A/N: There may be more than one way to interpret that sentence from the recent chapter but in this fic it's this one.
ONE-SHOT 5: FIRST AND LAST
The last conversation Luffy and Dragon ever shared alone, was on the deck of the Sunny while everyone else was on the island.
Warnings: Angst
The scraping of Jinbe's boots against snow soon faded into the distance, and then it was all of a sudden just the two of them.
Dragon had asked to stay behind, with no expectations of who would join him, or at all. So it had come as a surprise, when Luffy, who liked adventuring more than anyone, voluntarily asked the same thing, and had even insisted on it. They'd said even that Luffy liked winter islands, and all he'd done was grin and agree. Apparently Nami had been of the same mind as him when she had asked if he was sick. He'd denied it. He didn't look sick, either.
Despite how normal it was after, with how everyone was smiling and laughing, including Luffy, the whole thing lingered on Dragon's mind without him being able to shake it off. He may have just wanted to be responsible for once, he had something to do, maybe he liked the view from here. Surely anything than wanting to be on the same ship as a father like him.
Luffy was sitting on the figurehead which was facing the sea. He liked sitting there, Dragon had gathered that much from sailing along with them. He was appropriately bundled, although he never changed out of his shorts. It was a puzzle, but no more than some other parts of him, like why he'd been the person the world was waiting for. Compared to things like that… it wasn't surprising then his legs weren't cold.
His hand tentatively rested on the railing. It was clear to him that if he wasn't going to be the one to go to him, then no words would be spoken between them presuming that the others didn't take too long. Not because Luffy avoided talking to him, but because they were the only ones here. It would be optimistic to think that it was because he had something on his mind.
So Dragon turned away from the railing with just one last moment of hesitation and stopped at a place where he was near and could still see the same glittery blue his son did, just so maybe he could pick up a hint of his thoughts.
It was vocalised, sooner than he expected. "Hey Dad, do you know if Iva-chan's hormones leave any side-effects?"
That was sudden, but more than that, it had him concentrated on his back, a bit of frustration seeping in when all he could see was coat and beanie. He remembered, of course he did, Luffy and Ivan escaping Impel Down together, all to save a brother he never knew about. Impel Down wasn't widely-considered impenetrable for nothing, it had layers that the navy modelled after hell itself, it had Magellan, who could've killed Luffy twice over if not for…
"None, if used wisely. He knows very well the possible side-effects. If overused, they may even be deadly," he said carefully, not wanting to push it when he wasn't sure if Luffy would continue.
But all he did was hum. A noncommittal noise, and despite the nonchalance, it had Dragon continue before he thought any better of it.
"Luffy, that war was between forces far beyond your strength at the time. And still, you went and participated in it—"
"I really don't care what you say." Dragon took a step forward, but before he could do anything else— "I wanted to save Ace more than anything else, even if it meant that I'd die. Ace was my brother ever since I was seven — he and Sabo were the best older brothers I could ever ask for. And Ace was the one I spent every day with for seven years."
It felt like every word struck him physically. And every blow left him stinging. Of course, everyone but he had accompanied Luffy throughout his life, brothers that he never knew of, a crew that he gathered all on his own. He had gone to save his sworn brother whose execution was all over the news, without Dragon's knowledge or having even an inclination that he would, a foreboding — and he had only been aware when the war was broadcasted, when Sengoku finally named him as Luffy's father in front of the whole world.
Luffy had went in alone, with nobody to guide him and a mountain of luck that he'd managed to meet with Ivan and somehow enlist his help. He'd been able to rally together so many prisoners on his side to get to Marineford, but Dragon had seen his state after, had known exactly the possibility of the unimaginable happening. Even before the burn from Sakazuki, there'd been countless injuries from everyone who'd attacked him simply for being his son…
"I didn't even remember my crew when I woke up," Luffy said, his voice low.
"How many times," Dragon dared to voice, "were you on the brink of death?"
Luffy's answer came fast. "I didn't care if I died."
No, in fact… "You don't care." Not from the way he fought, certainly not in Thriller Bark… "You're a captain and you'd leave your crew without one."
Luffy whirled around, and he finally saw his face then, expression without any of its warmth— "Because what kind of a captain would I be if I let anyone die?" His tone abrasive, he dropped his hands to his side and didn't look at anything but his eyes.
So Dragon didn't look away, drank in the visage of his son he'd deprived himself of for all of his nineteen years when he said, "Your swordsman offered his head on a platter in exchange for yours. You are Sabo's only priority that's higher than revolution. And I would have turned myself in and let the World Government have their way with me if it meant you were unharmed."
Luffy noticeably took in a breath, like the wind had been knocked out of him. He'd spilled too many secrets in his haste; he could only hope that they were things Luffy knew already. What made him wary, or maybe even feared, was how he'd react to his own, one that he never thought he'd reveal to his own son, not after he'd already gained notoriety separate from himself. Not after he'd become pirate king.
"I didn't even know you were still alive until grandpa told me in Water Seven."
Dragon looked back up to him. He was taken aback — Luffy was looking at him like he'd never seen him before, and it made him feel as if the world itself was hanging onto his every word.
"I was already the leader of the army when you were born," he said quietly. "There was nothing that could be done by then. My infamy was already growing by the day, and just a few years ago the World Government was killing babies born within a certain time period to find one pirate king's son. I never intended to bring a child into my life after everything I'd done… but you were never a mistake, not when I loved you from the moment I saw you smile for the very first time."
Luffy never looked away when he spoke. Any harshness in his eyes was gone, replaced with something that he couldn't put a finger on. Dragon waited and waited, and all the while the snow still continued to gently fall on top of them, yet he felt none of the cold and only the piercing burn from his own child's eyes.
"How much longer are you gonna be leader for?"
However surprised he was from the question, he still answered honestly, "I don't know that myself. All my life I only had that purpose." Forced to, maybe, but… In any case, Luffy was nodding. "The world's changed. It's about time for Sabo to take my place as it is his right. I just have nothing else to do."
Strange as it was that he was revealing his uncertainty to his son, Luffy had this quality to him that drew it from his mind without guilt, perhaps even with pleasure. Was it simply because he was his child? Was it his soul? Or was it the hint of unclear emotion in his eyes?
"My dream was to become pirate king," Luffy said, looking over the ocean, taking in what he had claimed. "Now I just want to keep adventuring with my crew."
It seemed, in the end, that their lives still had nothing to do with each other. The thought twisted in him like a snake that coiled terribly tightly around his insides.
"But," Luffy turned back to him, the corner of his lips upturning, "you joining us would sure be fun."
And out of the blue, Dragon had been invited. To become a pirate and sail under his flag, with his own son as the captain. It was so sudden, so ludicrous especially since Luffy was now grinning at him that a laugh escaped him before he could catch it. Even with that, Luffy didn't stop grinning so he kept laughing without being able to stop. It took moments before he could catch his breath, lost in the surprise that the laugh he'd never had in a lifetime had given him.
"I think it would be," he agreed very simply. "Luffy, I… I'm sorry I was never there."
The apology had spilled from him before he could give it more thought. But in fact, it'd been something he'd ruminated over and over again in the past, of what he would say to him if they ever got to meet. He'd never even dared to truly believe he'd be able to see him in person again. And… what they were having now, this more than unusual conversation between parent and child, it was already more than he deserved.
Luffy dropped his grin. His stomach sunk along with it. It hadn't been an apology he'd expected him to accept, but the sight was still painful. Before he could think too much of it, Luffy said, his voice faint and his eyes unfocused as if he was wading through old memories, "I was mostly lonely before I met Shanks. I had Makino and grandpa came back sometimes but I still felt lonely."
The guilt from his words had Dragon's tongue heavy and heart heavier. He'd had a worry, an idea. After all, Luffy was a child, a baby, who needed parents just like any other…
"But I don't think I needed you," Luffy said. "I needed someone who would stay with me and… really want me. Shanks was kinda that. Ace and Sabo were that."
"And I could have filled that void."
Luffy turned to him and nodded. "You were lonely too, weren't you?"
Nothing could have shocked Dragon more then.
"I didn't know I was missing a dad," he continued as calmly as ever. "But you knew I was out there ever since I was born."
Luffy was looking into his eyes, and there was nothing in his but understanding. No blame, no accusation. It was kindness that he never played a part in nurturing.
"Luffy…" Dragon whispered.
Hardly aware of himself, he walked over to him. Luffy had slid a little down his perch so when Dragon reached him they were almost eye-to-eye. He tentatively placed a hand on his head, stroking it a little before he reached out with his other arm and caught him in an embrace, one that he hadn't had in far too long. The Luffy now had grown too big for him to hide, too big to feel his entire weight in his arms. And he longed.
Luffy wrapped his arms around him just as tightly, making his emotions overwhelm him. He squeezed his eyes shut, muttering in his ear, "I love you, so much more than you'll ever know."
"I love you too, dad."
Dragon let go after many years when Luffy never did. Watching with muted awe the brown flecks in his eyes that had never subsided, he wondered how much longer he could stay. Wished all over again that he could just go back to the beginning and take Luffy with him. But his sacrifice was staring him in the face, and it was one sacrifice that'd changed the world.
At least now… now nobody could harm Luffy. He was powerful in his own right, he had his crew who had dedicated their lives to him, allies all over the world. At least now, he could right his wrong, little by little.
Hours later, after they'd talked about anything and everything, laughed and drank together, the first of Luffy's crew finally showed. He'd never even noticed the sky darkening to a deep orange.
Luffy, watching intently the remnants of gravy on his plate, muttered almost too softly, "I guess that's it."
"There's no need to be so glum," Dragon said with a smile. "I still have a lot on my ship."
He looked up at him in a cross of surprise and confusion, one that Dragon couldn't comment on before he stood up and stumbled before him. Dragon had to catch him, the worry on his face probably less than the writing between the lines and the lines themselves as Luffy was quick to shoot a grin and then scampered off before he could stop him.
It was abnormal, but small enough that he could keep an eye on until something actually happened. Luffy had the best doctor on his ship, after all. He made his way to his Den Den Mushi, he had to make a call regarding his extended stay, one that he couldn't promise an estimate.
Night had fallen by the time all the Straw Hats and Sabo had returned, so he, Sabo and a couple of others watched as they drank while Luffy tried by himself to set off the fireworks that he'd found in storage during the time Luffy's crewmate was busy cooking dinner. It was a mess that ended up with one going through a window and his navigator being less than happy, but Luffy never let it get him down. And after dinner, everyone retired to their beds.
In the middle of the night, the scream from the Sunny was loud enough to wake him.