Pairings: Eruri
Ratings: M
Warnings: Character Death.
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

Author's Notes: Happy Birthday, Levi.

Chapter 1

855 - December 24

The fire crackled in loudly on the hearth, drawing Levi's attention to it.

Levi scowled at Gabi's concern and then wheeled himself close to the fire. Heat always helped with his chronic pain. Whenever the waves of ache would roll through his damaged muscles, he would seek some heat, even in the dead of summer. It was stupid on his part to have stayed beside the open window for so long, but his mind had been on the east. It had been several months since the Rumbling had occurred, and many of his surviving friends and comrades had returned to Paradise. He was one of the few who hadn't.

At first, it was because the trip would be difficult in a wheelchair. Then, it was because the weather turned bad. Now, it was because it was the dead of winter and the cold caused his bones to throb painfully for most of the day and night. One of his only solaces was heat, and that was hard to maintain when travelling. But Levi had other reasons he didn't want to acknowledge that prevented him from returning to Paradise. There was so many memories, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to confront them. There was also the matter of where he would call 'home.' There was no longer an Underground City to go back to, not that he would ever return there. Yet it had been the first place he had called home. After that, it had been within Wall Rose, in the Survey Corps lodgings. This was also no longer an option.

'I don't even know how Paradise would look now,' Levi realized, noting how much time had passed. 'With all the exposure to governments and cities that Paradise never had before, I wonder if the days of monarchy and districts are over?'

Levi watched the fire crackle with tired eyes. He raised his gaze to settle on the hook of the crane, which was turned perpendicular to the flames. In Paradise, they would use the cranes to hang kettles and cooking pots. In Marley, fireplace cranes were ornamental. In fact, they were often seen as basic house accents that were only used to paid homage to historical tools. Many locals, especially the upperclass citizens, would often called such tools and decorations 'primitive' and chose not to have any in their residences. Levi had come to learn and even enjoy the technology of electricity, including the range that allowed him to boil his kettles without having to build any fires under them. As he gazed at the fireplace crane, he found himself longing to hang a kettle on it and watch the stream rise up the chimney shaft. There was a sense of nostalgia in it for him that he hadn't anticipated; a sense of home and familiarity.

'Of him,' Levi acknowledged.

Levi turned his gaze to the plaid blanket that he had draped over his legs. He placed a hand on his thigh and ran his fingertips over the fabric, using the tactile stimuli to ground himself in the present moment. Thoughts of Erwin, especially after the Rumbling, left him feeling slightly out of touch with reality.

'Were he alive, I would be with him,' Levi acknowledged, feeling the familiar ache in his chest throb dully as he thought of the blonde. 'It wouldn't matter where we were because my home was always at his side.'

"Tea, Levi?"

Gabi's voice was close to Levi, and he turned face her. With his disfigured eye, he had a smaller frame of vision. Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed her approach with a cup of tea, which she was holding out to him.

"Oh," Levi acknowledged her and held out his hand, accepting the cup. "Thank you, Gabi." He murmured.

Gabi smiled and nodded.

Levi noted the look of understanding in her brown eyes. He also picked up the subtle anxiety that she tried her best to hide from him.

'She probably knows I'm distract,' Levi sipped his tea. 'Or she's worried that I'm homesick. I suppose I am.'

Levi gazed at the fire once again. He dropped his free hand to his knee, massaging it half-heartedly. His thoughts returned to his life with Erwin, immediately wondering what the blonde would say to him in this moment.

'He'd probably tease me for wanting to use a fireplace crane to boil my kettle when our soldiers died so we could learn the truth about Marley and its electrical ranges.' Levi shook his head, then sipped his tea. 'But he would understand it. Perhaps he would even entertain it. Just for tonight.'

Levi turned his gaze back toward the window, which Falco had taken to standing at. The younger man had reached out and pulled the pane back into place, shutting the cold out but marring the perimeter of the glass with early frost. Levi looked past Falco, his eyes tracing a path through the sky up to the moon.

'The full, silver moon,' Levi acknowledged. 'As it is every year on my birthday.'

Levi felt a wave of anguish rush throughout him, so he turned his attention back to the fireplace. His hand holding his teacup trembled, so he placed it in his other hand for support, holding his tea in his lap.

Levi turned his gaze to the grandfather clock, noting that it was a minute to midnight.

'This is my first birthday without war. Without the threat of titans. Without having to fight for scraps of food in the Underground. This should be a birthday I am joyous to celebrate. But instead, I am grieved. It feels… like a loss.'

Levi looked up and turned his face toward Gabi, who had curled up on the sofa closest to the fire.

"I'm 38," Levi announced, then fell silence as the grandfather clock tolled out its first chime.

Gabi and Falco were silent as the clock continued its strikes until it concluded its ritual of 12. As the clock struck, Falco made his way to the sofa as well, coming to sit on the opposite side of Gabi, anticipating conversation.

'It seems Falco was always uneasy about my mood today,' Levi realized. 'Thoughtful of them, to have left me my space. It's only fair i explain.'

"You're 38?" Gabi repeated once the clock fell silent. Her tone was full of curiosity.

"It's my birthday," Levi quietly explained, though his tone was tainted with amusement. His lips twisted into a crooked smile as Gabi's face lit up with surprise and excitement.

"Why didn't you let us know before?" Falco demanded.

"We must've missed it last year." Gabi realized. "The Rumbling was over by the Winter. We should have—" She fell silent as she watched Levi shake his head.

"It was not a year for celebration, Gabi." Levi solemnly stated. "There was much to rebuild. We lost too many to celebrate a birthday."

"It's never—" Falco began to protest.

Gabi placed a hand on his shoulder to silence him, understanding that the year was full of more loss for Levi than he would admit to them.

"Thank you for telling us this year." She smiled at him warmly.

"I still wish we knew sooner," Falco whined. "We could have bought a cake!"

Levi chuckled softly. "Is that the tradition here then?" He teased them, trying to lighten the mood as he noted the concern in Gabi's expression.

"Do you not have cakes in Paradise?"

"We do. I never had it for birthdays though. It was too extravagant for a soldier's salary. Typically, we would spend our wages on gifts for each other. So no one ever bothered with food. For our celebrations, there was mostly booze."

"But you don't drink," Gabi nodded understandingly.

"They'd buy me tea." Levi smiled and looked at the cup in his lap, thinking of how his squad would often have to pool their wages to afford a box of it.

Gabi realized how her action of sharing a cup of tea with Levi may have brought him both comfort and memories of many he lost. She looked down at the cup in her hand too, then raised it up in cheers.

"Happy birthday, Levi!"

"Yeah, Levi! Happy birthday!" Falco added.

Levi looked at the two youngsters and smiled, seeing so many of his friends mirrored in their expressions of joy: Isabel and Furlan, Hange and Miche, Petra and Oluo…

"Thank you," he responded in a tone of warmth. Still, Levi couldn't bring himself to smile.

'I'm finally as old as Erwin was when he… passed. I closed the gap between us, which feels like a twisted experience. It just doesn't feel right that I am here and he isn't.'

"You miss him, don't you?" Gabi asked, her voice timid as she broached the sensitive subject. She -like many others- knew of Levi's bond with the thirteenth commander, though she wasn't aware of just close they were. She had also become familiar with identifying when Levi was thinking of him; there was an air of sorrow he exuded at times when he was lost in thought about him.

"You are very perceptive, Gabi," Levi complimented her, though his gaze stayed on his teacup. As usual, he offered no explanation when the conversation turned to the topic of Erwin.

Just as he anticipated, Levi felt anxious after sharing a fact about himself or his life back home. It wasn't that he minded sharing details of his life with the Marleyans, but he remained reserved toward them and their curiosity often dug into his private life. Levi had been a civil servant for long enough, and a criminal before that, so details of his private life were often something he would avoid sharing. The war with the titans was one thing, but who he felt at home with… that was another matter entirely. And one that he was not going to discuss with the Marleyans.

Levi finished his tea and adjusted his chair so that he could place the cup on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry, Gabi. I'm tired," Levi explained curtly, then turned his wheels and began to make his way to his bedroom. As he left the living room, he called back a "goodnight!"

Gabi watched him go, knowing that Levi had retreated because he was emotional.

"I wish he would let us in for once," she murmured to Falco, then sighed as she heard Levi's room door close softly.

"Do you think he'll go back to Paradise?" Falco asked instead, his own voice quiet. "He seems homesick."

"No," Gabi shook her head. "I think he would have left already if he wanted to return. But I'm not sure if he wants to stay here either."

"Maybe he doesn't know what he wants?"

"Maybe he's depressed?"

The two gazed down the hall toward Levi's door.

"Well, he has us," Falco tried to sound positive. "I'm sure he knows that."

"He does," Gabi agreed.

Levi paused to let his eye adjust to the dimmer light in his bedroom. He didn't bother switching on the main light and his lamp was on the bedside table, so he waited until his impaired sight adjusted before he rolled toward his bed. He reached out and switched on his lamp then, blinking as he readjusted to the sudden notable brightness.

Levi opened his lower nightstand drawer and pulled out a pair of clean pajamas. He placed his blanket on the foot of his bed, then stood with a groan and the support of his nightstand, which he used to brace himself against. He shimmied his slacks off, then pulled on his pajamas bottoms before he sat down on his bed with a heavy sigh. He found the nighttime ritual of changing into clothing to sleep in still unusual, as he never owned a pair of pajamas before in his life. At first it was because he was too poor, but later on it was because of his insomnia.

'What's the point of changing when I'll only be asleep for a few hours?' Levi chuckled to himself, amused by his logic, and began to unbutton his dress shirt. 'If an attack happened, I would be ready. And I would be up soon enough. Why bother fighting to get out and back into the ODMG harnesses if for something as uneventful as sleep? Well, look who has pajamas now? ODMG harnesses… I wouldn't mind not having to wear those for the rest of my life.'

Levi shrugged out of his shirt, then paused to gaze at his body. His eyes followed the linear scars that appeared almost branded into him. The darkest were the marks over his shoulders and across his chest, but they also followed down his sides and some circled his arms from the recent upgrades.

'We all share these scars,' Levi frowned, tracing along the dark scar on his chest toward his right arm. He paused for just a moment, hesitating, before he traced his fingertip along his bicep. He paused where Erwin's arm had been amputated, recalling the mark on his own body as if it were his own injury. In place of the amputation, Levi's bicep bore a circular scar from the anti-titan gear, which Erwin never had worn.

A tear escaped Levi's left eye and rolled down his cheek, falling with a soft splash onto his arm. He wiped it away, then pulled on his pajamas shirt. After, he tossed his dress shirt onto his wheelchair, turned off the bedside lamp, and slipped under his bedsheets.

The sheets were cold, causing Levi to hiss as his muscles ached in response. His toes curled, and he sighed, shifting to get comfortable. Despite the months that had passed since the Rumbling, he still found it difficult to adjust to sleeping in a bed. Even before living in Rose District, Levi had grown accustomed to sleeping in chairs, at tables, or even—rarely—standing up. The Underground was a dangerous place, and he had to be alert and ready at all times.

'Birthdays weren't celebrated much either,' Levi reflected, his gaze shifting to the starry sky that was visible through the light fabric of his curtains. 'Any special kind of day would be abused by the locals for free food or services. Others would become agitated that someone else's day was special.'

Levi shuddered, recalling the dirt, stench, and grime of the Underground all too vividly. The sound of raspy coughs and drunken shouting echoed from the recesses of his memory. Levi brought the cold blankets closer to his chin, glancing to his disfigured hand to ground himself in the present.

'I spent 26 years down there,' Levi realized. 'And then some. Over a quarter of a century in that Hellhole. I can't remember much of my childhood anymore. I can barely remember my mother's face. She was mostly working. But she got me shoes one year. I do remember that.'

Levi wiggled his toes under the blankets. His left leg tensed slightly in response. It wasn't that he couldn't use his leg at all; just that the muscle was badly damaged and weakened. He could manage to stand for short periods of time, often with the assistance of counters or tables, but such behaviour led to flare ups of his chronic pain. Despite the scars the Titan Wars had caused him, Levi still found that the feeling of wiggling his toes in remembrance of his birthday shoes joyous.

'My last birthday there was quiet because the Military Police began to investigate the trafficked gas tanks,' Levi smirked.

The memory amused him. Furlan's crew had been careful, but not careful enough. They had to pay off a barkeeper to stash their gas tanks amongst his craft beer kegs since they didn't want to risk keeping them in their residence. The Military Police weren't known for raids, but Levi wasn't sure if they would commit any over stolen gear.

'Thanks to those pigs I spent the dreariest birthday in that shithole. At least Kenny would always bring something for me from Above. A new knife. Tea leaves. Half a roast chicken. Even a nice broom that once. He wouldn't have fucked up that mission and settled on a cold dinner of stale bread in the dimly-lit cellar. There would still be a party, raid or no raid. And if the police showed up, well, Kenny would give them shit for interrupting a celebration over the gear they managed to misplace. I still can't believe that guy turned to serving the MP, leading them.'

Levi frowned, recalling his final conversation with Kenny. He could still envision the way the tall man appeared, badly burned and depleted.

"What should keep me going now?" Levi asked himself aloud. "What is going to be my drive now that the titans are gone and Erwin has passed away?"

'When Kenny had no more drive, he passed away. I wonder if I will pass the same way? Peacefully, in my sleep? When I have lived out enough life to honour all those who sacrificed their lives for our freedom. Gunther. Eld. Oluo. Petra. Hange. Miche. Erwin…

Levi's thoughts stopped racing through the memories of his fallen comrades.

'I was 26 when I met Erwin,' Levi reflected, turning to gaze at his wheelchair in the moonlight. The metal spokes on the wheels appeared illuminated in the silver light of the full moon despite the curtains.

'Those first few years I spent with the Corps were so progressing that I didn't even realize when my birthday passed.' Levi chuckled to himself. 'There was just so much to learn about the world: the inner workings of the government, our interactions with the Garrison, all the districts and maps, planning for the excursions, and everything we knew about titans… There wasn't a day we could afford to spare on personal thoughts. If we weren't recording our findings and detailing our mission logs as often as we did, we probably wouldn't have even notice the years fly by.'

A sense of calm spread throughout Levi, easing the ache in his tired body. While he wasn't aware of it, these years were the start of a period of comfort for him. This was the golden era for the Survey Corps that Levi knew and dedicated his heart to; their heyday. His squad was worked to the bone day in and day out, but they made so much progress charting out the lands beyond the walls and learning as much as they could about titans. Despite the danger that their work carried, things were still exciting and inspiring. Any theory was possible, and the world was full of marvels.

It was during one of their most successful excursions that he celebrated his birthday with Erwin for the first time. The Survey Corps had finally made it to a landmark that they had been eyeing for many months, which happened to be an old outpost to the east of Soritansoir District. While their horses were tired and eager for rest, many of the soldiers were excited to explore the abandoned structure and make detailed logs. Others were just excited to have accomplished something that they could share with their family and friends as bragging rights for having reached such a distance outside the safety of the walls.

Erwin and Levi had spent the afternoon setting up camp and documenting their inventory. They had dinner that Miche's squad was responsible for cooking, then spent the evening doing some of their own exploring of the structure. By nightfall, they had taken to walking along the widow's walk to keep watch for any titans. Despite being high positions of authority, both Levi and Erwin had fallen into a habit of taking a watch shift during the nights. At first, Erwin hadn't always joined Levi, being unaware of his insomnia. But after he learned that Levi often stayed up late into the night, he began to join him and use their off-hours to get to know him on a person level.

Recently, due to the top brass pushing for some grand achievement for the Survey Corps to maintain their amount of government funding, even Erwin and Levi's off-hours had become consumed with work talk. But since the top brass wouldn't be able to dispute the level of achievement an excursion this far from the walls was, the pair found themselves strangely at ease despite being in titan territory.

Levi always appreciated being able to spend nights outside after arriving Above. Erwin never fully understood it and his curiosity has gotten the better of him. It had been just over three years since Levi had joined the Survey Corps, and while they were growing closer, there was still a lot about the man that Erwin didn't know yet.

"You like heights."Erwin had let the statement hang in the air between them.

Levi had turned to smile at Erwin, unsurprised by his observation. "When you spent as long as I did underground, being as far away from the ground is one of the most comfortable things."

"I'll bet. It would be nice to have a widows walk at the barracks back home."

"The top brass would never approve," Levi had chuckled softly. "It would be quite a hefty project since it was never part of the original architecture, and I suppose we don't need it like these buildings out here do. If we need a vantage point, we could always use the walls or the watchtowers."

"You enjoy walking on the Walls." Again, it had been a statement.

Levi nodded, but the smile had slipped from his face. "You can see the whole world from up there," he breathed.

"It feels like it," Erwin had agreed. "But I'm certain that these lands we are seeing right now are just the start. No one knows for sure just how far these lands extend. And what then? Water? Mountain? I believe this world is far more vast that anyone in the Walls ever realizes, and I'm determined to find out just how vast this world is."

Levi turned his gaze to Erwin, admiring how the silver light of the full moon highlighted his pale skin and brighten his blue eyes. His heart began to beat harder in his chest, inspired by Erwins dedication to the pursuit of the truth. It was clear to him in moments like these exactly why Erwin was the commander of the Survey Corps.

Levi had been aware that his admiration for Erwin was not just because the blonde was an exemplary leader. At first Levi had assumed that his feelings for Erwin were another rare platonic bond that he had formed, similar to how he viewed Furlan as his brother. However, Levi had soon realized that he felt unfulfilled by this connection. He wanted more.

A slight breeze had pick up and tugged at their emerald cloaks as they had continue gazing out at the expense of land and conversing. Levi had tried to ignore the flutters of anxiety he felt as he listened to Erwin speak. He longed to take his hand in his own, but he was sure the commander did not share his desire for physical closeness. Instead, Levi wrapped his cloak around himself and held his biceps, ensuring that he didn't make any spontaneous movements. He had remained leaning against one of the bilateral pillars of the widows walk, his shoulders relaxed, and he watched Erwin with a thoughtful expression.

Erwin had stopped in one of his passionate speeches about free lands and turned his gaze away from the open fields. He caught Levi watching him and a smile crossed his lips.

"Wh-what?" Erwin had asked, surprised.

"Nothing," Levi had shaken his head and looked away.

"What are you thinking?" Erwin adopted a playful tone.

Levi's response had been to shake his head again.

"You're holding out on me. Is it a secret, captain?"

Levi had felt his cheeks turn warm. Erwin's playful side amused him, and he was awed each time he got to see it. When Erwin was playful, he appeared more like a man his age, with less worries and more of a carefree spirit. Levi had often wondered how Erwin would live if they succeeded in their goals of finding an alternative life outside the threat of titans.

"I suppose." Levi relented, knowing Erwin wouldn't stop prying.

"Will you tell me?"

Erwin's question caught Levi by surprise. He hadn't expected the blonde to be so bold.

"Sure," Levi shrugged, then stepped away from the pillar. He looked out at the fields, then raised his eyes to observe the sky full of stars above them. "Isabel always used to ask me what we would do once we got citizenships Aboveground. I told her I'd open a shop; a cafe or a bakery."

Erwin had remained still as Levi moved and began to speak. He had anticipated that Levi would reject his request with a smartass comment, so he took it seriously when Levi began to share. At Levi's confession, he couldn't hold back a laugh.

"What?" Levi demanded, surprised by Erwin's laughter. "Tck, bastard. It was stupid to tell you."

"No," Erwin waved his hand. "No, it wasn't. I just… You wanted to open a bakery? Really?"

"You think I'm lying?"

"Levi, you don't cook. Ever."

"I was never assigned to. I'm always assigned prep: peel potatoes, gather firewood, haul water over. I'm a damn good cook, Erwin." Levi had gloated.

Erwin's eyes had shimmered with a newfound respect as he gazed at Levi. "You don't say," he murmured, realizing that the smaller man was correct.

"Living off the scraps of the rich, you have to be to make trash edible."

"I'm gonna have them assign you to cook one night," Erwin replied. "I have to try your culinary skills out before I leave this world."

Levi chuckled. "That you do."

"Do you still want to?" Erwin shrugged. "Open a bakery, I mean?"

"If all of this wasn't happening," Levi waved his hand out toward the open field, indicating the impact of the titans forcing them to remain within the Walls. "Then, sure. Somewhere far away though." He met Erwin's eyes again, tilting his head slightly as he gazed up at him out of the corners of his eyes.

"Why far away?"

"Like you said, the world is vast." Levi returned his gaze to the skyline. "I'd like to see how vast it is. And it would be nice, to get away from everything here. All the memories. Ghosts."

Erwin followed Levi's gaze and nodded. "I see."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, I told you a secret. It's only fair you tell me one. What would you do if this—" Once again, Levi pointed out toward the fields. "Wasn't a problem?"

Erwin chuckled. "Ah," he ground his teeth. "It's hard to say. I'd want to travel. I see it all. But… if there isn't a lifetime's worth of places to see, if I got too old or weary, then… I think I'd like to be a writer. Maybe a teacher? I don't think I'll have children of my own, but it would be nice to pass on my knowledge."

"Your soldiers here aren't enough?"

"Hah!"

"No, seriously. You haven't had enough paperwork?"

"What other skills would I have?" Erwin turned to face Levi.

Levi instinctively turned to face Erwin, his expression perplexed. "What kind of stupid question is that?" He sneered. "You're commander. You have lots of transferable skills."

"Most of my skills are physical: fight training, operating the omnidirectional gear. I am a specialized combat strategist. And I work under tight budgets and can argue cases for funding." Erwin shrugged. "In a world of peace, where would these skills land me?"

"As you said, you can work with money management or law."

"I am not licensed as an accountant or a lawyer, Levi."

Levi's eyes narrowed, and he realized he was breathing heavily. The fact that Erwin was not equipped for many other jobs was something that he had overlooked since the blonde was a very skilled soldier and a gifted leader. He realized now that Erwin was right, and out of the two of them, he had a better chance of establishing himself outside of the army.

"Maybe… maybe there won't be peace?" He had shrugged. "Maybe we would find other lands with other wars and your expertise would be useful then?"

"Or maybe you can open a cafe and let me write at a table in the corner?" Erwin had smirked.

Levi had smacked Erwin's arm and shook his head. He took the opportunity as he looked away to hide his blush; his heart skipped a beat in response to Erwin joking about remaining close with him after the titan wars.

"I suppose I'd have to. I haven't fought at your side this entire time only to watch you starve."

Erwin laughed as he rubbed his arm. He was quiet as he gazed up at the stars for a moment, contemplating before he spoke again.

"Tell me another secret."

Levi had noted how close to each other they were now standing, so he mirrored Erwin and remained staring at the stars, remaining side-by-side with him. He contemplated rejecting Erwin's request, but he wasn't ready to end their conversation yet. It felt good to speak to Erwin on such a personal level, and he admittedly wanted to see if he could gain any more comments that would reassure him about Erwin's longterm friendship after the wars.

"Levi?" Erwin's voice wavered slightly, indicating that he wasn't sure if Levi was deliberately ignoring him or not.

"Um," Levi had began, trying to think of a secret that he felt comfortable sharing with Erwin. The few that immediately came to mind involved the feelings he had toward the commander, and he wasn't going to reveal those to anyone anytime soon.

'Something he doesn't know about me. Something he'd be interested in. Something generic. Safe. Special. Don't overthink it.' Levi had though, his eyes tracing stars as he scanned the sky for inspiration. He inhaled as he noted the full moon, this time using it to recall the day's date.

"It's my birthday." Levi had mumbled.

"It's what?" Erwin had gasped, his expression perplexed.

"My birthday," Levi turned to face Erwin. "December 25th. It's my birthday."

"No way!" Erwin breathed. "I've known you all this time and you never mentioned it."

"Honestly, I forgot all about it."

"You forgot your own birthday?!"

"We've been so busy with the campaigns for funding and planning excursions. I just realized it now, actually."

"That's crazy, Levi! We… we should celebrate it. I'll get Hange to—"

"No. Don't tell four-eyes. I don't want it to be a big thing."

"But—"

"It's fine."

"Well, let me tell you happy birthday then." Erwin smiled at Levi. "Can I ask you how old you're turning?"

Levi had chuckled. "How old do you think I'm turning?"

"That's not fair," Erwin had protested. "Do you honestly think I'd ask if I knew?"

"Guess."

"I asked first."

"It's my birthday."

"Shit."

Levi laughed.

Erwin had shaken his head and chuckled, prepared to surrender without an answer.

"29."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I thought you were younger."

"Everyone does."

"It's the height."

"I know."

The pair had chuckled again, amused by their banter.

"I don't have a gift for you," Erwin frowned.

"That's fine." Levi ignored the thought of a kiss that crossed his mind. He closed his eyes to keep the fantasy a secret.

"It's not." Erwin turned and took Levi's left hand in his own.

Levi immediately opened his eyes, taken aback by the contact.

Erwin held his hand firmly. "Would you accept a random fact as a gift?"

"Sure," Levi nodded. He tried to keep his heartbeat steady, hoping Erwin wouldn't notice his flush.

"In one of the books I read on history of the world, the 25th of December was a grand holiday. In fact, it was largely celebrated by majority of the world. Many would decorate trees with glass bobbles and shiny paper and exchange gifts. Some believe it was the day a saviour to humanity was born." Erwin grinned.

Levi raised an eyebrow and chuckled dryly. "A saviour?"

"Well, they regarded him as one. I suppose it's quite a fitting day for you to be born. Humanity's strongest and all."

Levi smirked at the title. "Yeah, I suppose so."

A comfortable silence enveloped the pair. Levi had left his hand in Erwin's, unsure of if he should take it back or wait for the blonde to release him. Truthfully, he was enjoying the feeling of his hand surrounded by Erwin's.

"Are you sure I can't organize a dinner or something for you?" Erwin had asked, rubbing the back of Levi's hand with his thumb.

"It's fine."

"A toast?"

"I don't want the attention."

Levi watched Erwin's shoulders sag, and he realized the blonde wanted to celebrate. He felt his heart sink as he realized he was denying Erwin that celebration. 'He must really want to celebrate me, the old fool. I suppose he finds the whole saviour to humanity detail too coincidental to overlook. Shit.'

"Oi," he found himself addressing Erwin, shaking his hand to catch the commander's attention. Levi's heart skipped a beat as Erwin raised his gaze to meet his eyes. "A toast—" Levi sighed. "Actually, a toast would be nice, Erwin."

Erwin grinned, causing Levi's heart to pound against his sternum with happiness.

"Thank you, Levi. I'm sure it will brighten up many soldiers' spirits."

"Whatever."

Erwin chuckled.

"Hey, we're not done our game yet." Levi redirected their conversation, trying to distract himself from admiring the blonde.

"Hmm?"

"I told you a secret. Now you have to tell me one."

Oh. Right!"

Erwin had looked down at their hands then, and he exhaled. He glanced at Levi's face, then back at their hands, his blue eyes full of calculation. He shook their hands, drawing Levi's attention to them as well. Erwin sighed again.

Levi glanced up, intrigued. Whatever the commander was debating sharing was definitely personal.

"I— I have a lot of emotions that I don't share with anyone." Erwin began. "I'm scared of a lot of things. Terrified, really."

"We're all scared, Erwin. What we do, it's dangerous—"

"No, Levi. It's not that. I'm not scared of dying." Erwin chuckled softly, then clarified. "I'm afraid of living. What I was telling you before, not knowing what I'd do if I didn't have to be commander anymore… I've given that a lot of thought. And I know it's a slim probability that I will ever see that, but it's a scary option to me. If I die, then I die." Erwin shrugged. "I know what that means. But if I live…"

"It's endless." Levi nodded.

"Exactly." Erwin sighed. "And I don't know if I'd be alone. I don't know how many of my friends will live. And if they do, would they stay? Would they want to travel with me? Or settle somewhere else? I reject a lot of proposals and dates because I'm not sure when I will die and I can't bear the thought of leaving a partner behind, but… if I live, I'm not sure if they will stay with me if I live."

"I understand that," Levi murmured. He tried not to become hung up on Erwin's cool attitude about being asked on dates and having rejected them. Instead, he sought for a point of connection with the man. "When I lived in the Underground, it was kind of similar. People would want to make arrangements for survival, but I wanted out of that hellhole. If I got out, how many others would I have to bring with me then? And how many would sooner sell me out for a better deal?"

Erwin's eyes shimmered with relief as he found Levi understanding rather than mocking. "Exactly," he gave his head a shake. "I mean, it's not entirely the same, but yes. The question of who stays and who goes is daunting." Erwin heaved a sigh, then gazed down at Levi out of the corners of his eyes. "Don't seem so surprised. It's a nice feeling, to be validated. I never shared this concern with anyone. I wasn't sure if you would validate me. But you did."

Levi's lips twitched into a crooked smile and a soft rosy blush crossed his cheeks. "Yeah, well. If it helps, I'd stay."

Erwin smiled and his sapphire eyes twinkled in the starlight as he gazed down as Levi, trying to read his emotions. After a moment of silence, he gently tugged Levi's hand, pulling him close. He threw his arm around Levi's shoulders, embracing him.

Levi's eyes widened at the sudden movement, but he quickly recovered and threw his arms around Erwin's torso. He immediately clung to the blonde, surprised but eager for a hug from him.

"That makes me really happy, Levi," Erwin confessed, his voice accompanied by a deep rumble as Levi's ear was pressed against his chest.

"I'd follow you anywhere," Levi affirmed, his words buried against Erwin's sternum.

Erwin pulled away, maintaining their embrace but gazing down at Levi to gauge his reaction. He caressed the smaller man's cheek with the back of his fingertips, tracing the curve of his face with his knuckles.

Levi's breath caught in his throat at the intimate action. He stayed still, his gaze falling from Erwin's eyes to his lips.

Erwin read Levi's actions, carefully and hesitantly. He mirrored Levi's gaze, lowering his own to Levi's lips.

The pair breathed heavily in their embrace, neither moving or speaking in the delicate moment.

Erwin ran the pad of his thumb along Levi's cheekbone, once again caressing him. He moved a strand of his dark hair out of his eyes as he did so.

"Your turn," Erwin breathed, raising his eyes back to Levi's and reminding him of their game.

"Kiss me." Levi felt his cheek flush with warmth at the request, but he didn't regret saying the words. In this embrace, he felt safe to share this desire with Erwin. "I want you to kiss me."

Erwin had let out a soft groan of approval and leaned down to press his lips against Levi's. As he felt Levi's hands press against his shoulders, he deepened the kiss, moving his lips against Levi's and cradling the back of his head.

Levi had moaned softly into the kiss, vocalizing his pleasure. His heart beat heavily in his chest, and his hands trembled as he held onto the blonde.

The memory of the kiss faded as Levi turned over in his bed. He lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. His birthday at the abandoned eastern outpost was one of his favourites. The celebration that Erwin had put together, which inevitably became a dinner, was quite good. But he appreciated their game of revealing secrets to each other most. After all, it was what had led them to their first kiss. And after they returned from the outpost, it led them to confession their feelings for one another in a deeper conversation that could have in the privacy of Erwin's office.

'I never realized it in the moment, but my 29th birthday was a start of a new life for me. I wasn't alone anymore. Sure I had the survey corpse for some time before that, but Irwin and I have become close. It was messy, there were some arguments as we tried to figure out how to remain commander, and captain, first and foremost. But it was worth it. We had each other's back's and we could trust each other with the lives of our soldiers.'

Levi rubbed his thigh, massaging the aching muscle in his left leg. He missed Erwin's embraces and the accompanying feeling of security. Ironically, with the world at peace and titans no longer being a threat, he found himself feeling more insecure than before and craving one of those warm, solid hugs. He missed being able to share a whole conversation with somebody in just a look. He missed Erwin's voice, and how he would stutter, sometimes pausing to exhale in all of his excitement when he connected ideas together and made a new theory. Erwin's curiosity and passion for learning was contagious, and Levi found that his absence made it hard for him to ignite the passion he once could share.

Movement outside his window caught his attention, so Levi turned and sighed at the sight of falling snow. His lips curved upward in a smile as he felt an echo of curiosity and gratitude toward the flakes. He recalled when Erwin first took him out to see snow in Paradise, as the Underground never received any.

"38," Levi whispered to himself before he lay on his back and closed his eyes. "Happy 38th."