Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, claim ownership to Hook, OUAT, the Addams Family, MCU, Grimm, or Harry Potter. They belong to their respective creators, no matter how terrible some may be. I do not get any monetary gain, this is purely my mind playing in the sandbox they created.
Night was falling as Peter stumbled his way over to the Banquet Table, his back aching and a rag over him. There he found all the Lost Boy getting ready for dinner, his son sitting next to Pockets, and Rufio off to the side. He moved over and sat next to Harry. The smell of the food intoxicating to both son and father who hadn't eaten since before they arrived in Neverland.
Peter picked up two large spoons. Latchboy stopped him from across the table. "No-no-no! We don't use 'em!" "Then why do you have them?" Peter asked. "We have them so we don't have to use them!" Latchboy responded. "That makes no sense-" Harry was cut off as Thud Butt sat down next to Latchboy, causing their whole bench to tilt.
Don't Ask, No Nap, and Latchboy all complained, so Thud Butt stood up and moved to sit closer to the middle. Harry belted out laughing. Peter looked at his son in surprise. This whole kidnapping/rescue mission had brought out a side in Harry he had never seen before.
Suddenly Rufio sat down and all fell quiet. He put his hands together and everyone followed. "Everybody say grace." Peter began to pray but qas cut off as the Lost Boys all shouted "GRACE!!!" and started removing lids and tearing into the food.
Except something was wrong. There was nothing there. Harry and Peter watched and salivated as the Lost Boys seemed to mime eating food. Thud Butt mimed taking a large bite out of something and mumbled, "Dis is gud!" Tink even let out a polite little burp she covered either her hand.
"Are you eating that?" Thud Butt asked Harry, pointing to his empty bowl. Harry looked down and handed it over. "Help yourself Thud." Tink looked over at them. "Eat!" "What's the deal? Where's the real food?" Peter asked.
"If you can't remember yourself being Peter Pan you won't be Peter Pan so eat up!" She replied. "Eat what? There's nothing here! Ghandi ate more than this!" Peter shot back. "Don't you remember? This used to be your favourite game!" Peter responded but was cut off by Rufio throwing a plate at him.
"You can't! Eat your heart out you crinkled, wrinkled fat bag." Peter was affronted. "You're a very ill-mannered young man-" "You're a slug eating worm!" Rufio spat. "Someone has a severe caca mouth. Do you know that?" Peter stated.
"You are a fart factory! Slug-slime sack of rat guts and cat vomit..cheesy scab. .picked pimple-squeezing finger bandage! A week-old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!" Rufio shouted. Harry snarled. "Says the crotch gremlin of Pepé le Pew!" Rufio turned to him with a smirk. "Mung Tongue!"
"Syphilis Sniffler!" Harry shot back. "Pinhead!" Rufio shouted, standing up. "Scurvy pig kisser!" Harry retorted. "Motherlover!" Rufio taunted. Harry was confused. "How is that an insult?" "When you're older son." Peter answered, before standing and staring at Rufio. "Near-sighted gynaecologist."
"In your face, camelcake!" Rufio responded. "In your rear, cow derrière." Peter jested calmly. Rufio was starting to lose ground. "Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig!" Peter shot back fast. "You lewd crude bag of pre-chewed food dude." The Lost Boys cheered. "Bangarang Peter!!!"
Rufio was speechless. Peter however wasn't done, and Harry watched his dad in awe. "Hey Ruifo! If I'm a maggot burger why don't you just eat me! You zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain, munching on your own mucus suffering from Peter Pan envy!"
"What's a Paramecium brain?" Don't Ask questioned. "I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain that can't fly! Don't mess with me, man I'm a lawyer!" Peter sat down with his arms crossed and huffed. "Go dad!" Harry cheered.
The Lost Boys began to chant. "Banning! Banning! Banning!" Peter took a scoop from an empty bowl. "Oh Rufio~ Why don't you just suck on a dead dog's nose?" He made a motion of flinging the spoon, and everyone fell silent.
Rufio reached up to his face and wiped it. Pulling his hand away he saw blue, pink, and yellow coloured ice cream. Peter looked at his spoon in shock. It was also covered in ice cream. Harry gasped as Too Small said "You're doing it Peter!" "Doing what?" Harry asked. "He's using his imagination Harry." Pockets answered.
The father and son looked over the table once more and saw it was magically covered in every food imaginable. There was roast turkey, ice cream cakes, rock salt, giant red grapes and small pear shaped watermelons, blood oranges, Dragon fruits and candy apples. In front of Thud Butt there was even a large slice of cheese with his name on it.
He looked at the two with pure joy on his face. "You're playing with us, Peter!" Soon enough everyone dug in once more, with the two Bannings joining this time. Pockets handed a goblet to Harry's father. "Here's your coco Peter!" The man eagerly drank from it, leaving a milk moustache.
"How is it dad?" Harry asked. "Bangarang!" Peter answered with a smile. "Peter!" Thud Butt called out. Peter looked up only to get hit in the face by ice cream. "Catch!" Tink let out a loud and wilf laugh at his face. Peter slowly stood up, before launching ice cream back at Thud Butt.
Soon enough everyone was launching food back and forth, with Tink trying to avoid the spray. Peter jumped up onto the table and threw some at Harry, catching him in the face. "Bangarang!" Eveeyone then started throwing ice cream and food at Peter. "BANGARANG!!!!"
Rufio slowly walked up and grabbed a coconut. "Hey Pan, catch this!" He threw the coconut, and one of the Lost Boys tossed Peter a sword as everyone yelled at him to watch out. Peter spun on instinct with a flourish, slicing the coconut in half.
Everyone looked up at Peter with a smile of awe. As Perer stared down at his sword, Thud Butt whispered, "Bangarang..." Peter dropped the sword onto the table with a deep breath.