Every year at Smash Mansion, the meeting room was taken over and turned into festivity central at the mansion. The Christmas tree was situated in the middle of the stage, and the rest of the room was decked with holly, wreaths, tinsel, fake snow, and other decorations.
And just like every year at Smash Mansion, Yoshi was sitting in the second row, on the left side, bordering the central aisle of chairs. He liked the view of the Christmas tree best from this specific seat. Close enough to get a good view of it in all of its festive splendor, far enough away so that he wasn't just looking at the underside of all the branches.
But this year would be a little different. After the yearly Secret Santa had gone poorly for the 3rd year in a row, Master Hand had…. enlisted some quality control. Who thankfully, had not arrived yet.
As the other Smashers and Assist Trophies made their way into the room, Yoshi took a moment to pause and take it all in. The hum of conversation around the room, the way the light bounced off of the various ornaments, and how the tree positively glowed from its spot on stage. Peach and Lucas did an absolutely stellar job every year.
He'd exchanged his gifts with the Mario Bros and the princess herself and had already stashed their gifts back in his room.
But there was one thing left to do. One more gift to drop off.
There was rustling next to him, and Yoshi turned to see Pikachu shuffling along with three gifts in his paws next to him.
Speak of the devil.
"Hey, Pikachu! Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas to you too, Yoshi!"
Yoshi moved the gifts he'd placed in the seat next to him onto the floor, as Pikachu got himself settled in the seat next to him.
"This one's for you," said Yoshi, handing Pikachu a small package.
"Thanks man! Right, this one," said Pikachu as he reached for a medium sized package, "is for you!"
The two exchanged gifts and began opening them.
"Ooh, what kind of seeds are these?" asked Pikachu.
"Fire Flower. They're the special kind that I use to regulate the temperature in the greenhouse. You'll be able to grow your berries all year round now," said Yoshi.
"Wow! Thanks, man! Oh, by the way, open the box. Had to pad yours a bit to make sure it didn't break."
Yoshi proceeded to open the box and dig through the packing.
"Whoa! Where'd you find this lamp? The glasswork is beautiful!"
"I know a glassblower that makes the most epic stuff."
"Thanks dude!"
Suddenly, there was a burst of static from the speakers. Yoshi and Pikachu looked up to see Jigglypuff and Isabelle standing on the stage, next to the tree. Yoshi winced as Jigglypuff inflated himself to about twice his normal size and began bellowing into the mic.
"ATTENTION MAGGOTS! THE GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE STARTING NOW!"
The room began to settle down. As it did, Yoshi sighed. Why did the quality control have to be the resident drill sergeant?
"As the quality of Secret Santa gifts has dropped DRAMATICALLY over the last few years, Master Hand has put ME in charge of ensuring that gifts are of acceptable quality!" boomed Jigglypuff. "THESE ARE THE RULES! First of all, there will be ABSOLUTELY no Smashtube merch!"
"Booooo!" shouted Popo from somewhere in the crowd. "My Smashtube merch is awesome!"
"NOBODY WANTS YOUR SMASHTUBE MERCH SALT SHAKERS!" shouted Wario from somewhere in the crowd.
"I'LL DRINK TO THAT!" shouted Wolf from somewhere else in the crowd.
"PREACH, BROTHER!" bellowed Bowser from elsewhere.
Jigglypuff turned back to the rest of the crowd. "SECOND! All gifted articles of clothing must be within 2 sizes of the recipient!"
Off to their left, Palutena sighed and hung her head.
"Don't worry, Lady Palutena, I'm sure that the third year's the charm!" said Pit.
"You know it's gonna be more like 33rd year's the charm," said Dark Pit.
"That's not true, Pittoo!" said Pit.
"Listen, I had to donate last year's sweater to Pichu and the year before that, I donated that year's sweater to DK. I'm not holding my breath," said Dark Pit.
"THIRD! There will be no prank gifts for the purposes of Secret Santa!" boomed Jigglypuff.
From across the aisle, Sans scratched his chin. "Y'know, something tells me that the bottle finely aged milk I brought last year wasn't received as well as I'd hoped. Man, wouldn't it be nice if Santa got all these guys a sense of humor this year?"
"Uh huh. Sure," said Issac from next to him.
"FOURTH! There will be no explosives or otherwise trapped gifts! These are banned, not only for being a safety hazard, but also a fire hazard! Remember this, there is nothing as unfestive as a BURNING MANSION, MAGGOTS!"
Yoshi looked over and saw Samus and Ridley shooting each other death glares.
"And lastly, YOU WILL ALL HAVE FUN! FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN A 500 SMASH COIN FINE TO COVER THE COST OF A REPLACEMENT GIFT, WHICH WILL BE PROVIDED BY MS. ISABELLE! AM I UNDERSTOOD, MAGGOTS?"
Jigglypuff was greeted with a couple yawns and a few half hearted assents.
"I'll take that as a yes. VERY GOOD! We will begin! Ms. Isabelle, will you please draw the first gift giver and recipient?"
"Yes sir!" said Isabelle cheerily. She reached into a Santa hat that she'd brought with her. She handed a folded piece of paper to Jigglypuff.
"The first recipient is Duck Hunt! The first gift giver is Steve! STEP FORWARD!"
As Steve and the Duck Hunt trio got up from their seats, Pikachu leaned over and whispered, "Man, is this the future of Christmas? Even the threat of Jigglypuff being given full control of the Secret Santa actually wasn't enough to make sure people gave better gifts?"
"Dunno man, apparently none of us know how to give good gifts or something," said Yoshi. "I mean, I got hit with the youtube merch train two years ago, I'm not completely opposed if it means I get a decent Secret Santa this year."
Pikachu gave him a look.
Yoshi just chuckled and leaned back into his seat. "Ok, it wasn't worth having Jigglypuff in charge."
"That's better," said Pikachu, rolling his eyes. "But I remember that, that sucked for you. Kirby bailed you out that year, right?"
"Yeah, he did. It was awful nice of him," said Yoshi. "Apparently, Steve got him more food than he could eat in one setting."
"Man, how does he do that?" said Pikachu.
"I have no idea."
On the stage, Duck Hunt and Steve lined up, facing each other.
"PRESENT GIFT!" boomed Jigglypuff.
Steve handed the trio a box that they proceeded to open.
Pikachu just sighed. "I still can't believe that it came to this."
"Don't worry buddy," said Yoshi. "We're all in this together. And anyway, my future is free of Cooking with Popo cupholders in my stocking! So, I think it's not a complete loss!"
"They're not that bad, are they?" asked Pikachu.
"I mean they function as cupholders, I guess? They're still the embodiment of disappointment to get though. You can feel the excitement for Christmas exit your body when you open a gift and see those things. It's like listening to whatever Christmas song that gets overplayed to death that year for the 10th time while standing in a 3 hour line to buy your nephew socks for Christmas," said Yoshi.
"So, Yoshi was not amused?" asked Pikachu.
"Yoshi was very much not amused," said Yoshi.
Duck Hunt and Steve exited the stage as Hunt barked happily. Thankfully, it had started with a hit. Steve, for one, knew how to give a decent gift.
"Well, if nothing else, Jigglypuff doesn't have control over meals," said Pikachu.
"That's a relief," said Yoshi. "Maybe it will be just like the second year of Melee?"
"Oh, you mean the one where Bowser got Mario a bomb-om and Young Link got Ganondorf a Bombchu?"
"I remember that," said Pikachu. "Good thing Mario is bomb squad certified."
"Yup, he's got that certification next to his medical license and his construction license. He's awful proud of that one," said Yoshi.
"Where's that on his wall?" asked Pikachu.
"If you find his teaching license and go up three rows, its three to the left," said Yoshi. "You find the teaching license, go up past the dentist license, past the food handling license, and then reach the forklift license. From there, you go left past his Mechanical Engineering PHD, his plumbing license, and construction license. If you take his world series trophy, and draw a diagonal line from the top of it to the left, you get there."
"…..what doesn't Mario have a license, PhD, or world championship in?" asked Pikachu.
"Astrophysics. He got lazy after meeting Rosalina," said Yoshi.
"Lazy. Uh huh," said Pikachu.
"Well, lazy for Mario, at any rate," said Yoshi. "Remember how he got a genetics PhD to cure Snake's aging thing?"
"Oh yeah, I remember that," said Pikachu. "I mean, did he really learn it all that well? It didn't work the first time, poor Snake had to take the entire fourth tournament off to recover from it."
"Second time was the charm," said Yoshi.
Pikachu just sighed. "I hope so. For Snake's sake."
"The next recipient is Ganondorf! The next gift giver is Shulk! STEP FORWARD!" boomed Jigglypuff.
"Y'know, that brings me back. Remember that one year in Brawl when Ganondorf got Marth an Ike body pillow?" said Pikachu.
"Oh yeah, I remember that," said Yoshi. "I think that was the only time Master Hand let anybody off the hook for fighting outside the arena."
"Nah, remember the Christmas before when Sonic accidentally gave Falcon that embroidered jacket?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh yeah! I remember that!" said Yoshi. "Man, Falcon almost caught Sonic too. I've never seen him run so fast. Man that was an awful embroidering to misspell. Like how on earth did they misspell it as 'Crapton Failcon'?"
"Yeah, it's a good thing we have telepaths here, it would have taken forever to get that sorted without Ness and Lucas helping out," said Pikachu.
"Do you know if they ever found out what happened?" asked Yoshi.
"So, I heard this secondhand from Pokemon Trainer, but what he heard from Lucas was that Sonic was as surprised as the rest of us," said Pikachu. "Sonic legitimately thought nothing was wrong with the embroidery since he wrapped the package it came in and didn't get a look at the embroidering until it was too late. Our best theory was that somebody tried to sabotage him."
"I feel like it had to be Eggman. Nobody else hates him that much, not even Shadow. Actually, that reminds me, remember how Sonic gave Zelda a couple of really generic boxes of chocolate that first year of the fourth tournament?" asked Yoshi. "I wonder if it happened again to him, but he caught it just in time and didn't have time to come up with anything else?"
"Maybe," said Pikachu. "Your guess is as good as mine. Sonic never talks about it."
"The next recipient is Little Mac! The next gift giver is Piranha Plant!"
"Though that reminds me of when Wolf got Luigi a severed Aparoid head back in Brawl," said Pikachu.
"Hey now, that ended up being cool!" said Yoshi. "Luigi got it stuffed and mounted to his dining room wall back home!"
"Yeah, but you remember how well Mario took it?"
"Oh. Yeah. I do," said Yoshi. "Y'know, now that I think about it, I really do think that that us Smashers aren't very good at getting specifically Secret Santa gifts for one another. The gifts I've gotten outside of the Secret Santa have never been truly bad."
"Other than Popo giving everybody his own Smashtube merch last year," said Pikachu.
"He's the exception here, mixing marketing with presents is never a good idea. He'll learn. Hopefully," said Yoshi.
"The next recipient is Pikachu! The next giver is Terry! You will now proceed to the stage!" boomed Jigglypuff.
"Gotta go," said Pikachu. "I've got one more gift to deliver on the way back to Incineroar. I'll meet you at brunch?"
"Sounds good! I hope you get something good!" said Yoshi.
"Yeah, you too!" said Pikachu. "I'd better hurry. Cya!"
Yoshi leaned back in his chair as Pikachu scampered up to the stage to receive his gift.
They'd had a lot of questionable gifts given over the years, that was true. But maybe, just maybe it wasn't all bad. Other than the Cooking with Popo shirt he'd received that hadn't survived its first wash cycle. That was pretty bad.
"OBJECTION!" screeched Jigglypuff. "TWINKIES ARE IN VIOLATION OF RULE 3, NO PRANK GIFTS!"
Oh boy. Maybe he'd spoken too soon.