"I wanted to believe him. But this was my life without him that he was describing, not the other way around."

(Stephanie Meyer, New Moon Page 535)

...

I looked up to meet his gaze, "I want to believe you, I want to believe that you'll never leave me again but you gotta understand that…you put me through a lot. You put me through a world wind of pain." Edward looked guilty and ashamed. This was exactly what I didn't want to happen. Yes I am upset he left but that doesn't mean I want him to continue to brood, there are far more important things to worry about.

I sighed, I didn't want this. It just wasn't how I wanted or imagined how this talk would go. But I also know Edward. He's like Angel, he broods too much. He hurt me, yes but I don't want him to do this alone. "I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty or because I don't want you back."

I paused, trying to think of the right way to say this. "I need time for us to rebuild that trust because if we're gonna go from here then I need to know that I can trust you and that you won't leave me again."

My voice cracked, this wasn't an easy conversation. I wanted to welcome him back with open arms, I wanted to kiss him and hug him, and say of course I forgive you. But I just couldn't yet. I need to rebuild what was broken. Even if he had good reasons why he left it didn't make it hurt any less. I can't forget all the pain, I can't push it away, I need to face it and mend it.

I then continued with, "But I also need some space to let everything sink in and process all of this."

He still looked guilt ridden. "I understand Bella." He says softly. He looks down at the ground unable to meet my gaze. He looked as if he was in pensive thought. And he still looked like he was gonna brood…again. I stepped towards him and tilted his chin to meet mine. He cringed. But I was determined. "Bella don't—" He started to say. "Edward, look at me." "You messed up but we're gonna try to fix this."

"And what if we can't."

"Then we'll cross that bridge when it happens."

He met my gaze, "I don't want to lose you." He sounded so vulnerable. I knew at that moment that it wasn't just that he needed to rebuild trust with me, it was also the fact I needed to build more trust with him. He left me to protect me but it broke his heart too. He shouldn't be making these decisions for me, we should make them together. And that's exactly what we need to do.

I said, "We can get through this." A tear escapes my eyes and he brushes them away.

"You're right, we will." This could work, we can do this. We can mend our broken hearts. But it won't be easy, that's what I am most sure about.

"We have a long journey of recovery but I think we can do it." I linked my hand into his cold one. It felt good even after all this time. He gave me his famous crooked smile that I love and adore. And all I can feel is pure love and hope. Something that hasn't been easy for a long time.

I'm trying to be careful, trying not to get too attached, but I think right now I need a little hope things will work out. But I also know he's gonna have to prove a lot before things go back to the way they used to be. Plus I'm pretty sure if he pulls a stunt like this again Emmett and Jasper will kick his butt. At least I can count on my older brothers to save the day.

At least I think so.

He turned towards the window, "Do you still need some space?' I nod. "Before you go I want you to know I'm not doing this out of anger but because this time around I want us to do better." He nods in understanding. He opens the window. "And Edward?"

He turns his head around with a confused look in his eyes "Yes Bella?"

"I'll call you when I'm ready."

He gives me a small smile, "I know." He ducks under my window and leaps to the grass. I move to watch him leave, he gives me one last look and I close my window.

I moved to lay back down and tried to get comfortable. I snuggled into my soft blankets and rested my eyes. Yes I'm going back to sleep despite the fact I've been asleep for like 14 hours. I let darkness overtake me once again, hoping I'd continue to have peaceful dreams.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day. Well, at least I'll have more than enough sleep. Darkness then finally overtook me.

To Be Continued…