23
Bella thought she was ready. No, that's a lie. She wanted to be ready, but nothing could prepare her for the feelings that washed over her as she and Jasper stood in front of Bayview with her mother's suitcases and handful of boxes at their feet. Dr. Biers had called that morning and told her what time they were transporting Renee to Bayview, so Bella and Jasper, along with Emmett, Edward, Garrett, and Carlisle gathered all of her mother's belongings, loaded onto the ferry, and were now standing in front of Bayview. Well, she and Jasper were standing outside of Bayview. Emmett, Edward, Garrett, and Carlisle had hurried inside to get a cart to help get all of Renee's belonging.
In reality, she knew they were trying to give Bella a minute to gather herself, and Jasper wasn't going to let her stand out there alone. Partly, because he knew she needed him, and partly, because he worried that she would bail. And Bella would be lying if she hadn't considered running away. She just wasn't sure how she was going to handle leaving her mother inside.
The doors to Bayview opened and Emmett, Edward, Garrett, and Carlisle hurried out with Esme, Rosalie, Alice, Ben, Kate, and Angela following. Bella should have known they would all be there. They were worried about her, they said. She needed them, they told her. And she did, but she needed her mother more.
"You okay, Bella?" Alice asked, nervously gripping the handle on the large cart she pushed. It was the kind you saw in fancy hotels, the type of places she'd never been able to afford to stay.
"No," she confessed, bringing her hand up to her chest. "I don't . . . I know this is the best place for her right now. I know that I cannot take care of her on my own, but I don't know how I am going to leave her here alone. I just . . . Tell me how I leave her here alone, Alice? Tell me because I am a breath away from saying fuck it all and taking her back to Bainbridge Island."
"We all live in the city, honey. Not like we won't be here all the time, checking on her."
"But she's my mom, Alice, and Baker Lake is like four hours from here. I won't . . . What if they can't talk her down? What if she . . . what if she needs me and I can't get here in time and she hurts herself? This is stupid. I should just take her back home, and —"
"No, Bella!" Esme exclaimed, putting her hands up in front of her as she walked over and placed one hand on each shoulder. "This is your chance to have a life again. Please, take it."
"Esme," she whimpered.
But before she could say anything else, a dark sedan pulled up behind them, and when they looked back, they found Peter climbing out of the driver's seat, Heidi and Demetri out of the backseat, and then Renee out of the passenger seat. Her mother glanced around the neighborhood, before settling on her.
Her lips twisted in a sneer. "There's the little slut."
"Mom," Bella cried, reaching for her, but Renee yanked her arms around. "Mom, please, don't be like this right now."
"Be like what? Pissed that you're shoving me away in this hell hole? It wasn't enough that you killed your father, but you're giving up on me, too."
"Don't listen to her, sweetheart," Jasper whispered, wrapping his arm around her waist and pressing his lips against the side of her head. "That's not your mom. That's not the real Renee."
"I know," she whispered.
"Oh, look at the little slut," Renee cackled. "Crying like a little baby. Too bad she don't give a fuck about anyone other than herself."
"That's enough, Renee." Peter walked around the car, gripping her elbow tightly and drawing her attention to him. "Apologize."
"Peter, you don't have to —"
"I'm sorry." The second the words were out of Renee's mouth, Bella snapped her attention back to her mother, who rolled her eyes, lolled her head to the side, and looked right at Bella. "Okay? I'm sorry."
"Yeah, okay," she murmured, biting the inside of her lip.
"Now, we talked about why you need to be here, Renee," Peter said, drawing Renee's attention back to him. "Do you remember what we talked about?"
Renee sighed and said, "She can't put her life on hold for me anymore, and it's time I grow up and be the mom she deserves."
"And?" Peter pressed.
"And Bayview will help me learn control over my impulses. Whatever," Renee muttered. "Still think she's giving up on me."
"I'm not," Bella cried, causing Renee to look at her. "I'll never give up on you, Mom, but I put my whole life on hold for you, and I can't do it anymore. I can't. I need . . . I need to start living again, and I can't do that if I have to take care of you, too."
"Yeah, I know," Renee grumbled, yanking her elbow out of Peter's grasp and walking toward her, squirming away from him, Heidi, and Demetri, all of whom tried to grab hold of her. She stopped, bringing her hand up to Bella's face, who hadn't been able to stop from flinching. "You'll come visit, won't you?"
Bella nodded.
"And you won't forget about me, will ya?"
"Never," Bella cried, covering her mother's hand with her own. "I love you, Momma. I love you so much."
Renee hummed, bit didn't say anything the front doors opened and Sam walked out. He clasped his hands in front of him, his eyes flickering from the others to Heidi and Demetri to Peter and Renee and finally on Bella. He smiled sadly, his eyes filled with pity and sorrow, but she didn't call him out on that.
"Mrs. Swan," Sam said, his eyes leaving Bella and turning back to Renee. "My name is Sam Uley. I am the director here at Bayview. It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."
"Is it?" Renee quipped, folding her arms in front of her. "You supposed to be the welcoming committee or something?"
Sam smiled. "I am the first of many who are thrilled to have you joining us here at Bayview, Mrs. Swan."
"Stop calling me that. My husband," she groused, glancing at Bella for a split second, "is dead. I ain't a missus anymore. My name is Renee."
"Okay, Renee, that's fair." Sam shifted so that he was angled between her and the building with his arms stretched out toward them. "How about I show you around?"
Sighing loudly and dramatically, Renee nodded, but in a move that startled her, she grabbed Bella's hand and giving her a pleading look. Bella tightened her hold as the two of them followed Sam inside with Jasper, Peter, Ben, and Heidi right behind them and the others gathering Renee's belongings for them.
Renee looked terrified as they walked inside and she looked around. The two little old ladies who had been sitting in the far corner the day Bella had toured Bayview were seated in the same chairs, only their blanket they had been knitting was twice as big. They glanced at the two and waved, yelling, "Hello again, dear," as Sam lead them through the lobby.
Renee glanced at Bella before she gave them a small wave, and Bella placed her hand on her back, trying to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.
She hoped.
Sam led them down the long hallway to the skilled nursing division. He stopped and punched in a six digit code before taking a step backward and letting the doors opened. He'd explained during his tour that the residents like her mother were closely monitored and only those who worked the floor knew the code to get into the ward. It was a safety precaution, he said, something that had eased her worry a bit — only a little bit, though.
"Welcome to your new home, Renee." Sam turned and waved a hand toward the large, floor. There were dozens of chairs and couches grouped together. He motioned for them to follow him across the floor to room fifty-seven. "This is your suite."
He pushed the door open and gestured for Renee to go inside. She looked over at Bella, her eyes filled with tears and it took every ounce of her control not to swoop her away from there, because she'd made a promise and she was going to keep it, even if it broke her heart.
"It's okay, Mom. I'll go with you."
"Yeah," Renee whispered, and they walked into the suite.
Of course, Bella had already seen them, but standing in the middle of the sitting room with her mother next to her made it feel different, real. Too real, but again, she kept that thought to herself. She could see the struggle in her mother's eyes, and if Renee was going to stay, she needed to be brave.
The television was mounted onto the wall. Sam had explained it was a safety precaution for some of their . . . more temperamental residents. There was a large, bright blue dresser, a beige sofa with bright blue throw pillows, two oak end tables and a coffee table that matched. The walls were bare, but Bella had packed all of her mother's photos, hoping they would help make the suite her own.
"Your bedroom is this way, Renee," Sam said, his eyes flickering to Bella before gesturing to the entryway leading into the bedroom area.
"Look, Mom, your window has a view of the garden," Bella said, nudging her mother forward.
"It does?"
Bella nodded. "Go look."
Renee wrapped her arms around her torso before she walked into the room, around the full size bed and to the window, pulling the blinds up. Sure enough, right outside her window was the flower garden, particularly a rose bush. Roses had always been one of Renee's favorites.
"It's . . . it's nice, I guess." Renee turned and looked around the room. There was another television mounted onto the wall, and under it was a dresser. In the corner, there was an oversized beige chair, standing lamp, and tables on either side of the bed. Next to the window was the walk in closet. "And this is all mine? Just mine?"
"Yes, just yours. There's a bathroom off the sitting room, with Jacuzzi tub and walk in shower."
Renee nodded, and looked around again. "I guess it's not so bad. And they said something about a book club?"
"Book club meets every other Monday. Wednesday's are movie nights, and the last Friday of the month we all go bowling. I don't mean to brag, Renee, but I throw one heck of a gutter ball."
His attempt at humor didn't seem to help, seeing as Renee simply nodded.
"Mom, let's unpack your stuff. We can make this place yours," Bella suggested, gesturing toward the sitting room where everyone was waiting with her belongings. "How does that sound?"
"I guess I don't have much choice," she muttered.
Sam frowned, but didn't say anything as he left them alone. As they began unpacking her boxes, Bella found herself watching her mother, anxious for what she was thinking. Every few minutes, she'd pick up a photograph of her and Charlie, or all three of them, and stare at it before placing it back on the table. Or, she'd pull a sweater she was hanging in the closet to her nose, almost like she was trying to remember the last time she wore it. Funny thing is, ever sense the accident, her mother hated wearing sweaters. Said they were itchy against her skin, they felt wrong. So they hung in her closet, but Bella hadn't been able to get rid of them because the Renee she loved, the Renee she wanted desperately back, had loved her sweaters.
After almost three hours, all the boxes had been unpacked, her clothes hung in the closet, and her bed had been made with her own bedding. Renee was seated on the couch, her hands braced against her knees and her eyes shifting wildly around the room. Everyone but Heidi, Peter, and Jasper had gone to the lobby to wait for them.
Taking a deep breath, Bella sat next to Renee, drawing her attention. "I know you're scared, Mom. I'm scared, too, I really am, but I think Bayview will be good for you."
"So you keep saying, but I don't know, Bella. I don't . . . it doesn't feel like home, you know? It smells . . . it smells weird, and I don't think I want to stay. I think I want to go back with you. Can't I go with you? I'll be good, Bella. I promise, okay? I won't use oven without you or . . . or Heidi there, and I'll be nice. I won't yell at you anymore. Please, Bella? Please, don't leave me here. Please, please, please?" Renee sobbed, covering her hands.
"Oh, Momma, I'm . . . I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?" Renee snarled, throwing her hands away from her.
Bella spun off the couch, hitting the floor, and in a heartbeat, Jasper was by her side, pulling her away from her mother, who continued her rant.
"Sorry doesn't help, you ungrateful, little cunt!" Heidi was on her knees in front of Renee, holding her down before her mother could move. "Get your hands off me, bitch. She's going to pay for betraying me!"
"Come on, Cricket," Jasper whispered, his arms tightening around her as he pulled her toward the doorway of her mother's suite.
"I hate you, Bella! I fucking hate you. I'll never forgive you for this! Never!"
Bella's knees gave out on her as her tears cascaded down her cheeks, and Sam and two nurses rushed past them and into her mother's room, Jasper swept her into his arms and carried her across the floor, through the set of double doors, down the hallway to the lobby, past their friends, and out of Bayview. He carried her over to a bench and sat with her on his lap, and though she knew she had made the right decision, hearing her mother screaming, "I hate you, Bella," was something she would never forget.
Never.
Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! I apologize for the delay. The words were hard. Merry Christmas to everyone!