It's My Life
Two days had passed since Harry's little talk with Minerva where she gave him things that didn't make sense, all from Albus. Harry never did open that box. Or read the letter. He really didn't care. Harry tossed the box of gifted items in his closet and let it out of his mind. While he was at school, his focus was on his job as a teacher. Harry had been thinking about Minerva's offer to take over her place as Gryffindor's head of house, but hadn't fully decided yet. Harry wasn't seen much through Saturday, or much of today, Sunday, the 8th.
Harry had been holed up in his office, working on grading papers and trying to not be stressed. Lord, he thought a lot was expected of him as a student. Much worse as an adult. Harry didn't just have school things to worry about, there was still a matter of a dark lord that needed destroying and Harry needed to figure out the hidden soul pieces thing. Harry found himself much too busy to do his normal research, but Remus, Narcissa, and Lucius were trying to help by doing some looking around at the manor or tracking down leads on the subject. Harry was immensely grateful for their assistance.
Right now, Harry was sitting up in his office and going over summer work. Harry knew those grades had to be finished by the end of the first month of school and there was so much to go through. Harry usually did them on the weekend to allow himself time to do regular assignments and homework during the week.
When the summer things were done, it wouldn't be so bad to grade. It was just extra right now. Harry was working on his fourth year students' work, and about half-way through the pile. Harry put his quill down to massage his hand and wrist, then rubbed his eyes before moving the finished sheet to his designated done pile and pulling the next one.
"Harry?" Asked Severus's voice. "You here?" The man inquired.
"Up in my office, Dad." Harry replied.
It was moments later when Severus came through the doorway to see the mess his son was in of grading. Severus knew the tell-tale signs of being overwhelmed, he felt the same years ago when he first started at the potions professor. "You look like you need a drink." Severus chuckled.
"Already had one," Harry lifted his empty glass off the desk and then set it back down. "What brings you by?"
"Do I need a reason to come see my son?" Severus asked.
"I suppose not," Harry replied. "But you don't usually start the conversation with me needing a drink, so that makes me feel like you came with a reason. I'm going with you felt you needed to come check on me."
"I suppose I need to stop underestimating your perception." Severus chuckled. "No one's seen you for a couple days. Minerva and the others were worried, but didn't want to invade your space. It's not as if you're a student anymore that they can pull aside to ask if you're alright."
"Well, they could do that. I wouldn't take offense to it." Harry shrugged. "I've been here doing this," He motioned to the papers. "So did they vote for you to come to check on me?"
"No. I offered and had planned to come anyway. Minerva mentioned she asked something of you on Friday night, and you'd been quiet since." Severus mentioned. "Why don't you take a break from that, come talk to your old man about what's on your mind?"
"What is it with all of you other teachers thinking you're old?" Harry snorted. "Some, I get…But Dad, you're not that old. You're what, in your thirties?"
"Around there." Severus nodded. "Come, take a break and sit with me."
"I have too much to get done before tomorrow." Harry told him.
"You might be a teacher, and an adult…But you're still my son, Harry. Take the break. You'll appreciate it later." Severus stated. "Just fifteen or twenty minutes?"
"Okay," Harry finished the one he was working on and moved it over, then he got away from the desk and stretched. "Want a drink?"
"As long as you have one with me." Severus agreed. Harry got another glass and then added ice to it before pouring the beverage into both glasses and gave a cup to his father. "Went off to Hogs Head to pick up some drinks for the office?" He asked.
"No, home. You know there's a liquor room in the basement, don't you?" Harry stated.
"I did not, but I do now." Severus smiled. "Talk to me, Harry…I'd hope that you feel you still can despite being a teacher and adult now."
"Of course I can, Dad…It's just been busy is all." Harry responded. "I'm still mourning Sirius, wondering about these soul pieces with Voldemort. There's the work of being a teacher…Now with what Minerva asked me." He sighed. "I'm not going to lie…Right now, I feel like I made the wrong choice to take NEWTs early and become the teacher here. I should be used to all the craziness in my life, but…I think I might have bit off more than I can chew. This is also with the fact it seems the whole school, with the exception of a few, hate me."
"Well, let's examine things for a moment. Mourning Sirius, that's to be expected. You lost him so suddenly in his sacrifice to save you. In that, there is sadness, anger, and guilt. You may not admit to things, but your godfather knew well what you'd do. He said it to Remus in the letter, not to let you blame yourself. Anger was displayed when you went after Bellatrix and Voldemort. And sadness, that is in the loss itself." Severus informed. "You're feeling everything expected to feel and it's perfectly normal, Harry." He added. "It's…Human nature. It's okay to be upset about what happened. I've told you this before. It's okay to be upset, to need a moment or two alone. It's okay to remember the past, as long as you can return to the present and keep going towards the future."
Harry nodded in understanding. "You only lost Sirius a little over two months ago. You are by no means expected to have just gotten over that. Some loss stays with us for a long time, forever even. I never got over losing your mother, and what gets me through is knowing you're still here. That I still have you in my life, more than I ever expected you would be. I had always sworn to protect you, but gaining you as a son? That wasn't part of the plan. It just happened and I am forever happy about it. You too, Harry, have people still in your life that love you. You are not alone." Severus paused.
"As for the soul pieces, I understand they are a vital part of fulfilling the prophecy…But if you start to obsess over them too much, my son…You will end up going down a dark path. You will end up like Voldemort, who just wants power. End up like Albus, corrupted and blinded by one thing. You'll lose sight of reality…Please don't destroy yourself trying to put an end to Voldemort. The time will come, everything will fall into place."
"I still have to be ready for it, Dad…" Harry sighed. "Voldemort cannot die without those pieces destroyed. The next time he decides to fight me, as you said once, my lifeline of coming back was used a couple months ago. He can very much kill me…I have to stop him before he tries to stop me. I can't ignore that…Destroying Voldemort is priority one, not just so he can't come after me anymore, but everyone's safety."
"I know, son. I know…But don't be blinded by desire." Severus said. "I told you, you're not alone. We'll figure it out. Please don't stress yourself about this…You have the upper hand. Voldemort probably doesn't think anyone knows about his split soul."
"I guess you're right." Harry replied.
"For everything else…Yes, being a teacher can be overwhelming. It takes some getting used to. Believe it or not, when I started; I behaved just like you. Feeling like I took on something I shouldn't have. Harry, you say you shouldn't have made the choice you did…But remember that it was you who made it. Why did you?"
"I…" He paused. "I guess I…Believed I could do it if so many others did. Like you, Minerva, the other teachers…I was told more than once that I could be great. Ollivander said everyone could expect great things from me. The hat said Slytherin would lead me on the way to greatness. I guess when I took everything into account…I don't know; it felt right, at the time. Maybe it still does, I love it…It's just hard." Harry explained.
"Nothing in life comes easy, my boy. Everything is a constant challenge, a fight. This is one you chose to rise to. So fight. You've defeated Basilisks, taken on werewolves, dementors, trolls. death eaters. You have defeated Lord Voldemort himself on multiple occasions. You said you did this because you believed you could, don't doubt yourself now." Severus informed. "Listen to me. I promise you, son…It gets easier once you find something that works for you." He added. "And learn to take breaks." He added with a smile. "It will do you wonders."
"I feel like it'll get better when I finish the summer assignment grading. But I can't sacrifice one for the other..." Harry stated.
"Of course not, but I think if you use that Slytherin brain of yours, son…You'll find a more effective method to grading your summer things with the school term work…" Severus hinted.
The realization dawned on Harry. "Oh my god…You're so right. Why the hell didn't I think of that before…"
"Because you hyper focus, Harry. You focus on one thing rather than the whole picture. When you see everything, you find the solution." Severus chuckled. "Grade during classes. If your students are working quietly in their books, take a seat at your desk downstairs and work then. Grade during lunch hour too. Just make sure that your friends and boyfriend don't see it. Or don't work on their things in front of them. And most importantly, while the most helpful…Grade according to priority."
"Grade in the order of your scheduled classes. So that the ones you'll need first are done for morning classes and then move onto other ones." He suggested. "Also…Make your job just a little easier by perhaps not assigning homework on some days. Remember that you're the one giving yourself the extra work by assigning the work that needs to be graded." The man winked.
"I will definitely try that." Harry nodded. "Thanks, Dad…I'm sorry for still needing you as an adult."
"Never apologize for needing help, or me, Harry. I'm your father, it's my job. And I'm a co-worker too. Everyone needs help sometimes and I always want you to come to me if you have a problem you can't figure out. I don't care what it is…I want to know and I'll do all I can to help." Severus assured. "Now, what's this last thing that Minerva asked of you?"
"She feels like she's spread a bit too thin with all her positions. Headmistress, teacher, member of the order…" Harry informed. "She asked if I might be able to take something off her hands to help lighten the load."
"What was that?" Severus questioned.
"Minerva asked if I'd be willing to take her place, as Gryffindor's head of house…" Harry remarked. "Sparing all the in-between of that back and forth…I told her I needed a couple days to think about it and would give her an answer tomorrow at breakfast."
"Have you…Come to that decision?" Severus asked.
"No. I said I'd be happy to help her out. I get taking on too much…But most of the people who are pissed at me right now, are in Gryffindor. I started at Hogwarts with them, and four years of it before being re-sorted. Even with that, we stayed pretty close. Things started to change when it came out I was gay and dating Draco. More changed when I became their teacher…But head of house? I feel like it's pushing the envelope of a full on riot of why I'm granted so much…I'm sure the rumors have made their way to other teachers, that I bribed my way into testing early. That I paid my way to get those scores. That I'm doing it all for attention and fame…" Harry sighed.
"Are you, though, Harry? Did you do it all for recognition? Have the title of youngest teacher? Did you slip money to anyone?" Severus asked.
"No! Of course not, Dad!" Harry gasped.
"Then why are you worried about the rumors started by some jealous teenagers?" Severus smiled. "They're just talking to talk because they're jealous. You know it's not true and so do we all. Harry, you do what you want to do. Merlin knows even before your adulthood being marked at sixteen…You did what you wanted without caring what others would think. You fought for this freedom. These are your choices because it is your life." He stated. "I'm going to give you a piece of advice that my mother, long ago, told me. Alright?" Harry nodded. "Never forget what and who you are. The rest of the world will not...Wear it like armor so that it can never be used to hurt you." He paused. "You know who and what you are, Harry."
Harry looked at his father, right in his eyes. "You are Harry James Potter-Snape-Prince-Black. You are a lord to the Potter, Slytherin, and Black names. You are heir to the Snape and Prince lines. You are a fully trained wizard, legal adult, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher with two Mastery of the Art certificates in Potions and Defense. You are the one prophesied to vanquish the dark lord." Severus told him firmly. "Embrace it…Own it, Harry."
Harry sighed softly, smiling, and then hugging his father. "Thanks, Dad…You're the best. I love you."
"I love you too, son. I don't know if I'm the best, but I will do my best for you." Severus said.
"You're the best to me, and the only father I've ever known. My birth father died before I had real memories of him and then Sirius…I know he adopted me as his son, but he was always an uncle to me. Same with Remus." Harry admitted. "I've seen my birth father and mother as more than pictures maybe three times in my life. The mirror of Erised in first year, when their souls or whatever came out of Voldemort's wand in fourth year, and just a couple months ago when I saw them in limbo. You're the one who has been watching over and protecting me all my life. You took me in, adopted me…You are my father, Dad." He informed.
Severus hugged Harry back. "You're such a sweet boy…So much like your mother. I don't know how I didn't see it before." He kissed his son's forehead. "There will never be enough apologies for how I treated you over the years, nor enough thanks for the fact you have forgiven me." Severus said.
"Let's be honest, before the blood adoption…I easily passed for James Potter." Harry chuckled. "You didn't like seeing your bully. I know it wasn't me, but when you graduated, you probably never wanted to see him again. Then I walk in and it's like he never left. I get it, don't worry. I'm just glad we got over the past, and look where we are now? Father and son. Co-workers."
"It is rather amazing." Severus agreed. "Have I helped you be less stressed with all this? I hope so."
"Yes, it helped. I feel infinitely better than before you came into the room." Harry nodded. "And I made my choice."
"And that is?" Severus asked.
"I'm going to accept Minerva's request and be Gryffindor's head of house…" Harry said.
"That means we're now competing for the house cup." Severus stated.
"If Gryffindor can't get itself together, there isn't really a competition, Dad. Honestly, they haven't won since that first year when Albus granted last minute points. The rest of the years, exams have been canceled and so has the cup victor. Something always happens." Harry said. "Either way, it doesn't really matter. If I were running the school…I'd just do away with it altogether. There's really no point in having a winning house if you want the students to get along and stop being so diverse. It's fine to separate into groups based on traits…But that shouldn't mean you stick to your house only and end of story." He shrugged.
"I see your point, but nothing wrong with a little friendly competition either. Minerva and I take bets on who's quidditch team will win during matches." Severus stated.
"I know." Harry replied as he got up and went to his desk to write a quick letter to Minerva, saying he'd accept her request of him being the new head of house for Gryffindor. "Hedwig," Harry said as his owl came to him. "Can you take this to Headmistress McGonagall for me?" The bird chirped and rubbed her face to Harry's cheek before taking the letter and gliding out of the office, then the classroom. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled to announce it later at dinner."
"I would have to assume so." Severus nodded. "Now…Tell me how you're liking being a teacher." He asked.
Harry laughed a little and poured another drink for his father and himself as Harry began to tell him about how the first week had been teaching his classes. Harry felt better talking to his father, like a weight had been lifted slightly and he could breathe easier. Harry really needed to learn to not keep everything inside, learn to calm down and relax before he ended up blacking out one of these days. Harry went on and on telling his father about the lessons he'd given, the fun with the younger students, and the bits of where he had to take points and punish.
The two just sat and talked, Severus knew Harry needed it. Severus would do anything if it meant seeing his son be alright and smiling again; he'd been worried the last two days when Harry wasn't ever seen, not even during meals. At first, Severus thought Harry was sick, but after talking with the other staff members, Severus understood that Harry was likely overwhelmed and he'd been right, which meant he needed to be in dad mode to make sure Harry was alright and get the boy to talk about how he felt. With all that now taken care of, Harry was doing fine and nothing made Severus happier.