Author's Note: I know it's been literal years since I updated this, but I was rereading Restitution recently and got the itch. I don't know when I started writing this oneshot, but it's been a long time, and I thought it deserved to be finished. This little story is just a speculative story on how Loki could have been introduced to Christmas. It does contradict Restitution a little bit, but I think you'll find it believable enough. Loki's first Christmas is Chapter 19 in Restitution, just to give you a bit of a timeline. I hope you enjoy!

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Loki realized as soon as he spoke that he made a terrible mistake. Steve looked over his shoulder at Loki with an expression of horror. Tony looked over his shoulder and gasped with more dramatic flair than usual. Natasha glanced over from where she walked on Loki's left and arched a brow.

"It me—"

"It means Merry Christmas."

Loki nodded his head, slipping his hands into the pockets of the black jacket he wore to hide his imperviousness to the cold. "Ah, yes. That repetition of the same phrase has made all answers clear to me. Thank you, Anthony, for your insight." Sighing, he rolled his eyes and tried again to obtain an answer about the signs he had been seeing for the past several days of street work. "I know what merriment is, of course, but I am unfamiliar with the concept of Christmas."

Tony held up a hand in a 'stop' gesture and waved it slightly. "Not so much 't,' and it's more like muss, not mas. Christmas. Not Christmass."

Loki exhaled as if to blow the bangs out of his eyes, but given that his hair was always slicked back, the act was one of pure irritation.

"It's a holiday," Natasha explained, pulling her coat around herself a little more tightly. "You don't have those on Asgard?"

Loki shook his head. "We call it a holiday when you decide to leave and visit another realm, but something tells me you aren't talking about that."

Steve smiled and gestured to the lights adorning the sign in question. "Christmas is the annual day for celebrating the birth of Jesus."

Loki opened his mouth to question further, but Tony beat him to it.

"Even though Jesus was born in the spring. Or late summer, early fall." Tony turned around and walked backward, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his wool coat. "On top of that, the entire holiday has been commercialized. People don't care about the history, they care about food and gifts and sales—not that I blame them."

Loki opened his mouth again, but it was, apparently, Steve's turn to cut him off.

"Tony, I don't think that's fair. Just because companies and some people choose…"

Natasha pulled Loki's attention away from Steve and Tony by taking his arm, falling behind while the arguing duo continued on, oblivious. "It's just a day of reflection; remembering what's important. It is about the birth of a man called Jesus, but it's also a day of family, friends, love, peace, and so on."

Loki pursed his lips. "But who is He? Why celebrate Him at all?"

"Well, people have argued about who and what He was since before He was born. Supposedly, He was God's Son; fully God and fully man. He lived a perfect life, died to pay for the sins of the world, and came back to life after three days." Natasha offered a faint smile. "That's a very, very simplified version. I can take you to a church if you want more specifics."

Loki twisted his lips, still confused. Normally, he would have passed on the opportunity without a second thought—humans typically didn't know what they were talking about when it came to higher power—but something didn't sit right with him.

"I would like that." He turned his gaze ahead of them, a mild scowl tainting his features when he realized Tony and Steve had slowed to a stop and were still arguing. "Now would be a wonderful time."

"I agree." Natasha looked around, her expression unreadable. "Follow me."

It took Loki a moment to process what had been said, and by the time he did, Natasha was halfway across the street. "I wasn't serious!" he called, looking both ways before running after her.

"I was." She ducked into a café and went up to the counter. "Excuse me, can you tell me where the closest church is?"

Loki fought the urge to sigh. Of course. Why not walk up to a random stranger and ask them for directions?

"There's one right down the end of the block." The dark-skinned barista pointed in the appropriate direction. "It's really nice. My fiancée and I go there."

"Yeah," came a voice from behind, "but watch out for that assistant pastor. He's crazy."

Loki turned toward a small, round table and scrutinized the man who had inserted himself into the conversation, miffed.

But the girl behind the counter didn't seem bothered at all. She simply laughed. "That would be Assistant Pastor Wilkes, trying to be funny."

"And succeeding. Call me Jason." He ran a hand through his short, dark brown hair and smiled, blue eyes lit up with something, though Loki wasn't sure what. "Are you looking for a church to marry in, spend Christmas in, join, all of the above, or none of the above?"

"We just—"

"We are not looking to get married." Loki half growled the phrase. "We just have some questions." One question, really, but questions often led to further questions.

Jason held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, but the smile never left his face. "Oof. Touched a nerve, there. My bad." He gestured to the table he was seated at. "Come join me, and I'll see if I can answer your questions."

Natasha gave Loki a hard side-eye. "Was that necessary?"

Loki held up his hands and slid into the chair to the left. "I only wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings."

Natasha continued to glare but sat down nonetheless.

Jason smiled at them and then looked at the girl behind the counter. "Imani, can I get another peppermint mocha? They can get whatever they want. I'll buy." He rested his arms on the table and leaned forward slightly. "So. Questions?"

Loki cleared his throat and leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. "It is my understanding that your God became human and died for humanity. I want to know why."

"Well," Jason started. "God required sacrifices to pay for—"

Loki shook his head. "No, I understand the premise of sacrifice." He was pretty sure all gods required sacrifices. "But why? That is to say…" he trailed off so Jason could thank the server for his drink, "…why did your God provide the sacrifice?"

Jason sipped his mocha and started to speak as Natasha ordered for herself and Loki. "He knew we couldn't do it ourselves." He laughed softly. "I don't know if you've noticed, but humanity and perfection don't exactly go hand-in-hand."

Loki sighed and shook his head again. "No, you aren't understanding me. I mean…" He struggled with his words for a moment. "What was His motive? Why would He want to save humanity?"

Jason's expression lit up with understanding. "Ah. That why." He took another drink. "He did it because He loves us."

Loki arched a brow, neither impressed nor satisfied with the answer. "God loves you." It wasn't a question, but his tone made it sound like one.

"Yes, He does. Not just me, either. God loves everyone." Jason took another drink and smacked his lips together. "But I don't think that's the answer you're looking for. What you really want to know is why God would bother. We are, after all, a pretty sucky species. We never listen to the rules He gives us, we tend to do whatever we want, we keep passing laws to encourage behavior we know is wrong, and we just love disrespecting Him. So, why bother with humanity?"

Loki rested his chin in his hand and nodded, vaguely aware of a drink being slid beneath his nose. "That's the length and width of it, yes."

"Long and short," Natasha corrected, following it with a quick word of thanks to Imani.

"Yes, yes, fine." Loki waved it off and kept his eyes on Jason. "Tell me, why does your God love humanity?"

"He doesn't need a reason to love us." Jason shrugged. "He made us. We're His kids. Fathers don't need a reason to love their kids."

Loki half laughed, half scoffed. "Of course they do. They don't love disobedient children or children who disappoint and fail to meet expectations."

Jason stared at him for a moment, and then his smile faded slightly. He pressed his lips together, a sort of sadness going into his eyes. "They're supposed to."

Loki leaned back, feeling cornered by the emotion—was that pity?—in Jason's eyes. "I…" He glanced at Natasha, but her expression was similar.

"It's okay. I understand," Jason said softly.

Loki looked back at him and opened his mouth to object—to explain there was nothing to understand—but Jason didn't give him a chance.

"My dad is a lot like that. I don't know if you know this, but pastors don't make a lot of money. My dad is an atheist who wanted his son to be a doctor or a lawyer, and he got me instead. I decided to go to seminary and become a pastor… a little over thirteen years ago. When I told him, he kicked me out and told me never to come back. Hasn't spoken to me since." Jason gave a smile, this one softer than his others, less to show friendliness and more to show understanding. "It wasn't pity on my face, I promise. I hate the pity look. I wouldn't give you that. But I do empathize."

Loki didn't quite know what to say to that. He hadn't realized how much he tipped his hand. "So… uh, so, you say your God does what a father should do. He loves his children without reserve or condition."

Jason nodded. "Exactly. Nothing we do can make God stop loving us. It doesn't mean there aren't rules and consequences for breaking them, and it doesn't mean we shouldn't try to please Him, it just means the love and forgiveness don't end."

Loki frowned, taking a sip of his minty, bittersweet beverage. "Surely there are some things. Murder, rape, kidnapping…"

Jason shook his head. "All sin, all wrong, all forgiven. He loves us anyway."

Loki shook his head in disbelief. "That doesn't make sense."

Jason leaned back in his chair, gesturing to the empty space between them. "Nothing about God's love makes sense. That's the best thing about it."

Loki let his mouth hang open for a moment, words dancing on his tongue, torn between incredulous laughter and arguing. "So, there's nothing—you're telling me your God would forgive and love a... a…" he looked around and then skyward, feigning contemplation so his train of thought wasn't too obvious, "…an assassin. Or, ah, that man that brought the aliens to New York. He killed hundreds of people, and you're telling me if he went to church and repented, your God would forgive him."

Jason shook his head. "No, I'm telling you God already forgave him. God knew what he was going to do before he knew he was going to do it, and God chose to love and forgive him anyway."

"And what exactly did I do to deserve that? Hmm?" Loki stared the pastor man down, vaguely aware of his raising voice. "What was so redeemable about that man?"

"Nothing." Jason held up his hands in a gesture of helplessness. "He didn't do anything to deserve it. Nobody does. There's nothing redeemable about him, or you, or your friend, or me, or anyone. That's the beautiful part."

Loki stared at his drink, silent. He took a sip and continued to gaze downward, eyes somewhat glazed. But it doesn't make sense. He wet his lips and swallowed, biting down on his tongue.

"You should come to our Christmas Eve service. Well," Jason laughed, "you should come to all our services, but if you only come to one, you should come on Christmas Eve."

Loki wet his lips again and nodded. "I'll consider it." He didn't know what else to say.

Jason looked at Loki for a moment, and then he got to his feet. "Hold on just a second."

Loki glanced up at Jason but ultimately turned his attention back to his drink, speaking to Natasha without looking at her. "Tell me it makes no sense to you, either."

Natasha was silent for a moment, but Loki couldn't see any expressions or body language while staring at his cup. "I have accepted that good things don't make sense. Agent Barton leaving me alive… bringing me back with him. That doesn't make sense." Her clothing rustled, like maybe she shrugged. "It doesn't make sense to me, no, but I embrace it. I have to."

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but Jason returned and rekindled the earlier conversation.

"I want you to take this." Jason pushed a leather-bound book across the table, giving it a pat before withdrawing his hand. "I want you to start in first Samuel. Read about David, and while you do, keep in mind that God called David a man after His own heart."

Loki idly traced the writing on the book cover. "I take it he was less than perfect."

"You could say that, yeah." Jason grinned, and there was a mischievous sparkle in his eye. "But aren't we all?"

Loki drummed his fingers, contemplating the book for several moments. He was a god himself, so Midgardian religion didn't appeal to him all that much. Still, it was something to read during his long, long hours of down time in between sessions and work. He couldn't deny a certain curiosity had been piqued, either.

"Very well." Loki pulled the book closer to himself and rested his arm atop it, almost in a silent display of ownership. There were so few things he owned anymore.

"Fantastic!" Jason sipped his mocha, which prompted Loki to do the same, and let out a contended sigh. "That's good stuff." He met Loki's eyes then, and there was something inexplicably striking in his sky blue irises. "And for the record, that guy who tried to take over New York? Loki, I think his name was?"

Loki gave a very slight nod.

"I forgive him, too."

Loki snorted, disdain radiating from every feature. "I can guarantee you, he is not sorry."

"Oh, I know. He might not ever be, but I still forgive him. And I hope, wherever he is, he knows that no matter what, he is loved. Maybe not by someone he knows, maybe not by someone he believes in, but he is loved, completely and unconditionally." Jason smiled a little wider. "And there's nothing he can do to change that."

Loki stared back, and he didn't know why, but the words put a sudden pressure behind his eyes. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, he could feel it aching, but he didn't know why. He didn't know why the forgiveness of a stranger mattered so much.

"He doesn't deserve it," Loki ground out.

"No, he doesn't, and that's okay."

"I can guarantee this isn't the first time he's killed."

"I can agree with that, but I still forgive him."

"What if he killed someone you loved?"

"It would be hard, and it would be painful, but I would still forgive him."

Loki stared for another moment or two, and then he surrendered. He murmured a quiet, 'okay,' and stared down at his beverage some more, trying to process what he had been told. No, it… it doesn't work like this. It isn't this easy. It can't be.

Loki grabbed the book from the table and got to his feet, leaving the café without a word and quickly crossing the street to wait for Natasha out of sight. It took a minute, but she soon appeared in the doorway. He held up a hand so she would notice him—he wasn't trying to run, and he didn't want any increased security measures because she thought he was—and she came across the street to him.

"That was rude," she stated plainly.

"I was done talking," Loki replied, equally simple.

He started to walk again, having no desire to start another conversation. I didn't do anything for him. I didn't give him anything. I didn't suffer. I didn't earn forgiveness. He can't just give it out like that, that isn't how it works, it just isn't.

"I can't believe I agreed to this."

"Tony, if you're going to make this much of a fuss, just go home."

"I have never once been in a church in my life."

Loki looked up at the building, eyes sliding across the concrete structure that looked very much like all the other buildings on the street. Concrete, square, completely devoid of any kind of personality or design or—

"It's… been a long time since I stepped into a church." Bruce slipped his hands into his pockets, watching the people who were trickling inside after some social chatting on the steps. "Steve, are you sure this outfit is okay?"

Steve turned away from arguing with Tony, gesturing to his own jeans, blue sweater, gray scarf, and brown leather jacket. "It's totally fine. You all look great."

Loki glanced at Clint and Natasha, who were both keeping their thoughts on the church service to themselves, a whispered conversation passing between them.

"Come, friends, we do not want to be late." Thor put his hands on his hips, a broad smile lighting his face. "I, for one, am quite excited to learn more about the mythology of Midgard."

Steve winced. "Uh, maybe don't go calling it mythology where people can hear us? To these believers, it's all very real, and we wouldn't want to offend anyone…"

Rolling his eyes, Loki decided to take the initiative and approached the building, cautiously making his way up the steps and going through the double doors. It was homier inside, with tan walls and warm lighting, and there was much more of the 'Christmas spirit' to be found. Garland and tinsel and those large, red flowers he could never remember the name of but quite liked.

"Don't wander off, Levi."

Loki looked to his left and found a suspicious Clint watching him, arms crossed over his chest. "I didn't wander off. I came into the church, where you could clearly see me, and where we had already decided we were going."

Clint glared.

Loki glared back.

"Wow, it's pretty packed in here." Steve pushed between the two of them, pretending he was just making his way into the main room of the church. "I hope we'll be able to find seats that let us all sit together."

Loki let his attention shift from Clint to his other surroundings, footsteps carrying him through another set of double doors. Immediately, everything was opened up, with a very high ceiling and a second level that appeared to contain balconies of some sort.

"We might have to go upstairs…" Steve trailed, looking out over the many, many chairs that were arranged in front of a stage.

What is that? Loki squinted as he started to weave through the crowd, making his way toward the odd display on the righthand side of the stage. It looks like people… in a shack perhaps? He stopped when he was completely blocked by churchgoers, but they soon went their way, and he was able to continue toward the front of the church. He noticed there were also trees with golden lights on the stage, but he was familiar with those. It's… a baby?

Loki put his hands on the stage and leaned forward slightly, green eyes skimming the man and woman kneeling next to a bed made of wood and straw. It had a baby in it. And Loki hadn't the faintest idea why.

"Levi!"

Trying not to startle obviously, Loki straightened up and looked to the left in time to see both Natasha and Pastor Wilkes approaching him. Jason lifted a hand in greeting, a warm smile spread on his lightly bearded face.

"I'm glad you were able to make it."

"Oh, yes. I've been anticipating it for days." Loki wasted no time in getting what he wanted, a finger pointing to the decorations while his eyes remained on Jason. "There's a baby."

Jason seemed confused. "Yes?"

"Why is there a baby?" Loki begged the question he thought was rather obvious.

Jason slipped his hands into his jean pockets. "Well, that's Jesus."

Loki blinked. "Your God? He didn't come as Himself? He came as a baby?"

"Yup. Sorry, you seemed kinda familiar with the basic concepts, so I assumed you knew the Christmas story already." Smiling again, Jason nodded toward the baby. "He wanted to become one of us. He had to live a perfect life while dealing with all the things humanity deals with. Pain, temptation, mortality, weakness, fear…"

Increasingly bewildered, Loki pretended he understood and offered a faint nod. "Yes, well…" He cleared his throat. "Natasha. Shall we catch up with the others?"

"Sure." Natasha looked at Jason with a slight smile on her lips. "We're happy to be here. I look forward to your sermon."

Laughing, Jason rubbed the back of his neck. "Don't set your expectations too high. Normally the senior pastor does the Christmas Eve service, but he's sick, so it's fallen to me rather unexpectedly." He opened his mouth to continue but stopped short, looking at a clock on the far wall. "Oh, it's actually almost time. I gotta go." He gave them both a thumbs up. "Super excited that you're here!"

"Thank you," Natasha said kindly.

Loki didn't respond. He just watched Pastor Wilkes leave and then started walking back the way he had come. "I assume it's this way?"

"Yup."

They walked in silence, Natasha eventually leading him up a couple flights of stairs to what he assumed was one of the balconies. It took a little searching, but they found the rest of the Avengers and seated themselves, with Loki ending up between Natasha and Steve near the end of the row.

It started, and Loki remained out of his element, not even bothering to try and sing along with the admiration of believers. He glanced down the row and saw Tony and Clint keeping equally silent, while Bruce, Steve, and Thor at least tried to follow the words on the large screen above the stage. It was interesting, and he briefly wondered if it was common for believers in Norse gods to sing to them as well. If it was, he wondered what kinds of songs they were.

Soon, they were sitting down, and they remained quiet while some performances took place—a children's choir, a duet, a solo—and then Jason took the stage. He started talking about the Christmas story, filling in more details about the way God had chosen to come to Earth. He talked about the purpose of the divine intervention—the sacrifice, finally, something that made sense—and then he started talking about love.

Love that was unconditional. Love that was passionate and fiery and couldn't be extinguished by anything. Love that prevailed, no matter the circumstances. Love from a Father, love for His children, love that extended to everyone.

"Levi!" Steve harsh whispered, trying to catch Loki's arm as he rushed past.

Loki ignored him, pulling his arm free and marching up the aisle of chairs. He kept his head down with his fists clenched at his sides and rushed to the stairs, down them, through the lobby, and out into the bitter cold.

I don't understand. This isn't real. This isn't real. He didn't even exist, and yet—and yet—he reached up, combing his hands through his hair, panting slightly—and yet, I can't shake this feeling of…

"Loki."

Composing himself as quickly as he could, Loki took a deep breath, but he didn't turn to face Natasha with one of his many, many masks on. He just kept facing the street, head tilted down, waiting to see what she would do.

"Loki." She just said his name again. It wasn't a question, it wasn't a demand for an explanation, it wasn't anything but his name.

Loki screwed his eyes shut and uttered a quiet, almost fragile summation of everything roiling inside of him. "I have never been loved like that."

For a moment, there was nothing, but then Natasha's voice came again, a soft smile in her words. "Oh, I don't know about that."

His eyes snapped open, and he turned his head to look at her, anger in his chest, lips ready to argue that she didn't know what she was talking about. But then he saw her nod toward the church, so he slowly turned, and he felt something catch in his throat when he faced the front doors.

Thor stood in the doorway, pressed against the frame as if he were trying to hide behind it, and even though Loki wasn't close enough to make it out, he knew there was worry in those bright blue eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Thor retreated into the building, giving Loki his space, doing what had been asked of him and respecting Loki's boundaries.

Thor…

Immediately, his usual thoughts of bitterness and resentment surged to the surface, igniting old fires that had never truly died, but those flames were quickly cooled by his more recent memories.

But will he still love you when you finish unlocking your seals and escape?

It took a moment, but Loki started to wonder if… maybe… he would. Maybe Thor would understand why Loki desperately needed his magic, and maybe there was enough forgiveness left in Thor's heart for this latest transgression. Maybe someone did love him unconditionally.

"Let's go back inside. It's cold out here."

Loki nodded without a word, and they made their way back inside. When they got to their row, Loki started pushing past the Avengers, not really giving them any option but to move down a seat. He then turned and plopped down in the chair he wanted, Thor sitting on his right, and he put his attention back on the sermon. He didn't look at Thor. He didn't speak to him.

Thor didn't make any attempts of his own, and if it weren't for a subtle shift in his seat, Loki wouldn't have even known he was there. They existed in some kind of wordless harmony, sitting shoulder to shoulder, and for the first time in a long time, it felt right.

Maybe he will forgive me. Maybe there really is nothing I can do to…

Taking a breath and keeping his eyes on the stage, Loki leaned to the right and opened his mouth. "Merry Christmas, you moron."

Thor chuckled softly, and even though Loki knew he wanted nothing more than to put his arm around his brother, he kept his hands to himself. "Merry Christmas, Loki."

And Loki smiled.

Author's Note: Hey! I recently posted to my website a list of stories I'm working on but haven't posted yet. If you're interested, message me and I can help you get to the list. I'd love to hear what you guys want to see next!