remus hate the white, not the color itself but the sense of cleanses that's around it. he always hated stepping in a perfect space, one that's clean and organize, it makes him feel like a stain, like a peace of dirt ready to ruin everything, to ruin the harmony of it all. maybe that's why he wants to vanish looking at the white and empty wall of the aisle, maybe that's why he feels sick walking down the clean tile. or maybe not. he knows that he's lying to himself but it's better than the truth. it's better than admitting that he wants to run away, that he is a coward, that he can't recover, that he is a human wreck.
remus has already been to the St Mungo, especially when Effy and Monty were sick, but he's never been to this section. Everything is white and perfect and remus skin is starting to itch. he's probably going feral, the hospital must be the same in every area, didn't it? and yet everything feels wrong. The wolf is restless, pushing, searching for something, struggling to reach his prize, it's driving Remus crazy because he doesn't understand what the fuck the damn wolf want, he's always quite after the moons, recharging, so what's the fucking problem.
Everything was going smoothly but no, the wolf must have decided that the day wasn't shitty enough so, obviously, the moment Remus sets foot in the hospital he wants to explore and be curious, he wants to play. Looks like life loves to fuck whit remus.
Honestly he's just trying to find excuses, he made a mistake, he should have picked another day for coming; then again he knows that the only thing giving him the strength to go out was guilt.
12B, 13B, 14B, can't he pretend he forgot the door number? who could blame him?
to be honest he shouldn't be surprised when he doesn't see the little boy crushing in to him, he was thinking too much, when he arrived at the 18B door? fucking autopilot.
"MUM HELPPPP, ONE OF THE MAD MAN IS HERE" the little boy run away, followed by a clone? maybe remus is one of the mad man after all but at this point all he can think is shit.
he is frozen, someone is here, someone is going to see him and is going to accuse him of attacking a stupid child. fuck, fuck, fuck. they will probably call the security and genuinely, have you seen remus? he look like a homeless and he's not putting the damn scars in the picture. fuck.
the steps are fast -clack, clack- definitely heels, they are coming for him and fuck he doesn't have the energy for and angry mother, not today, not here, not when the full moon was just two days ago, not when his bones are still sore and not when the wolf is so bloody agitated for no fucking reason.
A short woman turn the corner, the red of her hair matching the red of her face. She's holding a little girl on her lap, probably around 3 but remus sucks with children on every aspect so he can't guarantee, same hair as her mum. The little kid is looking straight at Remus face, eyes wide open, but her mother didn't give him a single look; he follow her glaze and yes, he wasn't one of the mad man because there are two toddlers identical, twins. It may look like a small thing but he doesn't take for granted mental stability these days.
The woman push one of the two "Come on Fred, what do we say?", the one who wasn't push turn to his mum pointing at Remus with his little finger "but he MUST be one of them, have you seen his face? it's not George fault if he is scary!!"
well Remus isn't surprise, or rather he is surprise that the mother didn't come to scream at him.
She looks tired, her face becomes more red, Remus isn't sure if it's out of angry or embarrassed, he doesn't care, hoping the interaction will end briefly.
He can't blame George, or Fred, it seems like even the mother is confuse on who is who. Yes it hurts a little bit, like a sting, but it's fine, he heard much worse.
The woman push the actual Fred "FRED WEASLEY HOW-" that's enough, Remus ears can't stand the high pitch, plus he doesn't have time for it, well actually he does but he prefer to occupy this time alone in pain thank you very much.
"Don't worry miss, no need to yell at them I-" Remus stops, she's looking at him properly for the first time and he is just a fool, how could he not recognise her? She's, well she was, the little sister of Gideon and Fabian, red head and identical twins, he should have seen that one coming, she used to make biscuits for the order's reunion. She never joined, good choice if you ask Remus, but she would always make sure that everyone had a belly full of biscuits before the meeting, it was her way to show that she cared about the cause. The biscuits stopped after the attack that killed the twins.
He probably reached the fuck limit for the day but fuck that, the last thing he want is being recognise and having to stand there while she talks about the war's losses. He had some hopes but shifting his eye on the little girl they collapse, she is still staring at his face and of course, the bloody scars don't make him really forgetful do they? "sorry but I really should g-"
"You were in the order right? You- you are black's boyfriend" Molly says pushing the kids behind her, Remus remembers her name, and no, no, no.
No.
No way he's doing this today, on October 31st. Not when hearing Sirius name makes a knife turn in his heart. He can't, please he just can't.
He just wanted to see Frank and Alice, just wanted to make sure that someone else was okay, alive, he thought that seeing them would have brought back some happy memories. Mary went a couple of time, before she- before saying goodbye to Remus, she always said that it was bas but how bad could it be, they were alive, a privilege many others didn't had. That's it, nothing more but now he have to deal with Molly, he wants to scream.
He's begging the universe at this point but after all karma is always been a bitch in Remus experience