11.16.1995 "PROMETHEUS" 3
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GABRIELLE
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So, Prometheus is captured. That means we don't have fire and healing anymore.
Aw, just when I learned how to treat wounds. And immediately - no more medicine. What a bummer!
Maybe it's alright? No biggie? We just need to avoid getting hurt?
I think that as I walk across the room. And I bump into a table. Ouch that hurts! This nasty table! I kick it!
Hey. We don't have healing anymore. Does that mean I'll keep aching from this bump, for my whole life?
Hey, that's kinda terrible. We should rescue that Prometheus guy, as soon as possible! Who captured him? Let's kick their butt!
I'm sure we can do it. Xena can do anything, easy! With her eyes closed and her arm tied behind her back!
I heard so much about this Prometheus guy. Just talked about him to his relatives, the very other day! And now I'll meet him! And get to help rescuing him, too! I can't wait! I anticipate the incredible story I'm going to tell already!
Just a while ago. I wished that Xena's heroics would grow in scale. That she would stop rescuing mere villages alone, would upgrade, and start rescuing the world sometimes, too. And look, my wishes come true! First those titans! And now Prometheus, another titan. And rescuing the world again, just days since the last time! I just get everything I want when I'm with Xena! I can't wait for more! What's next? Immaculate conception? Let's have immaculate conception, too!
And so we get on our way to rescue him. Xena automatically knows where we're supposed to go. Xena just knows everything! I wish she shared more of her knowledge with me. I want to know her deepest secrets. What is she hiding behind her poker face? She should just tell me more.
She started doing that just recently. Started teaching me things. Started sharing her thoughts with me. Started opening up.
But now. She's going somewhere, and she won't tell a single thing. Back to where we started. Closed down again. Old habits die hard.
Oh well. She's just being silly again. One step forward, two steps back with her, I guess. Silly woman. She just wants to be this self-reliant woman that needs nobody's assistance. But she still needs mine!
It's fine, I have faith. She'll learn. And I'll help her learn! I'll ask her every question in the world! If I just press enough, someday she'll break! And then she'll tell me everything that matters! She'll share her deepest secrets with me! I just have to keep working on it!
And I'll help her! I'll endure and do my best! For her! I'm helping! This is for her, not for me! Everything for her smile!
Right now she's going to some oracle. Because a friend told her to do so. It's not much, but it's something. I wonder who the friend is? More than a month together, and I haven't seen her meet a single friend. Just that Marcus guy, but he was dead.
Just where are all her friends? I thought she'd have many.
And so we reach the temple. So this is where we'll save the world again? I can't wait! I love this place! It's neat! Pretty temple! They should make frescos of it! They should sing songs to its beauty!
And as I'm getting ready to be helpful on her world-saving mission. Just tell me what to do, Xena! I'll do anything! Anything for you! ... She hands me the reins and tells me to leave if she doesn't return. Walks away without looking back.
... Hey. This isn't what I wanted! But what about my help? My assistance?
Aw, she's leaving me behind again. But I wanted to help!
So now she'll get to save the world again? Without me? Unfair! I wanna save the world, too! Stingy, greedy Xena! She won't even let me save the world with her!
Why? Why is she like this? But I *have* helped! The last time, with the titans! We saved the world together! Why can't I help now? Old habits truly die hard with her! She sure doesn't learn! Why does she keep doing this? Why does she keep leaving me behind?!
I'm starting to hate the sight of her behind. It's pretty, but I see too much of it. I just keep seeing it. I wish we would walk side by side when it's important!
I wish we could face each other sometimes, too! I wish to see her face to face! I want that! And yet! Her behind is all I ever see! This is so unfair!
And so she leaves us alone. Just me and her horse. Again.
Again she's acting like she needs no one. I hate it!
Idle again. I hate idling. I become dangerous when I get bored.
And hey. She never told me what it is she's gonna do. Not even that. Why, I wonder? Why can't she just trust me? Silly Xena! She won't even trust her best friend!
I wish to do something. I hate having nothing to do.
Why'd she speak about not coming back. Again she's acting all depressed. Again she's acting hopeless. Silly Xena.
What's wrong with her. She's the most powerful being in the whole world. Yet she's acting like she can't do a thing, sometimes. She shouldn't have doubts! She should just be strong!
Oh Xena, have more faith in yourself. I believe in you, so you should, too.
You're fighting for humanity right now. So the whole humanity is believing in you. That means you should do the same.
Believe in yourself.
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XENA
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And so I enter the temple of the oracles. Is this the last thing I'll ever do?
If so. Then I'm glad. I get to die to save the world. For the world, for my son, for Gabrielle. For everybody.
The oracles are there, present. Dancing like crazed strippers. And the fate of humanity depends on these crazy bitches? This doesn't bode well.
One starts talking to me. And yep. Completely crazy. The fate of humanity does depend on these crazy bitches. We're doomed.
Opens up some skull window. Wants me to climb inside? What the heck?
Oh. Need to pull some chain. So a strength exercise? Fine.
Thing's freaking heavy. And a mile away. I can't do it quickly!
Says I don't have time? So she didn't give me time to think this through?!
Is this a joke? Are they playing games with me? Do I lose if I play along?
The candle will burn the rope, and then I'll get snapped in half.
A spell to save humanity is on a chain, and they have it right here with them?
This is a joke, is it not? Am I a fool for even trying?
The bitches are clearly crazy. Maybe this isn't even really a spell?
Humanity's at stake, and they're playing games about it?
Am I supposed to laugh, walk away from this, then beat the truth out of them?
Why do I even trust anything they say?
I SHOULD just drop this and resort to violence! Always the right answer!
But if I do... and somehow, unlikely... what they say is true?
The chance to save humanity is on this tablet, and I have ruined the chance?
They're oracles, divine beings. Maybe they operate on different logic than normal people?
"Interfere with the flame, and you lose"? What are their rules! Where's the loophole!
What if they say the truth? Then I should do my best and play along! Just for the odd chance they aren't lying! Humanity's at stake!
But it doesn't look like I can do it. Thing's too heavy! The rope is burning! I only have moments left!
Do I believe them? And risk myself to save humanity with this tablet?
Do I disbelieve them? And take another chance another way? And risk humanity with that?
Do I risk myself? Or do I risk humanity?
But the real question is. Are these crazy bitches real or false?
Just a moment remains! Is it myself or humanity? Trust the madness or trust sanity?
I can't risk humanity! But dare I trust the madness?!
Not one moment left! Looks like I can't do it anyway! But what if it's a test? What if every bit of effort will decide whether we succeed or fail? What if I condemn humanity if I don't try hard enough?! I can't risk humanity! So I have to choose madness! I'll keep pulling even if it costs me my life! This is so going to cost me my life! But hey, what if the test is about sanity? What if sanity's required to save the world? Then I fail if I believe them! AARGH there's no right answer! Maybe I should choose just a bit of sanity? Just the tiniest bit? Guess I just keep pulling until I can't! And THEN I try and save myself! But how late? What am I willing to lose?! Do I lose my entire life, or just a limb? What do I choose?! HOW MUCH MADNESS DO I CHOOSE? ! ! !
And then I feel it. The jaws are falling on me. Do I stay in or do I escape? The moment of decision is now.
Do I choose myself or do I choose humanity?
I can't choose myself. I choose humanity. I stay in under the jaws falling onto me. For just an extra moment. Just in case. That every bit of effort counts. I am so not surviving this.
And so I stay. The jaws are falling onto me and I pull the chain an extra moment. It's too late. I'm not surviving this. Even if I pull back right now, I'll lose at least an arm.
But every bit counts. So I stay that extra moment.
And then I pull back. The tablet stays in. Forgive me, humanity! I couldn't save you!
I can't make it. But I do. I didn't think I could move so fast. But I somehow do. I perform another miracle. Thanks, Gabrielle, for always teaching me how. Your lessons sure came in handy now!
With an impossible motion, I get out. Somehow intact. Speed like that should not be possible! I think I pull my back.
The jaws close in and shatter. I'm still alive. But I have failed. I couldn't save humanity. I couldn't pull that tablet.
I chose to save myself instead of others. I wanted to do better. But I have ruined everything again. I have failed the whole humanity.
Forgive me, Gabrielle. Forgive me, my son if you still live. Forgive me, all the children of the world. I have failed everything again.
And then the bitches... clap. While smiling.
...
My vision turns red. So this IS a game. The spell is fake.
So they wanna play games with me. I can do that, too.
I can play the sorta games with them they'll never forget. They'll never walk away from.
If I just roam free. I could do so much good right here and now. So. Much. Good. I lick my lips.
But if I do that. Humanity's destroyed.
... I can't do that. I can't afford to. No matter how much I want to. I must resist.
Think about humanity. Think about children. Think about my son. Think about Gabrielle.
Think about dying a good death.
Calm down. Calm down for them. For all of that.
Remember Lao Ma. Remember her teachings. Remember smacking Gabrielle just a week ago. Remember wishing death on her. I did all this before. Remember to calm down. Remember reason. Remember love. Remember the betrayal in her eyes. Find the strength.
And just like that, I pull another miracle. Do the impossible again. I pull my mental reins. I pacify myself. And I force myself to calm down. For humanity.
They're laughing. Oh, if only this was but a month ago. Even a week ago. These bitches wouldn't be laughing now.
Their heads would be rolling on the floor. Their guts would be hanging from the furniture. Their blood would be dripping from the ceiling. There wouldn't be much left of them.
And if this was a month ago. I wouldn't be saving humanity. I would be condemning it.
But this isn't a month ago. I'm thinking about humanity now. It's shameful but I hold back.
I shamefully hold back and... talk about it. Grr. So much unspent frustrations, I'm gonna burst. I'll take it out on somebody else later.
They're crazy so they don't know what they're risking. They don't know the thin line they're walking. But somehow they save themselves unknowingly, and tell me what I need to hear. Go to some mountain, get some sword. Got it. Thanks bitches! You get to live!
So I can walk away. So I survive this time. So I'm not dying just yet. So I get to live an extra day.
And fight Hera's warriors, too, while at it. So that's who's responsible.
Hera, hm. No calming *that* bitch down. Can I actually defeat the queen of the gods? I doubt it. She'll just pulvelize me.
But maybe I don't have to. If Hercules is close by, then he's on his way here, too. He'd know how to handle her.
And I haven't had a man for two months, too. He could be useful in more ways than one. I could just try and use him in every way available.
Hercules could be useful against Hera. But I push that thought down. No. I can't rely on him. This is a suicide mission. I don't want him near here. No need to worry about my own survival. Maybe I can handle even Hera for just a moment? Just long enough to do the deed?
And then they warn me about the sword. To use it will cost a life. Blah-blah-blah.
The problem is just getting there. And how do I defeat the queen of the gods?
Oh, whatever. Let's just wing it for now! Bye, bitches! You don't know what horrors you have just escaped!
And so I come back to Gabrielle. Bring my horrors to her.
It feels so good to come back to her.
I thought that was our goodbye. But it looks like I get to live an extra day.
One more day with her. I thank the fates. My end will not come unexpectedly. I get to anticipate it. I get to treasure every moment that I have left with her.
She won't know it. I won't let her know. But I'll get to say goodbye.
Our last day together. I'll make sure it isn't wasted. I'll do my best!
I come out and I see her.
Gabrielle. I though I'd never see you again. I'm glad I do.
She waited. Hasn't gone home while I wasn't looking.
I'm so happy to see her. I nearly crumble. But I steady myself. I can't let her know.
After everything we've been through. It's probably true. She isn't ever going home.
The chance of that is nil.
I used to be the same. I couldn't stand living in my village. I wanted more.
Me and her. We are the same. Unable to live in safety. We go out for adventures.
I was born before her. So I'm just one step ahead of her.
I went out. And I ruined everything.
And now it's her turn. She is on her merry way to ruin herself with me. Or probably without me if I'm not there.
Except now I know that I won't live another day. Tomorrow I'll be gone.
So now I know she won't be ruining herself with me. She'll do it all by herself.
I didn't need anyone's help. Likely event, she will also self-destruct, just as effeciently.
I knew we could never stay together for long. I knew we would have separated soon enough. I always knew that.
And now I know for sure.
...
Today is to be our last day together.
...
I thought I'd make this day count. I thought I'd do what I want. I thought this would be my last reprieve.
But I... can't.
I can't. I can't be thinking about myself.
I should be thinking about her.
Gabrielle. A village fool that wants to make something out of herself.
But she's so foolish, so unskilled. She couldn't live a day without help. A day? More like, not a single moment. She couldn't breathe without help.
And I want to help her. I want to give her something good. I want to save her the same way as she has saved me.
"She can't survive a day without help." So I thought. "I'd help her find a good life."
I made that into my goal.
But it looks like I can't do that anymore.
I say that I live for her, that I live just to bring her somewhere nice. But that isn't true. I lie.
Because just now I left her possibly for good. And I never brought her anywhere.
If I were to die just now. Then I have failed on my goal. Then I have failed her.
I wanted to give her a good life. A good future. And now I can't. Now I'm on a time restraint.
... Good. At least I'm not surprised.
I always knew it. We could never stay together for long. Why act surprised now? On par with the course.
So. What do I do. How do I guide her to a good life for herself, in just a day?
That's a bit difficult. I failed my own life. How do I save another's, in just a day?
But maybe it is not so hopeless? Maybe I should try, and have some faith? Maybe there's still a chance? Maybe... just maybe... there's something that she
wants, and I can give her... in just this day?
What is it that she would want?
What would she want from life?
So I ask her. What would you wanna do without me?
Says she wants to be a bard.
...
My heart is aching.
A bard, hm.
So this is what she would become if she never met me.
Athens. So this is what she would choose as her destination if she was alone.
So this is what I'm taking from her when I take her with me.
...
I want her to have that.
I want her to have every single best thing is the world. I want her to live the best of all possible lives. I want to help her in every way I can.
But this... A bard.
... I can't help her get that. This thing... this is what I cannot help her get.
... I can't help her get that which will require more than one day to achieve.
... So this is my punishment. I ruin everything. And then I meet her. And as the result of my evils. I don't even get to help her become a bard.
How much I regret my life right now. If only I lived differently. Then we could have so much together.
If only we met sooner. If only it was not too late. Then.
We could have lived the best of all possible lives together! ! !
But now we can't. Now it's too late. Now I can't do anything to change the past.
It is too late for us.
It hurts so much.
She catches on. She's become perceptive. Says nothing will happen to me.
No, you silly thing. Don't wish that a monster lives.
But I can't tell her. Not a single thing.
So she wants to be a bard. It will take time to get there.
And I don't have time.
I have failed at my life. And I have failed at this, too.
How much I regret. How much I wish.
That I lived my life differently.
If only so I could help her become a bard right now.
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GABRIELLE
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I sit there and wait. This wonderful place in which Xena will save humanity. The beautiful, blessed temple. I love it! I should write a poem to its beauty. I try and think of rhymes but nothing comes up. Oh well I'll just do it later.
This is kind of boring. Again I'm doing nothing.
Lucky Xena. She gets to save the world! And what do I do? I just sit and wait! This is so unfair.
... Why'd she have to say she may not be coming back? That's foreboding, and I don't like it.
And she never told me anything. Why didn't she tell me?
Me, going anywhere without her. The though is unnatural. Like that's ever going to happen! Never!
I will not be thinking depressing thoughts. Let's stay cheerful! Positive thinking!
I will keep believing.
Let my belief be her strength. Let my supportive thoughts carry her through her ordeals!
She can do it! I just know it! She can do it all! We should just keep believing!
Faith! Hope! Belief! Future! Xena! Hooray!
I sit there and I wait. Stare at the pretty temple. Stare so much at it. I think that it's now imprinted in my rtetinas. This lasts a while. I get bored.
...
She isn't coming.
...
She said "by sunset".
The sunset's approaching.
... She isn't coming back.
And as I sit there and wait. I realize.
I hate waiting.
I love the idea of "the future".
But I hate waiting.
The past didn't have every single thing that I desire. But the future will have it all! We just have to wait, just have to work for it. Have to endure, have to be strong, have to stay hopeful. And then the future will reward us.
"Just have to wait".
But I... hate waiting.
I have being idle. I hate being useless.
"If I don't come back by sunset, leave this place."
Right now I'm... waiting. Waiting for the future.
The future in which... she may not be coming back.
...
No! No thinking that! Forbidden thought! She can do it! Faith! Hope! Belief! Future! Xena! Positive thinking!
But as I sit there and wait. I wonder.
What do I do... if she doesn't come back?
That can never happen.
... But what if.
I like to think she's invincible. But right now... she's handicapped. I rub my aching thigh. It's still hurting all the same.
Humanity has lost its healing. If she gets a wound... it's all over.
I hate to think it. The thought is unnatural. But.
There is a chance. That she is never coming back.
We have done this before. She left to find some river. Said she'd be back soon. And then she got an arrow in the gut. Even back then, when we just met... there was the chance that we would never meet again.
Back then she left without looking back. And the sight of her behind may have been the last I saw of her.
Every moment of our life is a miracle. We can't waste any of it. We should do it all when we have the chance, when we have the opportunity.
Our very life is a miracle. That we live, that we all have met at all is a miracle by itself. We should treasure it. Treasure every moment.
And now. Again. She left without looking back. There is a chance that her disappearing back... is the last I'll ever see of her.
There is a chance that our miracle is over.
What if. She won't come back.
...
She won't come back.
And then...
And then...
What do I do?
...
What am I without Xena?
When I lived in my village. I was just a girl. Meant to be a farmer, meant to be a housewife. Meant to join a joyless marriage because I have to. Meant to live a joyless life. Because I have to. Because all my choices were already made for me.
Meant to be... just like my mother.
Meant to be someone... who isn't happy. Because another option does not exist. Choices don't exist. The freedom to choose your life does not exist.
A life without choice is what I had. A life without glory.
And then I saw her. And with her, I discovered freedom. And a whole universe of options has opened to me. I can have the world if I'm with Xena, I can be anything if I have Xena.
Because Xena is so strong. She's so skilled. She can be anything at all, if she just wishes for it.
And if that's how it is for her. Then the same can be for anyone. Even for the lowest of the low, even for the weakest of the weak. ... Even for me.
And so I wished to become like her. I wished to attain the perfect life that she can have.
At first I thought. "The perfect life that she already has."
But now I know her better. She isn't happy with her life, not much.
That's so wrong. That's so heartbreaking.
How can anyone as perfect as herself, ever be unhappy with her life?
If anyone can have the perfect life, it's Xena. She is the strongest, most capable, most skilled human being.
If Xena can't have it all. Then how can anyone less than her, ever hope for anything at all?
Xena is the ultimate human being. And that means, that she, with her very being, represents the whole humanity. And that means, being happy should be her goal! Her goal is to teach humanity the pathway to real happiness. And yet she's failing on her goal.
She is the strongest, most capable being in the world. And yet, she is unhappy.
Before I met her, I was just a girl. And right now... I would describe myself as many things. But truth is. I'm not sure myself of what I really am. What am I?
Me who isn't really sure about anything. And her, the ultimate human being who is still unhappy.
How can I ever help her?
When I followed her. I wanted things from her. But I also want to help her, too.
Now I like to say that I live just to make her happy. Anything for her smile. This life may be hard, but I'll endure it. I'm helping her. This is not for me, this is all for her.
So. How do I help her? What can I do?
I try and think. But nothing comes.
This riddle is too much. I can't solve it. I don't have the answer.
Right now. She left me. She wouldn't let me come. Because she's poweful, she's self-reliant. She can do anything alone.
I guess it's true. She doesn't need anyone's help.
She doesn't need me.
But I want to help her. How? I just don't know.
And now. I watch her leave without looking back. And now I may never see her again.
And she never even told me what she's doing.
I... stayed behind. The reason. It's because... because I can't help her in any way.
She never told me a thing... because she knows I can't do anything.
She is the best human being in the world. And I'm the ultimate failure.
Because I can't help her in any way.
The sunset's approaching.
I thought we can have it all. If we just work, if we just wait. I thought we have all the time in the world.
But now... it may be so that our time has run out.
For all I know. This could have been our last day together. And I didn't realize. And I wasted all of it.
And I couldn't help in any way.
If that's what happens... then our miracle will be wasted.
I thought we have all thetime in the world. But our miracle has slipped through our fingers. And now it's gone.
If that's what happens... then I, the human failure, had met the ultimate human being. And then I let her leave, without learning a single thing. Without helping her in any way.
Having failed her in every way. Having helped her, none at all. None whatsoever. None.
And now everything may be over. Over just like that. Gone.
The sunset's approaching.
I like to believe that the future will have everything that we will ever want. But now, this instant...
I'm terrified of the future.
I shudder. The thought is unnatural. I don't want to have it.
But I can't avoid it. I can't afford to look the other way.
I fear the future.
What if the sunset comes... but she doesn't come back?
She is life itself to me. She is the ultimate future.
But what if. Our future ends today? What then?
What do I do without her?
What am I without Xena?
Before I had her, I was just a girl. Reality, is I was nothing much.
Right now, I have Xena. And I'm not sure what that even makes me.
But what if... I lose Xena. What do I become then?
Do I... become nothing again?
...
If so. Then what that means. Is that I used to be nothing. But then I met the ultimate human. I lived with her for more than a month. And in the end... I have remained nothing, anyway.
I've achieved nothing. I grew none at all.
... I hate this so much. Why did it have to happen this way? If only we had more time.
What can I do. How can I change? What do I need to do so that I'm not nothing anymore?
If we had time, then I'm sure, we could do so much together.
We could help each other grow. We could help each other become happy.
Xena with a happy smile. ...I used to have so many dreams. But right now. This is the most important dream of all.
I want Xena to be happy.
I wonder since when. When did it become so.
When did Xena become the most important part of my life?
I used to be aimless before I met her. But now... I live just to make her happy.
I live just for that. And yet. I can't do a single thing.
And now... she leaves me behind because I can't do a single thing.
And so right now. I sit there and wait. Useless. She isn't coming back. The sunset's approaching.
I sit there and I fear the future.
Because if she doesn't come back... then I become nothing.
Then I have never made her happy.
Then we have wasted our miracle.
...
That's so frightening. That's more than scary. There are no words that can describe this fear.
I can't imagine the world without Xena.
And actually, right now... there may not the a world after Xena.
The gods have captured Prometheus, and took his gifts from us.
If we cannot heal... then every sickness will kill anybody.
Humanity... will die.
Right now. She's out there fighting for humanity. While I just sit and wait.
I watch her leave without looking back. And now she may never come back, again.
I may never see her again. This is frightening.
I go with her because I want to help her. "She shouldn't be alone" is what I think. "This is not for me, this is for her."
And so I gratify myself with this. "At least with me, she's not alone."
But now... she went alone. I stayed.
I stayed because I can't help her in any way.
And so. Right now. She is alone. She's fighting for humanity, alone.
She fighting for the whole humanity, by herself. She's all alone.
She is with me, but she's alone.
I sob. This is heartwretching.
She is with me, but she's alone. Because I'm nothing. I don't count for a single thing. I'm an empty space.
I hate myself so much right now.
I thought if she doesn't come back then I become nothing. But reality is... I'm nothing anyway. Even if she's there, even if she's with me. I'm still nothing. I don't count for a single thing.
Nothing is all I'll ever be.
Why does she let me be with her? Why would she ever want me?
What am I to Xena?
I... can't find an answer. No matter how I look.
And now... if she doesn't come back... I never will!
Xena, please, come back!
Right now. She's fighting for humanity. All alone. She is with me but she's alone.
She represents the whole humanity, yet she herself, she has no one! Nobody is on her side! This is so unfair!
The whole humanity depends on her, but she depends on no one. She's alone. She has no one.
If Xena doesn't live. If she doesn't come back. Then humanity will die.
Then she'll die for nothing.
Then she'll die alone.
Then she will have been with me, and yet she'll die alone.
And I will have not done a single thing.
Then I will not have amounted to a single thing.
I think... I know what I'm gonna do at sunset if she doesn't come back.
I have decided upon my future.
I know the way how to become more than nothing.
... I will go into that temple by myself.
And I will join Xena in death. She won't be alone. I'll join her.
I will not be shameful. I will not put our miracle to waste.
I will join her.
And I will not be nothing.
I will continue doing what Xena's doing.
If she dies for humanity. Then so will I.
Except I can't do anything. Our time was too short. She barely started teaching me anything. I still don't know a single thing.
"To die" is the only thing that I can do. Nothing else. That's all.
This is painful. More than a month with Xena. And I'm still nothing. And I still can't do a single thing.
No. I may be nothing. But I won't be.
I'll still go into that temple. And I'll die a pointless death, achieving nothing.
I will die for humanity. I won't be nothing.
I'll be humanity's pride.
It's small. But it's not nothing.
I think I like it.
In fact, I'll go right now.
Go to that ugly, wretched temple of doom! I hate it so much! I spit in it direction! It's disgusting! I wish to level it to the ground! I throw a rock at it!
I hate it! But I'll go in it!
For Xena! For humanity! And for myself! Go! ! !
And so I stand up and get ready. Wipe my tears. And then I remember Argo.
... Hey. If Xena doesn't come back. If I don't come back. Then what happens to Argo?
What does Xena do to Argo when she doesn't expect to come back? I never paid attention.
Just let her roam and hope for the best? Is that what Xena's thinking?
That's kinda mean. Irresponsible. She should at least leave her in good hands!
And as I think that. I realize. Hey, that's me, isn't it?
Xena left Argo to me... hoping that I take care of her.
I tear up. Come and hug and kiss her. Smear my tears, saliva and boogers all over her. Oh Argo. What if Xena doesn't come back? What do we do then?
I thought that I'd die proudly in her name. Because I'm alone. But I'm not alone. I have you!
Argo resists my kisses. She doesn't like me after all. But I don't care. I keep kissing.
If Xena doesn't come back. Then it's my duty to take care of Argo. It's my duty to make her happy.
Except right now, humanity is gonna die. And me with it. I can't do that.
If we can't heal. Then Argo is probably also going to die.
... We're just all doomed, aren't we? This is kind of horrible.
Then I guess. The best I can do. Is just let her roam free, and hope for the best. She is very smart for a horse. I sometimes think she's smarter than me. She probably can take care of herself.
She'll find some kindly farmer that'll take her. They probably won't be as good as Xena. But it's something.
Argo will survive.
But me. If Xena doesn't. Then I won't.
I dry my tears again, and look at the horrid temple. The sunset's approaching. Xena isn't back.
So now it's time for me... to follow her.
I followed her from my home. And now I'll follow her from this world. I will follow her in death!
Just you wait for me, Xena! I will follow you in the afterlife! Thought you could escape from me, did you? You won't escape from me that easily!
I decide. And as I'm taking that first step. She emerges. Alive!
I nearly crumble from relief. But then I straighten myself. I can't let her know I worried! I have to be her strength.
Because she's strong. But she's just human. And she's fighting for the whole humanity, alone.
She's all alone. I don't want her to be alone. And yet, she's alone even when she's with me.
No more of that. I will be strong for her. I will make it. Make it so she's not alone. Make it so we are together!
I wonder how she did. Did she save humanity already?
Just when I'm about to ask. SHE's asking ME, instead.
She's asking me. What would I do without her.
...So she's doing it again. Again she's acting hopeless. What do I do? Guess I'll be strong. I'll be her strength.
So I don't choke up. I give a quick response. The first thing that comes to my mind.
I'd become a bard.
Why do I say that. There used to be a bard that was my inspiration. Him and Xena, my two role models.
Except he... he's in the past. I've never seen him again.
I don't want. I don't want for Xena to become my past. Anything but that.
And then she asks me more. She's talking education.
She's started trying to teach me things lately. I was happy. But now... she doing this as if the end is near. And I answer... No! I'm so stupid! I made a mistake! Stupid! I should have never answered! Idiot! Simpleton! Drop the subject! We won't be talking about this!
I won't think about a future without Xena in it! Anything but that!
I'm so stupid. I've decided to be her strength. But instead. I let her talk about depressing things with me. No more!
I gather up my mental strength and start talking about anything else. I WILL cheer her up. She won't be thinking sad thoughts no more!
And so we go. I talk every cheerful nonsense I can think of.
But on the inside I'm torn. Why did Xena talk about education? Please don't let it be that she's planning sad things again! It will be fine! You'll see! Have faith!
Oh I can't think sad things no more. I don't have the strength. I wish anything happens to distract us.
And just as I wish that. A traveling merchant! Just what I needed! Oooh shiny!
I happily go in. So many pretty things!
The longer we travel the world. The more I realize my village was right in the middle of nowhere. We didn't even get traveling merchants every YEAR! Xena did well finding me there!
So now, after a lifetime of boredom, every opportunity of fun is my treasure!
Look how many pretty things! I take a closer look.
... Oh. They're all cheap and fake. This is ridiculous. People BUY these things?
Was I impressed? Not even *I* am a village fool enough for this!
And the merchant agrees. He calls me smart! That's lovely. Now I think we should at least buy something!
And then Xena's all irritated, grabbing this nice merchant by the collar and being rude. Nooo Xena, don't do that! Now I won't get a good discount!
She tells me to stay. Again. Repeat of the same old thing from before. I want to argue. I want to fight back. But I don't have the words. I'm helpless, I'm useless. I can't do anything. I can't help in any way. I'm nothing.
Xena is doubting. But I have faith. She can do anything.
She doesn't need me. I can only get in the way. She's emburdened enough. She carries the whole humanity on her. I shouldn't add. The only way I can help is by staying away. The only way I can be helpful. Is by removing myself.
I hate this so much. This is awful, this is heartwretching. I wish to be helpful. But there's nothing I can do.
She's thinking about a future without her in it. I won't allow that!
But right now. I'm powerless to stop it. I'm powerless is every way.
And so she leaves. Alone to save the world, again.
She's so lucky. I wish I could save the world again, too. She should share.
And so she leaves. I stay. Oh well. At least I know where she's going. If she doesn't come back. Then I'll just follow her.
There isn't much that I can do. But this one thing. My only talent. I'm real good at following her around. She can't escape from me. I'll chase.
I'll follow her in death if that's what I have to do.
""""""""""
XENA
""""""""""
And so we go towards our doom. Luckily, it's near enough.
Hey, isn't this day kind of long? Feels like we've traveled across half the world already, and no nightfall? How odd.
Gabrielle keeps chatting happy. But I can see she's worried.
She's become perceptive lately. She's growing. Just a bit before, and she wouldn't notice a single thing. She'd just be blind and deaf to anything around her. She has grown.
... Forgive me, Gabrielle. I couldn't shield you from this worry.
But this is our last day together. Another day. Tomorrow. And I won't be there. You will be alone.
So I can't help it. She will be saddened by the outcome either way. That's the only way all this could have ever ended.
Gabrielle in tears, is the only final outcome that was ever possible.
That's the fate I condemned you to when I allowed you near me. Every outcome ends with you saddened in the end.
Forgive me Gabrielle. I shouldn't have let you near me. We should have never met.
I always knew that she'd end up sad. I always knew that this can't last.
How much I wish she would just stay home.
How much I wish she would just stay innocent the way she was before she met me.
So now she's got a clue. And she is worried.
How much I wish she wasn't. How much I wish she'd stay that happy, clueless girl she was before.
How much I wish our separation could be happy and not sad.
But it's too late. That chance is in the past. There's no returning it.
And so we go to our doom. She's worried but she does her best to cheer me up.
She doesn't know. That this is our last day together. That I'll die within hours. I'll be gone and she'll remain alone.
Thank you, Gabrielle. You are the most caring soul in the world. I'm happy to have met you. I wish I was as good as you. I wish that I deserved you.
I should just dump you. Dump you anywhere on the road. Tell a lie to you then leave forever. This way you won't be saddened. This way I will protect you from your future tears.
But... this is our last day together. I can't waste it. I wish to treasure every moment.
I can't dump her. Because I love her just too much.
Maybe it won't be so bad if I just tarnish her this much? Endanger her for just a bit? Just for a few more hours? A few more hours, and it'll be over!
I can't dump her. This is our last day together. I won't waste it, I'll get anything I can from this. Have to make it count. It'll be fine! Just a bit can't hurt!
And so I bring her with me. I bring her toward misery, toward danger.
So I'll betray her. And she still loves me. I'm betraying her yet she still loves me. I'm the worst.
We go on. Enter some merchant's tent. And he dares to be less than cooperative. Good. I wanted someone to take my frustrations on. I couldn't teach those oracle bitches a lesson in good manners, but I can teach this guy! Let's take it out on him.
He's wise enough to play along. He narrowly escapes horrors.
And so I go to retrieve the magical sword, and leave Gabrielle with this merchant as his punishment. Hope she'll do nasty things to him! Mess him up, Gabrielle! Make him suffer!
Bye, Gabrielle. We will probably never meet again.
I always knew that this can't last.
Hope she'll go home when I'm not looking. But I can't hope for that anymore.
And I'm just going to retrieve some sword. I'll probably be back. I'll be back, and then we'll make our last day count. We won't waste a moment! Just you wait! I hurry up. Hey this day is long.
And so I enter the divine cavern. Some guy attacks me, but I quickly fix him. Easy stuff!
Then his twenty friends come, but I'm not in the mood. Not tonight, I have a headache.
This is my last day with Gabrielle, so I wanna treasure it. I wanna squeeze as much together time as possible. We should try and do something meaningful. Don't wanna lose a single second. I have no time for games, you losers! Hurry up!
So I run. Apparently there are traps everywhere. Was this the cave of Hephaestus? So he's a pervert, too.
I avoid every trap and then I retrieve the needed sword. Apparently it's sheathed in stone, but that's okay, I'm strong enough. Hey niiice blade! I could decapitate so many people with that! If only this was a month ago! I'd have so much fun with it!
Time to hurry back to Gabrielle. She is my heart, she is my soul, she is my home. And we only have fours left before I die. Gotta make it count!
I go back to my horse. And suddenly.
I see HIM.
Hercules. I thought I'd never see him again.
My saviour. My benefactor. My love. The last man I've been with.
I haven't had a man in two months. My juices flow.
So he's here, too. For the same reason as I am. And he opposes me.
He would die for me.
He also wants to strike the doomed blow. I can't let him! But he's a "good person" so he'll insist.
He is my love. And so I do what I always do to those I love.
I bare by sword and I attack! Raaargh!
I can't let him die instead of me. And I want an exercise, too. And afterwards, maybe we could have a quickie, too?
He picks a random stick. And so we fight. Just like old times. Last time he won. But I wasn't in the right mind back then. And I've been improving since. No way he can defeat me now!
He's good, but Ares is better. I'm fortunate that I get to compare. Wish I could have them both at once. The juices spray.
This is so much fun. I wasn't in the mood before. But now I got into it! I wanna play!
And then he reminds me. A scratch could kill me. But probably not him. Humanity's dying and stuff. What if Gabrielle's in trouble? Aw. Spoilsport.
It takes some effort. But I force myself to remember. There was humanity at stake, wasn't there? And my last day with Gabrielle. I got distracted.
Aw bummer. Just when I found some fun. But gotta go save humanity instead.
The fool didn't mess with my horse, so I swiftly ride away.
Gotta make haste so he doesn't follow. Can't let anyone die instead of me. The honor should be mine.
I can't afford to get distracted. So I ride away.
Dissatisfied. No quickie. I never get any these days.
""""""""""
GABRIELLE
""""""""""
And so I stay at the merchant's, waiting uselessly, like I always do. While Xena's out there having fun and saving the world.
A desire raises to mess with the merchant, but it quickly passes. I'm not in the mood. Not tonight, I have a headache.
Xena. She's being hopeless again, and I'm unable to cheer her up. Unable to help in any way. What do I do to help her save humanity this time? What do I do to cheer her up?
And as I ponder. A kindly grandpa enters the tent. Old and wrinkly. Not my type. I like them younger. If only he was a few decades younger, then I may have jumped him.
Asks for his friend. Nothing unusual.
Apparently, the friend is Hercules.
Hm? Hercules? Who's that? I think I heard of him.
...
Hey. That's Xena's ex!
Hey. Then this guy's friend is my friend's ex! What a small world! It's like we're relatives! Maybe we should hook up?
Hercules is here? Just when I wanted to meet him! He's been with Xena! I have questions for him!
Hooray! What a lucky encounter! Just when I was feeling down! Just the right thing to cheer me up!
And as I rush to introduce myself. I hesitate.
Hey. What do I say. "I'm a friend of Xena"? But then... he asks me what do I do. ... What then? How do I answer?
The cheer passes. The gloom returns.
What am I? What am I to Xena? ... I have no answer. How do I introduce myself?
He has big muscles and he carries himself as a warrior. I see no weapon. But I'm sure. As a friend of Hercules, I'm sure he gets to be something. He gets to be proud of himself.
And me... I'm nothing.
I wonder if he ever feels that way, too?
I ask, and he... doesn't even understand the question. The thought is foreign to him. My reality, to him, is alien. He doesn't understand.
Says he doesn't stand around. He helps.
So he doesn't feel that way. ... Only I do. And he... he helps.
I'm so jealous. Hercules is so much more generous than Xena. Xena won't even let me cut our meals. She's stingy to the bone!
"Fighting side by side". That sounds so great. I think I used to want that, too. But then other stuff happened. And I forgot.
I wanna ask him. How do I become like him? He should teach me!
I take a better look at him. He isn't actually as old as I first thought. He's actually kind of handsome. Maybe I could still fall in love with him? Where is the closest temple in which we can get married?
And just as we're about to bond as sidekick to sidekick. Xena comes back. Alive! Did she save the world already?
Hey, Xena, look who I found! A friend of your ex! And we're so much alike! Maybe me and him should hook up, too? How about that?
And Xena immediately guesses everything. She's very smart.
"Iolaus". Never heard of him.
But then she bares her sword against him. Aw she's all irritable again. But I thought she's had her monthlies already?
She wants us to escape from Iolaus for some reason. She must be shy or something. Oh well. If Hercules is also here to save the world, then we'll meet again. I'm anticipation!
And so we escape. Hide in some barn.
Hey look. Xena's deep in thoughts. Seems distracted. That seems exploitable. ... I'll use this! Tell me everything, Xena! Tell me what's going on! Tell me your deepest secrets!
In her distracted state, she explains she needs this magic sword to free Prometheus. Oh, so she hasn't saved the world yet? Good, that means I'll get to watch. Or maybe even help!
Oh, so this is the blessed blade that'll save humanity! It's pretty! Let me touch it! She smacks my hand away.
Despite some minor resistances, she's quite agreeable right now. Let's use this! Tell me everything that matters, Xena! Tell me about your ex!
I happily ask her a miryad questions. Finally an excuse to force the truth out of her! Finally the time to ask the most important question of all! Tell me about your love story, Xena!
She can't hide this anymore! Not when the opportunity came knocking! Now she'll talk! She'll have to! I'll force her to!
And she reluctantly does. Says she's... been with both Hercules and Iolaus.
...
The thoughts rush. Feverishly. My ears burn up.
Both?
Both... are her exes?
She's been... with both?!
They both... had been with her?
Lucky them.
Lucky her.
She isn't a virgin at all! She truly does live her life for love!
Isn't that incredible! She gets around! I'm so jealous! When do I get my love story started? I can't wait! I want some love, too!
... I wonder if she's ever been together with them both, at the same time?
What a lucky day. Over a month without seeing any of her friends, except in a coffin. And then suddenly! TWO of her exes are around!
Aw, why did she have to escape from them? We should team-up, instead! Save the world and everything! But more importantly! I wanna ask them questions! How do they rate Xena? Is either of them looking for a date? I wanna ask them tips!
And I wonder. Why did Xena and Hercules split? And now they meet again. Will they get back together now?
Hey. Now that I think of it. ... If they get back together. ... Where does that put me?
I wanna ask her about that, but we get interrupted.
Some ugly guys with horns prevent our girl talk at its most crucial moment. Oh well, I'll ask again when I get the chance. There's always tomorrow! They should be around, anyway. I'll just ask them.
Xena tells me to stay back and hogs all the fun again. I really wanna help. But what can I do?
I love watching her fight anyway. Gives me all sorts of intense sensatons.
And as I watch. I remember. Iolaus' words.
"We fight together side by side."
I... used to want that, too. But then so many things happened. And I forgot to want that.
Xena is so stingy. She never lets me do anything that matters. Just save the world that one time with the titans, but that was DAYS ago! I want more!
And now again. All I do is stand and watch. This is so heart-breaking.
But I used to enjoy to see her fight. But now... this time... for some reason... this isn't FUN anymore.
Why? Why am I not enjoying this anymore? What am I missing?
I wonder. I look around and I see... a rake.
Hmm, a rake.
Hey I remember. When those people in the village with Ares wanted Xena dead, they were armed with shovels, pitchforks and... rakes.
When a peasant wants a weapon, they grab a rake, that's fine. A rake is a peasant's weapon. And I'm... a peasant. I may be out of home, I may call myself a lot of things. But I don't really grow. I'm still a peasant.
Xena will not let me have a weapon. Not even a tiny dagger, she took away even that. Wears it now between her breasts. Hogger. Not even a cooking knife. She won't even let me cut our food.
But this. This is a rake. A peasant weapon. I'm a peasant. I should be allowed! It's alright! And so I grab it.
She's looking the other way so she can't see.
But right now. I have a weapon.
And it feels so good.
I feel like. I've finally gotten one step closer to my goal.
To the real life I should be having.
The life in which I do what Xena does. The life in which we're equals!
It feels so good to have something in my hands. I love big sticks!
And so she fights. I wanna join her just so much. I NEED to do what Xena does. I NEED to reach her level. I NEED to become her equal. I need this, just so much.
But I stand back. I stand where she can't see me.
... Because I know she'll take my rake away if she sees me have it. She'll take my happiness away from me. She'll take my growth. She'll make me small.
And so I'll hold it secretly. I'll have this secret glory, this secret pleasure.
I feel so small.
The guys she fights will not stay down. Oh how much I wish I could help! I wish I could smack them! I need this just so much!
And just when she hesitates for a moment. Looking like she's being overwhelmed. Maybe I should just help? Suddenly. Two new guys join the fun.
Iolaus and one big, tall guy. So that's Hercules. Also Xena's ex. She's lucky.
Hey look. Xena is surrounded by her exes. She's so lucky. She just gets everything. ... I wish I had that, too. I wish I was included!
And then they fight. They fight with glory.
Xena, Hercules, Iolaus. Three gorgeous people. Three heroes, fighting for humanity, fighting for the world. They're so beautiful.
The three heroic them. And down there in the corner. The little unimportant me. Standing away from danger. ... Like a coward.
This isn't fair. Why don't I get to help, too? I could do it! I could learn!
I look at Iolaus. Cheerful and short blond. Just like me. And he's helping his hero. He's being an equal. He's being his own person. He does what he chooses to.
Did I say he was old? I was wrong. I think I'm falling in love with him. Is he unmarried?
I want to do what he does. I want to do what them three are doing. I don't want it to be them three and me. I want it to be the four of us.
This is so unfair. The height of unfairness. I can't bear it, I can't stand it.
I want to be among them just so bad.
I look at Hercules. He looks so much like Xena! He comes unarmed. But then he grabs...
...
...
A RAKE.
...
And smacks people with it.
... I'm turning green with jealousy.
Why do they have it all. But I have nothing.
And then they get to defeat the thugs. Them three heroes. And me. A pointless spectator. A little coward hiding behind a cover.
I feel ashamed to emerge. Three heroes. And ME. What do I say? It's shameful.
And then some guy attacks Xena. But Hercules protects her. And the attacker turns to ashes.
Wow, that's wild. I don't get it.
But Iolaus helpfully explains. He's so nice. Xena never explains a thing.
Whoever frees Prometheus... will die.
...
Xena... wants to free Prometheus.
So if Xena is to save humanity this time... she will die for it.
...
Xena... will die. And she is going for it.
... AND SHE KNOWS?
Humanity... is doomed. But Xena will save it. But in order to do that...
SHE KNEW?
She will have to die.
No.
Suddenly it all makes sense.
"If I don't come back by sunset, leave this place."
She knew. That's why she's hopeless. That's why she talks about education. That's why she talks about life without her in it.
She knew. And she... SHE DIDN'T TELL ME.
She is preparing to die. Without telling me. Why doesn't she tell me?
WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME? ! ! !
No. There's gotta be another way!
Xena and Hercules both reach for the cursed sword. Then fight for it.
They fight... for death.
No! Don't fight for it, Xena! Let somebody else do it!
I stop myself. I'm awful. I can't... wish for the death of another person!
But... there's no way out! How do we solve this!
They fight for it. I try and stop them. Don't fight, you fools! Find a solution instead!
They still argue. It's still unclear... which of them... is to die.
Hercules ends up with the sword. Good. I'm relieved.
No. I can't think about that! It's too painful! Let's think about anything else! I'm good at getting distracted!
But still. Why didn't she tell me?
Also, this is Xena. Maybe I can't see the solution. But she can! Xena can do anything! I shouldn't worry! I should believe!
He mentions Hera. Is she responsible? That bitch!
I come closer to Hercules. Let me take a look at him!
Why didn't she tell me.
Who is the man that got to have Xena? What is Xena looking for in a man?
Also, who is the man that competes with Xena for the right to die?
I look closer at him. It's true. He does look just like Xena. The resemblance is uncanny! Their features match, their faces are alike. They look like siblings. They're like two versions of the same person. He's like a male version of her. They're so much alike, this is ridiculous!
Except he's very old.
But so similar. If only he wore a black leather dress, and yelled out in a girly voice when he fights, then nobody could tell the difference. And I even have a black wig for him, too. It'll look good on him. I say we should try it.
They're so much alike. It's like, her and him... are connected to each other.
They are so obviously... each other's half!
! ! !
No! I hate this!
Because if he is someone good... then how can I wish that it was him instead of her!
I can't wish that! We should find another way!
That's it! We'll just find another way, and it's going to be fine!
Why.
I may be nothing, but there are three heroes in the room! I'm sure they can find a way out! What am I being worried about! Worrywart!
So this is Hercules. He's very tall. Just like Xena.
I take a closer look. I feel like I've seen him somewhere before. He has a handsome face. Good teeth. I feel like I've already kissed those lips before. He has nice lips. I admire. Now I wanna kiss them again.
He's famous. He's actually related to the gods! He probably knows them all in person. Even Zeus! I haven't seen a god yet, so I'm a little jealous. He should tell me about his family.
That reminds me. I used to like hearing stories. I would gather information about famous people. I used to have interests other than Xena.
But then I met Xena and forgot.
Time to remember my roots.
Hi Hercules. Let me interview you! First tell me about your family. Then tell me about Xena! How was she like?
Wow he's so tall. Just like Xena. It's annoying. I think I hate tall people. I wish I was tall, too.
Aw he won't let me. Passes me onto Iolaus instead.
A common trait? Both Xena and Hercules are stingy people? Just how much alike are they? Is there an end?
And then Iolaus tells me to take a walk, too.
... Aw. Nobody wants to talk to me.
Guess no one likes to associate with a coward.
Only Xena alone wants that. Weirdo.
I wonder if Xena's ever ashamed of me.
Why does Xena keep me. If she won't let me help?
What am I to Xena.
And why didn't she tell me she was preparing to die.
She was preparing herself to die without telling me.
Why.