziraphale was behind him, adjusting his bow tie and waistcoat. He had slithered in, coiled beside him and had remained perfectly still. It hadn't been until Crowley made deliberate moves to wrap himself around Aziraphale, that the angel reacted. The cupboard door had remained open, which Crowley realised had been a deliberate move on the Angel's part. Perfectly ironic as it was a question of consent that had been bothering him. The Angel had been falling over himself to apologise for his words towards Crowley, saying he could never forgive himself for denying their friendship so many times. In truth Crowley had readily forgiven him, what he'd wanted was an acknowledgement that heaven had made him think that way. Trying to break that kind of programming was as hard as a camel passing through the eye of a needle. Not impossible, but you did need an industrial blender and a lot of patience. Crowley had been worried that in Aziraphale's guilt-ridden state he would agree to anything to keep Crowley happy, as he perceived it.
Aziraphale didn't seem to realise Crowley had been looking for movement, not complete change. That he'd come this far was remarkable, Crowley thought. He looked at Aziraphale who was adjusting his waistcoat as he emerged from the cupboard.
"You have a type?" Crowley frowned.
"It's as much of a surprise to me as it is to you." Aziraphale replied.
"But that doesn't…oh wait!" Crowley laughed. "Well he is physically attractive. Those eyes!"
"Striking." Aziraphale agreed.
"I'll worry when you start being attracted to sadistic psychopaths, OK?" Crowley told Aziraphale chuckled.
"Um…about that." Crowley said, glancing at the cupboard. "Research? I know I'm going to regret asking." He stammered.
"Hmm? Attenborough." Aziraphale said.
"Yup, knew I'd regret it. Thank you."