Next to HIM
Lupin's pov:
My eyes opened very abruptly. I nearly gasped as I felt who was laying next to me. Sirius had his arm wrapped around my waist and his face buried in my chest. My face flushed and I could feel an intense heat emerge in me. Did we really fall asleep together? Did he snuggle up on me on purpose? He wouldn't possibly. He is a good friend! Nothing more!
My breathing tensed up going abrupt and not smooth like it did when I was asleep. What do I do? What do I do now? I asked myself. My inner voice scolded myself. You like this! You like him! Stop pretending you idiot. I decided it was best to just not move till he awakes and pretend to be asleep. Still I couldn't relax. My crush was snuggling with me! Even though it isn't on purpose and probably a one time action… I thought it was nice.
After what felt like an eternity of comfort and safe space, I felt him moving. I quickly closed my eyes pretending to be fast asleep. But when he nuzzled against me, I couldn't keep acting. He nuzzled against me! Does that mean he likes me back? It can't! He wouldn't! That must be a mistake.
When he realized I was awake he separated like nothing happened at all. "Good morning." He whispered. I stuttered a quiet, "Morning." Then I fully parted from him only to realize I had a problem.
In my head, a voice repeated: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! That can't be happening! Now you definitely can't deny you like him. If I'd stand up now, it would be dead obvious. I gulped. Stop thinking about him! I scolded myself. Don't you dare think about it!
"Everything ok?" Asked Sirius. I nodded. "Yea. Everything's fine!" I said smiling forcefully. "Mind if we keep this night a secret?" Asked Sirius. I was very sad in an instant although I didn't even realize I hoped he meant it in a romantic way but he explained his request.
"Nothing against a sleepover but the others would start mocking, assuming things or questioning your whole situation if you would want to be honest." I nodded. "I should move now…" mumbled Sirius and swung his feet to the floor. "Thank you for staying with me!" I said and he smiled.
Once he crawled back into his own bed I closed the curtains again like nothing happened. I breathed out relaxed again. Why the fuck the bump in my pants? Why? I asked. Was that necessary to make me realize I was down bad for him?
I was just so relieved that he didn't realized. It was around 6.am so I still had round about 30 minutes till the others would start preparing for the day. I decided or my brain wouldn't not let me think about anything other than Sirius. I ended up day dreaming about him.