#009. 2004年7月10日 {Aizawa Shuichi}
The dungeon is in a car park in the middle of the city, one that's closed down because of some construction hassle. Except not really. Because L bought it, and he doesn't plan to do anything with it except hold Kira. Yagami Light. You don't know if he's Kira, and part of you hopes he is, because that would make sense of everything; it would mean everything you're doing has a purpose.
Except that, just as much, you hope he isn't.
Kira's started killing again. Four whole weeks ago. Surely that has to be enough. For any ordinary detective, that would be enough.
L is the furthest thing from an ordinary detective.
There's a small corridor. Two rooms in it. One is the dungeon, the other is your office, and it doesn't escape your notice that both look pretty much exactly the same, except that yours has a desk and a chair and Yagami's has a bed and a toilet. There's a real bathroom at the end of the hall, closet-sized, and as windowless as your office, and once (only once) you'd brought up the possibility of letting Light use it.
"What would be the purpose of that, Aizawa-san?" L had asked, looking at you unblinkingly. "He is already locked up. Cell or corridor, it's the same thing."
It's not the same thing, you'd wanted to scream. But Matsuda and Mogi had been watching the exchange with interest, and you know you've already got a reputation as a hot-headed guy. You can't insist on every little thing, or when it comes down to what you really need to complain about, it won't make an effect anymore.
It's becoming harder and harder to figure out what you really need to complain about.
You've picked up a bag of dried squid in the city. It's a snack rather than a proper lunch, but Eriko had stopped packing you lunch three weeks ago. She doesn't hide her anger at the fact that you're never home anymore.
You walk back past the parks, though you look at them longingly; it's a beautiful July day, sunny and warm without being sweltering and not a cloud in the sky—a rare miracle in the middle of the rainy season. When you worked in the police station you would've taken yourself to a bench somewhere for your lunch break on a day like this…
But every time you've tried since the Kira investigation started, no, since Light being locked up started, you'd felt a lingering unease that had increased until you couldn't enjoy even the birds and the sounds of people walking along, enjoying the afternoon. It's Saturday. Everyone's out and about. Tourists are taking pictures and speaking in languages you don't understand, that roll over your ears like burbles of cheerful noise. You should be with your family.
But if Light is Kira, and you leave him alone for a moment longer than necessary, and something happens… how could you ever forgive yourself? And if Light isn't Kira…
Either way. He's your responsibility. L made him your responsibility. You're the only one on the taskforce besides L and Watari who knows the location of the secret dungeon. You took Light there and locked him up; you carry out each and every one of L's meticulous rules every day: three meals. Make sure he's clean and hygienic but you can't take the cuffs off. No, not even to change clothes. No leaving the cell (though that should go without saying). A cup and a spoon, a fucking spoon, every time. Even though you know Light can't use it if he wants to eat by himself, and why shouldn't he? It's not too much to give him, that moment of privacy. Even if he is a murderer. Every time you look at him you're less sure. You feel like you're seeing not the boy himself but images upon images created by L and your own expectations, by knowing about his reputation on the police force as a child prodigy, by the pop star Amane Misa (the Second Kira's) idolization of him.
You walk into the closed-down car park and over to the unobtrusive metal door against one wall. It opens with a key, and when you go inside the flourescents on the ceiling are on and humming; set to a timer. A blank wall is ahead of you. To the right is the side of the corridor that leads to Light's cell. To the left, your office and after that, the bathroom. You go to the left, ripping open your bag and popping a piece of squid into your mouth, and you sit down behind your desk and boot up the monitor on the computer. L and Watari supposedly take night shifts in watching Yagami and L frequently watches the feed during the day too, but technically during the day it's your job.
Light looks okay.
He's lying on the floor on his side with a vacant expression. Muttering something under his breath. You turn up the volume for a moment to hear and it's just mathematical equations. You mute the feed again and use the land-line (your cellphone's a bust down here) to call Mogi.
"Aizawa. Everything okay?"
"Same as ever. You?" It's on speaker, the receiver lying on the desk in front of you. You reach for the bag and pull out another piece of squid. The plastic crackles.
"Don't tell me you're skipping lunch again," Mogi chides.
"Damn bag gave me up, huh?"
"More like I know you too well."
"How's things there?"
"Same as ever. L's on a crossword binge. He had me buying them all morning."
"Fuck him."
Mogi chuckles. "Yeah. The Chief's okay. Checked in earlier."
"I should call in a bit." It can't be easy for the Chief to be locked up like that. Even if he asked for it. Even if he keeps access to his phone.
You've watched the feed from his cell sometimes, too (a nicer one by all means, with a sink in it); from the hotels where L holes up in. It's somewhere else, you don't know where but Mogi does. Supposedly they spend a lot of time playing mahjong. Yeah, Mogi gets inside the cell with him, carts in a card table and everything. Yagami Soichiro isn't the one under suspicion. L didn't give Mogi any rule to 'not interact with the prisoner any more than necessary, and I will be watching.'
Not that you're in any hurry to. The boy could be Kira.
But god. If he isn't…
Either way you're going to regret something.
You're regretting something now. Regretting looking away from the feed and scraping up the last bits of salt and oil from the inside of the bag, because when you look over—
"Damn it. Situation. Call you back later." You press the end call button and leap to your feet. You dash over to the bathroom, grab a folded, clean towel and the soap. The key to the cell is in your pocket, and it takes too long to open the door. It's all over by then anyhow, the boy's wrists are covered in blood.
He's still on his side, and when you kneel down in front of him his head tilts in your direction. You brush the hair out of his eyes.
"Hey Light-kun. Are you with me?" you ask evenly.
"Something wrong?" he says. His words a little slurred. A tiny furrow lands on his brow.
"Handcuffs got you again. There's blood."
"They get sharper and sharper," Light answers vaguely.
"M-hm." More like the boy keeps hurting himself. The first time it had happened you'd called L and screamed in his ear for about half an hour, which had ended with L saying a cold, "calm down Aizawa-san. If you research the effects of solitary confinement on human behavior, you'll find that episodes such as this are in fact quite common. The fact that he doesn't remember hurting himself is also quite normal. There's no cause for concern."
No fucking cause for concern.
That had been the last time you'd called L for help with Light, no matter what happened. Even when Light goes into these terrifying screaming, laughing, or crying fits. You don't need L saying 'it's no cause for concern' again like you're stupid for bothering to care.
It's torture, plain and simple. It's the reason why L gave you direct orders to leave Light alone as much as possible, but actually encourages Mogi to spend time with the Chief. L wants a confession from the Yagami boy.
You want a confession too, but only if it's true.
And even if you get one, you're not sure you'll believe it until you see some hard evidence.
You gently turn Light over onto his stomach. He doesn't protest. You dip the towel in the bucket of water, scrub it with soap and dab along the cuts. Light flinches slightly at the sting of it, but doesn't react otherwise.
And all of a sudden you're sick of it. Sick of being made a prison guard and the implementer of L's sadism. Light might be Kira, but he won't be any more or less Kira if you replace the metal handcuffs with the leather strap you bind him with at night. At least with the strap it would be harder for the kid to hurt himself. So you stand up, leave the cell, locking the door behind you, and bring back the strap, replacing the one with the other: unhooking the cold metal, sliding the cuffs off his abraised skin, and then pulling the soft strap around his wrists and buckling it closed. All the while Light lies on the ground, without moving.
You want to tell him Kira's started killing again. That he'll be out of here soon. That you'll make sure of it.
It's on the tip of your tongue to do so. But if you're wrong. If you feel sorry for him and you screw the case up, make Ukita's death for nothing…
You'll regret something either way.
But this is the one thing you can't do.
(Not yet.)
.
.
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