Colin Shea was looking across the bed at his girlfriend trying to shake loose what he was sure he couldn't have possibly heard right. She couldn't have told him that they were going to take a break. That couldn't be right. They were going on four years together. Longer if you counted the fact that they'd known each other since they were children.
"Jas," he whispered, hoping if he didn't raise his voice, then it wouldn't be real. "You don't mean it."
Jasmine picked up his hand, so much larger than her own and held it between both of hers. She looked up into his blue eyes and he could see the conviction in her own green eyes. She did mean it. She wanted time away from him, time to find herself or something and it was going to make his heart break into a million little pieces.
"Colin, please listen to me." She said, her voice begging him. "I'm not talking about a permanent break. I'm not even talking about a complete break." She pulled him to her and kissed him. "I just want us to be completely sure that the two of us KNOW that what we have is what we want forever." Before he could say anything she continued. "I know that you're going to tell me that you already know, but Colin, that's what we're taught. We're taught that good girls and boys are supposed to find the one person that they're supposed to be with forever and be done, but you and I both know that's not real life." She smiled at him sadly. "I'm going to college, and you're going to be doing your own thing too. I don't want you to sit here pining for me."
He thought about what she was saying, really thought about it. She was talking about cheating. He couldn't fathom wanting anyone the way he wanted her, but at the same time, what she was saying made a sort of sense. "What are you saying, Jas? Do you want us to just pretend that we're not together? Or are we not together?" He asked, scared to even know.
Jasmine looked up at the boy that would own her heart forever, or at least that's how she felt today, and said the one thing that she prayed he'd understand. "Let's just say that we're on hold. From the day I leave for college, Colin and Jasmine are on hold. And we're collecting experience to see if Colin and Jasmine get picked up again."
Colin considered what she was saying, fully.
Jasmine Monahan was always a little forward thinking in their more traditional families. She had embraced her older brother Christopher and his boyfriend Scott when they came out senior year, much to her father's displeasure, but with her fiery temper, she'd helped the family come to see reason.
She was also one of the first girls at their school to step forward when anyone would try to call our another for sleeping around. Slut shaming wouldn't happen in front of Jasmine Monahan. Numbers didn't matter to her. Like she said, boys didn't have that stigma, why should girls. And no one dared to say a word to her, after all, she'd been dating Colin Shea since infancy.
It really shouldn't have come as a surprise to him that she'd come up with this compromise. She'd been accepted to NYU and visits happen of course, but she'd have another life there. As she'd said, he would be making his life here, trying to see what he could do with his music. He threw his head back onto his pillow and tried to think of any way to fight against what she was asking, or another way to make it work, but she was right. They had to try it her way. What was that stupid quote? As if reading his mind, she supplied it.
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." She said, laying down beside him, cradling herself into the crook of his arm, like she was born to fit there. "You know I'll come back, don't you?" She asked, looking up at him from her spot. "That's a given. I just want us to be absolutely certain, and I don't want you to have to suffer from lack of sex while I'm sitting in hours of literature lectures." She said with a dry chuckle.
He smiled at her attempt of humor. "It's not going to bother you that I'm randomly hooking up with women?" He asked, looking down at her, taking in her auburn hair, and those light green eyes that he'd always dreamt of.
She sniffed. "It might, I don't want details, Colin." She emphasized. "I just know that we can't hold each other back." She turned into his body. "I love you, but being gone and not knowing how often I can come back isn't the relationship we deserve. We're too young for that."
Colin sat up against his headboard pulled the only girl he could ever imagine loving into his arms. Her head fit perfectly beneath his chin and she was just the right size for his frame. Jasmine was always going to be the right fit. He knew it and so did she, but she was right about this too. They were going to be apart for at least four years, even with her visits home. And they'd be surrounded by friends who would want them to party and be social. Pining away, or waiting wasn't something people their age should do.
He sighed, not wanting to agree, but knowing he would. "Fine. I don't like it, but you're probably right." He felt her shift and pull away enough to look into his eyes. She cupped his face with her small hands.
"I love you, Colin Shea." She said, leaning into kiss him softly. "I know that seems counter to what I'm saying right now, but I do. I adore you, and I want us to be together forever." She moved to straddle his body. His hands moved automatically to cradle her hips, as natural to him as breathing. "This," she said, rocking her hips against his, "is perfect." He hissed in agreement, his eyes closing. "But, I don't ever want you to settle."
Slowly, carefully, they removed each others' clothing. His parents weren't home. His dad was at work and his mother was out, probably volunteering with hers at the church, ironically. Once they were completely, gloriously naked, they took their time making love. Saying with their bodies, what they had often enough said with their words. Just as natural and normal as breathing.
Their number: 1. Not that it mattered.