A/N: See bottom for notes.
Xue Yang woke up feeling as if he'd been run over by some sort of monster truck three times and then had a building dropped on top of him and whatever was left of his mutilated body had been chucked into a pool of electric eels.
Which was, to say, he felt dead, only he was very much alive, and it sucked.
Xue Yang groaned and pried open his heavy eyelids, regretting it as soon as the light touched his eyes. He felt sore all over and uncomfortably warm.
He couldn't be sick. Xue Yang rarely got sick, not after spending years of his life on the streets where his body learned to grow immune to every damn virus out there.
But that left only one possibility.
He'd been poisoned.
Someone hated him and wanted him gone and now he was dying. That could be anyone, after all, Xue Yang wasn't exactly popular. But he also hadn't been out of the house much, and Xiao Xingchen hadn't had any visitors recently, which narrowed his infinite list of suspects down to three people–all of whom had good reason to want him gone.
Maybe it was Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang mused. Perhaps the man had finally gotten tired of Xue Yang but he didn't want to hurt Xue Yang's "feelings" by breaking up or risk Xue Yang coming back for revenge, so he decided to poison Xue Yang instead. It was hard to imagine his sweet, caring boyfriend killing anyone, but Xue Yang figured Xiao Xingchen was doing the rest of the world good by getting rid of Xue Yang so maybe, Xiao Xingchen wouldn't mind killing him too much.
His mind turned to A-Qing, Xiao Xingchen's annoying pest of a little sister. Xue Yang had certainly contemplated killing her several times before, and he was sure the sentiment was mutual. A-Qing was feisty and he could easily imagine her killing someone, but probably out of defense rather than true spite.
By the time Xiao Xingchen opened the door and came over with an adorable expression of concern on his face and a cup of water and medicine in his hands, Xue Yang had made up his mind.
"It was Song Lan," Xue Yang informed him, "Your precious 'Zichen' has finally decided to get rid of me. It was probably poison."
Xiao Xingchen blinked, confused. "What?"
Xue Yang summarized, "I'm dying."
Xiao Xingchen gave him an amused look. "I would hope you aren't. I'd be very sad if you were gone."
Sure you would.
"I'm not exaggerating," Xue Yang insisted. "I'm dying and it's Song Zichen's fault!"
"Xue Yang…"
Xue Yang was feeling unreasonably angry now. A small part of his mind told him to shut up and take the damn medicine, but a much larger part hissed for him to stab and hurt and tear Xiao Xingchen apart for leaving–which didn't even make sense but the fury spewed out of him like lava anyway.
Xue Yang swatted the cup out of Xiao Xingchen's hand who stumbled back in surprise. The glass shattered on the floor, water spilling everywhere.
There was a stunned silence.
Xue Yang felt a sense of calm resignation and satisfaction wash over him.
Well. There it is. The last straw. It was fun while it lasted.
A-Qing rushed into the room, "Xiao-ge! What happened? Are you okay?"
Xiao Xingchen pressed his lips into a thin line. He bent down, carefully picking up the glass pieces on the floor. "I'm fine." Which was what everyone said when they weren't.
A-Qing turned to Xue Yang angrily, "Look what you did now!"
"I can see, I have eyes," he sneered, "I just don't care. Why should I?"
"You-" A-Qing swelled up with all the righteous fury a thirteen-year-old could manage.
Xiao Xingchen interrupted her wearily, "A-Qing. Leave him be. Xue Yang isn't feeling well."
"Xiao-ge! Just because he's sick doesn't mean he can act like even more of an asshole than he already is!"
Xue Yang gave her a sharp grin, "Glad to see you think so highly of me."
"You're so ungrateful!" she spat, "You're lucky that Xiao Xingchen even takes care of you! I don't get what he sees in you–"
There it was, a reminder yet again, that he wasn't worth it. That he didn't deserve Xiao Xingchen, as if he didn't already know, as if he didn't–
Xue Yang snarled, "I don't need him to fucking take care of me. I can take care of myself." He added with a sneer, "The medicine was probably poisoned anyway. Wouldn't that be an easy way to get rid of me?"
"Chengmei!" Xiao Xingchen sounded horrified and angry.
A dark, visceral part of Xue Yang reared up. "That's not my name!"
He spat the words out with such hatred it surprised himself. Xiao Xingchen often called him by his courtesy name whenever Xiao Xingchen was particularly angry. Xue Yang had never minded it so much before.
Xiao Xingchen's eyes hardened slightly, "Xue Yang."
For some reason, that felt even worse.
"I'm trying to take care of you," Xiao Xingchen's voice was strained and Xue Yang couldn't help but cut in. "Yeah, take care of me for once and for all."
Xiao Xingchen finally snapped. "How can you even say that?" he demanded.
He forgot about the glass piece in his hand, and it cut into his skin as he clenched his fist. Xiao Xingchen didn't seem to notice.
A-Qing did.
Xue Yang did.
"Xiao-ge! Careful!"
Xiao Xingchen blinked and quickly let go, bright red blood quickly welling from the thin wound.
Xue Yang stared at it.
A-Qing immediately fussed over the cut and Xiao Xingchen reassured her that he was alright, but he winced slightly when she tried to pry out a small piece stuck in his skin.
An awkward silence filled the room as A-Qing ran out to grab the necessary medical supplies.
"Get out."
Xiao Xingchen looked up, startled.
Xue Yang didn't return the gaze, eyes fixed on the bleeding cut.
"Get out," he repeated, this time, with an edge of anger seeping back into his voice.
Xiao Xingchen pursed his lips and, not without casting a look of disappointment back at Xue Yang, he left the room, closing the door quietly.
Xue Yang felt sick as he stared at the little bits of blood that flecked the glass. His stomach churned unpleasantly. He didn't even know why. It wasn't the first time he ever saw blood. It wasn't even the first time he'd seen Xiao Xingchen bleeding.
He closed his eyes and fell back onto the bed, feeling utterly exhausted.
Should've just taken the fucking medicine.
Xue Yang fell back asleep at some point and when he woke up, he somehow felt worse.
He threw a quick glance to the window–which left his vision spinning–and realized it was dark and Song Lan was probably home.
Judging by the clinking noises and laughter outside, they were probably having dinner.
A nice family dinner with his better boyfriend and his little sister. Picture perfect without the fucking dumpster boyfriend there to ruin the mood.
Xue Yang gritted his teeth as another wave of nausea washed over him.
What kind of poison takes so long to kill someone anyway?
There was a cup of water and a bottle of medicine on the table. A piece of candy laid next to it.
Xue Yang stared at the candy, chest tightening.
You really are too good Xiao Xingchen.
He got up groggily, leaning on his left arm to grab the cup. A jolt of pain shot up to his shoulder and his arm gave out. The cup crashed to the ground with another shatter. Xue Yang stared at the new mess on the floor with a slight detachment, still feeling dizzy and dazed from the sudden pain and movement.
Well...fuck
The chatter outside stopped and Xue Yang wondered if it was too late to go back to sleep. He also realized that someone had cleaned up the earlier mess.
Too bad I made a new one to replace it.
His bedroom door cautiously opened and Xue Yang decided that, yes, it was too late to pretend he was asleep and some squirrel or ghost had made the mess, not him.
"Xue Yang?"
The wary expression on Xiao Xingchen's face made him tense. Looking at his handsome and clean boyfriend also made him rather self-conscious. He hadn't been out of bed all day. He was starting to feel gross.
Which, actually, sounded like a great way to apologize to Xiao Xingchen, without having to actually say the words 'I'm sorry.'
Xue Yang could see the hesitation in his boyfriend's eyes. Xiao Xingchen paused, considering Xue Yang's 'apology.' He seemed to understand that he wasn't going to get a better one, or an explanation–until much later, if at all even. Eventually, Xiao Xingchen gave Xue Yang a small, tired smile. "Do you want me to wash your hair?"
Xue Yang relaxed. "Yeah. Sure."
And that was that.
Their fight was over, more or less, even if there would be more tensions to sort out later, but the worst part was over at least.
In the shower, he gave into Xiao Xingchen's touch, the tension finally easily from his body as he leaned back, letting Xiao Xingchen's soft fingers comb through his hair.
He didn't complain as Xiao Xingchen rinsed the soap out, some of it getting into his eyes.
He let Xiao Xingchen dry him off quietly, changing into comfier clothing and obediently letting Xiao Xingchen take his temperature and feed him medicine.
Xue Yang stumbled back into bed, already feeling tired all over again.
Neither of them said anything for a long time, Xue Yang kept his mouth firmly shut, though he wanted to tell Xiao Xingchen to stay with him longer.
"Go to sleep," Xiao Xingchen murmured, stroking his head gently, "We'll talk tomorrow."
He closed his eyes and tried to shut off his mind and stop thinking.
Still, his hands tightened their clutch on the bedsheets as Xiao Xingchen shifted, moving to get off the bed. He'd apologized. What more did Xiao Xingchen want? A blowjob? A fuck? He was too exhausted for that.
The frustration was getting to him and his face felt hot as he buried it into his blanket. This was fucking stupid.
Even though Xue Yang was certain he was quiet, he must have made some sort of noise, because Xiao Xingchen's concerned voice penetrated his gloomy thoughts.
"Xue Yang?"
"What?" he snapped. He felt a pang of regret. He didn't need to look up to see the look of disappointment and hesitation on Xiao Xingchen's face.
There was a sigh from above, and this time, Xiao Xingchen's voice was soft when he spoke. "I won't leave if you want me to stay."
Xue Yang was almost glad he was sick because that could be his excuse when his voice sounded rougher than usual. "Whatever."
The bed shifted again, as Xiao Xingchen got on. Cool fingers brushed his hair out of the way, and a pair of warm arms wrapped around him, securing him in a tight embrace
Despite himself, Xue Yang found himself turning around and burrowing himself into Xiao Xingchen's embrace.
If Xiao Xingchen was going to offer himself up, then Xue Yang wasn't going to refuse it. He'd cut open Xiao Xingchen's chest and carve out a room for himself in Xiao Xingchen's heart. Xue Yang was never going to let go, and Xiao Xingchen better not either.
"M'sorry," he mumbled.
Xiao XIngchen pressed a soft kiss to Xue Yang's head. He murmured, "It's alright, I forgive you,"
Xue Yang clutched onto Xiao Xingchen tighter in reply.
I love you.
Maybe, things would be okay with them for a while longer after all.
A/N
There will definitely be a time where I return to improve and add more to this fic.
This is actually going to be part of a slightly larger series/idea that I've been planning for awhile, so if you're a bit confused by some of the randomness of it, don't worry, it's gonna be all tied up later on. I'm finally getting to actually writing it, so hopefully I won't give up halfway. Just to clarify some of the background information for this fic, this is set in a modern au. Xiao Xingchen is A-Qing's older brother (sort of, like Baoshan Sanren is this old lady who adopts a lot of kids and kind of teaches them stuff/morals and stuff. She adopts like one or two every couple of years and some of them are like years apart. For even more detail, she adopted Canse Sanren a long time ago, later she adopted Xiao Xingchen, and then she adopted A-Qing. (Which explains why Xiao Xingchen is also Wei Wuxian's uncle, even though he's only a couple of years older than Wei Wuxian in this fic.)) Xiao Xingchen is in a relationship with both Song Lan and Xue Yang. But, Xue Yang and Song Lan aren't together. It's not SongXueXiao or whatever the ship is called. It's just XueXiao and SongXiao. Sorry if that's confusing. Lol, that was kind of a lot of information, but honestly, most of my XueXiao fics will be set in a similar au to the above, so...:D