Akira has to hurry up and wait

"Uhhhh…"

Akira tapped her fingers against the counter she was sitting on. Chigyo was pacing back and forth, looking at a spreadsheet he'd printed after the blood panel machine was done.

"Hmmmm…"

She rolled her eyes. "Brilliant. I knew they hired you for a reason."

He halted and turned to look at her. "They say the most exciting phrase in science isn't 'Eureka,' it's 'That's interesting.' Let me have this."

Akira gave him another ten seconds of staring at the paper. "So?"

"So. I can tell you what I'd think if you told me a normal, healthy-looking person got these results." He raised an eyebrow at her. "But we both know you're not a ghoul."

"Thanks," she replied with a hint of sarcasm. "You can tell the type of RC cells, right?"

He flipped through the printout in his hands. "Usually the concentration's not high enough to get reliable results in humans but…we definitely don't have that problem here." Chigyo ran his finger down a list of readouts. "Huh. Weird. There's two readouts. Higher levels for ukaku, slightly lower levels that are inconclusive. Both are above human limits on their own, but together…"

"The ukaku results will be from Banjo's treatment," she muttered numbly.

"Huh?"

She gave him a clipped summary of the litany of injuries that Banjo had helped heal since Rushima, and the RC suppressant protocol they'd worked out.

As she talked, she rubbed at her arm. The stitches looked even better today, maybe healing faster than normal, but still healing. Nothing miraculous. And, to her annoyance, she did wake up with a huge bruise in the crook of her elbow from the very amateur blood draw.

Chigyo nodded along, then stared at the wall, talking to himself, and gesturing in the air for a moment before he came to some sort of conclusion.

"The people being carted in suddenly got blasted with something that immediately jacked up their RC cells, and it's doing crazy things to them. You got multiple smaller, controlled doses over the course of a couple of months and you're fine. It's almost like…you're inoculated against RC cells, because you're not having the same huge immunological reaction anymore."

Which explains why I'm still standing and they're in the sick bay.

He paused for a second, thought, then launched back in. "And at the same time, you've ramped up production. We have all sorts of feedback pathways in place to keep our body chemistry within normal limits, whether it's electrolyte levels or the pH of your blood or RC levels. Maybe you've blown out all of your natural RC level control mechanisms." He held up the incriminating paper and flicked it. "You've taken your RC cell count on such a roller coaster ride that now your body thinks this is a good, normal set point and it doesn't need to react."

Akira felt queasy at that news. Or maybe it wasn't the news making her queasy. "What does that mean for me, though?"

"I really don't know what it means, or what disease to compare it to, because no one's ever been dumb enough to do this to themselves."

"At least they'll name it after me." She laughed, in a clipped, bitter way. "I can't just…grow a kakuho, right?"

Chigyo looked at her like she was being ridiculous. "No. That'd be like suddenly growing a third lung. It's an organ, either you're born with it or it gets transplanted. They don't just appear in ROS patients." He shrugged. "Maybe you need to talk to an ROS specialist, because these results look like an advanced case on paper, but you have none of the symptoms. At least it's kind of under control."

He again flipped through the pages. His eyes darted back and forth over the lines of text. "And I don't understand what half these tests are for. Your cholesterol looks fantastic, though…"

Akira stood. "Thanks for trying, Chigyo."

"I wonder if it's got anything to do with being blonde."

She looked at him, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "You've never heard that? It's just one of those weird things. Redheads need higher doses of anesthesia, and blondes have higher baseline RC cell counts."

"No, never heard that."

"Well, maybe you just started higher than average, and that's part of the problem."

"Maybe," she said as she stood to leave. "Can you keep quiet about this? This is going to have to stay on the backburner for a while."

"Sure, but I want to be first in line to run some tests. Non-invasive, I promise!"

She rolled her eyes, but paused in thought. "I'll take that deal, if you can get me a rifle with a good scope and Q-bullets within the hour."

He called behind her as she shut the door, "You got it!"

In the hallway outside, she looked down at her hands. Curling and uncurling her fingers, she thought, I don't think I feel any different…but according to that paper, I'm barely human anymore.

Or, at least, she certainly felt like she'd become another person, but that was not because of a change in her bloodwork. It was in the way she was now an outsider in these halls that had once felt like home, the way she'd smile and thank the ghouls who always made sure she had plenty of coffee, the way she'd begun to think of her parents as heroes for the wrong cause…the way her life had somehow grown beyond her little circle of work acquaintances and the vengeance that kept her up at night into something…strange, and vibrant, and connected.

Meanwhile, other plans had kicked into high gear. The shipment of metal detectors was expected soon—to be dropped off by helicopter, along with some other supplies.

Tsukiyama had really come through. Somehow it was him who'd finessed the powers that be into holding back. They now had a forty-eight reprieve to try and make headway on their own before control of the situation was taken away from them. Having the main ghoul-fighting agency take the lead against a threat that was ghoulish in origin would stop making sense fast if they couldn't deliver results.

Added to the decreased activity from the Dragon and the info they now had about focusing their efforts around the eyespots, it suddenly felt like there was reason to hope.

Organizing was taking place in the cafeteria, since most of the humans involved wanted breakfast.

The room was a more heterogenous mix of ghouls and humans, that morning. Akira grabbed some sad prepackaged melonpan from the food area. Snacking on it one bite at a time, she considered whether it tasted stale because it was stolen from the back of a vending machine or because her sense of taste was off.

Hell, why not both?

Again, her stomach felt off—not bad enough to get in the way, just enough to draw her thoughts back to it every few minutes.

But…it occurred to her that, somehow, she'd be okay. Yes, they were facing a massive calamity and surviving the day wasn't even a given, but assuming they could all pull through…she thought she'd be okay.

Everything since her father died had felt like a series of increasingly insurmountable hurdles, but she'd survived. She would survive this. Her history had proved to her that she'd never feel in control while caught in the middle of a crisis. It was only on the other side that she'd be able to look back and appreciate how strong she'd actually been.

So…first I get to the other side of this. Then I…Akira stopped short. The next step would be figuring out who to talk to about her disturbing bloodwork, and that would require a bit of consideration—not because she had so few people to turn to for advice and commiseration, but because she had so many. That was new.

The thought left her light-headed for a moment.

Of course Kaneki was somewhere on that list, which brought her back to the problem at hand: Get him back, and hopefully deactivate the Dragon in the process.

Hitting pause on her own problems, she looked around for a place to sit while they awaited their helicopter.

Hinami was sitting facing away from the table, clutching a hot cup of coffee in both hands. Next to her was Juzo, with what was probably hot chocolate. Both were holding out one leg and rotating their feet in the air—one high-tech prosthetic, the other newly regrown ghoul. They appeared to be deep in conversation, comparing and contrasting.

Near them, Shinohara was watching in amusement and Ayato was holding Ichika.

As soon as Akira seated herself at an empty spot, another cup of coffee appeared in front of her. She stared at the mesmerizing curls of steam for a second, then blinked and looked up at Touka.

The ghoul smiled. "Yoriko's in the kitchen. She gave me first dibs on coffee."

"Thank you. I needed this." Akira took a satisfying drink as Touka sat next to her. "The kitchens are up and running?"

"A lot of the staff got out, but a few stayed to help how they could." She took a drink of her own beverage. "And we're supposed to just…sit around?"

"Yeah. We call this the 'hurry up and wait' part. Stuff is happening, we just don't have anything to do until the delivery gets here." Akira looked over at the busiest corner of the room. A small crowd was huddled around a table, running through rosters of humans and ghouls, and figuring out how to divide up the groups.

She hadn't seen much of Nishiki lately, but he appeared to be one of the ghouls making sure that the assignments would match the abilities of the ghouls. Miza and Irimi were also at his side. They were all smart with good judgement and from a distance it seemed like they had it under control.

They knew where to find her if they needed her. So, Akira opted to finish her coffee in peace.

"Yeah," Touka agreed. "They finally figured out how to run a map offline during the night so even that's out."

Akira looked over at her. Touka had somehow found less…aggressively unflattering clothes, probably while she was searching offices for pillows and blankets. She was now wearing what looked like someone's spare workout clothes—a pair of joggers and a plain tank top.

And the ghoul was clearly itching to get out and take action. She had the tension of a hunting dog waiting to be released into a field.

Maybe a little distraction. Akira often hated small talk, but it did serve some important functions.

On the other side of the table, Ayato was helping Ichika stand on his lap. The girl was holding up her hand and trying to high five everyone who walked by. Most people didn't break their stride, but every once in a while, someone would pause to indulge her, and she would wiggle and squeal with delight.

"I've decided I'm going to teach her to like spicy food," Akira said lightly. "The kind of stuff that's so hot it hurts to breathe while you're cooking it."

"I can't believe you want to eat food that fights back."

Akira stared at Touka silently, one eyebrow raised incredulously.

"You know what I mean!" The ghoul waved her hand.

"It does taste good. And maybe it's a bit strange, but I like the challenge of seeing what the hottest thing I can eat is." Akira smiled. "It's like training for the Olympics. You have to start them young."

"As long as you don't make her cry or anything," Touka said without sounding sure. "It's not like I can show her weird food like that."

"Oh, we'll start easy, with jalapeños," Akira joked. Her humor was wasted—only Shinohara shot her a look. The ghouls just took her at her word. "So, you're planning on going out and leaving all the kids with Ayato?"

Touka nodded. "A few people have to stay with the kids, the wounded, the noncombatants…"

"In case there's an attack while you're all out looking. Because defense is important," he said as if he was trying to convince himself. He glanced over at Shinohara. "Right?"

Shinohara whispered to Ayato, "Psst. We don't know each other, kid. Trust me. But yes. A good offense is often useless without a good defense."

Ayato shrugged. "Whatever. As long as this spoiled brat gets fed and changed—" he made a face "—before she gets all worked up, she's not too bad. And Touka really wants to help find the half-ass," he added miserably. He trailed off mulishly, "A whole planet of people out there and she just had to pick that one…"

Akira tried to hide her smile with a sip of her drink. If anyone brought up whether ghouls have a right to not starve or humans have a right to defend themselves from being murdered, this would all collapse into fighting in an instant. Silly things like how a prosthetic leg works or why people eat spicy food…it's something.

She zoned out a little bit while Shinohara started discussing combat theories and the role of defensee. Instead, she focused mostly on enjoying her coffee.

A couple of familiar voices cut through the low hum of conversation around her. With a furtive glance over her shoulder, she spotted the Quinx squad a couple of tables away. They seemed to be sneaking glances not just at her but at the rest of the ghouls around her. At least no one was trying to force a dramatic confrontation in front of the whole cafeteria, like some bad teenage drama.

Time continued to crawl by. Every few minutes a rumor would fly through the room that they'd be jumping into action soon, but nothing ever came of it.

Marude eventually speedwalked by on his way to the main planning group. He must have spotted her out of the corner of his eye, because he turned back around to snap at her, "Any ideas on getting us that intel on the boy wonder?"

"Kimi hasn't found anything in the doctor's notes yet. Unless Furuta's been spotted, there's no way to know anything at this point." She crumpled up her paper coffee cup as she spoke.

Their impatient commander scoffed and walked away without any further words.

Juzo must have disappeared to get more hot chocolate or run to the bathroom, because Hinami was listening in and looking carefully at Akira. "You were talking about the new chairman? The one that…"

"Furata. Yes, the one that went a little off the rails. Why," Akira pressed.

"He tried to stop me when we were getting out of Cochlea. We fought. I injured him."

Now that made Akira sit up. "Really? How badly?"

Hinami seemed a little taken aback by Akira's sudden intensity, so the blonde explained. "If he should have died and he didn't, he might be more than a regular human. That's high-priority info right now."

The young woman pressed her eyebrows together in thought. "I think I got him around here." She drew a circle on her stomach with one finger. "I didn't see him die, but I think it would have been fatal to humans?"

"You don't sound as sure as I need you to sound."

Hinami looked down at her hands. "I've seen some humans die instantly after an injury like that, and some who needed…a second hit." Then, as if she was afraid of offending Akira, she softly said, "I saw you on the boat from Rushima. I thought for sure you would die from that but you didn't…so I can't be sure."

"Well, that's just because Banjo was there to help, and we had RC suppressants…" Which Furuta could have had access to.

She flagged Banjo down at the next table over. "Hey, the healing you do…is that like a special talent only you can do or is it a skill you learned?"

He stroked his goatee thoughtfully. "A bit of both. I have some talent, but I've worked to become better at it since I'm not much good in a fight."

"So it can be learned?" Akira felt a twinge of shame that she'd used his aid so many times without ever taking the time to understand it. She'd usually been too focused on dealing with the next problem.

He nodded. "Not many ghouls try to, but yes. The only other ghoul I've heard of is one of the Clowns, and to put it nicely, he doesn't do it out of kindness."

"Shit," she whispered to herself. "So he could have used the exact same healing protocol we've been using. Unlikely, but the possibility's on the table."

"I…I think when we fought, he probably should have died." The girl was trying to sound comforting.

"Aw, you're just saying that to make me feel better." She rubbed her temples. "Okay, pop quiz. I'll list an injury and you tell me how serious you think it is for humans. Ready?"

Hinami nodded.

"Someone bumps their head and is unconscious for a couple of minutes."

"That's nothing! That happens all the time to humans in my books and they're fine."

"That's actually incredibly dangerous. Someone breaks their femur?" Akira pointed to her thigh to demonstrate.

She thought about it. "That's a big bone, and humans don't heal fast, so that's probably fatal."

"Unpleasant, but usually not deadly. Someone's been injured in a car wreck, but they're walking around and speaking very calmly."

"That's got to be a good sign, right?"

"Nope. That's a sign of shock, it's a medical emergency. A stab to the torso?"

She thought hard. "If you hit the kakuho on a ghoul, that could be deadly. And humans have a lot of important organs, too…is it usually fatal?"

Akira sighed. "It's a serious injury, but if there's a quick response, it can definitely be survivable." And that's the problem. "Don't look so sad. These are all tricky ones."

The girl wrinkled her nose. "That's so strange. You can get stabbed or thrown across the room and walk away, but if you get tapped on the head wrong you die?"

"Yes, I suppose. Our survival is a lot more precarious. It's hard to know for sure whether we're going to be resilient or fragile when we get hurt."

Not long after, she spotted Amon entering the cafeteria and looking around. He had bags under his eyes, and a rumpled look to his clothes.

Within short order, he spotted her. There was not much room left at the table, so Akira gestured towards an empty table nearby.

She stood. "Where's the coffee?"

Touka pointed at the pots in the drink area of the food counter.

The blonde nodded in thanks and went off to grab two more cups.

Setting both cups down, she sat next to Amon. "Did you pull a double?"

He nodded silently and took a desperate drink of his black coffee. "Wanted to make sure you were all safe during the night, so I stayed out to keep watch."

"Ah."

"I might not be good company right now," he said in a gravelly voice.

"That's okay." It was enough to sit side-by-side and enjoy spending time together in silence. "Just drink your coffee and get out of here."

She'd wait to talk to him about the morning she'd had, she decided. If either of them died in the coming days, that wasn't on the list of things she needed to do to die without regrets.

Knowing she'd tried to cherish little moments like these was much more important.

Hinami's ears picked it up first, over the low din of the room. "I think the helicopter's almost here. I think it's landing now."

Soon after that, the gossip spread from table to table that the large supply of metal detectors was on its way downstairs.

And it was soon after that, when Marude stood up and started yelling. The background noise died down rapidly.

"Alright! We've divided you up, head up here in an orderly fashion to find out your team and assigned search location, then head down the hall to room A179 to pick up your radios and metal detectors! We're favoring larger teams for your safety, and we spread out the stronger fighters, so no complaining if you're not with your friends! This isn't summer camp, we've got a miracle to pull off!"

She said a quick goodbye to the people at her table and rose to get her assignments.

Chigyo was there helping hand out metal detectors. He'd once again worked his magic—he passed her a rifle as she waited in the corner of room for the rest of her group.

She probably should have felt a lot more anxious. Maybe she didn't have much left to feel anymore, but her main emotion was determination.

Within a few minutes she tracked down the group she was supposed to work with. They were a couple of mid-tier ghouls and the remnants of two squads that had suffered losses in the original Dragon attack. Introductions were tense, but it seemed like everyone was on the same page—they had a job to do, and it would only get done if they cooperated.

Walking at the tail end of her group, she slung the rifle on her back, lifted her new polearm, and made sure the knives strapped to her calf were secure. There was a dangerous feeling of invulnerability that came with being armed to the teeth. Now is a time for courage, though, Akira thought.

It was a long day with nothing to show. Akira mostly stood guard while her team did the searching in their area. Her shoulder was sore from the rifle strap—but she'd been correct. There weren't many monsters left wandering around, but they'd run into a couple. She'd managed to take them out long before they became a problem for anyone else in the group.

When she got back to the main building, Akira stopped to talk to a few others high in the chain of command to discuss where they stood currently. The consensus was that they'd played it as safely as they could today, with no results aside from clearing a good deal of ground. They'd have to go farther out, in smaller groups, tomorrow.

After finishing up for the evening, she ended up wandering around and trying to remember where the nearest water fountain was. She wanted to fill up a water bottle before bed.

After that mission was taken care of, she ended up taking an aimless walkabout. Thinking, going over the last few days, wondering what tomorrow would bring…just lost in her head. Most of the overhead lights through the upper floors had been turned off, leaving only the glow of the always-on emergency lighting. There was an almost dreamlike atmosphere to the corridors.

Without really meaning to, she wandered past where the Quinx had set up camp. This time, she tried to just pass by unobtrusively.

"I kept telling myself, you must have had a really good reason to do everything you did…"

She turned around to see Saiko, standing in the middle of the hall with hands balled into fists and watery eyes.

"But now I know you just left us for a maaan!" she wailed and buried her face in her hands.

Akira awkwardly reached out and patted the back of the blue-haired Quinx with her free hand. "Okay, you're not technically entirely wrong, but that's reductive and you're missing a lot of context."

Yonebayashi sniffled and her crying quieted down. She seemed to be waiting for Akira to continue.

"So, I know that I left a lot of damage in my wake." I'm actually on a roll there. "I…realized there was somewhere else I needed to be even more. I hoped that you all could learn to lean on each other."

Akira caught a flash of a sleepy-looking face peeking around the door frame behind Saiko, probably someone wondering where the missing Quinx went—but Saiko kept talking, drawing Akira's attention back.

"Urie stepped up. He's been a really good leader," Saiko said. "I'm really proud of him. I'm…" She paused, appearing to have a realization. "We watched him grow up a lot, didn't we? From when we all first moved into the Chateau."

"I hope you did. I think you all grew, at least a little bit." Sure, the shortest Quinx was being dramatic and weepy, but compared to the shut-in who played video games all day…this older version of Saiko was someone others could depend on.

Their mystery eavesdropper finally stepped into the hall—Mutsuki, looking far less animated than Yonebayashi. "I miss it sometimes, though. Everything's different now."

"Aw, Mutsie…"

Mutsuki added in a drowsy voice, "Sometimes I remember hanging out at the Chateau, back in the beginning, and…I miss it. A lot. Even when we didn't get along so great, and all those old arguments felt so important…I wish we could have it back."

Akira swallowed hard and nodded. "I miss…simpler times…sometimes too."

She gathered her courage and continued, noticing distantly that her nervous grip on her water bottle kept tightening more and more as she spoke. "Those might be lovely memories for you all because the problems you faced were smaller then, but those were difficult times for me, and for Haise. He was stressed out and stretched way too thin, and putting on a brave face for all of you…and I wouldn't have thought so then, but looking back I was so sad and angry and alone, and determined to hide it from everyone…" She shook her head.

Mutsuki's expression faltered. "I…never thought he…"

Akira stared down at the floor tiles. She was having a hard time looking them in their faces. They were just two of the people she'd left behind, people who felt confused and betrayed. Confronting the damage she'd done wasn't getting any easier, even if she was getting more practiced.

"You could probably write a book on everything I did wrong, but if you think you want to go back, I hope it means I got one thing right. I believe, and I'm sure Haise would agree, that it was our job to protect you as much as we could, and your job to work on growing up. Our burdens weren't yours to shoulder. Especially not back then—anyone could see how green you all were."

Yonebayashi gasped in offense. "I know we weren't the greatest noobs, but I don't think we were that high maintenance—"

Oh, but you were…though Yonebayashi's impertinence was something that hadn't changed, and Akira secretly hoped it never would.

Akira held up a hand to quiet her. "I don't regret it—it gave you space to mature enough that now you can repay the favor."

She walked back to the room and peered back around the door frame, at Urie—slumped in an awkward position against the wall, head dropped in sleep. "You can start by making sure he gets some rest. If you can't sleep, find that boy a spot where he can actually lie down. Run interference for a couple of hours if anyone tries to bother him."

Motion in the nearly dark room drew her attention. That newer boy—Higemaru—lifted his head and glared at the door with half open eyes. He held a finger to his lips, and rolled over to curl up.

Akira backed away and fought back an enormous yawn. "It's past our bedtime. We can talk more later." I hope. "Hey, um, I know you've got more sensitive noses…how are you handling all the ghouls around?"

Mutsuki and Yonebayashi shared a pained look. It was Saiko who answered. "Ugh, we're fine, I guess, but it smells like ghouls everywhere in here and ghouls everywhere outside."

"Oh." Before she walked off, though, she left them with one last thought. "It probably isn't worth much anymore, but I'm very proud of you all."

She didn't go to sleep, though. Instead she found a rooftop patio. It had been a fairly popular place to enjoy a break, but she had never made time to visit before. Once there, she simply leaned against the railing and looked out over the mostly dark city. A few campfires were visible across the vista, a few hospitals that had emergency generators were lit. Over the horizon, she could even see the glow of several nearby cities.

I wonder what they're saying about us on the news right now.

But…it was still the darkest night she'd ever seen. She leaned her forehead down on the railing and focused on holding back the tears that were trying to break free.

"I've been looking for you for a while. Here to look at the stars?"

She snapped upright and turned around. Amon. "What?"

"The stars. The sky is my least favorite part of living in the city, but tonight…" He walked up beside her to look at the sky.

And Akira finally looked up.

It was…beautiful. More stars than she had ever seen before. More than she even realized existed. Distant clouds of cosmic dust, bright stars that seemed close enough they were just out of reach, so many she felt like she was pulling back a corner of the veil to peer into eternity. For the first time in her life, she could actually follow the Milky Way in a great rift of light across the sky.

"Wow," she breathed.

"To see this in downtown Tokyo…it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Enjoy it, you might not be able to tomorrow."

"Because we might all die?"

He chuckled. "Or they'll get the power back on."

She smiled. It certainly helped keep everything in perspective. They could be lost in their struggles, and just above their heads the greatest show in the universe was taking place. "…Or maybe they'll get the power back on."

She could barely see him in the darkness, but she caught the barest hint of his nod.

He had a smile in his voice. "It seems possible, sometimes, that the world will be saved by beauty."

And in that moment, she didn't feel lost at all—not if she could still appreciate a moment so fleeting, so beautiful, so human.

Or at least beauty can save us, and then we can save the world.

If it's of interest to anyone, I was thinking of what is going on with Akira like Type 2 diabetes, but with RC cell counts instead of blood sugar levels…Type 1 diabetes is where you just don't produce insulin—which lowers blood sugar—and that's why blood sugar gets dangerously high. I guess would be analogous to ROS? Idk, I'm not trying to write a thesis on this hahaha. Type 1 can be very dangerous very fast :(

With Type 2 you might make insulin, but you slowly grow resistant to its effects for many reasons—for the purposes of this analogy, going through lots of spikes in blood sugar followed by spikes in insulin to try and control the high blood sugar would be the most pertinent.

So you imagine Akira regularly spiking her RC levels and then RC suppressant levels, and slowly becoming resistant to the ways humans regulate RC levels, but in a less immediately dangerous way than ROS

There was a point around Rushima when I realized that the reason Akira exited stage left there is because her character arc was 100% done, and if I wanted to stick with her I had to figure out what the next arc for her would be. In a totally unrelated way, at the same time The Velveteen Rabbit came up…specifically the part about how becoming Real takes a long time and it hurts, but "when you are Real you don't mind being hurt." And especially this passage:

"You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

There is a chance I will skip posting next week because A) the last month has been jam-packed for me and I might want to take a short breather and B) I've been thinking about taking a bit of extra time to make sure the last few chapters are as good as I can make them. But hey, I was originally going to split this chapter and I ended up not doing it as a little present!

Next week (or maybe two weeks): Akira raises a toast.