A/N: Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everyone! Here's a short, light-hearted little fic for you all. Inspired by a conversation I had a few years ago with some friends. Credit to guilty-as-battery-charged and kittysfigurines24 on Tumblr for their parts!
Felix prepared to put the finishing touches on Niceland Apartments for Christmas, now that Mr. Litwak had left for vacation. From his perch on the eastern fire escape, he wrapped and stapled a cord of garland around the white brick ledge separating the eighth and ninth floors. Nicelanders milled about below him, busying themselves with stringing lights on the trees and bushes. The golden beams of the setting sun outside the doors of the arcade lit up the strands of tinsel lining the windows, and the handyman stopped to admire everyone's work.
He had left Ralph and Vanellope in charge of the lights on the front of the building, since Ralph could easily navigate the vertical space without tools and had never had a chance to decorate before. His colleague presently climbed up and down the building, stringing lights as he went, while his friend glitched between rooms to secure the lights to hooks installed along the windowsills.
"Almost done?"
Felix jumped in surprise, looking up to see Tamora descending from the tenth floor's fire escape. She leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips.
"I was just takin' in the second-prettiest sight around here before it suddenly got upstaged." He smiled and placed a hand on her leg.
She grinned back and affectionately pinched her husband's reddened cheek.
"With a honeyglow like that, we're not gonna need all those lights."
"Well they're just about ready, and I've got the ledges all gussied up!" The handyman tied a red-and-gold bow to the corner of the garland setup. "How're the connections?"
"All the bulbs are working," she replied with a thumbs-up. "I've got 'em wired up on three separate lines so the whole display doesn't have to go down if one strand burns out."
"Aww thanks ladylove, that'll save me a lotta headache later in case anything takes a turn."
They glanced over to where Ralph and Vanellope were finishing up, the wrecker and racer giggling at something as they threaded the ends of the wires together.
"With those two, you can bet on it." Tamora leaned against the brick siding. "Best outcome's that the building's still standing."
"I'm sure they'll do just fine, Tammy. Everyone's—"
"Hey Felix! All done!" Vanellope shouted from around the corner.
"That's great, Vanny! You two go ahead down, Tammy and I'll be right with you!"
Tamora spent the entire descent restraining a chuckle. Felix was just delighted that she felt the holiday spirit. A crowd of Nicelanders gathered around the front of the building as the four of them brought out the cables.
"Ready?" Ralph shook out the cord one last time to remove any coils.
"You do the honors, brother!"
"Alright, drumroll please!"
Vanellope leapt up with a devious smile and pounded her hands against Ralph's head as the wrecker pushed the two plugs together.
For an instant, the crowd oohed and aahed at the lights, before dissolving into muttering and horrified gasps when they noticed the particular shapes.
The word "PEE" (spelled out in appropriately yellow lights) shone proudly across the entire ninth and tenth floors of the apartment building, which otherwise stood resplendent in festive bows and ribbons. From somewhere in the crowd emerged a scandalized noise—between a yelp and a bark—that could only belong to Gene, but it was quickly drowned out by two distinct peals of laughter from the pair of best friends rolling on the ground.
"Ralph! Vanellope!" Felix turned to them in a panic. He hopped up and waved his arms, knowing full well it was futile in hiding the spectacle from anyone who could see their screen across the arcade.
"H-hey relax Felix, we— hah!—still put up the regular ones behind it," Ralph sputtered out. "Just gotta take down the yellow string and plug in the one underneath instead."
"Yeah c'mon, we planned ah-ahead!" Vanellope chimed in, struggling to stand up and popping a candy cane back in her mouth.
Felix sighed and put his face in his hands. He should've known that neither of them would've dissuaded whichever one came up with the idea. How they carried out the plan in plain sight was a mystery to him; it was almost impressive. He couldn't help but have a giggle at it himself.
"Oh- heh-okay, okay you two, just please put those back to normal later tonight. At least the ground display is still all— Tammy Jean! "
The sergeant, who had crept off in the confusion, snickered as she set the last lovingly-crafted wooden letter in place on the building's side lawn facing East Niceland. The display originally read "MERRY CHRISTMAS" in whimsical block lettering carved by Felix himself; her tampering had rearranged it to cheerfully announce "ASS TIME".
After taking a moment to admire her handiwork, she strolled over to where the rest of the group stood and fist-bumped an uproariously-laughing Ralph and Vanellope, with a bewildered Q*bert looking on.
"Nice one, Sarge!"
"Sugarplum! You were in on this too?!" Felix, in disbelief, attempted in vain to cover Vanellope's eyes.
"I needed a diversion and they needed a parallel circuit," she shrugged.
He stood in silence for a minute, looking from the lawn display to the lights, to the concerned Nicelanders, to his family gathered around him. The diminutive man took a deep breath and let out the tension in his posture.
"All right fellas, I'll admit when I'm beat. You got me. And..." He risked a glance at the cutesy wooden letters again and a snort escaped him. Well, it made his gal smile, and it wasn't insulting anyone. "...that is kinda funny—"
"Don't worry, we won't tell the 'stache over there," Vanellope nudged her head in Gene's direction and hopped onto Ralph's shoulder. The mayor still grumbled to himself about the lights, martini in hand, and luckily hadn't noticed much else.
"I'm sure he'll have something to say to me about it anyways. He always does..." Felix sheepishly adjusted the back of his hat as the pair headed off to take down their extra string of lights.
"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, consider that an invitation for later," Tamora grinned and pointed to her rearranged display before heading back to fix it.
Felix stood silent for a few seconds, then flushed at the realization.
"A-ah coming—lemme give you a hand with that, Tammy!"