Chapter 10

/ All I want for Christmas is You

Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas

I won't even wish for snow (And I)

I'm just gonna keep on waiting

Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it

To the North Pole for Saint Nick (Ah)

I won't even stay awake to

Hear those magic reindeer click

'Cause I just want you here tonight

Holding on to me so tight

What more can I do?

Oh, baby, all I want for Christmas is you

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU

Mariah Carey / Merry Christmas

1993

Sean woke up early in the morning to prepare for his day, Ellie at the computer he ignored. She didn't go unnoticed, she just watched him leave wordlessly, hopeful that he would talk, but she wasn't in the mood to argue.

She studied his impatient temper-filled pensive expression and judged it be unwise to say a thing. So she did and said nothing and before he walked past her he grumbled a goodbye, to be fair it was before 8, and he hadn't even touched the coffee she finished for him, she was definitely on his shitlist.

"Bye," Ellie muttered out loud and poured Sean's untouched hot coffee into her thermos to go to the holiday work party. It was kind of this test for her sobriety, and she'd be less tempted to go crazy and drink, or less likely to attend at all, she didn't feel like she was ready to be around people. She called it a run-through, if she could manage then Sean would owe her an apology, and by the season's end, they'd be back on like they used to be, in her mind. As if it was the end of all perfection and living beginning and end, they were both changed forever apart and together, and their changes even tore them apart, Sean is a courteous one, Ellie is more hopeful, and optimistic, and there's a fine line between optimistic and delusion and she still glorifies the old days, while Sean is rooted in reality and severity of the situation, and has just been given an out. Ellie is not ready for heartbreak, she has no idea how bad this will sting, she isn't seeing things, she's so proud of herself for getting sober, and Sean is practically running away from her, avoiding her, not speaking to her directly, it's been two days since the discussion.

Sean had been passing by, the opportunity to save them even couldn't keep things the way they were, nostalgic memories both sweet and bittersweet are few and scarce or don't feel the same, a chore, a mild amusement, quiet resentments, and unwritten dreams dashed.

She felt finished with the habit that took so much to her, she tirelessly clings to as this crutch, however, wants better, and knows she could do it, but yet cowardly and unmotivated, she'd likely relapse if she didn't see things soon she'll be blind-sighted and turned to the bottle to cope with the fallout. Sean can no longer take the resentment building inside of him, he often has to remind herself that Ellie is a girl, albeit a woman and yet she behaves immaturely, or at least comes off as irresponsible now, and the opposite of the kind of alt chick with a deadpan sense of humor, emphasis on dead, she loved goth aesthetics and movies of an indie persuasion influenced by Ashley.

When Ellie moved to town during their freshmen year of high school, she was kind of an outcast. Before Ashley and Marco came along she would spend a lot of time at her uncle's piercing and tattoo parlor. Before Degrassi brought her up to her aspirations for writing and journalism, she was an artsy one. Sometimes on summer days or boring rainy days, Ellie would whip up lovely drawings. She almost wanted to be a tattoo artist, she tried many things in her teens to pass her time, especially when she was alone.

Marco was and is her best friend, even if they're taking that hiatus from hanging out because of her drinking, he and her haven't been exactly speaking. Marco has been a bit distracted by his new lover, Randy, and Ellie has finally worked through enough to simply manage but not completely get away from her ultimate dream-killing vices. She thinks they don't see how tortured she is, and will only become when she comes to from her stupor. She'll realize how much time she wasted drinking, things she lost and will never regain, the precious time she can't get back with loved ones and friends, the bridges she burned and left, the wreckage and debris of her lifestyle.

-x-x-x-x

Sean had quite a day, this morning he saw the bang-up job of the collapsed bathroom, so he had to first thing put an out-of-order sign on there. He wants to know the culprit, but today was a lax day overall, he sat at his desk doing bills. Most of the big jobs were already in the rearview and now they just wait for the new year and he has to sort out the ledger. Craig stopped by Sean's garage at lunch with some McDonalds, he knocked on the door jam and announced in an amusing sing-song voice, "I come bearing gifts."

Sean was initially preoccupied with some work-related things and temporarily forgot about the time. He has so many things on his mind and work keeps him busy while he can be productive. He saw the bag from McDonald removed his black-rimmed reading glasses working on the books for the garage to distract him, "It's noon already? Sit down."

As Craig sat across from Sean he moved the papers from the side to make way for the food. Simultaneously he gave Sean his Big Mac and fries and Craig took his lunch out of the brown paper bag. 'Thanks."

A little bird told him that Sean and Emma ran into each other and wanted to know the details and besides at least once a week Craig and him alternate for lunch hang. This week was Craigs turn to buy and bring to Sean's and it's a good thing because it slipped Sean's mind he's been distracted. He didn't hold it against him, shit happens and he partly accepted that. He started with a regular old guy conversation along the lines of how's work, what's been new, strictly small talk before he aims for the jugular and boldly asks him, "So um it's been a full house at the old homestead. I've never been more outnumbered. Katrina is driving Me and Manny crazy, long story short she probably hates us too. Were we this bad as teenagers?" Sean made a face unsure of what to say, it wasn't like he had a relationship with his parents since before he was Kat's age, but he was not blind to that. "Never mind."

"She'll find her way."

Sean wasn't going to say mention Emma and had a feeling it would come up naturally.

Sean set up his burger and dumped his fries into the spare part of the container, he took some of the ketchup packets and slid some ketchup beside his fries on the top of the Big Mac container. Craig set up his lunch and picked at the fries as he added, "It's weird having Emma around, I lowkey think it's a major flight risk. Kat grilled her and she didn't deserve that. She's done a lot for her, being her godmother and all and I missed her. She was always good to us, and it's nice not having to buy a plane ticket to go see her like normal. Imagine our surprise when she decided to come to our place. It's not the Ritz, but she's welcome and she always is you know, she's practically family. She just always flakes out or whatever or you know she has that career and likely not a lot of time to be around doing that stuff forever is a lot, I did a little tour small scale, and like ugh, and I'd never down her for it."

"Right, I feel like you're getting somewhere with this, but you haven't reached the point yet? I sense a but to this?" Sean dipped a french fry into the ketchup waiting for the rest of the point without being rude to his friend. As Craig prepared for the next part of the conversion, Sean grumbled reaching for his fountain coke.

"Nah I'm just saying she's in town. I figure, if you didn't know you'd want to know."

"Oh cut the crap, Craig I don't know what you're angle is but -"

"It's like one of those romantic crappy Lifetime movies Manny watches all the time. The career woman, you know maybe she's lonely, single, and home for the holidays. I can't make it up, it couldn't be more romantic."

"Hanging out in a house of girls, you're nuttier than a fruitcake, Manning."

Craig ignored Sean's grumbling and continued with the narrative he was weaving, "And like you're the hometown, good looking, former flame, bad boy on a motorcycle, a wild card, a black sheep a baddie."

"What are you, pray tell, the lovable musician guy who likes this kind of trash on Lifetime and Hallmark?'

Craig ignored the comment as he added more to the story, "I'm strictly a supporting character in this. You're opposite the career woman in this story."

Sean ate his lunch and begrudgingly listened as Craig talked about something that would never happen giving him false hope about what could be stirring in his heart.

He was stone-faced and trying his hardest to deflect his true feelings no matter how ridiculous it would be to do. He chimed in after growing annoyed but didn't want to be outright cruel. "It's ancient history, water under the bridge, and it's not in the cards. We're split up for a reason. Plus fictional shit isn't anything like what actual people do and want or think, and gullible people. It's pathetic. She's not, and neither am I. I hate that word and I just want to put myself on the line for heartbreak. I'm too old for this. If El gets her shit together I guess we'll be fine and eventually, we'll be together and normal or I meet some other girl or something who won't be either of them. I have no chance, not that it matters. What did she say? What did you hear?"

"Well according to you, Knowitall Cameron, it doesn't matter right, because well, like you so eloquently put it, it's over, fire is out, yadayada, right?"

Sean remembered Emma and him arguing and she called him pathetic like it was a berzerk button that would instantly put him in beastly fight mode. He never had a chip on his shoulder because he was so tight with his secretive feelings that he'd rarely speak. He hates to admit Ellie has an inkling that Sean has lost the spark they shared and therefore he could be looking to find someone, cheating or already did, trust crumbling into the what ifs of finding out the ex is returning. What would Ellie do if Sean and Emma fell in love again? What would Sean do if there was even a hope they'd feel the same mutually? What would happen to Ellie realistically? Sean fears answering that question because it would be awful for everyone involved. Ellie would be hostile because of this, and even though she's his roommate at this time not really a girlfriend, he supposes she would feel even worse and drive herself to drink once again.

He kept quiet about that and hoped Craig didn't pick up on what Sean laid down. "Besides that's a silly fantasy for horny, lonely, middle-aged housewives who watch soap operas and iron sheets and fold their panties."

"Oddly specific."

Sean went on, "And people who like William Shakespeare and read that shit in high school and young adult novels in adulthood, nerds who write stories about high fantasy and things that would never happen sentimental fools. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I picked up a book let alone a Shakespearian book. High school was over and done with sixteen years ago. Dude, you've, you gone soft. Are you okay?"

"Are you done?" Craig asked, "It was a simple thought, I'm in the Christmas spirit."

"And you thought it'd be some miracle if Emma and I were to date again?"

"You may as well."

"Manny's rubbed off on you, look at you every inch a matchmaker now."

"You like the change?"

"No."

"You know despite you being weirdly specific, you're valid but, dude? Weird flex with the book thing, it's more than that. I'm not blind."

"Craig get glasses, you're not picking up the general vibe which is, I guess I just don't think you live in reality either." Sean playfully snickered, "Hear me out, say we hit it off, and then suddenly we don't? Worse, what if we don't click? Even worse, Craig what would happen if we hit it off and she had to return home from all this? It's inevitable. What would happen then? I wouldn't be able to handle that. I'd probably break her heart all over again and I'm still struggling with that, and have been, I didn't mean to get this honest but, shit." Sean dropped the french fry and got serious for a second, " and I don't know it's so risky but no guarantees and why should we take a leap of faith of epic proportions to crash and burn?"

"Is this your fantasy?" Craig asked dying for some comments some tidbits something, anything he didn't think Sean was this much of a fool or in this deep of denial. It's only just begun for these long-lost lovers. It's classic. "Like look, she grew up, had a glowup, she's pretty, rich, famous and she could have any guy in the world but she falls for that handsome, nice local guy she loved all those years ago in Buffalo Check."

"I don't wear that garbage enough, I need to steal the television remote from Manny and I'll grab a screwdriver for you to screw your head on, what is that man?"

"Whatever, some women like Manny and others like that shit," Craig said nonchalantly disappointed that Sean won't come clean about what he's always known, that Sean is still very much invested in Emma in a truly heartbreaking way. He still is in love with her, but never in a million years he ever thought he'd first see her again, much less pursue something romantic such as a date or anything like that. "It can be cringey sometimes but I can dig into romance." He was pretty beaten up about it, Sean hasn't changed that much in terms of pissing away good opportunities on account of fears, major fears that derail his life somehow. It's part of the reason he never really left town, he feared he'd miss an opportunity she'd run into him and they'd go back to where they belonged, but Craig simply just wants simple pleasures. Sean is a realistic guy, but he's afraid alot of time, afraid to fail, afraid to embark on uncharted, and emirates himself in a sea of isolation and troubles that only recently he felt some hope. Craig's torn because while Sean has always been somewhat stormy, in actuality, it's because he just wants to see Sean happy that it both infuriates and feels compelled to plant the truths he refuses to see in his head. Sean often resides in his head in deep thought, fantastical, normal, apparently normal to crush on someone who had given him the biggest thump to his ego and challenged him like no other. He's been much happier since the night before at the bar, but he's not believing in this to be what it is or isn't, or seems uninterested in the eye and the mind. He's just as stubborn as her by contrast, with deliberately salty behavior of running away and then never returning home in fear, overwhelming fear of failure, and also fear of heartbreak by the same person just years later. Is it all a heartbreak waiting to happen?

"Dream on, what would she see in a guy like me?" Sean asked blankly, he truly believed she'd moved on and he was a distant memory, or neer good enough for her even now. Sean candidly remarks, "She's out of my league, she always has been. Why was I kidding myself all those years ago? I'm a footnote, to her, probably, I don't know, I don't care, I shouldn't even play. She's big league and I'm on the bench if we're talking baseball or whatever. You know, not that it matters now. She moved on. I moved on."

"Sure, whatever you say." Craig hadn't been convinced that any of what he was was to be true and that's him trying to self-heal and deflect, lie it off, brush it off that's his schtick. Craig knows him well, and then he finishes his sentence, but all the while Craig could pick up this is something Sean had thought about, and felt there was much more to the story. Finally, he decided to go for it, and he decided to entice him, "Then how come a little bird told me -"

Sean sighed, mildly annoyed with his admirable and hopeful efforts. He looked at Craig shaking his head and laughing along but standing on the hill, dying on the hill, the mound that they're practically different people, and harbor nothing toward one another and instead complimenting Craig on how he truly had stepped up and changed for the better after the debacle with his dad, adjusting to Joey's house and juggling school and parenting responsibilities, "Manny and you are like two peas in a friggin' pod, you guys are so alike."

"Why are you saying that?" Craig asked pretending to be insulted. "Is that an insult?"

Sean mockingly continued his defeatist attitude. "You've gone soft."

"Hey! In my defense, love brings people together, as do the holidays, setting the stage for this romance, you know set during the holidays in the sleepy little town kind of epic." Sean shook his head fronting ignorance and laughing out loud at Craig for being silly and bringing him a smile. Deep down Sean loves a good romance albeit in action and adventure films and such but not in the chick flick territory.

Craig added softly rooted back to reality and calmly complimented Sean, knowing deep down Emma's departure was huge for Sean. Her leaving was a wake-up call. He was hurt by this more than he let on. "All jokes aside, you seem happier today despite the digs against me and Manny, we need some enjoyment after Hurricane Katrina comes blowing in destroying good days in our wake."

"You're goofy."

"Leave it alone, Sean. I'm trying to help you."

"It's gonna take more than a wingman, honestly. I'd need a licensed matchmaker plus a million dollars, maybe a Ferrari."

Craig made a face, "Dude, she's still the same down-to-earth Emma who fell for you, it's not that different."

Sean looked at the brown paper bag and back at Craig plastering a fake smile, it's not that he's not grateful but his heart does break a bit whenever he hears her name. "McDonald helped but let it go. I wish you wouldn't bring her up, it's been a long time. Give it a rest."

"So Manny told me about earlier." Craig calmly stated, and he got a bit serious for a minute, he staggered back not to speak of what Manny said to Sean or Emma specifically, and added, "So why didn't you tell me you ran into Emma? Drank with Emma, dropped her off last night wasted and Manny played babysitter and shit. You didn't mention it once. I know how you feel man, why didn't you say anything?"

Busted, he thought to himself but played it off, "I don't know, what's there to tell?"

"Oh I don't know, the girl of your dreams come back to town, you do the math you're good at that shit."

"She's not, I don't know." Sean got a little admittedly bashful but he knows Craig's games. Nothing to tell, nothing happened." Craig made a face where it was evident he wasn't buying what he was selling, "We got drunk, well she got drunk."- I was respectful and nice. I took her back to your place. When it got late I gave her a lift home when she was gonna walk and that's it."

"A kiss?"

"I don't kiss and tell."

Craig shook his head beaming, "You crazy kids."

"Sorry to burst your bubble we danced and there's nothing to tell. Nothing like physical, I mean I didn't want to overstep boundaries with her, I respected her, and I have respect for her. She's out of my league, it kind of comes with the territory that even though she is, I still care I guess."

"I didn't tell you this but we kind of had a rocky start."

"Eh whatever, she probably will remember me as the guy who broke her heart, that's it for me. If that's the truth I'm done for, if I think pessimistic," he was tripping on words with his heart full, he'd never been out loud so eloquently to elegantly describe and quantify some candid, idealistic dreams he has of his former girlfriend, who is arguably the one who got away.

"Do tell." Craig encouraged him to continue this, he was admitting and proving him right and he was playing right into it.

"She probably doesn't remember anyhow but I took her back to your place She invited me to your tree trimming bash tonight. She assumes she invited me, but you're who's been given her a place to live and such."

"And they say chivalry is dead. She gave you an in, she wants you."

"Maybe she was being polite."

"C'mon, how do you not see this? Sean my man, I wish you could see what I see in you two, the potential and the instrumental nostalgic past of what you guys were, or know what I know. I mean Manny's dying for something like this to happen."

"Why bother getting my hopes up? What she's gonna stay here in some perfect world? I can't let her do that, and besides nothing going on between us. Nothing is going on between us. I mean, she's got this amazing life and opportunity and limitless potential. Why would I want to stand in the way of that or ruin our newfound friendship or whatever for a fling?"

Craig silently hoped he'd circle back to the mark about what Craig knows, by being friendly with both Emma herself and dating and living with Manny for years. "What did you hear from her?"

"Doesn't matter like you said, you guys are friends, right?"

"Right, and I don't want to complicate things like others do no matter how I used to feel or whatever or our weird history." Sean sighed, "I'm stuffed." He closed up the box and wrapped up the remainder of his lunch.

Sean's typically kept his feelings tight to his chest when it comes to her, but Craig isn't a stupid guy nor is he blind and can see through his tough guy exterior, the emotionally bankrupt veneer that seldom crumbles into his ooey, gooey, mushy and heartfelt marshmallow core.

They were friends for years, something he and Emma weren't. They weren't friends. They tried to be, but they were either destined to be romantic, but friendship wasn't in the cards for them. They're doing each other a great service dancing around the truth. He resents the fact she exited their life, and she resents the fact he didn't try to stop her full stop. The reality is, he hasn't changed that much, he was always like this to some extent, one way or another little things have changed, but he used to be more spiny or tougher when they were younger. It's funny what a number the real world does to people, or puts things in perspective.

Sean had thought back to their first conversation in the alleyway before their tender moments at the bar, the initially sweet moment of their reunion that turned ugly fast. Seeing Craig talk high of her, he could see that being something he'd take sort of hard if Emma decided to book the hotel room and have that spa holiday she went on about whether she meant it at all. Perhaps like she used to she was even talking out of her ass to fill silent gaps in conversation to make herself seem fine when in reality he's suspect is also a veneer that gives way to a big heart.

He didn't want to burst his bubble and it all fell by the wayside as Sean thought about where Craig could be going with this, considering their history and unsure what all Craig knows about it. "Throw me a bone, you can't go and open this can of worms and then make me all confused?"

He spends most of his afternoons trying to get away from his house with Ellie and her clutter and baggage strewn about leaving little room for him to exist in their co-depending less than cooperative cohabitation. Maybe this could be a life-changing holiday season or something that alters life as they know it.

Craig glanced at his watch, they had spent the better part of the past hour between eating and the conversation about the past, present, and a fantastical potential future. "All is you guys need to get to know each other the way you guys are currently, and not the guy you were, the girl she was and maybe you can come to a mutual understanding or sparks could fly, or you guys can you know."

"We're adults, Craig. We're much more mature people." Sean hoped Craig would never find out about that backlot quarrel that the two of them had with all the pent-up rage and reigniting of the tempers flaring nature of them both. Sean had been so busy living in the past that arguably who is this girl? Maybe he doesn't give her enough credit, she was a self-made girl. She did things differently and albeit more successfully than any of the bunch and yet there are so many things he doesn't know, twenty years is a long time to be apart.

Sean confessed in an attempt to level with him, "Can you keep a secret?"

He looked at Sean intrigued by that question, or for him to open up about the topic of Emma, and gave him the floor to talk. "Of course. What is it?"

While he normally is neutral on Ellie he did refrain from talking negatively about her. In the early days, Ellie and Sean were a package deal and would hang out. After little Katrina, before she turned into a hellraiser was put to bed the adults would have fun and either watch movies, drink, or play games together a few times a week. As she grew up she'd sometimes join in the fun. Now she's embarrassed by all of them and slowly Ellie distanced herself from everyone and things are the way they are. There wasn't this huge fight, at least not with Craig and Manny but her alcohol intake only escalated and Sean bore the brunt and they bickered Craig and Manny never saw that side of her and only heard of the current situation through Sean. Ellie doesn't leave the house that much aside from work or frequents social media.

Craig abruptly glanced at his watch realizing they'd been talking a while and if he wanted to keep his job he better jet. "Ugh I hate to cut this short, you have roughly five seconds before I have to get back to work."

Sean backtracked in his head realizing they were limited on time and he wanted to kill some time before getting into a deep conversation such as the mythology that is Emma Nelson. He wanted to get in deep, but he wasted so much time fighting Craig and living in denial but he didn't want to hold him up either. He nonchalantly stated, "We can talk about it later on."

"That's cool with me, no pressure though. I was just, we'll put in a pin in it and come back to that stuff later. No biggie. We're doing this though. I have a short vacation we can do all that later. What's good after work?"

"Nothing." Sean was desperately not trying to go to the house he shared with Ellie. It's painful. He literally goes there to sleep, and he's lucky that she's passed out early so he doesn't have to deal with her by the time he gets back, and he barely even manages that sometimes. Craig rambled on excitedly, he loves the holidays. As a kid he didn't but now that he's got his own family and family traditions he gets to enjoy that time. "At least It's a half day like I don't have to work late, I have less than an hour and a half back at my desk before my Christmas Vacation and then we party tonight! So excited, dude. Tonight I'm getting so fucking wasted because it's the weekend and Christmas is coming." He started singing a bit there and Sean humored and laughed a little alongside him, but careful not to over-excite him. Craig is easily over-excited and cheerful and he doesn't want to rain on his parade or encourage him. Sean by contrast has little to celebrate, he doesn't mind throwing back some drinks with his friends though. He won't miss that for the world. "I've been neglecting the decorating because it's been so busy so we can tackle that maybe after a few brewksis tonight. Manny has been cleaning a lot and such for tonight she put in the girl stuff but I got to put up the lights, the outdoor stuff."

Sean never decorates for holidays, he might put up a little tree and stuff but he's got limited space in the two-bedroom apartment, he's also childless and Ellie's the opposite of neat and sucks all the fun out of the enjoyment of the holidays she's more bah-humbug than him and that's saying the least. Ellie did mention she will be going to her mom's to spend some time with her there starting tomorrow, so Sean will likely have the place to himself, but he usually ends up at Craig's for video games or sometimes Jay's place to spend some time with the guys. "There is something I wanted to run by you. What time you done anyway?"

"I get done at 5." Sean too was a bit intrigued, what was Craig thinking about? What is this mysterious thing he wanted to run by him? He simply answered the question and prepared his thoughts, "I guess I never really got over, grudgingly like I hated how she left us all behind as if we didn't matter to her."

"There you go, you admitted it in so many words. I really gotta get back, but could you meet me at the mall? How are you shopping?"

"I'll be there. I'll close up early, I suppose I'm not such a scrooge after all." Sean softly smiled, "I have a few last-minute gifts I have to get anyway. I'll be over in an hour and we can do the lights before the party starts."

"Sweet, see you then, later dude." Craig was now by the door jam and hit the threshold with his palm before disappearing down the hall and leaving Sean back where he started before the lunchtime visit seated at his desk with a mess of papers. He put his reading glasses back on rolled the McDonald's bag full of the trash strawrapper and used napkins into a ball dunked it into the waste bin and got back to work.

He moved the ledger closer to him but something caught his eye. He couldn't help but notice the small, framed photograph that the ledger was blocking temporarily was now facing him. It was Emma and him back in seventh grade, Spike had this obnoxiously huge camera and snapped the photograph in Emma's foyer before their first date. He picked one of the two, she had the other, and he secretly wondered if she still had the other photograph. The cast off from her locker 20 years ago remains in his wallet behind his driver's license so seldomly seen but always there.

There were other sentimental photographs as well lining his desk, such as a picture of Charlie his now-gone springer spaniel, Bueller, Ellie, and his ferret who is also gone but never forgotten, beside a photograph of him and Ellie in happier times on or around when they first met, next to that he and Tracker over the summer between grade 7 and 8 when they did a trip holding their helmets and dressed in their best leather and denim ensembles, an updated photo with Tracker and Sean a few years ago when he came out to Alberta to visit him with his daughter Dawn who is much older now and some other keepsakes and stills from throughout his life.

At the end of the day, he closed up his office from the lights to the technology, put on his jacket, and closed the blinds. When he finally finished in the office he closed up all the doors and then he switched the door signs from Come in we're Open to Sorry we're Closed, set his alarm, flicked off the last lights, and finally his keys locked up. He thought to himself, I don't want to see this place until next year. He was in his leather jacket, he made his way to his bike.

He pulled out his phone from his jeans and texted Craig before hopping on as he lit up his cigarette:

Just leaving work. Where should we meet up?

Craig texted back quickly, already at the mall:

Meet me by the food court!

About ten minutes later, he caught back up with Craig by the food court. As he made his way there, all Christmas music echoing different songs from the classics to the contemporaries felt a bit eerie to him. He wouldn't listen to this stuff voluntarily. He heard a song he hadn't heard in a long time that felt appropriate, and he's been hearing it more often as he gets older but he secretly enjoys it. Please Come Home for Christmas by the Eagles, it's a 70's sound he likes their other songs such as Take it Easy, Heartache Tonight, Take it to the Limit and of course the most popular of them all Hotel California a ballad about a place he'd never been before but has little to do with the state of Calfornia lyrically.

He listens to a lot of classic rock thanks to his parents and Tracker in his childhood as an influence. As he got older he switched to hardcore rap and hip hop which arguably in his teen years was the trend and in his opinion the best time for that genre, and he's all over the place these days musically he has a bunch of different sounds such as he has a gym and motivational playlist with a mixture of genres, he has a thing for 1980's power ballads and hair metal such as those compilation CD's late at night akin to Monster Ballads. He grew up on that stuff but finds his way circling back to those songs about love, loss, grief, and pain and copes through those. He has a big heart he likes to hide behind with this tough guy persona, his music is reflective of his soft and sometimes sweet core. He has excellent taste, but no one would know he rarely shows that side of him and he'd be lying if he wasn't ashamed of that. He had always been taught to hide his vulnerability and the only person he could get that close with were his close friends like Craig who had seen him in his toughest of times, and Emma herself who comes to mind when he does listen to these ballads because he's never felt that level of intensity for any girl but her.

In the beginning of his relationship with Ellie, he felt intense feelings, but as the years went by the initial bright burning spark that had initially burned so bright igniting like this beacon of hope had faded to a dull unremarkable ember in the dark. They had a lot of these moments where there was a glimmering smoky ember that would never really get off, a lot of these false starts but ultimately the fire would die out over time. It wasn't for a lack of trying. He doesn't know if he was in love, but it was pretty close. If anything it was this companionship that had been more costly than beneficial in recent years. He hates dwelling on that negativity and for a lot his heart had hardened and he'd become distant and closed off and filled with many regrets and what-ifs.

"Sean, my man. Okay, so what I wanted to talk about earlier was, that I want to do something really special for Manny this Christmas. Between like Kat being, well Kat, she's been dealing with a lot. I want good news, I want a happy wife happy life, and Manny and I have been together for over twenty years which is crazy. I've got her great material things over the years like purses, makeup, and stuff, but I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level and talk commitment for real. I want to marry her, dude. I want to propose to her, I want to ask her like a cheesy commercial on Christmas Eve in the show. Give her the ring like that sexy lumberjack-type dude in those Hallmark and Netflix romance stories! I need your help man."

"Ellie and I have been together for a long time, but I'm already tied to her without the ring. Joey would be the man for the job. He's been married before, you know, to your mom."

"Well, yeah when you put that way but you are my friend. Joey and I have discussed this recently too. I just don't know," Craig sighed, "I don't know why I dragged my feet for so long, it's not that I never wanted to it was that we never settled down like traditional couples do."

February 5th, 2004

Manny's Parent's Apartment

Manny was pregnant. She took more than one test and informed Craig.

She and Craig had been quietly dating since December, quickly reconciling after the big production at the school. He apologized for things with them after Christmas Break remained still on the outs with Ashley, and skewed loyalties with their slew of mutual friends. Marco and Sean stood by him and supported him, even standing up in his defense when Ashley would rant about how Craig wronged her. Initially, he and Manny were mostly some dirty little secret in the first month of their relationship to keep the peace.

Her parents weren't home from their jobs yet, and her brother whom she didn't have much of a relationship had been out of the house for years by then. He was in college since she was in grade 7, so she didn't have family support the other family was in the Philipines and she was afraid. Craig though unprepared was supportive. He wanted a family sure, but none of this was in the plans. All of a sudden things that didn't seem like a big deal were coming to the surface such as prom, driving, college plans, and the future all coming crashing down like the perfect storm. He didn't show it but he was scared shitless. At least they had each other. They were both young, had their whole lives ahead of them and now they had so much to do and prepare for. They were both scared of what was to come. What did they have to give up and sacrifice? What kind of jobs could they get?

By Valentine's Day of 2004 about a week later, she was completely moved out and living at the Jeremiah's full time. Joey had some stipulations, such as school, staying in school, and no hanky panky which they mostly at first adhered to.

In the beginning, while Joey renovated the garage and put a little addition to the house, she stayed in Angela's room temporarily, and they grew close, he and Craig put a nursery together for the new baby. She had a lot of practice learning to take care of a youngster through babysitting or giving Joey a hand with Angela. She made some extra cash babysitting neighbors while living at the house, but Joey never asked her for help with rent and had things mostly covered financially.

Craig worked too and did odd jobs whatever he could. They got involved in local theatre, open mics, and such in their late teens and they focused heavily on the arts and that's when the local theater thing came into play. Theatre was a family affair. Craig always took a behind-the-scenes approach but filled in if a cast member came down with something, but he played it well and such. Once they did a production of RENT where he played Roger Davis initially he was supposed to be an understudy but their original Roger had gotten the flu but from then on out he wore many hats including having lead roles.

When college came along, they worked jobs and alternated schedules as Katrina grew up, she was able to take care of herself and she was trustworthy and a good kid with a level head on her shoulders. For the first fourteen years of her life, she was an angel. She was a model kid, never got in trouble, had good grades, had lots of friends, was only a little bit boy crazy, and liked pink and pretty things then this year coupled with senioritis she's a different girl and was great until she wasn't. Manny doesn't know where it comes from, even when her dad and her would but heads or argue before, she'd never say what Kat would say to either her or Craig. Even when Joseph kicked her out of their lives and disowned her, she didn't say anything hurtful in fact, she didn't say anything at all. She just packed up what she could and he did all the talking and it wasn't anything good and she likes to block it out.

Craig interjected and was met with even more insults, Manny defended Craig because she knew he didn't deserve to be berated either, but Craig wanted to protect her honor. In all his rage it came to a head when Joseph promptly grabbed him by the shoulder insulting, berating, and violently shoving him to the door, in his native language.

It took everything in Craig not to say anything in retaliation. To this day, Craig has no idea what exactly the words he said to him, but he assumed it was nothing good, and then he was forced to stand and watch Manny pack up and leave her home for the first fourteen years and change her life. Craig wasn't allowed to assist her, at Mr. Santos' request, and he was forced to watch silently, and sadly. He comforted her the best he could, it was a tough break.

All the while her parents shamed her in their native language, dad did most of the emotional damage but her mom stood by him and just shook her head in shame, and promptly booted her out. She remained stony, yet sad, and held herself together in the apartment.

Once she and Craig turned the corner toward the elevator going down to the lobby, Craig quietly assisted her by holding some of the boxes and bags, because he couldn't in his heart of hearts let his pregnant girlfriend carry heavy objects or hurt their precious cargo. When they were alone in the elevator she immediately and silently collapsed, it all fell apart in seconds and she burst into tears.

Craig and her with full hands held each other for a moment by leaning against one another as her tears fell freely. Craig couldn't say anything, he was still shocked and traumatized because the whole incident was worse if he could believe it than what he experienced with Albert throughout the first years of his own life.

Sometimes abuse doesn't leave physical scars, but emotional ones.

It took time for Manny to live independently at Joey's. She used to ask Joey sometimes if it was okay if she could do basic things like read, take a shower, go out in the backyard leave the room, or even lay down or go to bed. Her dad ruled the roost growing up, and she wanted to be respectful of Joey, but he was much more lenient and fair than the patriarch, Santos.

When she calmed down as they reached the ground floor, and loaded up the car, Manny quietly filled him in on the basic translations, in so many words blamed him for Manny's "situation" and that because their child Manny's carrying would be born out of wedlock the baby is a demon. As for Manny, she is a slut and whore for having sex, unprotected and out of wedlock, what a scandal and Craig is deep down a demon, who convinced their virgin daughter to lay with him. Manny finally sighed and told Craig matter-of-factly, "You're better off not knowing."

He was insane, he had never seen someone that angry before, usually, Albert would come to blows silently and maybe say a few awful words before using his hands and less of his words. Joseph fought with words, and while he was angry the words he spewed Manny felt the scars and it was her last memory of her life as she knew it before it all changed. Craig couldn't help but feel immense sorrow and pain, he never wanted to see her cry ever again. He made it a goal to make her happy. He knew if she ever lived with her parents or spoke to them again it would be a disaster. They stayed away and built a life, a happy one, and don't think about them much if at all.

The new couple on the way home in the car stuffed with all of Manny's possessions including the collection of Fluffy Fluffs including Horsey Horse, the one he had won on their ill-fated first date over a year before that, he managed to say something and Manny had gotten upset with Craig for speaking ill of her father and instead turning hurt inside of her. She burst into tears once again, as she opened the door to what would become her new home. While she was grateful she was welcomed with open arms by Joey and young Angela, who had grown to be family as they grew up apart and together and now share this strong bond after being close all of this time.

If someone were to tell Craig, he'd never believe that in a million years. Now twenty years later, the clingy, hopeless romantic, young girl, who went from sweetheart to sultry sexy, and desirable and then to become his live-in pregnant, social pariah, girlfriend within a year was a shock, to say the least. He never abandoned her or their baby who grew up and now is embarking on her own life and he wants to make the girl who had stood by him, listened to him, and mutually supported him in good and bad times, and make it official and significant. He never had this kind of money to put away, they always would forgo going on vacation and neglecting themselves and now they could go to the next level.

Even if Manny said no, he'd still want things to remain the same but he feels like he'd be honored for them to spend the rest of their lives together. Katrina isn't the only thing holding them together, it might have initially made their lives but also enriched their lives but isn't the only answer or reason to why they've chosen or fallen in love. Manny fell first, but Craig's love only intensified over the years and now he wants to act on that love, and show the world and make her his wife. He had been thinking about it for a few years, but the timing seemed perfect, or as perfect could be, and right to him.

Sean beamed when Craig said that because he'd been wondering himself what their plans were. They'd been together since high school he had no doubt she'd accept the proposal she'd probably been on pins and needles, "It's an honor for you to tell me first."

"Well technically, I talked to Joey first or he asked me point blank and it became a thing."

"Well, I meant out of your friends, not family."

"This is super important it has to go well. I need to pick out the ring."

Sean doesn't wear jewelry and Ellie wasn't a girlie or material girl. "I'm sure you should consult an actual girl."

"Darnit, Ang isn't gonna be here until tomorrow because she's going out with her friends from school in town, so Sean how about we add Emma to our pow-wow?"

"Isn't she busy setting up and getting ready for the party?"