Authors Note: I do not own Cyberpunk 2077, just an avid game fan.
Rated M for MATURE.
Though V's a street-kid turned mercenary to survive and now killed countless... at the end of the day, she's human taking her toll. And near the edge of success, its when it tends to hit the hardest.
In the dim glow of my room, clad in boxers and a sports bra from a previous shower, I lie in bed fixated on the ceiling with the acrid scent of cigarettes lingering in the air. Each exhale releases tendrils of smoke that weave through the silent spaces between shadows like a ghostly dance. The ceiling above becomes my canvas, a tableau for the slow dance of embers and the rhythmic ticking of time. With each drag, I watch the seconds stretch into hours, lost in the ritual of smoke and contemplation. The night unfolds in a symphony of quiet introspection, and as nocturnal hues tiptoes through the blinds, I find myself entangled in the delicate threads of a sleepless night.
A halo call shattered the silence, drawing an immediate response from me. "Hey Jude, what's up?"
"V… come over— stat," she breathed heavily, her voice carrying an air of urgency.
"Something happen?" I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, sitting up on the mattress.
"Yeah…just— just come." Her voice hollowly responded, laced with unmasked grief as the call ended.
Never heard her sound like that…
Swiftly, I grabbed a shirt and pants, hopping as I threw on shoes before bolting out the door.
As I navigated the night streets, the buildings towering like giants in the dark. My grip tightened on the handle bars, and the city lights blurred into streaks as I maneuvered tensely, racing thoughts creeping into my every move. The hum of the engine and the pulse of the city melded into a gnawing sense of urgency that now throbbed within me.
I parked erratically in the lot as I raced up the stairs pulling open the unlocked door of her complex.
"In the bathroom!" Her voice called with anguish as I swiftly opened the door in front of me unveiling a desolating scene.
Judy Alvarez sat at the tub's edge, overalls hanging loosely as her pants and tank revealed vulnerability. She was folded into herself, elbows on her knees as she held her wrists together against her forehead into white knuckled fists. A silent rocking motion overtaking her, each sway mirroring the profound grief etched into her body language. Blood had splattered across the floor beside her shoes of the tub where Evelyn Parker lay.
My hand held onto the door frame to steady myself, Evelyn's skin was ghastly white as blood trailed the front of Viktor's clothes within the tub, the water and the crimson swirling as she lay limply with her head to the side revealing meat and muscle within her neck.
"Oh fuck…" I breathed pushing forward as I stumbled onto my knees beside the tub.
"Y-you ah checked her pulse?" I questioned grasping for Evelyn's neck, my fingers smearing the sticky crimson across her icy mottled skin as I felt for a pulse finding nothing.
"V…she's gone." Judy whispered softly beneath her arms.
"Bird off's herself to express her dying gratitude for saving her ass." Johnny announced behind me.
I waved my open palm towards him, "S- stop talking." I clasped my hands onto the outside of Judy's thighs kneeling to her.
"I was— I was only gone for an hour..." Her quivering voice trailed off as she gritted her teeth, shaking her head against her tense wrists. "I didn't— I didn't know who else to call!" She choked on her words, and my own chest twined with grief.
"How did this happen?" I softly inquired, pushing my eyebrows upward with concern.
"I don't know!" She cried, her body wracked in motion from her hitched breathing. Tensely, she rubbed her fingers over her face. "Told you... Evie was lyin' in bed, like always, when I went out!" She held her hands clasped together, slowly lowering them to her lap as mascara trailed down her face.
"And I got back to—Augh." She rocked backward with grief, holding her wrists to her face once more, attempting to shield herself from the gory scene.
"Fuck…" I breathed looking into the ceiling for guidance.
"If I'd just known I'dve…I was— I was only gone an hour!" she moaned, shaking her head slowly again beneath her arms.
"Don't. Blame. Yourself. Won't solve anything." I ordered firmly.
"Augh!" She raised her head to me with pleading tear stricken eyes and clenched fists, " I should've sensed something— something that it was off—heugh" she exclaimed in distress pressing her head to her wrists once more shaking her head firmly.
Instantly raised upward I gently clasped her triceps, drawing her forward into the refuge of my chest. With a protective instinct, I wrapped my arms around her, an embrace intended to shield her from the pain that echoed in the depths of her being.
"Stop..." I breathed, pressing my chin against the crown of her head as I squeezed my eyes shut myself. "Couldn't watch her twenty-four seven..." Sobs into my chest escaped her as each shuddering breath echoed the depth of her grief.
I shook my head slowly. "She'd made up her mind. Woulda found a way. Always." I stated with my own hollow voice as I slowly pulled away, clasping Judy's wrists stating, "Gotta do something with her..."
Judy gradually lowered her hands onto her lap. As my fingers trailed up to her hands, she squeezed them tightly, her gaze fixed on Evelyn. "Don't want any trouble," she sniffed, determination in her voice. "I'm callin' the badges." Her eyes gradually shifted to me, chin raised though quivering. "Can you carry her to the bed?" She inquired softly.
"As if that'll change anything…" Johnny groaned.
I ignored him as I swiftly leaned Evelyn's body forward gripping underneath her arms as Judy left the room and I placed her limp body on the edge of the tub. I wrapped one arm across her back as I tucked the other underneath her legs, cradling her to my chest.
"I need to uh… report an accidental death." Judy's voice called on the phone in the kitchen.
I solemnly carried her towards the bedroom past the kitchen, "North side Carter street— No. No." she demanded into the call as I gingerly layed Evelyn within the quaint mattress once more.
"Suicide." Her voice stated before aggressively rising, "No. NO! Today! What part of that don't you understand?!"
I slowly backed away from the body, eyes lingering past Johnny as he stared at Evelyn with crossed arms. I looked towards Judy within the kitchen, "No, she was not pronounced dead by Trauma team. If she'dve had coverage we wouldn't be talkin'!" She threw her hand around as she paced.
Through the doorframe she halted and yelled into the phone in front of her face, "An' fuck you! If you don't wanna move your asses why don't I come down to the precinct and trash it into bits?!" She waved her hand.
She held the phone to her ear once more, "Now will you come 'n arrest me?! You pussies!" Suddenly she laughed crudely, raising her head to the ceiling in an arch as she waved her hand, "Fine! I don't give a fuck what you write me up for!" She clicked the call off, splaying her hands onto the counter bar.
After a deep breath she strided into the room towards me stating, "They'll be here soon."
She crossed her arms facing me with mascara trailed cheeks, "Psh, told me to keep her on ice 'till tomorrow. Can you believe the balls?!" She scoffed, shaking her head in disdain.
"All things considered…you let 'em off easy. Had it been me, they'd have gotten more than an earful." I shrugged, nodding my head to the side.
Judy slowly stepped towards the bed before sitting by Evelyn's feet, she rubbed her hands nervously across her own thighs before extending her arms as she leaned back, "Gonna put somethin' on her, rather she look like a person than a body."
She leaned her elbows on her knees as she clasped her hands together gazing at her but asking me, "Can you wait outside?"
I reluctantly stepped out of the room as she whispered, "Close the door V, please."
I complied, leaning against the counter with my arms crossed, my gaze fixed on the closed door. I tapped my foot rapidly, enveloped in the agony of her gut-wrenching sobs that seemed to persist for an eternity.
I gotta let her say goodbye.
I shook my head, running my hand through my hair as the door swung open. As I realized the mascara had been cleaned from her cheeks there stood Judy, her petite face pale as a sheet, clinging to the door frame. She wobbled towards me, gasping, "I can't—I can't breathe," her legs giving way beneath her.
I firmly grasped her arms catching her, noticing the tension in her sternocleidomastoid neck muscles as she hyperventilated. "Hey, hey! It's just a panic attack—Let's get you some air."
With her arm draped over my shoulders, I led her out of the complex and up to the roof. As her face shifted to green, she shoved away from me, kneeling at the ledge before emptying the contents of her stomach.
"Deep breaths Judy." I ordered turning my head away, I settled into a nearby lawn chair beside the rooftop coffee table putting my elbows on my knees as I rubbed my face wearily.
Between fingers I observed her place one foot on the ground, she took slow deep breaths, determination etched across her face. With resolve, she pushed off her knee, standing tall with crossed arms, facing Night City's towers as the twilight shifted into the sky into hues of yellow.
I breathed a sigh of relief, instinctively retrieving the cigarette case from my pocket. When I realized, I examined it. The black metal surface revealed a shimmering rainbow-studded bunny with a golden heart. Opening it, I examined the Clouds advertisement and address inscribed inside before closing it and clutching it within my lap.
"Fwoo-uh," Judy exhaled a large breath, brushing hair from the side of her face. "Bum a cig?" She glanced back at me, lips pursed, with a questioning look.
I'm not sure that's what you need after a panic attack…
"Didn't know you smoked," I remarked, scrunching my eyebrows skeptically.
She gazed out at the towering city, releasing her arms to her sides. "Uhhh. Quit. Been years," she said, reluctantly tearing her gaze away from the dawn as she walked towards me.
"Same." I commented softly, my gaze shifting to the ground, recalling the moment I started smoking again at Jackie's ofrenda.
"Right now I need somethin' 'sides air in my lungs, please V, just one." She pleaded, her voice hoarse.
I know the feeling.
I looked up as she stood before me with hands on her hips and pleading puffy eyes. I sighed and conceded, "Fine, here." With a nonchalant shrug, I handed over the metal case.
I observed her closely as she cradled the case with both hands, trailing a finger over the studded design and flipping it to the other side. With her raw voice, she remarked, "That was her smoke case." yet her gaze remained fixated on it.
Maybe a momento would help, like Jackie's Motorcycle.
"Wanna hold onto it?" I questioned gently, concern evident on my face.
She met my gaze blankly, as if pulled out of her memories, and gently shook her head. Her eyes flicked down to the case again, lips parted. "No," she breathed. "You seem to like it, keep it." Her voice was steady, herself as she met my eyes again with a slight smile before retreating.
Her gaze continued to peer into me as she added, "Kinda glad it's you that has it, actually."
With that she gently opened the case pulling out a long thin cigarette and rolling it between her fingers as she handed the case back to me. I set it between my spread thighs in the chair.
I retrieved the lighter from my pocket, and as she positioned the cigarette between her lips, leaning forward with closed eyes, I gently brushed her hair aside, my fingers trailing her soft cheek. Using those fingers as a shield, I flicked the lighter, igniting the cigarette. She took a deep inhale, transforming the tip into a glowing ember.
With closed eyes, she savored the moment, leaning back and tucking one hand under her elbow, while the other elegantly held the cigarette beside her face.
As she opened her eyes, she shook her head, her voice trailing, "Fuck, Evie..." The smoke spilled from her lips.
She put her hands down, tensely tilting her neck, her body swaying until she sat in the chair beside me with spread legs, leaning on her knees. Defeated, she fiddled with the butt of the cigarette using her thumb.
Her eyes peered into the sunrise as she furrowed her eyebrows, face grimacing. With a strained voice once more, she expressed, "I'd let her down— I thought if I gave her some space or time she'd get back on her feet."
I tried searching for the words—words for comfort, words for strength, words it's not your fault. In the end, her best friend was dead, and nothing I could say over and over would fix that. In the end I just wanted to let her know I was listening.
As I pulled out a cigarette and lit it I expressed, "Dunno what to say…"
"Ah, you don't need to talk... Did more for her than anyone else," she remarked.
I looked at her as she was already staring at me.
I'm no Saint…
"I had a motive to find her, Judy. You know that," I pointed out, shrugging my shoulders.
She brushed ash off her pant leg, "It's what you bring that counts, gave her freedom. A choice."
Maybe…but still.
"Jus' never imagined she'd choose this."
In a moment of quiet, we sat side by side, the air filled only with the soft murmur of city sounds. Cigarette embers glowed between our fingers as we shared the silence, smoke weaving patterns into the stillness, unspoken words lingering in the air until Judy filled it.
"Her condition- couldn't think about anything else. Tech wise she was clean, doll shard was operational, uncorrupted…" she raised her palms looking around slowly, "So, psychological trauma- had to be that." She dropped her hands once more to hang between her thighs.
She regarded me with a steady look stating, "Member fingers? How he said Evie was with him for four days?"
"Uh-huh…did say so." I slowly agreed, squinting to remember aside from beating his face into a bloody pulp in fit of rage.
She looked to the distance again, "She disappeared from Clouds a week before you turned up. Tom told me after we found her, couldn't sleep at night knowin' that."
The nightmare…nightmares.
A heavy wave of guilt enveloped me, its weight settling deep within, even though logic insisted I wasn't at fault. It was an unwelcome presence, casting doubt and remorse where reason should prevail. The air felt dense, and a sense of responsibility clung to me, leaving me tethered to an emotion I couldn't shake.
"Kept thinkin'— what the hell happened to those other three days, so…I did some diggin on her virtues." Judy continued, holding her hand up before flicking the ash of her cigarette. She shook her head with a sigh, avoiding my eyes as fixated on her in horror. "Ehh— found Woodman." She finished.
She then spat the words, "He kept her. Had his way with her. The things he did to her…" her voice trailed as she sniffed and moaned in anguish, "Ughh, once he got bored he pawned her off." She rolled her shoulders forward in disgust.
Why didn't you tell me?!
Mouth agape, I stammered with a hand held up, "Wait— so you found other recordings?"
Her eyes finally met mine reluctantly, "Had another look at the corrupted ones. Lots of static— hard to pick up anything, really." She shifted uncomfortably under my stare, leaning away and twisting her foot.
She fixated on the ground instead still slumped against her knees within the chair, "I wish I could unsee it. At some point I…" she hung her head with her eyes closed, "Stumbled on something like an echo of the spat we had…Last time we saw each other."
When she retreated to Clouds for safety?
"Had no idea that guy was such a monster. Saw him as your average tricky sleazebag." I shook my head squeezing my hand into a fist.
Abruptly, Judy flicked the cigarette butt from her fingers, adjusting her posture with crossed arms and legs as she fully engaged me. "Yeah, he puts on a convincing facade. I knew him, but I never thought him that sick in the brain." She nodded.
With silence and crossed legs, she restlessly shook one ankle, her eyes darting around the surroundings in a fidgety manner, grappling with a surge of nervous energy, "Gotta be somethin' I can do about it." She announced.
"Like what?" I inquired, raising my eyebrows at the suggestion.
"Don't know yet, think I'll call Suze…" Judy shrugged avoiding my eyes, "Heh, thanks V. Sorry. But uh, I'd rather be alone now…Promise to keep in touch." She squeezed her arms tightly, purposefully not looking at me.
"Sure you don't need anything?" I softly inquired, pushing my eyebrows up in concern.
She shook her head slowly, still refusing to look at me even though her tone was softer, "No. But, sweet of you to ask."
With a final puff, I flicked my cigarette butt over the ledge. As I stood, striding to take my leave, Judy called, "V..."
I halted as she asked me from behind, "What happened with the Voodoo Boys?"
With my hands in my pockets, I contemplated my words, gazing at the sky. I declared, "Only I can help me...I killed them."
Our eyes finally locked as she snarled through raging eyes with clenched fists, "Good."
That same morning, I lay in my bed once more, smoke curling towards the ceiling. With each drag, I watched the seconds stretch into hours, lost in the ritual of smoke and contemplation. That night I got a cryptic text from Judy.
Hey.
Buried Ev today.
Columborian near North Oak.
Thought you might want to know.
I bit my lip in worry as I responded,
How are you feeling?
I intend to get throughly shitfaced today.
Over the next couple of days, I threw myself into a multitude of gigs, even assisting Panam's nomad clan as we rescued their leader Saul from Raffins. I became a regular, each job a temporary escape. Amid the hustle, I found myself repeatedly glancing at Judy Alvarez's contact information. The digits lingered on my screen, a constant temptation in the midst of the chaotic rhythm of my city life and the dusty badlands.
As I climbed onto my motorcycle gripping the handlebars I inspected a recent message from Panam.
Hey. I've been thinking a lot about things- about the shit with Saul, about Mitch and Scorpion…about the family I had? Lost? Left? Adapting? Didn't know it'd be this complicated…
I don't get what's happening to me. I'm in this city, free to do whatever I want with my life...Fuck am I really free? If I left my old life because things got a little inconvenient? That would just mean I'm always going to keep running. Does that make sense?
I sent back a careful reply,
Maybe Mitch is right, you should go back. Settle everything once and for all.
A call rang in and I answered without hesitation,
"Hey..Judy, how ya feelin'?" I cautiously started as I drove deeper within town.
"Shitty. But somethin' came to me." She responded firmly.
I sighed, "Gotta give yourself time to grieve Judy. Experience all its stages, feel 'em, let 'em play out. Shock. Anger. Depression…"
Judy raised her chin defiantly, "I'd say I'm on anger. Gonna stay here awhile, too. I can work with anger."
I nodded slowly, "So what did you come up with?"
"The Mox dive, Lizzie's Bar, used to be a joyhouse 'till recently. Tyger claws killed one girl too many. So people took matters into their own hands, belongs to us now. Clouds could stand to get the same makeover."
My wearily inquired at her suggestion, "Sure you thought this through, Judy. Carefully?" I squinted my eyes.
"Pft, haven't thought it through at all." She scoffed before continuing, "All I know is the Mox didn't turn things around by sitting on their toned and tanned asses, doin' nothin'."
"Got the Mox to agree to take over Clouds?" I droned sardonically as I pulled over suddenly to the side of the road studying her in the halo fully.
"No. I'm tryin' to get you. Know someone at Clouds who'll take our side." She waved her hand towards me, "Will you help?"
She's doin' this with or without me.
"Fine. Got me on board."
Judy exhaled a tense breath, "Woo, yes!" She cheered sonorously.
I kicked up my bike driving once more, "Ok. So…what's the plan?"
"First up- we gotta talk to Maiko Meada. If she's not with us, might as well throw our hands up in the air."
I raised my eyebrows, "Maiko Meada…who is she, exactly?"
"Girl who unofficially runs Clouds. Good at it too."
"What's she do officially?" I narrowed my eyes.
"She's a doll, so she's a nobody."
"Evelyn, Tom, Maiko, Woodman…sure seem to know your way around Clouds." I shook my head at what she wasn't telling me.
"Used to work there. Helped 'em out with their behavioral chip, perfectin' it." She announced finally.
I raised my eyebrows at what I had suspected, "So, what made you leave?"
"Didn't like the vibe, place reeked of exploitation." She scoffed personally.
I sighed, "Sure Maiko's gonna want to join forces?"
Irritated with twenty four questions Judy answered, "If I was sure I'd be on the halo with her, and we wouldn't be havin' this conversation."
I replied evenly and slowly, "Let me rephrase… any chance she'll slap us around, then shove us out of her megatower window?"
"'Course, sure."
I responded tightly, "Guess I can work with that." I sighed, "How well do you know this Maiko?"
What else have you been leaving unsaid?
"Too well."
Really now…? Jealousy made my voice sharp. "When're we doin this?"
"Early mornin'. Clouds'll be closed- hardly a soul lurkin' at that time."
"How early?" I responded all business looking side to side at an intersection.
"Before eight, I'll be by the entrance..nah scratch that- the balcony above Clouds. We'll sneak in- no one needs to know we were there."
"On the balcony, got it." I nodded, blinking off the call.