ATUHOR'S NOSE: Meowy catsmas everynyan! ? This chapter doesn't have anything to do with the holiday but it's an excuse to polish and post a mostly-finished chapter draft I've been waffling over for a few days now for reasons of "I completely changed my workflow to get away from Google and this will be the first chapter posted from outside Docs".

Also I know I said I give up on chapter titles but I thought of "Norting is a scheme invented by Big X to sell more X's" and... well, it's well past FFN's chapter length limits, but I used it on AO3 at least. Just know that it's canon.

I'd just started the autopilot and started digging through my bag when the intrusive voice made their return.

The hell you're crossing animals to pass the time. You said you were gonna nap.

"... strictly speaking, I said I could nap."

If you're not going to sleep, we're going to do something else constructive. I've been going through your memories —

"You what —"

I live in your brain, what'd you expect? I'm only looking at important stuff anyway. Like Nox's reports, and that robot that appeared after the explosion in Radiant Garden.

... come to think of it, I hadn't heard of anything on the flux front in a while. I had to imagine Luke and DiZ were still doing their thing.

"Okay, so we have three objectives. Fix this Marco situation, beat Big X, and figure out what all this other stuff is about."

Four, rescue Roxas and five, form our team of greys.

I waggled my hand noncommittally. "Aren't those just steps in 'beat Big X'?"

Rescuing Roxas, sure. The team plan, though, I've grown personally invested in in and of itself and think it would be a good idea even if we somehow manage to take down 'Big X' unrelatedly.

"... I'll think about it." ... "Also what is this 'we', you don't exist, remember?"

Tempe. Kitty. Really? You're seriously insisting on keeping up that charade?

"What, it's not like I'm gonna dig up your birth certificate suddenly," I grumbled, folding my arms and turning in an arbitrary direction I somehow decided constituted 'away'.

We're not gonna find yours either at the moment.

"Yeah, well, we at least know it used to exist."

Do we? Have we seen it? Also, what is this 'we', I don't exist, remember?

"... I just remembered I forgot to actually talk to Eclipsa about joining our team of greys. Dang it."

Back to just ignoring me, all right, very cool. I'll talk to you again when and if I get bored. Go to Radiant Garden when you get a chance and follow up on that robot. Also, put the 3DS down and take a damn nap.

I snapped the console shut irritatedly. "Maybe I should. Maybe these auditory hallucinations will go away when I'm less sleep-deprived."

... no, obviously I didn't end up sleeping, that would've been sensible. Not that I didn't try. But every time I closed my eyes my mind flooded with all the things I could be doing instead and why wasn't I working on those when every second wasted was potential lives lost and — listen, you try sleeping in conditions like that.

It doesn't matter. I got to the tower and I snapped a few pictures of the library and texted them to Marco and Marco cut a portal here and we had established transportation between here and Mewni. Done. What next. Research. Grab a few Keyblade books. Figure out how Heartless even know there is a Keyblade to be stalking it like that. Ignore the magenta voice trying to tell me I had a "nuclear win button" I could be using instead. I had no such damn thing.

I'm telling you, Yen Sid must know at least 70% of this already.

"I'm not. Taking this. To him."

Coward.

I wasn't going to dignify that with a response. Besides, I had books to dive into.

...

"Tempest."

I'd been so focused on my research that I somehow completely forgot other people used this tower. Thankfully Aqua got my attention with a tap on the shoulder before she spoke, otherwise I'd have flown through the roof. "Aqua! Um... hi! What time is it? ... what time did I get here...?"

"I don't know when you arrived, but it's fairly late now." She was casually peering over the books as she said this. "Are you researching another barrier spell?"

"Of a sort, yeah." I took a moment to weigh my options. "... Y'know how the Heartless go after anyone who has a Keyblade? I'm trying to figure out how they detect it so I can block them when it's inconvenient."

"I see. I always just fought them off," she admitted. "A strong show of force tends to intimidate them into leaving you alone for a while. But a solution that doesn't fade away the moment you go somewhere else could come in handy on occasion."

I nodded at Aqua's words, then turned to the books and frowned. "These books have a lot to say, but they're missing the specific element I need... I th... think I'm gonna have to do some science," I said, yawning.

"It seems to me more like you have to do some sleep," Aqua said.

"I don't have time for sleep. What I need is some coffee," I shot back. "Or like, a caffeinated soda or something. I haven't seen a single soda anywhere outside Earth-like worlds like Shibuya and Mewni, what's up with that?"

Aqua frowned very loudly. "That's a very unhealthy approach, Tempest..."

"Look, Xehanort isn't going to just wait around for me to put all my ducks in a row before he strikes. I mean I know this is a video game and nothing happens until the main character causes it to happen but the main character is Sora so I'm still on a time limit."

"The world doesn't actually work like that —" Aqua shook her head. "Tempest, when did you last get some sleep?"

"I took a nap on the flight here."

Liar.

Shut up, you don't exist.

Aqua clearly doesn't believe you. (I didn't want to give a nonexistent fake nothing the satisfaction of taking their words seriously... but I could see it on Aqua's face plainly enough already.) I could very easily force the issue. You think she'd be willing to cast Sleep on us?

There is! No! US! I am ME, nobody else! And yes I do remember where that line comes from!

The voice sighed. Forget it. It's moot anyway.

"Wh—" and belatedly I realized that while I'd been distracted Aqua had gathered up all my books and handed them off to broom servants.

"You're marching straight to a dorm room and sleeping for at least eight solid hours. You don't get the books back until you've done that."

I glared at Aqua.

She glared back at me.

...

"You wanted me to train you?" Aqua said. "Well, I don't allow my apprentices to run themselves ragged."

I faltered. I had completely forgotten I had asked her that. I wasn't sure what to do now that she was bringing it back up. But I couldn't sleep. I had tried. What was I gonna do, curl up in bed and just sit there awake for eight hours stewing in my own thoughts?

That would still constitute rest, but I have an even better plan. "... okay," my impossible hallucination said with my mouth, somehow, "but given the sudden change of gears, I'm still a little too caffeinated to sleep naturally at the moment."

Aqua's expression suddenly hardened.

And she summoned her Keyblade.

"Who are you."

I groaned and slumped over, head planted firmly on the table. "Good going, jackass, now she thinks I'm possessed, on top of everything else."

"... two of you?"

I threw my hands up in the air, which probably looked very silly considering that my face was still on the table. "No, I just have an insomnia-induced hallucination that sometimes can talk through my mouth. Somehow. I choose to assert that this is something insomnia-induced hallucinations can do."

The voice stepped in again. "Tem's in denial. For multiple reasons. Only some of which are even possible for you to comprehend. And none of which I intend to be the one to tell you — just cause I know her reasons doesn't mean I'm letting kitty off the hook for explaining herself. ... As for who I am, would you believe me if I said I'm not entirely sure? I mean I know some things but it's a woefully incomplete picture. Just help her finally get some rest, please? I promise I'll follow up later."

... I presume Aqua's expression reflected her reaction to this in some way, but again, face on the table. So I couldn't actually see. Still, she clearly had a reaction, because the next thing I heard was —

"Sleep."

I regained consciousness in a dorm bed, at a time I have been reliably informed was about eleven hours later.

And I had a damn headache.

... but other than that, I was surprisingly okay. My stream of consciousness was back down to its normal swift-but-quiet level. My vision was blurry, but only because I wasn't wearing my glasses; the ten or so inches I could see clearly without them weren't swimming. Neither was the blurry rest of the world, for that matter.

"... why does nobody in canon Kingdom Hearts wear glasses, anyway?" I mused as I sat up and put mine on.

Good morning to you too, kitty.

I sighed. "So you're still here after all." With my mind back on the rails, I could admit to myself that this prospect had been part of my reason for avoiding sleep — as long as I was sleep-deprived, I could tell myself that this voice was an insomnia hallucination, instead of confronting the obvious truth.

And the obvious truth meant the only way to figure out what was going on was to do something very specific. Something I could have done a long time ago, if not for the fact that I hated what it represented with every fiber of my being.

"I want it on record that I'm doing this solely because I've been presented with an obstacle with no other solution. Lousy goddamn meta-ass author..." I took a deep breath, steeled myself, and closed my eyes to focus...

... but after a quick glance past the fourth wall, I was actually more confused. "... you're clearly here because she learned something about herself, I worked that one out on some level the moment you started texting me. But... you clearly aren't a counterpart the way I am, and in fact, I can't find anyone that particularly resembles you."

The magenta-ish, featureless, hazy, androgynous figure leaning casually at the foot of my bed shrugged. "I'm sure she can go into complete detail on her own time, if she's really that keen on infodumping about me — but suffice to say, I'm quite thoroughly me, and nobody else."

I groaned. "You are never gonna let me live that one down, are you. ... I see you can manifest after all. Or is this one of those 'only I can see it' sorta things?"

They glanced down at themself and shrugged again. "Not sure. Didn't check."

I tossed a pillow at them.

They caught it.

"There we have it. You're a physical form."

"Or a really thorough hallucination," they countered. "... probably not, though," they added as they dropped it back onto the bed.

"I guess I could just be losing my mind, yeah," I admitted. "Though less so than yesterday, now that I'm not completely zonked out on sleep deprivation." I took another deep breath to center myself. "... I don't know how to self-evaluate that."

"I'm almost sure that's an inherently impossible thing to do."

"I wouldn't call it impossible per se," I countered, "but I get the idea. But I don't want to deal with..." And I trailed off as I remembered that the "hide my problems from everyone" ship had quite thoroughly sailed. "Hmm. Talk to Aqua. Ask who else she's mentioned this to. Have you do your thing and see if she can see it. ... Ask if she thinks I'm literally crazy or not."

The figure bapped me on the forehead. (I wasn't sure when exactly they had approached me.) "Don't be like that. It's mean."

"And who are you to — actually, forget that part, who are you, end of sentence?"

"Did we not just go over this?"

Now it was my turn to bap them on the forehead. "Name and pronouns, jerk. Please."

"'Jerk, please'? Are you being mean or nice? But on topic," they hastily added, backing away a bit before I bapped them again, "I haven't picked a name yet and you can do whatever for pronouns. I just kinda exist, y'know? Exist and needle you a little bit."

I sighed. "Do you want to pick a name, or are you content remaining mysteriously nameless?

"Mm, good question. Do we wanna make her go to the effort of figuring out how I'll name myself, or the effort of dealing with the fact that I don't have one...?"

"I mean I would most prefer if my life and its decisions didn't revolve around her," I reminded them. "There's a reason I avoid fourth wall stuff. I don't like using her 'gifts'. ... why are we emphasizing her like this?"

"I dunno, you started it. You're the one that has a complex about that woman, not me."

Another sigh. "Never mind. Let's focus on something else now. Like what to do next."

"Try brushing your teeth, your breath stinks."

I winced, half because they were clearly right, I could taste the morning breath — or whatever time of time it was — but mostly because I was mortified they'd noticed it. "... wait, can you actually smell my breath or can you just tell cause you live in my brain?"

"I have no idea, Tem, and I am not checking."

After brushing my teeth, taking some headache medicine, and, upon a moment's reflection, adding a shower to that, I finally emerged from the borrowed dorm room, reasonably well-rested and generally hinged for the first time in several days.

Aqua, of course, was right outside the door.

A bit resignedly, I greeted her. "Good morning, er..." Attempted to greet her. "... a thought. Last time the topic of address came up you didn't want to be called 'Master', but -" you were still kinda broken, I decided not to say. "- is that different if I'm to be your apprentice?"

Aqua let out a small laugh. "You know, I've realized that you seem to break every rule that exists, whether you even want to or not."

"I was apparently brought here for the explicit purpose of cheating with extrauniversal knowledge," I said, cracking a grin myself. "Or is it extrauniversal? I suppose the... my home world, whatever it's called, is technically part of this same multiverse." I shrugged. "Functionally extrauniversal, anyway, so it's the same point."

"That it is," Aqua said. "So there's a sort of logic to it all. ... I think it probably doesn't matter how you address me."

"All righty then," I said. "Anyway, as I was trying to say before, good morning, Aqua. Or whatever time it is. I haven't seen my phone since waking up."

"It's morning," Aqua reassured me. "Late morning, but morning. ... Is our guest here as well?"

"Yeah, I'm here," a voice interjected from right above my shoulder.

"Hold up, why are you tiny now?" I interrupted, pointing at the figure, now scaled down to a size that let them sit casually on my shoulder. "You weren't tiny a moment ago."

"It was this or stand behind you like —" Fake-Ansem's Guardian thing. "— well, a Stand. But you've never actually watched Jojo, so I decided to go with this option. ... If you're asking how I'm tiny, the answer is magic, obviously. I'm using magic to manifest in the first place, so I'm just using it differently to manifest tiny."

"... sure, that tracks." I looked back to Aqua. "Oh, you are seeing this, right? We had questions about whether anyone else could see them other than me, but I think they're actually physically manifested right now and not —"

Aqua answered that by poking the entity in their shoulder.

"Really, Aqua? I'm a whole-ass person, not one of those purse dogs."

"It answered the question," she responded simply. "You're physically manifested. And solid, too, not an illusion."

"How do you know I'm not just mind-illusioning both of you?" they responded, sticking their tongue out.

I frowned loudly, thinking about it. "I wanna say that's just implausible, but I don't know enough about illusion magic to be confident."

"A mind-affecting illusion like that would be fairly high-level magic," Aqua said.

"Ah. So yes, that's just implausible."

"Not if I've been studying illusions when you weren't looking~"

"When even would you have done that‽"

"Given that you've been actively ignoring me up til like an hour ago, I've got loads of plausible time."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I could continue this argument — my brain was even now supplying a logical counterargument — but I was almost sure at this point that the voice was just needling me and had definitely not actually been studying illusion magic while I wasn't looking. "Sure, Jan."

"Is that their name, Jan?" Aqua asked.

"No, that's memes." I tilted my head thoughtfully. "I mean, it could also be their name if they wanted it to be."

"My name is not Jan."

"It could be!"

"It's not."

"Bah, you're no fun." They seemed to find that inordinately amusing and didn't give a response through their giggling. "So," I turned to Aqua, "you can see what I've been dealing with the past several days. Except — hey, wait a minute." I had a sudden thought and turned back to the magenta figure on my shoulder. "If you live in my brain, why wasn't the sleep deprivation affecting you?"

They looked taken aback by that assertion. "It was, Tempe. You saw how I was biting your head off. Surely you didn't think that was solely because you were being a total paranoiac...?"

I faltered. Obviously I had thought that, but it seemed rude to say so —

"Forget it, kitty, I can read your mind, I already know."

"Well that's no fair!" I exclaimed. "Why can't I read your mind whenever I want?"

They shrugged. "I have theories, but I'm not gonna speculate out loud. Don't want people forming models about me and getting mad that it's not the model they had in their head. You remember how people could be."

I shuddered. "I don't miss that one bit. Anyway — we've established most things at this point, I think, what's left?"

"I believe you were doing some spell research," Aqua said. "Now that you're not delirious, what are your thoughts on that?"

Right. That. "... this is an old problem," I muttered. "I can't be the first person to have ever looked into it." There was a really obvious course of action here, and now that I wasn't out of my mind, it was starting to look more and more like the only feasible one.

My stance on the subject remains the same, kitty.

Of course it does. "I think Master Yen Sid might be able to help with this." And hey, he might not ask why I'm looking into this!

Y'know, if you just come clean, you won't have to worry about it anymore.

Yeah but listen, let me have my fantasy for like five minutes.