A Christian Carol
Hello, Lovely Readers.
I hope you're sitting in your favorite chair, your skin illuminated by the twinkling lights from your tree, a warm beverage in hand.
You are about to embark on a holiday journey of love, hate, wealth, poverty and redemption. A story that has been told in over and over again, 1000 different ways and 100 different Hallmark movies. But this story, this journey begins in a skyscraper over looking the cloudy landscape of a the Seattle skyline, a full moon hangs in the sky like an omen of things to come.
The Past
Christian Grey was a miserable man. Rich, powerful, handsome but miserable all the same. He had everything a man could want: a penthouse apartment in Seattle fitted with a special room painted a rich crimson red to indulge all his desires, a summer home in the Napa valley, a yacht, a fleet of foreign cars worth millions, the best suits that money could buy tailored to perfection to his tall muscular frame, a driver, a housekeeper, four assistants, a family that loved him, a string of beautiful women chosen just for him and his desires and if that weren't enough then he found Ana. Sweet, kind, beautiful Ana. From the outside looking in Christian Grey had it all. Except one thing - a heart. There was always something holding him back from his happiness.
He was a cold man. He cared little for people's feelings and even less about their opinions. He wanted what he wanted and got it - by any means necessary. He exercised control in all matters - professional and personal.
"Excuse me, Mr. Grey?" His fair haired assistant stood in the doorway of his office, a freshly pressed tuxedo, hanging from a gold hanger in her hand. "Taylor is bringing the car around, the party starts in an hour."
He looks up at her a hint of contempt in his eye. "I've told you half a dozen times, Miss Meadows, it is not a party, it is a charity event."
"I'm sorry, Sir." She manages to stammer out walking into the office.
"Don't be sorry, Miss Meadows. Just stop making mistakes that require an apology. It has been one thing after another with you the last few weeks."
His voice is gruff and he raises an eyebrow in judgment. He can feel the fear and panic radiating off of her. He enjoys it.
"I'll do better, I promise. I've just had a lot on my plate… my mother…"
"I don't care to hear about your personal life. Do better." He points to the sofa indicating that she can put his tux down and waves her away when the task is complete.
He resented his mother, Grace for making him go to her yearly charity event. Every year she would pick a new cause and he would donate a million dollars. Photos of him handing her an absurdly large check splashed across the society pages. This year was the Saint Charles Children's Hospital. The money would go to families who travel from all over the world to receive treatment and needed housing and financial assistance. Christian didn't care much for children. He didn't care much for people in general.
He rubbed the soreness out of his right shoulder and meticulously put on his jet black tuxedo and ran his fingers over the velvet lapels. He was supposed to be going to this event with Ana. He chose this tuxedo because it matched her dress. Only two nights ago they were making plans for the holiday and now she refused to speak to him. He wondered if she would even show up tonight. Deep down he knew that she would, she made a promise to his mother and Ana always kept her word.
The event was in full swing and Christian watched Ana, her best friend Kate and his brother Elliot as they laughed and danced the night away. Elliot and Kate started dating a few weeks before Christian and Ana. He resented their happiness and envied it with equal measure. Elliot. And Kate were simple people and happiness came easily to them. They connected and that was that. There was no drama, no miscommunications, no NDAs or contracts. Just to people falling in love. It sometimes turned his stomach to watch them. How easily Elliot could be touched. The quiet laughter that would pass between them when they thought no one was looking.
Things for Christian were never that easy.
And so he stood in the corner of the ballroom and watched what happiness looked like from a far. Ana refused to look in his direction while Kate glared at him with disgust and Elliot with disappointment. Even his parents were less than welcoming.
"I don't know what you did, son but apologize to Ana. Beg for her forgiveness." Christian chuckled at the idea.
"I don't beg, father. Not to anyone or for anything. Ana knew who I was when we started dating. Anyway this is really none of your business or concern. Ana will come to her senses." Christian was still livid. Ana told him that she would be spending Christmas Eve with Kate and her family like she had for the last several years and that their "friend" Jose would be in attendance. The same Jose that a few short months ago got Ana drunk and kissed her with out her consent. The same Jose who professed his love for her. There was no way in hell that he would stand for it and forbid Ana to go. She tried to explain that Jose had moved on and that she was not going to throw away years of trust and friendship for one stupid night. They fought, Ana cried, Christian broke a crystal glass against an expensive painting and they haven't spoken since.
"You are too stubborn for your own good."
Hours passed slowly and the time came for Christian to present his check. He grimaced for the camera, gave his mother a hug and started his escape plan. He debated approaching Ana or just going home. His pride got the better of him and his eye caught hers as he walked out of the ballroom into the hotel lobby.
"Christian, wait." He heard her call out as Taylor pulled the car away from sidewalk. He didn't turn around to see her standing on the street in the black velvet dress she insisted he match his tux too. He didn't see the slump in her shoulders, or the sadness in her blue eyes as she wiped away a single tear. No, Dear Readers, he didn't tell
Taylor to turn the car around even though you hoped he would. And he didn't answer her calls or listen to her voicemails. Instead he just went to bed.
Christian didn't have a grandfather clock that went tick tock and yet that is what he heard as the stired from a restless sleep. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Finally awoken by the gong and chimes as the clock struck midnight.
"Christian, wake up." A sweet and familiar voice called out his name over and over. Christian sat up and the ticking faded away. Everything seemed to be frozen in time. He looked around his room and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He shook his head in disbelief. "Mom?" His voice was barely a whisper as he looked upon a face he thought he would never see again. She stood next to his bed so close that his nose burned from the scent of sulfur. She was dressed in sheer layers of white and gray, her pale sallow skin gleaming in the moonlight. Her ankles were shackled and hung heavy with thick chains that jingled as she moved. There were more shackles and chains around her wrists and tightly wrapped around her throat.
"My son, you have lived a life of sadness and pain. You have hardened your heart and
blocked out joy and happiness. The life that you are living will destroy you and everything you love will disappear. "
Christian tried to get up and out of his bed but this apparition of his mother just held up her hand leaving him mute and frozen. Fear took hold in his chest and he could feel his heart pumping blood through his veins. The small scars burned into his chest as a child began to pulse and he wanted to scream.
"I lived my life in the darkness. Scared. Selfish. With a bitter heart. I didn't love any one or anything more than myself. I made mistake after mistake. And now I am cursed to walk the earth like this for all eternity. Weighed down with these chains. A link for every mistake I have made, for everyone one I have hurt and this shackle around my throat for everything I didn't do for you."
Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and slowly slid down her cheeks and on to the crisp white sheets of Christian's bed.
"You are doomed for this same fate if you don't change your course. For the next three nights you will be visited by the the Trinity of Time. You have three nights to change your ways or all of this will go away…"
Christian woke in a startled fit of rage. Sun poured into his windows and the glaring squeal of his phone alarm pierced his ear drums. He grabbed for it squelching the sound. "It was just a dream."
He muttered over and over again. The dream left him with a chill down his spine
And his scars still burned. He ran his hand over his chest and running his fingers over each one. "It was just a dream."
In an instant the sun was eclipsed by darkness and a tall and oppressing figure stood before him. Christian jumped from his bed ready to fight. Only then did he realize that the man before him wasn't really a man. It was a monster. Cloaked crimson velvet the same color as the Red Room, it's eyes the most chilling shade of pale blue. He stood over Christian by at least a foot and his teeth were black.
"I am the ghost of Christmas Past."
His jarring voice filled the room. "Come with me." He held out Christian's robe and the moment Christian tied it around his waist the room began to spin around him. He was dizzy and disoriented, time shifted and then everything began to move faster and faster. His ears popped. He fought the urge to vomit. And then all the motion stopped and Christian was in a small, broken down apartment. Peeling paint. Broken window with tape and cardboard. Sirens and horns. An old tv playing Price is Right. The smell garbage and cigarettes. Running water. His mother crying. And then he saw himself, barely four sitting on the floor watching the television. His hair was a wild mess and he was dirty. His mother was now screaming in the other room, a man's voice yelling, broken glass, and then quiet.
"Where are we?" Christian asked.
"You know where we are." the ghost replied.
"Why did you bring me here?"
"You were such a sweet boy. You cared about people and you loved animals. What happened here was not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."
There is a knock on the door. The man comes out of bedroom and a sweet but chemical smell follows him. He yells out to the man pounding on the door "I'll be there in a fucking second." The door swings open and the two men talk. Money exchanges hands. "She's in the bedroom. You have 15 minutes."
Christian closes his eyes and covers his ears wanting to block out what he is being forced to revisit. He knows what comes next. He remembers every time he looks in the mirror. The scars on his chest were a punishment for trying to stop the man from going into the bedroom.
"I've had enough! Get me out of here.
NOW!" Christian roars.
"As you wish." Everything starts to spin again and there are flashes of memories. Christian in the ER and seeing his adoptive mother Grace for the first time. The smell of fresh cut grass and little league baseball with Elliot. The first time he met Elena when he was fifteen and the onslaught of memories of their first time together - hands tied and blindfolded. He is then hit with a wave of nausea. And then time stops again.
He is in his childhood bedroom. Maybe he is thirteen. Mia knock on his door. It squeaks as it opens. She's been crying.
"Mia, what's wrong?" She climbs up on his bed into his arms, huddled against his chest.
"I had… a bad… dream." She managed to eke out between sobs. "Can I stay here with you?" Looking up at him with her big brown eyes, he nodded yes and they both settled into a peaceful sleep. Christian couldn't remember the last time he had had a meaningful conversation with Mia no less a hug. In that moment he was hit with an indescribable feeling of longing. Wishing Mia was with him right now. Then in a flash the wave of movement hits him like a ton of bricks and he is at his parent house. It is the summer and Mia is surrounded by friends and family blowing out the candles on her 21st birthday.
"You didn't show up for her party. That was the moment she stopped trusting you. That was the moment she decided to pull away."
"You know he wanted to be here." Grace was trying to soothe Mia's hurt feelings.
"No he didn't, mom. He does not care about me. He has made that very clear. I'm not going to keep pretending that we are a family. We aren't. He does not want to be apart of us."
"Please don't say that."
"She's right, mom." Elliot chimes in. "All he cares about is money. He has had a million opportunities to come out with us, go to my graduation, vacations. He does not want to be our brother. He has made that very clear. I'm not going to give him a free pass anymore."
Christian could feel his mothers sadness. His brothers pain. His sisters disappointment. They were right. He didn't want to be part of them. He wanted to be isolated. He wanted to focus on what came easy to him - money, power and the control both of those things offered. He didn't want to be confused by duty and love.
"I've seen enough. Take me home."
The Present
Morning came and Christian was disoriented. He couldn't decipher what was real and what was a dream. His felt uneasy, dizzy and altogether unnerved. He convinced himself that it was just a dream. His mind playing tricks on him. He had often dreamt about his mother and that day in the apartment. The day her boyfriend turned pimp used his chest as an ashtray. Punishment for every-time he was a very bad boy. He thought about having the scars removed but that wouldn't erase the memories.
Maybe it would just be best if he removed himself from his family completely. He has done so much damage. More than he even realized. He had offices all over the world. He could leave at any moment. Perhaps that would be best. His dream was his subconscious telling him that his family was clearly done with his distance and he had no desire to make amends. He was comfortable with his life. They could never understand what he had gone through as a child. What he endured. Maybe it was best to leave.
He rose from his bed with a feeling of dread as he looked at his phone. Ana had sent him three text messages and left him a voicemail.
"Christian. We need to talk. Please call me back. I need to see you. There is so much to say and I don't want to do it over the phone."
He contemplated calling her back. He wanted so badly to hear her voice. But instead he sent a text.
-Ana, I have made my feeling very clear. If you still plan to celebrate Christmas Eve with Jose then I can't imagine what we have to talk about.
He spent the day in meetings and putting out fires. He ignored Ana and her texts for most of the day.
- You're being completely unreasonable. You are also invited to Xmas Eve! It's not like Jose and I are celebrating ALONE. There will be like 30 people there. Your siblings and parents included. I think Eliot is proposing to Kate.
- So you're just going to ignore me?
- Seriously?
- Fine, have it your way, Christian.
He cringed as he read her messages over and over. It would be so simple to just reply and apologize. Tell her that he loved her and that he missed her.
- I always have my way, Ana.
"Mr. Grey." Gail spoke softly. She had been his housekeeper for nearly five years. She had learned all of his moods and this was not a good one. He sat his his piano, a crystal glass of clear brown liquid in one hand and his head in the other. He was startled by the sound of her voice and looked over at her with a small nod. "I just wanted to let you know that I was leaving and remind you that I won't be back until the 26th. I put some meals in the freezer for you. All the heating instructions are on the fridge. You should be set." She waited for a thank you but it never came. He had given her a hefty bonus. He always did. He was generous with his money and stingy with his kindness. She debated wishing him a Merry Christmas and then decided against it. Truth be told she was still a little hurt that she didn't give Taylor the days off too. He knew they were dating and didn't seem to care, which was a relief. But she had her heart set on bring Taylor home to I meet her family over Christmas. "Okay, then. I'm off."
Tick tock. Tick tock tick tock ticktockticktock. Christian sat up in bed drenched in sweat and freezing cold. A tall figure floated above him. Her hair was the palest gold and her skin shimmered. She was dressed in a bright blue cloak and she spoke softly.
"I am the ghost of Christmas present. Come with me."
Christian stood from his bed and expected the same whirl of dizziness and nausea from last night but instead he felt a wave of calm float over him and he was weightless. He felt no pain or sadness, no regret or anger. It was incredible. In that moment he almost understood his mothers addiction. Did drugs make her feel anything close to this? I'm the distance he heard music and voices singing and the smell of freshly baked cookies. He opened his eyes and he was in Ana's apartment. She and Kate were in the kitchen laughing and signing along to the radio. Elliot and Mia were there dancing together.
Ana lifted an freshly baked tray out of the oven and clumsy as she was burned her hand. She cried out and the small group turned all their attention to her.
"Damn it. I always do this."
"Lemme see?" Kate asked. Ana lifted her hand. "Ouch babe. That looks bad. Do you have any burn cream." Ana nodded and Kate followed her to the bathroom. Once the burn was treated and covered with a Hello Kitty band-aid Ana sat down at the edge of the tub.
"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Kate asked putting the burn ointment back in the medicine cabinet. "Lemme guess, Christian Grey?" Ana signed loudly and Christian cringed. He didn't realize how sad he made her.
"No… I mean … yes but no. it's just… he makes everything so hard, even the happy things are difficult."
"You need to just tell him. Maybe if he knows he will finally come around."
"He won't return my calls or messages. I'm not going to tell him I'm pregnant over a voicemail."
Pregnant. PREGNANT?! Christian couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was no dream this was a nightmare. He had made it very clear that he never wanted children. They had taken every precaution. There is no way he could be a father. The ghost looked down at him with sadness in her eyes. "She loves you very much."
In a flash the sounds of music and the scent of cookies was gone and was replaced with the familiar smell of home. Grace sat in her office looking though a photo album. It was filled with childhood photos. Christian on his bicycle, Elliot on the swim team, the day they brought Mia home, the day Christian graduated high school. Photo after photo of happy memories. Grace stopped at the first photo she ever took of Christian. He was barely seven, skinny as a rail, his eyes deep sunken and a sadness that never really went away. She traced her finger over the photo and tears slid down her cheeks.
"I've had enough." Christian growled through gritted teeth. "Take me back. Now."
"Miss Meadows, where is the year end report? It was supposed to be on my desk this morning." Christian chastised. He had a horrible night full of ridiculous dreams and he barely slept at all. Ana pregnant. Impossible. These crazy dreams, ghosts and his mother. And his memories. His brain was using his pst against him. Two nights of no sleep and Christian was going crazy.
"It's almost finished. I was here late last night but I was waiting on the final numbers from Jim in accounting, he needed more time."
"And you didn't wait for him to finish?"
"I couldn't. I'm sorry, Sir. But I had somewhere to be. It was almost eight when I left."
"You had somewhere to be. I asked you for one thing, one simple thing. To have this report on my desk by 9:00 this morning. Is it ready now?" He asked looking at his watch. "It's nearly 10."
"It is not. I found a discrepancy… I'm still tying to figure out what's wrong."
"A discrepancy or another one of your mistakes? You can pack your things, you're fired." Her eyes widened in shock and fear.
"Fired? It's Christmas Eve. Fired? Please, I'm sorry. I just… the report is almost done just give me a few more minutes." Christian picked up the phone. "Jeff, I have just fired Melanie Meadows effective immediately. Please get her termination package ready and send security to escort her out."
"You can't do this." She began to cry silent tears.
"It is done."
Christian arrived at Kate's family estate just after seven. He had not planned on going after his fight with Ana about Jose but his brother had called him and asked him to come. He was planning on proposing to Kate and he wanted his entire family there.
Eliot wasted no time and was down on one knee before the clock struck eight. Kate cried and said yes and Eliot slipped a four carat ring in her finger. Ana looked related for her friend. He watched her from across the room. His dream etched into his mind. She certainly didn't look pregnant. And she toasted the couple with a glass of champagne. A wave of relief washed over him. It was just a dream.
They made eye contact several times through out the night but Ana made no attempt to talk to him. She laughed with his father, danced with Kate, talked very intently with Mia but the final straw was Ana and Jose having what looked like a very intense conversation. Ana looked concerned and sad, Jose looked hopeless as she brushed her hand over his shoulder. Something in Christian snapped. He strode up to them ready for a fight.
"This is what I was talking about, Ana. THIS!" They both looked up at him with shock on their faces. " You and this asshole huddled together."
"What did you call me?" Jose stood more erect and puffed out his chest.
"Jose, don't. Just ignore him." She put her body between the two men. "I am talking to my friend. Go away, Christian."
"Go Away?"
" I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. You made everything exponentially harder than it needs to be. You are insecure and bitter." Christian's family drew in closer as the argument got louder.
"Insecure, that's rich, Ana. Why would I be insecure about this little fucker whose clearly in love with you - you chose me. He's nothing."
"He's my friend. He's someone I care about. He's someone who has never made me cry. I can't say the same thing about you."
"Son, why don't we go outside and get some air?"
"Dad stay out of this."
"This is Eliot and Kate's night and you are putting a damper of things. Stop belong so selfish and calm down." Ana grabbed Jose's arm and started to lead him away from Christian.
"Where in the hell are you going?"
"To the kitchen, with my friend."
"Friends!" Kate chimes in linking her arm in Ana's. Eliot looked at Christian with a deep sadness in his eyes.
"Please don't do this, Christian. Please, let's just stop it here and try to enjoy the night."
Eliot pleaded. Christian had a choice to make, dear readers. He could put out the fire or pour gasoline on it. What do you think he chose to do?
"Fuck this!" He roared and he stormed out of the room. No one came after him. In fact, everyone felt a huge sense of relief that he was gone.
The Future
Christian woke from his restless sleep. He felt like his whole body was engulfed in flames. His skin burned and he was dripping is sweat. His room smelled of smoke and he was convinced that there must have been a raging fire. Tick tock. Tick tock. TICK TOK. A large man dressed in black stood above his bed, his eyes were deep black and his skin was lined and wrinkled. He didn't speak. HE simply touched his hand on Christian's shoulder and in an instant they were standing out side of a small cottage. It was painted robins egg blue and had pale yellow shutters. There were beautiful flowers in bloom; pink roses, wisteria, cheerful daisies, lavender and salvias. It was beautiful. Christian followed the dark figure to the yard and from behind the white picket fence he saw Ana. She was very pregnant wearing a white sundress adorned with pink flowers. She was laughing and smiling as Jose held a small child with copper hair and green eyes. They were hunting for Easter eggs together. The threesome looked so happy and content as Jose leaned in a pressed a gentle kiss on Ana's lips. Christians insides twisted in knots and he thought it would be sick. Eliot and Kate were there, a small blonde child of their own running around looking for eggs hidden in the bushes. His parents where there. And Mia. They all looked so happy.
"I don't want to see this! Take me away from here!" Dear welled up in his belly. Ana was happy with out him. She had his baby but Jose was raising him. She was pregnant again. She was with Jose. His mind was racing. Everything he had feared most came to fruition. "Take me away from here now!"
The dark figure started to walk away towards the house and Christian followed. The skies darkened and the wind blew. In an instant Christian was in a small cemetery and in the distance he saw a familiar figure.
It was Miss Meadows. She stood in front of a grave, he shoulders slumped. Christian walked closer.
"Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't get you the treatments you needed. I'm sorry you were in that awful hospital. I wish I could have saved you. Please forgive me, mommy. Please forgive me." She broke down into an uncontrollable sob. Christian could feel the sadness radiating off of her.
"What happened to her mother? What happened?" The dark figure said nothing but in his heart Christian knew that he played apart in what had happened. "Take me back and I can fix it. I will give her job back." The figure just shook its head no and held one long finger up to his mouth. Christian was silent. He couldn't speak even if he wanted to. The figure put his hand in Christian's chest, directly over his scars and everything went blurry. In an instant there were in Escala. Christian watched him self In his red room. Elena was there, strapped to the bed purring like a cat. He stood over her a blank look in his eye. His future was reduced to this. Alone in red room with a woman he despised. Ana had moved on with his child and his family had moved on with her. His life was empty.
Christian woke in a cold sweat. His body shaking. "It was just a dream. It's not too late." He jumped from bed and dressed quickly. His mind was racing with all the things he had seen the past three nights. All the choices that he had made and all thing things he need to change. He called Taylor and told him he was free to go and spend the week with Gail and her family. Taylor was stunned by his turn around. But didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. He thanked Christian and went off to his room to pack his bags.
Christian made a few other phone calls and then set off to execute all plans. He pulled up to the small house. It was in need of a new roof but it was cute and quaint. He walked up the metal ramp and knocked on the door.
"Mr, Grey?" Janie Meadows stood there is shock.
"Miss Meadows, hello. I'm sorry to barge in on Christmas but I wanted to apologize for what happened. You're not fired." A look of shock slowly rose on her face.
"Janie, who is it?" A small woman with a walker and an oxygen mask made her way to the door. She had beautiful green eyes and a mop of curly hair.
"Mom, this is my boss, Christian Grey." The woman's kind face soured. And she lowered her mask.
"I have a bone to pick with you."
"No, mom. It's okay. He's here to give me back my job." Christian smiled sheepishly.
"I am also here to give you this." He pulled two envelopes out of his pocket. "This is a check for 20,000, your Christmas bonus. And this is a list of the best lung cancer specialist in the world. He is expecting your call. I have created a grant to find all of your mothers treatments. Anything you need, you shall have." Tears welled up in Janie's eyes.
"Mr. Grey, I don't know what to say… thank you so much."
He pulled up to Ana's apartment just as she was leaving. She and Kate had their arms full of gifts and he watched as they loaded them in to Kate's BMW.
"Ana…" they looked up at him, both startled by his presence.
"Oh hell no, Grey. It's Christmas. We are. It doing this today." Kate exclaimed.
"I just came to apologize. I'm so sorry for how I have been behaving. I just wanted you to know that I love you and I'm sorry and I will move heaven and earth to make things up to you." Tears welled up in Ana's eyes and even Kate was touched by his sincerity.
"I have made a million mistakes. With you and with my family. I can't change the past. But I can change the present and the future. If you give me a chance."
"Christian…"
"I know I don't deserve it but please, Ana let me be there for you and for our baby."
"Baby? How did you know about the baby?" Ana looked at Kate and she just shills her head.
"It wasn't me and Eliot does not know."
"I just knew, Ana. I felt it in my bones and I knew. Please forgive me."
"I want to believe you. I really do, Christian."
"I know it will take time. I will prove it to you."
Epilogue.
The snow was falling on the cabin in Aspen. Christian was putting the finished decorations on the tree with Grace and when they were done he enveloped her in a warm hug. She still was getting used to his open gestures of affection. But each and every one earned her heart.
The newlyweds, Eliot and Kate were cuddled on the sofa in front of the fire. Jose and Mia had just started dating over the summer and Mia has never been happier.
Ana rocked her five month old, Teddy to sleep. Later her husband Christian would come a take the sleeping babe to his bedroom and lay him down in the crib.
It was in these moments he could feel his mothers presence and was so thankful for what she had shown him. Because of her he was able to enjoy his family, his wife, his son. Because of her he would not repeat the same fate.
Later he sat beside his wife, his hand wrapped around hers. They laughed with their family, played games, and sang carols. All was warm and well.
Everyone was happy. Everyone was safe. Everyone was loved.
Oh, dear readers I hope you enjoyed this little one off story of our favorite couple. I wish you all a happy Christmas. I hope you're filled with the joy of this season.
And remember it is never too late to start again and make a change.