Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! I hope you've had a wonderful day.

Silence

(A 5x09 post episode 'filler')

With his belly full from their Christmas feast, his mind a little hazy from the mulled wine and his heart swelling with love for the woman in his bed, wrapped cosily in his arms, Castle had drifted off to sleep just a little after midnight.

Beckett, however, could not succumb to her need for sleep no matter how hard she tried. The hours ticked by slowly as she listened to her partner's slow, even breaths and felt the steady beating of his heart under her hand on his chest. Usually his calm and comforting presence would have her drifting off with ease, but not tonight. As the digital numbers on Castle's bedside clock changed to 3am, she gave up on the idea of a decent night's sleep and pulled herself out of bed.

If she were home she would put on a movie, bring a blanket and a her pillow out to the couch and fall asleep there. But she was still just a guest here, she didn't quite feel comfortable enough to make herself at home - particularly with Martha and Alexis sleeping soundly upstairs - so instead she just wandered aimlessly around the loft.

Even with all the lights off, the bottom floor of the loft was illuminated by the soft glow of fairy lights from the Christmas tree.

She walked closer to the extravagant display, tentatively touched the bristles of the tree and inhaled the crisp, pine scent of Christmas and allowed the silence of the night to comfort her.

It really was beautiful, even if a little more excessive than she'd ever been used to. Her mother - the true Christmas lover of the Beckett family - would have been completely awestruck by the Christmas Wonderland that was formerly Castle's loft. Beckett smiled and closed her eyes as she tried to imagine her mother's face: the wide eyed, slack-jawed expression she would undoubtedly have if she were ever to have seen it.

Sorrow hit her unexpectedly, like an ocean storm wave crashing against a cliff and stealing the air from her lungs. This was yet another chapter of her life that she couldn't share with her mother.

The longing to see her mother never left her; but lately it had felt heavier than ever before. She wished she had just one more day, that she could show off the life she was building for herself, the man she had found that loved her almost unconditionally. She wanted to her mother to know him, to know his family who had accepted her with open arms. She knew without a doubt that her mother would be overjoyed for her, would be proud of how far she had come over the years, but her heart yearned to actually hear those words again.

"Kate?"

Castle's voice startled her. She opened her eyes and looked around the dimly lit room until she found him leaning against the door frame of his office. As she stared at him, silent, the curiosity on his face quickly morphed into a look of concern.

He pushed off from the door frame and hurried toward her.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he cupped her face, used the gentle swipe of his thumbs along her cheekbones to clear away tears she hadn't realised had fallen.

"I'm fine," she whispered. She wrapped her hand around his forearm, turned her head slightly and pressed her lips to the inside of his wrist. "I hope I didn't wake you," she spoke against his skin.

"You didn't," he assured her. "I rolled over and you weren't there anymore. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled herself closer. When he folded his arms around her shoulders she leant her head on his chest and closed her eyes, allowing herself to be comforted by his warm embrace.

"I pushed you too far," he said quietly after a few moments.

She shook her head vehemently as she pulled away.

"No, Castle, you didn't."

She looked into his eyes, could see the pain behind the sea of blue that sparkled in the glow of fairy lights. She knew that he hated to see her so upset, that he wished he could 'fix it' for her so she never had to cry another tear.

"I'm exhausted," she admitted. "And maybe a little overwhelmed by it all, but that's not on you."

She combed her fingers through the hair behind his ear, smiled the most reassuring smile she could muster before brushing a delicate kiss to his lips.

"I love you. I love your family. And I'm glad I came tonight because all of it was perfect." She inhaled a deep, slightly shaky breath, exhaled slowly before continuing. "Unfortunately, for me, this is just a part of it all now. I didn't want that to ruin your Christmas, that's why-"

"Stop." He palmed the back of her head, leant his forehead against hers. "You're not ruining anything, don't even think that for a second."

She nodded, held back the fresh tears that his reassurances had forming in her eyes. It was an odd feeling, being so happy but so sad at the same time.

"I know how important this is to you."

"Not as important as you are," he countered without hesitation. "I understand what Christmas has meant to you for all these years and I know that isn't going to change over one Christmas dinner. But you don't have to mourn her alone anymore, Kate."

His hands dropped to her hips and hers fisted the material of his shirt at his sides.

"I know."

They stood together in silence until her tears dried and her breathing evened out, until her heavy heart calmed and the gentle whispers of enticed her to take her partner's hand and lead him back to bed.

Gifts

For Charlie - thank you for your constant support and for the wonderful gift idea!

(Set season 4, Christmas time)

For over three years now Castle had struggled with one thing: knowing how to say enough without crossing that line into too much. It wasn't a problem he had with everyone. No, just her. Just Beckett.

He honestly hadn't expected her to agree to a gift exchange this year. Last year, he had been included in the precinct's Secret Santa draw and (thankfully) pulled her name. Two MLB partial-season tickets for her and her father may have been a little over the agreed budget - and a dead giveaway that he had been her Secret Santa - but the smile on her face was worth every cent he had paid. Even after she had lectured him on being so over the top, he didn't regret a thing.

But this year was different. He wanted to give her a gift that meant something; a gentle reminder that he loved her, that he was waiting for her but that he wasn't trying to rush her. He wanted to give her something that symbolised their friendship, of how much he cared for her but everything he came up with seemed to be either too extreme, certain to scare her off, or too impersonal.

That was how he ended up here, in this moment: standing in Beckett's living room in absolute silence; his heart beating so fast it might just thump, thump, thump it's way right out of his damn chest; watching as she stared at the small box in her hands.

He could probably guess what she was thinking - after all, it was blaringly obvious that the small white box was designed to hold a ring - and given the shift in their relationship over the past few months, he couldn't blame her for the panic she couldn't quite hide from her face. But no, he wasn't jumping the gun, he was sure of it.

"Just open it," he quietly urged. "I can explain it once you open it."

His half-smile must have been enough to reassure her: she slowly untied the red ribbon bow and opened the box. She studied the ring inside for a few short moments.

"I've seen this design before," she said as she looked up at him, ready for his explanation.

Castle smiled. "It's a traditional Irish Claddagh ring," he informed her. "I'm pretty sure Jenny wears one."

Beckett nodded. "That's right! Her sisters all wear one, too."

"They're often gifted to close friends, siblings or... partners." He stepped closer so that he could gesture to each part of the ring as he spoke. "The hands are a symbol of friendship, the crown denotes loyalty and the heart-"

He hesitated, his mind screaming too much, too much! But when he peeled his eyes away from the small silver band to look into his partner's eyes, it didn't feel like too much at all.

Beckett smiled. "That symbol is pretty universal. I think I can figure it out," she said with a small laugh. "Thank you, Castle. I love it."

The sincerity in her voice did nothing to calm his racing heart; he felt it swell in his chest. And as she stepped closer, wrapped her arms around his waist and leant her head against his chest he was sure it was about to burst open!

He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, savouring the moment he knew wouldn't last.

Disappointment - the kind you grow all too familiar with when it comes to unrequited love (or, at the very least, unacknowledged love) - settled over him as she removed herself from his embrace, but he wouldn't let it show. He smiled the brightest smile he could muster and eliminated any potential awkward silence by passing on the information the sales assistant had given him.

"The lady that sold it to me did want me to make sure you knew how to wear it correctly."

"Wear it correctly?" she repeated, as if she may have misheard him. "Is there an incorrect way to wear a ring?"

"No, but apparently how you wear the ring matters," Castle explained. "Wearing it with the point of the heart toward the fingertips supposedly means that the wearer is single whereas if you wear it with the heart pointing toward your wrist it means that some lucky guy has captured your heart."

"Okay, got it."

"You sure? It's not on me now if you wear it wrong," Castle joked.

Beckett smirked and playfully rolled her eyes. "Heart pointing down: I'm single. Heart pointing up: my heart has been captured," she summarised. "I promise to be extra careful to ensure I don't accidentally give anyone the wrong idea."

"Also, you don't have to wear it, you know, if it's not your thing-"

"Castle," she interrupted, but he continued.

"I just thought it was a nice symbolic gift."

"Castle," she repeated, firmer. When he stopped rambling and looked at her, she continued. "It is a nice symbolic gift," she assured him. "I really do like it."

Rick smiled, allowed her sincerity to fully sink in. "I'm glad."

Just days later he was hosting a pre-Christmas get together for the gang at the loft. It was casual, small - just Beckett, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and Jenny, his family and himself - but that didn't mean he wasn't going to go all out.

The loft was decorated to the nines, festive music played softly in the background and dinner was nothing short of perfect.

But better than all of that - better than the laughter, the stories, the pure joy and sense of kinship that filled the air that evening - was Kate. She had stolen his attention for most of the night, starting just moments after she had arrived. While talking to Lanie, she had absent-mindedly tucked her hair behind her ear. That was when he saw it: the ring - his ring - on her middle finger, the point of the heart aiming toward her wrist.

He knew he shouldn't read too much into that, that maybe it was a simple mistake, but he couldn't help himself.

He remembered her words so clearly as they echoed in his mind: "Heart pointing up, my heart has been captured. I promise to be extra careful to ensure I don't give anyone the wrong idea."

He knew better than to assume that she was trying to tell him something, that this was a sign meant just for him, but that didn't stop his hopeful little heart from pounding twice as fast as it should, from skipping a beat or two whenever he looked at her only to find she was already looking at him.

She had noticed.

Everyone had noticed.

But he didn't care.

Someone had captured her heart and he knew - he just knew - that that someone was him. He had (in not so many words) told her he would wait - and he still would for as long as she needed - but this was the hope he needed, a promise that he wouldn't be waiting forever.

After dinner was finished and everything had been cleaned up and put away, she approached him in the kitchen with a shoebox sized gift box in her hands.

"Merry Christmas, Castle," she said quietly as she passed him the box.

He looked over toward their friends in the loungeroom, then back to Beckett. He took the box from her hands and placed it on the kitchen bench.

"I went for a symbolic gift, too," she said as she inched closer. "I, um- I may have cheated a little bit, though."

"What do you mean?" he asked as he tugged on the ribbon and let it fall loose.

"I had a little help." She looked up and locked eyes with his daughter. Alexis was sitting in the lounge room, half engaged in the conversation and half watching the interaction in the kitchen.

Rick looked up from the gift to Beckett, followed the path of her gaze until he saw his daughter watching them.

"We brainstormed a few different ideas," Beckett continued, pulling Castle's attention again. "But then she said something that just kind of stuck with me."

She stared into his eyes, could see the wheels of his mind turning as he tried to figure out what his daughter could have possibly said to her.

"She said that all you've ever really wanted was to figure me out, to really know me."

Beckett looked back over to the lounge room, found that Alexis's watch had been joined by Lanie and she knew that they didn't have much time before they had gained the attention of the entire group.

She turned back to Castle, placed her hand on the top of the box. "This should help, I hope."

Castle smiled. "Is it your diary?" he joked, aware that the group's presence in this moment was making her nervous, and desperately wanting to ease some of those nerves for her.

Beckett hung her head and chuckled. "No, but it's pieces of the puzzle."

She moved her hand and Castle lifted the lid.

He just stared into the box, mouth slightly agape as he struggled to find the words - any words.

Beckett smiled, his silence reassuring her that this gift wasn't a horrible mistake.

"There's - uh - baby photos, Christmases from when I was a kid, photos of me with my whole family: cousins, aunts, uncles." She slid her finger along the ridged top of the neatly filed photographs. "Consider it a kind of highlight reel of my life, I guess. It covers high school, my time at Stanford, The Academy, right up until the day I met you."

"I usually have to pry each little story out of you," Castle quipped. "Who are you and what have you done with my Beckett?"

He realised his mistake too late, eyes widened in horror at the slip, but Beckett just smirked and raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Thank you," he continued. "Honestly, this is great."

"That's just the first part."

Castle gasped theatrically. "There's more?"

"Yes, there is." She smiled and bumped her shoulder to his. "On Friday - I've already checked to make sure you're free - I am going to cook dinner for you."

"Oh, so you're trying to kill me," Castle joked.

Beckett's jaw dropped and she jabbed a finger at his ribcage. "I can cook!" she defended. "It's just easier to order take out. Anyway, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me: you can use dinner as a chance to ask questions."

"Any questions?" he asked - a little too quick for comfort.

She closed her eyes, hoped she wouldn't regret it. "Yes." She opened her eyes again, looked up into Castle's. "I'll answer any questions you have."

He leaned closer, placed his hand on her hip and smiled. "I look forward to it."

Intoxicated by the warmth of his touch, the sweet scent of wine on his breath and the heat of his gaze, she canted toward him; stopped only by the sudden burst of laughter from their friends - an abrupt reminder that they weren't alone - in response to something Espo had said.

"Are you two gonna join us or are you gonna stand there whispering all night?" Lanie called out to them. Her voice remained light, unknowing, but her face warned Beckett to be careful: a sign that she had seen their almost moment.

Castle's hand dropped from Beckett's waist.

"Coming," Beckett replied cheerily.

Lanie continued to talk to the group, stealing everyone's attention away from the kitchen again.

Castle sighed, frustrated. Kate leant her forehead on his shoulder, let out a huff of air that was some odd mix of annoyance and amusement. After a few seconds she lifted her head, smiled apologetically and patted his bicep before walking away to join the rest of the dinner party in the lounge room.

"Hey Beckett," Castle called out to her after flipping through a few of the photographs. He waited for her to turn her attention back to him before continuing. "Are there any pictures in here of that tattoo you told me about?"

Beckett pursed her lips to try and hide the forming smile.

"You mean the one you can't see while I'm, uh, fully clothed?" she asked sarcastically.

Castle's grin beamed. "Yeah, that one."

"No, Castle. There are no photos in existence of that tattoo," she said firmly. "And there never will be," she added for good measure.

Castle sighed and shrugged. "I mean- you could always show me in person," he suggested.

"I figured that could be your birthday present," she teased with a flirtatious smile.

"You are really good at this gift giving thing, just so you know."