Tidings of Comfort and Joy
by Joan Powers
Summary: Disappointed when her hopes for a perfect Christmas with her family aren't coming together, Kathryn realizes that the best gifts don't always come wrapped in paper. Janeway/Chakotay
A/N: Written for the Voyager J/C Addict Facebook group photo holiday story exchange. For Alexis4JC4Ever who requested fluff, drama and BABIES!
"Mommy!"
Kathryn's eyes flew open as her three-year daughter launched herself on top of her.
"Mommy! Are you coming to decorate the tree?" She tugged at her arm enthusiastically.
Groggy, Kathryn moved stiffly, stretching on the bed. Sitting up to embrace her energetic daughter, she smelled the enticing aroma of freshly baked gingerbread. She also noticed that there were cookie crumbs on her daughter's chin and on her red velvet dress. Why was she wearing that now? Knowing her daughter's tendency to attract dirt like a magnet, Kathryn had planned on saving it for Christmas Eve. Most likely she'd talked her father into letting her wear her party dress today. Chocolate smeared on the corners of her tiny mouth revealed that she and her father had also shared hot cocoa.
"Cassandra!" Chakotay sternly intoned as he stepped into the room. "What did I tell you about waking your mom?"
Her lower lip quivered. "I just wanted Mommy."
Kathryn smoothed the little girl's dark locks while attempting to wipe her mouth with a damp finger.
"I know, honey. I want to be with you too. Why should you and Daddy get to have all the fun? Go get started on the tree and I'll join you as soon as I change into something more comfortable."
She'd meant to lie down for only a few minutes, but she'd been so exhausted that she'd fallen asleep in her Starfleet uniform.
"That's what you said about the cookies." She mumbled. "Better hurry or we'll finish without you."
She took off running with her father trailing after her.
Propping herself up, Kathryn sighed, disappointed that she'd missed out once again. She had fond childhood memories of baking cookies with her mother yet her attempts to duplicate that experience with Cassie had been continually thwarted. First, they ran out of flour. Then the oven broke. Finally, after a last-minute work commitment came up and delayed them once again, a frustrated Cassie threw a temper tantrum.
With so much going on at work, she didn't even get to help select the Christmas tree.
Over the past two years, between the baby and work, she and Chakotay had been so busy and sleep-deprived that they hadn't made a big deal about the holidays. They simply hadn't had the energy. But now that Cassie was three-years old, she could participate in the special rituals that Kathryn had cherished as a child. She wanted to make this a magical Christmas for her family. For them to go ice skating. To select and decorate a tree. To share hot cocoa and sing Christmas carols. To leisurely shop for special gifts for friends and family. Maybe even host a small gathering.
Fat chance any of that was going to happen. She barely had time to complete basis chores around the house. She was fortunate that Chakotay was her partner in far more than name. She felt guilty that he continually picked up the slack, most times without being asked.
She hated that she hadn't even come up with gift ideas, especially with Christmas only two days away.
She moved slowly as she shrugged out of her jacket. She'd been feeling sluggish for weeks. At first, she thought she was catching a virus, but when no other symptoms appeared, she assumed it was most likely due to the long hours she put in at work, along with her speaking engagements.
As much as she loved her job, there was work-related stress. While being isolated in the Delta Quadrant had more than its share of challenges, at least she and her crew were usually on the same page. Chakotay had questioned her decisions, but he'd always supported her. She'd grown accustomed to having more freedom. Back within the folds of the command structure, she had a lighter burden of responsibility on her shoulders but less choice regarding her actions. Starfleet bureaucracy and politics were beginning to annoy her.
Work had also impacted her personal life. Many nights, Cassie was already in bed, asleep, when she arrived home. So much for cuddling and reading stories together. And if she accepted the proposed six-month mission to the Turzan system, she'd be missing far more.
Kathryn frowned as she examined her appearance in the mirror. Her cheeks were rounder. Since Cassie's birth, she hadn't been able to shed those extra pounds. While she could accept that some wrinkles about her eyes and mouth were a normal part of aging, her unnatural pallor was disturbing.
On general principle, she avoided medical exams, not wanting to waste valuable time or be given useless advice. However, given her perpetual fatigue, she decided to scan herself with her illicit medical tricorder before joining her family.
XXXX
"Mommy! Look! Isn't it pretty?"
The tall evergreen was covered with tiny white lights. Kathryn suppressed a chuckle as she entered the living room, noticing that the majority of the ornaments were clustered at the bottom of the tree with large gaps elsewhere.
"You're doing a great job."
She sank to sit on the floor beside the tree and a box of Christmas decorations, her back resting against the couch. Her mother had given some of her old ornaments for Kathryn to share with her family. She had been looking forward to telling Chakotay and Cassie stories about them.
Now, it felt like too much effort.
"Here Cassie, let's put some on the higher branches."
The little girl squealed with joy as her father scooped her up in his arms and effortlessly lifted her to reach the top of the tree. After hanging a few ornaments, Cassie rummaged in the box and handed one to her mother.
"Here's one for you."
Kathryn recognized it immediately. A wooden carving of a bird. Her father had affectionately called her golden bird. She swallowed hard, remembering him.
The door chimes rang and B'Elanna and Miral Paris entered. Both were dressed festively in red outfits.
"Are you ready?"
Confused, Kathryn turned towards her husband.
"I'm sorry, I thought we'd be done with this earlier." He apologized. "We promised Miral we'd attend her school concert. I made the commitment before Admiral Henly cancelled that dinner you were supposed to be attending tonight."
She blinked back sudden tears.
Chakotay and B'Elanna exchanged concerned glances.
"Why don't you two spend some time together? I can take Cassie," B'Elanna eagerly volunteered.
"That's a lot to ask." Chakotay replied.
She assured him. "I can handle it, old man. I'll have her home by nine."
"Thanks"
After grabbing her coat then hugging her parents, Cassie left with B'Elanna and Miral.
Moving the box of ornaments aside, Chakotay sat down on the floor beside Kathryn.
"What's wrong?"
"Everything." She hated the pathetic waiver in her voice. "I wanted to bake cookies with Cassie. And read stories, and then decorate the tree. I'm missing everything."
He put his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer.
"I haven't even had time to think about gifts."
She was an awful wife. Chakotay's gifts were always so thoughtful.
He stroked her hair. "Don't worry about that." He said, as he kissed her cheek. "Get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."
"No. I won't."
His brow furrowed with concern.
She felt like a fool. She should've recognized the signs much earlier. The fatigue. The queasiness. The tricorder confirmed it.
"I'm pregnant."
Saying it aloud made it real. At some level she'd suspected, it wasn't as if this was totally unplanned. They both wanted Cassie to have a sibling. And given their age, it would have to happen sooner than later. Yet now that it was becoming a reality, the logistics were overwhelming her.
Chakotay grinned broadly, overjoyed. "That's the best present you could give me."
"How are we doing to do this? It's hard enough with one."
"We'll figure it out."
How could he be so blase?
"I'm serious."
"So am I. We'll need to make some changes. I won't start those archeology summer trips with students this year. Maybe I'll wait until our kids are a little older so they can come along. Turning down deep space missions or delegating more of your responsibilities for a while might be helpful. Or being more selective about the projects you participate in. You do have choices. Instead of stopping your speaking engagements, you could limit them to one every few months."
To be fair, he'd mentioned these suggestions before, but she hadn't seriously considered them. Now, to retain her sanity, maybe it was time. As things were now, she would miss huge chunks of Cassie's childhood. And that was unacceptable. That time would never come back.
"This is great news. Cassie's been wanting a little brother or sister. Remember how nervous you were before she was born?"
Kathryn had been terrified. While she'd always wanted to have a family, Chakotay had to talk her into it. After taking so long to become a couple, he had no desire to tempt fate again. Logically speaking, there was never a good time to start having children. Now, she wouldn't trade her little girl for anything. She was more precious than gold.
"I'm not looking forward to being that sick again."
While carrying Cassie, she'd thrown up constantly for six months. What had tasted good one week made her gag the next. She'd collapsed after work, exhausted. And now she would have an energetic three-year old to chase.
"Maybe this baby will be different. Besides, you're not in this alone." He reminded her, squeezing her hand.
"We were just starting to get more sleep." She groaned.
As an infant, Cassie had colic and was a terrible sleeper. She and Chakotay had staggered about, living on coffee for months.
"I know."
She snuggled closer to her husband, resting her head where she could hear the reassuring beat of his heart.
"She's getting so big. Do you remember how tiny she was when she was born? Do you remember holding her? Being afraid she might break?" Chakotay said, wistfully.
Those sweet little fingers and tiny lips. The way she fit against her body so smoothly. That wonderful newborn smell.
She missed that.
Would this baby be a boy or a girl?
She fondly recalled seeing Cassie discover her toes for the first time. Her peals of laughter when Chakotay blew on her belly. Her scowl as she spit out a spoonful of creamed spinach. Her joyful expression when she successfully took her first steps. Her big hugs and sloppy kisses.
A sense of anticipation started to replace the cloud of worry and fear.
She grew excited as she wondered what they would name him. Or her?
Cassie's first words had been dada.
This child would say mama.
She'd make sure of that.
THE END