It was a quiet Saturday night in Palo Alto and Jess and Sam were lounging around Sam's small apartment watching crappy cable and eating slightly burnt popcorn. Jessica laughed loudly at the episode of Friends that was currently playing.
"We need to find a coffee shop like Central Perk." Jessica said.
Sam smirked and placed a kiss on the side of her head and breathed in her floral shampoo.
"Starbucks not good enough for you anymore Jess?"
Jess turned herself around and plopped herself into Sam's lap and Sam let his hands rest on her hips. The blonde girl looked into the hazel eyes of the floppy haired twenty year old.
"C'mon, you telling me you wouldn't want that kind of life? Once you are done college don't you want to settle down somewhere? A group of friends that would do anything for you? Kind of like a family?"
Sam smiled sadly for a moment before covering it up by kissing Jess gently on the lips.
"Maybe someday. What about you Jess, you saying you want to run off to New York?"
Jess smiled softly.
"I'll make a home anywhere, as long as you are with me Sam."
Sam may not know much about serious relationships, but he doubted he would ever find something as good as this. He didn't know how he could love someone more than Jessica.
The moment was broken by the sound of ringing coming from somewhere in the house. Jessica frowned as she looked at both of their cell phones sitting on the end table.
"Shit." Sam said. He lifted Jessica off him and jogged into the kitchen pulling open the junk drawer. He pulled out an old and battered flip phone staring at the call display.
"Sam? Who is it?" Jess asked walking up beside him.
"An old friend... I gotta take this." Sam said.
"Okay..."
Jessica was confused by the secondary cell phone, but she decided to hold off on her questions. She watched as Sam took a deep breath and answered the call.
"Bobby?"
"Hey Kid, wasn't sure you still had this number."
Sam swallowed, there were few reasons that Bobby would be calling him.
"Are they okay?"
"Dean's fine... it's your Daddy."
"How bad?"
"Pretty bad Sam, he lost a lot of blood. They aren't sure if he is going to wake up this time."
Sam closed his eyes and began pacing the kitchen.
"Why are you telling me this Bobby?"
"Well, I guess I figured maybe you would want to know. Was I wrong?"
"No you aren't wrong it's just... why are YOU the one telling me?"
"Listen, I ain't getting involved in Winchester drama alright? Dean didn't want to call you, you're mad about Dean not calling you. I don't really give to shits. Your Dad is at Sioux Falls General, you do what you want with that information."
Sam looked at Jessica and the stubborn part of him who was so angry at his father and his brother wanted to go back to the couch and live in blatant ignorance. It screamed at him that his family didn't care about him, why should he give a shit if they lived or died.
But there was a rational side of Sam that told him it wasn't that simple. Despite their differences he knew his brother and father didn't hate him, even if they didn't agree with Sam leaving and Sam knew he didn't hate them either.
"Alright... I uhh... I gotta book a flight and rent a car and all that. I'll see if I can get something for tomorrow."
"No need. Your flight leaves tomorrow at 6 AM. I'll pick you up from the airport and you can stay with me. I'm not gonna let you spend all your money on flights and room and board."
Sam sighed in relief.
"Thank you Bobby... I'll pay you back."
"Just get your ass here ya idjit." Bobby said.
The phone hung up in Sam's ear and he finally sat down at the rickety kitchen table.
"Is everything okay?" Jess asked.
"No not really... I gotta go home for a little while."
"To Kansas?"
Oh right, he had told Jessica Kansas was home. Even though he hadn't lived there since he was a baby.
"Uhhh no. Sioux Falls South Dakota. My Uncle lives there, and I spent a lot of time there as a kid. My Dad was in a car accident, and he isn't doing so well. They aren't sure if he is going to make it."
Jessica frowned and crossed her arms across her chest.
"So, you are going to do what exactly?"
Sam shrugged.
"Jess it's complicated. I know I told you that I don't talk to my family. It's true. But he's my Dad, and if the worst happens I gotta be there for my brother."
Jess nodded.
"Okay, I get it. Do you need me to go with you?"
"No, Bobby already bought me a ticket. I gotta leave first thing in the morning."
"Okay, I'll take you to the airport. But Sam... When you get back... I want to know more about your family, okay?"
Sam covered her hands with his, thinking about all the things he could never tell her.
"I promise."
Sam landed in Sioux Falls the afternoon of the following day, and true to his word Bobby Singer was sitting in the parking lot in his old Chevelle. He gave the older man a one-armed hug before throwing his duffle into the back seat.
"Damn you got tall kid. Must be all that California sun."
Sam attempted to smile but it didn't quite make it to his face.
"How is he?"
"No change. You want me to take you straight there?"
"Please."
The ride was silent, and Sam began to get nervous as they pulled up to the hospital.
"Call me when you are ready to leave, I'll come get you bring you back to my place."
"You aren't coming in?"
Bobby sighed softly.
"No, your Daddy and I aren't on speaking terms. I don't want to add fuel to the fire. I only knew he was here cause I know a couple of people on staff. They remembered him hanging around when you kids were young."
Sam frowned.
"What happened with you and Dad?"
Bobby gave Sam a knowing glance.
"What do you think?"
"Oh yeah right...I'm sorry."
Bobby had been the only one Sam had felt was on his side two years ago. Sam has used the gruff hunters address for his college and scholarship applications, and while he had never directly told Bobby what they were, the man was far from stupid. He would give them to Sam in secret when the other Winchester's weren't looking. John had seen the address on the acceptance letter, and obviously the friendship between them had soured.
Bobby scoffed.
"Don't be sorry for wanting a life kid. I'd do it again. Now off you git, call me and I will come get you. Oh by the way, ask for David Brinksby. That's what the insurance card said."
Sam watched as Bobby drove away from the hospital and quickly made his way inside. He remembered this hospital very well. He had been brought here once when he broke his arm. He remembered sitting by Dean's bedside when his older brother had gotten his tonsils out. It didn't make him feel any better about why he was here. He approached the desk and looked down at the blonde nurse at the computer.
"I'm looking for David Brinksby?" Sam said.
"I can't give you any information on patients sure."
"He's my dad, he was hurt pretty bad I just need to see him."
The nurse looked at Sam in sympathy.
"Do you have any ID?"
"No I don't I ran out of the house so fast I forgot my wallet. Look you can send an escort if you want I just need to-"
"Sammy?"
Sam closed his eyes and then turned toward the familiar voice. The same leather jacket, the same scuffed boots, and the same frown that had rarely been pointed in Sam's direction.
"Hey Dean."
The two young men stared at each other for a long time, unable to take a step towards each other.
"Do you know this man Mr. Brinksby?"
Dean blinked and looked at the nurse and then back to Sam. Dean was angry and he wanted nothing more than to say no and watch Sam get dragged out by security.
"Yeah... Um... He's my brother." Dean finally said.
"Very well, I will let you pass this time. But next time? You need to bring ID."
"Yes, Ma'am."
Dean continued past Sam and walked through a set of doors, and as Sam had done most of his life, he followed his brother. He stayed on step behind Dean the entire walk until they reached a left turn, Sam turned the corner and was instantly pulled against the wall. Dean hadn't been taking him to his father's room he had been looking for a secluded location.
"What are you doing here Sam?" Dean seethed.
Sam frowned but made no move to pull his brother's hands off of his collar.
"Bobby called and told me it was bad. So I figured..."
"Figured what? You were going to come here for some death bed apology?"
Sam felt rage bubbling up inside of him and he finally made an attempt to get himself from Dean's grasp. Sam had gotten taller in the last 2 years, but he had lost some of that trademark hunter muscle.
"I'm not here to apologize Dean. I'm here to make sure he is okay."
"And what gives you the right exactly? You walked away. We haven't heard from you in two years."
Sam finally got his brother to release him, and he balled his hands into fists.
"You know what? Screw you Dean. I get it okay? I got it the second I walked out that door. I may not be the son he wanted, hell I may not be the brother you wanted. But he is my Dad too."
Dean flinched and nearly dropped his coffee. Sam took a step forward and looked at Dean sharply.
"He is my dad too. And if this is it? I have just as much right to be here as you."
The two brothers stood in the hall of the hospital for a moment, both of them getting their rage under control. Well Sam was getting his rage under control. Dean on the other hand appeared to be deep in his own thoughts.
"He's in room 214. I'll give you some time." Dean said.
Sam walked up to the room and hesitated before opening the door. He was shocked when his eyes fell on his father. John Winchester had always appeared larger than life. Even when Sam fought against everything his father was teaching him, he could understand the respect other hunters had for the man. He was a soldier and though Sam had seen the Winchester Patriarch injured many times, it was strange to see him look so small in that hospital bed.
Sam could see the bulk of bandages under the blankets and there was a tube in John's throat that was obviously helping him breathe. No matter their problems he never wanted this to happen to his father.
Sam pulled a chair up beside the bed and laid his hand on his father's wrist feeling a steady pulse thumping away under his father's skin.
"Hey Dad." Sam whispered. "I don't really know what to say to you here, I'm not even sure if you want me here but... if you can hear me you have to wake up."
Sam sighed.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be, I know you don't believe this, but I tried. I wanted to be like you and Dean for a long time. I wanted to be worthy of being a Winchester. But when I realized I couldn't be, that I would never measure up I had to try and find some place that I fit. And I did. I know you couldn't possibly understand but I finally fit in my own skin. Even met a girl."
Sam smiled and looked at his father's face.
"She is tough as nails, doesn't put up with any of my bullshit. I really think you would like her."
Sam rose and looked at his father one last time.
"I'm still angry, but I always hoped that someday we could fix this. If you don't want that, then I accept that. But at least come back for Dean. I found my own way, but he still needs you. You are all he's got."
Sam knew he could no longer count his brother in his corner, maybe someday he could fix that too. But it wouldn't be today.
"Goodbye Dad."
Sam exited the room and was surprised to see Dean leaning against the wall.
"I said my piece."
Dean nodded and handed a cup of coffee he was holding to Sam, maybe this was his brother extending him an olive branch.
"Good."
"Do you need me to do anything?"
Dean shook his head and kept his eyes on the floor.
"Not your job Sam."
Okay, not an olive branch after all.
"Right... well I guess I'll get going. Could you know... call me? Let me know if there is any change?"
Dean scoffed.
"I don't even have your number."
Sam looked at his brother, the tension between them was palpable.
"Course you do, how do you think Bobby got ahold of me in the first place?"
Dean looked up in surprise, he said nothing but seemed to be chewing on that for a moment.
"Come on, I'll take you back to Singer's." Dean said pushing himself away from the wall.
"It's okay Dean, I'll get Bobby to pick me up. What if Dad wakes up?"
"He won't."
Sam could tell his brother was hiding something from him, but with two years between them he couldn't read his brother like he used to.
"Okay, thanks I appreciate it."
Sam followed Dean through the halls and across the parking lot towards the black muscle car. Sam smiled softly to himself and ran his hands across the top of the car. He saw the smirk on his brother's face from the driver's side.
"Sorry, just good to see her again."
"I get it."
The first 10 minutes of the drive was quiet, and Sam nearly jumped when Dean's voice boomed through the silence.
"You really never changed your number?"
"Well I mean... I got a new phone in Palo Alto, just never cancelled the other one, just in case..."
Sam let his voice taper off, but obviously Dean had heard his unspoken words.
"Usually works better if you let people know your phone is still working Sammy."
Sam shrugged.
"Anyone of importance would have known it was working if they... you know called it." Sam bristled.
Dean didn't seem to have a rebuttal to that.
The two Winchester brothers pulled up out front of Singer Salvage and sat in the car for a moment. When Sam realized his brother had nothing to say, he simply made his leave allowing the door to close with a creak. He began to make his way towards the rickety house and stopped at his brother's voice.
"Sammy, wait."
Dean made his way towards his brother and finally looked him in the eye.
"What you said? About not being the brother I wanted?"
Sam swallowed.
"What about it?"
"That's not... I don't want you walking away thinking for one more second that that is true."
"Dean it's okay... I'm not mad about it. It is what it is."
"Stop." Dean growled. "Listen, I don't get you okay? I don't understand why you hated this life so badly, or why you had to run away. I will never get why you don't understand that what we do is important. And I will never understand how you can pretend to be ignorant of what's out there in the dark. I don't get you at all. But that doesn't mean you aren't the brother I wanted."
"Dean..." This is where Sam was supposed to say something heartfelt, but he couldn't get the words out.
Dean turned around and made his way back towards the car but took one last look at his little brother.
"I still believe that someday, somehow you will realize you are one of us, but if that doesn't happen... I hope you find everything you are looking for."
With that Dean returned to his car and drove away. And Sam felt the pang of abandonment, he wondered if this is what Dean felt watching Sam leave two years ago.
The following day Sam made his way back to the hospital.
He wasn't surprised to find out that John had woken in the night.
He was even less surprised to find out that his father had disappeared from the hospital.
On his way downstairs his old, battered flip phone buzzed in his pocket with a simple text.
"Go Home."
Sam's fingers hovered over the call button, but he knew his brother wouldn't answer anyway. John would most likely not even know he was every here. Sam was like a ghost, drifting on the peripheral of his family's life. And just like a spirit he had no business being here anymore. Time for his own personal salt and burn.
He called the airport to book a flight back to California.
It was time to go home.