OK, so this is set between Chapters 2 and 3 of Avenge Us. It's set in 2017, and details the story of how I met Dr. Strange. I'll try to update my WIPs after this, that I promise.
The appearance of Double Dan in this fic is, in a way, anachronistic (since Ralph Breaks The Internet was released a year and a month after the events of this fic), but since the internet has been around for quite a few decades now, I think that can be excused.
"Ten million credits for the relic." said Double Dan. "Not a plan...but the relic itself."
"Why the big price?" Hans Westergaard asked.
"My clients have requested it. I honor my clients' requests." Dan explained.
"Sounds like your clients...want to build a missile that can't be detected by radar." Hans mused.
"I don't ask questions, Mr. Westergaard. But whoever possesses this relic could dominate the entire site." said Dan.
The Hoopty was anchored at Oh My Disney for holiday season, and fourteen-year-old Leyenar Oh was feeling utterly dejected. "Aw, Len, cheer up." Phineas Flynn said. "I know you're sad because you'll never have another Christmas with the Avengers again, but I promise, me and Ferb and Candace and the gang's preparing a spectacular Christmas Eve dinner for you, you'll love it! So let's turn that frown upside down, 'kay?"
"Yeah, right." Leyenar replied flatly, eyes still glued to her cell phone as Phineas bounded away, a spring in his step.
"Director, we got company!" Carol Danvers called out to her from a few feet away, carrying some gingerbread cookies and a cone of chocolate ice cream. Following closely behind her were James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski, beaming brightly. Leyenar gave them a quick look, and went back to staring into her cell phone.
"Um, Director, I've just wanted to say...thank you for helping us with our energy crisis. First, Princess Shuri hooked you up to that specially made device and then you read a Captain Underpants book and broke into a laughing fit right there in the middle of Monstropolis, and...Mike?" Sulley said.
"Yeah, it was awesome!" Mike exclaimed. "Promise to come again some other day?"
"That I can do. I still have that device Shuri made for me that day, so..." Leyenar said, then got up and took the ice cream cone and the small package of cookies from Carol. "Thanks, Mimi, I love it."
Carol giggled. "No, thank YOU. Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I've gotta go get some candy canes for Daisy." she said, then walked off.
About two minutes later, Mike and Sulley left as well, mumbling something about a holiday meeting with the staff.
And just like that, Leyenar was left alone again. She just sat at her table, staring blankly into her screen as she ate her ice cream, not noticing a man in a red cape take the empty seat in front of her.
"May I ask what made you so grumpy?" asked the man.
"Oh, I..." Leyenar began, then looked up from her cell phone and recognized whose face she was looking into, then immediately jumped into fangirl mode. "Waitasecond, I know you. You're Dr. Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, amirite? I watched your movie a while back when I was in Leyenarville, the way you defeated Dormammu was awesome. Although it beats me why the good doctor would want to associate with a depressed teenager..."
"Anyone would want to associate with the director handpicked by the One Above All, and I'm no exception." Strange said. "By the way, you still haven't answered my question. What's wrong?"
"It's just...Cap and Irah are both so stupid, they could have just sat there and listened to me and talked it out but they just had to complicate things for everyone. And now I won't have another Christmas with my heroes again. Of course, last Christmas was at least a bit better 'cuz I had a buncha naughty friends to celebrate with, but it wasn't the same." Leyenar complained, then spat out "Bah Humbug!"
"Oh." said Strange, knowing who she meant by "naughty friends". Leyenar had led a lot of antagonists in the Liberation War with a single-minded determination, that the incident that broke her heart in 2016 didn't even cross her mind. Perhaps he could take her along for a little mission he had been assigned to by Yen Sid, Oh My Disney's resident head of magic, in the hopes it would have the same effect on her as the war did. Compassion wasn't the old Stephen Strange's strong suit, but he was a changed man now, so he brought the topic to the surface. "I have something that might interest you, so will you be kind enough to hear me out?"
"Sure, go ahead." Leyenar said.
"Yen Sid assigned me to a very special mission, to prevent some undesirables from getting their hands on a $10-million missile-cloaking relic that could potentially unleash a donnybrook upon this entire site. I'm hoping to get the job done before this day ends, and I could really use an extra pair of hands, if you would mind." Strange explained.
"Hmmmmm..." Leyenar hummed. "As much as I'd love to help you out, all I can do right now is just sit around and watch, 'cause I don't have any weapons right now. The ones I used in 2014, I had to give back to the 4D High Council."
"What about your—" Strange began.
"I'm done with her." Leyenar cut him off. "Anyhoo, from what I've seen, I think you could very damn well handle this alone."
"So could Captain Danvers, on everything she did out here in the Four-Dimensional World. But that didn't stop you from being her Mission Control, right?" Strange asked.
"Yeah, whatever you say, Steph. Since you look like you really, reeeally wanna save Christmas, I think I'll hit up some dear friends of mine." said Leyenar, then added with a smirk, "Doc, do me a favor and open me a portal to the Second Backyard, will ya?"
And that was how Stephen Strange found himself standing in the Oh My Disney HQ of Phineas, Ferb and their friends. "So what I'm asking is, I need some special equipment ASAP. Please? I'll have fun at that ol' shindig y'all prepared for me tonight if you help me." Leyenar was saying, and Ferb gave her a thumbs-up in place of a yes.
"Of course, Len, after all, you're on a mission to save Christmas!" Phineas exclaimed, then he and Ferb sprang into action. In no time at all, they made Leyenar a tracker specifically designed to track down missile-cloaking relics, and a perfectly functional, and a bit more practical, replica of Megamind's De-Gun.
"Sweet!" said Leyenar, then turned to Strange. "BT-dubs, Doc, who you going after?"
"Remember the relic I told you about earlier? Prince Hans from the Frozen universe purchased it from Double Dan of the Dark Net for ten million credits. Neither I nor Yen Sid have any idea of what his motive might be, but all I'm asking is, just don't have that gun set on Destroy in case you ever get the urge to shoot him." Strange told her.
"Bring him in alive, I get what you mean." said Leyenar, then looked at the tracker. It was emitting a beam of light, pointing directly somewhere. "Let's get going, shall we?"
Send Me On My Way-Rusted Root
(On my way, on my way, on my way, on my way)
I would like to reach out my hand,
I may see you, I may tell you to run, (on my way, on my way)
You know what they say about the young,
Well, pick me up with golden hand,
I may see you, I may tell you to run, (on my way, on my way)
You know what they say about the young,
"No, seriously, Leyenar, it beats me why the One Above All handpicked someone like you to direct MCU movies." Strange said. "A centuries-old alien and a seventeen-year-old boy...damn it. And to think you were eleven when you thought up all that shit..."
Leyenar shrugged, then said "Oh, trust me, I had a quite unhealthy obsession with all my female teachers when I was even younger. Back then, I was still in school, and less in control of myself."
"And that is to say nothing of your Blue/Owen era, I've been hearing that it was a nightmare. A human being and a dinosaur? Seriously?" said Strange, rolling his eyes.
"But it gave off so much StarAccuser vibes, I couldn't resist!" Leyenar snapped back.
The doctor simply sighed, face-palming. Thank the heavens MARVEL Studios got their hands on her before anyplace else could. He could only hope that the girl would never be set to direct one of his movies. (Well, contrary to what he had hoped, she would indeed eventually insert herself into a Doctor Strange movie somewhere down the lane, but thankfully, she'd be all grown up by then and crazier than ever, and her craziness would turn out to be beneficial to him in the long run. But before that can happen, she would become completely smitten with another Benedict Cumberbatch character who stirred up a buncha controversies by simply existing, but she'd still bend over backwards to defend that character. But all that's a story for another day.)
Well, I would like to hold my little hand,
And we will run, we will, we will crawl, we will,
I would like to hold my little hand,
And we will run, we will, we will crawl,
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Send me on my way, (on my way)
Mm, hmm. (on my way)
Leyenar set her tracker device aside and sat down on a firework turret to rest.
"Three, two, one..." Strange counted.
POP! FIZZ! CRACKLE!
A plethora of digital, but no less harmful, fireworks shot out from the turret, launching poor Leyenar high up into the air. Thankfully, they never made a single scratch on her, nor did the ensuing fall harm her. Such was the benefit of being a real person in the internet world, but she still felt a little pain.
"Owww..." Leyenar muttered as she sat up.
Strange smiled a little. Sure is faithful.
I would like to reach out my hand,
I may see you, I may tell you to run, (on my way, on my way)
You know what they say about the young,
Now pick me up with golden hand,
I may see you, I may tell you to run, (on my way, on my way)
You know what they say about the young,
"You watched any DreamWorks movies?" Leyenar asked.
"None, except Operation Shendak. Sorry, but my tastes are more refined than those of the average person." Strange replied. Leyenar's only non-MARVEL movie was pretty well-known in 4D—in fact, it was the lessons she force-fed Emperor Zarkon that kickstarted the Liberation War.
"You should try Megamind and the Kung Fu Panda movies." said Leyenar, trying hard to contain her excitement that a man of very refined tastes watched exactly one (1) DreamWorks movie, and that was the one directed by her.
"Only if you promise to watch Carol, 2015." the doctor said, in a monotone. The young director had to bite back a giggle—she never took Stephen Strange as a man to actually go out and watch a movie about same-sex romance, even though she knew he wasn't a bigot.
"That I will do. OK, I'm asking one last question, do you hate Twilight?" asked the director. Both the books and the movies had a reputation of being horrible, and she had always wanted to bring the Avengers along just to dick with the cast. Oh, if only the Accords hadn't happened.
"Absolutely." Strange replied, and Leyenar squee-d.
Well, I would like to hold my little hand,
And we will run, we will, we will crawl, we will,
I would like to hold my little hand,
And we will run, we will, we will crawl,
Send me on my way,
Send me on my way,
Send me on my way,
On my way,
Send me on my way,
Send me on my way,
Oh, oh, oh, (way)
Send me on my way,
Oh, oh, oh, (way)
Send me on my way,
I would like to reach out my hand,
I may see you, I may tell you to run, (on my way, on my way)
You know what they say about the young...
"Cookies?" Leyenar asked as she held out the small package of gingerbread cookies she had been carrying in her pocket.
In that moment, Strange had to remind himself, no matter how depraved she might be, the person in front of him was still just a kid. Maybe when she grew up, she'll gain awareness of what she'd been up to. Sure, she called him nicknames—"Doc" and occasionally "Steph", but it was certainly bearable, compared to the more atrocious ones such as "Irah" or "Hawkward".
After a quite long trek, Strange and Leyenar finally arrived in the villains section of Oh My Disney. Soon enough, they were surrounded by a wall of anthropomorphic playing cards. Leyenar smirked, and shot one of them, her De-Gun set on Destroy, and the card was disintegrated in the blink of an eye. "So, y'all give up?" asked Leyenar. "Or does everyone else wanna get destroyed too?"
The remaining cards just fled, screaming.
"Great work." Strange commented.
"Yeah, I hope that was enough to show them that we mean business." Leyenar said. The duo continued through the ominously lit streets, and ran into a few stormtroopers, who did not attack Leyenar but instead saluted her and went on their way. The director felt a bit nauseous at the gesture, but she forced the feeling down, and continued on her way.
As the duo ventured deeper and deeper into the red-and-black cityscape of the villains section, Leyenar felt more and more uneasy. "Director?" Strange asked. "What's wrong?"
"Doc, let's get this done as soon as possible and get the hell out of here." said Leyenar. "Oh, look—we're almost there!"
True to form, the tracker had led them directly to Hans's hideout. Once again, Leyenar aimed her gun at the door, and shot, blasting it to smithereens. "Remember what I said." Strange told her.
"I never forgot." replied Leyenar, and switched her gun's setting to Dehydrate.
Slowly, they walked around, looking for any sudden threats. Well, Leyenar was pointing her gun everywhere, making sound effects with her mouth. "Will you cut it out?" Strange said, and Leyenar immediately stood at attention. What went unnoticed by both of them was the hundreds of thousands of tiny robots creeping around them, catching them off guard, ensnaring them swiftly.
And Leyenar'd know those tiny robots anywhere.
"Microbots?" she murmured. "But how..."
"Turns out you're not the only one around who has an auto-scan replication device." said a familiar voice. "Your good friend Dr. Doofenshmirtz made me one, but it was shoddy and all I could make was a batch of microbots and a neuro-cranial transmitter before it broke down. That damned pharmacist, will he ever learn to make anything that isn't an inator? Anyways, Doctor Stephen Strange, was it? Welcome to my humble abode. Oh, and Darth Leyenar...you are cordially invited to my wedding."
"Whaddaya mean by wedding?!" Leyenar exclaimed. "Just let us go!"
"What do you plan to do with that relic?" Strange inquired, not even trying to mask the venom in his voice.
"Oh, I promised to deliver it to Double Dan's client, in exchange for an army that will give me the second chance I so richly deserve. When it's all over, Arendelle will be mine, as will Princess Anna." Hans sneered.
"You're gonna pay for this." Leyenar growled, straining to break free.
"What are you going to do, Director? Try and pull rank on me? Need I remind you that your authority does not extend beyond the borders of the MARVEL multiverse? You think yourself so high and mighty, but in the end, you are a mere commoner. You are nothing, and you'll always be nothing. You couldn't even keep your team from falling apart! Perhaps when I am king of Arendelle, I should take you as my royal mistress, and maybe then you'll not be completely worthless." said the wicked prince.
"She's fourteen, you sick bastard!" Strange yelled, horrified.
Hans ignored him, and continued on. "Your realness will not protect you when I take you in front of your dear avenging friends and your villain siblings-in-arms. Then they will see not the shining beacon they thought you to be, but your true face—a gutter whore."
"Don't listen to him, Leyenar, he's—" Strange said, but then a clump of microbots covered his mouth, silencing him.
"The magnificent Darth Leyenar, brought to her knees—" Hans continued, only to be cut short by a blinding explosion.
Ah, fuck, Strange thought as he looked upwards, free once more. He only saw Hans, suspended in the air, struggling to breathe, Leyenar strangling him with the Force. "Say that again." she growled. "I'm gonna kill you."
"Leyenar?! Leyenar!" Strange cried. "Snap out of it!"
The director ignored him, and slowly began twisting her wrist. Hans felt his bones splinter with sickening cracks, as the ex-Sith Lord tightened her Force-grip, bending and twisting his limbs in impossible angles. Uh-oh, Strange thought, she's really gonna kill him. He had to act—fast.
Leyenar was just about to deliver the final blow when an orange whip wrapped itself around her wrist, and yanked her arm—and her whole self—back. She yelped as she was pulled back, and landed in a pair of arms. She looked up to see her companion, a concerned look on his face. "Why?" she could only ask.
"Remember what I said, we have to bring him back alive. Yen Sid and the Oh My Disney Ministry Of Magic will dispose of him, he'll be brought to justice. So please, don't fall into the dark. You said that Darth Leyenar died when the Liberation War ended and you wanna keep her dead, but if you kill him, you'll be bringing her back to life. Be a hero, not Darth Leyenar. You're better than he thinks you are." said the Sorcerer Supreme, then handed her the De-Gun that had been lying about, which was still set on Dehydrate.
Leyenar nodded. "OK." Her fingers curled around the gun handle.
Even on the verge of death, Hans's smirk remained plastered on his face. "Heh..." he sneered. "You won't last for long, when I'm fucking the hell out of you..."
"Oh, do shut up." Strange said, and tied him up in the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak, before wrapping his hands around Leyenar's small hand that held the De-Gun, guiding it towards the defeated criminal. Leyenar swallowed, then pulled the trigger.
"This is Hans Westergaard?" asked Yen Sid as he stared at the small glowing red cube in his hand.
"Just add water, and you'll know for sure." said Strange. Hovering next to him was the retrieved relic, safely encased in a mystic cube, connected to his wrist by a chain of solid light. "Oh, and I know you won't believe me because this is the internet and everyone will take everything they hear with a grain of salt, but he threatened to turn the director into his sex slave."
The archmage turned his eyes to the shivering Leyenar—the Cloak Of Levitation had wrapped itself tightly around her, as if to protect her. "I believe you." he said.
"I believe you are familiar with the phrase "let the punishment fit the crime"." said the doctor.
"I am, but I also know a better phrase. "An eye for a tooth, a nose for a chin, a butt for a—" Well, you know what? It's not a very good phrase, but it fits in a situation such as this." said Yen Sid, then addressed the Ministry Of Magic. "May I hear your opinions?"
Grand Pabbie, Mama Odie, Princess Elena of Avalor, the Genie, the Fairy Godmother and many others looked between the archmage and the audience of two, back and forth, back and forth, then deliberated for another half hour, before the Fairy Godmother opened her mouth and spoke:"I believe a nice warm bath for the director must be drawn first." She then waved her magic wand, chanting "Bibbidi-bobbidi, bibbidi-bobbidi, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" and in an instant, a pair of curtains appeared. They were soon drawn on their own, revealing an opulent bathroom, with a tub full of sweet-smelling water.
"Go on, young miss, no one will hurt you." said Mama Odie, and quickly closed her eyes tightly, the others soon following suit. When everyone opened their eyes again, the curtains had fallen back in, and all of Leyenar's clothes were lying in front of them in a crumpled heap.
"So, let's continue, shall we?" Yen Sid said, and the Ministry Of Magic continued deliberating. Eventually, a verdict was reached—Hans would be sent to a "special place" in the Dark Net, where repressed mlms were free to "express" themselves in various ways.
LATER...
"Man, what a day." said Leyenar as she sat at the table where everything had began, now in a set of new clothes that the Fairy Godmother had given her, absent-mindedly peering into her cell phone and picking at the warm slice of good ol' pumpkin pie that Strange had gotten her, breaking a bit off with her fork. She was about to pop the bit into her mouth when she heard her name being called.
"Leyenar, dammit, I flew all around Oh My Disney looking for you!" Carol Danvers said as she turned up, a dark-haired woman at her side. "What the hell were you up to?!"
"I went on a mission with Steph right here." said Leyenar, her voice not as cheerful as it was during the trek to the villains section, gesturing at the man in the red cape sitting opposite her.
"It's an honor to meet you, Captain Danvers. My name's Doctor Stephen Strange." said Strange as he stood up from his seat and extended a hand to Carol, who shook it. "And who might this other person be?" he asked, indicating the dark-haired woman next to her.
"Daisy Johnson." said the other woman. "I'm Carol's girlfriend."
"Pie?" asked Leyenar as she held up her plate to Daisy, who picked the slice of pie up and took a big bite out of it.
"Mmm, delicious!" she exclaimed, with her mouth full. Leyenar chuckled a bit.
"OK, when you're done with that pie, let's get going to the Second Backyard. Can't keep Phineas waiting, eh?" asked Carol.
"Yeah." said Leyenar. "But on one condition; Doc comes with us."
Strange deliberated in his head for a moment, then said "Yes." He never had the chance to attend a proper Christmas party since the accident that changed his life forever.
And that was how Stephen Strange found himself walking into the Second Backyard again, just in time for the party to begin.
"Hello, everyone!" Phineas exclaimed. "We're so glad to welcome you to our Christmas Eve dinner! Would you like a show?"
"Dinner with a show..." Strange muttered. "Doesn't sound bad."
"Aw, c'mon, Steph." said Leyenar. "It's one of the best things in the world!"
BACKYARD GANG:
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a happy new year!
PHINEAS:
We wish you the best day ever,
And hope all your Christmas endeavors,
Are super-fun, amazing, and clever,
And that your New Year's rocks too!
ISABELLA:
Oh, come tell me what'cha doin',
All my relatives just flew in,
From Mexico and Jerusalem,
For the holidays!
Both Christmas trees and menorahs,
It can be confusing for us,
When we break into a chorus,
Of "olé", (¡Olé!) and "oy vey"! (Oy vey!)
MAJOR MONOGRAM:
Good missions I'll give,
To Agents A through Z,
Carl, get away from that punch bowl,
I'm saving that for me!
"Sorry, sir." said Carl The Intern.
BACKYARD GANG:
We wish you a Perry Christmas,
We wish you a Perry Christmas,
We wish you a Perry Christmas,
And a (Perry chatters) new year!
BALJEET:
I wish for a calculator-
Slash-Hindi-English translator,
To find a common denominator,
In both of my tongues!
BUFORD:
Good wedgies I'll give,
To all of you nerds,
That's how I say "Merry Christmas",
I ain't good with words!
DOOFENSHMIRTZ:
I wish you would let me rule you,
In evil, I'm going to school you,
I won't sugarcoat or fool you,
Your New Year's looks grim!
I warn you, my new inator,
Will force you to serve me later,
So why not just choose to cater,
To my every whim?
ALL:
We wish your every endeavor,
Makes this the best Christmas ever,
And we're all so glad that we will never,
Mention figgy pudding...
"Oh, great. Well, now we've mentioned it." said Doofenshmirtz.
"You know, no one would have noticed if you'd have just kept your mouth shut." said Major Monogram.
ALL:
Ah-ah!
"By the way, Heinz, did you really make Hans an auto-scan replication device?" asked Leyenar.
"What? No!" exclaimed the pharmacist. "I'd never do that, at least not willingly. He—"
Back in the Villains Section, somewhere secluded, Kylo Ren sighed. His plan had been foiled, but who cares? He received news that the Good Guys' agent had been assisted by none other than Darth Leyenar, and that piqued his interest. He'd have to seek her out sometime later.