One.
Noa's been a relatively easy baby – not as easy as Leah, who was a dream – but she started sleeping through the night at a few months old, cries mostly when there's a reason. The difficult part about Noa, however, is the minute she was able to sit up, grab, stand, and walk – she was into everything.
All things considered, Noa was an easy baby; but there's also a toddler in the house which makes everything more complicated.
Noa wants to keep up with her older sister. She wants to play with Leah's toys. Leah either loves to play with her or is annoyed by her every move. The challenge of staying on top of Noa's grabby hands and caring for both girls has made it a whirlwind of a year.
Christmas is coming, Hanukkah is coming, and Noa's first birthday is coming.
All three will overlap for one day.
All three events on their own, can be exhausting – let alone pile them all up on one day.
"Look, let's just take Hanukkah easy this year," Josh says gently but he can see the ire in Donna's eyes. He's never been extremely Jewish. A lot of his family's Jewish traditions fell by the wayside when Joanie died. They celebrated casually, and after his dad died his mom never showed much interest in the holiday. Never mind the fact that he couldn't easily take off and be with his mother every Hanukkah with his career that barely even gave them Christmas and Thanksgiving off.
But Donna had been determined to rouse the holiday, start their own traditions. She wanted the girls to know the holiday and wanted them to start their own family traditions, which they had.
"I'm just saying," he treads carefully trying to counter the irritation he's roused. "We don't have to go full out."
"No. We can't just start family traditions and then drop them when it's not convenient for us," Donna says insistently.
Josh fixes her with a stare. "You're not going to go all out for her birthday, are you? She's one." He remembers Leah's first birthday which had been a big ordeal for her and in the end, one she says she wishes she had toned down.
"No," she says, suspiciously not meeting his eyes.
"Donna."
"Well, I did a big thing for Leah! And I swore the fact that Christmas is coming wouldn't stop me from doing anything different for her."
"It has nothing to do with Christmas," Josh counters. "We said after Leah's next time we'd take it easy."
"Yeah, but that's before I knew her birthday was going to be Christmas Eve. Now it seems like that's why I'm not doing a while big thing."
"So now we're going to over do it because of her Christmas Eve birthday?"
She shrugs and stops engaging with him and he decides to leave it before they argue. He'll be quiet and help her through the chaos she brings upon them with this party and not say I told you so when she vents about the ordeal afterwards.
"Daddy!" Leah's voice calls from the other room.
"Saved by the kid," he mutters.
"I heard that!" Donna shouts.
She plans a small birthday party for Noa the weekend after Christmas with their close friends.
The morning of Christmas Eve, Donna wakes up early. Christmas gifts for the girls are under the tree, and she displays another pile, wrapped in birthday themed paper, on their kitchen table.
It's snowing outside and Donna had planned to go pick up a cake for Noa – preordered weeks ago – for her first birthday.
She gets a call that the bakery is closed because of the snowfall.
"Josh!" she goes to their bedroom and shoves him awake.
"Huh?!" he jolts up. "What? What is it?"
"The bakery's closed because of the snow?"
"What snow?"
"JOSH!" she yells, frustrated, as if he should know it started snowing overnight. "They already had limited hours because it's Christmas Eve, so now they aren't going to open at all. We don't even have a birthday cake for Noa."
Josh blinks, processing it all, considering how to respond before he does so. "She's only one, Donna," he says carefully. "She's not expecting a cake."
"But I am!" Donna snaps. "It's her first birthday for God's sake," she mutters as she leaves the room.
Donna's busy pacing the living room, calling bakeries and trying to find one that's open, when Josh appears with Leah by his side. She's donning her child-size apron. "C'mon, Donnatella. Let's bake."
Donna blinks at him. "What?"
"Mama, we're gonna bake Noa a cake," Leah informs her. "It's her birthday," she says though her 'th' comes out as a 'f.'
Donna realizes what's going on here and a slow smile spreads across her face.
"Okay. Let's bake," she says.
The cake isn't the masterpiece she had ordered from the bakery. It's lopsided and crumbs from the cake end up in the frosting. Leah clumps too much frosting on one half of the cake and the backside doesn't have enough so part of the cake shows through. Noa wakes up before the cake is done and helps them to decorate it. Leah throws sprinkles all over it and Noa laughs in glee.
The pictures are hardly what she'd expected, but honestly – they're better.
Five.
Leah's seven, Noa's about to turn five, and Audrey is two when they feel like they could actually travel for Christmas for the first time in years.
Donna hasn't been home to Wisconsin for a traditional Moss family Christmas in years.
"We should go this year," Josh pushes and Donna brushes him off with several excuses. "Three kids on a plane," and "not enough suitcases," and "snow gear takes up a lot of space in the suitcases."
Finally, he corners her in the kitchen one morning when her excuse is, "Audrey's still pretty little.'
"And Leah's seven," Josh shoots back, pouring a cup of coffee. "We can handle Audrey on a plane."
Donna scoffs. "We can barely handle Audrey in our home, that girl is a fireball."
"Is it because of Noa's birthday?" Josh finally asks.
"Well – I mean- that's obviously a consideration."
"We'll make it work," Josh assures her. "It would be special for her. She's never gotten to spend a birthday in Wisconsin with all her cousins and grandparents."
"They're not going to pay attention to her," Donna says easily. "Christmas is a big deal in the Moss family. You've been there. You know how it is. They're not going to make space for a five-year-old's birthday party the way we do."
"Okay, I get it," Josh muses. "But… is it fair to her, or her sisters to never get to take part in a Moss family Christmas? Or to you?"
Donna mumbles something and remembers how she's always made it a point not to overlook Noa's birthday, but also not to take away any aspect of Christmas from her other girls. "You're right."
"Leah's seven. She would love Christmas with her cousins."
So, they book the flights and the travel isn't easy, but it's not the nightmare Donna had tried to make it out to be.
Josh and Donna and Audrey are packed into Donna's childhood bedroom while Leah and Noa bunk down the hall in her father's office.
At seven am on the morning of Christmas Eve, Donna shakes her awake gently with Josh by her side. The snow is coming down outside, and it's below freezing but Noa is snuggled into her makeshift bed on the couch in her grandfather's office, snoozing buried under the softest blankets.
She opens her eyes, confused, but then she understands when Donna holds out a doughnut to her. "Happy Birthday, baby," Donna whispers.
"I'm five," Noa realizes and Josh chuckles. While Leah snoozes away across the room Noa devours her doughnut and opens two gifts from her parents.
"Nana's making your breakfast today," Donna tells her with a kiss to her forehead. She'd been surprised, actually, how her family had been willing to bend to accommodate celebrating Noa's birthday this morning before the Christmas festivities began. Even though she may not be speaking to her brother and her sister-in-law, who apparently forgot Noa shares a birthday with Christmas last night when they started throwing out tons of ideas for the day and a blank look when Donna had mentioned Noa.
Just what she'd always been afraid of. But she didn't care.
Her mom offered to make Noa her traditional Christmas Eve morning birthday breakfast.
Noa had requested her Nana's famous "pane, burro y marmellata" a traditional Italian breakfast – though, she hadn't exactly pronounced it correctly.
Everyone enjoys Noa's birthday morning, the breakfast a welcome addition to Christmas Eve morning for them all.
Donna's brother and sister-in-law even give Noa a gift (far too extravagant to have not been guilt based) with a "Of course we couldn't forget! Surprise!' at which Josh and Donna exchange a look of understanding. ("Yeah right.")
"This was the best birthday ever, Mama," Noa says sleepily that night after their traditional Italian Christmas Eve dinner. To all of their surprise, Donna's parents had even gotten a separate birthday cake for Noa amongst all the desserts.
"I love you, baby," Donna agrees. "Now, Santa's on his way so you better get some sleep."
Six.
Noa's ballet class is putting on a production of The Nutcracker.
She's only six, but she's been in ballet since she was two and she's pretty good at dancing. She loves it. The teacher has chosen some students to participate in the Christmas Eve performance of The Nutcracker at their local theater.
When Noa's chosen, she bounds out of class and into Donna's arms. "Mama, Ms. Brooke said I can be in The Nutcracker on Christmas!"
The dance teacher ascends on Donna immediately. "I invited her," she clarifies. "If that works for your family. The community college is putting on an impressive performance and they're offering the top students from our class a minor role in it."
"Wow," Donna beams, running her hand over Noa's shoulders and giving her bun a playful tug.
"It's not actually on Christmas Eve," Ms. Brooke adds. "Not in the evening. It's in the morning, so it may be doable with your family's holiday celebrations."
"This is an honor," Donna tells the teacher and she can feel Noa's excitement. "Let me talk to her about it, and my husband?" she asks. "Noa's birthday is also Christmas Eve," she says and Noa frowns as if she hasn't really thought that through. "I just want to make sure she gets it."
Ms. Brooke agrees and when they head home, Noa seems much less excited than she was a few minutes ago. "Are you upset?"
"I just really wanted to do it," Noa says with a sigh and Donna can see the tears in her eyes.
"You know it's your birthday."
"So I can't," Noa says with a sad nod.
"I mean – you can," Donna says. "I'm sure Daddy would agree. But that's how you'll be spending your birthday morning."
"I want to," she says, her eyes lighting up again. "For my birthday, Mommy. I want to dance!"
Donna chuckles. "Then you'll dance."
That Christmas Eve morning, Josh shuttles Noa off to the theater early while Donna corrals Leah and Audrey into dresses and nice coats. It's a new way for the Moss-Lymans to spend Christmas Eve.
"What about breakfast?" Leah wants to know with a frown. Leah is precise and particular and traditions are sacred to her.
Donna tosses her a banana and a bagel. "We have to eat in the car. We're late."
Leah wears the biggest frown. "What about Noa's birthday breakfast?" she clarifies.
"This year it's Noa's birthday dance recital," Donna tells her and they rush off to the car.
Noa exuberates joy as she performs on the stage that Christmas Eve. The little kids have only a few minor roles in group scenes but it's a huge deal to her. Leah is eight and bored out of her mind, Audrey is three and she doesn't get it, but their kids have been in the spotlight enough in their lives to have become trained how to act even when they're bored.
"I used to want to be a ballerina when I grew up," Josh whispers to Donna during the show and she chokes back a little laugh, patting him on the hand.
"I know, Babe."
Instead of birthday breakfast they take Noa to a birthday lunch at her favorite restaurant and it's a new type of Christmas Eve for the Moss-Lyman family, but it won't be the last the spend watching Noa dance.
When they get home, at her request, they bake Noa's birthday cake all together.
Seven.
"Can we bake?" Noa asks on the morning of her seventh birthday.
The kitchen is already filled with baked goods – the iced sugar cookies Donna and the girls had made last weekend, along with the candy cane blossoms and the hot cocoa cookies with marshmallows melted in the center. The holidays have been full of baking.
"Bake?" Donna quirks an eyebrow. "We've baked ourselves out of house and home."
Noa gives a little pout. "But we never made the chocolate peppermint Oreo cookies!"
Leah, all of nine, pipes up. "But what's for breakfast?"
Her sisters have always grown up respecting the traditions of Christmas Eve morning and Noa's birthday. None of them have ever expressed resentment or irritation at having the morning be Noa's special time. Perhaps they understand that a Christmas birthday can often get overlooked and they feel for their sister.
Noa thinks, or pretends to, because it's clear she has an answer. "I want… scrambled eggs and bacon. And toast."
Audrey, four years old and already outspoken and strong willed, makes a face that says she thinks this is an extremely lazy pick.
"That, I can do," Josh tells her, giving her a kiss on her head and Noa grins happily.
"Can mine be an omelet?" Leah asks. "With cheese?"
Audrey frowns even more at this, but uncharacteristically she keeps her comments to herself.
"So can we bake?" Audrey asks instead. '"I want the Oreo cookies too! And it's Noa's birthday!"
"Of course, we can bake," Donna says with a grin, already gathering the materials.
"Best birthday ever!" Noa declares.
"Seriously, with scrambled eggs and bacon?" Audrey finally speaks up.
"Thank God Audrey wasn't born on Christmas," Josh says. "We'd be making souffles and crepes."
Leah chuckles into her orange juice and Noa ignores them all as Donna begins handing her the cookie ingredients.
Eleven.
A strange thing happens when you're the middle child.
At first, you and your older sibling bond together, being the first two, the oldest two, the big kids. You have a sibling with an age gap wider from both of you than yours together and you stick together. You roll your eyes at the baby shows and the preschool art projects when you're big and cool.
Then your older sibling grows up and becomes a teenager and your sister is thirteen, but you're ten going on eleven, and suddenly you have more in common with your eight-year-old sister, the baby, than you do with your big cool older sister who goes to school somewhere else, is interested in fashion and make up and crushes, and doesn't want to watch the same shows as you anymore.
Noa is mourning the loss of being her big sister's favorite – though, in a few years they'll be the teens united against the preteen sister who just can't keep up.
Donna tells her she's lucky, because she's the only one who gets that bond with both of them and she'll be closer to both of them when she grows up.
But for now, Noa tries to impress her cool older sister.
Donna asks for days leading up to her birthday what she wants for her birthday breakfast and Noa is indecisive, trying to come up with something "cool," and asking "What does Leah like?"
"Who cares what Leah likes!" Donna finally says, then calms herself at Noa's look of surprise. "I mean – it's your birthday, not Leah's."
Noa sulks.
When she wakes up on Christmas Eve, the morning of her eleventh birthday, Josh is hovering over her.
"Get dressed," he tells her with a lopsided smile.
Noa frowns, and yawns. "Why?"
"Mom and I are taking you out to eat.'
Noa can't process his words – this has never happened in the history of her birthdays. "What about Leah and Audrey?"
"Mom made them pancakes. Boring, plain, buttermilk ones. We're taking you out to that place with the fancy French toast.'
Sleep has vanished from Noa's eyes. "Really?"
"Get dressed," Josh says again, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.
Leah who had been babysitting her little sister, grins proudly at her parents and her sister when they get home from breakfast.
"Want to bake?" she asks Noa, who suddenly shoots her big sister a huge grin. Audrey bounces eagerly, excited to see her sister's reaction.
"You didn't use the oven, did you?" Josh asks instantly, and Leah rolls her eyes.
"No, Dad. We know not to," Leah says – it's probably every parent's rule, your young teenage daughter not allowed to cook when home alone – but she knows about her dad's childhood and her Aunt Joanie, and she knows it's a touchy subject. "We wouldn't."
He nods, then smiles as Donna comes and loops an arm around his waist as they watch the girls begin to mix cookie batter.
Twelve.
"I'm not celebrating Christmas this year," Noa declares on December 22.
"Huh?" Josh asks, looking up from the newspaper and Audrey cheers.
"More presents for me!" she whoops.
"I mean, I'm half Jewish after all," Noa begins. "And I just want a normal birthday for once, like everyone else. So, I'm celebrating Hanukkah only."
"You do know your birthday is the sixth night of Hanukkah?" Leah chimes in from her spot on the couch.
"Well, we're still celebrating Christmas," Audrey points out. "So it won't make much of a difference."
"Well, you all can do whatever you want," Noa informs them. "I will be celebrating my birthday, my way."
"Which is… what, exactly?" Donna wants to know.
"I'm going to bake-"
"We always bake with you," Leah reminds her.
"And then I'm going to dance."
"By yourself?" Audrey asks.
"I could have friends over."
"On Christmas Eve?" Josh's voice pipes in and Donna elbows him for jumping in on the critique train.
"I just want the day to myself!" Noa exclaims. "Like Leah gets to do whatever she wants, like Audrey gets to do whatever she wants, like you and mom get to do whatever you want, like everyone in the world gets to do!"
There's a long pause as everyone reflects. Finally, Audrey speaks. "You know, some people are born on Christmas day. That's worse."
Noa sticks to her plan all of Christmas Eve – after the usual birthday festivities in the morning and afternoon, she slinks away to her room to do "whatever."
(When she hears the rest of her family watching a movie in the living room, she silently comes into the room with her favorite blanket and joins them on the couch.)
Sixteen.
"Wake up!" Josh tosses a pillow at his middle daughter who grunts in a typical teenage fashion.
"Dad," she whines. "It's early."
"I know," he says. "But the DMV closes early on Christmas Eve."
Noa is suddenly alert. "The DMV?"
"For your learner's permit. You have an appointment at eight. So hurry up, get dressed. Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas – whatever." He teases and his eyes show his playful nature as his daughter laughs.
"Really?"
"Really. Hurry it up."
Noa had been excited to get her permit, but she'd never once asked about taking the test on her birthday like most of her friends had. Even Leah had, though she hadn't even wanted to drive and waited a year before she even started practicing in a car. It was more about the rite of passage.
But Noa has always known that she shares a birthday with Christmas and things just aren't possible for her. She hadn't even asked her parents about going to the DMV – a notoriously dreadful activity – on a holiday that was for all of them to enjoy.
"Good luck!" Leah sing-songs to her sister as she and Josh head to the door.
"You can do it, baby," Donna adds, stopping to kiss her not-so-little girl on the head. "Just remember what I taught you."
"Don't let her get in your head when you're doing the parking portion," Josh says. "Mom's a fine driver. She's horrible at parking," he teases and Donna glares at him as he ushers Noa out the door.
She spends that entire Christmas Eve boasting about her new driver's license.
Twenty-One.
"We're going out to drink," Noa announces to her parents and younger sister, her older sister faithfully by her side for back-up.
"What?" Josh and Donna echo and Leah has to stifle a snicker.
"It's my twenty-first birthday, and Leah and I are going out for a drink!" she says, trying to act confident. "I'm an adult," she adds in an unintentionally ironic childlike manner.
"It's Christmas Eve," Donna says with a frown.
"It's my birthday," Noa corrects.
"At least until the afternoon," Leah adds. "That's the way we've always done it. We'll be home by three!"
"Who drinks before noon on Christmas Eve?" Josh asks, completely confused. "There's going to be nothing but creeps in the bar."
Leah rolls her eyes. "Well gee, thanks, Dad."
"I mean – you know what I mean!" Josh stammers. "Not that you're the… nevermind."
Audrey is suspiciously quiet as she watches the whole exchange, burrowed down in the couch with a blanket over her.
"Bye, Mom, bye Dad!" Leah yells, pulling her younger sister out the door along with her, her determination and confidence enough for both of them.
"Did you see that?" Josh asks, baffled. "They just… left. To drink. At the bar."
Donna shrugs, looking back down at the newspaper she's reading. "They are adults," she says.
"But… it's a bar. At noon. On Christmas Eve. That's weird."
Donna laughs and pats her husband on the shoulder. "It's her twenty-first birthday and she wants to get her first legal drink and she can't exactly go out tonight because she respects it's Christmas Eve and will be with her family."
They're silent for a moment. "What do you mean legal?" Josh asks.
The older girls are gone for nearly thirty minutes when the front door opens and they bound back in, bags in their hands from the local grocery store and their favorite local diner.
"We're home!" Leah yells.
"What happened?" Donna asked, surprised. "The bar closed?"
"We decided to bake instead," Noa announces simply, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "And, we got breakfast for everyone!" She looks directly at her younger sister as she announces the change of plans. "We just wanted to be all together, do the usual traditions."
Audrey grins at them and jumps up, becoming suddenly enthusiastic. "What did you get?"
"I thought you wanted to get a drink?" Josh asked, still stuck on the subject.
Leah shrugs. "We can go tomorrow."
"Tomorrow is Christmas!" Donna gasps. "You can't-"
Noa rolls her eyes. "You know what we mean. We can get a drink any day. Today's my birthday and we wanted to bake together."
Donna grins as she stands up, following Audrey to the kitchen where she's already pulling out sugar and flour.
"What are we making, girls?" Josh asks as he follows them into the kitchen to help.
"You're not making anything, not after the chocolate brownie incident of last year," Leah says with a quirk of her eyebrows.
"One time!"
Donna laughs. "It wasn't just the one time."
"Fine. Then I'll just watch and provide colorful commentary and eat the goods."
"So, same as usual," Audrey says and Josh playfully shoves at her shoulder while the girls giggle and begin to bake.
Some traditions are just impossible to break.