A week passed. Brian still wasn't back. When the seventh day passed and there was still no sign of him, it was decided over supper that Adam and Crane would ride up to high country the following morning to check on him and hopefully bring him back. Even though I was still hurt from what he had blurted out at the supper table about how he'd 'been looking after kids his whole life who he didn't ask for' when Hannah had taken him to task about his neglect of Starr, I missed him. Brian had been a constant parental figure my whole life and so the longer he stayed away, the more it felt like an a abandonment and a rejection. Of course, I knew that he was fighting his own demons and it wasn't about me, but it didn't make it hurt less. I was mad at him though so it felt complicated.

To make matters worse, school was miserable for me, what with being friendless and Josh ignoring me and all. After talking with Molly, I'd decided that if Josh was going to ignore me, then I would ignore him right back. As Molly said, it was his loss. I missed him too though, even though that was kind of silly; it's not as if he had been my boyfriend or anything. All in all, I was lonely. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone in my family the way I had talked to Olivia, even though they were all trying to be supportive. The only person I felt like I could really talk to was Molly.

I'd grown really attached to her. Probably unhealthily attached. I felt like she was the only person who could understand me. In my mind, I'd decided that all my problems would be over if I could move schools. It would give me a chance to make new friends, I decided, and I also wouldn't need to see the slimy faces of Olivia's rapists every day. Plus, I'd get away from Josh. Out of sight, out of mind I figured. That's why I wanted, more than anything, to go and live with Molly and Crane during the week. That way, I figured, I could transfer to a school in Bear Valley.

I figured that I should ask Molly about it first. It was her place after all. And I thought that if Molly agreed, then it was more likely that Crane would agree too. I decided to ask Molly while Crane was away with Adam in the high country. It was a Saturday and even though Crane was away, Molly was at the ranch. She had started spending a lot more time with us recently as a family, with Hannah and me and Starr. I hoped that meant that Crane would propose soon; I wanted to lock her into the family.

She and I were outside hanging laundry up on the line so that Hannah didn't have to, when I broached the subject. I knew I'd find it easier to talk to her when we were doing something rather than face to face.

Molly paused hanging up one of what looked like Crane's shirts when I blurted out that I wanted to come and live with her and Crane.

"What?' she said, like she hadn't heard me properly. She sounded shocked and her eyebrows had disappeared into her bangs.

"I'd like to come live with you and Crane," I said again, not looking at her as I secured one of Starr's babygros on the line with pegs. I could feel my face getting hot.

"Heidi," Molly said.

"What?" I said, still hanging clothes.

"Look at me."

I paused what I was going reluctantly and turned to face Molly. Her expression was inscrutable; I couldn't read her.

"Are you serious?" she asked, "About what you just said."

"Yea…" I said softly.

There was a moment of silence. Not a long moment, but definitely more than a couple of seconds.

"Why?"

"You know why," I said, turning away from her again and picking up another pair of jeans- Guthrie's this time.

There was another pause and then Molly said, "Tell me again."

"I want to go to a different school," I said, softly. "I don't have any friends now that Olivia's gone and Josh has stopped speaking to me. I'm lonely."

Molly was silent again. She was still holding the same shirt that she had been when I'd blurted out what I wanted and she was making no effort to hang it up. I sneaked a look at her. She looked thoughtful. But not mad or anything. It gave me hope she was considering what I was saying.

"What about Guthrie?" she said.

I sighed. She sounded like Adam. "Guthrie's my friend, but it's not the same as having Olivia."

Another silence.

"Changing schools isn't going to just fix all your problems you know. It's not going to bring Olivia back or change what happened to her."

I picked up a sweatshirt- one of mine this time: pink, and shook it out before pinning it on the line.

"I know…but it would give me a chance to start again."

Finally, Molly moved to hang the shirt she had been holding since we had started talking. She looked thoughtful but she didn't say anything. I kept on hanging up clothes and sneaking looks at her every now and then. I could tell she was really thinking about what I had said. Molly's like Crane that way: they consider things deeply.

"Have you spoken to Crane about this?" she asked me, after she had hung two more T-shirts on the line, "Or Adam and Hannah?"

"No," I admitted. "I thought I should ask you first to see if it's even possible. Cuz it being your house and all. I wouldn't be any trouble, Molly. I'd be on my best behaviour. And I'd stay out of your way and Crane's so you wouldn't even know I was there."

I think I must have sounded kind of desperate- a bit mad even because Molly said soothingly, "You wouldn't have to do that, Heidi."

I felt a surge of hope.

"You'll let me then?"

Molly held up one hand, "Now wait a minute, I didn't say that."

We had finished hanging the clothes up by this time and the basket was empty. Molly was looking right at me now and with no jobs to do, there was no where to hide.

"I'm not going to be the person who decides anything for you, Heidi. That's Adam's and Brian's job. And Hannah's. Have you thought about how hurt they would be if you told them you wanted to move out?"

"It's not about them!" I protested. "And anyway, Brian doesn't have a say right now since he's disappeared and left us all to fend for ourselves."

"They won't see it that way," Molly said. "Adam thinks of you as his baby, Heidi."

I sighed. I was starting to feel bad and see the holes in my plan.

"Did Crane tell you that?" I asked.

"No, but he didn't have to. It's obvious."

I looked at the ground. I knew what Molly was saying. I did. But my overriding feeling at the moment was just desperation and wanting to escape from the endless days of darkness.

"But if Adam and Hannah agreed that it was best for me and Crane agreed too, then would it be okay? Could I do it then?"

Molly picked up the empty basket and started walking towards the house. I fell in line next to her.

"Please, Molly," I said, softly.

She stopped then and transferred the basket to hold it under one arm.

"If," she said firmly, wagging a finger on her free hand, "Only if Adam and Hannah and Crane think it is the best thing for you."

I squealed in excitement and practically knocked Molly over when I launched myself at her for a hug.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

Molly's face was solemn though.

"Don't get your hopes up, Heidi. I think the chances of them letting you do this are slim.

But I wasn't listening. For the first time, I could see a way out of the dark hole I was in.