I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down
Then pack it up in boxes, head for the next town running
'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night
And a thousand times I've seen this road
A thousand times
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
Alice Merton

Bella

Another new school. New classmates. New teachers.

I fell easily into my role as the new kid. It was so common that I'd almost only ever been known as the new kid at every school I'd been to. I didn't mind. I liked the change of scene, even if it did mean I wasn't able to get to know anyone too deeply. What was the point anyway? I'd be gone in a year or so. Perhaps I should make more of an effort here—the tiny town of Forks, my birthplace. I'd finally left my mother's house and come to live with my father.

My mother had dragged me around like a lead balloon all her life; she'd never wanted to be tied down to a house and marriage. She didn't want to be anywhere permanent, cherished freedom over anything else and never asked me what I wanted. I was four years old when we left Forks and my father. 'Escaped' she called it. We'd gone to Sacramento, Las Vegas, Houston, Corpus Christi … too many to remember. Phoenix most recently; all the kids who'd chatted with me so far lamented my tanned skin against their paleness.

That's where I'd left my mother. It became too much for both of us. I couldn't stand having to be the more responsible one anymore, resenting her for the fact she'd made me raise myself; leaving all the organising of the bills, the groceries, and cleaning for me to deal with. Never let me have a childhood.

We'd gone back and forth over it until we both wanted to tear our hair out—if I didn't like cleaning the house, why did I do it? If I just left it as it was—if she wanted to live in a messy house with no food that was her business, but I lived here too—she was the parent, she could do as she wanted—yes, she was the parent, why didn't she act like it?

It was all too much. Charlie, my dad, had to be easier. I'd only met him a few times in my life but he seemed amenable enough when I'd called him and proposed my plan. It was only for a few years and I told him I'd get a job to help with the bills.

He'd met me at the Port Angeles airport in his police cruiser. It had been an awkward hour in the car down to Forks, probably setting the tone for my time here. He'd given me a copy of the key to the house, pointed out which bedroom was mine, and then left to go fishing with some friends. It's what he did every weekend and he wasn't about to break that pattern for me.

His rental was unfashionable and empty of almost everything but necessities. Charlie clearly spent most of his time at work or out of doors and the house had a neglected feel to it. I'd had to vacuum the carpet in my new bedroom twice before the dust shifted and I had to force a screwdriver against the sliding glass window to get it to open.

The sharp Forks air had brought its pleasant forest scent into the house though and I felt better for it. Everything was so green, it was as if a filter had been put over my eyes, but it was also lush and picturesque, especially after the dryness of Arizona. The loud clanking of the lunch bell interrupted my happy musings over my bed and mattress that was going to be delivered to the house today. Two days on a squeaking camp cot of Charlie's was more than enough.

"Come on, I'll show you to the cafeteria," my deskmate said. Jessica, I remembered she'd told me.

I followed her through the buildings to the drab cafeteria hall—had no buildings in Forks been remodelled since the sixties?—and we got into the lunch line. Jessica chatted easily, telling me all about the teachers and students. She was either incredibly nosey or small-town gossip was just as rampant as I had read about in novels. She knew stuff about everyone and all the kids seemed to know each other too, even though it was the first day of a new school year. Their links probably went back generations. These kids' grandparents had probably all been friends as well. I felt a stab of envy for how close they all were.

I bought a soda and nothing else; I'd made my lunch at home. A hundred bucks a month in rent was what Charlie and I had agreed on. It wasn't a lot but I didn't have a job yet and the new bed and truck I'd bought yesterday had taken a considerable chunk out of my savings. Jessica led me to a table; her regular, I assumed. Everyone sitting there introduced themselves and asked me things. The new was obviously few and far between for these kids. No other group I'd sat with at my old schools had cared enough to ask me this many questions.

"Are you glad to be back in town?" Mike asked.

Urgh. Apparently Jessica wasn't the only gossip. "It's nice so far," I replied. "Colder than I imagined." I'd had to wear a thermal shirt under my sweater even though it was only September. I was eternally grateful the heating worked in my ancient truck.

"I can't believe you can't cope with the cold," Mike said, snorting with laughter. "You were born in Forks."

"You think Frosty the Snowman is just wired into my being? I grew up in the sun, of course it's cold."

"It's going to get way colder," he said unnecessarily.

"I figured."

"Why did you move back?" Lauren asked.

I shrugged. "Just wanted a change."

"Do you play volleyball? All girls from the warm states seem to play that," Eric stated.

What a bizarre assumption. "Er … no. I run track."

"There's no track team here," Angela told me. "Only cross-country."

More outdoors. Great. I'd probably join anyway. I wanted to be out of Charlie's house as much as possible to keep out of his way.

A group sitting at the other end of the cafeteria caught my eye. Two girls and three boys. They were all incredibly good-looking; classically so, achingly so. It was like a Waterhouse painting only with modern clothing. The group looked nothing alike and yet so similar; all had pale skin and dark eyes. They also held themselves gracefully and effortlessly in a way any supermodel would thrill to emulate.

"Who are they?"

I was sure Jessica hadn't mentioned this group of people in her spiel; she talked of no one who was this obviously striking and out of place. One of the boys—the one furthest away from us, the one with the reddish-brown hair—looked up at me as I spoke as if he'd heard my question.

Jessica turned to see whom I was asking about then giggled as the boy's eyes flicked to her face. "They're the Cullens. Dr Cullen works at the hospital, he moved here with his wife and kids last year. Rosalie and Emmett—he's the brawny one—are seniors. Rosalie's the blonde. The tall one's Jasper, he's a senior too, and Edward and Alice are in our year. They aren't their real kids, the Cullens adopted them when they were little; they're way too young to have teenage kids. But none of them are actually related, and they're all together."

"Together?" I repeated, not sure what she meant.

"You know, like dating. Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett. It's super weird, like, they're foster siblings? Scandalous," she giggled again.

What a strange family. How was it they all looked so alike if they weren't biologically related? They seemed too old for high school as well. There was nothing youthful about their bodies or their posture. They looked more like movie star college students. At the very least they seemed to be interlopers into our dreary lives.

Edward was looking at me again, his expression no longer indifferent. He was examining me intently, his eyes narrowing a little. I smiled, unsure what to make of his focus. Maybe it was because I was new to town as well, but surely that wouldn't make him look so … uneasy?

Edward

I'd never encountered this.

The new girl smiled at me for a fraction longer then turned back to Jessica Stanley to ask her what her next class was.

I continued to stare at her, unnerved.

My talent for hearing the thoughts of others had always come effortlessly, always strong and clear. I had a good three-mile radius in any direction if I concentrated, and through any barrier. Metal, brick, water; it didn't matter. Was there something suddenly wrong with me?

Worried, I listened harder. All the thoughts in the room that I'd been tuning out started shouting in my head. A lot of students were thinking about the new girl, Isabella Swan—Bella, she'd corrected. Most were eager to talk to someone new but there was a lot of rumourmongering attached to their fascination too. So few people knew the Police Chief had a child; some had remembered their parents saying her mother had run off with her when she was a baby and they now wanted to know why she'd moved back. Bella had brushed off questions about her personal life but chatted easily with them about everything else which flamed their curiosity further.

My siblings weren't paying attention to Bella. Alice was watching Jasper and Emmett's futures, guessing ahead to their ongoing tennis match tonight; it had been drawn out for six nights already. Emmett was also thinking about this so Alice was cheekily predicting his plays to tell Jasper later. Rosalie was composing her Physics homework in her head and working out how much detail was too much for a senior student. Jasper was meandering through books he'd read recently, trying to find a thread to pull at. He noted my bewilderment absently and only briefly wondered at it.

Even with my focus, Bella's thoughts remained untouched. I called them thoughts but they were hardly that. Nothing formed, nothing leapt. Every time I felt I'd caught one, it slipped away, and I knew there hadn't been one to catch in the first place.

Bella seemed to be baffled by the attention she was receiving from everyone yet still comfortable around new people. At least, that's what it looked like. I couldn't tell for sure; I couldn't hear a whisper.

Hopefully I had a class with her. I was determined to decipher this strange new development. I spent the rest of lunch fixating on Bella's inaccessible mind and still trying vainly to catch her mind, although I didn't look at her again. It'd be discourteous to stare.

Everyone at her table was also absorbed with her, mostly because she was someone new to look at. People wanted her to be their friend and both Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie were imagining her as their girlfriend. Mike's fantasies were particularly graphic and I felt a strong urge to place myself between them, to protect her, especially as Bella didn't appear to be as engaged in her conversation with Mike as he was.

This protectiveness wasn't a new sensation and I had to work to keep calm. Mike was a teenage boy, not some fiend, I reminded myself. Although it had been many years since I'd actively hunted the very worst kinds of men, the errant—and harmless—thoughts of others sometimes flung me back there. Jasper felt my flare of ire but it barely registered; it wasn't new to him either.

Once lunch was over, we went separately to our next period. Mine was Biology. High school classes were a little dull but this grade's Biology was going to be tiresome for someone with two medical degrees. Not enough had changed over the years for me to learn many new things, not at a high school level. I wanted to go to college again; this high school foray would help me get in. At least these transcripts wouldn't have to be forged, and we could also stay in Forks longer.

The rest of the students filtered in, Bella among them, piquing my interest. She paused at the front of the room to give a slip of paper to Mr Banner. Happily, the only remaining open spot was next to me. Proximity was surely the key to unlocking her thoughts, though it was going to be a rough semester for Bella. Humans didn't know why they should be wary around us, only that they were. There was a reason no one had sat next to me.

My head jerked up as I suddenly realised something. Bella's heartbeat. I could barely hear it.

She was walking down the aisle towards the seat next to me without a care in the world yet my hearing told me she was very ill. Was she having a heart attack? Surely not. Some other affliction then.

I half-stood, hesitating, wondering how I could offer her aid without alarming her. Was she going to collapse? It didn't seem likely; her skin was rosy with health and nothing in her form spoke to some chronic malady—

Her scent smashed into me like an explosion—all thoughts of helping her vanished. I was transformed. Nothing even resembling my former self. All my hard-won control evaporated.

I was a vampire. A predator of humans—and she had the sweetest blood I'd encountered in my entire existence.

Thirst clawed at my throat. Even as a newborn I'd never felt this frenzied. That blood —the flavour … the sweetness—venom flowed into my mouth in anticipation. If I had known such blood existed, I would've combed the world for it—followed it anywhere—

Bella dropped into the seat, automatically glancing over at me, and the friendly look on her face died instantly. Fright.

I saw her expression and it reminded me of others who'd been frightened. I saw my expression mirrored back, clear in her deep brown eyes, and it reminded me of those who'd hunted them.

I wrenched my gaze away.

I had to leave; I didn't want to kill the poor girl. The chair clattered as I stood up but thankfully didn't break, and I strode out of the room, also a little too fast to be prudent but it didn't matter. Her safety was far more important.

Once I was outside in the parking lot, I breathed in great lungfuls of clean air. Nothing would dim my memory of that scent but this at least slackened the stranglehold it had on my thirst.

Alice's mind touched my awareness. Edward! Are you all right?

Her memory of a vision; myself crushing Bella's arm in my hand, dragging her with me as I fled into the nearby woods. I'd snapped her neck quickly so she didn't suffer then drained her body of every last bead of blood. The euphoria I saw in my expression brought with it an echo of a long-forgot sensation—bile rising in my throat. Alice's later vision was of me outside as I was now; escaped, panicked. She wanted to join me, to comfort me. She was already walking to her classroom door.

Pacing to the edge of the tree line, I sprinted away once I was out of sight. I didn't want Alice to be with me. Not yet. I couldn't face her compassion or her pity.

Instead, I ran to the hospital, taking a serpentine way through the forest. In the halls of the building, my body was too rigid and quick to pass as human but no one paid attention. My father's thoughts put him in his office. I flung myself into the room, shutting the door with a crash. Fortunately, the panelling didn't crack.

Carlisle was alarmed. He raced around his desk and put his hands on my jaw.

"I need to leave Forks, I have to go now."

What's happened?

"Her blood—it's so sweet … too sweet."

His forehead creased as he understood. He also knew whom I meant though he'd never seen her face. Staff at the hospital had gossiped about the arrival of the Police Chief's daughter as well.

"I need to leave. I'll kill her. Alice saw it."

Alice's visions aren't set in stone. Impulses do not rule us.

"This one will. I've never felt this—I don't know how to control it."

You'll control it the same as the other.

Carlisle thought over the steps he'd taken with me as a newborn, that we'd then put Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett through.

"It's not the same!" I jerked backwards out of his grasp and covered my face in shame.

"It will be. Control is always possible, Edward," Carlisle said gently.

"I've never had a thirst this strong."

And yet you resisted. What made you?

"Her eyes … she feared me," I whispered from between my fingers.

Carlisle made the same connection I did, only without the memories to go with it. Humans don't need to fear us. We'll help you. If it gets too much, we'll move on.

"I will be the one to leave."

"Not yet. Try this way first."

I lifted my head, desperately needing to see the surety in Carlisle's face. He had faith that I could do this, that I wouldn't be a danger to the girl.

"I can't go back today," I confessed, hating my weakness.

"Very well. We'll begin tonight."

Carlisle called the school, telling them I was unwell. He then called Esme and explained what had happened; the concern I heard in her tone brought a fresh flood of anguish.

I hid in Carlisle's office all afternoon while he made his rounds. Esme arrived a few minutes after his phone call to stay with me. She was worried but she also had confidence in my self-control. She recalled all the times I'd faced adversity and bested it; stories from my newborn days that we'd told her, and my return to them after my long absence from their care and guidance. She hoped these memories would bring me strength.

"Thank you," I murmured, leaning my head on her shoulder, calming.

At the end of Carlisle's shift, he drove us home. My siblings had been home for an hour; Alice had told them what happened and the conversations that had taken place in their absence.

Rosalie was pissed. "You'd better not have exposed us, Edward," she spat. "What did the human think of your little display?"

In the aftermath, it slipped my mind. "I couldn't read her thoughts."

"Too distracted?" she mocked.

"No, I mean there's some … block around her. Her mind is completely silent to me."

Everyone took in this information with surprise.

Carlisle had never heard of a talent that suddenly grew weak or changed. "It must be something with the girl," he mused.

"Her heart is almost silent too."

"Indeed? That is very odd."

The others weren't as interested in her heart as Carlisle and I were, but they did wonder at her thoughts. My siblings briefly entertained the idea of not having me in their heads all the time, but dismissed it. They were too used to it now, even to the point of often preferring to show me what they meant. Especially Jasper; he was accustomed to using his emotions as his communicator and enjoyed that he and I could have silent conversations.

We sat at the dining table and talked over the plan for me. It was familiar to us all. Alice and Jasper had heard stories over the years but they were both controlled enough in their thirst not to need such guidance by the time they came to us. I felt ashamed that I needed it again and that strengthened my desire to regain control of it.

We all went hunting in the national forest, then Jasper, Carlisle, and I went back to the school late in the evening. There were no security cameras which meant no human saw our peculiar behaviour.

Bella's scent in the Biology lab was faint but still potent. To me, at least. Jasper and Carlisle both noted it as being a commonplace sweetness. I breathed it in over and over, my throat on fire despite the gluttony I'd engaged in earlier. But with Jasper here, my mood was more soothed. We followed her scent to the locker she'd been assigned, intending to have me inhale something else she'd touched, but it was empty.

"Do you feel able to return to school tomorrow?" Carlisle asked as we ran home. He didn't want to put Bella at risk. The whisper of her scent was one thing, the rich fragrance of her person was another.

"Yes … I think so."

I hated feeling unsure. I wondered if sheer stubbornness was enough to get me through this, as it had previously. Alice would be watching my future closely from now on and I heard Jasper resolve to skip his Government class to stand outside the window in the Biology lab to calm me if I hurtled out of control.

I felt a great rush of affection for my brothers and sisters. Emmett's uncomplicated outlook compared to my chaotic self; Jasper's well-structured thoughts and moods; Alice for making us both feel less odd with our intrusive talents; Rosalie's grim mutual understanding of being trapped in this existence. We'd all chosen this life together; committed to living among humans rather than hunting them, and we'd all supported each other when we needed.

But Rosalie was sure to fling my Vanquish off a cliff if I made her move.

The next day, I was wound tight a drum from the moment I stepped out of the car. Not even Jasper's quietness settled me, not until he touched his fingers to mine briefly. I clenched my jaw shut. I wasn't going to breathe today.

Alice flipped rapidly through my futures. Jasper had his hand under her elbow, guiding her forward while she concentrated. She could see that I wouldn't have a lapse. I would be safe for Bella, at least for today.

At lunch, Bella sat with the same group she had yesterday but did her homework rather than engage in much conversation. Jessica thought her odd for doing the work days before it was due and Angela was now worried that she hadn't started her own. Bella didn't look stressed to me but who else did their homework at lunch unless it was to hastily finish something that was due next period?

She also didn't look as if her condition had deteriorated in the night. What was wrong with her heart? Her thoughts, too, were still silent, giving me no answers to my questions.

My curiosity was starting to rise again without the scent around to derail it. I spent all of Biology concentrating on trying to read her mind but … nothing.

She glanced at me twice during the lesson. I kept my face pleasant but I didn't dare open my mouth to speak to her, nor attempt anything resembling non-verbal engagement. I wouldn't be able to speak if she asked me something and I didn't want to have to rebuff her so blatantly.

Right at the end of class, as agreed, I took a deep breath and held it in my lungs. I closed my eyes against the scorching flame it induced. My instincts flared—a thirst, a craving—and I began plotting ways more subtle ways to get Bella to follow me into the woods … no sense in creating a scene. Surely I could speak a few words to her, if it was followed with the promise of quenching my burning thirst. Venom filled my mouth and I could practically taste her blood already; lush and sweet …

Flinging myself out of the room, I only caught the edge of the calming cloud Jasper had hastily pushed in my direction. It helped me walk at a human speed and keep my jaw locked in place.

When I was still distressed when Carlisle came home from his night shift, he took me into the forest and I overindulged again, ashamed of my struggles.

Newborn thirst was the most arduous but singing was a different kind of lure. Carlisle had explained cantante blood to me years ago and I'd heard it in the minds of other vampires occasionally. Even our coven wasn't immune. Both Emmett and Esme had experienced one. Esme had been far enough from it that she'd been able to get herself away; Emmett had … not. It was one of his only regrets, something we'd all felt with him. His despair at his murder weighed heavily on him, occasionally rendering him speechless with grief.

Carlisle had been watching me with some anxiety. Worried at how taut I was, apprehensive that I wasn't seeing the animals I hunted but picturing Bella. He felt guilty for this thought too.

"I'm not," I told him wretchedly.

"I'm sorry. I know this is difficult, Edward. But she deserves to live."

"I know." It was why I was trying so hard. I wanted to be something—anything—better than the monster I'd let myself become.

"You're doing wonderfully."

"I feel safe, most of the time. But then I let the scent hit me wrong and …"

Is it too much?

"No. The thoughts are there, the instincts. But I haven't felt as wild as I did that first day," I said, mulling it over.

That may be the worst of it. As you desensitise yourself to her blood it will get easier and she'll become a person again, not an impulse, he reminded. Tell me about Bella.

"Everyone's thinking about her. They want to know why she's back in Forks. She seems happy to talk with people but when they ask her about personal things she brushes them off. Skilfully. Almost as if she's used to it. She also seems surprised that people know so much about her and her father. Maybe a little annoyed as well." It was strange to have to speculate on someone's thoughts, to have to concentrate on their facial expressions to make sense of them.

Carlisle was remembering conversations he'd heard as he worked. People hadn't told him things directly since they knew he didn't particularly care for talk of this kind but he'd caught things regardless. Staff gossiped about Charlie Swan's silence around Bella's existence. The older staff knew he'd had a wife and baby years ago and that she'd left him. People wondered endlessly as to why, the chatter rife and unkind at times. But Charlie Swan was well thought of and good at his job.

"I wish I could hear her thoughts. I've frightened her." Thinking back to Bella's expression of yesterday, she'd clearly been scared by my behaviour, something that didn't sit right with me at the best of times, let alone for someone who I couldn't tell might perceive me. "I'd know what would help calm her if I could only hear her."

Her heart races?

"Not that I've noticed. But it's so quiet. I'm not used to having to concentrate on that."

Very unusual. She's ill?

"Possibly, but she doesn't look ill. No other obvious symptoms."

Carlisle frowned. "Do you think she should come to the hospital? I wonder how we would put it to her."

As medical men, Carlisle and I had occasionally come across an ailing person outside of our work and taken steps to inform them. Sometimes we'd slipped notes into their belongings or give them business cards of local practices. If it was a bit more obvious, we would occasionally tell them directly that we were a doctor and they should seek one themselves soon. But Bella didn't look sick. I couldn't think of a way to start that conversation. How I longed to have her mind to guide me.

We'll think on it.

The following day was the same fiery pain. I found myself watching her through everyone's eyes all day, tracking her movements so I knew she was safe from me.

Bella did her homework at lunch again. She helped Jessica with the Trig homework when the girl had asked if she'd finished the problems already. Bella's advice was knowledgeable and delivered without any condescension; Jessica was glad of her help. She explains stuff better than Varner, that's for sure.

I knew I had to talk to Bella today. It would be discourteous not to. And I wanted to; aching to hear her thoughts, even if only verbally. Why was her mind silent?

Taking in as much air as I could before I entered the classroom, I prepared to speak at least a few words to her.

"Hello," I said when she'd taken her seat next to me. "I never introduced myself. My name is Edward Cullen. You must be Bella Swan."

She looked incredulous that I'd spoken to her. No doubt she'd written me off as rude, which I had been.

"How do you know my name?"

"I think everyone here knows your name. The whole town's been talking about you."

Her eyes narrowed. "No, I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

"Do you prefer Isabella?" Where was this going? She'd been very clear on her preference when she'd talked to others.

"No, I like Bella. But Charlie must call me Isabella behind my back since that's how everyone knows me here."

Oh. I'd accidentally revealed that I'd been eavesdropping when others spoke to her. That threw me; she was quick. Quick to make the link, quick to call me out. She'd noticed the deviation from the pattern that all the other students had followed. If I'd been able to read her mind, I'd have been able to come up with a better answer, a less conspicuous one. I began to worry she would become suspicious of us.

That was my role in the family; I stood as a lookout for whoever might ascribe some otherworldly nature to our family so that we might leave before they could dig deeper. Was there where Bella's silent mind was? Only one way to find out.

I was going to have to talk to Bella through the burn.

I breathed through my mouth only. Even without the scent again I still had the memory of it to go with the blistering thirst. The animal blood had helped but not as much as I wished. I wouldn't let Jasper skip class two days in a row; it would be too conspicuous, especially with my fitful behaviour of late. I was on my own.

"Ladies first?" I indicated toward the microscope and the box of slides that Mr Banner had passed around.

She took out the first slide out and glanced at it through the viewer. She announced the mitosis phase without hesitation, the same as she'd done with the Trig homework. And she was right again. We worked back and forth quickly and were done in ten minutes; the rest of the class had barely started. At least she was going to be a good lab partner if nothing else. Bella watched as I put the last slide away, seemingly distracted.

"Did you get contacts?" she asked suddenly.

"No," I said, amused at her thinking I needed to improve my eyesight.

"Oh." She frowned a little. Confused? Aggravated? "I thought there was something different about your eyes."

I shrugged, a show of nonchalance I didn't feel. My eyes were gold instead of the black they'd been the day we met. Another slip. Another small thing she'd noticed despite the very short time we'd been together. She must've been paying close attention to me since she'd arrived here. I hadn't detected any particular intensity but that was surely because I'd been focused on my own scrutiny instead.

I couldn't work out why she would be attentive. Was she trying to unravel my secrets the way I was trying to unravel hers? Or was she this sharp about everyone?