Chapter 15 - Heroes Never Die (Post-TPM)

Author's Note: This is a few years later. :)

~ Amina Gila

A shiver runs through me, and I pull the warm coat closer to me, glancing up and down the icy halls. Why must lightsaber crystals be held in a place like this? I feel like I'm about to join those icicles hanging from the ceiling at my left. I just can't believe this moment has finally come. There had been a long time I was afraid it wouldn't. The first three years of Jedi training have taken forever to pass, and I'm just relieved that I can finally get my own lightsaber. A thrill runs through me, and I take a few more steps forwards. I need to find my crystal, but I need to follow the Force to find it. The way I see it, if I find one, the one I take will be the right one. After all, why would the Force let me take one if it wasn't the one I was supposed to take?

"Any idea which way we need to go?" I inquire of one of the other six Jedi younglings sent with me. I'm not exactly a fan of this one, at least I just get the feeling I'm not going to like her. She's far too reserved, while I still have much of the energy remaining from when I was a five-year-old. But on the bright side, over the past three years, I've gotten much better at speaking Basic. At least I don't have to think for ages to say even a short, jumbled sentence anymore. If I had to do that now as much as I used to, I'd have gone insane a long time ago.

Barriss Offee glances at me. "We're supposed to follow the Force."

Ah, see? Useless. I follow orders, verbal orders, even if I had a lot of questions about them. It makes the other children mad at me, but I don't like them anyway, so no love is lost anyhow.

At least I have better night-vison than most species, so I can see clearly even though it's pretty dark. Besides me and Barriss, there are four other younglings with us – the rest of our clan. There's a Twi'lek who's name I cannot for the life of me remember though he told me what it was – we call him Trie, and that's not his real name – a Rodian, another really exotic species, and a human. We've all split up since we came in the doors. We ran into an area where there were three doors and split up into groups of two. Turns out Barriss got stuck with me. The human and Twi'lek went left together, and the other two went right.

I just shake my head at her. "Okay, let's get going. We have to get out before the door closes." Yes, that horrible huge ice door which will lock anyone who's unlucky enough not to get out with their crystals on time inside. I still have my doubts about if they really are locked inside. Can't you, like, use a Force shove or something? Besides, when we came through, we had to break through one of the doors together. Couldn't we do it even at night? Granted, there's still a ton about the Force I don't know, but I have my doubts about the dangerousness of that door. Doesn't mean I'll risk it though.

I keep moving down the ice-covered halls. Where are the crystals? Or rather, where is my crystal? I scan the halls in front of me, finally choosing the one on the right. Why not? I don't really know which way to go, and I need to hurry and find one. I'm really excited at the thought of finally being able to have my own lightsaber. It will be absolutely thrilling to finally be able to have my own and assemble it. I wonder what color it'll be when I'm done.

I shiver slightly, glancing up and down the hall. Suddenly, something catches my attention. Across the partly iced over river, there's a glowing, shimmering light. It hums through the Force, drawing me towards it. "I found it!" I exclaim, moving forwards. At least, I think I did. "You can go find your own." I just need to cross that ice somehow. There are large chunks covering the water to where the ice rises out of the ground. Atop one of the structures is where I see something sparkling, drawing me towards it. My crystal.

"I don't see it," Barriss objects.

I stare at her blankly. "Master Yoda said only we will be able to know where our crystals are. If you can't see it, that means its mine." At least I assume that's how it works. The Force is strong in this area, which is probably why it works like that. It normally doesn't.

Barriss turns, glancing both ways down the hall and finally hurries away. I watch her leave, then turn back to the partly iced over area. There are large chunks of ice floating on the cold river. I need to make it across, somehow from moving from piece to piece. I can only hope that they won't break easily. Well, I can do this. I'm a Jedi.

I walk to the very edge of the bank, so close the icy waters are practically lapping at the tip of my boot, then lean over. I can't help but think about what would happen if I lost my balance and fell head-first into the water right below. It's got to be freezing. Maybe I should try a different, less dangerous tactic? Yes, probably.

I sit – more like lay – down, reaching out towards the nearest ice block. My fingers dig into the ice, and I ignore the numbing tingling sensation crawling through my hand despite the glove I'm wearing. I pull it closer to the edge, scooting forwards onto it. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all. The ice looks like it's cracking where I dug my fingers into it. Actually, try everywhere. I need to hurry and get off this, but at least this way, my weight will be less concentrated so it should take longer, right?

I plunge my hand into the water, trying to stir up somewhat of a current to propel myself forwards. All I get in return is inching slightly forwards and an even colder hand, provided that's possible. I don't notice the ice cracking all the way through until too late. With a startled shriek, I'm plunging head-first into the icy water. I come up flailing, gasping against the freezing cold. I should have been patient; I should have waited. That was stupid. So, so stupid.

My flailing morphs into a desperate attempt to drag myself back to the edge of the river, only the water is chilling me to the bone. If I stay in here much longer, it could kill me. That realization sends me spiraling into even more panic. I can just imagine what would be written on my gravestone... or in my ashes. 'Ashla Tano, the galaxy's greatest idiot who drowned in impatience.' Literally.

"Ashla! Take my hand." It's the human boy, Drisor Maavel, hurrying towards me. His light-skinned face is rimmed with the woolen coat he's wearing, same as mine. Except mine is now soaked with ice water. He kneels at the edge of the bank, leaning as far forwards as he dares, holding his hand out to me. I move forwards, snatching his hand instantly. He pulls me to shore with some effort.

I collapse against the side of the embankment, panting and shivering.

"What were you thinking?!" Drisor reprimands. "That could have killed you!"

"T-t-tell m-me s-s-ome th-thing e-else I-I d-didn't kn-know," I manage to get out, teeth chattering.

Frowning, he pulls me up into a sitting position to lean against him, letting some of his warmth seep into me. "Your crystal is on the other side?" he guesses.

"Mmhmm," I nod, letting myself relax, still panting. I can't believe I nearly just died. I could have been... been gone, and the realization is more than a little unnerving. I'm only nine.

"Next time," Drisor continues, "Just wait and look over the situation. The Force wouldn't try to make you do something you couldn't do."

"See something I don't?" I ask sarcastically, the warmth finally somewhat restoring me. I look up, seeing the sunlight streaming through the area slowly decreasing. The door is closing. It's probably half closed.

"Possibly," he confirms. "See the sunlight?" He raises an arm to point. "The water freezes over as the sun sets. You have to wait until it's completely frozen to cross."

"Luckily, I'm a fast runner," I grumble, eyeing the river. The thought of crossing it sends me scooting back, stomach twisting. "I don't want to cross it..." But the crystal is right on the other side, calling to me. I need it... it's mine, and I can't go without it.

"We're Jedi. Don't be afraid," he reminds me encouragingly. "I'll be right here with you. The Force will be with you." Drisor helps me to my feet, and I stand shakily, the wet coat sticking to me. It's freezing, and the sooner I can get out of here and change, the better.

A sudden thought occurs to me. "Did you find your crystal yet?"

"I did," he confirms.

I frown. "They why didn't you leave?"

"I heard you in here," he answers. "I came to make sure you were okay." That's touching. We've been friends before, but I never thought that much about him until right now. He came back for me when Barriss didn't, even though she was closer. Maybe our friendship is meant for more than I thought it was. He just saved my life, and that's something I'll never forget. Except now, I'm left with a perpetual fear of water, and if he's going to stay here and help me through my fears, I won't tell him to leave, selfish as it may be. I just hope I can make it fast enough before the door freezes completely over.

I never thought anyone would come back for me. Never thought anyone except Anakin would even think of me, of what I need, but he did.

"Thank you," I say finally, "For coming here."

Drisor grins. "It's what Jedi are supposed to do, isn't it?" For whatever reason, the statement vaguely reminded me of Anakin. I wish we'd been able to see him more. He'd kept his promise of coming to see me whenever he could, but I feel on the verge of going insane if I can't talk to him for just one day. It's even longer than that sometimes, and it's starting to drive me out of my mind. He's been under a lot of pressure since we came here, too. At first, Anakin was struggling to catch up to where he should be in classes, now he's being pressured to be the best padawan, and I guess it's all really adding up.

It's the best I can do to be there for him, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I'm always afraid that maybe someday I won't have done enough, maybe that's why he doesn't come to see me and Ahsoka as much. Because we're not trying to help him as much as we should be. Not that I believe Anakin would do that, but there's a part of me that's afraid, that's always afraid. I think there's still a part of my mind from before I was brought to the Temple that's stuck with me, the part that was scarred from losing everyone so young and having been a slave so long.

I wonder what kind of things it's left on Anakin. He is a lot darker than most Jedi, which I have noticed, but it's not necessarily in a bad way. He's a good person, and he'll never do anything to hurt anyone. I'm just afraid Anakin might end up choosing someone over me someday, or that we might not stay as close as we were supposed to be. We need each other, as much as I need Ahsoka. No one can deny it, though there are a lot more Jedi than I care to admit who are over-the-edge crabby about our so-called attachment.

"You seem frustrated," he remarks. "What's wrong?"

I sigh softly, watching as the sun slowly sets. The ice is freezing over, and it shouldn't be much longer before I can cross. But I'm too scared to try. What if it breaks again and I can't get to the edge? "I miss my best friend," I sigh finally. "I've hardly been able to talk to him for a long time, and I'm afraid I'll forget what it was like to eventually." And why did I just tell him that? I usually don't admit my emotions so blatantly. Jedi don't do that... but apparently, I do.

"The one they're calling the Chosen One?"

I turn to face him, searching his eyes for the emotions I typically see in people when they talk about Anakin. Anything ranging from jealousy to anger that the Order accepted him or refusing to believe someone like him could be the person they've been hoping for so long. I see none of them, just curiosity. I nod quickly, trying to gauge his reaction.

Drisor's brown eyes are swimming with a mixture of curiosity and sympathy. "Maybe when you become a padawan you'll be able to see him more?"

"That's so long!" I practically whine, "And I don't even know if anyone will ever want to be my master." And that I guess is the root of the problem. I'm afraid no one will ever really want me. After all, who would? A clumsy Togruta who literally didn't even have the sense not to step on a very thin layer of ice? And fell through and nearly drowned? Well, Obi-Wan might not mind – maybe, but he already has a padawan, and Anakin is still really young. I could get a master anywhere in two to six years...

"You have a long time until then," he reminds. "And I think the ice is frozen over now. Look."

I find myself reluctantly turning to the river. I don't want to go close to there. I want to stay as far away from it as I can. A shiver runs through me at the very thought of attempting to go over it. What if it breaks again?

"I can't," I squeak.

"Can't what?"

"I can't cross that." I take an instinctive step back, suddenly realizing how close to it I am. "What if I'm too heavy and the ice breaks?"

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we'll get out of here?"

"I'll be right here waiting for you when you get your crystal," Drisor offers, "But you can't leave before you get it."

He's right; I know he's right. I have to get it, or I'll be stuck here for... days. I raise my eyes, focusing on the crystal on the other side. The Force wouldn't be cruel enough to have it there if I couldn't get across. I am a Jedi, and the Force is with me. I close my eyes, taking a moment to imagine my best friend here. Anakin is the only person who managed to make me feel safe and protected, except Obi-Wan and Shmi. The simple thought of returning to them gives me courage. Taking a deep breath, I step forwards.

The ice holds firm beneath me, but I need to move quickly, which is also hard, given how slippery it is. Stop imagining it breaking, Ashla. You can do this, you're a Jedi. I keep moving forwards, as quickly as I dare. There are a few points I'm afraid it might give out, but it seems thicker as I go onwards.

Finally, I reach the shimmering crystal. Reaching out, I gently break it off the top of the piece of ice partly encasing it.

"You have it?" Drisor calls from behind me. He's standing at the water bank, silhouetted against the darkness. Maybe it's what I've always needed – a promise of something to come back to.

I spin around, nodding, still not letting my mind wonder from thoughts of Anakin. It's the only thing that sooths me. I can almost see him here, reassuring me it'll be alright. That everything will be alright, and I'm safe. Hand clenched over the crystal; I start forward back across the ice.

My heart skips a beat as I feel the ice cracking beneath my feet, and I move faster, only for my right foot to skid out from under me. I skid over, landing on my back with a loud yelp. There's a fraction of a moment I'm convinced I feel back into the water again, but the ground below me is solid. On the bright side, I'm closer to the bank. I scramble up, darting up the bank, shaking.

"See? You did it!" he calls triumphantly.

I grin in response, flushing the slightest bit. "I did, but now we need to get to the entrance. Before we're trapped in here for the next two weeks."

Drisor laughs. "Race you to the entrance."

"Don't risk it!" I tease. "Running is the one thing Ashla Tano excels at."

"You'll have to prove it," he retorts, spinning around and breaking into a run towards the entrance.

"If you win," I call after, "It's because you didn't play fair." I take off running, boots lightly hitting the icy floors. And for once, it is a good thing I'm a fast runner. Up ahead, I can see the amount of light being let through the door slowly decreasing. There's almost nothing left.

Finally, I make it back out to the room where all three doors were. He is right up ahead, disappearing down the hallway leading to the area. Faster, I hiss at myself. Faster. Maybe if I hadn't spent so much time worrying about that frozen over lake, there wouldn't be so much to worry about. I am absolutely not getting stuck in here.

"How are you moving so fast?" Drisor pants as I shoot past him.

"The Force!" The door comes into view, and there's just a very narrow area left between it and the ground. "We'll have to slide through," I call to him. I don't let my speed of running decrease, despite how instinctive it is at looming door in front of me. Using the speed I'm already moving at to my advantage, I dive forwards, letting myself skid over the icy ground. He slides through seconds later, just as the door completely seals behind us. We got out. Just in time.

I sit up, throwing a cheerful smirk at him. "I told you so."

**w**

"Anakin!" I shout excitedly, darting to my best friend and throwing my arms around him, not caring how un-Jedi-like the action may seem. I haven't seen him for a while, but then again, that's always what it feels like. The moments we have to spend together are a true treasure.

"Hey, Ashla," he greets me, equally enthusiastically, though he somewhat managed to sound a little more like the thirteen-year-old padawan he is.

"I finally got to build my lightsaber," I continue exuberantly. "It's blue, like yours." Which I am still extraordinarily proud about. I always wanted to have the same color as my best friend... and Obi-Wan. I can't wait until Ahsoka is old enough to have her own. I wonder if she'll have blue like us, or green like Qui-Gon used to have.

Anakin carefully disentangles himself from me, then holds his hand out. "Can I see?"

"Sure!" I chirp, snatching it off my belt and passing it to him. I'm probably a little over-the-edge proud about having one, which is probably not a good thing, but hey. I've been waiting for this day for three years. I have a right to be excited. Being old enough for a kyber crystal is where the final pre-padawan training begins. I don't have long.

Anakin turns it over in his hands, tracing his fingers across the design.

"... what?" I demand at the amused smile starting to form on his face.

"It's just strange to imagine you being old enough for this," he says, looking like he's trying not to laugh.

My eyes narrow. "I am old enough! I'm nine!"

"I know," he replies, "But you're still almost as tiny as you were when you were five."

"I am not tiny!" I cry. I know I'm like half his size, but still. I. Am. Not. Tiny! But Anakin just laughs at my outrage. He actually laughs. I glower at him. "Wait until I'm an adult. I'll be taller than you."

"Maybe." He passes my lightsaber back and I snatch it from his hand, grumbling under my breath. "Anyway, I came to tell you something."

My gaze snaps up expectantly.

"Um." Anakin suddenly looks uncomfortable, uncertain. "I talked to the Chancellor," he says finally. "He wanted to see me."

"What?" I squeak, gaping at him. "Why would the Chancellor want to see you?!"

He shrugs, sheepishly. "I saved his planet. I guess that's worthy of his attention. I think he likes me though. He's amazing."

"What happened?" I ask, warily.

"I... it's complicated, but I was wondering... I know there's so much more to the galaxy, but there's so much I can't do if I'm a Jedi."

I frown. Where is this coming from?! "What?"

"Well... the Jedi are confined to the orders of the Senate, which is full of corruption. There's so much of it right here on Coruscant, and we can't do anything about it, because we can't go against the Senate."

"That's ridiculous," I declare, crossing my arms grumpily. "The Jedi are good. They would stop it if it was there!"

"It is there!" Anakin retaliates, "I saw it! The Chancellor showed me, and I – I don't know. It feels like there's so much to do out there, and like there's so much I can't do while I'm a Jedi. I... I don't want to leave you and Ahsoka though."

I frown. I believe him, because he wouldn't lie about something like this, but I don't understand it either. Why would the Jedi not take action? It's what they're supposed to do! They wouldn't not do it if it was there... right? Maybe? "You can't leave," I snap, the rest of his words finally catching up to me. "You'd be out there all alone, and we'd never see you again!"

"I know, but it's just... I could free Mom. I could make sure she's safe. It's not that simple. I – the Chancellor would take care of me. He said he would, and I'm not that young anymore. I'm thirteen. I'm almost an adult."

"You are not!" I yell grumpily. "That makes you sound so old! Adults are old and grumpy like Obi-Wan!"

"My master is not grumpy!" Anakin defends vehemently. "He's amazing!"

"Yes, he is! Ask anyone!"

"He raised me! I would know!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Maybe sometimes, but he's usually nice!"

"Remember that next time you complain about him," I grumble, "I've heard you say a thousand times about how he never listens to you, and he gets mad for no reason."

"I'm just difficult. That's not his fault."

"No more difficult than me."

"I know," Anakin replies flatly, and I swat his arm. "I... I want to leave, but I don't want to leave you."

Something twists inside me. It is – in many ways – the admission I wanted to hear for so long. I know somewhere inside that he wouldn't leave me, because that is not Anakin, but it makes me feel much better to hear it put into words. "Stay," I request, tears burning my eyes. "Please."

Anakin kneels in front of me so we're at eye-level, sensing my emotions as he always does. "Hey. It doesn't mean we wouldn't see each other anymore."

"But less," I whisper, lowering my gaze. I feel almost ashamed of my own feelings, however senseless it may be.

"Don't worry." Anakin rests a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and I summon the courage to look up. "I... I'll figure this out. I won't leave you and Ahsoka. I promised."

"And what if no one wants to take me as a padawan?" I whisper suddenly. "What then?" I've never heard of that before, but getting a grumpy and mean master isn't much better than having none. I just – I'm scared. What if I can't make it to be a padawan?

We'll definitely never see each other again. It will be the end. A shiver runs down my spine at the thought. No. That can't happen.

"Someone will," he promises me, "I know they will. We'll work this out." Or so we hope, because a world without Anakin might as well not be a world at all. But we'll get through this, too. We have to

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