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Editorial Note:

I had been reluctant to release this extract from the memoirs of Ciaphas Cain, since it had been rather stressful for those involved, myself included. As insane as what the following events may state, it is all true. It took extensive time to culminate and force myself to read through passages of all our journals during that period. To my fellow inquisitors who may care to read through this section, I advise that they treat this as light entertainment rather than the serious food for thought I intended for other volumes of the Cain archive.

Nonetheless, as always, I shall be disseminating his account of his exploits on this queer version of Holy Terra. His motives for so doing, is one that I fully understand, and one that my colleagues would come to understand shortly once they begin reading. As usual, Cain is infuriatingly vague about most things which doesn't effect him personally, I have insert extracts from other sources where necessary in order to present a more rounded account. Admittedly, some of those accounts come from myself, for which I risk presenting this excerpt of Cain's life with bias.

As such, I beg for your trust in me that what follows wold be a truthful and unbiased account of the events that had occurred, as I had always attempted to write as such.

Amberley Vail, Ordo Xenos.

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ONE

Oh Emperor, oh frak, it's gone FUBAR

— Unknown Guardsmen

This hasn't been the first time I'd been left drifting through space in a pod, though I try not to make a habit of it. Now, that isn't to say I wouldn't try running for one the minute we get into combat, but it would certainly ruin my impressively fraudulent reputation I accumulated with my extensive years of service. So, I did something incredibly uncharacteristic of my own personality and Cain the Hero stayed behind, guiding as many as I could to the lifepods before being the last one to leave.

'Some tea, Commissar?' My odious, and faithful, aide asked, always ready to serve.

'Please.' I said, trying hide the exhaustion in my voice*1. Ever the dutiful soldier, Jurgen poured the tea into the bowl from one of his many pockets, and served it. Admittedly, I had gained an affection for the drink from my time with the 12th Field Artillery*2. I took several whiffs, enjoying the steam up my nose before sampling the drink. After my experience since Perlia, Jurgen always makes sure he has a surplus on hand, and thank the Emperor for that!

'Would you like anything to drink Amberley?' I asked, shifting over to position myself right beside her, golden hair shielding her face and depthless blue eyes, dressed in that black body glove and cloak I distinctly remembered from Gravalax*3. 'Perhaps something to eat, if you're hungry. It's been a while since breakfast.'

Now, normal people of the Imperium wouldn't be (and shouldn't be) too happy to see a member of the Inquisition, especially in their pod. Though, I like to believe that Amberley and I have a sort of special rapport with one another, though I suspect it's more for Jurgen's benefit than anything*4. Of course, Amberley declined my invitation for a meal, not that I can blame her, rations always did taste too bland, but it'll keep her energy up, especially in her state. Honestly, I expected better from an Inquisitor to miss out on meals*5!

'Jurgen.' I called to my faithful aide. 'Can you see to making us dinner? I believe Amberley is hungry.'

'Right away Commissar.' He replied, in his usual deference when issued orders, quickly rummaging through the provisions.

'Jurgen.' Amberley said, stopping him in his tracks. 'None for me.'

'Ignore her.' I ordered. 'She hasn't eaten since this morning. Give her a regular sized portion.'

Amberley glared at me, I just know it, and I know her well enough that she will try and countermand my order. To my surprise, my hand shot out and covered her lips before another word could leave. We held in position like so, staring into each other's eyes. Fortunately for me, she blinked first, using her own hands to free herself. 'You're lucky that you're so convincing, Ciaphas.'

I felt myself swell, a little, in pride. After all, this is considerable praise from an Inquisitor, especially when I can live to tell the tale about it! 'I'm glad you think so.' I said, falling into my usual modest routine. 'After all, it is my duty.' She rolled her eyes, but I saw a smidge of a smile on her face. Well, I suppose there are worse ways to spend time while waiting for rescue.

'Er…Commissar? I think we have a problem.' Jurgen stated, looking out the porthole. Of course we do, I privately moaned. If only the universe was this generous. Before I could ask, Amberley already beat me to it. 'What's the problem Jurgen?'

'…I think we're in the warp.'

'WHAT?!' I shouted, rushing to gaze outside, praying he's wrong. My heart dropped only to find that he was right. We were in the warp! I first thought was to panic, obviously. Without a Gellar Field*6, we were exposed. This was it, I told myself, leaning against the porthole, this is where Ciaphas Cain's long con finally ends. This would be the last time, the last moment of living I have before I go see that Golden Throne. 'Ciaphas.' Amberley said, her voice velvety. 'Sit with me.'

I obeyed her, Inquisitor or not, if I'm going to snuff it to daemons, then I might as well spend it with her. I sat by her side, taking her hands into mine, gently squeezing them. 'Amberley.' I whispered, 'I, I-' The lifepod shook, as if we encountered turbulence, throwing us to the ground. Though, picking myself up was rather difficult, more than it needed to be. Then I saw a pair of black dress shoes enter my field of view, making a distinct click as if we were walking down an empty hallway.

'Ciaphas Cain, in the flesh. What a most pleasant surprise.' The middle aged man drawled, though he seems to place unusual stress on random syllables. He was tall, almost to my height, and impossibly thin. His black hair's styled in a crew cut, and his pale green eyes pierced mine. What made it worse was his smile, an almost excited, and possibly sadistic joy, to finally see Cain the Hero at last. 'We have much to discuss.'

'I find that unlikely.' I retort, finding that I could stand again without difficulty. Looking over my shoulder, Amberley and Jurgen were also free, taking up positions at my side. 'After all, I know that daemons like you would want nothing more than to torture us, so why don't you get on with it then? Come on then.'

He chuckled like a Schola bursar, though I know full well now that this thing isn't human*7. 'I am not a daemon, I assure you, nor am I here to kill you, though if it is a fight you desire, I can give you a battle in which you won't win.' He informed, now stressing all the wrong words. 'After all, I could…lift the veil over this lifepod, and let the daemons do…well, I am not at liberty to say.'

'So speak.' I ordered, giving it my best commissarial glare, I know it won't intimidate it, but I refuse to whimper to some thing taunting me. 'What do you want from us?'

'There is a problem that has met my, employers, concern.' He began, pacing, 'Some insignificant little universe, hardly something worth noting. Unfortunately, it seems that it will be due to some unforeseen variable.'

'Then why come to us then?' I demanded, ready to just eviscerate the deluded frakker. Honestly, another universe? Surely he means sector! Unfortunately, little did I know just how much of what he said was true.

'It hardly matters.' It said. 'What does matter, however, is that I had been authorized by my employers to…assign a team to this universe to resolve the matter before it gets…well out of hand.'

'So why use us, xenos!' Amberley demanded, seething. I never realized she could seethe that much hate. I suppose even inquisitors like her have their limits. Though it could be because the xenos in front of us actually looks human*8. 'Why don't you use your own kin to resolve the matter?'

'The answer is simple.' It said, smiling. 'You would find more than sufficient motivation to save this world…after all…well…I'm certain that, seeing, is believing.'

It snapped it's fingers, and a high-pitched whine blasted into my ears. Covering my ears was futile, it just didn't work! It sounds like someone created an unholy amalgamation of my old drill abbot using his finger nails to scratch a chalkboard, a noise-marine's awful "music," and a Howling Banshee's whine! This is the foulest torture I could ever endure*9! Not even Jurgen or Amberley were spared, slumping over unconscious. I gazed at the xenos once more, seeing him open a literal door out of nowhere, before I also fell.

When I finally came to, something felt off, but I couldn't place quite place it. We were still in the lifepod; I could still smell Jurgen's unique odour; and I was still myself…but there was a problem. I thought to myself how was this possible, I'm back to being a Juve now! Now, before I could think about…anything really, I was tackled, the air taken right out from under me, and I was faced with a very irate Valhallan Juve with terrible skin, hands now pressed against my throat. 'What have you done with the Commissar?!'

'Jurgen!' I struggled to get out, surprised as he is to see him like this. 'It's me! It's Cain!'

'Liar!' He shouts, slugging me across the face. I tried to throw him off, but that earned me another punch. The rage in his eyes were real, and there was no doubt that he would rip me limb from limb to figure out where I went. I quickly pulling off my Commissarial glove to show him my augmetic fingers. I often thank how unimaginative Jurgen is, as he backed off immediately, with a look of horror on his face. I placated, 'It's okay Jurgen. It's okay. I wouldn't believe it either. That damn xenos is trying to divide us by making us look like, well, juves.'

'Yes Commissar, you're right.' He dutifully said, helping me up. 'But what are we going to do now?' I honestly don't know. Logically speaking, we could figure out the de-aging situation at a later date. Now, the most pressing matter is location and provisions. I don't know how long we were out for, let alone where in the warp we were. The only thing I can think of now is to gather up our supplies, try to locate our position, and hope that our distress beacon is picked up by any nearby Imperial vessels in the area. At least, we would have, until I was dropped by a kick. 'Commissar!'

'Damn xenos!' A radiant blonde juve with depthless blue eyes that hovered above me said brusquely. She slugged me across the face, which really hurt, before focusing on my aide. Fact of the matter being, she was beating Jurgen down successfully. Loyal, strong, and courageous Jurgen. 'Whatever you had done to me, I will see it undone! Then, you will tell me what you had done to Commissar Cain and Gunner Jurgen! Only then, I shall grant you death!'

'Throne damn it Amberley, it's us!' I barked, trying to get up, only for her to ram into me, using her forearm to pin me to the wall. She seethed, 'Still holding onto your deception, xenos? Good.'

'Good?!' I shouted*10, indignant at her response, I am a commissar, after all. 'Why is that good?' Though I probably should have expected the answer, seeing as Amberley's an Inquisitor.

'It just means I can kill you slowly until you do as I demand.' She villainously hushed, before she kindly introduced my gut to her fist. I honestly couldn't help myself, I gagged. Oh, she didn't stop at just one, she did it multiple times. Each time she hit, Amberley would demand I tell her the truth, but the way she's at it, she was more interested in beating me to death than an actual answer. Obviously, this thought was far from my mind, seeing as I was slumping onto my back and Amberley was hovering above me. I thought that this was it, I was going to snuff it to a bloody friendly fire 'accident.' How ironic.

Before she had the opportunity, faithful Jurgen was able to get the drop on her, embracing her in a Vostroyan man hug, if they can even call that suffocating squeeze an embrace. Now, I'm not too ashamed to admit that I had to nurse my wounded gut for a bit…Amberley is a force to be reckoned with, after all*11. She petulantly*12 tried to break free from Jurgen, howling obscenities at us, while trying to kick me.

'Amberley, it's really us.' I insisted, trying to get her to see reason. Though, if I was in her shoes, I would have done the same thing. I showed her my finger augmetics to emphasize the point, hopefully she gets the point.

'You think me so easily convinced, alien?' She snorts, tilting her nose up. 'You underestimate me, and those of the Inquisition.'

Damnation Amberley! 'Your favourite flowers are Hegentha; you love watching holo-vids of "Cain's Heroes"*13; we first met at Gravalax when you posed as a singer; you also have a-'

'Okay, that's enough.' She ordered, looking much more relaxed, and more than a little abashed*14. 'Silly, absolutely silly.' I'm sure it is. Still, I'm more than glad that Amberley's seeing sense now. The moment Jurgen released her, I caught her. She huffed, and I wouldn't blame her, getting caught up in Jurgen's Vostroyan man hug is a breathtaking experience.

'What's the plan Ciaphas?' She asked, strong enough to pick herself up. 'Do you know where we are?'

'No, we haven't checked yet.' I admitted, glad to know that Amberley was back to being herself, heading over to the windows. The problem as I see it is that I didn't recognize any of the stars here. The only planet I could see is some paradise world, maybe even a civilized world, from the looks of it. I could make out some primitive space stations and satellites around the world too. If the xenos or, Throne forbid, Chaos were to arrive on this world, the Inquisition would just exterminatus the planet in its entirety*15.

'It certainly has a natural beauty from here.' Amberley remarked, probably admiring the view as much as I was. I can't disagree with her, this blue ball was certainly appealing. 'Er, Commissar, milady. We have a problem.' Oh, what now?! I shifted over to Jurgen's view port. Yeah, now I see the problem. The planet's SDF is heading towards us, and they'll be here within a few minutes. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, far from it. Unfortunately, with an unfamiliar world like this one, who knows. 'Well, let's hope they're friendly.' I tried to deride, more for my own nervousness than for Amberley or Jurgen, while thumbing my palm.

A few minutes past before we heard the sounds of echoed banging of metal against each other, then silence. 'Ciaphas, please meet with our guest.' Amberley said, 'I'm a frightful mess.'

'Of course, Inquisitor.' I replied, playfully bowing to her. I turned to Jurgen, and motioned for him to follow. 'Jurgen, your weapon please.'

'As the Emperor Wills.' He muttered his equivalent of a shrug, holding his weapon in parade position.

I approached the door of our pod, and much to my surprise, they knocked on it. I felt no reason not to greet them, so I foolishly opened the door with my guard down. Big mistake on my part, as I was immediately faced with a greenskin and a possible xenos-lover wearing blue!

'Commissar, get down!' I heard Jurgen shout, and I did, throwing myself towards him as my aide laid down a fusillade of las-fire. To my utter horror, the xenos-lover took the las-rounds as well as a Ork taking fire from a water pistol. 'Retreat! We're overrun!' I barked, before swinging my chainsword around. I knew it wouldn't kill them, seeing that this xenos-lover could shrug off las-rounds, what good would a chainsword be? At the time, I believed I didn't have much to lose at this point. Besides, if I was going to die, I better secure my reputation in front of a witness.

As expected, the chainsword did nothing to the xenos-lover. He slapped the sword away, lifting me up by the collar, choking me. This was it. This has got to be the point my lights go out, so why the ever loving frak isn't he doing anything? Instead, he hesitated, and looked at me with…pity. 'Stand down.' He said, almost pleadingly. 'I don't want to hurt you.'

'Well frak you, xenos-lover!' I quite literally blurted out, trying to kick him off me. 'The Imperial Guard does not, and will never, surrender to things like you!' Admittedly, that would have sounded more impressive if the 597th were around me. Without a doubt, I'm sure that they would immediately throw themselves on the xeno-lover just so they could free me. Since it was just Jurgen, Amberley (who I hope was in hiding somewhere), and I, I couldn't help but feel more than a little embarrassed, even feeling a little blood rushing to my head. I could barely hear Jurgen's cries, before I went unconscious.

When I finally had come to, I found myself locked in a holding cell, alone. I desperately began searching for the others. If they were gone, and I was alone, then my worst nightmares have come to fruition. Suddenly, I heard the distinct sound of a door sliding. Leading the way was a scantily-clad women with waist-length black hair and blue eyes, cradling Amberley under her arms. I could just see the formation of a nasty bruise on Amberley's left temple, along with wrist-binders*16. I couldn't help but feel another bout of shame fill within me.

Then my cell door opened, and I was met with the most ridiculous assortment of characters I had ever seen. Leading my group of torturers was some ridiculous man dressed in black and grey with, what I could assume, some sort of fetish for the Eldar,*17 if those knife-ears meant anything. To his right, was a blonde haired woman with blue eyes (whom doesn't resemble Amberley*18). To the left, was some man dressed in red, with a lightning bolt insignia that shouts "shoot me," and smiling infernally.

'You will come with us.' The leader demanded, his voice somewhat hoarse. 'Any attempt to escape will not be tolerated, and we will put you down.'

Honestly, whatever attempt he had to intimidate me into obedience is rather lacklustre. That is to say, if he faced off against the common hive scum or PDF trooper, he would be quite successful. Unfortunately for this xenos-lover, the only thing he manage to do was annoy me. 'If that is the best attempt to scare me into obedience, I'm afraid it won't work well for someone like me.'

'And if you don't move.' He grumbled, pressing into my personal space. 'I will force you to walk.'

I laughed derisively. "Obviously." I thought, leaning against my cell. I retorted, feeling a little spiteful. 'Then I suggest you get started.'

To my surprise, his blonde associate took him outside, leaving me with the red-wearing imbecile. 'Hey kid, how are you doing?' He rapidly said, faster than a autogun. I attempted to ignore him, but it only seemed to make it worse. 'C'mon kid, you can trust me! I'm The Flash, fastest man alive, and a hero on Earth. What's your name?'

Oh bother, I thought, rolling my eyes. Narcissists like him are best dealt with by setting up boundaries, and deal with immediate consequences. 'Whatever your name really is.' I began, giving him my best commissarial glare, which seemed to make him back off in shock. 'You will do well to treat me and my comrades with the respect they deserve as soldiers of the Imperial Guard. As such, I ask that you do not belittle our intelligence by treating us like juves. Failure to do so, will result in my treatment of you like a Juve in return.' There, that should do it. Unfortunately, this did little to dissuade him.

'C'mon, don't be like that.' He said, sounding sympathetic. 'We can talk.' Well, since he failed to listen, I avoided eye contact, finding the walls remarkably more entertaining than the chatter-vox.

'Flash, that's enough.' The blonde woman firmly states. 'Let me.'

Disappointed, the Flash retreated, and the woman sat down to my level. 'I'm Black Canary. A pleasure.'

'I'm a Commissar.' I replied, finding no point to reveal to her my name, seeing as she failed to give her's. 'And I wish I could say the same.'

'Believe me, I can understand the apprehension.' Black Canary stated, leaning against a wall, giving us a little more space. 'However, we had faced alien threats before, and we want to make sure you aren't one of them.'

I couldn't resist cocking an eyebrow on her. Surely she will recognize a human when she sees one! Even if they were invaded by the Chaos Cults, they would have recognize the difference in speech patterns between us and the psychopaths. Black Canary suddenly began, 'I noticed that you and your friends all have guns, can I ask why?'

Ah, yes. Finally, the questioning, though not the ones I was expecting. In all fairness, the questions were relatively harmless, and I doubt they could be used to harm us. 'That is because we are soldiers, miss.'

That revelation seemed to surprise her. In fact, I would say that the truth seemed to truly and utterly horrify her. 'Soldiers?' She asked, looking to me for clarification. 'For how long?'

'All my life.' I answered coolly. 'Ever since I was inducted into the Schola at a young age.'

'Inducted? You mean that they-' She repeated, still unable to believe what I said. The Black Canary adopted a rather mournful expression. 'I'm sorry to hear it.'

So was I, and I definitely appreciated the sentiments, but I can't reveal that. What if Amberley heard me? Instead, I replied, 'Whatever for? It is, as the Emperor wills.'

'The Emperor?' She asked, looking at me in bemusement. Oh great, a world that hasn't reached the Emperor's Light, though I really should have expected that. Well, I might as well give her an answer. 'Yes, His Imperial Majesty, The Emperor of Mankind.' I reiterated, making sure she got the idea firmly in her head, before I give a quote from Precepts of Saint Emelia, 'From his Golden Throne on Holy Terra itself, His Divine Imperial Majesty, the Emperor of Mankind, reaches out for all mankind. Not just out of hatred for the alien, the mutant, and the heretic, but with love for all his children.' Surely she could relate, after all, she did state that the world had been attacked by aliens before.

Unfortunately, this seemed to exasperate her shock. 'I see.' She said plainly. 'Then, as a soldier, I trust you saw many battles?'

'Of course.' I said, unable to hide my guffaw. 'Countless battles on countless worlds.' This interrogation is starting to irritate me some, and I believe that was their intention. It was a rather unconventional strategy, but one that I felt was working. The narcissist was meant to soften me up, before they send in a patronizing annoyance whose tone of voice and questions were meant to drive me right up the wall.

'So, I assume you saw deaths.' She concluded. 'How does that make you feel?'

I shrugged at her. What more could I just say to her? I've seen innumerable men and women (certainly braver than I could ever hope to be) die, many of whom fell beneath my own cowardly feet. She still seemed to look astonished, and I couldn't help but let out a heavy sigh. 'Doesn't it bother you?' She pressed. 'That your Emperor forces you to fight for his sakes?'

'Why in the warp would it bother me?' I demanded, losing my patience with her. I'm a soldier damn it! Honestly, can she not see that, even though I look like a juve, I lack the usual bravado as them? I believed that she would fully appreciate the weight of my duty, and to treat me as a proper competent. At the time, the pity she glared upon me and Amberley was vexing me beyond measure, and hoped my quote would break her out of that spell and interrogate me like any decent person. I honestly just couldn't take it anymore.

'Humanity is under siege, and His Imperial Majesty needs every able bodied man and woman to fight off the alien, the heretic, and the mutant. Casualties are inevitable, and acceptable, if it means the protection of our race, Emperor, and Imperium.' I began, standing up to my feet, feeling my legs sleeping. 'My job isn't to send soldiers to die. My job is to maintain the morale of the regiment, and lookout for defeatists, cowards, traitors. and heretics within the rank, and dispose of them. If one incompetent must be executed for ten competent ones to take their place, I shall do so without hesitation! As such, by the powers entrusted to me by the Officio Prefectus, I shall do my duty. For the Emperor!'

'I see.' She said, looking a bit lost in thought. 'Please excuse me.' Well, I say that went fairly well. Little did I realize how wrong I was, and my quote had the exact opposite effect of what I desired.

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Editorial Note:

As much as it pains me to admit, the minute we were boarded, it was over. After our capture, we were put in confinement, in which we were interrogated by several "Heroes of Earth" all whom attempted to form a sort of rapport with us, to gain our trust. Now, Cain's casual deposition (as well as his commissarial posturing) to answer the Black Canary's questions, followed up by further interrogation seemed to bring about an incredulous conversation with her the rest of the so-called "Justice League." I, myself, had held out for one week, before the "Martian" greenskin entered my mind. Cain was spared such an invasion due to his "openness" with Black Canary. Jurgen was the only one of us that managed to hold firm, despite the Heroes of Earth's attempts. Therefore, I extracted a transcript from the time of our imprisonment to give some context for their future conversations and thoughts about us…especially "The Team."

Transcript of event extracted from Justice League Watchtower security footage, 06/16/2009.M3.

Superman: Alright, the recorder's playing, we can begin. Bruce.

Batman: Very well. Thank you all for coming, let's begin. Today's meeting concerns the three "aliens"*19 that had been found and captured a week ago. Black Canary, you spent the most time with one of the three, what had you gathered?

Black Canary: I spent the most time with one Commissar Ciaphas Cain, and as the name implies, is a political officer meant to ensure the discipline of the regiment he's assign too. His secondary job is to investigate, crack down, and punish dissenters, traitors, heretics, and cowards…usually through execution.

[Heroes whispering, gasping, etc]

Green Arrow: Woah, hold up. Dinah, are you kidding me?

Black Canary: No, Ollie, I'm not joking. What's worse is that this Imperium of Mankind conscripted him to join a school dedicated to make more people like him!

[More incredulous chatter]

Aquaman: I assume he has seen battles then? Death?

Black Canary: He all but admitted that to me, even executed troopers as well. He must have been young to see so much death and destruction, because it doesn't bother him anymore. He treats it more like a fact of life. The only problem is, is that I can't blame him. He's brainwashed, so brainwashed to believe the "will of the Emperor" to an almost fanatical degree. It's depressing.

Batman: Has Cain told you anything about the Imperium?

Black Canary: [sigh] Yes, a little. The Imperium was established by the "Holy Emperor," and from what I gathered, rules over many worlds with a vast army. Cain even states that for every one soldier that falls, ten more can take his place. He also claims that the Imperium has been under siege from aliens from without, and with traitors or heretics from within.

Captain Atom: So that means they not only have the manpower, but also a logistical and naval capacity to transport those soldiers and their equipment to battle zones of their choosing. It also means that they are fighting a war on multiple fronts, and are spread thin.

Green Lantern II: Meaning that even if they did know we were here, they won't have enough to mount an invasion*20 without risking a front.

Batman: So Earth is safe…for now. J'onn…what do you know from your prisoner?

Superman: Bruce, she's just a kid.

Batman: One that wears heavy body armour; managed to escape your notice; knocked out several of our heroes; and attempt to destroy the Watchtower's reactor, and herself with it.

Superman: [coughs] Still…

Martian Manhunter: If I may?

Batman: Go on.

Martian Manhunter: Thank you. It is difficult for me to say, let alone comprehend what I saw, but I shall do my best.

Aquaman: Take your time, my friend.

Martian Manhunter: The young woman's name is Amberley Vail. She is a member of an organization called the Inquisition.

Green Arrow: I wasn't expecting that.

Martian Manhunter: Her department, the Ordo Xenos, investigates alien incursions, smugglers, and traitors. I won't be able to count the number of times she went on these missions, let alone lead them. She has fought, at worst, absolute monsters. These…things…are little more than locusts. Once they strip a planet of all life, they will move on. She fights these things almost every time she has a suspicion of corruption.

Wonder Woman: She sounds like a true warrior.

Martian Manhunter: Unfortunately, she is as brainwashed to this Emperor as much as the Commissar is. That is what I am willing to reveal to the League. The rest of her memories are too awful, too unbearable, for me to share, let alone remember.

Captain Marvel: Great, and what evil motto does she say then?

Martian Manhunter: Innocentiae Nihil Probat: Innocence proves nothing.

Captain Marvel: That's totally evil!

Wonder Woman: It was how she was taught, under this Emperor of her's. But what can be learnt, can be unlearnt. I believe Dinah (Black Canary) and Shayera (Hawkwoman) could help her re-learn true justice.

Batman: …that…is…dumb-

Superman: I think it's a great idea, but I think we're getting off topic.

Batman: …what?!

Superman: Bruce, please.

Batman: [grumble] Fine…what of the last prisoner?

Martian Manhunter: …I don't know.

Batman: Elaborate

Martian Manhunter: I cannot read his mind.

[Surprised shouts]

Martian Manhunter: When I try, it feels like I entered a blackhole. I couldn't risk going in further. It just felt too wrong. He just felt too wrong.

Batman: So we got nothing.

Black Canary: Not exactly. We did manage to fish out that he has several skin diseases; thermoses filled with some kind of tea; tablets with adult magazines downloaded on them; and various foodstuffs in eaten and uneaten states.

Captain Marvel: [snorts] Jeez, I guess he has no time to clean up or eat*21.

Green Lantern II: I'd imagine. If the Imperium was spread thin, then regiments needs to be constantly on the move from one battle zone to another.

Captain Atom: And judging by the state of his uniform, this soldier had been in near constant warfare. He doesn't have time to eat his rations, nor clean himself up.

Green Lantern I: Goes to show the skills and experience these fellas have.

Hawkwoman: Those poor kids.

Green Arrow: We gotta do something.

Black Canary: I second that!

Wonder Woman: As do I!

Batman: [incoherent grumbling…most likely, I frakking hate all of you]

Superman: Well, why not bring them into the Justice League? For now, let's talk some more and see what else we can deduce about them.

Any further discussion is not necessary, as I assume the point has been made.

—FOOTNOTES—

1. You didn't hide it all that well.

2. Cain used to serve in the 12th Valhallan Field Artillery at the start of his career as Commissar. Ironically, it was also the beginnings of his legendary "Hero" status.

3. When Cain first encountered me, more specifically when we discovered a genestealer.

4. Not entirely true. Yes, Jurgen is, in every respects, useful due to his status as a blank, which I found out via Rakel. However, Cain understates his propensity to survive impossible odds, let alone his ability to beat them altogether.

5. I do not skip meals! I just noticed that my caloric intake has exceeded my activity and tried to use up some of that excess energy in my body.

6. The Gellar Field is what protects warp-capable starships to travel through the Immaterium, creating a field of reality around the ship. As such, the occupants would be safe from the hostile predators of the warp.

7. Really Ciaphas, and his sudden appearance in our lifepod didn't clue you in already?

8. Do you know that this is the worst nightmare of everyone in the Ordo Xenos? The panic, the paranoia alone that we can't tell the difference between a human and a xenos?

9. Seriously...

10. More like sputtered, screamed, and cried…all at once. To be honest, if you really were an alien, I would have enjoyed your fear much more.

11. You always did know just what to say.

12. I take it back.

13. A widespread Perlian nickname for the members of Cain's ad hoc fighting force, first used as the title of a popular hologram about their exploits, and which subsequently stuck. Cain himself disliked the production intensely, not least because of a wholly invented subplot in which one of the militia recruits has a clandestine love affair with him, and because, almost inevitably, Jurgen fails to appear at all.

14. CAIN!

15. Not an inaccurate statement, though that would depend on the state of the world itself. The general rule of thumb used in the Inquisition (at least in the Ordo Xenos) is if 80% of the planet has fallen to Chaos, then press the big red button. If 75% has fallen to xenos such as the Orks or Necron, press the big red button. There are, of course, extenuating circumstances that would halt, or even inhibit, the use of exterminatus.

16. They claimed it was for my own protection, which I found hilarious. During my light conversation with the winged xenos, the green-skinned xenos, and some overgrown man child, I managed to broke out from the cuffs, and assaulted them. It provided me enough opportunity to escape. That is, before I was only put down when this "Amazon Princess," whom distracted and wore down my energy long enough for a lucky hit to the temple.

17. Obviously, if Cain is to be believed, he had never encountered a bat before.

18. Admittedly, the Black Canary (Dinah Lance) does share several key facial characteristics that remind me of my self. Though, I do appreciate the thought though.

19. I resent that! A bloody travesty, that is!

20. Pfft…hahahahahahahahahahaha. While partially correct, we can form an invasion force, and be ready to go. Even better, with the presence of threats such as "Superman," the Departmento Munitorum would sent the Death Korps of Krieg to make sure the job's done.

21. They obviously don't know Jurgen.