One Christmas (it as the Christmas after the last Christmas story because that one took place one year ago) dakoolguy was crying. Why? Because his (me's) parents were evil trolls and they took all his (my's) Christmas presents away.

"HELP ME ACE ATTORNEY FRIENDS" I cried in the darkness of my room.

Then my black Nintendo DSi shook and hopped off my shelf and opened on the floor. Magical light spilled out like a genie's lamp as it unhinged itself. I watched in awe and Christmas cheer as John Phoenix, Uncle Phoenix, Miles Edgeworth, Godot, Winston Payne, Redd White, Adam Mada, and every other Ace Attorney character from AA1 to AA4 appeared out of the DS. AA5 and AA6 are non-canon.

"What's wrong dakoolguy?" asked my best friend Miles Edgeword.

"MY PARENT'S STOLE CHRISTMAS" I cried.

Everyone gasped.

"No!" cried Mia and Lana. They ran over and started kissing me.

"Why, this is an outrage!" said the Judge.

"Yeah!" said Uncle Phoenix.

I slapped him.

"Shut up, you bitch" I said. "Are you John Phoenix? No? Then who the hell told you you could talk? If it's not John Phoenix I don't care about it. He's the new protagonist of Ace Attorney so you need to BE QUIET and let him talk. It's not fair that you're trying to steal the games away from him. Your worst than Takeshi Yamazaki and reddit combined. He stole the games from Shu Tamuki BUT YOUR STEALING THE GAMES FROM JOHN PHOENIX WHICH IS WORST I HATE YOU"

"Well said, dakoolguy," said Edgeworth nobly. "Now John Phoenix, use your psychic powers and solve this case! Because I suspect this is a trial!"

John Phoenix used his psychic powers and solved the trial.

"It's as I suspected," said John Phoenix. "Your parents have been replaced by evil people. They aren't your real parents. They are merely impersonators. That's why they stole Christmas. We will have to kill them."

He handed me an axe.

"Gulp... okay... I don't know if I'm brave enough..."

All my Ace Attormey friends laid a hand on my shoulder. I almost staggered under the combined weight of so many hands.

"Don't worry dakoolguy we will help you" said them all.

So I crept down the hall and stood over my parent's bed with the axe. I tried to lift it but I couldn't.

"I... I can't..."

"Don't worry dakoolguy we will help you find the courage" said my Ace Attornet friends from Ace Attorney World AKA Attorneydale (that's what their version of Los Angeles is called, NOT Japanifornia that's stupid)

They all helped me lift the axe above my head.

"Thank you" I said

I chopped my fake parents up with the axe, and guess what I found, that's right, MICROCHIPS AND CIRCUITBOARDS

"Just as I suspected," said John Phoenix. "Evil robots."

"So I have committed no crime in the eyes of God?" asked me.

"Of course not!" said the adult women of Ace Attorney who aren't dead. They started kissing me. "You were right to kill them!"

"You are a hero, dakoolguy,' said Edgeworth.

"Of course, there's still the matter of your REAL parents." said John Poheinx.

To be conitnuerd?