Promp #28 by argdarvey: "For a couple of weeks Donna and Harvey have started crossing a few boundaries but both are avoiding admitting it, they are basically dating but without calling it dating to keep the status quo bc you know, the firm is always a mess, and they are just enjoying themselves. With Christmas coming, will something/someone call them out and force them to make things official? Will they fight because of it? Will they go from unofficially dating to officially dating smoothly? Will it be natural or like a big couple's event? Will they go straight to marriage? Will they try and fail?"

It had started on New Years Eve, last year. A tortured January, then nothing. Then the last few weeks happened.

Last year.

Harvey had always loathed New Years Eve, the Times Square Ball Drop, the When Harry Met Sally rewatches. Naturally, he had spent numerous of them with various women- notably several years with Scottie in their common room at Harvard, with a paper cup of cheap whiskey (it took him till twenty-five to get to McCallan), a speaker and the inescapable anxiety of sealing the contents of his year with a public kiss. He had never spent New Year's eve with Donna before- always preferring to give her the night off to spend with whatever boyfriend he resented for enjoying the pleasure of her company, when he felt he could not. This year the firm was imploding; it had been restitched from its bare bones and was held together by the collective effort of its most beloved. Romantically, Donna felt a profound sense of union about this coming together of the partners to save the firm- practically, she was deeply irritated to have to spend all night working on papers, on her favourite night of the year.

Donna had watched Billy Crystal pronounce his undying, urgent love to Meg Ryan every year since she was fifteen, she had kissed as the ball dropped, kissed, and kissed again. Everyone else was leaving by 11:30pm, she could hear the echoes of Mike and Rachel and a Louis leaving, popping a champagne cork- en route probably to some rooftop terrace or downtown dive. They'd invited her of course, Rachel had begged- it was due time, apparently, that Donna got over that guy she went on a couple dates with. Frankly, Donna hadn't thought about him at all since the 'breakup', but she played along with Rachel because it was simply easier to explain than the real reason that she seemed unable to go near anyone else.

Harvey had 2 more cases to work through that night. While the others had been crouched together in the Law library drinking cartons of wine and eating Chinese takeaway (a new liberty they particularly enjoyed since the breakdown of the firm), he had been at his desk alone all night. A few times out of curiosity, Donna had apprehensively wandered to his desk, he insisted he didn't need any help and she quietly backed away. Yet, as she was beckoned to the elevator, something stopped her, and she had felt herself drawn once again to Harvey's office.

'You almost done? It's nearly- '

'Yeah, I know, honestly Donna, that's sort of the point.' Harvey admitted with a shy smile, afraid to admit on his face how glad he was that she had stayed. 'Don't tell me you're sticking around for me Red?'

She lied coyly for a few sentences about needing to finish up some stuff herself, before shrugging - 'I didn't like the idea of you being all alone. Well, on any other night I'd stay with you, it's only New Year, it's not a big deal.'

'Donna- 'He said, her pity didn't sting because, she was here.

'There'll be more Harvey. I'd rather know you're alright than be worried in a bar with the others, pretending to enjoy shitty overpriced cocktails.'

'Right, the whole annual holiday thing, sure.' Harvey tapped the sofa cushion next to him, indicating that she join him. Donna smiled softly and obliged, pouring herself, and him a tumbler of whiskey. 'Though you know full well you'd put those shitty cocktails on my card.'

Usually, it was so easy to talk to Harvey, but ever since those dates he'd caught wind of, Donna felt anything she might say could unwittingly reveal herself, draw open a wound. Steven had been hard enough for them. So, she sat in silence with him for a while, listening to his heavy breaths rustle on the printer paper he was clutching, as he exhaled with every bit of legal jargon he read. His chest was rising and falling slowly, she noticed how his shirt was pulled tight against his chest, and then released with each deep, lethargic sigh. So very subtly, Harvey's legs were leaning towards hers on the sofa, she turned her heels in towards him, hoping he'd feel less alone.

These tiny mannerisms and idiosyncrasies of Donna's were actually often very calculated, each head tilt in his direction, raised eyebrow or brush of her hand on his strong shoulders was both an encoded love letter, and a deep acknowledgment of 12 years together as friends.

Harvey continued to tut and murmur to himself, his voice rumbling low, so that Donna could feel the vibration. He seemed visibly flustered, frustrated by what he was working on. Donna took the crystal tumbler from the table, the ice knocking and jingling as she did so, and pressed it to his cheek. 'Ahh. Donna.' He breathed slowly. 'Here,' She muttered, 'Relax; no case is too hard for Harvey Specter. Drink.'

'I appreciate the sentiment Donna, and the refreshment, but this is not my idea of a great night.'

'Doesn't have to be great, does it? Start as you mean to go on.'

'Start as you mean to go on…' Harvey repeated, suddenly breaking from his hunched position, and reaching for his book of legal precedents. 'Donna, you just told me how to win this case.'

Donna had no idea what she'd really done, but Harvey was smiling now, so quietly, but it seemed lately all he did was frown- she'd take the victory.

It really didn't matter, the case, the work, the stress. Harvey would have got there anyway, it was her presence alone that was lifting his spirit, so he turned on the radio.

It was typical New Years coverage- the countdown till the ball drop- 21 minutes now- an arduous description of resident disputes over the Central Park fireworks (dog-owners, mainly), fluff pieces about children's hospitals, and easy listening smooth jazz designed specifically for 40 somethings spending the night alone. The radio was old, and the feed was crackly: Harvey was terrible at replacing things, preferring to stick with what he knew was the gold standard. Its ramblings provided the backdrop to the last bits of work, as he and Donna made small talk about the caseload and what an awful year it had been. In hindsight, they had no idea how much worse the next would be.

20 minutes passed, the night sky was a deep indigo smog, the light pollution tonight was especially bad, giving the twinkling skyscrapers a dream like quality. The work had been finished for a while now, but Harvey was underlining words and circling dates, Donna was lingering.

'Folks, it's one minute till midnight, get your champagne ready, those of us driving tonight, don't be startled by the fireworks!'

'Right. Put those papers away Harvey.' She spoke.

'Sure.' He paused, inviting her to stand by the window with him. 'Listen closely and you can actually hear people partying. Crazy.'

'Crazy people have real lives? Or crazy we're sharing them from afar?' Donna turned away from the city to look at him, his face glowing in the dark.

'Both?' He laughed. 'Turn up the radio.' She obliged.

Nearing the countdown, the radio had been playing typical cheesy hits now, from Florence and the Machine's 'You've got the love,' to the Black-Eyed Peas and Whitney Houston. They were waiting for the time ticking over with easy breath, there was no tension left. Donna's breath was almost meditative.

'10 seconds folk, lets count!'

'God, I hope next year is easier for us.'

'10, 9, 8…'

'For us?'

'7, 6, 5…'

'Donna…'

'4, 3…'

'For us or for us?'

'2, 1… Happy New Year!'

He kissed her then; it took her aback. Harvey smiled like it was nothing at all. Then he replied, 'for the firm, I mean.' Donna wanted to shove him through the window.

And it was better, till it wasn't, and however bad it was for the firm, it was so much worse for them.

That January, they fell apart, he saved her, and told her he loved her, and she left him. It felt like she had maimed herself. Harvey was a cauterised wound, a missing limb taken to save her life. Either that or she had just cut off her nose to spite her face, shot herself in the foot. It was hard to tell. Louis was being horrible to her, and in December Donna found herself thinking about something that had happened in early February that year.

'Once. That's my way of wiping the slate clean. You can accept it or not' Donna said bitterly, hating that she'd now admitted this to two people this year. Just as she was leaving, she turned around. 'And Louis, the very fact that you asked me that is offensive. Because here's what's funny- you make it seem like this is your one request to quell our differences. One easy question- 'She began to fire off but was interrupted.

Louis scowled, 'It is one easy question, Donna. And you've answered it, so would you please get out now!' He shouted at that pitch that always scared her, it was that somehow vulnerable strength she hated in him. She bit back. 'What you're really asking me is the same thing you asked me three years ago when you flamed me in that mock trial!'

[Do you love Harvey Specter?]

'Donna, I apologised for that at the time- '

'But you're asking me that question again now. Why else would you be interested in my sexual relationships? Especially with the person you hate most right now.'

'I told you, it's because I needed something personal from you!'

'It's because you needed to humanise me for one second, because the only way you could ever forgive me, is if you tell yourself I lied for that kid for a reason you'd understand- if I did it for love. Because that's something you do recognise. You say Sheila Satz is the love of your life. And you gave up everything for her, compromised yourself and got nothing out of it. That's what you're looking for.' She said, immediately stung by her own blow, realising how she'd so easily handed him her deck of cards. Naturally, he took them in his fat fists and flourished them in her face.

'And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Ophelia? Takes one to know one.'

'And what would you mean by that?'

'Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt that you, Donna, love. I'm right to look for that in you, because it's right there in blaring red lights. You'd do anything for Harvey, and it's not this special professional relationship. You're in love with him, always have been, you'll move mountains for him and get shit for it! Maybe I do see something of myself in that. But that makes us exactly the same, and yeah, Donna, you are just as pathetic as you make the rest of us seem, while you swan about saying how awesome you are, simultaneously simpering over a man who will never do a thing for you! But at least I'd never let myself be a liar for the sake of it.'

'Louis stop.' She said, quietly incensed. Donna took a step back from him, tears in her eyes. His beady eyes narrowed.

'He's never gonna love you back.' He shook his head with a cruel smile. 'Trust me, I'd know. He's gonna need you forever, but that's because he's incapable of functioning as a human being without an emotional caretaker. But he's never gonna want you. He's never going to love you like you love him.'

'Of course, he isn't! Don't you think I know that? But I don't care, Louis, because that's what love is! That's what it means to give an actual shit about someone. But I don't need to preach to the goddamn choir about that, do I? What the hell is it to you? If I say proudly that I'll be loyal to Harvey Specter, till the day I die- will that make you feel vindicated?'

'Donna.' A gravelly voice from the door.

'Not now Harvey. Fuck. Harvey.'

'I appreciate you fighting my battles for me. But you can leave Louis to me. Go.' She hung her head, knowing that when she walked out that door, the thing she had said to Rachel would really be true. She could never go back.

Harvey watched her leave, his heart pounding. Louis cowered like a cat in headlights, and Harvey standing over him was a Rolls Royce.

'You can say whatever shit you want to me. But you ever come after her again? I'll bury you. I'll protect her above anything, against anything. She is OFF LIMITS! Damn it, if you're gonna be relentless in this shit I'll let her go, get her a new job - just so she doesn't have to tolerate one more snarky goddamn piece of shit from you!'

'Wow. I was wrong about you.'

'I don't wanna hear another word out of your mouth about her.'

'Oh, it's not about her. It's about you.'

'Is this conversation billable?' Harvey snapped.

'You do love Donna.'

'No shit, Sherlock.'

'You really love her more than you need her.' Harvey's eye twitched. Caught red handed. Unashamed, really. Just surprised.

'It's none of your business.'

'You made it my business the moment you can marching in here with your threats and declarations. Declarations which should be for her, because face its Harvey- you're yelling at me; because of what you just heard. Now- with the tiniest scratches of affection for her that I'm ashamed to admit I'll always harbour- I'll tell it to you straight. You're coming at me, because you're sorry. Cause you feel guilty for what you've done to her! And you should, goddamn it!

Harvey walked out then; he felt slapped in the face, and he knew what Louis was saying was true, at least a little bit.

He went to the roof to look out at the city. So, she loved him. Was there a part of him that always knew that? It was clearly obvious to other people. He had thought about every time she'd fought him, on his own behalf, every time she'd stopped him from burning bridges, every time she'd talked him off of moral ledges. All the trivial things came to mind too. Her management of his personal affairs- family members, even girlfriends. Perhaps he didn't want to see it. If he looked into all the ways she'd been loving him all this time, how could he have ever gone back? She was the one healthy, real thing he had in his life, because she was business. And he knew how to handle business, with the formality that prevented his hubris and his flaws and his baggage from ruining it. Mostly. When it came to pleasure, everything he touched was a liability. He'd run off Zoe, Scottie, never committed to any of his little flings, either. So, she went into that formal, separate category- things to prevent from ruining. And it was partially because of her rule- but it was him when initiated their professional relationship at Pearson Hardman after the Other Time. He remembered the look on her face in that diner, if was obvious that after sleeping with him she'd wanted to try. He wanted her too- but mostly, Harvey never wanted to lose her, and her suddenly slotting into that personal category could jeopardise that. Maybe that's why he stopped Louis at the mock trial- because he didn't want to know what would happen if Donna had answered that question.

He smelled her perfume before he saw her standing behind him on the roof.

'Donna if you're here because of what I heard it's really not necessary.'

'I really think that it is.'

'We don't need to talk about it!'

'But what if we never do?' She span around to look at him in the eye.

'Is that a suggestion or…' He smiled.

'Be serious Harvey. This is our lives. What if we talk around it for the rest of time and it's just always there?'

'If what is!?' He cried, exhausted, 'I thought it would be doing you a favour not to talk about it! Our working relationship has always been as it is because we agreed not to talk about this stuff!'

'But Harvey, that was based on sex. Now you have this … power, indirectly, over me.'

'Well, I have a power over you, directly, as your boss.' He teased, but she was scowling.

'And it was bad enough with the fact that you fucked me 12 years ago- '

'Donna, if I examine my memory of that night, it was hardly me who had power over you.'

'Harvey this is your last warning!'

'I just don't see why what I heard changes anything!' He said to her, even though he knew, of course that for him, everything had changed.

'Everything has changed because you know. I know that you think that leaving this well enough alone is kinder, but it's not. You think that treating me the same is a sign of your respect for me, which is sweet. But from now on, you don't even have to earn the respect I have for you! You don't have to do anything at all! You can be a shitty asshole, and you know I'll still love you! What position do you think that puts me in?'

'Donna, I am trying my best here not to ruin what we've spent 12 years building. But please don't let me be mistaken. What you have sacrificed for me, is not unnoticed. Every ounce of time and effort you have put into repairing my damaged ass, I am grateful for. What Louis said isn't true. You don't get nothing for all of it. You have my eternal gratitude, and respect and you know it. But if I haven't made it clear enough all this time- I'll say once more- you have my love too. You have my heart, Donna, it's yours. Why else would I let you prod at it every damn day? I didn't wanna talk about it because you need to decide if it's enough for you. If it's not, you'll still have my heart. That is what you mean to me.'

There was a silence from Donna for a while.

And then Harvey's head fell into his hands.

'Shit. New Year's Eve. I fucked with your head didn't I…?' He said, ashamed.

'No… you- '

'Of course. I'm so sorry Donna. If I had known…'

'But Harvey.'

'I never should've done it- I feel awful. I'm so sorry.'

'Harvey the more you act like kissing me was the most regretful act of your life the less I can treasure that moment so would you please just stop?' Donna yelled, crying now. She started to head for the stairs, but he grabbed her arm, and was clearly not letting go. 'Please.' She begged. He let go. But she came right back anyway. Donna marched up to him and kissed him square on the mouth, kissed him like a starving soldier. She felt him buckle, as his hand found rest in her red hair which was already messed up from the wind.

'Just wanted to fuck with your head before I go.'

After that February, Donna and Harvey didn't talk, they got through what would have been a whole year at odds with each other. He didn't talk to her in the office unless it was business, he raged at Louis and Mike and anyone to cope with the loss and the grief that came with it. They say that grief is love with nowhere to go, like unspent change, heavy and cold. Working no longer alongside Donna was a horrible experience; it was torture.

Then, the next winter came, and Donna missed him more than anything, and something changed. In the office, she remained embittered with Harvey, lamenting how he'd cast her out of his life and his office. Every lunchtime she vented to Rachel, every night it felt like she was talking about him at her table in the dark. She swore she wanted to kill him, let Rachel and her Mom call him every name under the sun and persuade her that leaving him was for the best. She insisted that every moment was a regret, recounted the tales of being broken, bruised, and rejected by him. Donna forced herself to think about him being with other women, she even lobbied Scottie whenever she was in town. She couldn't be his friend. Everything about Harvey had become anathema to her. She never tired of crying into wineglasses thinking about how carelessly he had kissed her on New Year Eve, how he hadn't fought for her and told her to stay, how humiliated she had felt begging him to tell her just how he loved her. Yet, in February she had more or less got her answer to that question, and it was in no way satisfying. Now, Christmas was upon the firm, and Donna found herself thrown right back to Harvey.

It began on the 2nd of December, when she went out to watch the lights switch on in the city. After several shared jugs of eggnog with her friends, she went home alone in the dark, the quiet route along the Hudson. Donna had been desperate to clear her head, and the festive season seemed a time for reflection, maybe even forgiveness. So, strolling along the high line, staring into the black water, and the twinkling lights, she rang Harvey up. His voice just responding to her came as almost a surprise, and she told him she was afraid that everything was slipping through her fingers, her youth, her love, her time. Harvey drove to her and picked her up, she was crying. That night she slept in his bed, but they didn't touch at all. They just talked all night; about every night they had spent alone since they stopped talking. She was gone before he woke up, and in the office, they continued not to talk. It happened again two nights later, then again, the next night, and the night after that. Suddenly, every day they ignored each other, at times still loathed each other in the company of Rachel or Mike. But when the sun set, they were walking the same way home, he was opening the door to her and reaching a point of intimacy they never had before, without even making physical contact. He fought the urge to wrap her small body into his arms, as though this would cross a boundary that in their distorted logic was not being crossed by her sleeping in his bed every damn night.

Then, one night, Harvey reached over to her when she was staring out his window, looking at the city, while a Miles Davis Christmas record played softly in his bedroom. He took Donna's hand, the first touch they had shared since their kiss on the roof. Suddenly, it was so obvious that everything they had accomplished in their careers, they had done together. Harvey knew she loved him, they had established that already in the war that nearly split them open, the one that they don't talk about anymore, the one that nobody really won. Unfortunately for his sanity, it was also undeniably true that they had chosen the fork in the road. He knew this would not be the easy route, and it certainly would not be quick. Maybe it would be another 13 years. Luckily for his heart, there was an unusual sense of inevitability about touching her. This was the most intimate they had felt since the other time they don't talk about. Harvey felt the firmness and softness of her palm folded around his and he was certain of a single thing. They would be lovers, forever, someday. Not now, maybe not even next week, nor this year. But they needed each other, and it was more than before. There was such a sweet safety in that, even though he couldn't bear that every time they were back in the office, she seemed further away than ever. It was different for her. Donna always knew she would be with him one day, in some capacity, and each time she had hurt him, part of her thought that no matter what happened- he was a permanent part of her love story. Even if she had married any of her boyfriends, even at the altar, she would gaze at him in the aisle, or if she had really left the firm, years ago, for some acting gig, she would gaze at him in the audience on the opening night of her leading role on Broadway. There would always be room in Donna's heart for Harvey. Just not presently in the company of any one at work, or outside the walls of his bedroom.

'This is the beginning of something new, isn't it?' Harvey said.

'No. This is the end of pretending that we haven't been on our way here our whole lives.'

Still clinging to his hand, she pulled him into her. It surprised Harvey how familiar kissing her felt. It was like every brush of her hair against him, like each dazing afterthought her perfume left behind, like each shared whiskey glass, only so much more. Kissing Donna was the reified essence of every moment they had ever shared, distilled into the single greatest moment of his life. It wasn't radical. It was a natural extension of what already came before.

Sleeping with her, a few days later was the same way, an unending conversation between them that was quickly becoming physical.

By the 16th of December, they were meeting for lunch, making wordless plans at every spare moment. Donna would walk to the same places every day, making excuses to Rachel, and Harvey would show up. Sat beneath the tree at the Rockefeller centre, Donna waited for Harvey one late lunch- so late it was almost getting dark.

'Rachel's asking a lot of questions.' Donna handed him the takeout coffee she was nursing, her hands felt instantly colder.

'What are you going to tell her.'

'Most of the truth, I guess. Just not about you.' Harvey hated how that stung, and he quite aggressively put down the coffee down on the bench.

'And you and I keep doing this?' He looked at Donna pleadingly.

'What, seeing each other?'

'Is that what this is? Seeing each other, except no one can see us?' Harvey let her rest her head on his shoulder, and he couldn't help but wish it could be easier.

Donna held his hand tightly and turned to him.

'Do you think that you and I feel the same way about our arrangement? About each other?'

'I know a trick question when I hear one. That's your Donna way of just asking me how I feel about you and then you'll make some witty comment before we get onto the bit where you say how you feel.' He stiffened a little.

'Not this time. Just a yes or no. Do I feel about you, the same way that you feel about me.'

'No.'

They walked back to the office not really knowing what 'no' meant, and entered the lift alone, one after the other, and carried on working, separately through the night.

The work Christmas party rolled around on the 22nd. Donna and Harvey by this point were spending every night fading entirely into one another and every day estranged as though they were divorced. Donna was beyond special to him, yet something broke him every time he walked into the office, preventing him from being with her the way they were even before the breakdowns, let alone like they were outside the office. Part of it was a desire not the interrupt things at work. After, all, it was starting to function again, and Louis had really come to need Donna. He was pathologically afraid of losing her to Harvey, and a part of Harvey couldn't do that to him. There was something so peculiarly painful about feeling he could only ever have half of Donna. Right now, he got her nights, her gentle, tender adoration, and secrets. Yet, he missed her wit and her teasing, challenging banter at the firm, her being his true partner and everyone knowing it. Now, it was this covert operation, and as beautiful as those moments alone were, Harvey worried that Donna, his partner, was long lost, that their moments could never be fused without rupture, without losing everything. Could he ever truly have it all?

At the party, champagne was poured into empty unused coffee cups once all the flutes had ended up strewn around the office; the firm would continue to find them in bizarre places for the next 3 weeks. Presents were exchanged, and Harvey loaned the usage of his record player to play some classic compilation albums. The mood was great, for one of the first times all year. Having fought tooth and nail for each other, for their collective survival, a real need for family was born. Most of the night, still keeping their shroud of secrecy, Donna and Harvey socialised separately. Truthfully, Harvey was beginning to think in superlative, unequivocal terms: it was going to be all or nothing, and that was a risk he was ready to take. He wanted to be able to sit next to Donna in front of everyone and hold her hand and let everyone in the world know how much a man could change in front of their damn eyes. He wanted to hold the door for her, not just at home, but everywhere. He was so sure that's what she wanted too, there was something about the look she kept giving him from across the hall. She'd be mingling with Louis or Mike, or tipping cups of steaming mulled wine down, smiling as the spice warmed her delicate neck, and there would be a glance that lingered too long. It was a moment so private and intense; Harvey swore he knew exactly what she was thinking. Yet, a few hours in, Donna had disappeared from Jessica's room, where most of the firm was congregating.

'Hey, Mark, have you seen Donna anywhere?'

'Donna? I thought she went off with that IT guy. And I thought you guys weren't on speaking terms. what do you care?'

Harvey fought a laugh; they were on more than speaking terms.

'We've got a lot of history. Can't an old boss seek forgiveness at Christmas?' Harvey said this sardonically, playing with this paralegal hack and his nosiness, but he knew there was truth in it.

'Whatever even happened with you guys? The whole firm talk about it still, you know? Lot of rumours. You're lucky you're so well respected around here, because if it was me and what I think we all know happened, happened to me, I think Jessica would go full HR mode on my shit but I supposed she's moved on by the sounds of the talk I hear in the kitchens-'

'Hold this.' Harvey handed him his glass. He walked away with a clenched jaw. He needed to find Donna now. He needed to tell her he was in love with her, that he didn't want her talking to IT guys, he wanted to marry her, he wanted her all the time.

Just as Harvey was about to leave to find Donna, Louis tapped his teaspoon against apparently the only remaining champagne flute. 'SPEECH!"

Here we go, thought Harvey.

'As per tradition, a sprig of mistletoe has been nestled in the office, and should you pass it in company of another, well, you know the rest. Drink on! Litt out!'

'Has anybody Goddamn seen Donna?'

'I think I saw her go to the bathroom?'

Harvey tried his best not to run, but just as he turned, he saw her walking up the hallways and immediately moved to meet her. With their combined paces they met halfway in Jessica's doorway.

'Hey, Donna, I need to talk to you.'

'Well Harvey, can it wait? I just said I'd take a picture of Rachel and Mike with my new camera.' Harvey shook his head, giving her that pleading look that just melted her. There he was, statuesque leaning over her in the doorway, she'd do anything to keep her composure, but in that moment, Harvey looked so damn good.

'Hey- there's the mistletoe, above Harvey and Donna!' Yelled another paralegal.

Harvey laughed, sweeping his hand under Donna's chin, and lifting it to meet him, but when he looked in her eyes, he didn't see the lust and adoration he'd grown used to. Donna shook her head gently, nudging his hand away from her face and wriggling out of the arm he had resting on her.

She turned to everyone in the office, embarrassed and playing off the moment.

'Come on guys, it's a game, do as players do!' Heckled Louis.

Donna was frozen on the spot, unable to bring herself back to Harvey's gaze, which was fracturing and puncturing with every aging moment. 'I'm not kissing him.' She laughed, confused as to why Harvey was blowing their cover looking down at her like that.

'Fine, I'll kiss him!' Mike laughed.

Everyone was laughing, but Harvey's pride was crushed, and his heart was on its fucking knees. Donna burned under the looks and laughs, but it was Rachel's face that stuck with her, a quizzical glare almost. She winced.

After a few seconds, with the firm staring, baffled by the intensity of a seeming fun game, Donna gave Harvey the most chaste, platonic kiss on the cheek anyone's ever seen. He gently took her wrist a moment later once everyone had gone back to drinking and mingling.

'My office, now.' He whispered in her ear, rubbing soft circles on her wrist quietly with his thumb.

'I don't follow your beck and call, you know Harvey.' Donna said, as they walked down the hallway.

'Evidently not. I think we all just saw that.'

He closed the glass door behind him, as though it was remotely soundproof.

'Oh, come on, like I was going to kiss you in front of the whole firm.'

'What the hell are you so afraid of Donna?'

'Obviously, them knowing!'

'And you don't think what just happened looked strange, at all? Donna, it's a party, its Christmas, I'm pretty sure I just saw Louis and Jessica kiss! Obviously, you don't have to kiss me, but do you see that what just happened told everyone in there that there's a problem, and they're all gonna wanna know, so if your objective was to keep me a secret you were better off just playing along.' Harvey spoke gently to her, but his fists were closed in his pockets.

'Harvey, I don't think you're ready for what you think you want.'

'What, a relationship? What the hell's the difference between what we're doing now and a relationship? You spend every night in my arms, we have amazing sex, and great coffee on my counter every morning, we eat together, you sit and do absolutely nothing with me, alone together, and it's the safest I've ever been. So, what are we waiting for?'

'Harvey, you couldn't even tell me how you felt about me just this year. So, spare me the judgement about how fast I'm ready to commit to this. I'm fucking scared of you. I'm terrified the minute this gets real you're gonna run for the hills, and then what? We go back to office politics. I know you, better than you know yourself. You don't know what you want.'

'Do you know I'm in love with you, Donna Paulsen? Do you that know I want a committed, romantic relationship with you, because I have been waiting too long already? How's that for knowing how I feel about you?' His Cheshire cat smile spread up his cheeks, he was grinning at her, and she was finally smiling back. 'Come on Donna. You know you're in love with me too.'

This time, Donna did kiss him, tenderly. They would be okay.

From across the hall, Rachel stood agog as she watched Donna and Harvey holding hands, kissing, hugging. Donna wasn't that drunk, she thought.

When they returned to the party, Rachel, pulled Donna away.

'Your lipstick is smudged Donna- did you and that IT guy hook up? Mark was talking?'

Donna nodded and slipped away.

By 1, it was time for them to go home. In the lift, Donna kissed Harvey and made a show of smiling cheekily at the security camera as she pulled him in by his wool coat. 'Merry Christmas Sal.' She cooed into the speaker phone. She turned to Harvey. 'We'll tell everyone soon. But I've gotta talk to Rach first.' Harvey nodded and pressed his lips to her forehead. As the lift opened, they had sprung apart, for hopefully the last time and he walked a few paces ahead.

'Rachel!' Harvey said, as she appeared as if out of nowhere.

'Oh, hey you guys. Heading back?'

'Yeah, I've had my fill of mince pies.' Donna smiled.

'Oh Donna, do you want to share a cab with me?

Donna faltered. 'Oh, thanks, but I'm gonna walk.' She pointed limply in the direction of Harvey inching slowly away.

'But you don't live in that district Donna. Unless there's something you want to tell me? Say, like, why you're following Harvey home?'

'Rachel, I'm sorry, I should have told you-'

'Yes, you should have, given I've been comforting you for months because you told me that man broke your heart. I've heard you call him every name under the sun, I've let you come to me every single break ranting about how awful, and arrogant, and self-centred he is. I cannot believe this whole time, this mystery random you've been obviously hooking up with is the man you told me you hate. You told me two days ago that Harvey would self-destruct before he ever got the chance to love anyone. So, what, you're fucking him now? Is that it? You're screwing your boss.'

'He isn't my boss. And you had nothing against that a few months ago when you were teasing me about him.'

'Yeah, until he started treating you like an asshole this year. You said you could never forgive him, that going back to him would humiliate you.' Rachel was clearly hurt by Donna lying to her, so her words were spat with extra venom.

'You said those things about me Donna?' Harvey turned, tears in his eyes, although his face was as gaunt as a statue.

'Harvey-'

'No, Donna, I don't really want to know.'

'Wait, Harvey.' Donna looked pleadingly at Rachel, stood with her arms crossed, and back at Harvey, who was walking away with his hands in his pockets.

'Go to him then.' Rachel taunted. Donna wasn't going to leave Rachel alone now. She'd already lived without Harvey for 12 years, but she couldn't take living without her best friend. She went back with Rachel, and by the time they were back in their district, they knew they'd be okay, and Donna confessed everything to her. Yet, she knew it would be a long time before Harvey got over this, and any hope of a relationship now was shot.

Harvey and Donna would spend Christmas day alone. Neither were to text the other so much as a greeting. On New Years eve, Donna took her night off, but she didn't go out. Harvey worked alone in the office. A month later, Donna would work for Harvey again, and when he walked into his apartment and saw her there, he blocked out the part of him that hoped she was there for another reason. A part of him that glistened at the promise she was coming back to him. And she would come back to him, and he to her. But not yet. Donna and Harvey never again spoke about those three weeks of December, not till many Decembers later, and many more Christmases spent alone. but they would think about it, every time they looked at each other.