Chapter 18
The light from the sun shone into the bedroom, piercing through the darkness.
Subaru opened his eyes, rubbing them and yawning.
He was careful not to wake Beatrice when he climbed out of bed.
He looked out the window to see the blue sky and the courtyard.
He saw people down there.
Garfiel was spending time with Mimi who'd come round to visit again.
Frederica and Petra were tending to the flowers
Rem and Spica trimming the hedges near the mansion entrance.
But there was one thing that stood out above all of them
And it wasn't Emilia sitting at the table outside, talking with the lesser spirits, their lights floating around her.
No.
It was the young brown-haired maid who was helping Ram polish the windows.
Subaru smiled to himself and blushed upon seeing Shaula.
Her long brown hair.
Her green eyes, like a pair of emeralds
Her face radiated immense beauty which made his heart race.
Subaru knew this feeling
He was uncertain at first, but now he was sure.
Subaru: "I love her"
Subaru said those words to himself, the recently blossomed feelings brought about a sense of warmth and happiness he hadn't felt for so long.
?: "Did you say something, I suppose?"
Subaru jumped at the voice and turned to see Beatrice was wide awake, looking at him.
Beatrice: "What are you talking about I suppose?"
Subaru blushed even more and waved his hands in dismissal.
Subaru: "No it's nothing Beako! I was just talking to myself about nothing in particular!"
Beatrice narrowed her eyes in suspicion at her contractor.
Beatrice: "Your words don't sound very convincing in fact."
Subaru smiled and then picked the small spirit up and hugged her, rubbing his cheek against hers.
Subaru: "Awh, I'm so glad my Beako is worried about me!"
Beatrice pouted
Beatrice: "You're such a pain in fact."
Subaru put Beatrice down. She turned to see her contractor with a big wide smile on his face.
Beatrice: "You seem extremely happy today. Is there something you'd like to tell Betty I suppose?"
Subaru blushed and looked away from Beatrice.
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell the world that he loved Shaula. How amazing and beautiful she was.
But he'd only just realised he loved her after his date with Rem.
And he hadn't even told Shaula how he felt yet.
He didn't want to open up about how he felt until he'd said what he wanted to say to her.
He didn't even know if she felt the same way about him. But he remembered the kiss she gave him after their first lesson and while it may have been naïve to think in such a way, he had hope.
Hope that she feels the same way about him.
Even if it was rooted in a simple peck on the cheek from two months.
Subaru: "Well, I'm feeling ready for today. Ready to tackle whatever life throws at me!"
With that, Subaru put on his tracksuit and sneakers and went out with a smile on his face.
Subaru remembered his date with Rem and the words she said to him.
"Don't tell me. Tell her."
With those words in his mind, he went to do what he needed to do.
Shaula was in the mansion hallways, currently dusting a vase.
She wore a big smile on her face. The past few months had been difficult, adapting to a new environment and people.
But thanks to the efforts of the Emilia camp, she'd softened up and learned to be happy, living with others.
And she had a certain person to thank for it. If not for him, she's certain she'd be struggling a lot right now.
Shaula's cheeks reddened slightly at the thought of that person.
Meili: "Hi, Naked onee-san!"
Shaula noticed Meili and turned to look at her.
Shaula: "Hey Meili-chan. Do you need something?"
Meili beamed a big smile.
Meili: "No, it's nothing Shaula-san. I just came to see how my favourite nee-san is doi~ng."
She was happy to have Shaula back, even if she didn't remember her. But she felt like there was something off about her.
Before, back in the Watchtower, Meili could use her Divine Protection to calm Shaula down and control her in case she acted up.
But now, she'd lost count of how many times she'd tried to use her divine protection, and it failed every time.
Shaula patted Meili on the head with a big smile.
Shaula: "Well, I'm doing fine thank you. Do you want to hang out after my lesson tonight?"
Meili immediately answered.
Meili: "Of cou~rse! That sounds like fu~n!"
?: "Hey Meili. Hey Shaula. You guys just hanging out?"
The blue-haired assassin and brown-haired maid turned to see the black-haired knight standing there.
Shaula: "Oh, Subaru."
Shaula smiled upon seeing him.
Shaula: "Are we still on for our lesson tonight?"
Subaru's cheeks reddened slightly at Shaula's question. He cleared his throat.
Subaru: "Yeah of course. I'll see you later tonight."
Shaula noticed that his cheeks were slightly red.
Shaula: "Are you okay Subaru? Your face is.."
Subaru's blush increased.
She saw him blushing!
Subaru: "U-uh...nothing! I'm fine! Sorry, I should let you get back to work."
Shaula smiled and waved her hands at him.
Shaula: "No it's fine. I'm sorry."
Subaru laughed nervously
Subaru: "It's ok. I'll see you later."
Shaula smiled.
Shaula: "Sure. I'll see you later Subaru."
Subaru turned and left the two alone.
The evening had rolled around and Shaula was getting ready for her lesson with Subaru.
She had gotten her book and some pieces of parchment ready and had practised for a bit to prepare for the lesson.
Now all she had to do was wait for Subaru to arrive.
Almost immediately, as if on cue, she heard a knock on the door.
Shaula: "Come in."
The door opened and there stood the black-haired knight, carrying a tray of food.
Subaru: "I see you're ready for our lesson. Hope you don't mind I brought some snacks."
Shaula smiled, pulling up a chair as Subaru came in and placed the tray on the table.
Subaru: "So where are you up to then?"
Shaula got her notes out that she'd been working on outside of her lessons.
Shaula: "I got up to about half way through this book on advanced glyphs. I'll admit I am struggling on this."
Subaru: "Really? Half way through an advanced book in only two months? That's really amazing Shaula."
Shaula waved her hand dismissively.
Shaula: "No it's really not. I'm sure anyone would have done it in half the time."
Subaru smiled at Shaula's modesty.
Subaru: "It took me twice as long as you to get past the first chapter of that book."
Shaula: "Seriously?"
Subaru: "Yeah seriously. It was pretty tough learning how to read and write. But that's enough about me for now. So show me where you got up to."
With that, the lesson began.
Shaula turned to the page she had stopped on and they started there.
Subaru was impressed by Shaula's diligence and her commitment to studying outside their lessons. Shaula brushed his compliments off saying it was nothing.
Subaru found some difficult passages and stories containing complex glyphs for Shaula to write.
He recited the words and Shaula wrote what he said, testing both her memory of basic, intermediate and advanced glyphs and how quickly she could think and write them.
Before they knew it, an hour had gone by and the lesson was over.
And Subaru was impressed with her.
Subaru: "You were great Shaula."
Shaula: "No it's nothing really."
Subaru: "No seriously this is amazing. You've done a great job."
Shaula placed her hands on her lap and smiled.
Shaula: "Thanks Subaru."
Subaru's heart started racing. His cheeks reddened slightly and he felt nerves rising.
He felt the words on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say them.
Subaru took a deep breath in and simply asked.
Subaru: "Hey Shaula?"
Shaula looked at Subaru.
Shaula: "Yes? What is it?"
Subaru: "I was planning to go for a walk around the flower garden later tonight. Would you care to join me? It'll be just the two of us if that's alright with you."
Shaula smiled
Shaula: "That sounds great Subaru. I'll see you at the gardens then."
Subaru felt his heart leap out of his chest. He would have raised his fists into the air with excitement if he wasn't composing himself.
He stood up and gave her a thumbs up
Subaru: "Great! I'll see you there!"
With that, Subaru left Shaula's room.
When he was outside and on the way to his room to get ready, he pumped his fists with red cheeks and a big stupid grin on his face.
He knew he was immature and childish to feel this way. But he'd been so strict and restrained with his love when he used to love Emilia, that he'd forgotten what it felt like to be in love with someone and feel joy at the same time.
It felt great.
Whoa, whoa, slow down there tiger. You haven't even told her yet. Don't get too excited. Just take it slow.
Subaru took a couple of deep breaths to calm his nerves and keep his excitement under control.
Subaru had to plan what he was going to do.
He would meet Shaula outside the garden, they'd walk through together, have a nice chat, and once they got to the best spot in the garden, he'd confess to her.
He'd tell that beautiful scorpion how much he loved her and that he wanted to be with her.
But Subaru also remembered what Wilhelm said about protecting his heart and not getting to caught up in the moment. And also to prepare in case she said no.
Subaru started telling himself things to get him excited, but also at the same time grounding himself in reality.
Subaru: "Flower garden, best part, confess, protect your heart."
"Flower garden, best part, confess, protect your heart."
"Flower garden, best part, confess, protect your heart."
?: "What are you talking to yourself about Subaru?"
Subaru almost leapt out of his skin upon hearing the silver bell voice call his name.
He looked up to see Emilia standing in front of him with a confused look on her face.
Subaru: "Oh it's nothing, Emilia. There's no need to worry about anything. So what are you doing here?"
Emilia flinched. He didn't add the "-tan" at the end of her name which bothered her. REALLY bothered her.
But she brushed it off.
Emilia: "It's nothing. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go on a date tonight. How does the flower garden sound? I know we haven't spent a lot of time together because of the Royal Selection, but I'm free now and I'd love to spend time with you."
Emilia hoped her words would make Subaru happy, but he just gave her a blank expression.
If Emilia had done this before, he would have been on top of the world with joy. He remembered how he felt about Emilia and how he enjoyed spending time with her.
But right now, he felt nothing.
All the time Emilia had made Subaru wait had given him a desperately needed perspective. Reinforced by what Beatrice had said back at Crusch's estate.
"If after all this time she still can't give you an honest answer to whether or not she loves you...and keeps making the same excuse of 'not understanding love' every single time, then you're just wasting your life waiting for her, I suppose!"
Beatrice's words were harsh, but she was absolutely right.
Subaru had been wasting his life waiting for Emilia. He initially thought it would only take a month or two for her to answer him, and Rem had confirmed that that was a reasonable time frame. But instead, Emilia had taken almost two years and she still couldn't say whether or not she loved him.
He thought she did, with what she said back in the Watchtower. But there hadn't been anything else since then.
It had just been her, making the same empty promise to understand love and give him an answer, and Subaru, lacking the courage to stand up to her and challenge her for an answer or just accept she would never love him back and move on.
He knew Emilia would never love him back. Deep down, he always knew. But he was too scared to accept it.
But thanks to Rem, he'd gained a sense of clarity.
And maybe if he'd had this clarity and more of a backbone beforehand, he and Emilia might have been together a long time ago.
But if he had, he wouldn't have fallen in love with Shaula.
He wouldn't love the sweetest and most beautiful woman he'd ever met in his life.
He knew it was extremely selfish to think in this way, but he remembered what Wilhelm had said to him.
"If Emilia-sama takes issue with it, well...that's not your concern."
Subaru was now certain.
He loved Shaula. Nothing would change that.
Not even his former love, Emilia.
He was certain she would get upset when she found out.
But he would cross that bridge when the time came to cross it.
Subaru: "Sorry Emilia. I'm not really in the mood for a date."
Emilia's face went from happy to shocked. Subaru had said no to a date with her.
That strange discomfort lodged itself back into her heart as she tried to deal with the troubling emotions.
Emilia: "No don't apologise Subaru. I know we haven't spent a lot of time together. So we can do whatever you want."
Subaru patted her shoulder.
Subaru: "It's fine. Don't make a big deal about it. What I want is to go see Beako. She's been on her own the whole day and I'd love to see her again. After all, spirits are like family, right? I appreciate the offer Emilia, but I'll be fine."
Subaru waved as he walked off to his room, leaving the silver-haired half-elf alone in the hallway.
Emilia was both shocked and hurt. Subaru for the first time, didn't want to go on a date with her. And that uncomfortable feeling just got even stronger than it did before.
Subaru however was thinking about the emerald-eyed brunette on the way to his bedroom.
Subaru was standing once again outside the entrance to the flower garden, where he'd been with Rem a few days ago.
This time he was waiting patiently for the woman he loved. Subaru gave a small smile to himself as his cheeks reddened slightly.
?: "Hey Subaru."
Subaru turned to see Shaula standing there, wearing the same orange and black dress that she wore outside of her uniform.
Subaru blushed when he saw Shaula's clothes. They looked really good on her.
Subaru felt his heart rate increase and his chest heat up.
Normally in the past, he would berate himself and put his mind back on Emilia, but right now, he let those feelings stay.
He knew how he felt about Shaula, and he wouldn't allow anyone to tell him otherwise.
Subaru: "Uh, shall we?"
Subaru held his arm up, directing at the entrance to the flower fields.
Shaula smiled warmly.
Shaula: "Of course."
The orange and black-clad knight and maid made their way into the flower garden.
Subaru's cheeks reddened slightly at the embarrassing line he ran in his head.
Shaula noticed and asked.
Shaula: "Are you okay Subaru?"
Subaru smiled reassuringly.
Subaru: "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm actually feeling great with you here."
Shaula laughed and blushed slightly at the compliment Subaru had given her.
The two then continued walking through the garden of various flora.
Shaula laughed at Subaru's story.
Shaula: "Beatrice sounded really cold back then."
Subaru smiled to himself
Subaru: "Yeah, she was. But she's still super cute and fun to tease. Like a little sister in a way."
Shaula: "I feel the same way about Meili-chan. She acts mean in a playful way which is an endearing quality I like about her."
Subaru smiled warmly at the beautiful woman standing next to him as she smiled back.
The two continued walking until they came to the best part of the garden.
The clearing where all the hills could be seen in the distance. The flowers growing on the fields of those hills. The yellow, magenta and white were meshing together beautifully.
The moonlight was illuminating the garden around the black-haired man and the brown-haired woman.
Shaula: "Wow, the moon is really beautiful isn't it?"
Subaru remembered coming to this place with Rem a few days ago. The moon's light shining down on them.
Subaru: "Not nearly as beautiful as you Shaula."
Shaula blushed at the compliment from Subaru.
Subaru then blushed in embarrassment.
Subaru: "Crap, that sounds so corny when I say it out loud! It sounded a lot better in my head!"
Subaru covered his eyes in embarrassment.
Shaula laughed at Subaru's mannerisms.
Shaula: "It's fine. It was a little corny but I appreciate the compliment."
Subaru uncovered his eyes to look upon Shaula's smiling face.
Subaru felt his face heat up and his heart rate increase. He knew what he wanted to say to her, but his nerves were getting the better of him.
Shaula saw Subaru was acting strangely.
Shaula: "Hey Subaru?"
Subaru was snapped out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder.
Shaula: "You're acting a little strange. Is everything alright?"
Subaru remembered Rem's words.
"Even if we're spending time together as a couple, you'll spend all that time thinking about her."
Rem was right.
Subaru remembered back to all the times he'd spent with Shaula. Taking a deep breath, he turned to the girl standing next to him with reddened cheeks.
Subaru: "Shaula?"
Shaula: "Yes?"
Subaru: "I love you"
Shaula's face reddened slightly upon hearing those words.
Shaula: "Huh?"
Subaru's face reddened more
Subaru: "I love you Shaula. Ever since that day you punched that noble's daughter and stood up for me against Emilia, I never realised how I felt about you."
Subaru clutched his chest with both hands.
Subaru: "I love you so much! I love your eyes, and your hair, and I love the way you smile and make my heart leap. I've loved every single lesson we've had since that day you asked me to teach you. And I've tried to deny it for so long. But I finally accept it."
Subaru looked at her with eyes full of light, his face bright red.
Subaru: "I love you Shaula. I love you so much it hurts!"
Subaru beamed a big smile at the woman he loved.
Subaru: "I want to be with you. I want to make you smile. I want to be there for you when you're hurting. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"
Shaula: "Subaru..."
Subaru closed his eyes tightly. His face were even redder than before.
Subaru: "I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SUPER CRINGY! I JUST COULDN'T COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL SO I JUST SAID WHAT I THOUGHT FELT RIGHT!"
Shaula jumped slightly at Subaru shouting suddenly.
Subaru: "I'm not going to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with. I just...wanted to say what I've wanted to say to you for the past few days and have been struggling to say. So I'm saying now, and I'll say it once more."
"I love you Shaula"
The wind blew, blowing a few leaves across the air as the two stood in silence. Shaula was the one who broke it.
Shaula: "Why? Why do you-?"
Subaru: "I told you."
Subaru smiled at her.
Subaru: "You stood up for me when I needed help. And you gave me self-love. Something I've been lacking for so long. And something I was deprived of when I was with Emilia."
Shaula felt her face heat up.
Subaru: "I've been living in fear and uncertainty for so long. I knew how I felt about you deep down. But I was too afraid to accept it. Because I was weak. And a coward. I've loved you for so long. But I could never face it. Because I was so fixated on a woman who didn't love me back. Until you came along. And shone a light in my life that I never knew I needed until I got it."
Subaru then placed his left hand on her cheek and smiled at her.
Subaru: "I love you Shaula. And nothing will ever change that."
Shaula looked up at Subaru with tear-filled eyes.
Shaula: "Do you really mean what you said?"
Subaru spoke, with no hesitation.
Subaru: "Yes. I love you Shaula. I love you so much."
Subaru took his hand away from her cheek and made some distance between the two.
He felt a sense of fear creeping into his heart. He had just unloaded all his feelings onto the woman he loved and opened his heart wide.
Now his heart was beating a mile a minute as he was sweating bullets.
Oh my god. What the hell was that? You idiot! She's never going to love that! You stupid moron! What the hell were you thinking saying those ridiculous words?
Subaru's mind was going crazy as his insecurities started to creep in.
His mind was brought to a halt when he felt two hands cupping his cheeks. He opened his eyes and was immediately surprised by Shaula pressing her soft lips onto his.
Subaru's face went red, all the way up to the tips of his ears. The surprise he felt before had vanished. He took his hands off his chest and put them on Shaula's cheeks.
They then moved away, breaking the kiss.
Shaula wrapped her arms around his neck as she continued crying.
Shaula: "What took you so long?"
Subaru brought his right hand up to her face and wiped her tears away, while he held her hand with his left.
Shaula: "I've waited for you to say those words for so long!"
Subaru was shocked.
Shaula: "Ever since that day, I wanted to say it but I couldn't. And I've wanted to hear you say those words for over two months."
Subaru was even more shocked. Her too? Ever since she punched Anne? Shaula had loved him since that day?
Shaula then buried her head into the side of his neck. Tears wouldn't stop flowing down her cheeks.
Shaula: "I love you too Subaru"
Subaru smiled, wrapping his arms around Shaula's waist as Shaula lifted her head up and pressed her soft lips on his once more. Subaru and Shaula shared a kiss under the moonlight.
The two new lovers were walking back from the flower field back to the mansion. Shaula had her arms wrapped around his right arm.
Subaru: "So Rem wouldn't accept because she knew that I loved you. So I told her the truth about how I felt, and she accepted it.
Shaula: "That was a really mature of Rem. She's a really good person."
Subaru: "Yeah. Hey listen. I'm sorry about..."
Shaula looked at him with a confused look
Shaula: "What is it?"
Subaru: "About what happened when we first met at Crusch-san's estate. I didn't mean to-"
Shaula silenced him with a kiss.
Subaru understanding the message, dropped the subject.
They broke the kiss to allow some air to breathe.
Shaula: "I love you Subaru."
Shaula wrapped her arms around Subaru's neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
Subaru: "I love you too Shaula-tan."
The two embraced each other, not wanting to let go
Subaru: "Let's keep this to ourselves for now. I'm sure Frederica or Otto told you-"
Shaula: "Yeah I know. They got a lot of pressure when they revealed they were together."
Shaula then placed her hand on his cheek.
Shaula: "We don't need to rush anything. Let's just go at our own pace."
Subaru smiled warmly at her, taking her hand in his
Subaru: "I love you Shaula-tan."
Shaula: "I love you too Subaru."
The two then kissed in front of the mansion gates. They then went back into the mansion, hand-in-hand.