The Witch and The Sponge

Bill decided to pop in to check up on SpongeBob. He came to Bikini Bottom and was amazed to see the town celebrating Christmas!

Bill was so joyful that he couldn't help but sing, "What a happy little holiday!

I see the decorations in red, green and white!

I see them hung on a tall coral tree!

What a marvelous sight!

What a happy little holiday!

I see so much eggnog and hot cocoa

flowing out like fountains!

What a happy little holiday!

I see fish folk busily bustling!

I see them wrap boxes with such colorful paper!

What a happy little holiday!

I see them bake goods with sugar, cinnamon, and ginger!

They smell tasty, too!

I see so many colorful ribbons and scarves. Maybe I'll try some on!"

He snapped his fingers, and in an instant, his appearance changed. On his top hat was a purple ribbon, and his bowtie was replaced with a long blue and red scarf wrapped around his body.

Bill kept singing, "What a happy little holiday!

I hear so many bells singing a joyful tune!

From the big booming bells above to the little tinkle bells below!

What a happy little holiday!

I see so many warm smiles even as the bitter cold looms.

I see the holly hanging on every door, and I wonder how they got that!

What a happy little holiday!

It's so shiny, with silver and gold decorations reflecting those blinking lights!

It's a strain!"

Bill's song was interrupted by a fish as Santa offered Bill a piece of holiday candy. "Oh, a peppermint cane! For me?"

The fish dressed as Santa nodded, and Bill took the candy, "Thanks!"

The fish dressed as Santa chirped, "Merry Christmas!"

Bill sang his reply, "Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I hear a thousand voices calling out!

Almost a billion ways through time!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

So many are saying it!

It isn't as significant if everyone else says it!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas

To heck with it, I'll say it too!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Bikini Bottom!"

Bill's song ended almost perfectly timed to when he finally spotted Spongebob. Bill rushed to greet his friend, but not before getting his feet on the ground. He was a bit more used to gravity pulling on him.

"Merry Christmas," Bill said excitedly, "I didn't know there was Christmas underwater!"

"Merry Christmas Bill," Spongebob said, "And well, that's because it's a new tradition. Sandy taught me everything, and I just spread the word with my friends!"

Bill said, "Incredible!"

Spongebob asked, "Did you change outfits just for the occasion?"

"Yeah," Bill admitted, "I feel so stylish!"

Bill then stuck the peppermint stick into his eye and took a bite out of it.

Bill said, "Yum, Minty!"

Spongebob laughed nervously, "Glad you like it."

Spongebob asked, "Why don't you have a mouth, Bill?"

Bill countered, "Why don't you have corks in your pores?"

"I don't need them right now, silly," Spongebob answered, "I feel just fine."

Bill asked, "You put corks in your pores when you were last sick?"

"I mean," Spongebob said, "I only really needed to do it once, so it's fine."

Bill said, "Oh."

Spongebob said, "I'm hosting a Christmas party at my house tomorrow. You should come!"

"Oh, for sure," Bill said, and then he asked, "Should I bring anything?"

Spongebob said reassuringly, "You don't need to. But I won't stop you if you do."

Bill stuck the candy cane in his eye to finish it off.

"Thanks, bud," Bill said, "Guess I'll see you tomorrow!"

Bill then popped out of SpongeBob's view.

"See you soon, Bill," Spongebob chirped. Spongebob's grin wavered a bit, his joy at seeing Bill so happy quickly replaced by a sense of worry. Spongebob went home after running some essential Holiday errands.

He put his groceries away and took out the small vile of his pure love. He took it to his desk with a mug of incredibly bitter hot chocolate. He sat down on his chair and took a sip from the liquid. It wasn't enjoyable. He then took out the vile of his love; it was barely even half empty. Spongebob sighed as he put in barely even half a drop into his mug. He then took another sip, and it was so tasty Spongebob had to resist absorbing it into himself.

He turned to the paper he had.

"Dear Santa," Spongebob wrote a letter, "Merry Christmas! I hope this letter finds you well! There's someone on my mind as I write to you. I have a new friend, Bill Cipher. He's odd in many beautiful ways. But I worry about him. He isn't acting like himself around me. I think my love has something to do with it. It's so sweet; I might have taken something away from him. I don't want him to forget himself. I want him to be himself around me. I don't care if he turns out to be evil; I want him not to feel the need to hide anymore, no more holding back, and no more secrets. I worry I might have turned him into someone he isn't. If there's anything you can do to undo it, I'll be forever in your debt if you can. Yours truly, Spongebob."

He then rolled up his letter and put it in a bottle. He took it to the machine he made and sent it up to the surface with the others. Spongebob then rushed home to get things ready for his party. He was unsure why, but he could feel Aquarius comforting him. He went to bed and sat up to listen to the silent but beautiful lullaby of the waters. He wanted to be present for the Immortal Elemental. Aquarius was floating along, putting most folks to bed, the nocturnal fish waking up for their lives after dark. Spongebob only fell asleep when Aquarius used a small current to rustle the pineapple house's leaves gently.

Indeed, Aquarius was nearby. He was floating close to the house, glowing very dimly. He swam up to see the city over.

"Brother," Aquarius sang, "I opened my realm to you.

Brother, I know we haven't been on the best terms before.

Brother, I pray you don't take your anger out on them.

They are but mortals, dust in the cosmos.

Brother, I hope you hear me over the static of your mind.

Brother, you can see me, and I see you.

My son trusts you, and I trust him as well. I don't want all that trust to go to waste.

Brother, please be kind."

Natalie summoned a book with her mirror. Malum was angered.

"I have so many more plans for you," Malum growled, "why are you trying to summon anyone weaker than myself?"

"One, so far, your plans have amounted to just tormenting Spongebob," Natalie snapped, "And two, unlike you, he has better things to do than torment one element. I'm mortal for the rest of eternity. He can snap his finger and make anyone he wishes to disappear from existence!"

Malum asked, "Yeah, so?"

Natalie answered, "He can just erase Spongebob from all reality and time for us. Tormenting him has become tiresome, and with Willie gone to spread hatred with his fellow pirates, I refuse to have him come back and that silly Spongebob still alive."

Natalie then set up a summoning circle and a picture of Spongebob with his eyes marked off with black paint. She lay the book down and recited a spell. Instantly, a triangle-shaped portal opened. Natalie was surprised at its size; it was like a doorway.

A voice called out, "What are you waiting for? Come on in. I've been waiting for you, Natalie Britany."

Natalie cautiously entered the portal, leading into a living room all decked out for Christmas. Natalie was a bit confused. She spotted the one she was trying to summon sitting on a chair, hot chocolate in hand. It was Bill Cipher; he seemed calm. He was welcoming even.

"So old girl," Bill said, "Merry Christmas! What brings you to me? Did Malum grow bored of the ocean already? Care for some refreshments?"

He gestured to a hot chocolate bar nearby.

Natalie hissed, "Cut the pleasantries. I've come to make a deal."

"Right to the point," Bill said, "I like the cut of your jib!"

Bill poured his mug into his eye to finish and eat it. Natalie was unnerved at being a witness to it. He stood up and floated up to her.

Bill asked, "Alright, what are you asking for?"

Natalie answered, "I need you to use your power to irradicate someone from reality."

Bill said, "Give me a name and give you a body!"

Natalie grinned and replied, "Spongebob Squarepants."

Bill backed up and mulled it over. He rubbed on the wall of this room. There was a brick that had SpongeBob's signature on it. It was a small reminder of where this livable palace came from. He had these warm and fuzzy memories of the sponge being so kind to him. But then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He wasn't supposed to feel such an attachment to something so meaningless. This was wrong; he shouldn't be so friendly to some sea creature!

Natalie said, "Malum is offering his full support if you follow through."

Bill said with a tinge of hate in his voice, "I'll do it without that bloody titan!"

Bill made a flame appear in his hand and offered it to Natalie.

Natalie took it and said, "This will be a game changer."

Bill snarled, "You bet your checkers it is!"

He then let her go back to her castle.

The next day, Spongebob anxiously waited for his friends. Everything was ready for his party. There was a knock on the door, and Spongebob answered to see Patrick, who had brought a tub of their favorite ice cream. Patrick had barely stepped foot in the kitchen when there was another knock on the door. It was Squidward who brought his wooden clarinet.

"I wrote a new tune for the party," Squidward explained.

"That was very thoughtful," SpongBob noted.

Squidward had hardly taken a seat when there was another knock on the door. It was Sandy who brought two little presents. One wrapped in blue with a gold bow and the other gold with a blue bow.

"I got something for you," Sandy said, handing the present wrapped in blue to Spongebob, "And one for Bill!"

Spongebob set the gift aside and said, "Thanks, I'm sure he'll appreciate it too."

Sandy had hardly approached the coral tree when there was another knock on the door. It was Mr. Krabs who brought a clawful of paper bags.

"I got these at a discount at the pawn shop," Mr. Krabs said, "They're called 'surprise bags.' It's all the rage these days, so I hear."

"Sounds like an interesting game," Spongebob said.

Mr. Krabs had hardly even put the bags under the tree when there was yet another knock at the door. It was Bill. He had a bag slung over his shoulder and a thousand-yard stare.

"Bill," Spongebob greeted excitedly, "Come on in, We're just getting started!"

Bill came inside, still unblinking with his gaze. He blinked and chirped, "I brought gifts for all my friends."

He quickly opened the bag and set out the presents under the tree. The group settled in with snacks and light conversation. Squidward discusses his future art project ideas with Spongebob, Mr. Krabs indulges in some storytelling of his old navy days with Patrick, and Bill teaches Sandy a bit of the Unified Theory of Weirdness. You know, the usual topics of conversation. Spongebob had quite the delicious spread of holiday snacks, too.

They all had Patrick's ice cream while listening to Squidward's beautiful and festive music. Bill did his best poker face not to spoil the fun of the surprise bags. It was mostly just jewelry made of fake precious metals and stones. Spongebob and Bill opened Sandy's gifts. Spongebob was given a cute little spaceship in a bottle, and Bill was given a snow globe with a miniature Bikini Bottom replica inside. Bill gave everyone a small sandstone pyramid with an eye on it.

"This way, I can keep better tabs on you guys whenever I'm not physically present," Bill said, "and in case you need or want me, just say my name three times to the statue, and I'll be there!"

Then, most of the friend group cleared out. They were saying their goodbyes and thanks for a beautiful party, except for Bill, who had that thousand-yard stare again directed at Spongebob. The sponge was a bit concerned.

Spongebob asked, "Did you enjoy your time at the party?"

Bill said, "Oh, for sure! It's a bit different from the ragers at my place. But, I appreciate the change of pace."

SpongeBob said, "That's good."

"SpongeBob," Bill said, "there's no easy way for me to say this, so I'll sing it instead!"

Bill snapped his fingers, and Spongebob sat down at his desk chair, unable to get up.

Bill sang, "You're an idiot!

You misplaced your trust in me!

I'm no good for you after all!

Because,

I'm still Evil!

I'm still bad!

I'm still a villain, after all!

I gave up the Nightmare Realm and all my monstrous friends, and for what?!

A new place to call home and a new group of friends!

Please, I'll lose those soon too!

I'm still Evil!

I'm still bad!

I'm still a villain, after all!

You are a nobody in the wider multiverse."

His voice grew deep and imposing as he loomed over Spongebob, "Little Fry Cook, I'm not bound to you!

I'm bound to a witch with a blood Titan who wishes you dead!

I'm still Evil!

I'm still bad!

I'm still a villain, after all!

I'M STILL EVIL, AFTER ALL!"

SpongeBob sighed in relief, "Oh, you were pretending this whole time, thank Neptune!"

Bill was perplexed and asked, "Why is that a relief to you?"

Spongebob chirped, "I was so worried I had made you forget who you were by the sweetness of my love. It's so good to finally meet someone who can overcome it and be true to themselves. I'm so happy you managed to find yourself!"

Bill was caught off guard and then thought about it.

Spongebob said, "It's good to meet you finally; even if it just happens, you're a much more powerful villain."

Bill then said, "Wait, no! That's not what happened; your love is sweet but not irresistibly so. I... how do I put this? I met another reality bender named the Beyonder, who showed me how to enjoy the little things that made life worth living. But that was before you. Meeting you was so different; you were kind and generous, and I admit I got attached."

Spongebob was surprised.

"You never shook my hand," Bill said, "But Natalie did, and she wants me to erase you. I must fulfill my obligations."

SpongeBob said, scared but supportive, "Do what you must; it's your business, not mine."

Bill balled his hand into a fist and set it alight. He then wound up and threw a punch at SpongeBob. Spongeob tightened his eyelids, but Bill stopped himself a mere inch before it made contact. Spongebob opened his eyes and saw that the flame had gone out, but Bill still held his fist in the air.

Spongebob asked, "Is something wrong?"

"I CAN'T DO IT," Bill sobbed, "YOU MEAN, too much to me. I don't get it; usually, I can detach myself from this. Even my most beloved playthings weren't spared from my Weirdmageddon. But somehow, your love for this meaningless town in the middle of the ocean rubbed off on me. Hell, look at me. I'm still dressed like I'm celebrating your little holiday."

Spongebob said, "You also waited until everyone else had left to do this. Believe it or not, you might care about our little band of misfits."

Bill said, "You know what, I do. Even without your influence."

Then he contacted Natalie with his body acting as a kind of Facetime.

Natalie asked, "Is he dead yet?"

"The deals off," Bill said, "I don't take orders from a low-level witch like you."

Natalie screeched, "LOW-LEVEL WITCH?!"

Then he hung up on her. He snapped his fingers, and Spongebob could get off his desk chair.

"I'm so sorry," Bill said.

Spongebob said reassuringly, "I forgive you. This kind of thing is starting to happen more frequently. Just don't do it again, please."

"Okay," Bill said.

Then he returned to his home Palace and immediately transformed into regular clothes.