Chapter 127:
Laxus awoke cold and alone, immediately aware he shouldn't be and immediately concerned. He jolted up, stunned into stillness at seeing a fire smoldering not far away, dying from wet branches that didn't quite catch. He was covered in a blanket, threw it off of him and stood. He shivered, a flush of warmth ebbing across his body but lacking ferocity. Was it the chill in the air that kept it or just that he hadn't quite gathered his strength from earlier? He looked around him, observing places where his lightning had touched the trees, marring them. The air still held magic, shifting like glitter to the ground, flittering on the air like dust.
Where was Gajeel?
His heart clenched. Had he... left?
Their duffel was laying to the side, having been rifled through and with some of their items strewn about clumsily. His bag of iron was gone, Laxus realized, but none of his personal belongings. He furrowed his brow, confused. He didn't want him walking around alone after last night, though the reason for it escaped him. Possessiveness, still? He didn't trust his own motivations anymore, not now. That didn't stop him from sniffing at the air to try and track him down, though. And he did, following a scent that leaned far too close to copper coins to be good. His stomach twisted. Blood.
He walked through tall ferns that sprouted between the twisted roots of the casraine trees and found himself at the edge of the lake. The smell of water, of sulfur. A hot spring? He ran his gaze over the mist that clung to the center of it, proving the temperature was much higher there than the rest of the lake. It was mystifying, but he didn't have time to admire its tranquil beauty. He looked down one side of the lake and immediately spotted the raven, his concern hitching upward at the sight of his chest heaving, his head lolled back towards his shoulder, and a paleness to his skin he didn't usually have. Laxus rushed over to him, stricken by the site of red in the water.
"Gajeel...! What...?" words fled him and his eyes widened. He swallowed hard.
He had four deep gauges on his leg, running the length of his outer thigh almost to his knees. They bled heavily, turning the water around him a washed-out crimson. Deep carmine eyes rolled over to him, harsh and angry. Gajeel was immediately annoyed. He had slipped away fairly quietly earlier, started a fire before he started feeling weakness ebb into his limbs, and limped his way out here. The cold water stemmed the blood flow and he'd been slowly eating iron, regaining his strength. He'd never tell Laxus, but he was a much sorrier sight earlier. He'd stitched up his other side, was working on starting this one. If he'd just had an hour more, the blonde would have never known he was so severely injured.
"Laxus..." Gajeel said, his voice muddied with his fatigue but still holding a clear warning.
"I... did that?" he breathed, glancing at his hands and then staring. He hadn't even paid attention, but his fingers were coated in dried blood. In his worry and haste, he hadn't considered what was on them. He'd just needed to find Gajeel. He felt his color drain, "Mavis' sakes..."
"Stop, now," Gajeel growled and it startled Laxus all over again. He huffed and pointed a finger up at him. They lacked talons, but the point was still clear, "You ruin last night fer me, and I'll give you ones to match. And mine will be worse."
Laxus's brow furrowed, giving a dubious look, "This... this isn't ok."
"Stop freakin' out," Gajeel muttered, fiddling with something in his hands. Green sparks flitted away from his fingers and he made a long motion with his hands, drawing out thin string of silver. A suture, Laxus realized, something he had done for him once. "I'll show ya a magic trick."
He watched him pinch skin together, push the needle in without a flinch, draw it through and make a tight loop. Laxus's heart ached terribly. Gajeel was putting on a brave face, but he wasn't infallible. His jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowing when he pulled the stitch tight.
Don't freak out...
Gajeel didn't want him to worry over him. His mate, injured, stitching himself back together while Laxus watched, and he wasn't allowed to worry over him. He shored up his resolve and took a tentative step into the water, surprised that it wasn't frigid. It wasn't warm, but not shocking. He waded next to him and sat down, shivering as the water lapped up to his navel.
"Let me help at least... please." he said, reaching forward gently. Gajeel gave him a look, but he was tired and in pain. He let out a long breath and handed the needle over. "I've never done this before."
"They ain't gotta be pretty, just close together." Gajeel muttered, his head rolling back again. His eyes fluttered shut, his chest presented towards the early dawn sky as he leaned back onto his elbows. His long hair puddled into the water, the ends of it slipping beneath the surface. "Lemme know when yer done."
Laxus lifted his knee and gently placed it into his lap so he could work easier, sewing him together the only way he knew how, looping the wire again and again as he worked down the lacerations. Gajeel never flinched, never pulled from him even when he forgot to warn him he was moving to the next gash. He trailed his eyes over to his other leg as he worked, noting how Gajeel had already stitched it, the sutures much neater than his were, practiced. How many times had he been forced to stitch himself back together?
"You do this a lot?" he asked, trying to push away his gnawing guilt.
"Mmh..." he sighed, a noise that made gooseflesh slope up Laxus's shoulders. He cursed himself, rubbed cold water onto his chest and let out a held breath. "Phantom."
"Did Phantom not have an infirmary?" Laxus asked, only a little sarcastic.
Red eyes blinked open, their gaze distant, "Couldn't use it."
"What do you mean you couldn't use it?" Laxus asked, curling his lip, "Why else would they have it?"
The corner of Gajeel's lip quirked, "T's not a fun story, fairy."
"Oh." Laxus replied, focusing back on his task, "Something to do with Jose?"
Gajeel sighed, reaching behind him to fish into his bag of iron scraps. He pulled out a handful of nuts and bolts. Laxus could only guess at where he'd even find such things in the quantity he consumed then. There must be a hardware store that really enjoyed his business. Gajeel popped one into his mouth, rolled it around in his teeth before crunching down on it. A harsh popping noise made Laxus's teeth hurt, like biting down on a fresh jawbreaker. The more he ate, the more his color returned.
"Can't show weakness in Phantom Lord. Not like Fairy Tail," he murmured, his eyes still directed at the cloudless sky slowly lightening, "Took a mission, came back busted up. Bones have ta be set, but I was bleedin' a lot. Hajime told me I had ta prove I could be relied on. Couldn't rely on a kid that's taken out fer weeks after every mission, y'know."
"You're fucking kidding me," Laxus said, outraged, "You were injured."
"Don't matter," Gajeel shook his head slowly, "Learned ta stitch m'self back up. Learned a magic trick too."
He gave Laxus a sly look as he finished the last stitch. Laxus clicked his teeth, unable to hide a grimace, "They'll scar."
"Will they?" Gajeel hummed. He summoned his scales and Laxus tasted iron in his mouth for just an instant. As soon as they snapped into existence, Gajeel let the spell go. A waste of energy, except that when the harsh lines of his concentration eased and they disappeared, Laxus found himself looking at pristine skin. He didn't hide his surprise. Gajeel chuckled, "Now ya see 'em, now ya don't."
"They're gone," Laxus said dumbly, glancing to Gajeel for confirmation, "They're gone?"
Gajeel shrugged, "In a manner a speakin'. T's why the stitches gotta be close together. The iron is part of my body now, but it still smarts if ya press on it."
"Gods alive... you were bleeding out..." Laxus said, mesmerized as he ran his hand over smooth skin. He frowned, "I could have killed you."
"And yet, you never do." Gajeel purred, full of himself. Laxus gave him an unamused look that melted when his love flashed a vagabond smile, "Maybe I can't die."
"Maybe you can't," Laxus found himself smiling back at him. It faded slightly, "I... feel bad."
"Don't." Gajeel said firmly, popping another iron piece into his mouth, "I enjoyed myself. Yer gettin' used to it. Next time won't be so bad."
Laxus didn't argue, because he had no intention of ever asking Gajeel to leave him ever again, for any reason, even himself. He did feel guilty, though, for so many things. Now that his mind was clear, he remembered things he'd said and done with more than a little reproach. He had hurt Gajeel, not just physically.
"I said a lot of stupid shit, didn't I?" he sighed, trying not to sound too regretful, knowing it would make Gajeel upset and not wanting that more than anything.
"So do I." he said calmly, a surprising admission.
Laxus gave him an apologetic smile, "No, you say crazy shit. Different."
"Different?" his smile showed teeth and Laxus felt his heart flutter for it, "How so?"
"You'd kill for me, Gajeel?" Laxus asked, rolling his eyes playfully.
"In a heartbeat," Gajeel replied with an intensity that killed any humor Laxus had. He turned his gaze back to him warily, noting the way the raven was staring so deeply into him. Sincerity, the kind that went down to the bone, "I'll be your dog of war, just ask me, and I'll do it with a smile."
"I wouldn't…" Laxus's breath was gone, gooseflesh throbbing through his limbs, gaining an edge that vignetted his vision with each spiteful pump of his heart. He'd kill for me if I asked, "I wouldn't ask something like that."
"You wouldn't," Gajeel said lovingly, agreeing. He was running his knuckles against the muscle of his thighs like he was testing the flesh. The way his skin dented beneath the pressure made Laxus's throat feel dry, "Of course you wouldn't, the good man you are, mîn lûz. Light of my life. People say that shit all the time, don't they? But they don't mean it like I do. My sunlight."
Scarlet eyes trailed over Laxus's throat, his obvious enthrall.
"I'd kill for you, Laxus. If you asked, and if you asked me not to."
"If I asked you not to?"
It was getting hard to think straight again. His pulse was quickening. Something about Gajeel's adoration sparked a flame in him he couldn't douse, no matter how he knew the words he spoke were wrong. Why did he react this way? He would never ask, never allow something like that. He should be mortified and yet his chest ached to hear more, to see that sincerity again. Kill for me if I ask it. Be obsessed with me.
Gajeel swallowed another piece of iron and pushed himself up to stand, a test of his strength. Laxus tried not to let his eyes linger too long on places they shouldn't, sloping over his chest, his stomach, following the curve of him downwards…
Gajeel straddled him and his vision nearly turned red. His hands immediately went to his waist, longing to pull him close. He tried to remember he had claws now; remember the damage they could do. Gajeel ran his hands over his chest, and his dick responded avidly.
"Things're gettin' a little scary, yeah? Despite everything I did to make sure no one would know what you meant ta me, ya went and threw us out there. When the beast comes ta get me, now, it'll be after you too..." Gajeel purred, shifting his hips against Laxus's. Despite what he was saying and how he knew it should rattle him, Laxus's gaze was already getting muddied with his lust. His nails were already starting to bite into his skin, shift him so his dick would grind up against him, searching for an entrance to plunge into. The blonde shivered. Gajeel gave him a kind look, "You are the most beautiful thing in Earthland, Laxus. You make me forget how ugly it can be... mîn lûz, does the moon shine without the sun's light?"
"N-no..." Laxus breathed, his mind fraying even more when Gajeel's hand slipped under his chin, tilting his head back so he could plant a tender kiss on the side of his neck.
"If they take my light away, I'm burning the world to break the darkness. I'll come for blood. It'll only stop if I get you back or if they kill me, too."
Laxus swallowed, "I'd hope... if it came to that... you'd live for me instead."
"Without you? You'd damn me to that fate?" Gajeel licked a trail up his throat, took his skin between his teeth and sucked a delectable bruise into his pale neck. Laxus caged a moan behind his teeth and felt Gajeel's smug smile where it pressed into him.
"Y-you... need to rest..." he huffed, but his hands were already exploring, slipping down his spine seeking warmth for his aching member to take refuge in. Gajeel nipped at his jaw and sighed when he entered him, "The water still smells like blood."
"Swête weder," he spoke lowly against Laxus's ear and it made venom quicken in his mouth. He couldn't help it, wasn't particularly in the mind to fight it very hard. Gajeel was speaking to him in draconic, and it made him want to lose control in the hopes he'd hear him scream it, "Mîn swête weder, don't let them take you from me, or I'll turn into a villain again. It'll be my only recompense for living in a world where you don't exist."
"Fuck... Gajeel, I love you..." Laxus groaned against his throat. He was shivering again, that damn heat crawling across his body. He could almost see his mind getting lost, walking straight into scarlet fog and the feeling of walls clamping down around him, "Baby, please... t-tell me I can-"
Gajeel's breath hitched against his ear as his hips sank down over him. He was already pulling his hair to one side. Thunder roared so harshly the lake quaked from it. The sun broke over the tops of the trees, spilling the same color as a blood orange over the lake and its ethereal mist. It enshrined Gajeel's shoulders in daybreak, turning his silhouette stark against it. His features were dark, his piercings reflecting glorious light. His eyes burned like fire. Laxus's heart was honeyed with the light of the dawn falling over the trees and illuminating his love.
"You can bite me, Laxus, and fuck me relentless in this lake."
"Whatever you want, baby..." Laxus whispered as he nuzzled against the flesh of his throat, "For you... anything you want."
He bit him and dragged him deeper into the water.
Gajeel made Laxus a bonfire. Being in the water had chilled him to the bone and left him shaking violently once the passion in him had finally faded. He'd never been one for the cold, and Gajeel strode around half-clothed as if it were mid-July and frost wasn't clinging to the ground that morning. He laid out the bedroll, let Laxus curl beneath a heavy woolen blanket, and then joined him and drew him close. His flesh was cold against the blonde's, wind-chilled and bare. Laxus had wrapped his arms around his chest and nuzzled into his throat, rubbing their legs together as he searched for warmth.
"I don't know how you can stand it..." Laxus breathed, snuggling close. Gajeel's chuckle was deep in his throat, tired, "It's freezing."
"You keep me warm," he purred, still unfurling slowly.
He let out a held breath, easing into the bedroll. He was hurting, it was clear, and he was eating iron again. Laxus had left cardinal trails down the backs of his arms, down his shoulders. He had lost his restraint again, but at least this time they weren't so deep. They were deeper than anything Gajeel had ever given him, though, and for that his chest felt too tight.
"You're in pain," Laxus sighed, trying not to sound too guilty.
Again, he gave a tired laugh, "I like it. Reminds me of you."
Gajeel crossed an arm behind his head while the other fished for more pieces of iron to chew between his teeth. His eyelids were heavy. He hadn't gotten more than three hours of sleep the night prior, not that Laxus would know, which was done intentionally. Still, lethargy was making its claim in his limbs. His movements were weighted, slow.
"Can you... show me again?" Laxus's voice was quiet, and through the debilitating fog of weariness it took Gajeel too long to process the words. He blinked, the gears of his mind clicking slowly.
"Show you..." Gajeel sighed, turning his eyes downward towards him, "What would you like me to show you?"
"It's just... I keep going too far," Laxus started, red tinging his cheeks as Gajeel lifted his brow at him, "I keep hurting you. Can you show me the right way to...?"
An amorous grin pulled at the corner of Gajeel's lip. Laxus lost what he was saying. Gajeel thought it was endearing. He was trying so, so hard to do everything right. Gajeel cupped his face with his hand, charmed by the way Laxus leaned into his touch.
"There isn't a right way, fairy," Gajeel spoke warmly, "Just depends on what yer tryin' ta do."
Laxus furrowed his brow, "I can't keep... doing this. You're not hurt in a good way, Gajeel. You're just hurt."
Gajeel let out a sigh, "This is a hard one to explain, Sparky."
"Explain. Please. You don't want me to feel guilty but I do. I can't help it. You're hurt." Laxus insisted, "Tell me why I shouldn't feel bad."
Gajeel stared at him for a long moment, less so because he didn't want to talk about it, but more because he didn't know how Laxus would take it. Pain and pleasure is a difficult thing to explain to the uninitiated, and Gajeel was extremely aware of how Laxus didn't enjoy the things he did. But he owed it to him, he supposed. It took some time, his mind messy with sleep. Perhaps showing was the only way. He ran his fingers through his hair, closed his eyes, and summoned iron scales. The static wasn't so harsh right now, but he knew it wouldn't stay that way for long.
"You'll let me know if I make you upset, hm?" Gajeel asked. Laxus nodded his head cautiously, his eyes trailing over metallic talons that were hovering before his face, "When I dig my claws into you, you don't like it, do you?"
"It's fine," Laxus murmured as Gajeel menaced a claw down his jawline, forcing the blonde to lean his neck back for fear of the sharp of a knife. "It... it... hurts..."
"Do you like it in the moment?" Gajeel asked, leaning forward and laving his tongue over a bruise he'd left earlier.
"I like what it means... you losing control," Laxus confessed, sighing at the feeling, "But I guess you never really did, did you?"
"Once, when I was about eighteen, I met a dame at a bar that wanted me to fuck her while covered in scales," Gajeel said, pulling back just to enjoy the way Laxus's breath caught when he was no longer close, "I thought I was running my hands down her back. I cut her to the bone."
Laxus's eyes widened, "Damn."
"You learn quick after somethin' like that," he pushed Laxus onto his back. The blonde welcomed him readily, even as the blanket slipped to Gajeel's hips. He was heating up again. Gajeel could tell by how his eyes were starting to spark, by the way the air around them was charging.
He focused on his scales, dismissing them on one side of his body and slipped his hands up Laxus's chest. The mark he'd left a day ago was already completely healed. He pressed his fingertips into Laxus's chest, one hand a threat, the other not. He watched his hands closely, skated a touch that was so gentle it nearly hovered over pale skin. Laxus shivered beneath him, his breath catching.
"Tickles..." he smirked, and Gajeel smiled kindly down at him.
"Same pressure, hm?" he said, and then ran them back up again. He applied just a little more. Talons made a divot into skin that blushed like tumbled sunstone, threatening to break it and reveal the liquid cinnabar beneath, "Same pressure."
Laxus was tensed beneath him, his hands curled into tight fists to keep from cutting him again. Gajeel pressed until the smell of blood bloomed into the air. Laxus sucked in a breath, winced slightly.
"Relax," Gajeel hummed, "I won't hurt you bad."
"I don't like sharp pains," Laxus gritted through his teeth as talons sloped down his chest and stopped.
"But there are things you do like," Gajeel said, leaning down and kissing his mark. Laxus sighed and squirmed. Gentleness against his wound was heightened. Sensitive skin enjoyed sweetness after it had been harmed. Laxus was no exception. He moaned when Gajeel ran his tongue over it, and Gajeel enjoyed the tang of blood in his mouth. He enjoyed it even more from his lover. When Laxus shivered and groaned, he pulled back, let him revel in the experience, "Do you think of me later, when your skin pulls tight and it stings? Do you think of how I let you feel me? The sharpened edges?"
Laxus licked his lips, his eyes hooded with desire surging to the surface, "Y-yes... I.. I do..."
"You think I don't feel the same?" he said, twisting his spine in a way that old wounds voiced their outrage at him. He ran an untaloned hand over his throat, pressing bruises left from a mouth that didn't realize its teeth did the work for it, it didn't need to bite so hard. The ugly purple fading to green and dotted with yellow, how it throbbed when he pressed it.
"I enjoy it the pain and the pleasure of it. But I understand you don't."
He summoned his talons back, rested his hands on either side of Laxus's head. The blonde was slipping hands to his hips despite himself, grinding up against Gajeel's hips, already hard. Already wanting him again. Gajeel let out a breath, tired but not unwilling. Never unwilling.
"If it bothers ya that much, dig your claws into the dirt," he said, and did so. Sharp claws ran through forest till like topsoil, digging deep trenches, "All it takes is a little weight to tear me apart. To tear you apart."
Laxus's throat closed around a whine, "You like it?"
"I like it," Gajeel assured him, brought his hand up from his waist to his chest. He flashed a wicked grin, "But if you hurt me, Laxus, you need to kiss it better."
Laxus nodded, getting lost. He was so acquiescent, so desperate to please. A smile on his lips, and he sat up, pulling Gajeel close.
"I can do that," he said, eager, "Tell me more."
"More?" Gajeel chuckled, "There ain't much more than that."
"No, more about you, what you like. I want to love you how you like." Laxus said so earnestly, Gajeel's heart stopped, "I want to know everything, darling. Tell me how to love you best... please?"
Gajeel swallowed hard, "I'll... try my best."
"So..." Gajeel grinned, "Any other hard no's that might actually be maybes?"
Laxus gave him a confused look before realization hit him and he grimaced a bit, "Not that I'm aware of."
"Is eating me out somethin' I can look forward to now or...?" Gajeel wagged his eyebrows at him and Laxus blushed furiously. His lip curled.
"Obviously, I can I just... don't like to think about it too much."
"Ah... damn. So only when yer in heat, then," he huffed.
Laxus, desperate to please, Laxus, immediately backpedaled, "If it's really something you enjoy that much..."
Gajeel bumped his forehead into the blonde's, shushing him. His eyes were practically sparkling with mischief, "I ain't gonna ask ya to do somethin' ya don't enjoy. But if you're ever feeling generous, I won't refuse."
Laxus dropped his head to nudge it against the iron dragon's neck, pushing him onto his back so he could wrap his arms around him. He kept the blanket tight around them, always freezing after the heat ebbed away again. Gajeel's hands were warm, and they slipped over his shoulders, keeping him as close as possible. Their legs entangled with each other. Laxus ran his eyes over the chest beneath him, watching the way it rose and fell.
"I'm really vanilla, aren't I?" Laxus mumbled. It wasn't something that had ever bothered him, and it never occurred to him that it would pose an issue between him and Gajeel, but now he wanted to know how to make him tick. For the first time, he was worried he wouldn't be able to satisfy him.
"As vanilla as a birthday cake without frosting," Gajeel laughed quietly, though not unkindly.
Laxus's stomach twisted, "If I'm not enough... I can try other things..."
"You are more than enough, fairy," he hummed, sweetly.
Laxus let them fall into silence. He listened to the slowing of Gajeel's breathing, tried to let him rest, but he was anxious. He nudged him gently with his knee and rubicund eyes fluttered open, distant before focusing on him. He was exhausted. Laxus could see it plainly, but he was too agitated to let it slide.
"You were supposed to tell me how to love you best," Laxus muttered, "You didn't."
Gajeel blinked a few times, bringing a hand up to run fingers through short blonde hair. He brushed back a rogue curl, smoothing it back into place. He sighed. His tone was a little sour.
"You want me to be honest?" he asked, and when Laxus waited patiently he continued, "I don't know."
Laxus's brow furrowed slightly, "What do you mean you don't know?"
"For a long time, I used sex like a drug. One of those awful things I did in the dark to keep my mind quiet. Feel somthin'. Sorta had a policy that I'd do anythin' once, and if I didn't mind it, I'd do it again. I can handle a lotta things. I like a lotta things. Don't mean I need it. Don't mean I particularly want it either."
Laxus chewed on that for a minute, frowning, "Ok... but you never told me you liked... pain."
Gajeel smirked a bit, "I don't need it. It's a kink, not a fetish."
Laxus blinked rapidly, "I didn't know there was a difference."
Gajeel's grin grew a little, remembering the blonde's pride and kind enough not to mock him for what he didn't know, "A kink is somethin' ya like, but ya don't need. Just an added bonus. A little bit of spice. A fetish implies ya can't get off without it. I can get off without it. I don't need it. So, if I know it makes ya uncomfortable, I won't ask."
"Ok, well, you don't like riding me." Laxus said, slightly agitated, "But you do it. So... is that something you can handle? But you're forcing yourself... to make me happy?"
This time, Gajeel grimaced, "That had more to do with my personal issues with what men should and shouldn't do. I enjoy it I just... feel like I shouldn't."
Laxus raised a brow at him, "Oh?"
"I... just keep thinkin' it's something Mirajane would do." he wrinkled his nose, "I ain't Mirajane."
"I don't want Mirajane. I want you... riding me." Laxus smirked.
"Yeah, yeah." he was blushing and itched at his neck like that would hide it, "We've had this conversation before. I know it's stupid. It's sex. It's fun. It feels good. That's all it is. But for some reason I just think I'm acting like a woman... I'm gettin' over it. Obviously."
"Is that why you won't beg?" Laxus asked, genuine.
At that, Gajeel went quiet. He sat with the question for a moment before he responded, "That one's complicated."
"I'm listening."
"Yeah, kind of. Maybe. And my pride. I don't want to sound like a shitty porn." he curled his lip in disgust, "I just... I shouldn't, should I? I'm a man. I don't beg."
Laxus studied his face, waiting for him to realize that Laxus had begged him to stay, that each time they'd had sex he'd practically begged him for permission to bite him, but Gajeel didn't seem to realize.
"Gajeel, you like it when I beg." he said plainly and Gajeel blushed.
"Yes." he said through his teeth.
"I'm a man. Clearly. A man who has fucked you, many times, the way a man fucks a woman."
His blush deepened, "Yes."
"You like power." Laxus surmised, and Gajeel suddenly didn't seem able to look at him.
"It doesn't feel like you're begging," he snapped, exasperated, "It feels like I'm giving you what you want. I don't... I'm not trying to be... not intentionally. The whole reason I came up with the idea was because you were so worried about consent."
"Do you... like power? In bed?" Laxus asked, serious again.
Gajeel closed his eyes, unclenched his jaw, "I like a lotta things."
"That's not helpful."
"Yes, I like power. What guy doesn't?" Gajeel huffed, not meeting his gaze, "I've... fantasized about it before, making you beg fer it, using my talons as a threat, taking you even harder than I did in the safe house. I like bein' scary, maybe too much. But I also like it when yer possessive and hold me down, when you put your hand around my neck. When you choked me, I got a thrill from it. But I also like feelin' safe and... submissive..." he hissed the word like it would harm him to say it out loud, "I liked the ribbon? I... I want to... to try bein' tied up again. I want you to hold my wrists, but I still panic when that happens. I don't want to, though. I want... a lotta things, I guess. I like it rough, but I also liked you making love to me gently, like I was somethin' fragile. And maybe I like... other things... that I don't wanna admit to myself or to you."
Laxus was shocked, less so by his honesty, but more at his elaboration. He had expected a more monosyllabic answer. He pushed himself up onto his elbows, searching for Gajeel's gaze even though he was pointedly looking away from him. He was embarrassed, his skin as hot as it was red. Laxus could tell he was clenching his jaw, tense and tempestuous. He was clearly thinking about something in particular, though Laxus could only guess at what.
"What other things?" Laxus goaded him on quietly, his voice a deep and reassuring hum, "I won't think poorly of you."
His lips twisted and he didn't answer. Laxus, feeling his heart start to flutter, decided he didn't want to drop the conversation. He liked learning about Gajeel. He wanted to know more, everything if he could. He let his head rest back down on Gajeel's chest, his ear placed against his heart, listening to it beat.
"That was difficult to talk about, hm?" Laxus said, trying not to smirk, "You're so good to me."
Gajeel's heart immediately started hammering. Laxus grinned, knowing Gajeel could feel it and not caring.
"Laxus..." he warned, "Don't."
"Don't... what?" he asked, his tone too innocent to not be nefarious, "I'm just telling you how good you are."
His heart again raced, "Stop."
"You don't like it? When I tell you you're-"
"Stop." Gajeel scooped his face into his hands, staring into him deeply, his voice stern but not angry. "Stop."
"Did I make you upset?" Laxus asked, confused, "You seem to like it."
Gajeel's lip curled, disgust and shame written across his face, "I'll cry."
Laxus drew back slightly. He tried to hide his alarm but fell short, "Why? It's... a good thing."
"I'm still workin' through... a lot. Self-esteem shit." he said, his voice twisting with something haggard. His lips worked for a moment before he was able to speak, pulling up words he had a hard time giving life, "I'm not... good. A good person. When you say it, I feel like I tricked you... somehow. I don't know. It's deep. It hurts. I'm workin' on it, fairy, I promise."
"You are a good person." Laxus said, frowning.
"One day, Laxus." he said calmly, muscles that Laxus hadn't realized were tensed slowly uncoiling beneath him, "One day, I'll be able to handle it. Hopefully, one day soon. You can be mean to me though, if you want. That shit doesn't bother me."
"Mean?"
"Like when you were diggin' inta me for the shit with... your friend." Gajeel said, the corner of his lip curling, "Call me names. Tell me how awful I am. That's fine. I like it, too."
"I made you upset." Laxus said, dubious, "You had a panic attack."
"I had a panic attack because ya held my wrists down." he corrected, "And I was upset you wouldn't bite me. It felt personal."
Laxus's brow furrowed, confused, "I don't really get why you want me to. Bite you, I mean."
Gajeel let his head fall back into the dirt. His eyes were distant, thinking, "Course ya wouldn't. Why would ya?"
"I didn't mean, if that's something you like, I didn't know. I know now." Laxus rushed the words out, his heart aching. Did he make him upset? Oh gods, again? He felt Gajeel huff a laugh beneath him, "I'm sorry. I'm trying."
"I meant that no one has talked ya through it," Hands cupped his face again and Gajeel looked up at him gently, "Ya ain't usually like this, you know. So desperate to keep me happy."
"I am, though," Laxus said, pulling himself over him protectively, "I want to make you happy. I've always wanted to make you happy, whatever that means."
"But… only if it's you, right?" Gajeel asked, and the mere implication of someone else making Gajeel happy made red flare in Laxus's mind. Like a hand on his brainstem tugging at something he didn't even know was there, it squeezed some need in him to tear apart the person who might try, even if they didn't exist. It took his breath away, and Gajeel was giving him a knowing look.
"If you wanted… someone else…" Laxus couldn't even finish the sentence. It tasted like poison, like it'd kill him.
"You've chosen a mate." Gajeel explained calmly, running his thumbs in dulcet circles over Laxus's jaw, soothing him, "You're a possessive man, so that's what comes out when you're in heat. You'd own me, if ya could. But ya can't. You don't want to control me, so you want to make me happy so I'll stay. Anyone else tryin' though, anyone else touching somethin' that belongs to you, makes you angry. More than that, you needed to reclaim me, hm? Touch me deeper than he did? Love me more? Better? Leave your mark?"
Laxus's mouth was dry. The thought of Bickslow and what he'd seen in inebriated memory made him see red. That tug deepened. His venom started turning his mouth bitter again. He was heating up. Just the mention of it, even if Gajeel didn't say his name out loud, made him need to take him again. His heart shuddered in his chest, ramping up its pace. Gajeel, still exhausted, still wouldn't tell him no. Laxus ran his hand down his waist, lifted his thigh to hook it around him. He dropped his head against Gajeel's shoulder, breathed him in. He didn't sense arousal, just weariness. A whine twisted in Laxus's throat. He felt like a dog.
"Fuck… I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Gajeel assuaged him, still speaking as if nothing were happening and Laxus wasn't on the verge of taking him right there, again, "Do you remember when I was in heat? What I did?"
"I-I… don't… I don't…" Laxus muttered, snaking his tongue over his throat. He wanted to ask. Goddamnit.
"I'm obsessive. I wanted to know the scent of you, the feel, the taste, everything. I wanted to know every sound you made, take you in every way possible. I worship the ground you walk on, mîn yst. Ask me for the world, I'll give it to you…"
Laxus was losing his grip on control, his pulse quickening to Gajeel telling him he had him even if it was in different words. His, all his. He wanted him again.
"Gajeel…" he breathed.
"You can call me awful things, tell me how I did you wrong and need to pay for it, and I'll pay whatever price you give me. But refuse to bite me, to make us one, and I'll get mean. You've felt it, that it changes us? Don't you crave it, too?"
"Y-yes… I want you… like no one else can have you," Laxus rocked into him, finding friction, chasing it. Goddamn him. It was too much. He was already starting to burn.
"Because I'm your mate?" he promoted, a grin chasing away his weariness.
"Yes," Laxus circled his hand around his throat, "Mine. Just mine."
"Just like it hurts when I tell you you've denied me, it hurts when I feel like you don't want me the way I want you. I want you to be possessive. Don't deny me."
"Never… n-never again…" Laxus's mind was gone again. He ran his tongue over his sharpened teeth, "Baby… I want to bite you again."
Gajeel threaded his fingers into golden hair and pulled him close, "Don't fucking hesitate."
"How long…?" Laxus groaned, stifling a shiver, "Feels like forever."
Gajeel was sprawled out on the ground, laying on his stomach. He could hardly think, dizzy as he was, "Two."
"Two?" Laxus prompted, curling the needle into flesh. He had gone too far again. In his haze, he'd raked his nails too harshly into Gajeel's back. The cuts were deep, and the bedroll had been ruined with blood, "…t-two… days…?"
"Focus…" Gajeel huffed, "Work fast if ya have ta."
"We can't keep doing this." He snarled, "I can't do this to you again."
"Yer fine, fairy…" Gajeel drawled.
"How much have you slept?" Laxus snapped, not letting him finish, "I'm going to kill you."
"Then kill me romantically," he hummed in reply. If Laxus wasn't already so concerned, he would have tugged a little harsher on the line, "Make sure ta tell everyone back home I died a happy man."
"Have you gotten three hours? Four?"
"Mmnhh…" he buried his face in his arms. Laxus watched the muscles of his back move, how they coiled and released beneath his skin. He finished the last of the stitches, tied off the end.
"I'm done." Laxus said, his voice tight. Gajeel didn't respond, just kept his face tucked into his arms. Laxus waited, rubbed him gently on the shoulder, "Gajeel. I'm done."
No response.
"Gajeel," concern was clear in his tone now and he shook him, "Gajeel, answer me."
"Laxus…" his voice was low, haggard, "You made a promise…"
"What?" Laxus asked, concern twisting to worry, "What did I promise?"
"Yer s'posed to kiss it better." He was peeking back at him, one blood red eye glittering in the dying evening light, holding mirth and barely contained laughter.
"You're insane," Laxus snarled, "Do the thing with your scales."
"Not until you kiss it better." he purred.
Laxus glared at him, annoyed, "No."
Gajeel tucked his forehead back into his arms, let out a deep sigh, "Shame. I'm gettin' dizzy. Maybe I'll pass out. Can't eat then. Can't heal up for ya."
Laxus huffed, exasperated, "Gajeel, please."
He didn't respond, just made a lazy sound as he exhaled. His breathing was labored, though, not the easy pace of someone falling asleep. Laxus scrubbed his face anxiously and studied Gajeel's back. He grimaced, upset. He was bad at sewing him back together. The iron twine Gajeel made was hard to bend and it hadn't been as thin as it needed to be. By the time Laxus had let him free, his hands had already begun to tremble from fatigue, so his work had been clumsy. His back looked nasty, crisscrossed with iron coils and smeared blood. Laxus let out a heartfelt sigh. He leaned forward until his forehead rested on the back of Gajeel's head. He glared into tangled black hair.
"I feel like shit," he muttered, "Please? I don't like seeing you like this."
Still, Gajeel refused to answer him. At first he wondered if Gajeel had passed out, but he realized that was wrong when he felt the weight beneath him shift. Gajeel twisted his head to the side, letting it rest on his arms while his eyes fluttered closed, as if he was seriously just planning on falling asleep like this with Laxus still straddling him, the needle in his hands.
"You're pissing me off," Laxus muttered, "Take care of yourself. Please."
"Keep yer promise," he mumbled groggily, his breathing at long last beginning to slow, "I'm tired."
Laxus nuzzled his neck, watched him fall asleep. His heart ached for him. His mate. He was in pain, so exhausted he fell asleep while Laxus was still perched on him. He wanted to do something… something kind. But whenever he tried, he'd feel hot again. Looking back on their time in the safe house made him feel even worse. Gajeel's heat had come in waves. There were moments of peace, and he'd slowly ramp up until he couldn't take it anymore and drag Laxus onto the bed. But there'd been times he'd just been sweet, too. They'd talked and laughed together. Even on the fourth day, when he'd been at his worst, his most volatile, Laxus had been able to rest. Laxus, though, seemed completely different. He felt hormonal, wretched. Anything set him off, and he burned bright and explosively, like an alkali metal exposed to oxygen and flame.
Gajeel was asleep, and Laxus told himself he should stand and walk to the edge of the fire, let him alone. The thought of leaving him, though, made him heavy. He smoothed a hand over his shoulder, running his fingers gently over his love. Hesitantly, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss between Gajeel's shoulder blades. So close, the scent of blood made him reckless. He tried to stem it, but when he straightened again, he saw Gajeel had opened his eyes once more. A studded brow was raised, waiting patiently.
"I kept my promise." Laxus muttered, blushing.
"Mmhm," Gajeel affirmed, but didn't summon his scales.
Laxus nudged him with his thighs, resting his hands on either side of his ribs. He dug his nails into the dirt, appreciated how it felt beneath his talons, how his talons dug into the ground, how it gave so easily beneath his weight and sharpness.
"You, um... you should do the thing."
Gajeel didn't, though, just buried his face a little bit more. "Kiss it again?"
Laxus gave him a curious look. Again he hesitated, running his eyes over the slope of his spine. Cautiously, he leaned back down and kissed just to the side of one of his wounds. He didn't pull back right away, resting there just a second, letting the moment breathe, and watched Gajeel's skin prickle where his lips had been. Gajeel's ribcage expanded, a deep breath that caught before he released it again. His voice was smaller, like he was scared. A whisper, a breath, a child hiding in the dark from the wrath of a parent.
"Again?"
Laxus did. Again and again. Planting kisses like seeds down his spine and watching how his skin bloomed. Gajeel shivered and writhed, burying his head deep into his arms like he was scared he'd be hit. Tenderness, a river of it sliding down shoulders marred with scars. Scars gained with the kind of wisdom that only comes alongside pain. Laxus had never considered why he had so many more on his back than on his chest, but now that he knew what Gajeel could do, it made so much more sense. He'd always taken care of himself in Phantom Lord. There had been no one to help him close his wounds aside from himself. The thought made Laxus's heart break.
Something clicked into place in Laxus's mind, an understanding long waiting in the wings to come rushing forward. He kissed his way back up his shoulders, buried his nose behind the raven's ear. He used his height to his advantage, his edge in size, made a castle with his arms and a rampart of his legs, nearly swallowing Gajeel with his jealous frame.
"You're so patient with me, darling," Laxus kissed the side of his neck, appreciating bruises, "I'm learning. I'll get it right. I promise."
Gajeel didn't raise his head, didn't speak. He was shivering from a gentleness so demanding it brought to light how desperately he needed to fall into the relief of it, and it made him shrink into himself to be so surrounded. A wild animal that craved kindness, humanity, softness, but so used to the brutality of the world around it that it no longer expected it. Laxus was beginning to understand. Do with me what you want, even if it hurts. But love me gently after, and you cannot do wrong to me. You gave me your light, mîn luz, now give me your darkness too. I will give it a home inside me, the bright moon and its darker side.
Gajeel had been right in Magnolia. Laxus knew love well, inside and out. He knew love in the breadth and intensity of the sun that never says to the earth "A debt is owed for how I light your darkened skies." He knew it in how it welled up inside his soul and spilled over the iron dragon in an infinite way, a way that couldn't be damned or diverted or covered, a way that waited, that existed even when it couldn't be witnessed, patient and never changing. But he knew nothing of devotion. Laxus was learning, would learn. He closed his arms around Gajeel's chest, nuzzled the side of his face and settled around him, encapsulating him in his body, and in the onslaught of him. Lightning and magic swelled around them, burning gently in the chilly morning and turning the world dreamlike with the kaleidoscopic spectrums of their magics mixing in the updraft it caused. Thunder rumbled, a deep purr over the world.
"You've always been a light sleeper," he spoke quietly against metal studs pressed into an ear, "You can rest, my love. Nothing can hurt you with me here."
He ignored the sound Gajeel made, mostly because it sounded too brokenhearted for him to feel good about. Laxus curled around him, listened to the quiet slowing of his breath. All his love and terror balanced in the man finding peace in his embrace, a power that made men fall to their knees a comforting weight that afforded him weakness. He didn't need his armor with Laxus here. The longer they stayed this way, Laxus knew, the more the iron bindings of fate sewed them together like his own clumsy hands over the open wound of them.
You deserve a sweet epilogue, my darling. You deserve the world for what it has done to you. Worship the ground I walk on, be obsessed with me, and I will give you anything you could possibly desire.
Was it toxic to wish such a thing? The way Gajeel talked, it didn't matter either way. He was already too entwined in him. Flesh would mend together, and they couldn't be separated without agony. To deny him would be a punishment for them both.
He is mine. Laxus thought it intensely, the words ricocheting off his synapses until they turned into the deafening roar of thunder filling the interstices of the shivering trees. All mine. Forever.
He planted a kiss on the raven's temple. Rested his chin on his shoulder and gazed into the ferns. And then, his eyes centered on the bag Gajeel had brought with them that had been filled with iron. His stomach twisted, sulfuric acid on his tongue, when he realized that it was empty.