COMING SOON ON THE TOTALLY REAL SPIN-OFF "FOOLY FALLS: THE SERIES!"
Cheer Up
"You stay away from my brother and my boyfriend, you man-eater!" Leia yelled angrily as she barged into the girls' locker room at Gravity Falls High School with Haruko and Jinyu by her side. All three were dressed in cheerleader uniforms as Leia had to join the squad to hunt down a succubus who infiltrated the school and enslaved the students, including Ian and Ezra.
"Oh, if it isn't the new girls on the squad." The succubus Lucerna purred seductively as she got off her throne made of horny teenage boys and strutted towards the three women across a walkway made of other cheerleaders, making sure her large breasts, curvy butt, and toned legs were shown off for all to see. "Fufufu, I'm surprised it took you this long to finally discover my plans."
"Just hand over our friends and return to the pits of hell from whence you came." Jinyu declared while presenting a cross.
"I'm afraid you're all too late, ladies." Lucerna smirked while flocked by members of her posse. "As my power grows, soon this entire town will be mine to control, and you too will fall under my sway! OOOOOH-HOHOHOHO!" The succubus snapped her fingers, causing a few cheerleaders, including Leia's gal-pals Robin and Roxie Valentino, to surround the trio. "Girls, subdue these three, and make sure there's no weakness they can exploit so they can escape."
"Man, those Bring It On movies were never anything like this." Haruko muttered to herself as she, Leia, and Jinyu were surrounded by cheerleaders.
A Mid-Spring Prom Night's Dream
"You mean he just said no at the last minute and didn't say why?!" Dipper yelled as his daughter sat sadly before him. "How are we going to find you a date to the dance at this hour?!"
"I don't know, Dad." Gwen said, heartbroken over being stood up, and on prom night no less, as she looked down at the beautiful white dress she was wearing. "Aunt Pacifica helped me pick out this dress, and now I have no one to show it to."
"Don't get too bummed out, Gwen, that Damian probably broke a ton of hearts tonight, that little playboy." Wendy tried cheering her daughter up. "It's not like a new date is going to show up at the last minute and knock on our door at this very moment!" Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "I was kidding!"
Dipper then answered the door, and on the other side was Jinyu standing on the front porch, dressed in a purple suit with a corsage over her left breast, a black tie, and her hair in a bun while Haruko waited in the Bel-Air. "Evening Jinyu," Dipper greeted the Vespa Woman's surrogate sister. "what brings you here?"
"I came here to ask if Gwen would like to take me as a date to the dance," Jinyu stated while presenting Dipper with a bouquet of flowers. "I overheard her being rejected by that Damian boy and simply didn't want a dear friend to be left alone on such a big night."
"Oh, thank you Jinyu, you're a lifesaver!" Dipper yelled in delight as he hugged Jinyu tightly and brought her inside. "Nice suit, by the way."
"Thank you. Haruko picked it out for me." Jinyu said before looking at Gwen and holding out her hand. "Gwen, would you like to take me as your date?"
"You-you mean it?" Gwen blushed, both at the offer and at how handsome Jinyu looked in her suit, before taking the older woman's hand. "Okay then. Thank you, Jinyu."
"Smile, you two!" Wendy exclaimed as she took prom pictures of Gwen and Jinyu together. "Oh my gosh, our baby's first prom date! And it's with a girl too!"
"You think she might be bisexual or even lesbian?" Tyrone asked as he walked downstairs to see his sister off.
"I think it might be too early to tell," Jinyu replied. "We'll just see how the night goes." With a gentle smile, Julia then took Gwen's hand and they walked off together into the night, where Haruko the chauffeur was waiting to drive them to the dance on her Vespa.
Nightmare on Gopher Road
It was a crisp and cool Summerween evening in Gravity Falls as the townsfolk celebrated their favorite early Halloween holiday. Naturally, the Pines family and their friends also joined the festivities. At Tyrone's suggestion, the Pines family dressed up as characters from one of his favorite manga. Dipper and Tyrone were clad in matching orange and blue martial arts uniforms, while Wendy wore a blue and red Chinese dress, and Gwen was dressed in a purple gi with a red sash and black wristbands.
Meanwhile, Mabel was wearing a pink shirt with "BADMAN" written on the back, Pacifica wore a white t-shirt with a green harness, a left shoulder pad with her name on it, pants with the right leg cut off and a green pouch strapped to her left thigh, and Arnold had an indigo jacket over a black shirt, dark grey pants, golden boots, and a sword hanging off his back.
Finally, Ford wore a large turtle shell on his back and some sunglasses while carrying around a walking stick, and Stan styled his ghostly hair into an afro while giving himself a mustache.
"So, where should we go next for trick or treating?" Haruko, dressed in a stylish red trenchcoat over a black undershirt with black leather pants and brown boots, asked while holding her bag of candy by the blade of a sword she was carrying.
"Why don't we hit up that ominous castle that I'm pretty sure wasn't there before?" Leia suggested while pointing to a mysterious castle in the distance. She was wearing a black crop top with cargo pants and black gloves. Ezra was in a similar outfit, while Ian wore a green jacket with the number 10 on the right side of his chest and blue jeans.
As for Juan, Jorge, Imelda, Abby, and Aiko, the four Ramirez kids were wearing turtle shells and individually colored bandanas over their eyes. Juan wore a blue bandana, Imelda was wearing purple, Jorge wore red, and Abby wore an orange one. Aiko, meanwhile, was dressed in a yellow jumpsuit and holding a microphone.
"When did that show up?" Jinyu asked. To match Haruko's costume, Jinyu wore a black coat with light blue snake patterns, a midnight blue vest over a black sleeveless turtleneck, gray fingerless gloves, black pants, and dark-colored boots with teal gaiters. "I suppose we got new neighbors recently."
"Well, no harm in welcoming them to the neighborhood," Mabel stated as she walked towards the scary castle. "Though I can't help but feel a bit of deja vu from this place." As the gang got closer, the castle grew larger and more menacing, almost like it wanted them to leave as soon as possible.
"But if they're monsters, I came prepared." Juan declared while pulling out a surplus of holy water, crosses, garlic, and wooden stakes from his candy bucket. But Mabel was undeterred as she knocked on the door before it opened, and a pale, bony hand grabbed her by the wrist. With a loud cry, Mabel looked up to find a vampire staring back at her from behind the door, one that seemed familiar.
"Oh my god, it's Duh-duh-duh….." Dipper stuttered in horror at the vampire glaring at Mabel.
"Rah-rah-rah….." Jinyu added, just as terrified.
"Aah-aah-aah….." Haruko declared.
"DRACULA!" everybody screamed as they prepared to grab Mabel and run for their lives.
"Oh my gosh, it's you!" Mabel squealed in delight. "My cute vampire!"
"Mabel Pines, as I live and breathe!" the vampire chuckled as he opened the door, showing that he was wearing a red trenchcoat like the one Haruko had as part of her costume, along with a black tank top and matching pants. "It's been, like, twenty years since I last saw you, and it seems you've become more beautiful than ever."
"Uh, Mabel, do you know Dracula or something?" Dipper asked as he and Pacifica walked toward Mabel and the vampire.
"Just stay away from my wife, you blood-sucking freak!" Pacifica yelled protectively.
"Now, now, I think we got off on the wrong foot here." The vampire said. "First off, I'm not Dracula. That's my second uncle in Transylvania. You can call me Lucas Vlad, one of your sister's many childhood crushes."
"Yeah, remember when I said I once dated a cute vampire?" Mabel added before gesturing to Lucas. "Well, here he is!"
"Your sister dated a vampire?" Jinyu said in shock at what she had just learned.
"You should've seen us on our first day of summer here," Dipper replied. "She dated a boy that turned out to be a bunch of gnomes in a hoodie."
"Anyways, you must be Dipper Pines." Lucas greeted Dipper with a fang-filled smile as he offered a handshake. "Mabel has told me quite a bit about you back in the day, and I'm happy to finally-"
"WE'LL SAVE YOU DIPPER!" Juan abruptly screamed before throwing a hunk of silver at Lucas that hit the vampire hard in his groin.
"AUGH, JESUS POLE-DANCING ON THE CROSS!" Lucas screamed in pain as his privates throbbed in pain from the sudden attack. "What was that for, you obnoxious little shit?! You don't see me running around throwing silver at people's dicks, do ya?!"
"In our defense, we didn't have time to make silver bullets." Jorge stood up for Juan against Lucas.
The Ghost Grunkle of Sengoku
"You know, guys, it was nice of you to help me with my Sengoku period paper," Ian said while Jinyu's Bel Air parked in ancient Japan. "But did we really need to go time-traveling and accidentally create the Son Goku period?!"
"KAMEHAMEHA!" Oda Nobunaga yelled as he cupped his hands together and fired a massive energy blast at Mōri Motonari, who responded with a blast of his own.
"GALICK GUN!" Motonari yelled and fired at Nobunaga, causing their beams to clash in an earthshaking collision.
"So that's where I left my manga!" Tyrone chirped as he watched the battle between Nobunaga and Motonari in awe and jealousy. "No fair! I spent hours in the backyard trying to do a Kamehameha, and these guys pull it off like it's nothing! What do they have that I don't?!"
"Tyrone, we'll need to have a long talk about separating fantasy from reality." Gwen quietly said to her little brother before the siblings ducked to avoid a Destructo Disc flying towards them. "Jinyu, any idea how long we have before this causes any more damage to the timeline?"
"Thankfully, this is only a shred of the chaos to come," Jinyu said, observing more and more of Nobunaga's forces display abilities no man should be able to perform.
"We should get cracking fast; this isn't even Motonari's final form!" Ian exclaimed as Motonari started screaming at the top of his lungs while surrounded by a golden aura, causing rocks to gently float up off the ground while his hair began to turn yellow.
Le Stan au Haut Château
"Well, guys, I got good news and bad news." Dipper declared. "The good news is that we managed to restore Sengoku period Japan to normal."
"What's the bad news?" Ian asked nervously. "And how bad is it?"
"Well, the bad news is that somehow, this led to Switzerland getting tired of World War II and deciding to conquer both the Allies and the Axis." Dipper declared, much to everyone's alarm. "Anyone want some cheese fondue while we think of a way to fix the timeline again?"
"Dibs!" Haruko yelled while helping herself to the cheese fondue as Ford examined the damage done to history on Canti's screen.
"It seems that our meddling with the Sengoku period has caused a ripple effect across history that erased numerous important events in human civilization." Ford analyzed the chaos. "Thanks to us, Isaac Newton never discovered gravity, John Wilkes Booth decided not to assassinate Abraham Lincoln, the lightbulb wasn't invented, Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech was called "I Have a Cream," and much, much more. It's all getting worse by the minute and if we don't think fast, we could all be erased from existence next!"
"Uh, guys, I think we're already ceasing to exist." Gwen realized while watching her arm slowly fade away. "What can we do to fix this?!"
"Man, what I wouldn't give to have Blendin Blandin helping out." Mabel added before she turned around to see Lolph and Dundgren of the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron, along with a captive Blendin Blandin. "Well, speak of the devil!"
"Dipper and Mabel Pines," Lolph said while Dundgren broke out a pair of handcuffs. "Your reckless time-traveling has become a danger to the entire universe! How do you plead?!"
"Wait, don't take away my mommy and uncle!" Tyrone rushed to the previous-gen Pines twins' defense. "This was all my fault. One of my manga got lost in ancient Japan, and everybody worked hard to fix my mistake. So please, let us set things right. If we don't, you can take me instead."
"You drive a hard bargain, little boy." Dundgren said before putting the handcuffs away. "We'll allow you to fix the timeline. In addition, there is someone who can help."
"Uh, hey Pines, long time no see." Blendin greeted with an awkward laugh as the two time cops shoved him forward. "Did you get that message I hid in the library?"
"Wait, that was you?!" Ford gasped in awe at meeting a real time-traveler. "I remember finding your message. What happened to your mustache?"
"That's not important." Blendin stated. "I'm sure you have a ton of questions right now, and I wouldn't blame you."
"I got one!" Mabel exclaimed. "Did your voice change or something? I swear, it sounded a lot more "Aw geez" when I last met you."
"Gold rush era disease," Blendin explained. "It did a real number on all my voice organs, but the nostalgia was worth it!"
The Harlem Globetrotters and the Obscene Large Bean!
"What do you mean the game's been canceled?!" Ian yelled at the ticket seller while an entire line of angry campers waited behind him, including the other Ramirezes, the Pines, and Haruko and Jinyu. "We've been camping out here since Thursday night; I had to pay for all my friends and family to come with my college fund!"
"Sorry, sir, but apparently, we had to shut the civic center down because there's some kind of ghost haunting the place." The seller explained. "Sources say it's some kinda large bean."
"A what now?" Gwen asked curiously. "Why is there a large bean stalking the civic center? Was it built on some sacred burial ground?"
"Nobody knows yet. For all we know, it could be some guy in a costume looking to scare people away for whatever reason." The seller replied.
"Well, guys, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands." Dipper declared. "Where should we start?"
"Ooh, I know who can help us solve this case!" Tyrone excitedly proposed. "The Harlem Globetrotters!" The rest of the gang stared blankly at Tyrone. "Come on, guys, they're supposed to be playing tonight, so maybe we can help them get the game back on track!"
"Tyrone, I hate to break it to you, but that is quite possibly the stupidest thing you ever said." Haruko bluntly said. "What makes you think the Globetrotters will just show up and ask for our help?" As if she spoke of the devil, Haruko began hearing Sweet Georgia Brown playing in the distance. "Oh my god, I am eating my words right now."
The Harlem Globetrotters' bus pulled up to the stadium, and out came the team itself, consisting of Hammer Harrison, Bulldog Mack, Thunder Law, Wham Middleton, Jet Rivers, and Hot Shot Swanson. "Now, what's this we hear about the game being canceled?" Hammer asked the group, only to be greeted by cheering fans. "Yes, it's us, the Harlem Globetrotters. Hold your applause."
"I can't believe it, the Harlem Globetrotters are here!" Tyrone squealed excitedly before presenting a basketball to the team. "Sign my basketball, name one of your children after me, let me donate my blood to you!"
"This is going to turn into an old Scooby-Doo cartoon in a hurry," Jinyu commented. "All that's missing is a cowardly dog."
Gwen then looked at Arnold. "What? What?"
Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons: Honor Among Geeks
"At long last, I shall finally have my revenge on the Pines family!" Probabilitor the Annoying declared as he threatened Gwen, Tyrone, and Arnold's lives. The Pines family and friends thought they would have a quiet night playing Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, until a bored Haruko's use of an infinity-sided dice made things go horribly wrong. "Give me the Sapphire Lute of the Phoenix, or I will eat the children's brains!"
"Give me head." Haruko curtly responded with her arms akimbo.
"You did not just say that!" Probabilitor yelled in shock.
"I absolutely did," Haruko replied with a smirk. "what are you going to do about it?"
"Uh, I'm still going to eat the kids' brains?" Probabilitor repeated awkwardly.
"Jinyu?" Haruko turned to Jinyu.
"Already on it." Jinyu said before she rolled the eight-sided die. Landing on a seven, the dice gave the Jazzmaster player a mighty flaming sword to fight the math wizard with.
Good Morning, Mister Pines
"Good morning, everyone. I'll be your science teacher for this semester." Dipper said to his students at Gravity Falls High, among which included Leia and Ezra. "My name is Mr. Mason Pines." he introduced himself while writing his name on the chalkboard. "But everyone calls me Dipper. You can call me whatever you like, though."
"So, can we call you Mr. Pen-" One student tried asking before Dipper stopped him in his tracks.
"NO! NONE OF THAT!" Dipper abruptly yelled. "Shame on you! Anyways, I'd like you all to pull out your textbooks and turn to page 18."
"Uh, Mr. Pines, there's a school bus headed straight for the wall." Ezra said while raising his hand. Dipper put down the textbook and looked out the window, where he found a familiar face driving a bus straight for him.
"EVERYBODY GET DOWN!" Dipper screamed and ducked for cover as the bus crashed through the wall before its driver stepped out.
"Hey, kids, wanna ditch this nerd and learn science the fun way?!" Haruko offered to Dipper's students while wearing a flashy dress with atom patterns and carrying a lizard around her shoulder.
"Yo, Mr. Pines, you didn't tell us you knew Miss Frizzle!" another student exclaimed in delight.
"Haruko, what are you doing?!" Dipper yelled. "You were supposed to be my teaching assistant, yet here you are, crashing a bus into my classroom!"
"Come on, Dippity-Doo, what were you going to do?" Haruko hissed cheekily. "Drone on and on about cellular biology or something?"
"I wanted to talk about theoretical physics!" Dipper replied before Leia put a hand on his back.
"Dipper, I hate to break it to ya, but we're still in high school," Leia stated. "I think theoretical physics might be a little too advanced for us right now."
"See, she understands me." Haruko agreed with Leia. "Now, who wants to go on a field trip through the human body?!"
"Please tell me this will be a normal field trip." Ezra prayed to the ceiling.
"With Miss Haruko?" the other students replied. "No way!"
"Bye, Mr. Penis!" the same student who tried calling Dipper a funny name earlier said as the teens piled onto Haruko's bus before it somehow shrank down to microscopic size, leaving Dipper all alone in the wrecked classroom.
"I'll be honest, I was kind of asking to be called that when I said my students can call me any name they want." Dipper soon realized, while unaware that Haruko's hijacked school bus had flown into his nose.
Mystery Shack Babies
"And now, for one final touch." Ian said as he and Canti finished installing a new toilet in the bathroom. "There we go, the new employee bathroom is open for business!"
"Hehe, business." Juan chuckled.
"So embarrassing." Aiko added, making Ian blush in embarrassment at the pun he unknowingly made.
"So where did you say you found this toilet, Ian?" Soos asked his oldest son.
"Found it at some plumbing shop of horrors where the owner said it was connected to an ancient treasure," Ian replied to his father. "I'm not sure; he was pretty cloak-and-dagger when he sold it to me."
"Outta the way, I gotta go take a shit," Haruko said as she stepped into the new and improved bathroom with a newspaper in hand. "That burrito bowl from last night isn't being very kind to me."
"Just don't clog the toilet." Ian said while the Vespa Woman shut the bathroom door behind her.
"Hey Ian, what ancient treasure did that toilet seller say this was connected to?" Dipper asked Ian.
"He wasn't really clear about that other than Ponce de Leon found it." Ian answered, making Dipper's eyes widen in shock.
"Ian, did you just buy the Fountain of Youth?!" Dipper yelled as he grabbed the eldest Ramirez son by the shoulders and violently shook him.
"No, I think I bought the Toilet of Youth," Ian replied. "I'm going to assume that nothing good will come out of this, right?"
Suddenly, there was a loud yell as Haruko screamed in pain from how much waste she was letting into the toilet. She was correct; that burrito bowl didn't agree with her. When the screaming stopped, the two men heard her try to flush the toilet as her way of christening it.
"Haruko, did you clog the toilet?" Dipper asked from outside the bathroom. "Whatever you do, do not flush it all down!"
"Too late, I think it's all coming back up," Haruko replied. "Everyone, get ready for my poop!" Soon, the entire Mystery Shack was flooded with dirty toilet water erupting from the bathroom, consuming everyone in its wake as they nearly drowned in Haruha's disgusting excrement.
When the water settled and disappeared, Dipper slowly opened his eyes as he lay on the floor. "This has got to be the grossest thing that has ever happened to me, other than that one time I found out how Sammy Determined spends his weekends." He then noticed something. "Hey guys, does my voice sound different to you? I sound like a prepubescent kid again."
"Speak for yourself, Dippee." Haruko said as she stepped out of the wrecked bathroom, now the approximate size of a twelve-year-old girl herself with her hair a dull brown color.
"What's all the commotion about?" Stan asked as he and Ford, now also twelve years old as a result of the water, entered the hallway. "And why do I smell like I just died?"
"Guys, I think this water turned us all into kids!" Dipper exclaimed as he looked around to find that Mabel, Jinyu, Pacifica, Wendy, Soos, and Melody had all been turned into children. At the same time, Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, Ian, Leia, Juan, Jorge, Imelda, Abby, and Aiko were all transformed into babies and toddlers. The only ones who didn't seem to be affected were Stan Jr. and Canti.
"Oh no, I don't wanna relive my awkward teenage years!" Ford screamed in horror. "We have to find a way to change back!"
"Calm down, everybody. I'm sure we can find a solution." Jinyu said while trying to keep the toddler Gwen from crawling away. "One of us has to go back to the plumbing store and tell the owner what happened. Maybe he can help us. In the meantime, somebody has to play babysitter." Everybody then looked at Canti, who started blushing while twiddling his thumbs.
Sailor Vespa and The Masked Mosquito!
"We have acquired for you as much money as the bank could offer us before the police arrived." Tubby the Sumo Yakuza said as he and his cohorts dropped everything they robbed onto the desk of their shadowy boss. "We await your further instructions, sir."
"Excellent work, Tubby." The figure said, turning around in his chair to reveal the elderly Preston Northwest, kept alive for years through a combination of cybernetic enhancements and a burning hatred of the Pines family for ruining his life. Now, he lives his new life as one of the most powerful criminal kingpins in Oregon, and will not rest in peace till he gets the revenge he craves. "This will do very nicely. Now then, were you three followed?"
Just then, the wall behind Preston exploded, and behind it came a woman striking a pose in a revealing sailor fuku with a golden tiara on her head, red knee-high boots, and elbow-length gloves. "Stop right there, evildoers!" the woman declared. "I am the pretty guardian who fights for love and justice! I am Sailor Vespa! And in the name of the moon, I'll punish you!"
"To answer your question, dude, yes. Yes, we were." Bloat, the blonde sumo yakuza, muttered nervously before another figure appeared from the shadows to take him by surprise. "WHOA!" he yelled as an armored woman hoisted him over her head and tossed him to the ground. "And who are you?!"
"I am the emissary of hell, the Masked Mosquito!" the woman in the bug-like armor introduced herself before she noticed Sailor Vespa staring angrily at her. "Haruko, what are you wearing?"
"What am I wearing? What are you wearing, Jinyu?!" Haruko complained to Jinyu. "We were supposed to be Sailor Scouts together, you promised! I even planned for you to be Sailor Jupiter and everything!"
"For your information, I'm taking precautions to hide my secret identity," Jinyu replied stoically while removing her helmet to critique Haruko's superhero costume further. "You're not even bothering to wear a mask to hide your double life. It's practically asking for villains to threaten your loved ones, or for your loved ones to get unreasonably angry at you for trying to protect them."
"Oh no, you don't have room to talk here, Jinny!" Haruko started bickering with her found older sister. "You certainly got the mask, but did you ever think about changing your voice?!"
"Do not change the subject here, Haru!" Jinyu argued back as Preston and the Sumo Yakuza watched the two guitar players yell at each other.
"So, are we just going to stand here and watch, or should one of us do something?" the dark-skinned sumo Volumuous muttered awkwardly.
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, JACKASS!" the Vespa Twins yelled before returning to their argument.
"This has been a huge waste of my time," Preston said with a facepalm. "Boys, capture these two girls and hold them for ransom."
"Yes, sir!" the Sumo Yakuza obeyed and prepared to overwhelm the bickering Vespa Twins.
"And another thing, my ass looks great in this tiny skirt!" Haruko declared while pulling up her miniskirt and mooning Jinyu. "I've been working out with Leia and Tyrone lately, and I did so many squats! Just look at this firm bubble butt! LOOK AT IT!"
"Is that why you wanted to be in the sailor uniform, to flash your butt in that skirt?" Jinyu moaned in disgust. "You're disgusting. My skirt is pretty short, but at least I cover up underneath!"
Just as the Sumo Yakuza were about to capture the bickering superheroines, another hero descended from the sky and crashed through the roof in a three-point landing. It was Canti, dressed in a bright red costume with green tights and a yellow cape hanging off his back, here to save Haruko and Jinyu from danger.
"Look, it's my lovable sidekick, Canti the Bot Wonder!" Haruko cheered for Canti as he swiftly took out the three sumos before seeing Jinyu glare back at her. "Oh, come on, you know I couldn't resist a pun like that! Sue me!"
The Little Greenhouse of Horrors
"Let my friends go, Twoey!" Juan defiantly said to his man-eating planet, Aiko II. He had initially bought the strange little plant from a mysterious flower shop to give to Aiko on their upcoming date. What he didn't realize was that not only was Aiko II sentient, but he also craved human flesh and was an alien sent down to conquer the Earth, who planned on starting with Gravity Falls.
"Sorry, kiddo, you brought me into this world, and now you gotta pay the price!" Aiko II declared with an evil laugh as he had the Pines, Juan's parents and siblings, and Aiko wrapped in his vines, ready to be eaten. "Now then, which one of you is gonna feed me?!"
"I don't know who's in even bigger trouble, Juan for unleashing this monstrosity or us if we get eaten!" Melody cried while trying to free herself from the vines. Just then, she heard a car skid to a halt in front of the plant, and out of it came Haruko, Jinyu, Canti, and Masurao, ready to help Juan save the day.
"Raharu, you came from space. Do you have a clue what this plant is from?" Masurao shouted as he raced to free his daughter from Aiko II's clutches.
"Not sure, but one thing's for certain," Haruko answered while readying her bass. "that thing's a mean green mother from outer space!"
"Whatever that creature is, it must be stopped before it can spread to the rest of the world," Jinyu added bravely before she was taken by surprise and tied up by Twoey's vines.
"Ooh, more snacks!" Aiko II cheered as he began holding everyone but Canti hostage. "Though, I could do without the robot. I've got enough iron in my blood as is."
The Only Murders in the Mystery Shack
"Thank you for gathering, everybody," Ford said as he sat down in Stan's old chair with a deerstalker cap on his head and a pipe in his hand while everybody else stood around the dead body of one Jim Bono laid out under a blanket. "As I'm sure you know, this was intended to be a fun mystery party celebrating the anniversary of the beloved series Ducktective, but it seems someone in this house is a murderer, and me, Ezra, and Imelda have taken it upon themselves to find the culprit."
Imelda then laid out the evidence the trio had collected thus far in their investigation. "Now we know for a fact that our murderer is a shoe-size 11 and was last seen in the museum carrying some kind of musical instrument. So immediately, that puts Haruko and Jinyu on our lists of suspects."
"I swear, I'm innocent!" Haruko yelled in fright. "I was in the bathroom when Jim was murdered!"
"Then care to explain this?" Ezra asked while presenting Haruko's Rickenbacker to the group. Haruko started sweating nervously as her eyes darted around the room. "You're probably the only one here who is most seen with this object."
"If so, then whose fingerprints are these?!" Haruko declared, pulling out a magnifying glass to reveal Jinyu's fingerprints on the neck of the guitar. "Care to explain this, Jinyu?"
"You are correct, Raharu." Jinyu nodded. "I felt like writing a song with your bat, but I hardly recall ever using it as a murder weapon."
"Uh, can't we just go to Stan's office and check the security tapes?" Gwen suggested.
"No can do, Gwen," Imelda answered. "Our mystery murderer must've shut down the security cameras to keep us off their trail, so we're stuck until further notice."
While everyone else continued debating over the identity of the murderer, one odd-looking party guest turned away with a nefarious look on his face while his eyes glowed a peculiar blue color.
Don't Be Averse, Reverse
"Nothing about this mirror universe makes even half a lick of sense!" Dipper yelled angrily at his and Gwen's evil alternate-universe counterparts. "Like, for example, why are you an evil version of me who also happens to be Gideon? You're either an evil me or an alternate Gideon, so pick one!"
"Actually, we have a Gideon in this universe." Reverse Dipper said smugly.
"And he's just as obnoxiously nosy as you are." Reverse Gwen, a full-on emo kid compared to her good counterpart, added with a scoff, prompting Reverse Dipper to casually slap his daughter in the face.
"Hey, stop hitting your daughter like that!" Gwen barked.
"Why should I stop? She's used to it." Reverse Dipper asked before turning away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have other, more intelligent people to talk to."
"I am too intelligent!" Dipper yelled at his mirror counterpart and began chasing after him. "You get back here and say it to my face!"
Mabel, on the other hand, was not having any luck with her alternate-universe counterpart. "Look, lady, I may have been boy-crazy when I was younger, but you're a straight-up creep!"
"Oh, come on, it's not my fault I'm surrounded by such adorable boys." Reverse Mabel replied before amorously licking her lips at Tyrone and Arnold. "Besides, Will Cipher gave us the power to do whatever we want before we made him our slave."
"I NEED AN ADULT!" Arnold shrieked at an evil version of his mother coming onto him.
"Does it still count as stranger danger if the stranger looks exactly like your mom?" Tyrone wondered aloud.
Meanwhile, Haruko and Jinyu stood in the mindscape before what they discovered to be an alternate version of the Pines family's long-deceased arch-nemesis, Bill Cipher. However, this version of Bill was entirely unlike the one they had heard about from Dipper and Ford. While the main universe Bill was an ominous yellow and a total sociopath with a twisted sense of humor, this Bill was blue to match his scared, awkward personality.
"You're kidding. This is Bill Cipher?" Haruko scoffed in disbelief. "He looks like the kind of guy I'd kick into the stratosphere for how tiny and pathetic he is."
"My name's not Bill, it's Will! Will Cipher." The other Bill introduced himself while looking like he was on the verge of tears. "The Pines family summoned me years ago to make me their slave, and I thought they wanted to be my friend, but I've done nothing but do horrible things for them, and they give me nothing in return!"
"So what you're saying is that you never meant to hurt anyone, and you're actually a lonely chaos god of ultimate power?" Haruko replied. "Makes perfect sense to me!"
"No, Haruko, don't trust him!" Jinyu cautioned Haruko. "I know he may seem innocent, but Dipper told me how cruel Bill Cipher is. No matter the universe, he is always the same monster."
"You're not like the Haruko and Jinyu of this universe." Will stated before looking over to what the Vespa Twins assumed to be their counterparts. The alternate Haruko was perfectly demure and withdrawn, while her version of Jinyu acted more like a rabid animal than a woman. "They don't wanna play with me because they think I'm scary."
"Don't fall for his lies!" the reverse Jinyu barked like a mad dog.
"The other me is right, don't become his friend!" the prime Jinyu begged her sister.
"You know, the funny thing is that I know he's playing me," Haruko stated. "but I also want to see what it's like shaking hands with a dream demon." She then turned to Will and held out her hand. "How about it, Willy? Would you like to be friends with me?"
"You really mean it?" Will replied with an adorable look in his eye, but Jinyu could sense the slightest bit of malice behind that eye as Haruko and Will shook hands. "Thank you, best friend."
Unfortunately for Haruko, and quite possibly everyone else, no one expected what would happen next. "Haruko, Jinyu, where are you guys?" Dipper said as he entered the tent. "We gotta find a way out of here and far away from that insufferable smartass. Surely, the Ford of this universe built his own portal to other universes." However, he stopped in place upon hearing an ominous laugh. "No, that can't be! You're supposed to be dead!"
"Wow, making people think I was some misunderstood cutie pie was easier than I thought!" Will cackled as Haruko turned around to reveal that her yellow eyes were replaced with blue ones that had black slits for pupils, indicating that Will had possessed her. "Now that I finally have a body, I can finally finish what my dumbass brother Bill started and kill the Pines family!"
"Wait, Bill is your brother?! Bill has a brother?!" Dipper yelled. "Who even are you?!"
"His name is Will Cipher," Jinyu said as Will-Haruko held her by the neck. "If you thought Bill Cipher was a monster, you haven't seen anything yet."
COMING SOON...MAYBE!
WE'LL SEE WHAT MY SCHEDULE IS LIKE.