Rating: T

Warnings: Overall story - Brief mentions of torture. Bit of language.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Reeling after the fight with Raphael and its consequences, Mikey has a much-needed heart-to-heart with Leonardo.

Mikemasters Z KAI : Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too! Sorry, this was meant to be out sooner but I've been really busy the last few days and then I fell asleep getting this ready to post earlier or it would've at least been out on Christmas day, haha.
Yeah, Mikey can hardly wait to get home to his true family too. He misses them so much that it hurts.
Yep! Raph was the reason Splinter and 2k12 Mikey lost contact with each other in the other story...

Totally a Mikey thing to name his cat after Raph, haha. Gotta wonder how the other Raph would take it XD

Including the epilogue, there are 5 parts to this story, all already long written and typed up so at least it shouldn't be too long between updates. :-)

A Very AOtGO Christmas

ch 2

24th December

For the first time in almost a month, Mikey couldn't sleep in his room and instead returned to the beanbag in the pit with the TV on about an hour after going to bed.

The lair had been filled with a weird tension that night. Splinter's pain, relief and bitter disappointment all mingled with the remnants of Raphael's anger, Donatello's and Leonardo's delight over news of their missing brother and concern over Mikey's panic attack and all the feelings that warred within Mikey himself.

Even as dawn approached, Mikey still couldn't sleep. He was far too freaked out by what happened, by the way he'd reacted to simple, everyday pressure points and just how stupid it all was when he could see he was in the lair, when he could hear his other-dimensional family around him, when he could smell them with their warm, comforting scent of a home away from home. His heart still beat too fast, his breathing still felt ragged and rough. His thoughts drifted back and forth and if he wasn't paying attention, he could swear he saw little pink flashes of movement, could hear stilted voices in bad English at the edge of his hearing and he was jumpy as all shell. On top of that, he felt beyond terrible for his part in what had happened. His other-dimensional family had been trying so hard to find their lost brother and son, had been waiting so long for word on what happened to him and the answers, at last, had been offered. Only to be ripped away by Raph's temper and his own utter stupidity.

Leahpar was never a joke!

But Michelangelo should've come clean to Raph the moment he named her instead of keeping the secret as close to his plastron as possible.

He closed his eyes tightly.

If only he hadn't asked April to pick up that stupid name tag, Raph never would have realised!

He took in another ragged breath.

Then... there was the jealousy and hurt...

He didn't begrudge the others hearing from their brother, albeit briefly, but from what he'd been told, their Mikey didn't even have any astral experience! Barely even any meditation either.

But he did!

Forced to meditate six days a week as part of their daily ninja training. Astral work at least every couple of months, sometimes more...

And he couldn't...

Tears sprang afresh to his eyes unbidden.

He'd tried so hard for so long to reach his family and all he'd ever managed to do was touch Donatello's dreams and hurt him terribly in the process...

No matter how hard he tried, no matter how desperate he was, his family never heard him and how... he hiccuped brokenly... how unfair was that?

"How long have you been out here?" a soft voice asked in concern from behind him.

Mikey's shoulders hunched inwards.

"I suppose a better question is... did you even go to bed?"

"Yes," Mikey answered dully, dashing the stupid tears from his face savagely with his left wrist. "Donnie made me go but I... I came back out after a bit because I couldn't..." he trailed off, not wanting to admit just how badly the use of those stupid, normal pressure points affected him. He'd been doing so well lately that this setback felt like failure even though he knew recovering from trauma was a process of good and bad days. He hadn't needed Donnie or Kirby to tell him that, he already knew from bitter experience with his own Leonardo, but still, tell him they had.

Leo stepped carefully down into the pit, sitting nearby. "I never should have left you alone last night. I'm sorry, Mike."

Mikey whipped his head to face Leo in surprise, blinking. "You don't have to baby me, dude!" he protested.

Leo blushed in embarrassment at the insinuation. "I'm not babying you, Mike, I..." he sighed and turned his gaze forward, staring sightlessly at the TV. "This isn't the first time you've panicked after... having pressure points used on you. I don't know why but I do know that Master Splinter shouldn't have used them on you and I know that he knows that too. You might have been part of what happened last night but you weren't the one who was out of control."

Mikey swallowed uneasily.

"I just... don't feel you should've been left alone after that and the fact that you ended up back out here says a lot."

"I..." Mikey squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep, shuddering breath for what felt like the umpteenth time that night. "It's not about the... it's not about the pressure points, dude. It's..."

"You don't have to explain if you don't want to, Mike."

"It's okay, I want to, Leo," Mikey admitted in a voice so quiet he was surprised Leo heard him. "The Kraa... they... they planted some device in my forehead, Leo. They... used it to... to control my every move, even to the point that they could stop me from breathing if they wanted to, which they did several times to prove they could and to punish me for all the times I tried to fight back. Maybe... they even did it just to be cruel..."

Leonardo turned his horrified gaze on Mikey. Of course, he'd seen the Kraang use those controllers the day they'd saved Mike. They had captured Spiderbytes and various other mutants and used the same device Mike described on them and months prior to that, they'd done something similar to April's father. Though in Kirby O'Neil's case, he'd at least still had some autonomy. From what he'd seen the day they found Mike, the Kraang had controlled the captured mutants' every move and word.

"I couldn't even look at anything other than what they wanted." Mikey shuddered again as the terrifying memories played through his mind yet again, heard the disturbing whispers of their voices, of his voice in their words and tones. He was so sick and tired of the hold they had on him and he wished he could just forget. "I... I know they used it on others too but I was the first and they enjoyed playing with me the most and... and that was my life for... for at least a... a week, maybe longer. It was so hard to tell time in there... Be-being controlled like a marionette on a st-string," Mikey managed to choke out. "Lo-losing control, being paralysed with the pressure points... i-it throws me back there, Leo and I... I can't take it," he finally cried. He wanted so badly to lean into the other turtle and be comforted by him but he wasn't his Leo and he had no right to demand that of the brash but dorky young leader.

Leo stared at Mike for several moments, speechless but then shuffled closer. "Is it alright if I touch you?" he asked softly.

"Pl... please..." Mikey begged brokenly, unable to look at Leo as he shook inconsolably.

So Leo wrapped his arm around the suddenly sobbing turtle, drawing him close and rubbing gently up and down Mike's left arm and Mikey practically collapsed into Leo's embrace, leaning his head against his shoulder and crying for over an hour until he had no more tears left.

Once Mikey calmed down sufficiently that only the occasional heaving breath or hiccup escaped him, Leo finally spoke up again. "Have you talked about this with anyone besides Mr. O'Neil? Actually, have you even talked about this with him?"

"A.. a little b-but... he can only take so... so much himself," Mikey admitted shakily. And it was true. He had talked about what happened, just without any detail, knowing that April's father had his own Kraang-related trauma to deal with. He certainly hadn't mentioned the way the pressure points affected him when used against him though. "And... I kinda mentioned it to... to Donnie when I f-first came here... but... it was an angry comment in passing." He'd also mentioned it to Raph before but again, hadn't gone into detail and never brought it up again since.

"And... only that it happened?" Leo guessed quietly.

Mikey nodded against Leo's shoulder.

Leo pursed his lips thoughtfully. He didn't want to ask but... "I hope you don't mind but we need to bring this up to the others."

Mikey pulled away in panic, looking wildly at Leonardo in betrayal.

"We don't have to go into any depth, Mike but if we want to avoid this happening again, then the others, Master Splinter, Donnie and Raph need to know so they don't trigger you by accident. Is that okay?" Leo asked carefully. They needed to know but he needed Mike's permission so as not to betray his trust. "None of us like seeing you in this state."

"I..." Mikey began to protest before sighing in resignation. "Yeah, alright but... c-can y-you do it? I... don't want..."

"Sure, Mike," Leo smiled warmly. "Now, why don't you go take a shower and refresh yourself and I'll make us some hot chocolate. I'll talk to the others in private later, after they've woken up."

"Thanks, Leo," Mikey smiled gratefully. It still felt wobbly and a humongous effort but at least it was genuine.

-:-

Twenty minutes later, Mikey returned from the shower and wandered slowly into the kitchen, following the delectable scent of warm chocolate. To his horror though, Leo stood at the counter, a sharp knife in hand and food in front of him.

"What... are you doing, dude?"

"Making breakfast," Leo replied in a clipped tone. "Oh, don't look at me like that, Mike! I'm not about to burn the kitchen down."

Mikey snickered. No, the last turtle to almost manage that particular feat was Raphael and only after his last really bad day when Mikey couldn't face them, even to make lunch that day.

"It's just fruit salad. You know even I can't mess this up, you've said so yourself," Leo said dryly. "Now sit down! I put your hot chocolate at your seat about a minute ago."

Mikey smiled shyly and slid into his usual seat, hands wrapping securely around the delicious-smelling beverage. He pulled it to him, inhaling deeply and once more in awe that he could actually smell and taste things properly again. "Thanks, Leo," he breathed appreciably before lifting the mug to his mouth and sipping, savouring the rich, velvety flavour. "This is sooo good. My Leo makes a mean hot chocolate but I think yours might actually be better."

Leo laughed lightly. "I guess that's high praise?"

Mikey grinned devilishly. "Well, yeah, pretty much. Though Donnie prefers my super-secret recipe but I can only make that on really rare occasions."

Leo lifted a questioning brow and Mikey's grin widened.

"Nope! Not telling!" he said before the other turtle could ask. The last thing he needed right now was to be judged for adding a dash of alcohol to it and Leo definitely would. So would Splinter, for that matter, especially if he knew he'd 'fessed up.

As Leo continued chopping fruit, the pair chatted amiably about pretty much nothing until Splinter arrived and Mikey froze, his heartbeat picking up speed again in his rapidly increasing anxiety.

Leo turned his head to take in the ninja master, smiling warmly. "Good morning, Sensei!"

"Good morning, Leonardo," Splinter returned before settling his gaze on a suddenly very uncomfortable Michelangelo. "I owe you an apology for my behaviour last night, Michelangelo. I overreacted and went further than was necessary." He bowed his head, ears and whiskers drooping contritely. "I am very sorry for the distress I caused you."

Mikey forced himself to relax his clenched fists and breathe before smiling brightly up at Splinter. "It's okay, Sensei! I forgive you and I... I'm sorry for my part in it."

Splinter gazed at Michelangelo fondly. "You have a good heart, my grandson."

Mikey fidgeted uncomfortably at that, unsure how to respond.

Splinter turned towards the tea nook and set about making a cup for himself before joining Michelangelo at the table. "May I ask what that was about with Raphael last night?"

Mikey cringed and steeled himself, taking a deep breath. "He found out what Leahpar's name was and... thought I'd been making fun of him all this time. I tried to tell him that she wasn't named for him but for my Raphie but he wouldn't listen..." Mikey's eyes slid to land on the nearby wall. "Leahpar's not a joke and I'd never turn her into one! It's just... Raphael is the only name that still sounds like a name when reversed. Leonardo (Odranoel) and Donatello (Olletanod) don't work so well. That and Leahpar's eyes are the same colour as my Raph's."

"I see," Splinter murmured thoughtfully, lifting his cup to sip at his warm drink.

Leo sighed and dropped the knife into the sink, exchanging it for the pasta ladle to mix the fruit with.

"I know," Mikey groaned. "Donnie warned me months ago and I should've listened. I should've at least explained to Raph back then but... well, to be honest, back then I didn't realise just how bad his temper is compared to my Raph."

"Is there really that much difference?" Leo asked in surprise.

"Oh yeah," Mikey laughed without even a hint of humour. "It's like... my Raph, he used to be worse and in some ways, he still can be but... well, let's just say something bad almost happened... he totally lost control around the time we met Casey and it scared the shell out of him. Since then he still gets angry and explodes super easily but he doesn't actually lose control anymore."

"What happened?" Leo asked uneasily.

"Oh, nothing much, he just almost caved someone's head in with a pipe," Mikey said in a bright, cheerful tone that belied just how terrified he'd been at the time. Nothing had scared him more bar the day Shredder nearly killed Leo and then the rest of them as April's store and home burned down around them with them trapped inside and then later when Donnie became so sick and mutated again. He barely suppressed the shudder at the horrible memories.

Leo stared at him, alarmed and even Splinter looked concerned.

"Who did he almost hurt?"

"Oh, only me."

"And you're okay with that?" Leo choked out in horror.

"In the moment, no, I wasn't but he didn't mean to do it so as soon as he pulled himself together, I forgave him," Mikey admitted with a shrug. "And like I said, lesson learnt and he hasn't lost control since. He works hard not to."

"Let's just hope it doesn't take a near tragedy for our Raph to learn," Leo muttered with a shudder.

Mikey nodded emphatically.

Splinter opened his eyes, fixing them on Michelangelo. "Well, for the sake of peace and avoiding potential tragedy, you are going to need to explain things to Raphael. Today," he commanded. "If he refuses to hear you out, I will talk to him."

"Thanks, Grandpa," Mikey smiled in relief.

Leonardo began dishing up the fruit salad into bowls, distributing them around the table and he'd just sat down when Raphael and Donatello finally made an entrance. The latter of whom made directly for the coffee maker, groping blindly as he set about making some and the former, with a deep scowl on his face as he glared at the table and Mikey, headed instead for the cupboard and pulled out a carton of cereal.

"Breakfast is already on the table, Raph," Leo stated dryly.

"I'm not eating anything he made," Raph growled lowly.

Mikey winced and Donnie shot Raph an alarmed look and edged away.

"Then you're in luck, Mike didn't make it, I did," Leonardo replied coolly.

"Seriously? That's even worse!" Raph exclaimed, horrified. He clutched the box of cereal like a drowning person with a life preserver at sea.

Mikey frowned unhappily. "It's just fruit salad. No cooking involved but uh... maybe just keep an eye out for pips and bits of peel or cores?" he suggested, forcing a cheeky grin he didn't feel onto his face and directing it at the ninja in blue.

Leo immediately reached out and snatched the bowl and already empty mug from in front of Mikey with a mock-offended air. Mikey snatched the bowl back, folding his arms around it protectively.

"If that's how you feel, see if I ever make you anything again, including hot chocolate!" Leonardo retorted, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly as if he were trying to hold back laughter.

Mikey gaped up at Leo, floundering for a moment. "Well, then... see if I ever cook for anyone but me again?" he threatened in kind.

Donnie stared at the pair in horror, still too sleepy to recognise their joking manner. "Apologise, Leo, quickly. Make him all the hot chocolate he can drink because I refuse to go back to scraping meals together again when none of us can cook!"

Mikey puffed up proudly at the admission of the power he held and fixed Leonardo with a challenging look.

"I'll make things difficult for you if you don't, Leonardo," Donnie further threatened.

Leonardo scowled at the reminder of the power Donnie held. He was just testy enough on good days to follow through on such a threat if he felt he needed to make a point. "Fine," he grumbled and turned back to Mike. "I'm sorry, Mike. Would you like some more hot chocolate?"

Mikey grinned broadly and sat up straight again, removing his arms from around the now-safe bowl, relaxing now the danger was past. "Why yes, Leonardo, I do believe I would love another cup. That is so very kind of you to offer, bro," he said in his most obnoxious, little brother tone.

Leo shot him a look intended to be dirty but he couldn't hide the humour in his eyes as he went to make another batch of the prized beverage."

Meanwhile, as they mock fought, Raph had begrudgingly made his way to the table and sat down, silently eating the fruit in front of him, enticed by the silent but in no way subtle command from Splinter.

As he waited for Leo to return, Mikey took a deep breath and turned to face Raph who blatantly refused to acknowledge him. "I'm really sorry about last night, Raph. I never meant to make fun of you by naming Leahpar that."

"Not interested, Mike," Raph growled in a low, threatening tone.

Mikey clenched his eyes and fists closed and breathed. Then opened them again, fixing Raph with a direct look. "Well, too bad because you misunderstood. I didn't name Leahpar after you, I named her after my Raph and it's not my fault you both have the same name!"

Raph looked up in utter disbelief.

"I should've told you ages ago, I get that, and I'm sorry I didn't but I... I just wanted something to remember and honour my bros by and naming Leahpar after one of them helped. I'm sorry you feel offended by it but I am not changing her name!" Finishing his spiel, Mikey took another deep breath and glared down at the bowl in front of him before picking up the spoon and savagely taking a mouthful as Raph gawped at him.

"And you shouldn't have to, Mike," Raph said, finding his words after several moments. "Change it, I mean. I'm... sorry I went off at you," he finished with a mutter.

Dropping the spoon into the bowl, Mikey looked up in surprise and hope. "You mean it, bro?"

Raph nodded awkwardly, then shovelled more food into his mouth, his way of saying subject closed and fight over but Mikey wasn't having any of that.

Instead, Mikey beamed in delight and leapt to his feet to dash around the table, throwing his sea-green arms around a suddenly squawking Raphael. "Thanks, Raphie!"

Raph simply groaned, knowing he couldn't dislodge Mike's octopus grip until he was good and ready to let go. Luckily for him, Mikey knew better than to push it too long and he quickly returned to his seat to eat as Leonardo placed a refilled mug in front of him. Mikey turned that dazzling smile on Leo, making him blush slightly, and the small family continued with breakfast.

About halfway through the bowl, Mikey began to struggle. His appetite had improved significantly over the last couple of months or so but he still couldn't eat as much as he used to in one sitting and right now, he was tired as all hell. He placed the spoon down in favour of pulling the hot chocolate close and holding it as Leo looked at Splinter seriously with a clear, sharp gaze.

"You never told us what actually happened in the Astral Plain, Father. What did Mikey say? How is he? Where is he?"

Splinter's ears drooped sadly again. "There is not much to tell, Leonardo. By the time we connected, he was already beyond his limit and I believe the only reason we managed to talk at all is that he had help. I did not get a chance to find out what happened to him before I lost him.

"I was able to hear his voice and sense his spirit. The connection was far too weak to see him properly but he sounded and felt well. Happy. He misses us," he said brokenly. "I lost him but it is good to know for certain that he is still safe and well and being looked after."

Leo, Donnie and Raph nodded in relief, their eyes fixed unerringly on their father.

"Do you think he'll try again tonight?" Leo asked hopefully.

"No," Splinter replied, shaking his head sharply. "Michelangelo's efforts last night obviously exhausted him. It will be several days before he will be physically and spiritually ready to try again."

Leo nodded thoughtfully. "Then we give him a few days to recover. Then..." his eyes flickered hopefully to his brothers before settling on their father once more. "Do you think we can try to reach him? Regularly?"

Splinter stroked his beard slowly as he mused over Leonardo's question. "Yes, I do believe we should. However," his gaze fell on his two younger sons, "not everyone here has the skill to join in yet. I believe it may be time to start advanced meditative training so that you may both join our efforts. Together, we may be strong enough to reach Michelangelo if you are unable to find him in your searches first."

Donnie swallowed nervously but he and Raph both nodded their agreement.

"Michelangelo, would you join us?"

Mikey blinked languidly as he stared, hypnotised, into his mug. Suddenly, he realised Splinter had spoken to him and he looked up, alarmed. "Huh? Sorry, Sensei, I..."

"You are tired. I take it you did not sleep well last night?"

Mikey laughed hollowly. Or at all, for that matter.

"I asked if you would join us for astral training due to your prior experience."

"I'm not sure I'd be any help. I've never even met him," Mikey answered dubiously.

"In that aspect, perhaps not. However, your experience and strength would be of benefit to Raphael and Donatello, who are yet to learn. Plus, it would not harm you to keep your skills up," Splinter pointed out seriously.

"Maybe we can even help you contact your own family," Leo suggested with a smile.

And hurt Donnie again? Or himself, for that matter? Mikey cringed at the thought. Donnie had been in such anguish the last time he'd connected to him and he was terrified of making things worse again.

"I am sure your father and master would prefer you to practice," Splinter reminded him pointedly.

Mikey sighed in defeat. "Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll... join you all," he agreed dully.

Splinter nodded decisively. "Good. Now that that is settled, I suggest you return to bed, Michelangelo."

"Bed?" Mikey yelped. "But... what about training?"

"You are too tired for it to be of any benefit this morning."

Mikey cringed again. This time, in embarrassment.

"It will not hurt you to miss this once."

Only... it wasn't just this once. Mikey had missed or skipped training many times over the last few months whenever he'd had a particularly bad day or night. Sure, he actually did extra by this family's standards since he still trained with April three days a week – he enjoyed training with her, it was fun and it helped her too – and usually did some cross-training when Leo was out on training runs through the sewers. Raph sometimes joined him, either to help or to practice with other weapons himself, but he often worked solo. Splinter knew about those extra sessions and encouraged them, even offering to work with Mikey at least once a week.

There were a couple of reasons Mikey did this. It was partly because he still felt like he had a lot to make up for given his months of imprisonment and torture at the tentacles of the Kraang and because he didn't want to be caught by them again and... because he knew his own family trained at least half as much again as this one daily. The last thing he wanted was to finally find his way home only for his father (and Leo) to be disappointed in him for slacking off more than ever before.

Still, he felt self-conscious doing the extra work around Leonardo and therefore tried to do it away from him.

"Go to bed, Michelangelo. Training will not benefit you when you are this tired."

"Hai, Sensei," Mikey replied dully. He looked around the kitchen, unable to bring himself to move.

"Raphael, you will clean up the kitchen today as recompense for your behaviour last night. This includes after lunch and dinner and any mess that Michelangelo makes baking later today and you will do it properly the first time or you will gain two extra days of kitchen cleaning duty for every time you need to rewash something."

"Hai, Sensei," Raph groaned, reluctantly scraping back his seat to begin.

Splinter and Donatello, likewise, began to move but Leo stopped them. "Before you leave, I need to talk to you all." He smiled reassuringly at Mikey and with a wince, Mikey remembered.

"Oh... uh... right," he sighed. He didn't want to talk about this and Leo had said he would do it for him but... Mikey swallowed, closing his eyes. "Th-thanks, Leo, but... this isn't your problem, it's mine and... I should be the one to explain." He felt so sick. His head hurt and his stomach churned threateningly at just the mere thought of talking about it all again but he had to.

Leonardo reached over, taking Mikey's hand and squeezing gently. "But that doesn't mean you have to bear it alone, Mike. I don't mind explaining things."

"I know," Mikey smiled, grateful for his other-dimensional brother's support, "but I need to face it or I'll never get past it," he admitted quietly and get past it, he did want. He didn't like feeling this way. He didn't enjoy the uncontrolled panic taking over and if it did out on the battlefield whether in this dimension or another? He'd be screwed, as would probably everyone else around him.

Everyone sat back down, gazing expectantly at him and he closed his eyes tightly, taking several slow, deep breaths to calm himself, trying to somehow summon the courage to open his mouth and speak. Finally, he opened his eyes again to gaze at his other family.

"I have a problem and I need help getting through it."

-:-

Comments, thoughts and concrit are always welcome.

* If you ever see my stories posted anywhere other than under the name Zelgadis55 at Deviant Art, FFNet, AO3 or Live Journal, then they have been stolen. Please report them.