Author's Note:
For any new readers or old that might've been confused, when I was editing and sprucing up the chapters I apparently made a wrong chapter replacement which meant chapter five was duplicated to chapter 6. As of 2023-12-22 this mistake has been rectified and I just want to apologize, if you are past that chapter I ask that you just check that you've read the actual sixth chapter as it does contain an extremely significant detail in the story, specifically in "Thoughts in the Night". The second part of "Thoughts in the Night" is also in this chapter so I highly recommend you check that you've read it as otherwise it might be a bit weird.
Slight spoiler: Ever since I started writing this fanfic I've been going back and forth on what colour Vader's sabers would have, thematically in this story it is my belief that the colour I've chosen fits the best.
Happy Christmas to those who are reading this when it comes out.
The Workshop II
"Every act of creation is first an act of destruction."
Pablo Picasso
In between "Sweetness of Ash" and "The Broken II" from chapter 7
Vader's workshop would always be his happy place, where he could forget about the world around him and just do something he enjoys, creating things. Today's work of mechanical art: his new lightsabers.
He'd been able to think a great deal about how he was going to design them, he'd chosen three specific elements to base the design around. Firstly his old lightsaber, from which he took the black ridges on the lower part of his saber. Secondly he'd chosen a leather grip with a twisted silver wire creating indents for his fingers to slide into. The third element was something of a more sentimental choice, something to remind him of one of his greatest accomplishments.
He'd chosen to make the grip slightly curved, nowhere near the curve of Dooku's lightsaber however. It was a smaller curve beginning at the middle and it only deviated by 20 degrees, if he held it with both hands it would still behave like a normal lightsaber and you would probably not be able to tell that it had a curve. But he'd chosen to incorporate it anyway both for the aesthetic look and the functionality of it.
The design was the inverse of his old saber, the ridges were at the top of his lightsaber and formed something akin to a mace head or crown-like shape around the blade emitter. Unlike his old saber however, they only covered half the top portion of the saber so as to not be in the way of the leather grip in the middle of the saber. If one were to divide the design into four parts the two in the middle were taken up by the leather grip, the twisted silver wire inlay into leather creating a spiral from top to bottom. The 20 degree circular curve that began at the midsection completed at the bottom of his saber where he had a small hook like on his old saber to hang it on his belt.
He had created two of them, while he had almost exclusively used only one before during his time as a Jedi he now saw that he needed every advantage he could get his hands on. Due to his injuries he'd lost much of his speed and therefore it was imperative that he make up for that hindrance, if he could not dodge and move freely then he would simply have to be an impenetrable fortress, metaphorically speaking of course. Having two lightsabers meant he could defend himself from a wider angle and with his new cyborg strength he can easily overpower any normal Jedi even while using only one arm.
While he would undoubtedly have to get used to utilizing Jar Kai more, he had also had time to contemplate his fighting style regarding more than just the number of lightsabers he utilized. He would not be fighting many Jedi so it would be logical to focus more on combating blasters than lightsabers, therefore he had decided that he would switch from the Djem So style of form 5 to the Shien variant of the same form. Shien, which focused on deflecting blaster bolts back to the enemy which would also be amplified by the fact that he would now use two lightsabers.
This new style had also reminded him of his old padawan… Ahsoka… it had been what she'd used. The differences between their styles however would be noticeable, Vader did not hold his lightsabers in reverse grip and also wasn't as agile as Ahsoka who at times acted more like a predatory cat with her nearly crouched stance. He'd have to find out if she'd survived order 66 someday, since she was technically not a part of the order anymore she might've been spared but she would've undoubtedly gone into hiding out of fear that she would be next since she had been a part of the order once.
The last detail and without a doubt the most important part of the saber he held in his hand, that which would serve as the focusing crystal. These two small spheres which lay in his hand were also a reminder to one of his accomplishments, a more recent one than his triumph over dooku. He had been incredibly lucky actually, the two he held in his hand were not alone, there was a third one which he was keeping for a different project, his apprentice's new lightsaber.
When he had slain the Krayt dragon on Tatooine almost two months ago he had been fortunate… incredibly so in fact. As far as it was known Krayt dragons only had one pearl in their digestive tract, the one he had slain had possessed three. Even more surprising was the fact that they were the same colouration, meaning that they were not pearls from different dragons. They had been comparatively smaller by some margin to other known Krayt pearls, which as well pointed towards the fact that they were essentially triplets if you could call them as such.
It had taken time to extract the core from each of the pearls but now they were done and the two in his hand would soon find their home inside the focus chamber of his new sabers.
Placing the two sabers in front of him spaced equally apart from each other and their respective pearl by their side he got down on his knees and closed his eyes. He'd done this countless times before, when creating his replacements for the ones he lost and when he was tinkering with them. One thing was sure though, he wasn't planning on losing these two, ever. Reaching out with the force he went through the usual steps and before long it was done, there was a feeling that slithered its way up his spine when he looked at the completed sabers, excitement.
Picking them both up and standing up from his knees which admittedly had not appreciated having the entire weight of him bearing down on them like that. Having kept them mostly the same to how he'd gotten them his prosthetics still inflicted pain on him, the constant reminder of his past, the pain from which he drew his strength…
He brought the sabers side by side and pressed on their ignitions simultaneously, the expected sound would've been the normal snap hiss but instead he could hear an almost roar-like sound… a sign of the strength which the twin weapons held within them. There was barely a glow emanating from the blades but they were still clearly visible, dark like black holes and a thin white outline framing the darkness. Vader couldn't help but smile when he saw the colouration, he had his suspicions about what the colour would be but he was pleasantly surprised by this, it fit him perfectly… dark sabers for a dark warrior.
The Pain of Truth
Ignorance is Bliss, Knowledge is Power but also brings Sadness.
Obi Wan knew that this would happen, from the moment he laid eyes on Ahsoka he knew that the question was a when and not an if, a very imminent when…
By the way, where is Anakin… where's my master… where is Anakin…
Her exact words, the ones now echoing in his head, echoes trying to find the answer… The look of worry on her face, the slight creeping feeling of panic in her force presence, she probably already understood from his silence what his answer would be. But the answer and the truth weren't the same, yes Anakin is dead, that is the painful truth, one which he can't hide from her… But how it all happened… that truth is more painful… so much more painful.
"Ahsoka… Anakin is… he has become one with the force…" He couldn't bear the thought of actually saying the simple words… He's dead… there was some intangible lump in his throat when he even tried to say that simple line. He still didn't want to believe it, but it was the truth and nothing… nothing could change that. He thought briefly of how he'd seen that hazy image of Qui Gon but brushed it aside, he still wasn't sure if he had been hallucinating that.
The look on Ahsoka's face told him everything…
"No… it can't be… no, you have to be wrong…" She continued on like that until Obi Wan spoke again. "It is the truth Ahsoka… it's the truth…"
Ahsoka couldn't believe what she was hearing, Anakin couldn't be dead, not even Dooku could defeat him… Obi Wan had to be wrong, it can't be the truth…
"No, you're wrong I would've felt it if he was dead…" She was reminded of the visions she experienced not one day ago, how she saw Anakin die at the hand of that black-clad Sith in the council chamber. That was just a vision… she would've felt him die.
"Ahsoka! I was the one who did it, he is dead!" … … …
Obi Wan killed Anakin? No… that has to be a lie, the two of them are like brothers… But the look on his face… how his eyebrows were creased… the sorrow in his eyes… the pained twitch in the corner of his mouth… No… no, no, no.
"He… turned to the darkside, he went mad… He gave me no other choice…" The pain, the sadness… clear as day…
"Why?" …
"Why I killed him or why he turned?" …
"Why didn't you save him?" …
"He was already gone, there was nothing I could do." …
"He was a good person… you could've…" Before she could finish the sentence Obi Wan cut her off.
"Ahsoka, you remember Mortis, do you know why he became enraptured in the dark there?" What did that have to do with any of this? They weren't even sure that whatever they had experienced had been real, so why bring it up now? "No, I don't"
"I have been thinking a lot about that recently… it was always Anakin's way to sacrifice himself for others. Whatever the son showed him, it made him so fearful and desperate that he turned to the dark… I didn't want to think about it before, which is among my many great failures. He had always had the darkness within him, ever present… but he could manage it relatively well, and by all measures he was an incredibly kind, brave and loyal person."
He took a deep breath, his shoulder slumped and he closed his eyes. Ahsoka simply waited for him to continue, feeling through the force that Obi Wan was incredibly pained at the moment.
"You can have loyalty to many things, but in the end there will always be one which trumps all other loyalties you hold. You can be unmeasurably brave, but as with all things bravery and courage can falter and wither before fear and terror. You can be selflessly kind, but that kindness can lead you to both take on all the darkness… and for the sake of others… sacrifice yourself to it instead."
"I know that sounds extremely rehearsed, which it is, I have not been able to stop repeating it or thinking about it… Because it's true, he fell to the darkside to save… but in the end it cost him his life to do it."
Ahsoka didn't really get all of what Obi Wan was seemingly trying to say, but there was something she wanted a more specific answer to…
"What do you mean "he fell to the darkside to save"?" The darkside only gives empty promises to gain power and corrupt those who use it, it makes people selfish and power hungry. Why would he ever turn to it to save something, Anakin was well aware that the promises the darkside gave were empty and self serving… so why?
There was a long pause before he answered, she could tell from the force that he was contemplating very hard about what to say and do… but why? What did Anakin try to save? More importantly, what would he turn to the darkside for to save? Then it dawned on her, she knew what that something was… she had the answer to her question.
"I think… it would be easier… and better if I showed you…"
Old Friends II
Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
Mencius
She had just gotten off of a holocall with Bail and Mon as her new persona, "Mask"; she was terrible with naming things. The wooden mask which she had managed to carve was serving its purpose. Owen had come in and told her what he and Obi Wan had seen and subsequently how Obi Wan had sped off. Padmé understood that it was a matter of time until he would be coming back with the ship and they would be in hyperspace shortly after. Obi Wan was a wanted Jedi and she was someone who could not be revealed to be alive, even if Obi Wan could solve the situation with them being able to stay on Tatooine it was still not an option… if there was one then there would eventually be more, meaning Tatooine was no longer safe, if it could have ever been called that in the first place being the wretched place that it was.
It was strange, she had everything she owned either on her or in a backpack, an idea which she could scarcely imagine a month ago. Back then she had countless dresses and outfits, an entire penthouse filled with pieces of art, furniture and the like… now she had a blaster, some clothes, a comlink, a wood mask and some other small objects like the japor snippet Anakin had given her… All of that fit in a backpack and her pockets, all of that except the japor snippet was worthless compared to what she was holding in her arms…
"Leia, my sweet starlight, everything is going to be alright… uncle Obi will soon come back, then we will go to a new planet. Hopefully that one will have plenty of water and I especially hope it will not have as much sand as here, your dad really disliked sand you know." Leia was still too young to actually understand any of what Padmé was saying but it wasn't for her sake she said those things… never in her life had she experienced the level of fear and worry which she'd felt this last week. Not even during the days leading up to Mustafar… or that actual day…
She understood why she was afraid and worried, it was only natural when your only child and entire world was in danger… no words or texts describing how it was to be a mother would have prepared her for how it actually was, how it was to truly fear for your child. The thought of losing Leia was completely unbearable, if that happened… if the unthinkable happened, then she would completely lose it, she was completely sure of it.
The sound of a speeder approaching got her focus. She pulled out her blaster; if it was Obi Wan why would he be returning with the speeder and not the ship? If it was something else… well better be prepared for anything, with Leia in her arms she was not in a risk taking mood. She went to hide in one of the wall crevices so that she could surprise any unwelcome guests if that was what had come with the speeder. Owen and Beru were in the droid room and unaware of what was going on.
"I am telling you it will just be better if you see, you'll understand when you do." That was Obi Wan's voice, she could hear the sound of several footsteps coming from the stairs meaning he wasn't alone. But who could it be?
She saw how Obi Wan came out, followed by… wait, Ahsoka? Without getting time to process she was also surprised to see Captain Rex.
"So we are here, what is it that is going to magically explain everything?" Ahsoka was a bit more than irritated it seemed. Padmé reasoned that if both Ahsoka and Rex were with Obi Wan and he saw fit to bring them both here then she was probably the thing that would "magically explain everything". She holstered her blaster and appeared from the crevice.
"I think I am the one that needs an explanation, Obi Wan." Obi Wan had a grateful look on his face when he turned and saw her, Rex and Ahsoka however, jaws dropped to the floor would be a pretty apt way of describing their reaction.
"Senator Amidala? But…" Rex was the first of the pair that managed to get his words out, Ahsoka however ran up to Padmé and hugged her really hard.
"Ahsoka, be careful with Leia." The stunned pair had been too preoccupied with the discovery that she was in fact alive to notice the bundle she was holding.
"What?" Breaking the hug Ahsoka looked at her with confusion clearly showing across her face and in the look she was giving Padmé, after which she looked down now being able to clearly see Leia wrapped in her little bundle. Her face started growing a large open mouthed smile, but it stopped after which Ahsoka crossed her arms and put one of her hands in front of her mouth. Then she turned towards Obi Wan, which was responded with a dejected nod by the Jedi Master. She turned back around and looked once more at Leia.
"She's got his eyes…" Ahsoka looked out of it, mesmerized almost. Apparently she had managed to figure it out that Anakin was the father, Padmé was almost 100% sure about the fact that Ahsoka had known that there was something going on between her and Anakin, so he would be the most likely father… to Padmé he had been the only possible choice…
"Yes… she does…" Looking down, Padmé saw a very perplexed Leia looking between her mother and the weird stranger.
"She is Anakin's right?" Padmé felt a bit insulted by the question but she understood that Ahsoka already knew the answer but seemingly had to hear it to actually believe it.
"Yes, Leia is mine and Anakin's." She couldn't hide the tired and sad look on her face when she was once again reminded of what she had lost. Anakin and Luke… she breathed a heavy sigh and began to speak.
"I think we all have a lot to talk about right now… don't we…"
Thoughts in the Night II
Nightmares, Visions, Dreams, the only thing that separates them is what we define them to be. A nightmare may very well be a vision and a vision might be a dream.
Padmé had just managed to put Leia asleep after nearly half an hour of trying. She knew that babies were supposed to be like this but she couldn't wish enough that Leia would grow to not be so hard to get to sleep.
Sitting down on the side of her bed she hunched over resting her elbows on her knees and covering her face with her hands. She was exhausted, it hadn't even been two weeks after Mustafar and so much had already happened… Anakin's death, the birth of the twins, Luke dying, hiding on Tatooine, hiding from the Sith, learning how to take care of Leia, being reunited with Ahsoka and Rex again… it was just so much.
Having to explain all that had happened to Ahsoka and Rex had been extremely hard, but Padmé and Obi Wan hated going into the details of it all… but Ahsoka and Rex had a right to know… she heaved a deep sigh…
"Why? Why did everything go to hell?" She mumbled it and regretted it instantly, it just brought her to that place in her mind where she couldn't help but think of what could've been. The fact that everything had happened hurt so much that she at first didn't think anything could be worse, but when she had started thinking of how everything could have turned out, how her life could have been different… that is when she truly hurt, that was when she truly felt the pain.
You do not understand the value or importance of something until you've lost it. She lost the chance to live those scenarios she imagined in her head, where she and Anakin were raising Luke and Leia on Naboo. She lost the chance to experience that incredible image of them all standing on the shore of Varykino, Padmé holding Luke and Anakin holding Leia, while all four of them stared out at the sunset… why… Why did it all have to be torn from her? Why would Leia have to grow up in fear of being discovered? What had Padmé done to deserve this fate? Leia surely had done nothing to deserve never seeing her twin brother or father…
She curled up on the bed trying to just push all the images flashing through her mind out, they did nothing but make her sad and pathetic. She couldn't even cry, in the past days everytime she went to sleep she saw that scene she imagined of Varykino's shore. The first times she'd seen it it had been heart wrenching and had immediately awoken her and brought her to tears, but now? Now she just lifelessly accepted the emptiness in her heart, accepted that she would be forever plagued by these beautiful images of something she would never get to experience.
After a while of just lying curled up on the bed she felt the pull of sleep finally embrace her, what nightmare or incredible but unobtainable future would she have to suffer through this night.
She found herself standing in a large verdant field, one surrounded by waterfalls… she knew where this was, it was going to be an incredible but unobtainable future she was going to see apparently. Honestly she would've preferred a nightmare over this. Looking down at her hands she was confused, it was like she was made up entirely from white light or something. They felt weightless, like they were actually made out of light… this was entirely different from how these visions or dreams usually were.
Nothing was happening so she decided that if it wasn't going to show her a beautifully haunting scene that could've been she might as well enjoy this "reprieve" from all the pain. She began walking, she let her hands go out to her side with open palms to feel the tufts of grass slide across them. The ground felt incredible against the sole of her feet, Naboo had really spoiled her, compared to Tatooine it was truly paradise. After spending just these past days on Tatooine she finally understood why Anakin disliked sand so much, it is rough, coarse and it gets everywhere. His flirting back then was embarrassing to say the least but looking back on it always made Padmé happy for some reason.
She had been walking for who knows how long now, just mindlessly thinking about anything that came to mind really… her parents… Sola, Ryoo and Pooja… how those waterfalls always made her feel so calm. It felt so peaceful… even if it was a dream, she was happy… she reached the top of a hill, she stopped to take in the incredible scenery in front of her. A great expanse of small hills covered with tufted grass only stopped by the large cliff face waterfalls that enclosed the rolling hills, the light breeze created immaculate ripples that flowed across the grass tufts like ocean waves. Everything was bathed in a beautiful combination of aurate beams of sunlight and the argent gleam of the cascading waters against the natural verdance of the emerald and jade colour of the grass.
One could only describe it with words like "heavenly" and "immaculate"... even if it was a dream, she was happy…
Then she spotted something odd… a black spot moving about in the fields… it was so utterly contrastive with everything around it. After observing it for a while, she could definitely say that it moved like a person. It took higher steps to create a way forward for itself, but it was seemingly moving erratically with no sign of moving towards a single spot or destination. Just like she herself had been doing before she reached the summit of the hill she was currently standing on. She hadn't noticed before but the grass on this particular hilltop was rather short, in fact she could probably sit down and still see everything she was seeing while standing.
Forgetting the black figure trekking through the rolling fields she lowered herself to the ground, she sat there just looking, not at anything in particular, just… looking, taking everything in. She couldn't see the black figure anymore and frankly it didn't bother her, this place just made all her worries evaporate into nothingness. There was no pain, no grief, no sorrow… nothing, but the calm breeze rolling along its endless course and the sound of its soothing whistle. She stretched herself out across the grass just lying there breathing slowly, feeling the texture of the grass against her back.
Paradise…
She hadn't noticed in her blissful trance that the black figure was now sitting just a small distance away from her. But when she finally sat up she noticed it in the corner of her eye. She wasn't startled, she didn't even react, she just acknowledged that well, now it was there, sitting in the grass just like herself. It wasn't looking at her, it was staring out across the scenery like she had been doing before. It was completely black, but she could still make out its features interestingly enough. They looked so familiar, something about the broadness of the shoulders, the musculature on its arms and legs.
She looked at her own body, it was the complete opposite. It was the same proportions as her actual body but as she had noticed before everything was completely white, her hands, her legs, everything even her hair was pure white. For a moment she imagined what it would be like to have this pure white hair in real life, while she had always loved her brown curls she actually thought this was more beautiful… at least right now…
She was starting to get a bit curious about the black figure, clearly it was the only other thing here in her dream except for the scenery. It was the complete opposite of her it seemed, an utterly black masculine figure compared to her pure white feminine form. What would happen if she interacted with it? Or is it a him? Well, the only way to really find out would be to try to talk with it.
"Hello there." She didn't recognize her voice, it was lighter and more high pitched yet it held a clear elegance and refinement in it. Another thing to add to that which is really weird about this dream.
"Hello" It was clearly the voice of a man, it was deep and of a lower pitch, essentially the opposite of what she was "embodying" in this dream. His head had turned to look at her now, there were no discernable facial features, just a blank visage.
"You really stand out here." She didn't know what to even say so essentially she decided to pick the icebreaker route, something obvious which both could talk about was their appearance.
"Yes, well that makes one of us at least." She gave a small laugh at his rather on point comment, true she probably fit better but either way she couldn't help it. These past days had been so devoid of laughter and other happy moments, even the new memories she'd made with Leia were unfortunately stained by the circumstances… right now however, she could just be happy, no circumstances wearing her down.
"Yeah, well either way… isn't it beautiful here?" She leaned her head on her knees which she'd propped up against her chest, it probably looked pretty strange but she couldn't help it… she just felt that it fit the moment.
"Yes, incredibly so… but it's also painful…" His tone started more glad but after the small pause became dejected. She could understand why it can be painful, for her at least it was the fact that she probably wouldn't be able to truly experience this in reality… serene bliss…
"Because it's not reality?" Did he feel the same way as she? Was he also unable to truly enjoy every second spent in this paradise, in this false reality?
He didn't answer immediately… he turned his head towards the giant waterfalls and looked at them for a moment. Then he reached down with his hand and stroked the grass after which he answered…
"Yeah, that's probably a good way of describing it." It sounded as if he almost exhaled those words, content sadness… that's how she would describe how it sounded.
They didn't say anything more, they both just returned to staring at the rolling hills and cascading waters. Eventually the sun began nearing the end of it's journey, the skyes colour turned into an amalgamation of flame orange and light violet, the brilliant shine on the waters reflecting the aurate light of the sun. Even if it lasted for only a short while it felt like an eternity when she simply watched the sun travel beneath the horizon.
Just as the day had been utterly beautiful so too was the night in this place, at this point she didn't know if it was a dream or not… and frankly, she didn't care… Right now, in this place, she was in paradise.
The night sky was incredible, there were no clouds to obscure the gleaming dots in the sky and the argent radiance of the moon. Even though it was night she could still see everything clearly, every blade of grass and every drop of water beautifully illuminated by the silvery argence of the full moon. Even her companion in black was still visible clearly, although not nearly as clearly as herself. Looking at her hands and legs they were still that incredible pure white as they had been during the day, but now it was contrasted elegantly by the darkness… not even the moon could match the singular colouration of her skin.
"I wish this would never end…" She murmured it out longingly, if there was one thing she hoped for right now it was that this dream or whatever it was would never, ever, end. She could look at this night sky for the rest of eternity and never grow restless, every sunset, every sunrise, walking through the tufted grass, trekking up and down the small hills, sitting her watching it all… she could do it forever.
"Me too…" She was a bit surprised, she hadn't expected him to hear her little murmur but he had. "Me too…", yes, who wouldn't. Who wouldn't want to sit here for the rest of eternity. An eternal escape from reality in blissful paradise.
"Forgive me Padmé, tell our child… tell them, I'm sorry…"
After she heard those words her eyes opened… reality once more, ehh.
It was Anakin… that black figure… it was him…