11.16.1995 "PROMETHEUS" 5

""""""""""

GABRIELLE

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And just like that. Xena leaves.

I let her go. I stayed on my own. This is it. Done deal. No takebacks now. I let her go.

I let her go. And now I feel. Like this is the worst thing that I've ever done in life. It's awful. I wanna puke.

Oh well. Nothing left to do. Nothing left to do.

But aw. I wanted to meet Prometheus.

I look at the empty room. The room without her in it.

... This is awful. This is terrifying. I think I'll cry. I think I'll fall apart.

... No. Let's be cheerful. Positive thinking! Nothing bad's going to happen! She'll just come back an hour later, that's all! She'll just save the world again, no big deal! That's all!

Let's have cheerful thoughts! Let's get distracted by something or another!

Hey look, I'm all alone with a guy right now. What do I do?

I know. Let's talk about Xena!

And just as I decide that. He starts talking about Xena, on his own.

Is he a mind-reader? He knows what I'm thinking?

Suddenly, I feel this connection between us. We are exactly alike, aren't we? Two halves of one whole. Just like Xena and Hercules. What a coincidence! This must be destiny!

And then he praises Xena.

...

He really is a great guy. I think I'm falling in love. I think we should get married.

I already said I have before. But I wasn't serious. I think I'm falling for real, now.

It's so easy to fall in love, for me. I've spent my whole life being denied things. But now that I have obtained Xena, I have obtained freedom. I can do anything, be anything, now.

And I want love so much.

I want to experience everything that life has to offer. Love is one of many, many things I want.

Love is such a good thing. Our world is so big and beautiful. But it's also full of danger and bad people. So if there's anything that makes the world better, that makes life worth living. It's love.

I want to experience love so much.

Please, Iolaus. Will you teach me love? You seem experienced. Xena won't teach me. But I'm sure you will.

And then he praises me, too. So it's mutual! It's official! We are a couple! We're getting married! As soon as this is over!

Now if only his wound got better. Then we would be "jumping each other's bones" right now. Whatever that means. I can't wait. I lick my lips.

Hurry up, Xena, and save the world. I think I'm about to get married.

""""""""""

XENA

""""""""""

And so I leave her. Goodbye, Gabrielle. I'm on my way to die so you could live. I will die for you. We will never meet again.

I wish you happy. I wish you had forgotten me, and lived a happy life without me.

But it's not true. I'm selfish, so I can't wish that. I'm a cowards, I'm a weakling. My true wish's different.

Please, Gabrielle. Please remember me for just a moment.

Please don't forget me right away.

And so we go toward our destination. We're close. Hera's made her move already, and we survive. Gabrielle's tucked away in safety. We are steps away from our goal. I can probably survive this long against Hera.

This means I don't need Hercules anymore. Time for him to go.

First a goodbye with Gabrielle and Iolaus. Now a goodbye with Hercules.

Shame I never got to see my son. Don't even know his name. Don't even know if he still lives. Don't even know if I haven't killed him myself, somehow. Oh well.

Hey Hercules. Not that I mean anything by it, but thanks. You've saved my soul. You made it possible for me to meet Gabrielle. I owe you one.

And he reciprocates. He speaks about love. Fool. He should just love somebody better than me.

She and him, they're both fools. Hopeless fools.

But it's fine. Because he says he trusts me. I can use that.

And so we kiss. My final kiss with the one who holds the better half of my soul. Time to break that trust.

Mugging attempt two, failure. Oh well, then I'll just have to take it by force. He still trusts me, after all. Trust is meant to be broken.

And so, we are steps away from the goal. The timing's perfect. Do show your back to me, Hercules. Make it easy.

Hey Hercules. Bring Gabrielle to Athens for me, will you.

And then I smash his head with all my might. Anyone else would lose half his head, but he's half-god, so he can take it. I gotta be through!

Sorry, Hercules, this hurts me more than it hurts you! I'm only hitting you because I love you! Hurting those I love is what I do! Gabrielle is probably next!

And so he lies there, unconscious. Should I beat him more, just to be more through? Several hits? What if he wakes up too soon? ... Nah, it'll be fine, I have confidence - I can self-destruct fast enough, he won't have the time to stop me.

He's lying there, unconscious. He's so pretty, I wish I could have my way with him. In fact, I probably should. He is lying there defenseless, after all. When will I get such an opportunity again? I should do it. I unbuckle. ... But guess I can't risk it - what if he wakes up, and then I don't get to die to save the world. I regretfully hold back and decide against it. Buckle back. Sigh. I never get any these days.

He's lying there, unconscious. Completely defenseless. And I wanted to kill him, once before.

And now I'm going to die so he could live. How time changes people. Just two months.

I wanted him dead before. But now I see he is my soul. Now I know he is someone I should love. He's someone anyone should love. The world needs him.

I will do my one good deed. I will let the world keep him. I will gift him to the world.

So I bend down and kiss him goodbye, one last time. Sorry Hercules. I wish we met differently. And thanks. It's thanks to you that I can do this. You let me live, and thanks to you, I get to die right now. Thanks for that.

I owe so much to you. Goodbye. We will never meet again.

And so, I say my last goodbye and get back up. Time to save the world. Time to fight the gods and win!

I climb up. Get out. Still midday. Twilight nowhere near. This day DID last a week.

I look around. There he is. The being in question. Prometheus. In just his silly underwear, lying there and getting a nice suntan. How'd he get captured anyway? Was he just lying there and waiting to get chained? Is that how it happened? So easy? And for that alone, humanity dies? I hate the gods so much.

I cut the rope. I won't need it anymore. The wall's too steep, no one can climb it without a rope!

I love cutting ropes.

I'm making noises, so he looks at me. Hi stupid! I've come to set you free.

Aw but how do I tell him that? Usually when I sneak into a guy's bedroom, I do it to kill 'em. What if he thinks I'm here for that? What if he screams? I gotta hide from Hera! How do I tell him otherwise? I've only ever lived my life as a monster. How do I trick someone into believing me? What would a "good person" do?

What would Gabrielle do? I consider and I come to a decision.

I look at the giant stupid guy... and I smile. Like an idiot.

He considers. And then he smiles back. Like an idiot.

We spend a moment smiling at each other like idiots. ... Gods, this is the most awkward moment of my life. So awkward I could die. I will die of awkward. I won't get to die to save the world. I'll die right now, instead.

Is this the most awkward day of my life? The most awkward moment? I shouldn't try doing what Gabrielle does ever again, I'm not good at it.

Hi stupid. Met your relatives just the other day. Wanted to kill 'em all, put them to stone instead. They were misbehaving! Wanted to destroy the world and stuff. People trying to destroy the world two weeks in a row, imagine that!

I get closer, there's some eggs around, and then the mooks emerge. Hi stupids! I take a closer look.

Oh gods they're ugly. Green guys in silly armors, making high-pitched screeching noises like some kinda baby lizards. The cheapest mooks I've ever seen.

Do they belong to Hera? The freaking queen of the gods? But they are cheap! Woman's got no taste. I'm ashamed for her. She's cheap and tasteless.

And as I play with the boys, Hercules emerges. Only a minute after me.

But that was a steep wall! Nobody could climb that up! I underestimated him!

I knew I should have hit him several times when he was down. I wasn't through enough.

Hey Hercules. I thought I'd never see you again.

And go away, Hercules! I just wanna die to save the world, that's all! Don't get in my way! I'll fight you!

Hey, I get an idea. He could be useful again. What if I let HIM play with the boys? These guys are cheap. What if. What if I just move away?

I do that, and it happens. They just attack the closest moving target and forget all else.

Quite stupid for the mook of the supposed queen of the gods. Is she alright? She's cheap. As cheap as it gets. So cheap it's ridiculous. Was I ever afraid of that cheap bitch? Now I've lost all respect. Maybe I could just take her on, myself?

And just as I make my way to Prometheus, I take one last look back. Give him my sword. My legacy! Carrye it with pride! Goodbye Hercules, my love. Make sure Gabrielle gets to Athens! I'm trusting her with you!

And then some scaly bird captures me. I shouldn't have been distracted! It's not my fault! I got distracted by love!

Oooh that's high! Good thing I've brought some convenient rope just in case!

I always have a convenient rope right next to me whenever I need one. One of my traits!

I wanna cut more ropes.

But it's so high. How do I make it put me back down?

... I guess I can't. This is it. The end.

What was I thinking. Me, a mortal, fighting the gods. One little bird, and I'm done!

Guess Hercules will have to find my body, pick up the sword, and do the deed himself. Wanted to avoid that, but oh well!

And the bird brings me a mile away, too. How will Hercules ever find my remains? Maybe I screwed up a little?

And as I despair. Then the most incredible thing happens. The bird brings me to a rocky mountain, and smashes me against it. The strike is mighty, I should be broken by it. But the incredible thing isn't that.

Outta the corner of my eye, I see. The whole mountain range shook from me being hit against it. A small earthquake is happening.

So mighty was the blow of me against the mountain, the whole world got shook by it.

And then. I check my body and I notice.

Hey. Nothing's broken. Not even a bruise.

I've always noticed I'm sturdier than most people, but now this is ridiculous.

I get arrows in the guts, recover later that same day. I get hit against the mountains and shrug it off like a mosquito bite. Maybe I could even survive falling from the skies? Maybe I'll just land like a meteor, make a crater, then get up, dust off, and walk away?

And I'm alone sturdy like this. Lyceus and Toris are just normal.

Oh mother. My sweet, crazy mother. Just which god of Olympus you cheated on father with? So many candidates.

But I'm getting distracted. Let's come back to reality. Time to casually destroy the laws of physics, jump up and mount the bird, instead.

Thought you could just carry me away, you stupid bird? Now I'll be your rider! Know your place!

And I was despairing? I knew I could do it! Easy-peasy!

Now I just have to grab it by the neck and tell it where to go. It'll listen - I have strong fingers. I establish dominance. It listens. I win.

Ooh it's high. This is kinda fun. Hey, this is just like Norway! Sure brings back memories! How's Odin doing? Still sore about that ring thing?

Bird's scared of my fingers so it does what I want it to, now. Back to my death site. Hey that's right above Hercules.

Suddenly a crazy idea. Hey, what if I just drop the sword down onto the chain? Then nobody will have to die!

But it's hard to aim from this height, and the bird isn't as obedient as I want it to be. If only I had another minute on it to master it!

But maybe I do have another minute? And then I remember. Hera's watching. She could strike me down any moment! I don't have a minute! I can't risk it! I can risk myself, but I can't risk the world!

Oh well. I've decided to die for the world anyway. Time to live up to that. Time to die!

But if I'm without the sword, how will I defend against the bird? I probably can't just punch it silly! And Gabrielle's breast dagger is too small!

I shouldn't have given up my other sword! That was silly!

Oh well, guess it's death either way. May as well make it quicker rather than slower.

Can't leave the bird alive, I guess. Gotta think of Hercules. Goodbye bird! I stab it.

Hey Hercules! Catch!

Understand what I mean to do, Hercules! I know you can do it! You're my soulmate, after all! I know you'll see it!

And then the bird uses my momentary distraction and drops me down. I forgot to apply my magic fingers! Oh well, who needs living anyway.

And as I'm falling, I see. He got what I meant! I eas right to believe in him! We are soulmates after all! Uses a rock to deflect the sword and break the chain! Good! Now nobody died! Well, nobody except me!

But I've just survived a mightly blow against a mountain. Maybe I can survive a fall from the sky, too? Time to test that!

Oh who am I kidding. Nobody can survive this!

But this is kinda fun. Wheeeeeee! ! !

And as I fall I scream goodbye. Herculeeeeees! (I wish I could have one last quickie with you!)

But instead of the ground. I hit him. He catches me like his bride! Into his strong, capable arms! My previous feelings for him resubmerge! I feel like a blushing schoolgirl when I'm with him! He's so strong! I *know* what else he can do with those muscles! My juices spurt! Are there any bushes nearby?

Oh well, guess we don't have time for that. Hera'll strike me down any moment now!

I look at Prometheus. He gets up. Humanity is saved! Now just don't get captured again. Won't be fun if we take to much trouble to rescue him, and he just gets captured again tomorrow.

I wait for death. Why doesn't Hera strike me? I wait but nothing happens.

Maybe because Hercules is hugging me? She's not allowed to touch him? Hey, this guy is useful in more ways than one! Where are the bushes?

I wait for death but nothing happens. Is Hera absent?

... Hey.

... Does this mean... I get to walk away from this?

... Hey. What is this relief that I'm feeling? It's not real! It can't be! It isn't based on reality!

I've still scorned the wrath of the queen of the gods. Even if she won't do it now. I walk away, and she just does it later. I don't get to survive this!

And then, slowly, a realization forms.

Hey. Even if she wants revenge against me. She's just one more.

Enough people and beings all over the world want revenge against me. I've dealt with bounty hunters just this morning. Earlier in this never-ending day. Adding Hera... changes nothing. The queen of the gods is just plus one.

Hey. Does that mean nothing's changed from this morning?

Do I... get to live?

And then I get it. That's why I feel relieved!

I get to live! Now I don't have to die!

Now I'll live. And fulfill my life's goal. I'll bring Gabrielle to Athens!

Gabrielle! I get to spend some more time with you!

My heart is pounding silly. I get to live!

I get to live. What now?

Hey that reminds me. Gabrielle's still in the mountain. Right now, she's either ravaging Iolaus or is worried sick. One or the other. She thinks I died!

I grab Hercules and drag him back into the mountain. Hurry up you loser, we're getting our tag-alongs back! And I need you in case we have to separate them by force!

Now hurry up! What if she gets pregnant?! Maybe it's not too late!

""""""""""

GABRIELLE

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And so we sit and wait. Like we always do. We are such losers.

Iolaus is getting worse. All because of such a tiny wound. Maybe I won't marry him because of this. But I've just recently learned medicine, I could have bandaged it so well!

But now they've taken our medicine from us. Those nasty gods! Why are we even worshipping them? I say we should rebel.

Iolaus looks like he's dying, actually. Hey, this is foreboding. But what about our wedding?

Why did the gods even do it? Who was it? Hera? What's her problem? Why does she want humanity destroyed?

What about her own worshippers? She's killing them all, too? Why would anyone ever worship her after this? We should just boycott her, guys!

Or actually. Why are the gods like this at all? They're almighty! They can do it all!

And yet the world is full of terrible things. Why don't they just fix it?

They're allmighty, that means they should be our hope. And yet, they do nothing.

If we can't hope for our gods. Who do we hope for?

A silly question. Xena's out there, saving the world right now. We hope for her! It's Xena we should be worshipping, not Zeus! Let's reorganize!

And Hercules is helping, too.

So it's alright. I'm not worried. I know Xena will save the world, easy as that. She can do it all! I'm not worried.

She will just save the world, and figure out the way to do it without sacrifice! That's all! Easy-peasy! Who's worried? Not me!

And then fires go out. Oh.

Suddenly blind.

We are in the dark. This looks like we're really in a tomb right now.

Why'd that happen? I can't figure it out. I think the answer is so close, somewhere on the edge of my mind. But I can't grab it.

I strain my wits. And I remember.

Hey. Prometheus didn't only give us healing. He also gave us fire?

Ooooh. Did Prometheus just die? Xena lost? Are we doomed for real?

Utter darkness. It's awful quiet. I hate quiet.

It's so dark. And I'm just sitting there, useless. Being useless is all I can do.

Oh how much I wish I went with them!

But even if I did.

...

How could I help?

...

There's nothing. Nothing at all that I can do. I'm just useless in every way.

I wanted to see heroics. But when it came to it. I backed away and stayed behind. I said it was for Iolaus. But the real reason. I because I'm useless. I can't help in any way.

Just today. She was preparing herself to die. But she wouldn't tell me. She was preparing herself to die without telling me. Why?

Because she doesn't trust me. Because she doesn't need me. All I can do, is weight her down.

She is with me yet she's still alone. I have noticed that and decided that I will never let her be alone again.

But just now. I did it again. I left her alone.

I said I'd never leave her alone, yet I still did.

She probably hoped for me, yet I still betrayed her.

Yet I still let her down.

... She's better off without me.

And so we just sit here and wait. But the real heroes. They're on their way to save the world right now.

They have it good. I wish I was among them.

I think that. And then I remember.

In order to save the world. Someone has to die.

Death is coming. Towards who?

Right now. Hercules and Xena are on their way there. On their way to death.

One of them... will die.

...

Which one... would I choose?

...

NO! This is terrible! This shouldn't be happening!

The world should not be such a cruel place in which people have to die! All of this is wrong!

...

But it's the truth. The world is a terrible place.

And now... one of them will die for it.

Hercules and Xena. The two greatest heroes that has ever lived.

The two most prized beings that humanity has ever had.

And now... humanity will lose one.

But since... they are heroes... since both... love each other... both want to be the one.

So now they fight for it.

Right now... they fight for who gets to die.

... It's so bitter. This is horrible. Good people shouldn't die. Those who do good shouldn't die. Those who love shouldn't be dying for one another. That's awful!

They have their whole lives ahead of them! They will do so much good! They will save to many lives! They will love so much!

Xena wants to die because she wants Hercules to live. Because she loves him.

And Hercules is fighting for it because he also wants to die so that Xena could live. Because he loves her.

It's true. They match each other in every way. The perfect match. They are each other's half. Nobody should get between them.

They are humanity's two most most prized beings. Humanity is robbed when it loses any one. Neither should die.

If anyone has to die... it should be someone unimportant.

If someone has to die... it should be me.

I'm the least valuable member of this group. There is no worth to me at all.

The least valuable member of the group. Or maybe of the whole humanity.

The world will lose nothing if it loses me.

I look at Iolaus. He's hurt so he didn't go. But he would have gone if he could. And he would have helped. He would be useful.

He is admirable. I take pride that he is my future husband.

I'm unhurt. I can walk. I could have gone. Yet I stayed.

I stayed... because I can't help in any way. To stay behind is all that I can do.

I stayed because... I'd like to be helpful... but deep down I know...

...I know that they would be better off without me.

"I am helping. This is not for me, this is for her" is what I like to say. And yet I knoqw. I know that I'm not helpful in any way.

All I do is drag her down.

They're good people, they are kind, so they let me follow out of kindness.

But in reality... they want me gone.

They should want me gone.

I sob.

I'm a burden, I'm a dead weight. Anyone should want me gone!

I want to join, I want to help. But in reality, they'd want me gone.

If they were honest, they'd have told me to just leave.

They want me gone! If I'd insisted on going. Those two wouldn't have let me. They are heroes. They are strong. I... can't force them into doing what they don't want.

I can't do anything.

I really am nothing.

I'm surrounded by the three greatest beings in the world.

And next to them... I'm nothing.

I can't do anything. All I can do. Is chatter. That's all I'm good for.

Hi, I'm Gabriellle, and I'm a blabbermouth. That's the only thing I'm good for.

I look at Iolaus. The spot where he should be. It's dark. He's the company of the second-greatest hero in the world. I'm sure, just like Xena, Hercules is very talented in many ways.

I look at Iolaus and wonder. How does he endure it? How does he bear being just a loser, right next to greatness?

Does he feel his inferiority sometimes, too?

Poor Iolaus. I couldn't go because nobody would let me. But he. He could have gone. He wants to go. But he can't.

He can't go... because he's wounded. He gets wounded when he fights.

He's imperfect.

...Hey, maybe I'm not so bad after all. Look, me and Iolaus, we're the same. Both are losers next to winners. Makes me feel better about myself. I feel a little closer to him.

He's probably thinking all the same thoughts that I'm thinking. He also wants to go. He also doesn't want anyone to die. He probably also wishes that it was him.

He's probably also thinking he's a powerless nobody. He's probably also miserable right now.

Him and me, two miserable losers stuck together. I'm not sure whether I want to marry him anymore.

Utter darkness. It's awful quiet. It's like I've gone both blind and deaf at the same time.

I hate this. I can't stand this misery.

I hate it when it's quiet. I feel that I must speak at any time.

Because if I get quiet. Then what good am I at all?

And now it's quiet. And now we are in misery.

I may be nothing. I may be unable to do anything to save the world or help in any way.

But at least I can do this. I can make this misery better.

I can cheer people up. Maybe this is why Xena lets me with her? I'm her entertainment?

So now I'll do the only thing I'm good at. I'll be a blabbermouth.

And I'll do what I can to cheer Iolaus up. So that at least one of us won't be miserable.

I can't do much. But at least he won't be alone.

This is the limit of what I can do, as a human being. My height is very low. Five feet four inches. This is the best that I can do. Just be a funny baggage. A silly plus one that nobody really wants. That's all.

And that's what I do. I cheer him up. I tell him stories. I break the awful silence. We may be blind, but at least we won't be deaf.

I tell him stories. That one story about two people sharing the same soul. I think about that story often now that the four of us got together. I'm sure it must be destiny. I'm sure the four of us were meant to be together. I think the four of us should still get married, sometime.

He's a good listener. Listens to my every word, believes my every lie.

He has to be. Because right now... he's dying. And I'm the only one that he has left.

Will I have to watch someone I love die, right now? This is terrible. This is miserable. Because I can't do anything.

The two of us really are losers. We couldn't do a single thing.

All we can do. Is sit and wait. Until the important people do all the work for us.

Until one of them will die for us.

I sob. I hate all this so much!

I should have gone with them after all! Maybe I can still chase?

I look around and I realize. I can't chase them. It's pitch dark.

I'm a chaser. And I can't even chase! I really can't do anything!

Pitch dark. This place really is our tomb! We all are going to die in here!

I thought that our future is never-ending. But it looks like ours has just ended!

No more light. No more life. No more hope. No more future. No more nothing.

I shake Iolaus. I want to talk! But he is not responding. I think he's stopped breathing.

But if we are to stay and die in here. Then there's no more future!

I thought we all can do anything. But we couldn't do a single thing!

My life is over, and I'm just sixteen! I haven't done a single thing of value, yet!

I had such plans. But it's all for nothing!

I sob and whimper and ugly-cry.

I haven't even tasted love! I wish that I, at least, have tasted love!

I look at Iolaus. In the direction he should be at.

You are the only one who's left to me. I feel connected to you. I think we should get married.

You are the last man on Earth in my worldview now. And me, too. I'm the last woman on Earth to you.

Our lives may end right now. There'll be no future! But we still have now!

You may be dead. But if you still live. Then please. I beg you.

Please let us spend our last moments alive, in love.

Please, Iolaus. You're so experienced.

Please teach me love.

Xena will not teach me. But at least you will.

Let us get married. Let us get married now!

I cry and push myself on him, and kiss him everywhere. I have my way with him.

So this is love. Not what I expected. But this is the best I'll ever get.

I cry. I wanted so much more!

This is kind of awful.

Hey Iolaus. Do you at least, enjoy this? Is this better for you than it is for me? It's not very good so far.

He doesn't answer. I guess it means yes. So I continue.

This is so sad. My final moments.

And they are without Xena!

The fire is gone. That means she's dead.

So if I die here. That means I follow her.

Look Xena. I've followed you outta my home village. And now I'll follow you in the afterlife.

I am a little late, like usual. I should have been faster. I wish it was at the same time.

But this is good. Because I get to follow. We'll be together yet.

I really am a chaser. If only I was faster.

If only we got to live a little more. If only we had more time.

I haven't even told her how much I love her yet.

And now I never will.

I thought that I'll have everything. But now, regrets is all I have.

And as I sit there in darkness and despair. Suddenly.

Fire comes back.

Hope comes back. Light comes back. Life comes back. Future comes back.

The world is saved. Guess this means we'll live?

Xena did it! I knew it! Xena really is life itself! Xena is our hope!

Fire came back. Prometheus is free. His chain is broken.

...

Which one of them.

Which one of them... is dead?

I look at Iolaus. He wakes up. I spit onto my sleeve and guiltily clean my lipstick and boogers off his face. Sorry, Iolaus, guess you were out.

He looks at me, confused. He immediately gets better. Thanks Prometheus, your gift is useful.

Now if only I could get to our saddle bag and get some bandages out, that'd be great. I know how to do bandages!

Iolaus is getting better. He tries to cheer us up. But I know what he's thinking. Because I'm thinking the same thing.

... Which one of them.

I look at him and wonder. Is he hoping that it's Xena?

I'm wishing that it was Hercules. But Iolaus... he must be wishing that it's Xena.

I'm only realizing this now. But has he... has he been thinking this this whole time? That "it should be Xena"?

While I was being silly and thinking about marriying him... has he been wishing death for my true love?!

I look at him with hatred. Is he wishing for Xena's death right now? He's disgusting! This betrayer!

And why? I heard Xena's wronged him somehow before? Is this why? He's so petty, he wishes she dies for it?

And I thought about marrying him? I'm disgusted with myself! I wipe my lips! Ew!

Is he hoping for her death right now?

I'm hoping that it's Hercules. And he's hoping that it's Xena. Both of us are small, useless, pathetic, horrible people.

...

No. I can't bear it. It's too sour!

We shouldn't be like this! We should hope!

They are heroes! They are smart! Smarter than you and me! It's us who's useless! But they can do it! They can find a way without sacrifice!

They are strong! So we should be strong, too! Strong for us! And strong for them!

So we won't be waiting sour. We'll be waiting with dignity and hope!

Cheer up, Iolaus! Don't think such awful thoughts! Have hope!

And as I think that. They come back. Both of them! Alive!

Hi guys! We weren't really worried! Honest!

I have the urge to run and hug her. But Iolaus is lying on my knees.

Hey he's my burden. I can't get up because I'm carrying him.

Is this how Xena feels about me?

Right now she's saved the world, and Hercules's been helping, too.

But I. I've done NOTHING. I'm pathetic. I'm ashamed.

I wonder if she wants me gone?

We are on our way out. I can't help but keep glancing at her. I wanna touch her but I don't dare. I want another hug.

I'm ashamed.

She is the most glorious hero in the world. Now, with this. We get to say that she saves the world every week.

And me.

Just what in the world am I?

I don't wanna think about it. The thoughts are depressing. But I can't push them out.

Next to her... I'm nothing.

She is the most glorious woman in the world. And next to her.

Is me. The most shameful being in the world.

Me and her. We are polar opposites. We don't match. We don't belong together.

Why is she even keeping me around? Just for cooking? But I'm not a very good cook, either.

What am I to Xena.

Just what am I? Why can't I find the answer?

We walk out of the mountain into sunlight. Alive. The cave did not kill us. We survived. I think I love caves anyway. I think I still wanna marry a cave.

Sunlight. The world is as it was. So beautiful, my eyes hurt.

I thought I'd never see it again.

Thank you, Xena. Thank you for saving the world!

And Hercules too, thanks.

She is so beautiful in sunlight. The most glorious sight in the universe. She's saved the world just now! I'm so proud of her. They hould sing her songs, songs sung in her glory.

She is the ultimate being. She can do anything! And next to her is me. Who can do nothing.

They sit Iolaus down and he moans. He hurt? Oh that reminds me. I can't do anything, but I can do bandages!

One thing I'm good for! Xena's already out there retrieving Argo. Soon I'll be bandaging like a crazy person! Finally, distraction! I anticipate!

I look at them, the two men who's had Xena. One hero and one burden.

I wonder how does Iolaus live with himself? He's so old, he's been doing it long, he should teach me.

Xena comes back with my bandages. I get a little crazy treating him. Medicine came back! I'm so proud of myself and my newly-recovered medicine skills! I get a little crazy.

How could the gods take this from me? Them cruel, merciless gods! I hate them! Screw them!

And as I bandage Iolaus. Xena and Hercules wander away.

Finally. They have their moment together.

With no obstacles in the way.

What are they talking about right now? Are they talking marriage? Are they getting back together?

I wonder why they split before.

If they get back together... where does that put me?

... And I going to be abandoned right now?

Is this hour right now... our last hour together?

We have just saved the world. And right away... we have to part?

How do I stop her? How do I tell her she should take me with her, not leave me somewhere? Do I cry and beg? Do I become ugly?

Do I become someone she should be ashamed of?

...

This is too bitter. I don't wanna think about it. I don't wanna think about a future I don't like. I do not want to fear the future.

I can't live without anticipating a good future. I can't function. My brain shuts down. I lose my sanity.

I won't be thinking about this. I can't bear it.

Dignity and hope. Let's just have that. Let's just endure a little moment. Endure right now. And deal with the future as it comes.

No bitter thoughts. Positive thinking. Hope, strength, future. Just endure right now.

No bitter thoughts. Let's get distracted and bandage Iolaus some more. He gets freaked out a little. He looks afraid of me and my bandages. I don't care. Just be my distraction guy for now, will you? You've gotta be good for something. Let's talk!

Teach me how you live with yourself, Iolaus. How do you handle being worthless?

And I thought I wanted to marry him. I was so silly.

Right now all I can think of is Xena.

Hey Iolaus. Let's not get married. You should just find someone your own age.

I thought I could, but I don't think I can.

I want Xena more than I want you.

Have I actually told him we're getting married? I can't remember. I am a bit of a scatterbrain.

Think I told him something about us four being soulmates? I want to take it back. Has he been listening? Or was he out?

He says he didn't hear. Good. Time to separate. Bye, Iolaus! Been nice knowing you!

And then he kisses me.

... Hey it's nice. I like kissing. Bad thoughts go away. Maybe we should get married after all?

And as we're kissing. I'm thinking. So it was these lips that kissed Xena. And now I've tasted them, too.

Now me and Xena share a guy. Isn't that nice! I love sharing things with Xena, I wish we could share more and more.

I wonder which one I like better. That me and Xena share a guy? Or that me and Iolaus share Xena? That's kinda lewd.

A flashback occurs. I feel like I've already kissed Hercules before.

If so, then in some weird, unconventional way we share him, too. Just lovely! Me and her, we share two guys! We should share more!

It's a shame that love has to be between just two. Wouldn't it be great if it could be done by four.