Chapter 14: Serenity

Memories from the October of his first year at Hogwarts remained with Harry throughout his life. No matter the triumphs, the conquests, the adventures, the camaraderie, the love or the grand magic of his later life, in the silence between moments his thoughts remained in that month with Hagrid, Fang, the hut, his valise, the autumn chill and the Forbidden Forest.

Hagrid remained forever more the only adult that Harry trusted and cared for. Despite the chill in their relations after the Dumbledore Incident at the end of this second year, Harry never forgot his soft spot for the gentle giant who returned the affection.

When Harry returned to the Gryffindor tower after being suspended he was greeted by the suspicious and fearful stares of his housemates.

'Heard he beat a kid into pulp'

'... beat him like a muggle'

'...just out of the blue!'

'... Evil like I've never seen'

'... Heard he was raised by Muggles'

'... Barbaric'

'who know what really happened that night'

Harry snorted when one particularly gossipy fourth year refused to meet his eyes. He disdained cowardice.

The only one who seemed ready to meet his gaze who was seated behind a plethora of books at one of the study tables and was glowering at him.

He smiled a broad smile at her, waved and proclaimed loudly, "Hi Hermione, alright?"

The Gryffindor denizens all seemed to turn to state at Granger in unison. The bushy-haired girl went as red as a tomato and ducked her head without replying. Chortling, Harry made his way up the stairs.

Up in the first year boys' dorm, Harry's roommates except for Longbottom had assembled. Their whispered conversation stopped abruptly when he walked in.

They looked as frightened of him as the ones in the common room had. But instead of looking away, they gaped at him like dolts.

Harry ignored them and began to stuff his few possessions that were strewn on his bed into his valise. He would sort out the mess later once he was settled in at Hagrid's.

Someone coughed, Harry ignored it. The person coughed again. He turned at looked at the threesome standing clustered together as if for security.

It was Weasley who asked the question in a quavering voice, "So you've been expelled then?"

Harry stared at him and expected the red-haired boy to wilt. But surprisingly Weasley seemed to just be expecting an answer.

"No I've just been suspended."

"Oh…well that's good I suppose," Weasley responded lamely.

"Good?" Harry repeated incredulously. He would have thought that Weasley would have been the first one to want him out of the door.

Weasley nodded and said seriously, "You were just standing up for Neville against that…that slimeball. They can't expel you for that!"

Harry was surprised by the sentiment which Seamus also seemed to share although Dean looked like he disagreed.

"Thanks I guess."

Weasley nodded, "No problem mate. So you headed back to London?"

Harry shook his head partly in reply to the question and partly due to the surreal conversation. "Hagrid's putting me up for the month."

He finished stuffing his valise and then glanced at the boys who were still observing him from the same position.

"Well see ya I guess," Harry said awkwardly.

"Yeah mate see ya," Weasley nodded. "Don't worry Granger will help you with your work once you're back."

Seamus snorted at that, "Just try'n stop her, the mad bint."

The three boys laughed at that. Harry took the chance to slip out while muttering to himself 'bonkers, utterly bonkers.'

(Break)

It was drizzling by the time Harry reached Hagrid's hut.

"Down Fang, down boy. Down you mangy mutt!" Harry heard from behind the thick wooden door. It creaked open to reveal a panting Hagrid struggling to hold his boardhound back.

"Come in 'arry, yer gettin' soaked out there. Oh no! Sorry 'arry!"

Fang, took advantage of Hagrid's momentary lapse in concentration and leaped at Harry who had just studied into the hut.

"Oof!" Harry collapsed onto his back as the boarhound landed on top of him.

"Geroff me," he struggled to push the massive dog off of him. A dog that was lathering his face in smelly slobber.

"Right. Off!" Hagrid saved Harry finally by grasping the boarhound across his torso and lifting him bodily up and away.

"Up yer get 'arry, that's a good lad."

Harry lifted himself off the ground and finally gave in to his urge to shake himself vigorously. Accumulated rainwater and slobber flung itself everywhere.

"So yer 'ere!" Hagrid announced with a smile on his face. "Course can't agree with what yer did with that Malfoy boy."

Hagrid tried to look stern but came across confused instead. He stroked his beard and said thoughtfully, "But I can understand ye. If the lad is anything like Malfoy senior I'd be tempted ta give him a walloping myself I reckon."

Then perhaps realising that he ought not to be encouraging violence, he cleared his throat, "But violence is never the answer as Perfessor Dumbledore always says."

Harry nodded, not wanting the awkward monologue to continue.

Hagrid clapped his hands loudly and his face cleared, "Right well that's that! Let's see about getting yer dry, fed and settled."

Hagrid's hut was nothing as shabby as it looked on the outside. It was lit by a roaring fire as well as lamps that were placed at several points along the walls and pillars. He seemed to use the fire to cook as well from the looks of it, but there were no odd smells or liquids near the fire place. The pantry seemed well stocked to the point of overflowing. The windows were quite large and were clean albeit covered in condensation. The furniture was all oddly rough and misshapen though. Almost as if it had been handmade. Harry looked at Hagrid and decided that the furniture had in fact been handmade.

"So," Hagrid drew Harry's attention, "this is where you can sleep. Set it up fer ye myself."

Hagrid was pointing to a small cot pushed against the far wall with the footboard near the fire place. It was covered in thick fluffy sheets and a cozy looking quilt.

"Er actually…" Harry wanted to tell Hagrid that he planned to stay in his valise. But then he caught sight of Hagrid's earnest look and decided that the man had so graciously made a separate bed for Harry that the least he could do was make sure his efforts weren't in vain.

"It's brilliant Hagrid. Thanks," Harry smiled a small smile. Hagrid looked pleased as a punch.

(Break)

All Harry's plans of conquering magic by self study during his one month suspension went completely out of the window the next day.

It turned out that Hagrid very much considered him an employee for the duration of his stay. That first morning saw Harry feeding scraps of offal and meat to a herd of Hippogriffs, chimeric creatures with the front portion of an eagle and the back of a horses.

Hagrid had to spend the first half an hour of that experience explaining the nitty gritties of Hippogriff egoes.

"Righ' e's accepted ye 'arry. Just rise back up slowly. That's it, that's a good lad."

The smell of the offal was awful of course but the companionship of the friendly Hippogriffs who were particularly insistent that he scratch each of them behind their ear holes more than made up for it.

In the afternoon Hagrid insisted that Harry accompany him into the Forbidden Forest to see if they could discovery what was scaring the unicorns.

"Skittish creatures 'arry but not like this. Never like this. Something's got' em worried I'm telling yer. Werewolves maybe?"

"There are werewolves in the forest!" Harry shouted in alarm.

"They've been known to be," Hagrid replied nonchalantly.

Later Harry would consider these forays into the forest removed from the severe anxiety associated with his supposed proximity to werewolves and realise just how much about tracking and wild animal behaviour he had learned from the giant.

The night of the first day saw Harry responsible for the care of an orphan baby Niffler who fidgeted this way and that in Hagrid's giant hands but seemingly settled down when a curious Harry offered to hold her.

The little baby was the cutest thing that Harry had ever seen in his life. Her eyes were yet to fully open. She was no more than 4 inches laid lengthwise but warmth radiated from her soft down into his hand. He held up cupped in his left hand as he dropped warm milk into her open mouth from a spoon in his right hand. She mewled happily and wriggled after every third drop.

"She likes yer 'arry. Yer a natural at this," Hagrid said from somewhere to Harry's side. The giant was standing over an old ragged curtain with his umbrella in his hand. Every now and then he would spot a hole in the curtain and poke it with his umbrella mumbling under his breath. There would be a zap followed more often than not by Hagrid's frustrated grumbling. After one such occasion the giant caught Harry looking at him.

"It's me…umbrella yer see. Doesn't quite work like it's supposed ter," he said gesturing at the implement which admittedly contained pieces of Hagrid's broken wand. Harry resisted rolling his eyes.

"Don't worry about it Hagrid. I know how to sew. I'll do it by hand once this little lady's asleep."

"Yer a good lad 'arry. Just like yer mum 'n' da'."

Harry smiled as the warmth from his hand spread to his chest. He didn't tell Hagrid that his mum had never been a lad.

(Break)

There was something magical about the Scottish Highlands, Harry had decided. Not in the in-your-face way that Hogwarts or Diagon Alley were magical. No, the Highlands were magical in a more essential and ethereal way. They spoke of an unknown era of mythology and tragedy that you could get a sense of but never really know. In late October the rain was near continuous. But it didn't fall like it was attacking as it did in London. Rather, it sort of hung in the air and coated everything in a sheen of moisture without making a pitter-patter.

Harry's time was spent shoveling shit, feeding strange creatures and looking after the bundle of cute energy who he had decided to creatively name Mumbles after her soft mewling mumbles. He had not even had time to consider it before the bottom-wiggling Niffler baby had wormed her way into his heart.

Mumbles had taken to roaming around by her own in surprisingly short time. She stayed within sight of Harry at all times but was becoming more and more inquisitive. She had a particular fascination with Fang and had taken to adopting his mannerisms in an adorable and hilarious way. Despite her best efforts however, she could never imitate Fang's barks and growls and was limited to cute mewls.

"Ye gotta let 'er be 'arry. She knows what she's up ter," Hagrid told him one evening as Harry chased around after Mumbles near the Hippogriff enclosure.

"She's so little though. She'll get caught underfoot."

"Nah she'll be fine. Don't ya worry. Intelligent little things Nifflers are. Anyways animal young got much better instincts than human babies."

Hagrid was a man of surprisingly few words. In the cold nights as they sat companionably in front of the roaring fire with Fang resting his head on Harry's lap and sniffing loudly and twitching as he watched Mumbles devour bottles of milk with relish, he either hummed some unknown melody or regaled Harry with the doings of his various animal friends.

"And then I offered up a shank o' meat to the ol' Hebridean and she nearly bit me own arm off along with it," Hagrid chuckled and Harry stared at him wondering yet again if he was a few pence short of a pound.

It was a glorious time and all thoughts of the past, of Hogwarts, of magic were left behind. Simple old Hagrid was, Harry found himself pondering one evening, the luckiest person in a village full of superhumans.

The peace was broken one night as Hagrid returned much later than normal. He looked drawn out and tense. His face was set in a frown.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, instantly halting his play with Mumbles who mewled sadly and pathetically.

Hagrid stomped over to the coat rack and deposited his sodden overcoat. He grabbed a tumbler and poured himself a peg of firewhiskey, chugging it down. Harry had rarely seen him drink.

When Hagrid had finally settled down in front of the fire still clutching a half full tumbler, Harry asked again, "What's wrong Hagrid?"

Hagrid didn't reply for many minutes. Harry felt agitated and more than a little disgruntled but he knew the right thing to do was to wait for the Big Man to speak.

"Summat's hurtin' the unicorns," Hagrid whispered hoarsely staring into the fire.

"Okay…" Harry drawled in confusion. "There are wild beasts in the forest."

Hagrid shook his head, which shook his body and sent the whiskey flying about.

"Nah. Weren't a beast. Found a young mare. Bruised she were. Aroun' the snout and back. A long thin cut in her hindquarters. Like from a knife…or a cuttin' curse."

Harry pondered that for a while. Why was Hagrid looking so haggard?

"I mean some of those Slytherins are dirty bastards," Harry offered.

Hagrid shook his head again, "Nah. Not even the Death Eaters would hurt a unicorn. Unicorns are pure creatures. No' much worse than hurting a unicorn. Cursed it is. Magic don' like it ye see."

Harry didn't have anything to say after that. It chilled him that there was presumably a person nearby who knew that hurting a unicorn was hated by Magic itself and did it anyway. All of a sudden the thick walls of Hagrid's hut didn't seem quite thick enough. He hugged Mumbles closer to himself.

(Break)

The oddest incident happened a few days before Harry's suspension was to end. He was chopping some firewood outside Hagrid's Hut when he noticed two small figures winding their way alongside the banks of the Lake and approaching him.

He stopped what he was doing and watched as Neville Longbottom and the mousy female Gryffindor in their year, whose name he couldn't recall, walked up to him looking trepidatious.

He noticed that they came to a stop a good six feet away from him and the girl seemed to shrink behind Neville who was himself looking behind Harry rather than meeting his eyes.

"Al…alright Harry?" Neville broached.

Harry curled an eyebrow and harrumphed in response. Neville seemed to lose some more of his courage and began to stammer.

"J…j…ust…you know…Fay…and we just…we…I was in the Hospital ... .thought we'd come…and you know."

"I'm not getting you Neville," Harry replied simply.

"Nev wanted to come and thank you," the girl said from behind Neville, looking at Harry challengingly. It caught Harry by surprise, he would have thought for sure that she would avoid talking at all. Yet, her voice was steady and she didn't shy away from his considering gaze.

"And you? What'd you come for?" he demanded from her.

"I'm his friend," she replied simply without missing a beat.

Harry considered them for a while before slamming the axe into the chopping block. Neville jumped slightly at the sudden 'thud'. Mumbles mewled and clambered up Harry's clothes, over his shoulder and then deftly slid into his robes. She poked her head out of the opening at his chest and mewled again.

"Alright, you better come in I suppose. Hagrid's out meeting the Centaurs. I don't think he'd mind me taking a short tea break."

Harry led them into the hut. He gestured to the comfortable seats near the fire and vaguely grunted that they should seat themselves. He was a dab hand at preparing tea. A leftover experience from a nightmare. He had also managed to convince Hagrid that his infamous rock cakes could do with a bit more milk and a bit more whisking of the batter. They were more loam cakes than rock cakes now. They tasted alright, especially dunked in Harry's tea.

Once Harry had finished laying out the tea and cakes for his guests, he settled down on a spare seat himself. Mumbles clambered out and hopped from his knee onto the table, swiping a big chunk of his own cake.

"Oi! You just had a meal an hour ago - you greedy little thing."

Mumbles whined loudly at his insult and he had to pat her on her head consolingly, "Alright alright don't cry. I was just teasing you."

"That's a baby Niffler!" the girl exclaimed. "He's so cute."

"She."

"What?"

"She's a she not a he," Harry clarified gruffly.

"Oh right. Is she yours?"

At this Harry went silent but so did Mumbles. She turned to look at him with such big eyes that he finally conceded, "Yeah I suppose she is."

"Lucky…" he heard the girl whisper and he snorted.

They sat in silence, sipping their teas and nibbling on their cakes.

"So Neville…and what's your name again?" he asked the girl.

"I'm Fay Dunbar. I'm in Gryffindor with you, you know."

She said it matter-of-factly and didn't look offended at his lack of knowledge about her.

"Yeah, I know you are. Couldn't remember your name could I. Anyway, why are you lot here again?"

"Well you see," Neville began, spilling some of his tea as he fidgeted. "I wanted to say…come and say thanks…I mean thank you…you know for the thing with Malfoy."

Harry nodded as he replied, "Well alright, but to be fair I didn't wallop him for you."

Neville nodded furiously, "Yes I…know…but still…that's what it looked like to people. And it was the best thing ever…he's just…he's always on my case you know."

"Yeah I know. What is it with him anyway? His fucking dad got weaselled his way out of prison, and here he is acting the prick."

Both Neville and Fay gaped at Harry' casual cursing but eventually the former gathered himself, "He tells everyone I'm a squib…I mean…that's what my grandmother thought as well…but I'm here now. Aren't I?"

Fay patted Neville on the shoulder and whispered some soothing words. Harry felt a mixture of pity and contempt well up inside him at the sight. He wanted to rush up, grab Neville by the scruff of his neck and shake him thoroughly for being so pitiful. He gulped down his anger with a bit of tea.

"So when he taunts you why don't you give it to him back?" he asked Neville flatly.

Neville genuinely looked horrified at the prospect, " How could I do that?"

Harry scoffed at him, "Cuss his dad, his mum, his grandparents. Call him an inbred ponce. Call his dad a Death Eater and a coward. Call his mum a slag. Punch him, kick him. Hell you grew up in the magical world didn't ya? Hex him, curse him. Fucking do something!"

Harry was shouting at the end and Neville had a wild scared look on his face. Harry breathed deeply and looked away. Mumbles whined at him and he patted her head absently, "It's nothing, eat my cake."

There was silence again.

"I'm not like you," Neville whispered.

"I wasn't like me either," Harry replied softly without looking at either of them. "Then I realised. You have to get up. Get up and fight."

He turned to the two Gryffindors now, a fire inside him. "I spent a few weeks just digging through the history of the war, you know. I know about my parents, your parents…so many other families. You know what the main difference between the Death Eaters and normal people is?"

"They're evil?" Fay asked.

Harry shook his head, "No…that's not the main one. It's that they weren't scared to fight, to punish, to use violence."

"Violence is never the answer," Neville replied immediately. "Dumbledore always says that."

Harry shook his head again, "He's wrong. And he's a hypocrite if he believes that. You know his history don't you? Beat Grindelwald. Didn't beat him at gobstones did he? No…beat him in a duel. Where would we be if Dumbledore hadn't taken up arms?"

The fire crackled as Harry watched Neville and Fay consider his words.

"Think about it. I got a suspension and some bruises. But Malfoy learned a big lesson. You watch, he'll stay away from us from now on. He'll taunt us behind our backs only."

The two guests didn't say anything. Except, as Neville was leaving he turned hesitantly to Harry and repeated, "I'm not like you." He didn't sound as sure the second time.

(BREAK)

On the 31st of October, Harry was despondent. Mumbles and Hagrid noticed his mood and both tried to cheer him up in their own ways. Eventually though, Hagrid seemed to give up and asked him outright.

"Alrigh' no' 'arry? What's got you down since mornin'? Ye should be chippah, yer back with ter classes tomorrow."

Harry shook his head.

Hagrid came over and rested a hand on his shoulders. "Come on son, tell me what's the matter?" He said it with so much care, that Harry's eyes watered.

"Today's the day…you know, my parents." He couldn't continue as he choked up. He steadfastly kept looking at his shoes.

"Oh…oh no," Hagrid replied simply. Hagrid's efforts at cheering Harry seemed to have collapsed but he spoke up after a while.

"Me own da' passed when I was in Hogwarts."

Harry looked up at him in surprise.

Hagrid nodded sadly, " Mum was….well I never knew her. Me da' was the only family I had. It was hard…still is."

Harry asked brokenly, "Does it get better?"

"It does, in its own way. It's like a wound that scabs over. Ye see it and ye remem'er how much it hurt in the beginnin'. But the pain is dull. Ye can go on."

Harry said nothing, just looked down as the pain grew.

"There's this ritual I do fer me da' every year. Reckon it won't hurt to do it twice a year ye know. Maybe we could do it fer Lily and James too?"

Harry nodded and smiled at the big man tremulously.

That evening, in the early darkness of Samhain, the pair of them lit a small fire. They had created a small altar with wicker figures to stand for Hagrid's dad and Harry's parents. Hagrid regaled Harry with stories of his diminutive father who had taken to riding on his son's shoulders and of Harry's prankster father and clever mother. He told the wicker figures of James and Lily that they should be proud of their hard-working and humble son. Harry didn't say a word, but when Hagrid had gone to the hut to fetch them hot chocolates he whispered to the figures.

"Mum, dad I'm alright now. Don't worry about me. And I've got Mumbles to look after me." The Niffler warbled proudly from her makeshift pouch. Harry laughed-sniffled.

He turned to the figure of Hagrid's father and whispered, "Thank you Mr. Hagrid. Your son is the kindest person I've met. You must be very proud of him. Don't tell him I told you that."

He was just stepping away from the figures hastily as he sensed Hagrid approaching when a sudden bright white light approached them from the Castle.

Harry watched, mouth agape as a blazing white spectral bird with long tail feathers approached them swiftly. He was even more shocked when the bird spoke in Dumbledore's voice, "Hagrid! We need you in the Great Hall immediately. Bring your crossbow!"