"Bittersweet Holiday"

By EsmeAmelia

The Kashyyykian sun pouring into the treehouse hotel room drew Finn out of a sound sleep, though his eyes remained closed. He lay in bed for several more minutes, savoring the fresh, woodsy smell of the room and the peaceful sound of his wife's gentle sleep-breathing. Though he could have easily allowed himself to drift back off to sleep, he forced his eyes open to face his beautiful wife, her hair mussed all over the pillow.

"Hey," he whispered, running his hand over her cheek and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear with his thumb, "Happy Life Day, sweetheart!"

Rey responded only with a groan.

"Honey," Finn said in a slightly louder voice, "come on, you know Chewie and the other Wookiees will want us to help with party preparations."

Rey groaned again, this time pulling a bit of the covers over her face.

"Rey, please," Finn persisted. "You don't wanna disappoint Chewie, do you?"

"I'm pregnant!" Rey grumbled from under the covers. "Doesn't that exempt me from the preparations?"

Finn let out a sigh. "Well, I guess, but I think little Han might like to help out too."

"I'm not sure if we should name him that."

Finn felt his heart jump. "What?"

"You heard me!" Rey snapped, finally peeking out from under the covers, eyes bleary. "I'm not sure if we should name him Han."

"It was your idea!"

"Well, now I'm having second thoughts about it," Rey said in a clipped, annoyed voice. "Please Finn, I'm tired, the baby kept me up most of the night."

Even though Finn hadn't been training in the Force for long, he could sense more than just normal pregnancy tiredness flowing from her. "Rey?" He tried to make his voice as gentle and approachable as possible, running his hand through her matted hair. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she responded too automatically. "I'm just tired."

His other hand gently traveled down to the spot where her five-month-pregnant stomach bulged under the covers. "I think Han wants to help you feel better."

"I told you – I'm not sure if we should name him that."

"Why not?"

Rey groaned for the third time, closing her eyes again. "Finn, please, just let me be for a while."

Finn ran his teeth over his bottom lip, sensing that whatever was bothering her, she wasn't going to tell him right now. "All right," he said, leaning over and kissing her forehead. "Happy Life Day, hon."

. . .

After getting dressed, Finn left the hotel and went pacing down the catwalks connecting the trees without any destination in mind. Though he knew he should probably find Chewie and see what he could do to help with the preparations, whatever was bothering his wife occupied too much of his mind to worry about party preparations. Even the warm, moist Kashyyyk air filling his nostrils couldn't distract him from thinking of Rey.

"Hey Finn, can you help me with these?"

A little further down the catwalk was Poe, unpacking a box of large sphere-shaped lanterns with BB-8 eagerly rolling back and forth as he watched. "Sure," Finn called, picking up his pace and heading towards his friend.

"Thanks, buddy," Poe said once Finn arrived. "These things are s'posed to be hung up around the trees."

Finn reached into one of the boxes and picked up two lanterns, which were much heavier than they looked – they pulled down on his arms, making him grimace.

"Yup, that was my reaction too," said Poe. "Guess it happens when Wookiees make decorations."

Finn carefully placed one of the lanterns back in the box so he could better hang up the other one. "Hey, Poe?"

"What?"

"I think Rey's depressed," Finn said as he carefully tied the lantern to a tree branch.

"Depressed? What do you mean?"

Finn's lips crumpled as he picked up the other lantern. "She wouldn't get out of bed, she didn't seem excited about the party at all, and she's even saying that she's not sure if she wants to name the baby Han anymore."

Poe's mouth twisted in thought. "Well you know, pregnancy, it makes people moody."

"I know, I know," Finn said through a sigh, holding the lantern with both his hands and gazing down at it. "But this didn't seem to be just about pregnancy."

"Well . . . what else could it be about?"

"I don't know. Maybe she thinks I'm not learning fast enough with my training, maybe she's worried that she's a bad teacher, maybe it's Ben, I don't know!"

Poe jumped back slightly at the mention of the word Ben. "What, you think she's feeling guilty that she married you instead of Ben? That you're the father of her baby instead of Ben? That's crazy!"

"I don't know, is it?" Finn stared into his friend's eyes, still holding the lantern. "He sacrificed himself for her and died in her arms, they had that weird dyad Force connection, maybe she thinks she was meant to be with him, Kylo Ren or not!"

"Hey, Finn," said Poe, clapping his friend on the shoulder, "the Force doesn't arrange who we're supposed to get together with. She married you because she wants to be with you."

"He appears to her sometimes," Finn blurted out.

Again Poe jumped back. "Wait, what?"

BB-8 made a loud whirring sound as he wheeled back and forth, and though Finn couldn't understand his language, he could tell that the little droid was asking the same question.

"He appears to her," Finn repeated. "Like how Master Skywalker appeared to Rey on Ahch-To, Ben appears to her too. He's even talked to me a few times."

Now Poe nearly dropped the lantern he was holding. "What?" He stared at Finn, eyes bulging and unblinking. "When were you planning on telling me that you're being haunted by Kylo Ren's ghost?"

Finn let out a sigh, figuring that he deserved this reaction. "Well, ghost visits aren't exactly the easiest thing to talk about." He sighed again. "Besides, does it really count as being haunted when I've only seen him a few times?"

Poe chewed on the inside of his cheek for several seconds, probably figuring out what to say. "And . . . what have you, uh, talked about?"

Finn shrugged as if talking to the dead was no big deal. "He wants to make sure I'm treating Rey well. Of course, last time we were all talking about the baby – me, Rey, and him, all three of us. He was delighted when we told him we were planning to name the baby Han."

Now Poe was frowning. "Does he think he's a member of the family or something?"

"He kind of is," said Finn. "Dyads in the Force don't stop just because one of them dies."

"So he'll be your baby's ghost uncle or what?"

"I don't know!" Finn shouted. "Isn't all that beside the point?"

"Is it? When you tell me you're bein' haunted by Kylo Ren's ghost, you can't really expect me to just drop it."

"Okay, okay, fair point." Finn let out yet another sigh as he hung up another lantern. "Look, I was gonna tell you, but I always had trouble talking about it. You can understand that, right?"

Poe scrunched his face, but after a few moments he nodded. "Yeah, I get it, I dunno how I'd go about tellin' people that I was seein' ghosts either."

BB-8 beeped something to Poe.

"I dunno, buddy," said Poe, twisting his mouth in thought. "That's a bit out there."

"What?" asked Finn. "What did he say?"

Poe gave a sheepish grin. "He wondered if maybe Ben could figure out what's bothering Rey."

Finn found himself smiling back despite everything. "Maybe, but Force ghosts don't just come when they're called. They're busy doing . . . whatever ghosts do in their afterlife."

. . .

After the lanterns were all hung up, Finn returned to the hotel only to find their room empty. For a moment he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reaching out with the Force in search of his wife, but all he sensed was that she didn't want to talk to him right now. As he opened his eyes, he let out a long exhale and collapsed on the bed. "Rey," he muttered, "why are you avoiding me? Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, you're not doing anything wrong."

This voice wasn't Rey's – it was deep, male, and familiar. With a groan, Finn looked up and sure enough, there was Ben's ghost sitting on the edge of the bed. The former stormtrooper let out another groan as he pushed himself to a sitting position next to the ghost.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"The same thing you want," said Ben. "To help Rey."

"So you know what's bothering her?"

"No, but I have an idea."

Finn felt his eyebrows go up. "What sort of idea?"

Ben gazed into the distance. "Sometimes my dad got depressed at the holidays too. My mom – she loved the holidays so much, she shared her traditions from Alderaan, she always made sure our place was decorated and that festive songs were always playing. Some years we came here to celebrate Life Day with Uncle Chewie, other years we celebrated Fete at home, but she always got that sparkle in her eyes this time of year no matter what. But Dad . . . even though he participated in the celebrating and laughed and sang and was happy most of the time, there were some times when the holidays reminded him of what he didn't have growing up."

Finn gulped. "You mean how his parents died when he was little and he got taken in by that gangster?"

Ben nodded. "He tried to hide it, but I could sense how sometimes the holidays just hurt for him. A few times he even retreated to the bedroom to cry himself out so he could put on a smiling face for us. I think maybe Rey's going through something similar."

"Well . . . I didn't have a family growing up either. I mean, I was kidnapped from my family and raised to be a stormtrooper." He tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but it surfaced regardless. "Holidays were spent doing drills when I was a kid!"

"Not always," said Ben. "I remember how the officers would set up Fete trees in the Star Destroyers and exchange presents regardless of whether or not they were allowed to."

"Yeah, well you think that spread down to the kids?"

Again Ben was staring off into the distance. "You shouldn't have had to suffer that. No one should. I know, I could have ordered the stormtrooper program shut down, but I didn't. Go ahead and yell at me."

Finn was starting to feel lightheaded, part of him wanting to yell at the ghost but another part still worried about his wife. "It's not exactly holiday spirit to yell at dead people," he said through still another sigh.

"Maybe it is," said Ben. "Holidays can be depressing. This time of year, there's so so much pressure on you to be happy, so if you're not happy, then you feel like there's something wrong with you."

Finn had a feeling that Ben wasn't just talking about his father or Rey.

"Anyway," said Ben, finally looking Finn in the eye, "I might have an idea on how to cheer Rey up, if you're open to ideas."

. . .

That evening, the Life Day feast was held in full splendor with red robes, candles, food, and singing. The lanterns sparkled in the trees like a skyful of stars as far as anyone could see and there was a gentle breeze blowing the woodsy smell over everything. Rey and Finn sat next to each other at one of the long wooden tables, decked in red robes like everyone else, and Finn thought his wife looked like she was in a slightly better mood, though they didn't get much opportunity to talk to each other with all the songs and Wookiee toasts.

Finally came time to exchange gifts. Rey smiled at Finn as she handed him a small box wrapped brown paper – unlike how most Fete celebrations in other parts of the galaxy involved gifts wrapped in colorful paper with pictures and designs, Life Day presents were traditionally wrapped in brown paper, symbolizing the Wookiees' connection to the forest.

"Happy Life Day, sweetheart," she said, her smile warm but slight sadness still flowing from her.

"Happy Life Day," Finn echoed, handing her his own present that he'd wrapped in brown paper and kissing her lips.

"Open yours first," Rey said quickly, allowing no room for argument.

"All right." Finn carefully unwrapped his gift, giving periodic glances to Rey's baby bump – to Han, Finn was already used to calling it – and debating with himself about whether or not to bring up how she'd said she wasn't sure about the name anymore.

He opted not to, taking his time as he peeled the paper off, revealing a simple box. With another glance at the baby bump, he opened the box to reveal . . .

"A snowflake ornament?" Finn exclaimed, hesitant to remove the delicate-looking wooden ornament, painted white in uneven strokes, from the box.

"For our Fete tree at home," said Rey.

"Did you make this?" Finn asked in astonishment.

Rey nodded. "Out of wroshyr twigs from the trees right here."

"It's beautiful," Finn murmured, leaning over and kissing his wife. "This will look great on our tree." After another kiss, he gestured to the gift in Rey's hands. "Now open yours."

Rey did so, as slowly and carefully as Finn had opened his, as if she wanted to prolong the surprise. Then when she finally opened the box . . .

"A Wookiee doll?" she exclaimed with a small gasp.

Finn nodded. "Ben might have appeared to me and might have told me that he had a Wookiee doll like this one when he was little and named him Chewie Junior." He gestured towards the box. "Read the note."

Rey carefully lifted up the doll, revealing the handwritten note underneath. Finn gazed into the box, reading his own words along with her.

Rey,

Things have been rough for you. Not just with the baby coming, but with everything. Growing up a scavenger, waiting endless days and nights for a family that never came, and that's not even mentioning the whole dyad thing or well . . . Palpatine.

Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories. My point is that I understand if you're feeling overwhelmed and depressed. The holidays are an overwhelming time in general, and that's without a coming baby. You might thing this gift is really for Han – or whatever you want to name him – but no, it's for you. Ben told me that when things get overwhelming, it can help to have something soft to hug. That's what this is – something soft to hug and press against your chest when those overwhelming feelings come. Hey, maybe the Jedi should have had some soft things to hug too.

Love,

Finn (and Ben)

Rey let out a small chuckle as she finished reading. "You're right," she said. "Maybe the Jedi should have had some soft things to hug." Before Finn could respond, she threw her arms around him, squeezing the doll between them.

"I love you," she whispered. "So does little Han."

THE END