I laid in bed longer than I wanted to, fully awake, but trying to wait out the boys. If I played it right, they'd be out on the slopes and I wouldn't have to see them at all.

But it was already nine. And Otto was always eager to start snowboarding as soon as he possibly could. They were probably already out there. I didn't hear them. Once in a while, I could hear Tito, but his voice carried more than others.

My stomach growled loudly, telling me it was time to risk it.

I climbed out of bed, throwing a sweatshirt on over my tank top and opening the door. The hallway was clear, my dad and Tito were at the dining room table, it looked like the boys were—

The bathroom door popped open and Twister walked out, immediately halting when he saw me. His tshirt was wrinkled and he had some bad bed-head, but he looked good. Too good.

"Oh, um, hey Reggie," he said awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.

Play it cool, play it cool.

"Hey!" I said, over enthusiastically, my body moving to greet him with a hug, as if that were the way to show him everything between us was normal.

It wasn't. Far from it. He was caught off-guard by the hug and he didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to do and it was terrible. The worst hug we'd ever had. It was a half hug where we both avoided getting too close and there was a quick, awkward back pat. It was terrible, made even worse when his scent infiltrated my nose. It had been so long since I'd breathed him in, I had forgotten just how good he smelled.

"Sorry I didn't get a chance to say hi yesterday," I said after we quickly parted. "I had a deadline so I was scrambling to get things together."

Anyone would see right through the lie, but Twister was gullible enough that I hope he'd believe it. I needed to show him he had no effect on me. That all those feeling of love and heartbreak didn't come rushing back the moment I saw him.

"It's okay. I hope you were able to get it in on time."

"Yep. Sure was."

He nodded and I kept my smile plastered on during the silence, trying to pretend it wasn't excruciating. Neither of us knew how to talk to each other anymore. It used to be so easy; we used to talk about everything.

"Well, I'm gonna . . ." I trailed off, gesturing my head towards the bathroom door behind him.

"Cool. Yeah, I guess I'll see you when you're . . ."

"Yep. See you then," I said, stupidly holding up my hand to wave goodbye.

I held my smile as I moved around him, letting it fall when i shut the bathroom door. I leaned against it, closing my eyes.

This was going to be so much worse that I thought.

I'd thought so much about what I was thinking and feeling in seeing Twister. My mind had wondered down memory lane, replaying all the good and all the bad. I'd contemplated how I would act around him again and again but I didn't think through the fact that I couldn't just avoid him all day like I'd planned.

I'd rushed out the door, telling the guys I'd catch up with them later, but that meant I actually had to catch up with them later. Raymundo didn't like the idea of my snowboarding alone in the first place. He just felt too bad for me to tell me I couldn't do it.

And Mt. Baldy was small enough that we'd inevitably run into each other. I just wished my dad and Tito would hit the slopes so I could hang with them all day, but they were too set on relaxing at the cabin. I was stuck with Otto and Twister.

"So I'm talking major air," Otto continued on with his story as we stood in line for the lift. "And this guy's trying to show me up but he's got nothing on me."

I was only half-listening to his story. I was more focused in trying not to look at Twister too much, while also making sure I didn't just completely avoid looking at him altogether. That would be a dead giveaway that I still wasn't over him. I honestly didn't know if I'd ever get over him. At least, not fully. I'd gone on a handful of dates since we broke up and a few of the guys seemed really great, but none were Twister.

"So I'm like, 'bro! What's your problem?' And he was like 'I don't have a problem'."

I glanced at Twister and met his eyes for the briefest second before we both quickly returned our gazes to Otto.

"And then he tried to steal my wave," Otto continued, completely obvious to the exchange Twister and I just had.

Did he really not notice the weirdness between us or was he just trying to force it to be like it was before? He was probably just too focused on himself to pay attention to the fact that neither of us had said anything the whole time we were waiting. And I really did feel bad about the fact that our breakup had split up our friend group. Sure, Sam and I going college had sort of thrown that in motion already, but still. Last summer was the first one i could remember us not all hanging out together. It was hard on me, but it was hard on Otto too, and I was trying to keep that in mind now.

"Earth to Reg." Otto's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry. I'm still kind of out of it from finals," I lied, hoping he'd buy it.

He didn't seem to care. He wasn't even paying attention to me anymore; he was looking behind me, a slow, easy smile spreading across his face.

"You guys go ahead. I'll meet you at the top."

"What?" I protested.

He ignored me, moving around the people behind us to the back of the line, where a girl was shooting him flirty eyes.

"Oh, brother," I mumbled to myself.

Otto would leave me to ride the lift with my ex just so he could chat it up with some girl he'd never see again.

"I guess it's just us," Twister said.

"Looks like."

"So—," I started at the same time he said something.

"You go ahead

"No, you can go."

"I was just going to ask how school's been," he said bashfully.

Thankfully we were almost to the front of the line.

"Pretty good," I nodded. "A little stressful thinking about graduation, going into the real world."

I didn't know why I was telling him that. He used to be the person I opened up to about that kind of stuff, but my brain apparently didn't get the message that he wasn't that person anymore. I hadn't talked to him in almost two years. I shouldn't be telling him about my fears of the future; I should be keeping everything surface level.

"I'm sure," he said, his voice so full of understanding, reminding me why I thought it was a good idea to tell him in the first place. "I can't imagine having to go through all that. I'd be terrible at it."

I snorted and he gave me a questioning look.

"Really?" I asked, not quite believing him. "I mean, you're already in the real world. You've already done it. You got a job right after you quit school."

"Otto told you about that?"

He really didn't need to know I'd been keeping tabs on him all this time, but thankfully we were next in line for the lift, so I was able to avoid answering him.

We stepped forward, putting our boots and snowboards against the line while the lift came to us. We sat and pulled the bar down.

"How's that going anyway?" I asked. "The videographer gig?"

"Slower now. Summer's really the busy season. But I like it. It's what I always wanted to do." He paused before speaking again. "But you know, it's different. I got lucky getting that job. It wasn't like I had to go through the application process or anything. I'd never get a job if I had to do all that."

"You got it because you're talented," I said, matter-of-factly. "You don't believe in yourself enough."

"You always believed in me," he said quietly.

That one comment struck my heart way harder than it should've, immediately shifting the mood and causing a silence between us. What was I supposed to say to that?

"So, um. Your parents went to Mexico?" I switched subjects. "Is Lars there too?"

Subtext: Did you purposefully stay home from that trip so you could join on this trip?

"Nah. He's actually spending Christmas in Portland with his girlfriend's family."

I crooked my head and widened my eyes.

Lars didn't have girlfriends. He was like Otto; more of a date around kind of guy.

"Yeah," he chuckled, knowing exactly what my expression was saying. "It's kind of weird, right? But they've been dating for a few months. They seem pretty happy."

So did we.

"That's good."

This was my chance. The window I hadn't realized I was looking for until it appeared. But surely Otto would've mentioned if Twister were dating someone, right? And was it weird to ask him? Would it make him think i was only asking because I still wasn't over him?

"Are you seeing anyone?" He beat me to it.

"Nope." I probably could've tried to spin it to round better than it was, but Twister and I were never like that. We didn't play games. "You?"

"No."

Despite my relief, the silence between us that followed was torturous. I looked forward, begging the lift to move faster. We were almost at the top of the mountain, but this last little bit was dragging on forever.

"I'm really sorry about all this," he said as we approached the top.

"Don't worry about it," I said, quickly bailing the lift and moving off to the side.

Otto would be off soon. Then I could just focus on snowboarding. I would be back on my own, going down the mountain—with Twister and Otto surrounding me and reminding me of the old days.

"I just don't want to ruin your Christmas or anything," he said as he moved beside me.

I looked past him at the lift. Two more and Otto was off. As long as he didn't take extra flirting time afterwards.

"Everything with us is ancient history," I said, putting on a totally cool and collected voice as I said it.

"Cool." He nodded, looking a little disappointed.

I hated the little bubble of hope rising up inside me at the idea that maybe Twister wasn't over me either.