A/N: I wasn't sure what to do for Christmas this year, but recently, I had a headcanon about Cosmo, plus I wanted to do some more Sonouge stuff, so here's this story. Enjoy!
While it wasn't exactly a white Christmas in Emerald City, it didn't dampen Sonic the Hedgehog's Christmas spirit. As a matter of fact, being with his soul brother Miles "Tails" Prower and his loving girlfriend Rouge the Bat, his spirit was brighter than the stars on most trees. They were also joined by Tails' girlfriend Cosmo the Seedrian, and they were dining out at a Chunanese restaurant called the House of Fu, located in the Upper East Side in the City Center borough. Rouge – wearing her orange/purple witch outfit, being a devout Wiccan – remarked positively on the development:
"I must say, Sonic, you've really outdone yourself taking us here this year!"
"And considering I'm Jewish, this works out perfectly for me!" said Cosmo.
Tails dropped his jaw. "Cosmo, you never told us you were Jewish!"
Cosmo giggled. "You never asked, you meshugganah!"
Tails turned to Sonic. "Why take us here, though?"
"Well, Shadow and Omega were goin' out with Amy for Christmas, and I didn't wanna leave this hot mama all by her lonesome, so yeah."
"Awww, what a sweetie!"
Rouge wrapped an arm around Sonic and pulled him in tightly just as the waitress got back with their drinks. Sonic had ordered a Roy Rogers – that is, cola mixed with a hit of grenadine syrup – Tails ordered a Shirley Temple – similar to a Roy Rogers, but with ginger ale – as did Cosmo, and Rouge had ordered a Dr. Pepper.
"We all set to order?" asked the waitress.
"I'm ready if these cats are!" said Sonic.
"Well, if you're so confident, then you go first, hon!" said Rouge.
"OK…" Sonic speed-read the menu. "I'll start off with the bacon-wrapped hot dogs, and then I'll have the Pu Pu Platter."
Tails went next. "I'll have the General Tso's Chicken dinner combo, please.
Cosmo went after Tails. "I'll have the chicken lo mein, please."
Finally, it was Rouge's turn. "I'll have the orange-flavor beef, please."
The waitress left to get their food.
"Sonic, may I ask you a question?" asked Cosmo.
"What it is?"
"Are you really going to eat that much food? Knowing what I know about pu pu platters, I'd die if I ate that much."
"He does this all the time, dear." Rouge turned to Sonic and frowned. "Having said that, it never gets any less gross."
Sonic smiled nervously. "What?"
Rouge continued to frown at Sonic. Then, she turned to Tails and Cosmo and smiled.
"So Tails, how are you and Cosmo doing nowadays?"
"We're doing very well, Auntie Rouge."
Cosmo raised an eyebrow. "Auntie Rouge? Since when are you biologically related?"
Tails chuckled. "We're not actually related. Her and Sonic just get along so well that she's been treating me kindly, and I see her as being like my aunt."
"Honestly, it's so adorable when you call me that, sweetie!" said Rouge.
Cosmo scratched her cheek. "I still don't get it, but I guess it's fine with me."
Sonic smiled. "Just you wait, Cosmo! One day, there's gonna be some kinder that's gonna call ya 'Auntie Cosmo'!"
"I didn't know you knew Yiddish, Sonic!"
"I know bits and pieces of random languages."
Rouge leaned closer to Sonic. "Oh? And how did The Sexiest Thing Alive learn all these bits and pieces?"
"Well, when you're like Tails and I and travel the world a lot, ya pick up on a few things."
Rouge leaned even closer. "And does that mean that tu as appris un peu le français ? »
Sonic smirked. "Mama, I have no idea what ya just said, but I'm bettin' it has somethin' to do with wantin' to do me."
Rouge laughed. "Oh, you naughty little hedgie!"
Cosmo turned to Tails with a serious look on her face. "Do they always get this sexually charged when they flirt?"
Tails put down his Shirley Temple. "Knowing Rouge, I wouldn't put anything past her."
"All right, let's toast already, sexhog!" said Rouge.
Sonic grabbed his Roy Rogers. "To what?"
"To peace for all, love for one's fellow people…and gems! Oh…and sex!"
Sonic smiled. "Yeah, I can dig that!"
Sonic and Rouge toasted, and they drank up.
"Hey Cosmo, mind if I ask ya somethin'?" asked Sonic.
"Sure, what?" Cosmo took a sip of her Shirley Temple.
"Since when were ya Jewish?"
"It comes from my mom's side. According to the practices of Orthodox Judaism, anyone whose mother is Jewish also becomes irrevocably Jewish, even if they were to convert to another religion."
Sonic stroked his chin. "Heh, never knew that. Then again, I don't know too much about religion. Maybe I should read more on it."
Tails smiled. "I could help you! I'm quite the religious scholar myself!"
Sonic gave a thumbs up. "Yeah, that's bomb! Ya gotta lay this stuff on me for sure!"
Soon enough, the waitress came back with their food.
"Thank you!" said everybody.
Everybody started eating, especially Sonic, who was really inhaling his bacon-wrapped hot dogs, much to Rouge's chagrin:
"I know it's Christmas, but you don't have to jam food down your throat like that, Piglet Hog!*"
Sonic paused. "What? Can't a dude pig out in good company?"
Sonic continued to wolf down his food, and Rouge proceeded to make pig noises at him. He had to stop eating because he broke out laughing.
"Stop laughing, sillyhog! It's not funny!"
Sonic slapped his knee. "Sorry, Mama! You just sound so freakin' goofy when ya do that!"
Rouge glared at Sonic, only for her attention to be broken when Tails and Cosmo started laughing themselves.
"Don't encourage him, you two!" said Rouge.
Despite Rouge's exhortation – or perhaps because of it – everyone laughed even harder. As much as she wanted peace and order at the table, she too ended up laughing:
"I can't with all of you! I know I should be encouraging good eating habits, but all of you sound so cute when you're laughing!"
Sonic wrapped an arm around Rouge. "Love ya too, ya sexy mama!"
Rouge leaned against Sonic. "Oh, Sonic!"
After this little laughing fit, everyone continued eating. Cosmo gave a positive review of her food:
"This lo mein is so yummy! I think it's quite possibly the best I've ever had!"
Rouge nodded. "This is very good food, I'll say. Big Blue, you've really outdone yourself this time!"
Sonic gave a thumbs up. "I aim to rock!"
Rouge giggled. Meanwhile, Tails got up from his seat.
"Where are ya goin', Tails?" asked Sonic.
"I gotta go to the bathroom."
"Me too." Cosmo followed.
Tails and Cosmo ended up exiting their respective bathrooms at around the same time.
"Heh, didn't expect you to finish up so quickly," said Tails.
Cosmo raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"
Tails shrugged. "Oh…no reason. Let's just get back to our table."
Tails and Cosmo headed back to the table, only to discover Sonic and Rouge making out with each other, and during said makeout session, one of Sonic's hands had travelled down the front of Rouge's dress and was groping her chest, much to Tails' shock:
"Sonic, Rouge, you're supposed to be eating the food, not each other!"
Sonic and Rouge broke away from each other.
"What's the matter?" said Rouge. "Are you jealous that your bestie gets to smooch a smoking hot woman like me?"
Tails gave Rouge a look of resignation. Then, him and Cosmo casually sat back down at their spots and continued eating. Soon enough, the waitress arrived with their checks and fortune cookies.
"Ooh!" Rouge put her hands on her cheeks. "My favorite part!"
Rouge took a fortune cookie, tore off the plastic wrapping, cracked it open and read her fortune:
"Your home will be filled with peace and harmony." Rouge giggled. "Not with Shaddy and Omega around it won't!"
Cosmo opened hers next. "Pursue your dreams with vigor." She nodded. "I most certainly will!"
Tails opened his after. "A healthy body will benefit you for life."
"In bed!" said Sonic.
"What?"
"Oh, it's this game I heard about! So basically, ya add the words 'in bed' to the end of your fortune."
Rouge smirked. "Really? Well, if you think it's so fun, then why don't we hear your fortune, hon?"
"You're on!" Sonic cracked open his fortune cookie. "Fame and fortune lie ahead in bed."
Rouge burst out laughing.
"Laugh it up, Mama! You know ya want a slice of Sonic!"
Everyone else burst out laughing as well. An unconventional Christmas, to be sure, but one to be remembered.
*-The expression "piglet hog" is a registered trademark of KagamiPINKAgreste, used with permission.
Criticism is gold. Negativity and nitpicking are pyrite.
