*WARNING: Arc 7/8 Spoilers Ahead!*
Hey everyone, I'm glad you stumbled upon my first fanfic! I'm gonna go right ahead and say that I am a huge Re:Zero fan and Subaru x Rem shipper. I've seen the anime and have read bits and pieces of the web novel here and there… mostly arcs 7-8 because of Rem waking up. Even after waking up in arc 7, Rem STILL hasn't gotten her memories back in arc 8, and I can't take it anymore! After reading so many fanfics, I've felt like writing something of my own for a while now, but I never did because I knew it would be mediocre writing. But now I've decided screw it, I'll kick things off with a nice, easy little one-shot that I'm surprised not many people have made yet. Without further ado, this is "Rem Gets Her Memories Back," my version of what would have happened if Rem had gotten her memories back shortly after waking up in Arc 7.
Sitting atop an open meadow, caressed gently by a wandering breeze was a boy, and in his embrace, a girl.
The boy had black hair, and eyes sharp as the edge of a dagger; eyes that made his face appear in a permanent scowl. However, at this moment, his expression was one of disbelief. His eyes were wide and sparkling with hope, his jaw agape. Though the strength of the arm pulling on his sleeve was not much, he could not move an inch.
His knees began to creak and tremble, and his whole body began to sweat. It truly was an incomprehensible urge. The entire being known as Natsuki Subaru began to shake all at once, the phenomenon making him go crazy. Of all the great surprises he had savored in this world, this one was as big as a massive wave.
?: [-Ah.]
Slowly, her eyelids trembled and opened slightly. Beneath those eyelids were pale blue eyes, as clear as the surface of a lake.
He loved… her happy and cheerful eyes.
He loved… the twinkle in her eyes when she occasionally acted mischievously.
He loved… the eyes that grasped his heart when she pleaded with him.
He had always, always yearned for that radiance.
Subaru: [Re-…]
His heart thumping, his throat quivering, as if he were choking on something, unable to produce a single sound… he'd choked up. How many thoughts were swirling around in his heart at this moment? The words he'd wanted to convey to her, the things he'd wanted to talk to her about, the dreams he'd wanted to share with her, all of these had been accumulating.
Subaru: [Rem.]
His lips trembling, he called out her name. Sadly, he had failed countless times trying to do just that. He wondered if he had ever clearly conveyed anything to her. Perhaps it had only been done in his own fantasies, and the most important thing was never conveyed.
Subaru: [Rem, Rem… Remm, Remm… Re…m… REM!]
Each time he called out her name, he could not stop his tears from overflowing like a flood. Each time tears flowed out of his eyes, she became blurred. Whenever she became obscured, he was afraid she would slip through his fingers once more. And so, desperately wiping his face with his sleeve, Subaru frantically tried to keep her face in his view.
Rem: […]
Rem blinked silently, a light shining in her eyes. Having gotten to this point, Subaru knew this was not simply an illusion being shown due to his desire, like what had happened with the Witch of Lust. He had no doubt that this was her—Rem—and she was here.
Rem: [Ah.]
Rem appeared to be trying to say something, her lips moving weakly. Hearing only that weak sound, Subaru's heart was on the brink of breaking. He'd always talked to her sleeping face, and, in order to confirm that she still had life, checked her breathing as she slept. Ushering in countless mornings and nights, Subaru had vowed to get her back. However, not once had he heard her voice in all this time. Closing his eyes, he recalled how she'd called out his name, and all sorts of other scenes. —But all of that belonged to the past. Today, tomorrow, he wanted to hear the voice of the new her. Now that wish had finally come true. Subaru had gotten what he'd yearned for.
Subaru: [Re…m… it's fine. It's okay, so take your time…]
Rem: [Who…]
She anxiously moved her lips, her mouth still closed. Honestly, he thought he should grab her a glass of water or something for her now. However, there didn't seem to be a water source available near them, and it was impossible for him to tear his eyes away from her. Just a single word. If she called out to Subaru once more. When he heard that word, he would—
Rem: […Are…]
Subaru: […Rem?]
In silence, Rem sped up the movements of her lips, seeking out any ounce of moisture in her mouth. Moistening her tongue with the secreted saliva, Rem finally regained enough strength to open her mouth. Then, with Subaru reflected in her light blue eyes, she opened her mouth and said—
Rem: [Who… are… you?]
Subaru: […]
The sound that spun from her lips, tied together with significance, pierced into Subaru's mind. He should have expected this possibility. The possibility that Rem might not remember him when she woke up, he had considered it. It was only natural to think of that if he took Gluttony's Authority into account. There was a high possibility of her waking up without her Name or Memories.
Indeed, it was quite likely. So, it wasn't like Subaru had never considered that she'd lack memories. And, of course, the shock and pain he was feeling right now wouldn't be eliminated just because of this, either.
Even if that were the case, no longer would Subaru curse fate and live in despair, no longer would he live in rage, no longer would he pretend to be a tragic hero and feel sorry for himself. Most important of all, Natsuki Subaru had already been told something by her.
"Please show me how awesome you can be, Subaru-kun."
Subaru: [-My name is Natsuki Subaru.]
Gritting his teeth hard, Subaru threw away his anguished expression and pulled his cheeks up. Rubbing his face hard, he did his best to put on an act and give Rem a smile.
Subaru: [You may not be able to remember it for now. But…I'm...]
Rem: [You… are…]
In the face of Rem's question, Subaru made a pause and shut his eyes tightly. Then, his black eyes reflecting in her light blue eyes, he continued—
Subaru: [I'm… your hero. -I've missed you, Rem.]
He'd waited for this very moment for so long. The memories of each day he passed in wait, in grief, none would allow him to look away for even the briefest of moments from the girl in front of him. The girl, embraced so dearly, looked at him through the locks of her bright, blue hair. Her eyes widened, though the strength to resist was barely present on her adorable face. It was as if she had woken from sleep, and was still caught up in her drowsiness. To be fair, that was indeed the truth of the matter. She'd finally woken up from a long, long slumber, so she'd quite obviously feel a disconnect from reality.
Rem: […Ah… um…]
Subaru: [Rem… I've been waiting so long for-]
Rem: […]
Subaru: [Rem?]
Trying to stifle the tremble of his own voice, he desperately tried to pick up on Rem's. Perhaps due to being thirsty or something of the sort, though as her lips moved and her tongue flicked, her throat would not produce sound. Even so, he put his ear near her mouth, attempting to glean even a sliver of what Rem was trying to communicate to him. Her meagre attempts to convey anything filled him with immense joy.
Subaru: [I'm listening, there's no need to rush it, okay? Rem, what are you trying to-]
"Tell me," he would have said, but was ultimately cut off. Once he'd drawn his ears close enough to listen to her, his trail of thought was halted as a hand pushed against his head and chin. Following that flow, he felt himself be turned over and fall to the ground. And then-
Subaru: [R-Rem…?]
Subaru found himself with his back on the grass, and Rem straddled on top of him. Bewildered, he remained stiff in place. Staring down at him, Rem's eyes scanned him from top to bottom. She then released a quiet sigh and,
Rem: [What's your aim here? With that awful stench… Tell me what you intend to do to me right now!]
Knees pressed down over Subaru's shoulders, her hands shot to his neck. With her weight bearing down on him, Subaru struggled to move, his legs twitching restlessly. However, the skill with which Rem had restrained him was somewhat aweing. She'd left no room for him to regain his freedom.
Subaru: [Gu… ah… ghk…]
Rem: [If you refuse to speak, I will simply continue until you desire to do so. Please do not prolong your own suffering. Speak. What exactly are you-…]
Suddenly, Rem felt her own grip begin to weaken as her body started shaking. Her eyes slowly widened.
Subaru: [Guah… R-Rem?]
As Subaru regained his breath, he felt something wet fall onto his face. As Rem's face came back into focus, Subaru realized-
Subaru: [Rem… why are you… crying?]
Rem: […]
Rem was currently completely unaware of what was going on around her. Her mind was inundated with memories faster than she could process them.
The fiery night her village was destroyed by the witch cultists.
Her days spent with Ram in the mansion.
And then, a certain spikey-haired boy entering her life.
Subaru sacrificing himself to push her away from the attacking Mabeasts.
Subaru making a heroic stand against the Mabeast leader while she was unable to move.
Subaru, finally awake, telling her the words she had no idea she needed to hear so badly.
Subaru patting her head and stroking her hair.
Subaru breaking down and venting his insecurities as she confessed her love to him.
Subaru vowing to become the most awesome hero ever.
Subaru attempting to hide his blush at her offer to become his wife.
Subaru defeating the white whale.
Subaru confessing his love and desperately begging her not to leave him when he thought she was dying.
Subaru promising to keep her by his side from now on before leaving her with Felix so he could go stop the witch's cult.
All these memories and many more made her heart flutter to the point she was dizzy. But then…
The carriages being attacked on her way back to Crusch's estate.
Her fight with the sin archbishop of Gluttony.
And, finally, the world going dark.
Rem: [Subaru…kun…]
A single word, and yet it was enough to shatter any doubts or disappointments Subaru had in that moment. A single word, and yet it told him everything he needed to know. Hearing his name called out to him had never before sounded so sweet. No other person could have held a candle to the catharsis he felt from hearing his name upon Rem's lips. He had fantasized and dreamed of hearing her call out to him again for so long, but nothing could compare to the reality that had finally arrived for him in this precious moment.
How Rem could have regained her memories, it did not matter. Subaru could no longer contain the emotions he had been holding back. The two gazed into each other's teary eyes with similar understanding.
Subaru: [R-Re…m…]
Rem: [Subaru…kun… Subaru-kun… Subaru-…]
Rem, now sobbing uncontrollably, buried her head into Subaru's chest.
Rem: [Subaru-kun, Subaru-kun, SUBARU-KUN!]
Subaru: [Rem, Rem, my Rem…]
The two shed seemingly endless tears as they melted into each other's embrace, Subaru squeezing her warm body closer to his with all his might as if she would disappear if he let go. After what felt like an eternity, Subaru sniffled and wiped his face enough to attempt to utter a coherent sentence to the newly awakened beauty.
Subaru: [Rem… Welcome back, Rem. Your hero has… missed you so, so much.]
Rem: [Subaru-kun, I… I thought I was never going to see you again… I-I wasn't strong enough to stop them…]
Rem continued to sob the more she spoke. Although she had no idea what had happened for her to survive, she recalled her final moments before being devoured by Gluttony, as she thought she would never see her hero again.
Subaru: [Rem, I… Rem I am so, so sorry… it was all my fault Rem… all of it… I never should have left your side for a single moment… I-I thought I had lost you forever… Rem, oh Rem…]
Barely able to manage herself, Rem began to gently stroke the boy's hair and console him, a soft smile forming on her lips.
Rem: [Even as I thought I was going to die… Rem had complete faith in her hero until the very end. I knew you would defeat them, even though no one else could. I remember I… I just wished that once Subaru-kun realized Rem was gone, it could cause a small ripple in his heart-]
Subaru: [BULLSHIT!]
Rem: [Eh..?! Subaru-kun, I…]
Subaru: [A small ripple in my heart?! God I'm so pathetic…]
Rem was taken aback by what appeared to be a volatile outburst from Subaru, but listened expectantly as suddenly Subaru held her face in his hands, his eyes below gazing intently into hers as she looked down at him from just inches above.
Subaru: [Rem, look at me. I need you to listen carefully to what I'm about to say.]
Rem blushed and slowly nodded as Subaru held her face firmly in his hands, his sharp gaze piercing into her.
Subaru: [Rem… you've been asleep for almost two years now. Every single morning and evening, I stayed by your side and swore I would bring you back.]
Rem's eyes widened in shock from the newfound revelation that she had been asleep for almost two entire years. What had happened to the rest of Crusch's party? How did Ram react when she found out? All the time she had lost…
Subaru: [Your Name was eaten by the sin archbishop of Gluttony. For two years now, I… I've been the only one who remembered who you were, Rem. Your sister, Roswaal, Emilia… not a single person remembered except me.]
Rem: [Wha… huh?]
Rem thought her tear ducts were already emptied, and yet still more tears began to trickle down her face.
Rem: [Nee-sama… forgot who I was?]
Although there was certainly relief knowing that Subaru remembered her completely, it still hurt her deeply to discover that not even her beloved twin sister remembered who she was. It was almost too much to believe. If it weren't for Subaru, whose word she believed more than anyone else's, she would not have accepted his explanation so quickly.
Subaru gently wiped her tears away, his heart aching seeing the girl's clear distress.
Subaru: [I… I know this must be a lot. Even now, I'm the only one who remembers who you were before you fell to Gluttony. But Rem, everyone still cares so much about you. I… we all endured… so much to bring you back. Not everyone believed everything I said, but… they were still gladly willing to risk their lives for you. Every single one of them knows… how important you are to me.]
Rem chuckled to herself softly, a gentle smile spreading across her teary face.
Rem: [For Subaru-kun to have gone through so much trouble… Rem is truly a lucky girl indeed. As expected, Subaru-kun is always reaching a kind hand out to the ones he cares about-]
Subaru: [You're not just anyone to me, Rem.]
Rem: […]
There were so many things Subaru had failed to tell her, so many things he had been unable to convey. After having experienced two years' worth of longing and regret, Subaru would not hold anything back, not a second longer.
Subaru: [Rem, that day when I was ready to give up and run away, you saved me. You wrung everything out of me until my tears ran dry, heard every last bit of how much I hated myself, and yet you still called me your hero and said you wanted to be by my side. Without you I never would have had the courage to move forward. So much has happened these past two years that you wouldn't believe... but nothing felt complete without you. You hoped your death would at least cause a small ripple in my heart? Rem... losing you crushed me completely. I never forgot a single thing you told me. Your words are the only things that have kept me going this entire time without you. I meant it when I told you I would die if you died. I need you, Rem.]
Subaru knew very well that this was no understatement on his part, as he had stabbed through his own throat to loop and possibly risk having to redo the entire battle with the white whale, all to try and get Rem back.
The butterflies in Rem's chest were overflowing as she hung on to every last word Subaru uttered. As someone who had always belittled herself and seen herself as disposable, hearing that she wasn't an inconvenience and that Subaru truly needed her was indescribable bliss. Although she felt partially responsible for his grief, it warmed her heart to know he had cared for her so deeply to grieve losing her as much as he had.
Subaru: [All I've done is take and take... I took you for granted, Rem. You've done so much for me, more than you know, and yet I was never able to properly respond to your feelings.]
Rem: [Subaru-kun...]
Subaru slowly lifted himself and Rem up off the ground, the two now standing face to face embracing each other, as they had after the subjugation of the white whale. Rem, still weak and not used to standing, was held up by Subaru, who had his arms wrapped around her waist. Looking into her crystal blue eyes, those eyes he loved and yearned for so much, Subaru was overwhelmed with feelings of intense love and affection for the girl who was now awake in his arms. He wanted to protect that innocent face, that beautiful smile, and would gladly endure hell itself to do so.
Subaru: [Rem, I have waited so long to tell you these words. There's so much I've wanted to tell you and so much I still plan on telling you now. But, if nothing else, at the very least I need you to know...]
Rem's heart was beating out of control the more she heard Subaru leading into the inevitable words. "It couldn't be," she thought. Such happiness could not possibly be hers for the taking...
Subaru: [...that I love you, Rem.]
Rem stood speechless at first, the gravity of Subaru's confession slowly setting in. And as it became more and more obvious that it wasn't a dream, Rem could not contain the flood of emotions that poured out of her.
Rem: [SUBARU-KUN!]
Rem buried her head into Subaru's chest once more, weeping tears of utter joy. Subaru, with a smile of contentment on his face, closed his eyes and embraced the girl with the full weight of two years' worth of unexpressed love and adoration.
After a river of tears had flowed, Rem looked up at Subaru with a loving expression that could only be described as pure bliss.
Rem: [As expected... Rem's hero is truly the greatest in the world.]
The two laughed as their foreheads slowly touched, smiling and sighing together as they gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. As the proximity was so close that their breathing could be felt by each other, they each felt their own heartbeats speeding up as they naturally became pulled towards each other's lips...
Subaru closed his eyes and leaned in, but suddenly felt something preventing his lips from reaching hers any further.
Subaru: [Mmmph, R-Rem?]
Rem had placed her index finger in between their lips, giggling and winking at him with that oh-so-adorable and mischievous expression of hers.
Rem: [Sorry Subaru-kun, but Rem needs to hear you say it again. After all, you did reject her initial confession.]
Subaru felt himself heat up until his entire face was blushing, and barely managed to stutter out-
Subaru: [Y-you... you... YOU!]
Rem: [Please Subaru-kun. My heart cannot bear it any longer.]
Subaru heavily sighed, but then began to chuckle and adorn a bashful smile. Just this interaction alone was something he had missed so dearly and, if he was honest, it was relieving to him as he was completely convinced that this was the true Rem, his Rem, standing before him now, her mischievous side still strikingly apparent.
Subaru: [Honestly... that was me pouring my heart out, you know... I don't know how I can be expected to do much more...]
Rem: [This isn't the first time Rem has made you say those words, you know.]
Subaru's face was bright red, as he remembered how he had confessed his love as Rem was tragically fading away in his arms... just for him to discover a second later that Rem had feigned her "death" the entire time. Shaking his head and cooling himself down, Subaru held Rem's shoulders and looked into her eyes with complete seriousness.
Subaru: [Rem, I love you. If you aren't with me, I can't live on. In the future where I talk while smiling, I need you. I won't let you go to anyone else's side. You are mine. I won't let anyone have you-...]
Suddenly, Subaru felt a pair of soft lips pressed against his own. Although his eyes were wide with shock, slowly he closed them and leaned deeper into the kiss. Rem, blushing madly, smiled in contentment at the words Subaru had just expressed.
Rem: [Proposal accepted.]
As the two continued to embrace each other and kiss passionately, Subaru's self-declaration from that fateful day echoed once again in his mind.
"Natsuki Subaru's story will begin right here, from zero."
Author's Corner
Well, there you have it! I'm so excited to have completed my first fanfic! I've gained a lot of respect for people who are able to write stories so much longer and more thorough than this one. Please let me know what you thought! I plan to write some more Subaru x Rem fluff in the future, and I think this one-shot was a good starting point to get more comfortable with writing Subaru and Rem's dialogue and whatnot. I felt like Rem's lines were difficult to write, because I wasn't sure how much I could use her third-person manner of speaking without it becoming too obnoxious. Perhaps I can take a crack at a multi-chapter story next... we'll see. To anyone who's reading this story the day it was published, Merry Christmas! I look forward to reading your reviews.
-TheEndBoss